Cowboy On Call

Sawyer patted Nick’s cheek to stimulate him. He heard a shuffle in the aisle. A couple of people shifted to let her through, and Olivia was finally there, moving like someone in a bad dream.

Sawyer said, “He must have hit his head pretty hard. He’ll need a neuro consult, but first...” He looked around. “Where’s Doc?” he asked, referring to the local physician who’d treated Sawyer as a kid. There weren’t many choices in Barren, and Sawyer supposed he was Nick’s doctor now. “I saw him earlier at the reception.”

“He went home,” Blossom murmured.

“You’re here,” he heard Olivia say in a firmer tone than he might have expected. Or no, it was exactly what he expected. It was almost an accusation, and another memory assailed him. Sawyer and Olivia, racing their horses across that nearby field until...he hadn’t yelled a warning in time. Did she think of him now as a last resort?

His stomach heaved. I can’t do this, especially for my brother’s kid. If I can’t trust my judgment, what use would I be? Once, he’d exuded confidence with what had amounted to a typical god complex. Kedar had changed that.

Sam hurried into the barn carrying a neck collar to stabilize Nick for transport. “Got this after I tangled with that cow. I called an ambulance.”

“Won’t get here soon enough. He needs to go now.” The collar was too big but Sawyer made a few adjustments. It would do.

He studied his brother and Blossom. He felt as helpless as they looked, even though he was the one who’d gone to med school. He’d practiced in a foreign country, often without proper medical supplies and equipment, especially in those days after the landslide when Sawyer’s sense of powerlessness had finally overwhelmed him. He felt the same way now.

He glanced at the open barn doors, seeking escape.

* * *

THE COMPLEX OF buildings at Farrier General Hospital squatted just off the highway in the next town from Barren. Olivia hadn’t been here in three years, since her marriage had ended after the spring flood when Nick almost died from pneumonia. Every smell reminded her of that night she’d nearly lost him.

Her nerves on edge, Olivia gazed down the hall again but didn’t see a familiar form approaching. For the past few months Olivia had been seeing another antiques dealer from Kansas City, and she would have welcomed his presence now. But so far, Clint was nowhere to be seen. She’d left him a message about Nick, but she certainly didn’t feel Clint’s support.

Earlier, she had gone into Nick’s ER cubicle with Logan, concerned for their son’s welfare, together in a new show of unity. Blossom had stayed in the waiting room where they joined her now while Nick was having tests. Logan was still pale and Olivia imagined she must appear chalk-white herself.

“I’m sorry your honeymoon is delayed,” she said for want of something else to say.

Nick had been taken to the imaging center and Olivia tried not to imagine the worst again. At least he’d fully wakened in Logan’s truck before the rush with Sawyer to Farrier. That was a good sign, wasn’t it? She wished Sawyer would come back to the waiting room with a report for them.

“We can take a honeymoon anytime.” Logan reached for her hand to still Olivia’s constant fussing. “Try not to worry, Libby. I know how you are.”

“As if you aren’t just as worried.”

“Does it show?” Like someone who had wandered in from some production of a play and was still in costume, Logan was wearing his wedding clothes. A few grains of rice dotted the shoulders and lapels of his navy blue blazer. He’d long ago given his yellow pocket square to Blossom who, in a chair opposite, was crying softly into her hands.

“It shows,” Olivia said. She glanced toward the elevators. Still no sign of Clint. Maybe she’d been right that even dabbling in the dating scene again was a bad idea. “Of course it shows. What’s taking so long?”

“Don’t ask me.” He looked at her. “Reminds you of the flood, doesn’t it? Being trapped at the ranch? I feel as helpless now as I did then.”

Olivia shuddered. Nick’s temperature had kept spiking higher, and she and Sam hadn’t been able to get it down even with cool baths. “I thought you’d never get there.”

He arched an eyebrow. When the waters started rising at the Circle H, Logan had been in Wichita for his job as a test pilot for a small manufacturer of private jets. Now he was a rancher again, though she wondered if that would last. “Lucky we did. After I reached your brother’s place, we rode cross-country in the pitch-black, praying our horses wouldn’t run into a barbed wire fence we couldn’t see.” That only reminded her of the horse she’d lost in that same field. “I’m still sorry, Olivia, that I wasn’t there for you sooner.”

