Australia: Handsome Heroes: His Secret Love-Child

‘You took it away from me.’

Her eyes flashed at that. ‘You didn’t want it,’ she said, steadily now, as if she was on ground she was sure of. ‘When I found out that I was pregnant I was appalled. I knew you didn’t want a child. I knew you didn’t want a family. Am I right, Cal?’

Was she right?

He stared at her and he couldn’t answer.

Of course he didn’t want kids. He never had. Damn, with his family, how could he? Kids were a disaster. Commitment was a disaster.

‘Maybe,’ he said—grudgingly—and she winced and hauled herself to her feet.

‘There you go, then. So I kept my son where at least someone wanted him. Paul was his daddy, and Paul loved him more than life itself.’

‘And you,’ he said softly. ‘Did you love Paul?’

‘Don’t be stupid, Cal,’ she said heavily. ‘To ask a question like that…Don’t be so daft.’

He stared at her, wondering where to go from here. Where…

‘Here are the cookies! I have cookies.’ There was a triumphant stage whisper from behind them. The glider was flying cautiously back through the screen door, bearing two glasses of water and four choc-chip cookies, all balanced precariously on a plastic tray.

‘Bruce is in the kitchen,’ CJ told them in satisfaction, handing over his burden with care. ‘He says he’s really pleased to see us and can he take us out to dinner?’

‘Bruce?’ He was almost grateful for the interruption, Cal decided. For something else to focus on. Emotions were threatening to overwhelm him.

‘It’ll be Bruce Hammond,’ Gina told him. ‘We met Bruce while we were staying here. He took us on a crocodile hunt but we didn’t find any.’

‘We did,’ CJ retorted. ‘It was only the grown-ups who said it was a log.’

‘You were staying here?’ Cal asked, dazed. How could they have been staying here? This wasn’t making sense.

‘We’ve been staying at the Athina Hotel for the last three days,’ she told him. ‘Just near here. When Paul died, I thought…well, I thought that maybe you had the right to know about CJ. So we came to see you. But on the night we arrived you were out here on the veranda with—Emily, isn’t it? I thought…’ Her voice trailed off. ‘It just seemed like such an imposition after all these years.’

‘It is an imposition,’ he muttered, and his voice was almost savage.

She nodded, as if she’d expected nothing less. ‘So I decided to go again.’

‘Without seeing me?’

‘You didn’t want this, Cal,’ she told him, lifting her chin again and meeting his look full on. ‘I always knew what you thought of family. Anyway, Bruce was nice to us. He wanted us to go out with him again and try to find more crocodiles, but I said we were leaving town. I guess he’s heard we’re back.’ She took a deep breath, moving on, and glanced at her watch. ‘I guess we could go out for a quick dinner with Bruce.’

‘There’s dinner here,’ Cal growled. ‘And you might be needed for the baby.’

‘I won’t go far,’ she said, steadily, as if she was fighting to keep control on her temper. ‘I imagine there’s a cellphone I can borrow.’

‘Bruce says he knows where crocodiles really love to be,’ CJ told her, and she managed a smile.

‘No crocodiles tonight, CJ. I think we’ve had enough adventure. But Bruce will tell you about them.’ She turned again to Cal. ‘Cal, I’m sorry to land this on you. I never meant to. I never wanted…But, anyway, now you know. I won’t be an imposition. I won’t make any demands. We’ll stay until the baby doesn’t need us any more. We certainly won’t interfere with what’s between you and Emily, and then we’ll go.’

She hesitated, and then, as if determined to do something that she wasn’t sure would be welcomed, she suddenly leaned forward. She kissed him lightly, a feather kiss, fleetingly on the lips, and then she backed off. Fast.

‘I’ve owed you that for a long time,’ she whispered. ‘Regardless of what’s been between us in the past. This is what I need to say. Thank you for my son, Cal. CJ’s been the only thing that’s stood between me and madness for the past few years. For both Paul and me. I love CJ so much and Paul did, too. I hope you’ve found that loving with Emily. Believe me, I’m not here to interfere. If you’ve found your true home…I won’t put that in jeopardy for anything.’

And before he could reply—before he could even think about replying—she’d risen and taken CJ’s hand, and turned and walked inside.

Leaving him staring after her. With two glasses of water and four truly excellent choc-chip cookies.

