The Trouble With Cowgirls

“I had no idea you even had a child until yesterday.” A part of him wasn’t sure he was ready to hear about the child she’d had with some other man; another part wanted to know everything about her life since he’d last seen her. “What happened?”

Lucy’s eyes shone with wetness. “The majority of my pregnancy was spent bedridden. When I went into labor, they didn’t think either one of us would survive. I refused to give up on her. Watching your child lie there helpless inside an incubator, connected to tubes and wires while a machine breathes for her, is beyond words. I knew every beep, every hum from the equipment in the room. Carina’s a fighter.” She met his eyes once again. “I’m sorry if the news of my marriage hurt you. It wasn’t all wine and roses, but it wasn’t terrible, either. Antonio loved Carina. He...”

Lane straightened his spine, still trying to wrap his head around what she had told him and what she had purposely left out. “He what? What happened to Antonio?”

Lucy sighed. “Antonio died of a brain aneurysm four months ago.”

Lane had wondered if Carina’s father was still involved in her life. Death had been the furthest possibility from his mind. He understood the anguish her daughter probably felt, having lost his own father as a child. “That must’ve been incredibly difficult for you both.”

“We’d been divorced for almost a year when it happened, but we had remained very close. Antonio was my best friend. But there were things I didn’t know. Like how much debt he had. We lived well—too well. After he died, I discovered some of his business affairs were not—how do I say it in English?—legitimate. All of his assets were seized and we were left with nothing. We didn’t even have my family’s support after he died. If you thought they were strict when I was growing up, that was nothing compared to what happened after Antonio and I divorced. They disowned us. Try explaining that to a kid.” Lucy’s nervous laughter reminded him of the summer they’d met, when she’d opened up about her parents’ harsh criticism. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and comfort her as he’d once done. “My divorce and his business improprieties disgraced the Travisonno family name. No one else will communicate with us except Nicolino and Ella. And that’s why we’re here. I never meant to create problems for you.”

Lucy’s declaration made him feel guilty for being angry at her at first. He didn’t want to be mad and he definitely didn’t want to hate her. He wished they could go back and do things over, but that was wishful thinking and Lane didn’t have a wishful bone in his body.

“At least I’m not the only one Nicolino kept in the dark.” Lane attempted a laugh but his heart wasn’t in it after everything Lucy had told him. “I’m willing to put the past behind us, not that it’s going to be easy. I’ll try my best, though. What do you say we start over?” Lane extended his hand as a peace offering.

Lucy nodded. Her face brightened again, sending a twinge of anticipation through his chest. The instant they touched, their fingers entwined, and not in your typical handshake. So much for starting over. The feel of her skin against his was better than in his memories. The heat from her palm seared into his. He knew she felt it, too, when she tightened her grip. He wanted to pull her into his arms, to kiss her the way he used to, but he couldn’t. Lane closed his eyes. He couldn’t do this with her—not now, not ever again.

“I’m sorry.” Releasing her, he flung open the door and strode into the safety of the corridor. “There’s always someone here, 24/7, and as barn manager, you are on call, too. Which reminds me, I need your phone number.”

“I don’t have one yet.” She spoke so quietly he barely heard her.

“We can rectify that right now. Follow me and we’ll get you set up with a company phone. Then that will be it for the day.”

Lane led the way up the stairs to the administrative offices, praying the torrent of emotions running through him wouldn’t get the best of him. He needed to remain professional and carefully plan his next move. He was torn between proving his worth to Nicolino and looking for another position. Lucy’s earlier questions and wide-eyed gaze at some of his answers reconfirmed she was unqualified for the practical aspects of the job.

Lucy clearly needed the money more than he did, but Lane was doubtful she’d be able to handle the workload. Book smarts weren’t everything. If he left and she failed, the position he’d worked so hard for would go to someone else. If he stayed around, then he’d have a chance at righting a wrong. But his attraction to Lucy was already proving too great for him to maintain a working relationship without losing his heart in the process. He wasn’t ready to walk away from either one...at least not yet.

Chapter Three

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?” Lucy asked.

