Courting Her Prodigal Heart

She stepped between the buggies, and her breathing came in catches. She didn’t want to go inside and have everyone stare at her. She’d hoped to arrive unnoticed. Just her family would know she had come. Not only would they be surprised but shocked. She couldn’t turn back now. No way did she want to return to the unpredictable women’s homeless shelter. The one thing she could say about the Ordnung rules, they made life here predictable.

She ventured toward the house she’d grown up in and climbed the porch. Sweat broke out on her upper lip. Just look for Eli. He will welcome me. She was sure of it.

Voices rose in a cappella with the words from hymn 131, “Das Loblied,” “Hymn of Praise.” Always the second song.

The words floated back to her like a gentle breeze, and she mouthed the all-too-familiar hymn as she stowed her suitcases at the end of the porch. As though being drawn forward by something outside herself, she moved toward the open doorway. With a deep breath, she slipped inside at the back of the room. Fortunately, everyone was on their feet for singing. Wouldn’t Eli be surprised to see her?

And there he stood in the last row on the far side in the corner. His usual place. He looked in her direction and stared for a moment with wide eyes, probably wondering why she—an Englisher—had invaded an Amish service. He motioned her over and pointed to his place.

Her stomach twisted even more. She shook her head, undeserving to take his seat and preferring to stand by the door for a quick exit if she needed it.

He crossed to her, causing several of the single men who always inhabited the back of the room to turn. He guided her to the bench.

She wanted to refuse, but more than that she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. No going unnoticed now. She stood where he’d been, and he positioned himself between the end of the bench and the wall. “Thanks,” she whispered and turned from him. She had been right about him welcoming her. At least until he found out who she was.

The man she stood next to jerked his attention forward. He’d obviously been staring. Was he the same one with Eli yesterday? She knew him but couldn’t pull his name out of her tumultuous brain. It would come to her later. Rather than singing, she hummed along with the other voices, not wanting to give away her heritage. People would know all too soon who had invaded their midst.

After the next hymn ended, everyone sat. She did so as well, now grateful for a seat. She would blend in better sitting as opposed to standing by the door. As much as she could blend in with brightly colored hair and Englisher clothes.

How unorthodox for a woman to be among the young, unmarried men. This would cause a stir. Without enough room on the bench, Eli stood against the wall, as did a few other young men. Having him near gave her courage. Several of the men along the bench glanced in her direction. She tried to feign invisibility.

The bishop stood in the front of the room, Bishop Bontrager, her grandfather. Strict. Inflexible. Judgmental.

She held her breath. Would he see her? Of course he would with her hair. How could he miss her? She might as well be wearing a flashing neon sign on her head. But would he recognize her? Would he accept her back? He and the other leaders were hard on young people who indulged too much during Rumspringa or left the faith altogether. Both of which she had done. She’d never planned to return, but here she sat. She wished she’d worn a dark beanie hat to hide her hair.

He was giving one of the three sermons that would be preached by three different men this morning. Though his voice didn’t have the edge to it she remembered, it still grated on her nerves, hearing his years of admonishments echoing in her head.

Please, don’t have him see me. Now she wished she had waited on the porch. She could’ve listened from there just as well.

She glanced up at Eli, who was staring at her, and her heart skipped a beat. He jerked his gaze away and to the front where it should have been. Had he been trying to figure out why an Englisher was here? Or had he recognized her?

She turned her attention to the bishop, who spoke about the woman caught in sin.

Strange. Dori tilted her head. Was that compassion for the woman in his voice? In times past, he would pound the point home that the woman had been caught in sin and would focus on her sin and how wrong she’d been.

His gaze flitted over his flock but kept returning to Dori, and finally, it rested on her. His words halted momentarily. Could he have recognized her? Even with her strange hair and makeup? What would he do now? Single her out as the sinful woman she was?

His eyes softened even more, and his lips pulled up ever so slightly at the corners. He didn’t take his eyes off her as he went on. He thumped his fingertips on his chest when he emphasized that the eldest among the accusers dropped his stone first and walked away. “‘Neither do I condemn thee.’” He spoke the words as though they were just for Dori.

