A Cowboy In Her Arms

Just as well, the look on her face as she spoke told him she wasn’t praising his decision to move to Briggs. No warm and fuzzy for him. No welcome mat or welcome anything. Instead, she seemed to be reciting the riot act, which he deserved, but was glad he couldn’t hear.

There was a break in the action so Joel tried to jump in and tell her she was wasting her breath. “Callie, I’m afraid...”

But she cut him off before he could get a full sentence out.

“You should be afraid...” she said, and went on with her muffled tirade.

She finished at almost the exact same time the last of the fireworks burst in the sky, causing a visceral reaction in him as he remembered another time when they’d watched fireworks together, naked, from the tiny deck outside his apartment off campus. They’d just finished making love when the Fourth of July fireworks had started at the local stadium. She had been hesitant to step out on the deck without even a blanket to cover her body, but Joel had assured her no one was around...until they spotted Old Man Greely peering at her from across the courtyard.

Joel immediately stood in front of her, but by then, Callaghan told him it was too late, so instead she twirled around a few times and danced back inside, undoubtedly giving Mr. Greely the time of his life.

“I’m sure I deserve everything you just said and possibly more,” Joel told her, glad he hadn’t been able to hear any of it.

“That’s your answer?” Her shoulders went down as she shuffled her feet.

“What was the question?”

“What are you doing here, Joel?”

“Like I said, I’m living here now, settling in with Polly Sloan and my little girl, Emma.”

“And where’s that wife of yours? Oh, wait, don’t tell me. She’s dumped you for another man. Maybe there is karma in this world after all.”

Her comment sliced through his heart, pulling the last breath out of his soul. He assumed... He never suspected for a moment... In a small town like this where news had to travel like greased lightning, it didn’t seem possible that she didn’t know the truth about what happened to Sarah.

His stomach clenched. “I assumed you knew, Callie. I never for a moment thought you...”

“What? Heard that your wife ran out on you? No. I didn’t know, but your showing up here without her can only mean one thing. She left you with a child to raise while she went off with another guy. Is that about right?”

He knew Callaghan well enough to see that hidden under all her bravado, she was still hurting. He didn’t know quite how to tell her what had happened to Sarah, how to break it to her gently. He decided instead to simply come out and say it.

“Callie, Sarah died six months ago in a small plane accident. I thought you knew. I’m so sorry.”

* * *

IT FELT AS if someone had punched Callie in the stomach and forced out all the air in her lungs. She took in a deep, ragged breath. Her eyes instantly reflected her emotion. She tried to control the tears, but it seemed impossible to do.

“I had no idea, Joel. I’m so sorry. What happened?”

As Joel sucked in a breath to answer her question, a blond-haired little girl, with those same sky blue eyes that Joel had, with traces of pink cotton candy on her cheeks, appeared behind him, running full out.

“Daddy! Daddy! Did you see the fireworks? Weren’t they beautiful, Daddy? Which ones did you like best? I liked the great big red ones that burst into spinning stars. Those were my favorite. You should’ve come back, Daddy. We waited for you, but you didn’t come back like you promised.”

Joel ignored all her questions and instead swooped the child up in his arms and settled her on his hip.

“I’m sorry, kitten, but I’d like you to meet someone I knew a long time ago.”

The child wrapped her arms around her dad’s neck and nestled her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want to meet anybody, Daddy. I just want to go home with you and Auntie Polly.”

Callie suddenly felt awkward and out of place. Obviously, she was the intruder in this child’s world.

“That’s not very nice, Emma,” Joel whispered to his daughter. “I taught you better than that. Where are your manners?”

“I’m tired, Daddy. I want to go home.” She balled up her hands and rubbed her tearful eyes. Callie couldn’t tell if her fatigue was genuine or if she was trying to manipulate her dad. Either way, Callie wanted the awkward meeting to end.

“It’s okay,” Callie told him, not wanting to intrude on Joel and his child.

“I apologize,” Joel told Callie. “She’s usually not like this.”

“I’m sure it’s been a long day for her...for me, too. I’ll be heading home soon, as well.”