Carina rolled her eyes. “Mamma, the other kids are already going to talk about me. Let me walk into school on my own. I’m a big girl. I’ll handle it.”

That had become Carina’s motto lately. A soon-to-be nine-year-old shouldn’t have to handle things. She should be outside playing and spending time with friends. Not starting over in a new country because her parents had failed to provide for her on their own. At least it was Friday and they’d both have the weekend to allow the past few days to sink in.

“Okay I’ll drop you off at Ella and Nicolino’s and you can walk to the bus with your cousins.” Lucy didn’t know which of them was more nervous about Carina’s first day of school. “I’m not letting you walk from here. The ranch is too big and you don’t know your way around.”

Carina shrugged and waited for her by the front door. Why was she finding it so difficult to send her child off to school? She should have been excited for all the new adventures she was about to have. Since the day Carina was born, Lucy had hated relinquishing her daughter’s care to somebody else. She knew all the facts and read all the books about change being necessary for a child’s growth and development. It didn’t make things any easier, though. Once you see your child fight to live, you never want to let them go.

“Try to have fun today and call if you need me. I put my new number in your backpack and I’ll pick you up a cell phone by the end of the day. Ti amo, mia gattina.”

“I love you, too, Mamma,” she replied, surprisingly in English.

Lucy dropped Carina off with her cousins and continued down the ranch road to work. It felt good to have a job and be able to earn her own money. Antonio had always given her a generous allowance, but she’d never felt as if anything had truly been hers.

Lucy wondered how long it would take before she stopped thinking about Antonio every five minutes. She laughed inwardly. She remembered asking herself the same question about Lane years ago. The problem was he had never been far from her mind. She didn’t think a day had gone by that she hadn’t thought of him and wondered what he was doing. She’d envisioned him married and still living in Wyoming. Clearly she’d been wrong about Wyoming, but what about the married part? She’d been so wrapped up in her own world that she hadn’t thought to ask him about his family or his life over the past ten years.

“I can do this. I need to do this.” The mantra had given her strength on the darkest of days, reminding Lucy that she had the power to rebuild their lives. She braced for another day with Lane as she stepped out of the car. It had pained her to lie to him yesterday. But he didn’t need to know about her first pregnancy. Nothing would change the fact that she’d lost their baby. Partying in Texas combined with the inordinate amount of stress she’d been under from her family and the whirlwind marriage to Antonio had proved too much for their baby.

She’d been devastated by her miscarriage. After she’d heard her baby’s heartbeat for the first time, she couldn’t imagine loving anyone more. She had wanted that back. Antonio had remained by her side and cared for her through the entire ordeal, promising her another child when she was ready. Six months later, she was pregnant again. Carina was the greatest gift Antonio had ever given her.

Lucy took a deep breath and entered the stables. After meeting briefly with the night barn manager, she attempted to track down her employees. It was a daunting task since she didn’t know where anyone was. She hadn’t seen Lane or Nicolino and wasn’t sure where she was supposed to begin the day.

Waiting inside her office, Lucy tried to familiarize herself with the numerous charts, log sheets and binders that filled every inch of space in the room. Morning meetings would be the first thing she implemented into their daily routine. It baffled her how they’d ever survived without them. It was basic employee management.

If Lucy had checked her phone once, she’d checked it a hundred times by ten o’clock. No call from her daughter was a good sign. She knew none of the changes over the past year, especially the move, had been easy for Carina. For her own sanity, Lucy phoned the school. She began to relax when they reassured her that Carina was fine and in class. As she hung up, she noticed Lane standing in the doorway of their office, concern etched upon his face.

“Is everything all right?”

“Yes.” Lucy smiled so big she thought her lips might split. “My daughter is in class and she’s doing wonderfully. Thank you for asking. Do you have any children?” Lucy wanted to ask him if he’d ever married but feared it would be too forward. She held her breath waiting for him to answer, praying he’d say no. If he’d never had kids, then her reasons for keeping her secret all these years might prove valid—perhaps he’d never been ready.

Lane’s eyes grew large at the question. “Ah...no.” He laughed. “No kids, no wife. Just a few surly bunkmates. I live on the ranch, too. Bunkhouse A.”