By the time Cal left the veranda it was all over the hospital. Cal had a son. Cal’s son and Cal’s ex-girlfriend had gone out to dinner with the local crocodile hunter. Everyone wanted to know more.

Cal tried for a little privacy at dinner by glowering at everyone who asked questions—but that created even more questions.

At least Gina wasn’t there. She’d spent time with Emily, stabilising the baby. Then she and CJ had disappeared with Bruce, and watching them go had made Cal glower even more. Em had found her a cellphone. Bruce promised to have her back here in minutes if was needed.

But he still glowered. His friends prodded and laughed and then finally they backed off, realising that information wasn’t going to be forthcoming. But he knew the questions were still there.

He had unanswered questions himself.

After dinner he headed back to the veranda, looking for some peace. He had medico-legal paperwork to do but it held no attraction. It was eight o’clock and then eight-thirty. They should be back, he thought, and tried not to look up every time a car approached.

Finally he gave up car-watching and headed next door to the hospital. Surely there was something that needed doing. Something that could distract him. Where was work when you needed it most? These last few days had been crazy.

Now there was nothing. Even the baby didn’t need him. They’d decided to keep a doctor within arm’s reach and Em was taking first shift.

But still he visited the nursery. This little one was so small. Things could go either way here, Cal thought, jolted out of his preoccupation with the personal by the sight of their tiny patient. The baby was hooked to tubes everywhere. He was the fragile centre of a huge spiderweb of technology and all of it might not be enough to save him.

They’d discussed again the idea of sending for the neonatal evacuation team to take him to a specialist facility, but Em wasn’t happy with the idea. Gina had concurred and the paediatrician in Brisbane had agreed. There was nothing a specialist facility could do that wasn’t being done here, and the flight itself would be a risk.

As Cal entered the nursery Em looked up from checking the oxygen level and managed a faint smile.

‘Hi.’

‘Hi, yourself. How’s he doing?’

‘Holding on. It’s all we can hope for. We’re calling him Lucky, because he’s lucky to be alive.’ She hesitated. ‘And maybe because he needs still more luck.’

Cal grimaced. He reached in to touch the soft skin of the baby’s tiny face and felt his gut twist in sympathy for this fragile little life.

‘You live, Lucky,’ he told him gruffly.

He had to.

‘Is there any news of the mother?’ Em asked.

‘There’s a search party scouring the bushland around the rodeo grounds, but there’s nothing. The current thinking is that whoever it was left with the crowd.’

She flicked a glance up at him. ‘And left her son.’

‘She probably thought he was dead. He was so flat…He may well have appeared dead to someone who had no med training. Someone who was distressed and desperately ill herself.’

She nodded bleakly and then turned her attention back to the baby. ‘He almost was dead,’she whispered. ‘He came so close. Oh, Lucky. If not for Gina. And now…Another little boy.’

‘Em…’ He knew where she was going. The way he said her name was a growl, meant to deflect her, but it didn’t work.

‘Did you know you had a child?’

‘No. Em, I—’

‘I can’t believe you have a son,’ she told him, and Cal hesitated. And then he shrugged. This was Emily. His friend. He knew from long experience it was no use to try and deflect her, so why not vent a little spleen? He surely had spleen to be vented.

‘If you can’t believe it, imagine how I feel!’ he demanded, but he didn’t get the reaction he wanted. He expected indignation on his behalf—that was what he wanted. Even sympathy. Instead, Emily had the temerity to smile.

‘Yep, I can see how it might leave you flabbergasted. A child out of left field. Does she want child support?’

‘No!’

‘Then why has she come?’

‘She just thought I had the right to know.’

‘After all these years? Why not sooner?’

‘She’s been married,’ Cal told her. ‘She was married when I knew her. She got pregnant and went back to her husband.’

‘Whew.’ Em whistled, then lifted the drug sheet beside the crib and studied it. Giving him a bit of personal space. ‘That’s heavy stuff,’she commented. ‘Did you know she was married?’

‘Yes, but I thought it was over.’

‘But it wasn’t.’

‘Apparently not.’

‘So what’s happened now to make things different? Marriage break up?’

‘Her husband’s dead.’

‘Dead?’

‘Quadriplegia. Complications.’

She winced. ‘Oh, Cal, that’s really tough.’

Tough? He didn’t want to think about tough, he thought bitterly. He didn’t want to think about what Gina must have gone through over the last few years.

He didn’t want to think about Gina.