Briefly, she leaned her head against his shoulder. “You came,” she said. “That’s all that mattered.” And at one time, she’d thought he was everything she needed. “I shouldn’t have spent so much time blaming you.” Three years, she thought, until this past spring.

She straightened, her heart tripping. Sawyer was coming down the hall toward them at last. She couldn’t tell from his face what, if anything, he’d learned.

Logan shot to his feet. “Well?”

Sawyer put out both hands, palms down. “Relax. He’s okay. No real damage.”

“Then why aren’t you smiling?” Olivia asked.

Sawyer seemed not to hear her. “He doesn’t quite know what happened at the barn but that’s nothing to worry about. He’ll remember. His pupils are equal and reactive now...”

Logan shook his head. “That reminds me of Sam. While he still had his cast on, he decided to take a horseback ride, prove he was fine—and fell in that same barn aisle. He still has some residual effects from his concussion.”

“He had two falls? All I ever heard was he’d broken his leg.”

“Maybe you should check in more often,” Logan muttered.

Obviously, their reunion hadn’t gone well, but she’d picked up on something that mattered even more to her. He’d said no real damage. “What’s wrong, Sawyer?”

“Probably nothing, just me feeling twitchy.” He shifted from one foot to the other. “The hospital wouldn’t send him home if they thought he wasn’t okay. They’re going to release him tonight...into my care.”

He didn’t seem to want that responsibility, and Olivia wondered why. Although he’d finally come with them to the hospital, she’d resented his hesitation at first. True, he didn’t know Nick very well—in fact, not at all—but did he not like children? Or was he holding a grudge? He and Logan hadn’t been close for a number of years, but that couldn’t be all. As a doctor, Sawyer was bound by an oath to treat those who needed him.

Had he been reluctant to help Nick because of her?

Because his “help” years ago had only led to tragedy for Olivia.

* * *

HOURS LATER, at the ranch, Olivia and Logan settled Nick into bed upstairs while Sawyer paced the family room. If he were the admitting physician at Farrier General, Nick would be in a room there overnight under observation. Or was Sawyer still in panic mode?

All he could think of was another pending disaster. The wrong diagnosis. Something Sawyer had missed at his clinic with someone else’s child. Those nightmares haunted him every night and sometimes during the day until his hands shook and his heart beat like thunder.

If he had to diagnose himself, he’d say post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD, like a soldier after battle, which in a way he supposed he was. Certainly the long hours, the deprivations, the constant stream of crises coming through the clinic door after the landslide should qualify as traumatic. For sure, his error in judgment did.

And then, as if he needed more, there was Olivia. Being back had already made clear her ongoing mistrust of him. Earlier, she couldn’t get away from him fast enough.

He turned to make another circuit of the room. The house, the yard, were quiet. The reception was long over. The caterers had packed up and left, and not a single car remained in the makeshift parking area. The nearby kitchen looked immaculate. The neatness all around should have calmed him, its sense of order and all the trappings of civilization.

What could happen here? But of course, he knew, and not only because of Nick. Because of Olivia.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs and, before Sawyer could finish his thought, Logan walked into the room. He’d ditched his blazer and tie and rolled up his white shirtsleeves.

“He asleep?” Sawyer asked.

“Drifting in and out, I think.”

Olivia had wanted to take Nick home to their house in Barren, to his own bed for the night, but Logan wouldn’t hear of that. Olivia would stay here with Nick, and the newlyweds would spend their first night of marriage on the Circle H, close enough to make sure Nick was okay before they even thought about leaving on their honeymoon. And perhaps most important, this was where Sawyer would be staying. He was supposedly in charge for the night. Nick had been released only because a doctor would be present.

His palms began to sweat. And as he’d expected earlier, his brother wasn’t happy with him. Nick’s accident had only delayed their talk.

“I appreciate you finally coming back,” Logan said. “Even if you didn’t make it in time to be my best man. But I’m still mad.”

“Because I showed up late? I’m sorry, but I’m here now.” His brother appeared a lot calmer than Sawyer felt. His reluctance to explain himself warred with his longing to reconnect with his twin. He wanted to hear Logan call him Tom again, as he used to do, a teasing play on his name.

“Hell, Sawyer, you didn’t even bother to answer my calls.”