The elation that grew at Lane’s response confused her. She wouldn’t let herself care one way or the other about that little fact. Lane was her employee. “How is your mom?”

“Still here, God bless her.” Lane removed his hat. “She’s a little older, but aren’t we all?”

Why did he do that? The sight of his thick dark hair made her fingers itch with the desire to run through it. “Glad to hear it.” Lucy refocused on her notebook. “Listen, I’d like to organize a daily meeting with everyone beginning tomorrow. Something brief so we can run down what’s planned for the day. The earlier, the better.”

“Um...okay. That might cut into some people’s schedules, though. Everyone arrives at different times. Plus, the schedules rotate weekly.” Lane pulled a binder from the bookcase and opened it on the desk. Lucy fought to ignore the way his arm brushed hers as he pointed to the first page. “We briefly touched on this yesterday. The current one is always on top. It’s just a printout from our stable-management software. Curly found using a printout faster than logging on to the computer every time he needed to see who was working where.” Lane rapidly turned the pages, creating a slight vibration against her skin. “If you look through the previous months, you’ll notice a pattern in the rotation.”

Lucy tried to make sense of the pages Lane flipped through, but his closeness made it difficult to concentrate. She flattened her palms on top of the binder, causing him to retreat. Thank you. “I’m capable of reading a schedule. How am I supposed to know what’s going on around here without a daily meeting?”

Lane propped an elbow on the filing cabinet and rubbed the side of his jaw. “Lucy, this is a quarter-of-a-million-acre ranch. We have employees coming in at daybreak who have very specific feeding times to adhere to. You can’t ask them to stop what they’re doing to attend a meeting. It’ll set off a chain reaction that will affect the meds, turnout and muck schedules. This is a huge operation and we’ve painstakingly planned it to maintain balance. I understand your reasoning, but not everyone works in or near the stables. You have employees out in the pastures, too. Everyone has a two-way radio.” Lane crossed the tiny office in three strides. He unplugged one of the radios and handed it to her. “You can get in touch with the people who aren’t in your immediate vicinity on here. Try not to tie up the frequency band with long conversations, though. Call them on the phone or take a utility vehicle out to wherever they are instead. If you want to see who’s clocked in or out, you can pull it up on the computer.”

Lucy ground her teeth together. She pulled her hair back at her nape and loosely knotted it while she attempted to formulate a response. This was exactly what she’d meant when she’d told Nicolino she didn’t have the practical experience for the job. Someone who’d apprenticed for years under a barn manager would know these things.

A sting of heat rose to her cheeks. “I will take your suggestions under advisement. Thank you.” She wished he’d leave so she could review the schedules without him watching her every move.

Lane lowered himself onto the chair next to her and set his hat upside down on the corner of the desk. “I’m going to offer you a little unsolicited advice. Instead of focusing on what you feel needs to change, concentrate on what you don’t know.”

“Such as?” Lucy wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer, but she was certain being alone with him in the small room was making it increasingly difficult to breathe.

“When was the last time you rode with a Western saddle? Better yet, when was the last time you saddled a Western horse?”

Lucy tapped a pen against her notebook. “The last time I was here.”

“Then that’s where you need to begin. There will be days when you’ll need to saddle a horse and get out there with the rest of us. I’ll pair you up with one of the grooms and they’ll walk you through the entire process of saddling a cutting horse and get you accustomed to riding Western again. You should shadow some of the trainers and ride a few of the cutting horses. You need to understand what we do and how we do it in order to run this facility.”

These were all things she’d thought about last night. She just hadn’t wanted to hear them from the man she knew still wanted her job. “Thanks, but these things are already on my list.”

“Okay, then.” Lane rose, grabbed his hat and strode to the office door. “I’ll leave you to it, boss.”

Boss? Great—attitude. She hadn’t expected anything less, and if she were honest with herself, he gave as good as she did.

After fumbling her way through the majority of the day, Lucy ran into town to pick up a phone for Carina. She couldn’t wait to get home to hear how her day had gone.