‘Did she use you to get pregnant?’ Em asked, adjusting the drip stand so she could get a clearer view of the baby’s tiny face. ‘Because her husband was a quad?’

‘No!’ It was his turn to wince. OK, that was what he’d thought initially, but somehow…that someone else should think that of Gina was unbearable. ‘He was injured just after she discovered she was pregnant.’

‘Ouch.’ She flicked another glance up at him and then looked away. ‘So that’s why the loyalty. That’s why she went back to him.’

‘Em, could we leave this?’

She looked at him steadily then, her intelligent eyes turning thoughtful. ‘Maybe we can and maybe we can’t. So now her husband’s dead and she comes back—’

‘Em…’

‘It puts a different complexion on things,’ she said, unperturbed. ‘I always wondered how the guy would feel in such a situation. To be unexpectedly a full-fledged dad. And for Gina to front you now…It’d be so hard. But maybe she’s right.’ She cocked her head to one side, considering. ‘I wonder. Even if you’d done this via a sperm bank, maybe there’s a moral obligation to tell you that your sperm’s successful? That’s there’s a kid out there in your image?’

‘He wasn’t the result of any sperm bank. Em, we need to write up these notes.’

‘Yeah, Charles told me it was a really hot affair.’ Em grinned, refusing to be deflected. ‘Not a sperm bank at all. This is the one that gossip says broke your heart. Charles said she really cracked your armour and it’s the only time in your life it’s ever been cracked. Well, now.’

‘Em…’

‘Hey, but she’s here and you don’t have an excuse to be heartbroken any more.’ Em even looked cheerful. ‘You’ve been using the excuse that you loved and lost for five long years. You’ve been using it to keep the world and commitment at bay. Now you can take up where you left off. And she’s not married. You know, I’ll bet that was one of the things that attracted you to her in the first place. I can see letting yourself fall for a divorcée with as jaded a view of commitment as you have. But now…I wonder what you’ll decide to do now?’

‘What the—?’

‘She’s been an excuse, hasn’t she, Cal?’ Em said softly, boring right to the heart of the matter. There was something about this time, this place—the dim light of the nursery with only this one tiny baby between them—that made a conversation like this seem possible. Or less impossible. ‘All these years, you’ve been telling yourself that you haven’t got involved with anyone because Gina broke your heart. You’ve been letting us all think you still love Gina.’

‘I don’t,’ he snapped. But…Did he?

‘Then why haven’t you gone out with other women?’

‘I have. Look, can we leave this?’

‘Of course,’ she agreed. ‘But as for going out with other women…Sure you do, until they get the first idea that they might be able to expect some emotional return. Then you drop them like hot coals. And if you think the rest of the staff in the house will leave it, you’re very much mistaken. Are you taking over here at nine?’

‘Nine till twelve. Yes.’

‘There you go, then.’ She turned back to her little patient. ‘We’ll just have to keep you alive until then, won’t we, Lucky?’ Her face softened. ‘And then it’s Dr Cal’s turn to keep you alive. Or Dr Gina’s, or whoever else is on duty. But we will keep you alive.’

The intensity of her voice shocked him.

‘Of course we will,’ he told her, and she looked up and met his eyes. Her own eyes welled with tears.

‘There’s a mother out there who doesn’t have a son,’ she whispered. ‘It’s our job to keep our Lucky safe until we find her. But isn’t it strange that on this day, when we’ve found this unknown baby, you’ve found your own son?’ She smiled at him, a wavering smile that said as much about her own fragile emotional state as it did about her uncertainty over the little boy’s fate. ‘Go on, now, Cal. I have a job to do. And maybe you do, too. See if you can find CJ before you come back on duty. You have years of catching up to do.’

CHAPTER FOUR

THE house was still when Cal returned. Unusually still. Everyone must be out, he decided. Or busy.

Half their luck.

He grabbed a beer but then replaced it. With regret. He could really use a beer, but if he was to go back on duty at nine he had to leave it.

Why was the kitchen empty? And the lounge? Where was everyone? This house was always full of people. He needed people.

He needed people now.

The door swung wide and he turned, but it wasn’t the people he wanted. Or maybe it was.

‘Hi.’ It was Gina. And CJ. His son.