She swore she could see a tear roll down his cheek. Had he changed in the years she’d been gone? She couldn’t imagine that he had. Too much to hope for.

When he was through, he sat in one of the chairs up front off to the side reserved for the church leaders but kept his gaze on her.

She couldn’t tell if he was chastising her for being the biggest sinner of them all or if he was... Dare she hope he forgave her?

It didn’t matter. Even shunned here with the Amish was better than being in the shelter out there, wondering where her next meal would come from. Scared. Alone. She would actually prefer to have people not speak to her rather than face their condemnation.

When the service concluded, Dori remained seated while others filed outside to eat lunch in the late-spring sunshine. People glanced at her on their way past or pretended not to see her at all. Just as well. Dori kept her head down when her parents passed by. Everyone left except Dori, Eli Hochstetler and the bishop.

Eli motioned toward the door and spoke in English. “We eat a meal together. You’re welcome to join us.”

She delighted in his kindness and wanted to savor it. The fact that he was handsome didn’t hurt. His nearness fortified her nerves.

Bishop Bontrager approached and spoke in Deutsch. “I’ll see to this young lady.”

Though Eli appeared reluctant, he gave a nod and left without protest.

She wanted to call back her benefactor. Her champion.

The bishop held out his hands, palms up, continuing in Deutsch. “You’ve come home. At long last.” He had recognized her. What was this welcoming attitude?

“Ja. Ne.” But she was here, and this had once been her home. “Ja.” Dori stared at his hands a moment, then put hers in his. She didn’t know what else to say. Should she come right out and tell him she was going to have a baby? She should tell him, but he seemed genuinely pleased to see her. She didn’t want to destroy that. Didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face when he learned how far she’d fallen. She wanted to bask in the joy and love she felt at this moment. What must he think of her wild appearance?

“You’ve grown up in the years you’ve been away.” He squeezed her hands. “Let’s go tell your vater and mutter you’ve returned.”

Dori pulled free. “Ne. Not out there. Not in front of everyone. I didn’t realize it was service Sunday. I hadn’t even realized it was Sunday at all.”

He pulled his eyebrows down. “You didn’t know it was Sunday?”

She shouldn’t have admitted that. She braced herself for a lecture about going to church.

But instead, he held up a hand. “Wait here, and I’ll bring them to you.” He walked out, but stopped at the door and stared at her. “Welcome home, meine enkelin.” He left.

Was she welcome? Would she be welcomed by her vater and mutter? If the bishop could welcome her, then certainly her parents would. She put one hand on her stomach. But would she still be welcomed when she told them? Even the New Order Amish here in Elkhart County, Indiana, had their limitations of what they would tolerate. She had gone far outside those boundaries.

She should leave. Before the bishop and her parents returned. But how could she escape without being seen? If she left now, where would she go? Return to the shelter? To Craig? He’d made it clear that the only way he’d have her back was if she “got rid of it” as he put it. She caressed her growing stomach. Her baby was a person to be loved and who would love her. Not something to be gotten rid of.

When the door opened, Dori jumped and spun around. She faced her parents.

Bishop Bontrager motioned toward her. “Our Dorcas has come home.”

She cringed at her given name.

Mutter’s face lit up, and she rushed to Dori and hugged her. “You’re home. You’re finally home.”

Dori hugged her in return. She’d missed her. “I’m back.” Sort of. No sense clouding the moment by telling them she didn’t plan to stay.

Vater hung back. “Until the next time she doesn’t like the Ordnung rules.”

Two out of three people happy to see her wasn’t so bad. Or was that three out of four if she counted Eli?

Would she be forced to abide by the Ordnung if her stay was only temporary? Would she follow the rules for the sake of her child? The Ordnung offered a degree of safety and security. Two things she needed most right now. “I will try.” She couldn’t promise anything more than that.