“See, Daddy, even the lady wants to go home.”

“Okay, baby,” Joel said as he rubbed Emma’s back. “But first could you at least say hello to the nice lady? Her name is Callie and she knew your mommy when she was a little girl.”

Emma slowly turned toward Callie as she twirled a thick strand of her golden hair between her fingers.

Callie blinked a couple times, trying to take in what she was seeing. Little Emma looked exactly like her mom, down to the dimpled chin and the way her hair curled in little coils around her face. She even played with her hair exactly like her mom had. The vision brought back the good memories of Sarah. The memories Callie had locked away and never wanted to think about again.

“You knew my mommy?” Emma asked in between staggered hiccups.

Callie could hardly speak as she stared at Sarah’s child. The resemblance was striking. “Yes, we used to play together at Aunt Polly’s house.”

“Aunt Polly said she was going to teach me how to ride a horse. Do you know how to ride a horse?”

But Callie suddenly felt tongue-tied, especially after her exhibition that afternoon.

Joel answered for her. “She sure does, kitten. She rode a horse in the parade today.”

Emma pushed herself up and away from her dad, then stared at Callie as if she was studying her for a moment. Joel pulled a tissue from his pocket, wiped her nose and dabbed at her tears.

Soon a wide grin spread across Emma’s cherub face. “Were you the lady who stopped the parade? She was funny.” Emma giggled.

“I...um...”

“Callaghan Grant! Well, I’ll be. It’s so very nice to see you again,” Polly Sloan said, her voice cracking with emotion as she walked up to Callie and gave her a tight hug. “Oh, my darling girl, it’s been way too long.”

Once Callie was surrounded in Polly’s love, she could barely control her brewing emotions over the news of Sarah’s death. It was one thing to hold a grudge against her former best friend for all those years, but that grudge didn’t overshadow how she felt now that she’d learned about Sarah’s passing. Callie never wished her any harm; she simply didn’t want to ever talk to her again...big difference.

“Joel just told me about Sarah,” Callie whispered, trying to keep her voice low enough so Emma wouldn’t hear her. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. It was a shock to us all.”

When they separated, Callie quickly dried her tears using one of the endless supply of tissues that Joel seemed to have in his shirt pocket.

“You’ll come over for dinner one of these nights?” Polly offered. “We’d love to have you as our guest. The place still needs a lot of fixing up, but it’s coming along.”

Callie didn’t know what to say. She had always loved Polly like the aunt she never had. Polly was Sarah’s mom’s older sister, but she might as well have been Callie’s mom’s sister, as well. She had treated Callie and Sarah as equals.

When she and Sarah were young, they’d spend most of their summers on Polly’s ranch. The Snake River ran right through Polly’s land, and the beauty of it was never lost on Callie and Sarah. Most of those long summer days were spent playing in or around the river, sometimes fishing with Polly’s husband, Daniel. Callie had acquired a love of fishing from Daniel, and even now, when she felt stressed or anxious, a few hours of catch and release acted like a balm on her raw nerves.

But all those good memories happened a long time ago, Callie reminded herself. A lot had changed since then, changes that hurt even more now that she’d met Emma.

“Sure, but can I take a rain check on that invitation? I have some work I have to do in the next few days. My new job requires a lot of prep time.”

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart. No rush. Besides, like I said, the place needs more time. You might be disappointed if you stopped by before we brought the Double S back to its former glory.”

Emma leaned in on her dad’s shoulder, still playing with her hair. Joel held her tight against his chest, then he ran a hand over her hair and lovingly kissed his daughter on the top of her head.

Callie couldn’t help feeling a mixture of jealousy and profound sorrow as she watched Joel and Emma together. There was a time in her life when she had wanted nothing more than to have Joel’s baby, to be his wife, to raise their children together.

But her best friend had stolen her dream and made it come true for herself instead.

Callie still wanted a houseful of children, more than ever, but she also knew falling in love with the right man, a man who would love her back with the same commitment, was the single most important aspect of a solid relationship and a loving environment to raise those children.