They’d been laughing, he thought. CJ was still smiling broadly and there was a trace of a smile fading from Gina’s face. Gina had showered and changed since he’d last seen her. Apparently her luggage was on the coach to Cairns, but someone had lent her jeans and a soft blue and white gingham blouse. She’d brushed her dark curls until they shone and she looked…she looked…

‘Did you have a good evening?’ he managed, but then he had to think for a minute to figure out what his words meant. Everything seemed disoriented.

Luckily CJ noticed nothing strange. He was more than prepared to chat. ‘Bruce took us to Athina’s for dinner ’cos he says Mrs Poulos makes the best food in town,’ he told him. ‘And tomorrow he says he’ll take us crocodile hunting again.’

‘I’m not sure whether we can go,’ Gina told him.

‘But we have to go. And he gave me this hat.’ This was obviously the highlight of the evening. The little boy was wearing a vast, battered Akubra Cal would have recognised from a mile away.

‘Bruce gave you his hat?’ Here was another astonishment. Cal knew Bruce well, and he knew the croc hunter lived in this hat.

But apparently no longer.

‘He says it’s time he got a new one,’ CJ said proudly, lifting it off his head to poke his finger through a hole, centrefront. ‘I asked him if this was from a bullet and he said it might have been.’

‘Bedtime, CJ.’Gina was steering CJ firmly toward the door.

CJ balked, planting his feet. Bracing himself.

‘Can Cal read me a story?’

‘Cal’s busy.’

‘He doesn’t look busy.’

‘CJ…’

‘I’ll read him a story.’

‘You—’

‘Have you told CJ anything about me?’ He was angry, he decided, sorting through the myriad emotions he was experiencing and choosing the one in the forefront. He hadn’t met this kid until now, and CJ—his son—was wearing another man’s hat.

‘I’ve told CJ that you’ve been a friend of mine for a long time.’ Gina’s voice was carefully neutral. ‘I guess…if you do want to read to him then it’s fine.’

‘I do want.’

‘Then I’ll help him brush his teeth and put on his pjs. Jill’s found us some gear to keep us going until I can retrieve my luggage. So…His bedroom in five minutes?’

‘Fine.’

Why had he done that? This was a crazy situation. He didn’t want to get involved.

He was involved.

CJ had beamed up at him from underneath Bruce’s hat and…

And he was involved right up to his neck.

It was Gina’s turn to sit alone on the veranda.

The big French windows leading to her son’s bedroom were wide open. She could hear everything that was going on inside. So she sat, staring out at the moonlit sea, listening to Cal’s deep voice reading her son a story.

This was CJ’s favourite book, carried everywhere in his backpack, and she must have read it to him a thousand times. Paul had read it to him even more.

Now his father was reading it to him.

She blinked. Hard.

No tears. No tears!

This is an unsentimental journey, she told herself fiercely, staring into the deepening darkness. Just come, introduce the two of them and get out of here.

So why did you tell him you’d loved him, she asked herself, sifting through the conversation she’d had with the man she was listening to.

She hadn’t meant to admit that. But telling him about CJ…there hadn’t seemed any way to explain her little son’s existence without acknowledging love. CJ had been conceived in love and she was proud of it. The fact that Cal would never acknowledge it—that he’d admitted that the pregnancy would have seemed a disaster to him—had the potential to hurt.

It hurt now.

‘The pirate’s little boat started creeping out of the harbour. Creep, creep, creep.’

It was too much. Cal reading to her son. Cal reading to his son.

This was dangerous territory. Maybe she should leave in the morning. Fast.

The baby wasn’t stable. She’d put her hand up as a cardiac expert. If she had to go in again, put more pressure on the valve…

He was too little for her to contemplate further surgery, she thought. Far, far too frail.

So what was she doing, staying here?

The baby needed her.

Right.

‘“Where’s my boat?” roared the pirate, and out to sea the little boat chuckled.’

Where’s my plane? Gina thought. Where’s my way home?

Where was home itself? She was no longer sure. She sat and tried to think about the beauty of the night, tried to think about something other than Cal—but how could she?

‘Gina?’ It was a yell from the far end of the path. She rose, welcoming the distraction—any distraction—and Charles was spinning down the garden path, his wheelchair moving at speed.

‘Is Cal there?’

‘He’s inside. I’ll get him.’

‘I need you both.’ Charles’s voice was clipped and urgent. ‘His damn phone’s ringing out. What the hell is he thinking of, turning it off? I need him. You, too, Gina. If you’ll help.’

Her heart stilled. ‘The baby?’

‘The baby’s OK.’