Okay, he could give Logan this much. “I run a clinic in a remote area. You can’t imagine how remote. I bet you’ve never heard of Kedar. In the heart of the Himalayas, the highest, most rugged mountains on earth. You think the Circle H can be hard to get to?”

“Hard enough,” Logan murmured. “Three years ago, we nearly lost Nick right here when a spring flood blocked the roads to town and washed out the driveway. He and Olivia were stuck, trapped, in fact—I wasn’t home—and Nick was very sick.”

“I didn’t know.”

“If Grey and I hadn’t forged our way from Wilson Cattle over the hill on horseback, he could have died of pneumonia. So yeah, I know hard.”

“Maybe so, but those people I work with have very little. To them, the Circle H would seem like paradise—except they love those mountains. Even my sat phone doesn’t always work there.” He added, “If it did, I would have called you back.” Yet his phone had been working fine before the landslide; his cell, too, most of the time. “I imagine Grey Wilson must have done a good job as best man in my place.”

“He did. But how would I know about your sat phone—or anything else? Sawyer, the last time I talked to you, about Sam’s accident, all I got was ‘I’m here and there, doing this and that.’ That was months ago. And then there was your silence about the wedding. We’re brothers. Why didn’t you tell me where you were? What you were doing?”

Sawyer took the verbal lashing. He had been secretive about his clinic, about his life there. For one thing, Sam wouldn’t have approved. For another, Sawyer’s decision to leave the Circle H—in part because of his feelings for Olivia—had been immature, and though he didn’t regret opening the clinic, he was sorry for the way he’d left things at home. Not sharing much about Kedar had been a way to avoid dealing with how he’d treated his family. He wasn’t proud of running out on them, but it was obviously his MO.

Logan wasn’t finished. “After Mom and Dad died, you and I were never apart for more than a day or two until you left here for good. Left me with the Circle H,” Logan said. “And that’s all I get from you now? Some weak excuse? I mean, what’s the point of living in a place like you describe?”

“I like to help people. I don’t belong here anymore.”

“What are you, really? Special Ops—and you don’t want us to know? A spy?”

He didn’t smile. “I’m just a doctor.” Or I was. He wouldn’t elaborate. If Logan couldn’t accept his apology for nearly missing his wedding day, he could live with that. He had a bigger guilt to wrestle with—and that was on him alone. He wasn’t about to share. “Listen. Just as you asked, I’ll stay with Sam while you and Blossom take your honeymoon. I hope you have a great time.” He held his breath. “We okay, then?”

Logan shrugged. “I’ll see how you do while I’m gone. Think I’ll try to get some sleep,” he said, then turned and went up the stairs.

Sawyer let out a sigh. But he wasn’t alone for long. Logan had no sooner disappeared than Olivia came down the steps. She looked wan, exhausted, and Sawyer didn’t want to face her, not after their earlier conversation.

“You look beat. You can have my room, Olivia.” The words sounded strange to him. Sawyer hadn’t slept there in over nine years, but the wallpaper, the bedspread, the pictures on the desk were still the same. He’d left that room, this ranch, behind a few days after Olivia married his brother.

He tried a half smile. “I’ll take my pillow, though, if you don’t mind. Took me a long time to get that punched down just the way I like it. I’ve missed that.” Missed you, he thought, but he could never say so and certainly she didn’t feel the same way about him.

Olivia cleared her throat. “Fine. Or I could take this sofa.”

“Wouldn’t hear of it. You need a good night’s rest.”

“You don’t?”

“I’ll need to check on Nick periodically.” He already dreaded that. The boy wasn’t his responsibility and yet tonight he was. Being near Nick made him more than uncomfortable, afraid he’d do something wrong again, maybe with catastrophic results. Yet he owed Olivia—and had for years.

“Thank you, Sawyer.” The sound of his name from her lips made every muscle in his body tense. “This certainly isn’t a holiday for you. Leaving your busy practice, coming back for Logan...ending up with another case on your hands.”

“For tonight.” For you, he thought. He paused. “I’m not really practicing medicine now. While I’m here to help out at the Circle H, I’ll need to make some decisions about my future.”

“You wouldn’t go back? To wherever you’ve been?”

Sawyer hesitated, then mumbled something vague about Kedar. Their friendship had ended, she’d married his twin brother instead...and Sawyer hadn’t been the same since.

“Don’t know,” he said. “Don’t need to know right now.”