Now, standing this close to Sarah’s child and seeing how much that child looked exactly like her mom only made Callie’s hurt deepen. Emma should have been her child, not Sarah’s.

“Okay, then let’s wait. You’re living here now, so we have all the time in the world,” Callie told her.

“Can we go home now, Daddy?” Callie detected a whine in Emma’s voice.

“Sure, baby,” Joel cooed.

The child not only looked like her mom, but she seemed to be just as strong-willed.

“We’ll see you soon, Callie,” Joel told her, then turned and walked away. Polly gave her another quick hug and joined them.

As Callie watched them disappear into the dark night, she knew she had no intention of ever stepping one foot on the Double S Ranch, and she certainly had no intention of ever breaking bread with Joel Darwood, the man she had once loved with all her heart.

* * *

JOEL SLIPPED A sleeping Emma into her car seat, made sure Polly was comfortable in the passenger seat and drove his red SUV out of the fairgrounds heading toward home. A full moon led the way on the dark, empty back roads.

“It was nice seeing Callaghan again. Actually it was nice seeing everyone again. I had a great day, and from the looks of it, so did Emma. How about you, Joel?”

Joel knew enough about Polly to recognize when she was fishing for information. They hadn’t talked much about his life with Sarah, although he was sure she understood more about it than he’d like her to. He didn’t think she knew that he and Callaghan—or Callie... He wasn’t sure if he could ever get used to calling her that—had ever dated. Sarah had never been a very forthcoming kind of person. Heck, for the five years they were married he doubted he knew much about her past. It was a revelation to him that she and Callie had spent so much time together during the summer, and even Callie hadn’t told him the details of those visits.

For one thing, he’d thought Sarah only visited for a couple weeks during the summers, but from what Callie had just said, it sounded as if Sarah had spent entire summers with her aunt.

He knew Sarah had grown up as the proverbial latchkey kid. Her mom was always too busy working or out on a date to give her child much attention. She’d had more boyfriends than Sarah could name. None of them were Sarah’s dad.

Unfortunately for Sarah, her dad had never been in the picture.

“It wasn’t what I’d expected, that’s for sure.”

“And what was that?”

Joel didn’t know how candid he should be with Polly. “For one thing, I didn’t expect to see Callaghan in the parade. By the way, she likes to be called Callie now.”

“Callie it is. I sensed there was something more between you and Callie than just a friendship, if there ever was a friendship. She seemed a little guarded, but that could just be because she was reacting to the news about Sarah. Funny, but I thought everyone would have known by now. That was well over six months ago.”

“Apparently the town must be isolated from that kind of news. Plus, don’t forget you and Sarah haven’t been a part of this town for several years.”

“Still, Callie appeared distant, as if she was holding something back...which didn’t seem to be the case when she was talking to you. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but she didn’t look too happy.”

Joel didn’t know if now was the time to tell her about their sordid past, but he was trying to be a more honest man, so this seemed like as good a time as any.

“Polly, there’s something you should know about Callie and me.”

“What’s that?” She turned to look at him, and when he glanced her way he couldn’t tell if what he was about to say would hurt her or put a strain on their relationship. He didn’t want to do either one, but she deserved the truth, at least as much as she needed to know.

He relaxed his tense shoulders. “Callie and I were dating before Sarah and I got together.”

Polly didn’t respond for what seemed like forever. His stomach lurched as he waited for her response. He tried to concentrate on his driving along the unfamiliar route, hoping Polly would say something to break the horrible silence.

“Did you love Callie?”

He’d had a passion for Callie, a passion that almost consumed him. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her, and felt his absolute best when he was in her arms. She made him feel as though he could do anything, conquer anything and be anything he put his mind to.

But had he loved her?

He couldn’t have, or when Callie told him what she saw for their future, he wouldn’t have run to Sarah. All he’d wanted was some sound advice from Callie’s best friend. He never expected it to go any further than that, and when it did, he just let it happen.