Shortly after Lucy arrived at the cottage, Ella stopped by to drop off Carina. When Lucy opened the front door, Carina made a beeline inside without a word. Lucy thanked Ella for bringing her daughter home, then said goodbye and closed the door, trailing after Carina. She yelped, practically tripping over a backpack on the floor. Usually her daughter wasn’t so careless. Seeing Carina’s bedroom door closed, she knocked—no answer. She tried the knob—locked. Typical Carina. Lock the door, pop in the earbuds and crank up the iPod. It used to infuriate Antonio. Luckily, their cottage was on one level. Lucy walked around the side of the house and found Carina’s bedroom window open. She climbed inside, scaring her daughter half to death.

“That’ll teach you.” Lucy grinned and gently tugged on Carina’s earbuds.

“What do you want?” Carina snarled in Italian.

What happened to the sweet little girl with the cheery disposition I raised? “How was school?”

“I hate it.” Carina pouted.

“Did you give it a chance?” Lucy sat on the edge of the twin-size bed. Her daughter had had a king-size one in their villa.

“Yes,” Carina huffed. “They talk fast and I don’t know what my homework is.”

“Did you ask your teacher to write it down for you?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t want to look stupid.”

“I’ll call the school on Monday and ask the teacher to write out your assignments.” Lucy stopped Carina from putting her earbuds back in. “You can’t give up. It’s not easy for me, either.”

“Fine.”

Lucy stood, knowing she was about to be tuned out once again. “What would you like for dinner?”

“Nothing.”

One-word answers. Lovely. “Okay, I’ll leave you alone, but keep the door unlocked or I’ll take it off the hinges. Oh, before I forget.” Lucy fished the new cell phone from her pocket and handed it to Carina. “For you.”

“Great, now I have a phone and no one to call.”

Lucy threw her hands in the air and left the room. Skipping dinner, she sank into one of the white rocking chairs on the front porch. A refreshing breeze ruffled the collar of her Bridle Dance polo shirt. A lush green palette of the Texas Hill Country danced before her as the sun began to cast evening shadows against the house. The view was still gorgeous. She had seen her first American sunset with Lane. They’d been barely fourteen that first summer. He had placed his hat on her head, kissed her cheek and called her his Italian cowgirl. What she wouldn’t give to relive that moment again. There used to be so much hope in the unknown, before life became scary and real. She missed those days... More important, she missed those days with Lane.

* * *

LANE POPPED THE top off a longneck and sat on the wooden front steps of the bunkhouse. The setting sun reminded him of Lucy. It always had.

“Do you want a burger?” Rusty asked from behind the grill.

He eased his body up, grabbed a plate and heaped a spoonful of the older man’s famous mac and cheese onto it. He fixed his burger and joined the rest of his bunkmates at the picnic table.

“How’s the boss lady working out?” one of them asked. “Didn’t you used to date her? It’s gotta suck working for your ex-girlfriend.”

Lane groaned, opting to take a bite of his burger instead of answering.

“Hey, kid,” Rusty began. “Far be it from me to stick my nose in your business, but are you sure that kid ain’t yours?”

Lane shot him a death glare. “You’re right. It’s none of your business, but I’ll set the record straight before that rumor spreads and Carina or one of her cousins catches wind of it. Lucy and I have already had that conversation. She isn’t mine. She’s not even the right age.”

While it hurt to know Lucy had gone home to Italy and had another man’s child while he’d been planning a future with her, a part of him had been equally relieved Carina wasn’t his daughter. He hadn’t been ready for kids back then. He wasn’t sure if he was ready now, but he’d given the idea more thought lately. Despite Nicolino’s never giving him enough credit, he envied the man’s relationship with Ella. Their lives were crazy and loud with five kids, but even as disorganized and frazzled as they sometimes were, they were happy.

“I think you should ask her out,” Rusty said between bites. “You’re far from strangers, and Lord knows, you’ve been pining over her ever since she left.”

“Since when did you become a matchmaker?” a ranch hand asked.

“I’ve done more livin’ than all of you combined. That entitles me to give advice.”

Lane laughed. “You noticed he said advice, not good advice.”

“Where’s the kid’s father?”