He gave a nod. “Then welcome home.” But his words weren’t filled with cheer or even pleasure, only resignation. “Come eat.”

She couldn’t have pretense and secrets if she was going to live under her vater’s roof. When he found out, it would be worse. “Wait. I have to tell you something first.”

Three sets of questioning eyes stared at her.

Best to get it over with quickly. “I’m going to have a baby.”

Mutter clapped her hands together and put them to her lips. “Our first grandchild.”

Vater glanced around and then narrowed his eyes at her. “Where is your husband?”

The temptation to tell him that her “husband” had died tickled her tongue. He would accept that, and everything would be fine. No one would have any reason to shun her or hate her.

But she couldn’t.

“I have no husband.”

Mutter gasped.

Vater glared. “So this is why you have returned. Where is the vater?”

“He doesn’t want us anymore.” Craig’s rejection had hurt more than anything.

“See where your sin has gotten you?”

“Andrew,” Bishop Bontrager said.

Her vater narrowed his gaze at his own vater, the bishop of the whole community. “She has brought this on herself. I want no part of her.”

Mutter gasped again. “Andrew, you can’t mean that.”

“I do. And you are to have nothing to do with her either.”

The bishop put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “We must all forgive trespasses as the Vater in heaven forgives us.”

Her vater shot his hand out to the side, pointing at the floor. “Not this. If we forgive her, what does it say to all the other young people going on Rumspringa?”

The bishop straightened. “That we show grace and mercy as our Heavenly Vater shows grace and mercy to us.”

“Ne. It shows we condone their actions. Then every girl will return pregnant and every boy a vater-to-be.”

“Release the rock in your hand, Andrew.”

Her vater glared. “You might be able to forgive her, but I can’t.” He wheeled around and walked to the door. He stopped and turned. “Come, Leah.”

Dori’s mutter glanced between her daughter and her husband.

Dori gave Mutter a nod that she understood her mutter wasn’t abandoning her like Vater.

Her mutter gave her a weak smile and followed her husband out.

Dori blinked, freeing the tears pooled in her eyes. Then she turned to the bishop. “What do I do now? I thought my parents would allow me to come back. I have no place to live, no money and no job. I assumed I’d be shunned, but I’d at least have a roof over my head.”

“You have a roof.”

“I don’t want to be in my vater’s haus if he can’t tolerate my presence.”

“You’ll come and live under meine roof. I’m across the yard in the dawdy haus.”

This was a turnaround. She’d thought her grossvater, the bishop, would be the one to reject her and her vater to welcome her. “The dawdy haus isn’t big enough. It has only one bedroom.”

“We’ll manage. I’ll hear no arguing over the matter.”

“Danki.” She needed to know where she stood in the community. “Am I to be shunned?”

The bishop smiled. Or was that her grossvater smiling at her? “Did you join church before you left?”

“Ne.” But he knew that already.

“Then there are no grounds on which to shun you. You don’t fall under the Ordnung or church rules.” He smiled broadly. “So we can eat together.”

“Don’t you eat at the big haus with Vater, Mutter and the rest of the family?”

“I did. But now that you’re here, you can cook for the two of us.”

“Are you sure?” It was as though he was choosing to be cut off like one who was shunned.

“Let’s call it your rent for staying in meine home.”

“Danki. I appreciate this so much, but I have to ask. Why this change of heart? You never would have accepted me home before.”

“You aren’t the only one who did some growing up while you were gone. I’m an old man. I don’t want to spend what few years I have left at odds with meine family.”

“But you are at odds with your son because of me.”

“Andrew will come around. Given enough time.”

Would she be here long enough to see his change? And when she left again, it would confirm that he’d been right about her.

Eli Hochstetler had stared in wonder when Bishop Bontrager left the haus and then returned with his son Andrew Bontrager and his son’s wife, Leah. Why had the Bontragers gone back inside? Why would the bishop want them to meet Rainbow Girl? Unless...they knew her? But how could they? Who was she?

He thought hard and could come up with only one name. Dorcas?