Joel hadn’t been capable of loving anyone back then, and even now, love still seemed elusive. Oh, sure, he loved Emma, probably more in the last six months than ever before in her life, but true romantic love, the kind that Polly still felt for her late husband, Daniel... He didn’t know if he could ever feel that sort of deep, powerful love for anyone.

“I couldn’t love anybody back then, not even myself.”

“But you dated her.”

“Yes, for almost two years.”

“Did you love Sarah?”

The road before him seemed endless, as if it could go on into infinity. As if he knew he couldn’t get out of the car until he told Polly the truth.

“She was the mother of my child.”

He kept his eyes on the road, a tight grip on the wheel, looking for his turnoff...hoping for his turnoff.

“You didn’t answer my question. And believe me, Joel, I won’t be offended by your answer as long as you tell me the truth. I don’t abide liars of any kind...at least not on the big stuff. Did you love Sarah?”

He took in a sharp snap of air. “I did not.”

“Ever?”

“No.”

“Did she love you?”

“If she did, she never showed it or told me.”

“Then why did you marry her?”

“She was pregnant with my child.”

“But why did you marry her?”

“I just couldn’t run away. Not from that. If she was going to have the baby, I would always be his or her dad.”

“Still, you could have walked. Paid child support and visited on holidays.”

He couldn’t do that, even back then he couldn’t abandon his unborn child and provide Sarah with a reason to consider giving up the baby. Not that he’d spend a lot of time thinking about it; he’d merely reacted to the situation in the only way he knew how. But now that he was forced to rehash it with Polly, he realized it was the one moment in his life that he was proud of.

“It was the right thing to do,” he said, knowing perfectly well he’d never been all-in either as a husband or a father. Sure, he married Sarah but he never took up the responsibility reins...until now.

Polly turned back to face the road and he caught her glistening eyes that gave away her true feelings. He could only hope she didn’t hate him.

“That’s our turnoff up ahead,” she said, her voice steady and strong. “It’s easy to miss at night, but look for the dogwood tree that Daniel planted when we were first married and you’ll always find your way back home.”

“Thanks,” he told her, knowing full well he was thanking her not for the directions but for accepting his answer.

Chapter Three

The next morning, Joel went right to work on his extensive to-do list.

First order of business was to pick up materials at the local building supply store in town. Polly had given him a list of repairs that needed to be done, in the order of their urgency. Her ranch of seventy-five acres of mostly brush with a view of the Rocky Mountains contained two good-sized pastures where a fork of the Snake River meandered through. Fortunately, the pastures had been perfectly maintained by Wade Porter, who still leased the land, so Polly didn’t have to add any kind of upkeep to her long list. Joel had to admit that Wade sure knew his way around ranching, a skill Joel hoped to emulate in the next few months.

The ranch also had one main pipe corral that was divided into several smaller areas, two outbuildings, one stable that could house ten horses, the main ranch house, one oversize barn located about fifty feet from the main house, and miles of fencing that required considerable fixing.

The buildings needed everything from a new coat of paint to replacing the electric wiring. Joel thought he could handle everything physical, but anything electric would have to be hired out. He had no intention of electrocuting himself while trying to replace a blown fuse. He knew his limits...at least he’d convinced himself that he did.

Now that summer was winding down, the main ranch house took the highest priority on the list, especially the roof. Several of the tiles had either blown off or were too decayed to save. Polly was sure the house wouldn’t make it through another rainstorm without leaking, so Joel had taken it upon himself to climb up there and assess the damage. Not that he knew what he was looking for, but he assured himself that he would learn.

Polly had tried to hire a professional team to fix the roof or at the very least, Wade Porter, the resident jack-of-all-trades. Along with maintaining the pastures, he had kept the buildings from falling into complete ruin. Unfortunately, any major work had been put off into the distant future when Polly could make more money.

She never did.

Now the distant future had arrived and Joel had taken up the challenge.