Olivia glanced down at the rug, then up again. Her eyes held his. “There must be some reason for your indecision.” She waved a hand as if she were indicating his clinic, which seemed unlikely. She didn’t know about what had happened there.

Sawyer had told Logan enough for one night. He wouldn’t enlighten Olivia. No one else had to know about his mistake—not this far removed from the clinic, and certainly not at the Circle H, where he’d experienced the other two worst moments of his life. Losing both his parents at once and, later, driving Olivia away.

Anyway, he wouldn’t be able to get the words out without crumbling into pieces. Olivia was the last person he’d confide in. He couldn’t risk showing her his weakness, which would only reaffirm what she must still think of him.

“I need to check on Nick,” he said and started for the stairs.

CHAPTER THREE

BY THE NEXT MORNING, Nick seemed much better. Olivia was not. Although she felt relieved about her son, a glimpse in the bathroom mirror had showed her a too-pale woman with dark shadows under her eyes. At the kitchen table, she sipped coffee and made plans to leave the Circle H as soon as Nick finished his cereal.

His face had color again and he continued to shovel in his breakfast as if he might never see another meal. Sometimes he astonished Olivia with the amount of food he could take in, which should have eased her mind. Her growing boy.

“Eat up, punkin. We need to go. I have an appointment out of town today.”

Nick spoke around a mouthful of Cheerios. “Who’s going to watch me?”

With school out for the summer, she’d have to rely on her usual babysitter, but in last night’s chaos she had forgotten to double-check. “Susie,” she said.

Olivia yawned. She hadn’t slept well in Sawyer’s bed, imagining his scent in the room, surrounded by the trappings of his younger life. And worried about Nick, she’d only dozed, waking with a start each time to wonder if he was okay.

Once in the night, she’d met Logan in the hall with the same intent to see their son, and another time she’d nearly run into Sawyer. Her mind foggy, Olivia had hurried back to her room.

“Why can’t I stay here today?” Nick asked, nearly knocking over his orange juice. “I could ride Hero.”

His new horse was a bone of contention for Olivia, who hadn’t been consulted before Logan bought the gelding. She’d been working on becoming less protective of Nick but had a hard time keeping her mouth shut about this. Logan argued he’d rather see their boy on a steady mount than trying to handle one of the other, sometimes unpredictable, horses already in the Circle H stables. He was too big now for a pony.

She had to admit the gentle gray gelding with a showy black mane and tail took good care of Nick. She shouldn’t worry, not about that at least.

“No Hero today for you.” Logan had appeared in the kitchen doorway, and Olivia appreciated the backup despite wondering how long their united front would last. “Nicky, that’s not a good idea. Grandpa Sam will set you up with the TV instead. You can watch a movie, play a video game...”

Nick gave him an assessing look. “Daddy, I want to ride.”

Logan smiled at Blossom, who had joined him in the doorway. They both wore a visible glow this morning. He caught Olivia staring at them.

“A different wedding night than we’d planned,” he admitted. “We both passed out as soon as our heads hit the pillows. We’ll be talking about that for years.” On his way by, Logan ruffled Nick’s hair then headed for the coffee maker. “I know you’re feeling better, but you took quite a spill last night. Hero can wait for a few days. Okay?”

Nick didn’t answer. He crunched more cereal. Obviously unhappy, he refused to look at Logan, and Olivia saw the little frown between his brows that, in such a young face, always clutched at her heart. She set aside her coffee cup, then rose from the table.

“I appreciate the offer to keep Nick, but I’ll see that he plays quietly today at home,” she said, making a mental note to call Susie. Olivia turned to Blossom, who was pouring a glass of orange juice. “Are you guys leaving today?”

“The car’s already packed.” She hugged Olivia. “Thanks for coming yesterday. I know that wasn’t easy for you, then Nick had his accident... That was quite a scare, but since he seems to be fine, yes—we’ll start for the West Coast.”

That had been Blossom’s dream when she’d fled the nightmare of her previous relationship. On the run from her abusive fiancé and determined to protect her unborn baby, she’d thought if she reached California she’d be free. Olivia was glad she had a happier occasion to celebrate now and the coming baby to look forward to soon.

Blossom and Logan were driving west. Her pregnancy was far enough along that she didn’t feel comfortable flying, and some airlines didn’t permit that in the last trimester. They also wanted to see the sights on their way.