“He died four months ago, and the kid’s name is Carina.” Lucy had bombarded him with questions all day. He didn’t want to answer more, especially any that pertained to her. “Do me a favor and let it drop.”

They finished their meal talking about trucks and the new female bull-riding instructor at the rodeo school adjacent to the stables. It was nice seeing other men make fools of themselves over women so it wasn’t just him.

“The way I see it, you and Lucy are doing the Texas two-step.” A collective round of groans accompanied an onslaught of wadded-up napkins aimed at Rusty.

“You might as well hear him out and then maybe he’ll shut up,” a ranch hand said.

Lane set his beer on the table and faced Rusty. “Okay, this is your one shot. Lay it on me.”

“All I’m sayin’ is, you best be damn sure you don’t want a second chance with her, because she’s an attractive woman and this place is filled with cowboys who’d ride through fire for a chance to whirl her around the dance floor.”

He hadn’t thought of that. He looked around the table at his bunkmates. “I swear, if any of you ask her out, I’ll—”

“Relax.” Rusty smacked Lane on the shoulder. “She couldn’t handle a man like me.”

Everyone laughed. Lane didn’t think he had to worry about a 75-year-old ranch hand going after Lucy. Rusty had a point, though. Lane had no claim to Lucy and she was free to date whomever she wanted. So why did the thought of it gnaw at the pit of his stomach?

Lane checked his pockets for his keys and wallet and excused himself from the table. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

He started his truck with no real direction in mind but somehow found himself pulling in front of Lucy’s cottage fifteen minutes later. He hadn’t noticed her watching him from the porch while he gathered up his nerve to talk to her. Wonderful. Now he had some explaining to do.

He climbed out of his truck and silently joined her on the front porch, watching the sun make its final descent beyond the horizon.

“I was just sitting here thinking about you.” Her admission offered him a little more confidence.

“What a coincidence,” Lane said. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

Lucy faced him, her head still resting against the rocking chair. “I was remembering the first sunset I saw in this country.”

“That was with me, wasn’t it?”

Lucy nodded, a slow, easy smile forming as she closed her eyes. “My first night in Texas. I was in Ramblewood Park eating ice cream and you sat beside me on the bleachers.”

“I can still remember how nervous I was to talk to you.” He watched her smile broaden as her eyes opened lazily. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her—slowly, as though they had all the time in the world to experience each other all over again.

“You and I had a good thing once.” She turned back to the horizon. As soon as she’d broken eye contact, he ached for it again.

It was every man’s fantasy to hear his first love admit she still thought of him, but Lane wasn’t prepared for the pain of actually hearing the words. “We were kids. Neither one of us knew what we were doing or where we were going. I won’t deny what I felt for you was real, because it was, but as much as I’d love to go back in time, we’re not those people anymore.”

“I’d like to think we’re better,” she said.

“I’ll give you that.” He reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The instant he touched her, Lane knew he shouldn’t have come. He needed to get in his truck and leave her and the past alone before his heart paid the price again.

“And stronger,” Lucy said as she withdrew from him, resting her hands on her lap.

“Don’t forget wiser. Although that might be debatable on my part right about now.” Lane laughed at the irony of his own words. He attempted to will himself off the porch and back to the bunkhouse without success. This was a mistake.

“What am I doing wrong?” Lucy asked while gazing out into the fields before them.

Lane wondered if it was a rhetorical question or if he should answer. “In regards to what?”

“Everything. My daughter misses her father and hates me because I moved us to America. My new job’s a bit overwhelming and I have feelings for you that I’ve never been able to get rid of.”

Lane blew out a breath. “I see you haven’t lost your brutal honesty. Do you really want me to answer your question?”

“Go for it.” Lucy’s eyes connected with his and for a moment, he envisioned kissing her.

Lane turned his rocking chair toward her. “For starters, I think all kids hate their parents.” He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, allowing its silkiness to slide through his fingers before retreating. “You could move her to the other side of the world or make the wrong thing for breakfast and probably get the same reaction. We did it. Our parents did it. It’s human nature. Carina’s had a lot more to deal with than most kids her age. Please don’t get mad at me for asking, but have you considered a child psychologist to give her someone neutral to talk to?”