Couldn’t be. But the twisting in the pit of his stomach and the leap of his heart said otherwise.

Rainbow Girl had seemed familiar, and now he knew why. She was Dorcas Bontrager, the sweet girl who had turned her back on her Amish life.

And him.

Anger boiled inside him. Why hadn’t she told him? Why had she returned? Was she here to stay?

Someone nudged him. “Did you invite that Englisher here to make a website for you?”

Eli turned to Daniel. “Ne. I had no idea she would show up.”

“Did you tell her you needed a website? Maybe she decided to see if she could persuade you. Englishers can be pushy that way. Thinking they know better than we do.”

“Don’t talk about her like that. I told her to go to her family.” Apparently, she’d taken his advice.

“I wonder why she came.”

Eli held his tongue.

“Are you coming to eat?”

“Not yet. You go on.”

Daniel walked away.

Soon, the door to the haus opened, and Andrew Bontrager stood in the threshold. Quickly, his wife joined him, and they left. Neither happy. One angry, the other on the verge of tears.

Where were the bishop and Rainbow Girl?

He longed to see her, to make sure it was indeed her—or that it wasn’t. Which did he want? Both. Neither. So he stood at the bottom of the steps, anticipating. Debating. Should he go inside?

Eli startled at the appearance of the bishop and Rainbow Girl in the doorway, and he stuttered out words. “B-Bishop Bontrager.”

The bishop’s eyes widened. “Ah, Eli. This is meine enkelin, Dorcas. And this is Eli Hochstetler. But you two already know each other.”

His gut twisted, and his heart leaped. He stared hard to find some glint of the Amish girl who’d once lived among them. “Dorcas?”

She spoke in Deutsch. “Ja. It’s me. I’m Dori now.”

Even after all this time, he’d still imagined her very Amish. Not...this. “Nice to see you. Again.”

Dorcas smiled a smile to rattle a man’s nerves. “Good to see you again too, Eli.”

Eli understood. The lilt of an accent he’d heard came from her Amish roots.

The bishop stepped forward and pointed to the other end of the porch. “Eli, would you get meine enkelin’s suitcases and take them to the dawdy haus?”

He glanced down at the stoop. “She’s staying?”

“Ja. Meine enkelin has come home.”

Dorcas’s expression said she wasn’t pleased about it.

Bishop Bontrager gave him a pointed look. “Will you bring them?”

Eli wanted to take them for the Amish girl who had left him behind but not for the outrageous Englisher who had returned in her place.

“I can get my own things.” Dorcas stepped in that direction.

“Of course, I’ll get them.” Eli bounded up the four steps in two strides. He gripped the two side handles and hoisted the suitcases.

Rainbow Girl pointed. “They have wheels.”

He extended one index finger. “They’ll bounce around too much going over the grass.” For some strange reason, having her back in the community both excited and repelled him. How could Dorcas—the rebel—interest him? He followed Bishop Bontrager and Rainbow Girl.

As they passed the crowd dishing up food and eating, many stared at Dorcas.

Eli wanted to tell everyone to stop gawking, that they were being rude. He wanted to protect her.

Inside the dawdy haus, Bishop Bontrager indicated next to the door. “You can set them there.”

He didn’t want to be dismissed so soon. He wanted to stay with Rainbow Girl a little longer. “I can take them—”

The bishop lifted his hand. “Here will be fine.”

He set down the suitcases. “Is there anything else I can do to help?” He glanced at Rainbow Girl, who was watching him.

She gave him a small smile in return that delighted him.

The bishop said, “Ne. That will be all. Danki.”

Though Eli wanted to stay, he backed out the door and continued until he stumbled down the two steps. He didn’t need this, any of this. He needed to stop thinking about Rainbow Girl and focus on getting his ironworks business going this summer. And he wouldn’t be asking her for any help whatsoever.

He’d also planned to start courting this summer. He hadn’t decided who to court yet. But it was high time he took a wife.

Dorcas returning changed everything.

Not necessarily for the gut.