Even though he’d added his nest egg to the pot, money was still tight until they could get more horses to board and buy a few head of cattle to raise. In the meantime, Joel decided to tackle as many projects as he could on his own. He’d spent the last three evenings watching home repair videos on YouTube, taking notes and practicing his nail-pounding skills on a board out in the barn. He was certain he had this roof repair project under control. He’d already fixed the clogged sinks in each of the bathrooms, rehung a couple doors and replaced a few loose floorboards in the living room...all with the help of online videos. He felt certain that fixing the roof would be just as easy.

Besides, physical work would keep his mind off of Callie Grant. After being that close to her the previous night and allowing some of his old feelings for her to bubble to the surface he’d been temporarily thrown off course.

Not anymore. He’d awoken with new resolve. Physical labor would keep his emotions in check and his mind occupied with something other than the softness of Callie’s lips or the smell of her hair.

If he was going to make it in this town, Callie Grant had to once again fade from his consciousness and be relegated to his past...exactly where she belonged.

He only hoped he’d be able to avoid her during his many errands into town, which is why he’d left the ranch early, in order to gather up all his supplies and be back on the road within the first half hour after the store opened.

Twenty minutes after leaving the ranch, Joel drove up Main Street like he had several times before, only this time he knew the location of most of the shops. Holy Rollers bakery sat on the corner, next to Galaxy Theater, a recently restored movie theater, according to Polly, that now served up wine, coffee, tea and gourmet popcorn. He’d become very familiar with Geppetto’s Toy Shop, a staple of Emma’s must-visits whenever she drove into town with either Polly or Joel. Deli Lama’s, Spud Bank and Moo’s Creamery all inhabited the opposite side of the street along with Hess’s Department Store, where he’d bought his first pair of cowboy boots.

The town’s favorite watering hole seemed to be Belly Up, a tavern Joel had yet to visit, but was anticipating the moment. Perhaps after he finished the roof he’d drive into town and celebrate. That is if he could somehow be assured that Callaghan Grant wouldn’t be inside.

Joel parked his SUV behind From the Ground Up Building Supply Company, turned off the ignition and made his way inside the now-familiar store, which seemed to stock everything a person could possibly need to repair or build almost anything. The store occupied two stories of a well-used, organized space on the edge of town.

The strong scent of sawdust and paint permeated the air as Joel made his way inside. The floors were well-worn, scuffed, wide wooden planks, and most of the counters and the checkout area still retained the original wooden designs. Natural light poured in from the countless windows in the building. One of the two cash registers hailed from sometime in the early 1900s, while the other more modern register was tucked away behind a large basket of local russet potatoes. The modern credit card scanners had been placed inside wooden crates that had seen better days.

Joel walked through the roofing section of the store, occasionally stopping to sort through the various tiles to find the replacements he needed.

“Polly’s roof was probably originally put up in the seventies, if you’re looking to match it,” a now-familiar voice said coming from somewhere behind him. His instincts told him to ignore Callie Grant and walk right out of the store, but he knew he couldn’t leave without his supplies. Besides, he didn’t want to be downright rude. He reluctantly turned to face her as she continued to talk tiles. “They keep some older tiles out back for the locals, but your chance of finding the exact match is pretty slim. Did you look out in Polly’s barn? Chances are there’s some extras stored out there along with extra flooring, paint that was used on the walls and whatever else you might need to repair and replace what’s broken. I bet there’s even a few matching cabinet doors and some old fence pipe out there, as well.”

“Thanks for the tip,” Joel told Callie, trying his best not to seem pleased to see her again. She looked different without her tiara, especially now that her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She wore a peach-colored sundress that made her dark skin glow, and she smelled like apples, or maybe that was just his overactive imagination.

“I’m surprised Polly hadn’t mentioned it.”

“She did, but the barn is in such bad shape that I didn’t think anything could survive out there.”

“You’d be surprised. You might want to take a look before you spend good money on something you already have.” She took a step back. “Funny, but I never pictured you as a handyman type of guy.”

“And I never saw you as a beauty queen. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged. “The subject never came up.”

“How would I have ever known to ask?”

“That’s just it. You and your friends were from Boise, the big city, while I was from small-town Briggs. I wanted to fit in.”