That was good news. That was great news. For a moment she’d stopped breathing. But Charles was still speaking with urgency. It seemed one drama had been overtaken by another.

‘Em will extend her watch and I’ll take over if needed,’ Charles was saying. ‘But there’s been a car crash.’

From through the open windows Cal had heard the medical director’s voice. The pirate story had reached its conclusion. Now he appeared behind her. ‘Where?’ he snapped.

‘Out past the O’Flattery place. The chopper’s out on a call already, but it’s only ten or so miles, so you can go by car. By the sound of it, kids have been drag racing. Two cars have hit head on. Deaths and multiple casualties. I’ve sent one car already. You’ll take the second road ambulance and I’ll send anyone else as they become available. Gina, it’s either you or Em who has to go, and Em’s concerned at Lucky’s intravenous drip packing up. She’s saying she has a better chance of re-establishing a line than you, and that’s the biggest risk at the moment. She’ll stay close and we’ll set up the Theatres in readiness for what’s coming. Right?’

‘Right,’ Gina said, dazed. ‘But CJ?’

Charles was there before her. He wasn’t the medical director of this place for nothing. Fast planning was what he did. ‘I’ve asked Mrs Grubb to come across and look after the littlie,’ he told her. ‘If that’s OK, then that leaves you free.’

‘Who else is available?’ Cal asked.

‘Mike and Christina have taken the chopper out to pull a suspected heart case off a prawn trawler,’ Charles snapped. ‘It’s probably a false alarm but we have to check. That’s where the chopper is. Hell, Cal, weren’t you listening at dinner?’

‘Maybe I wasn’t.’

But Charles wasn’t listening now. He was focussing on Gina.

‘I know we have no right to ask more of you than you’ve done for us already,’ he told her. ‘But we’re desperately understaffed and we need you. Can I ask you to help?’

There was only one answer to that. ‘Of course I’ll help.’ She was already moving toward CJ’s bedroom door. ‘I’ll explain what’s happening to CJ and come straight away.’

‘He won’t mind?’

‘He’s learned not to mind,’ she said, and if her voice was bleak, who could blame her?

The ride south was at a speed which would normally have made Gina’s hair curl all by itself.

Cal was driving. The first ambulance had left the moment the call had come through, the two available paramedics leaving Cal and Gina to follow. So now they followed. The siren screamed, Cal rode the corners like a racing driver and Gina gripped her seat and held on for dear life.

‘Um…I have a son,’ she said over the sound of the siren.

‘I’m taking no risks.’

He wasn’t. He was an excellent driver. He had to be. Training for remote medicine meant everyone had to be multiskilled, and the longer you stayed in the job the better you got. Cal was fantastic.

Just at the job, she told herself fiercely. Just at the job.

Charles’s voice crackled from the radio. ‘Cal? Gina?’ Cal nodded to the receiver.

‘Press the button to speak.’

She knew what to do. She’d worked with Remote Rescue before and she’d loved it. If she was to stay here there was so much she could do, she thought, and then gave herself a fast mental slap. She wasn’t staying here. Why would she?

‘Charles?’ Back to medicine.

‘The first ambulance has reached the crash site,’ Charles told her, and by the tone of his voice she knew the situation was appalling. ‘Two dead, seven injured, some still trapped in the wreck, and the injuries sound major. We’re calling in everyone we can, but essentially you’re the only two doctors available.’

‘OK.’ She glanced across at Cal and saw his face setting in lines of grim determination. They both knew what lay ahead.

‘One of the local farmers will stay with the bodies until we can get them brought in. We’ll send the chopper out as soon as we can but meanwhile use the ambulances for casualties. Let me know if I need an evacuation team from Brisbane.’

‘Will do.’Any patient with trauma requiring complex intervention—such as major burns—would need to go straight to a city hospital, Gina knew. ‘But you have great Theatre facilities.’

‘By the sound of the injuries they may not be enough. And Cal’s our only surgeon. You’ll help if needed?’

‘Of course.’

‘Good luck, then.’

‘Thanks, Charles,’ she said, and replaced the receiver with a sinking heart. She glanced across at Cal again but she didn’t say anything and neither did he.

He tried so hard not to care, she thought, but it didn’t work. His armour was eggshell thin.

They went round a corner and she thought about where she’d left her stomach for a bit. Then they straightened and she thought about Charles. She needed some sort of diversion. Anything.