Chapter Three

A hole widened inside Dori after Eli left. She glanced around the tiny dawdy haus. Her and Craig’s apartment had been bigger. And she might have been able to mistake this dwelling for any apartment except for the lack of a big flat-screen TV and a laptop.

The bishop grasped the roller handle of one of the suitcases and aimed for the short hallway with three doors. “The bedroom’s back here.”

She gripped the side of the extended handle. “I won’t take your bedroom. I’ll be fine out here.” Fortunately, the full-size couch looked comfortable enough. Couldn’t be any worse than the shelter beds.

He stared at the couch. “But...I...I want you to feel welcome.”

She patted his hand, still on her roller bag. “I do. Danki.” She wouldn’t be staying for long and didn’t want to put him out. The less comfortable she was, the better.

He released his hold on the bag.

How surreal to be here. It was as though she were walking through some bizarre dream. “I appreciate you letting me stay with you for a few days.” Strange that she’d so easily slipped back into speaking Deutsch. Almost natural. The rest of her short stay wouldn’t be so effortless.

“I can’t begin to express how pleased I am you’ve returned.”

“I haven’t returned. I just need a place to stay until I can get things sorted out.” Or until Craig came for her.

“But you’re here, and I’m grateful for that.”

“I’m grateful too. If you hadn’t taken me in, I would’ve had to return to the homeless shelter.”

“Homeless?” His eyes widened. “You are never homeless. You always have a place with me. Let’s go get some food.”

Dori’s insides turned cold. “You go. I’ll stay here.” Though hungry, she didn’t want to face the others and be stared at again. Walking from the big haus to the dawdy haus had been bad enough, like running a gauntlet or being an oddity in a freak show.

“You have to eat.”

She was about to lie and say she wasn’t hungry when her stomach growled loudly. Why couldn’t it have waited a minute or two? “I can’t. You go.”

He hesitated. “Everyone will be glad for your return.”

Dori shook her head. “You saw the way Vater reacted.”

“But your mutter was pleased, as others will be.”

“She’s not allowed to be pleased.” That was clear enough.

“It will be fine. You’ll see.”

She wasn’t convinced. Chances were that more people than not would have a mind-set like her vater’s. If Eli were here to go with her, she might be brave enough to risk it. “I’ll pass.”

After a moment, he nodded. “I’ll bring you a plate of food. Make yourself at home.” He scuttled out the door.

Eli ignored the smells of food and the buzz of people talking around the lunch tables in the yard. Instead, he stood, leaning against a large, blooming fruit tree that had been grafted to bear three different varieties of apples in season. Waiting. For what, he wasn’t sure. To catch a glimpse of Rainbow Girl? Ne. Her unruly image was seared into his brain. The bishop to come out? Ne. He would wonder why Eli was standing around and not filling a plate. Eli had no idea why he stood here, just that he couldn’t tear his gaze from the dawdy haus she’d disappeared into.

Daniel once again came up to him, holding a plate heaped with food this time. “Who is she? And why has she gone into the bishop’s haus? Is she planning to convert?”

Eli doubted that. Should he tell Daniel who she was? He would find out soon enough. “She’s Dorcas Bontrager, the bishop’s enkelin.”

“Are you serious?”

Eli wished he wasn’t.

“Weren’t you sweet on her?”

Dorcas? Ja. This Englisher? Ne. “That was a long time ago. I’ve gotten over her.” But had he? His flip-floppy emotions told him there was still something there. But what?

“You better get some food before all the gut stuff is gone.” Daniel took a big bite of the chicken that was on his plate.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes. You go on.”

Though Daniel seemed reluctant, he walked off.

When the bishop exited, Eli pushed away from the trunk.

Bishop Bontrager made eye contact and headed in his direction. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“Um... I didn’t know if you would need any more help.”

The old man’s eyes brightened. “I do have something. Let’s fill plates and take them back to meine haus and discuss what I have in mind.”

Back to where she was. This was a change from being dismissed a few minutes ago. The bishop wanted Eli to help him? An honor.