Finding The Edge

For the next several minutes she’d battled with her errant mind and its inability to control the wellspring of images involving Todd Christian naked in her shower. When he’d finished and she was certain he’d moved to the kitchen, she reluctantly headed to the bathroom. With the water as hot as she could bear it, she still couldn’t wash away the scent of him...it clung to the tile walls, to the bar of homemade soap a friend had given her, insisting that no bodywash on the planet could compete. Despite rinsing the soap thoroughly, simply smoothing the bar over her skin aroused her. Shivers tumbled over her skin with every slow stroke. Her nipples hardened with the sweet ache of need and she once again found herself fighting to keep memories of their lovemaking at bay. How could those memories still be so vivid? So intoxicating?

Todd Christian was like an addictive drug. And like the wrong kind of drug, he was bad for her.

By the time she turned off the water she felt ready to explode with tension. Taking her time, she dried her skin and then her hair. By the time she finished, she had gone from the edge of orgasm to teeth-grinding frustration.

This arrangement was not going to work. No way, no how.

Shoulders squared, purple Wednesday scrubs and her most comfortable nursing clogs on, she walked into the kitchen to tell the bane of her existence he had to sleep somewhere else. She could not have him in her apartment like this. There had to be some other arrangement. Might as well get it over with now and salvage what little sanity she had left. The sooner, the better.

“Good morning.” He smiled and saluted her with his coffee mug. “I scrambled a few eggs and popped in some toast while you were showering. Hope you don’t mind.”

If the scent of the freshly made toast and the coffee hadn’t distracted her, she might have been able to hang on to her determination. Instead, her need for fuel took over and she decided she would tell him this wasn’t going to work as soon as she ate. Why let the food get cold? The least she could do was be civil. If she let her frustration show she would only look immature. She would die before she allowed him to see how easily he could still get to her.

“Morning.” She poured a cup of coffee and reached for a slice of toast.

The sheets they’d tacked up over the living room window last night blocked the morning light she usually enjoyed. The lack of natural light was a stark reminder that her life was a mess. She had killed a man.

She sagged against the counter. Didn’t matter that she hadn’t meant to kill him; he was dead just the same. Nineteen years old. A damn kid.

“Don’t go there, Eva.”

She blinked, his voice pulling her from the troubling thoughts. “I... I was just thinking about work.”

He shook his head. “You were thinking about what happened in that bathroom on Friday night. The pain was written all over your face.”

How the hell could he still read her so well all these years later? It wasn’t fair. Just another reason he had to go. Today. She absolutely could not allow him back into her life. She’d thought she could handle this situation, but she couldn’t. It was impossible. Unrealistic.

“You don’t know me anymore, Todd.” She set her cup aside and grabbed one of the two plates he’d placed on the counter. She raked a few eggs into the plate and snagged a fork. “I’m not the same naive young girl I was ten years ago.”

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