“I’m good,” Nick said to his cereal bowl. “My head hardly hurts at all.”

Another pair of footsteps clattered down the steps and Sawyer came into the room. He looked at Olivia as he spoke, his tone thin. The conversation must have drifted up the stairs to him. “He really should stay here.” As if he didn’t want him to but felt he had to suggest that. “With Sam,” he added.

Was he omitting himself? Sawyer had always had a passionate streak, taking chances, riding the rankest horse. Olivia felt certain he’d carried that into his career as a physician, one who must deal often with trauma worse than Nick’s fall yesterday. His history of making quick decisions, taking risks, would be an asset.

Yet she saw a new difference in him. Olivia couldn’t put her finger on what that was, but she saw it in his eyes. He seemed to be hiding something deep inside.

She stared into her half-empty cup. The riskiest thing she planned to do was to possibly move away from Barren.

“Did I hear my name?” When Sam wandered into the kitchen in search of coffee, too, she almost groaned. He and Nick liked to hang out together and she expected Sam to weigh in about Nick, but he surprised her. “Sorry, won’t be here today. With Logan gone, I have work to do.” He didn’t mention Sawyer.

She felt almost sorry for him. He still had his troubles with Sam and Logan.

Olivia gathered her bag and the sweater she’d brought yesterday in case the air grew cool during the reception. “My sitter can watch Nick. I’ll fill Susie in on his fall so she’ll make sure he takes it easy. Let’s go, punkin.”

She wondered if she imagined the relief on Sawyer’s face.

* * *

AFTER OLIVIA LEFT with Nick, Sawyer wandered down to the barn. Aside from last night, he hadn’t been there in nine years. The familiar smells of hay and leather and manure assailed his senses, taking him back to another time when life had seemed simpler—when as a boy, then during college, Sawyer had lived for this barn, these horses. Back when he’d expected to take over the Circle H one day.

Then, after Sawyer’s first year of med school, Olivia had married his brother, and Sawyer had stopped coming home. Sometimes he thought part of his reason for opening the clinic in Kedar three years ago had been to get so far away from Barren that he’d never feel tempted to contact Olivia again.

This morning he couldn’t get past his new feelings of guilt, and to make matters worse, he was still worried about Nick.

My head hardly hurts at all. Sometimes, as Sawyer knew only too well, kids tried to cover up or downplay their symptoms, or they couldn’t articulate what was wrong until it was too late. Yet, even the Hippocratic oath couldn’t convince Sawyer it was his place to make Nick stay at the ranch or to watch over him. Olivia had decided to leave, and she was Nick’s mother.

In the quiet sunlit aisle of the barn, he talked for a few minutes with a couple of ranch hands. The pair was saddling a bay mare and an Appaloosa gelding. Willy and Tobias were getting ready to ride fence, he supposed. Once he went back up the hill, he’d be alone in the house. He had nothing to do. “I could ride with you,” he offered, although he hadn’t been on a horse much in recent years.

Willy, a tall man with dirty blond hair and a sly manner Sawyer didn’t like, eyed him up and down, obviously noting his new jeans and boots. “Rough work,” he said. “Wouldn’t want to mess you up.”

Tobias, who was older and had a wiry build, snorted. “Fancy duds.”

Sawyer flinched. They didn’t want him to go with them. Okay, he got that. Once he’d been a pretty fair hand. Now, with rusty skills, he’d only get in their way. He’d likely cut himself on some barbed wire and remember he was overdue for a tetanus shot.

Tobias and Willy mounted up. With a tip of their hats, they ducked low to ride out of the barn, looking more comfortable in their well-worn saddles than they did on two legs. As their horses trotted toward the pasture gate, he heard the two men laughing.

Leaning to open the gate, Willy called back. “Come over to the Wilsons’ later if you want to help. We’re rounding up some missing cattle.” A wedding guest last night had mentioned a trio of rustlers who’d tried to clean Grey Wilson out, but they’d been caught and the local ranchers had offered to help bring the cows home. “Logan’s prob’ly got some old clothes you can borrow. Pickup keys are in the black truck.”

Sawyer watched them go. He was only here to help Sam and get his own head together. After Logan returned from his honeymoon, Sawyer would leave. Yet Grey was an old friend. How could he not drive over to Wilson Cattle, at least offer to pitch in?