Coming Home To Texas

Gran shook her head. “I can’t say I blame you. Seems a waste of good yarn, though. I say rip the shawl out, and enjoy doing it, but then save the yarn for something else.”

Rip it out. Undo it all. Disassemble the memory and the pain. Why not? Ellie looked up. “You know what? You’re right. It’s even in the back of my car.” She hadn’t even realized until just this moment the project had made the trip with her, sitting in the backseat of her car since before she’d decided to leave town. Suddenly dismantling the beautiful, intricate shawl seemed like the most satisfying thing she could do. “Want to help me?”

In a matter of minutes Ellie was seated back on the swing with her knitting bag and the mound of delicate sky-blue yarn that in another dozen rows would have been Katie’s wedding shawl.

“Oh, honey, it’s lovely,” Gran cooed as she held up the nearly finished project.

It was. Ellie prided herself on the quality of her lacework—the shawl would have been stunning with the periwinkle dress she and Katie had picked out as her maid-of-honor gown. Now no one would see it. No one except Gran, that was. Ellie’s heart both stung and glowed at her grandmother’s praise. “Thanks for saying so. I wanted it to be special. Now it’s anything but.”

Gran ran her hands across the stitches. Ellie liked that Gran took time to admire the piece. It struck her just how much she needed someone to know this had been in the works. The shawl needed a witness before its demise—if so strange a thought made any sense. It felt just right when, after a few minutes, Gran handed the cloud of soft blue lace back to her and said, “Let’s take this apart so it can become something new someday.”

A perfect metaphor for her current life. Ellie meant it when she said, “I’m ready.” She pulled the long needle from the work with a flourish, feeling weight slide off her shoulders as the stitches slid free. Finding the loose strand of yarn, she handed the ball to Gran. “I’ll rip, you wind.”

A tiny piece of her began to heal as she pulled the shawl apart row by row. So you can become something new, she told herself and the yarn. This was the wonder of Gran—she always knew just what to do to make someone feel better. Ellie couldn’t yet knit with this yarn—couldn’t yet create something new from such a painful memory—but she could rip out what needed to go away. She knew that tonight she would pack away the beautiful sky-blue yarn in one of Gran’s trunks, and tomorrow she would start some other project. Whether or not she would listen to Katie’s or Derek’s phone messages would be a problem for another day.

It took almost half an hour before Ellie saw the final stitches of the big, intricate shawl disappear under her fingers. The healing relief of it unwound the knot she’d been carrying in her stomach for days. As the last stitch came undone, Ellie took what felt like her first deep breath in forever.

She’d even managed a small giggle at one of Gran’s jokes when she caught sight of a sheriff’s car coming up the drive.

“Well, look,” Gran said. “Here comes that nice young man from the sheriff’s office. Handsome fellow, don’t you think?”

Ellie scowled. “After what we just did, I’d think you’d know I’m no fan of the male population right now.”

Gran slid the last of the pale blue balls into Ellie’s bag. “Well, maybe I can just hope you’ll be reminded that not every member of the male population is a cheating swine.”

Ellie looked at Nash’s tall, lean form as he got out of the car. “Nash could be just as cheating a swine as Derek, Gran. Clearly, I’m no good judge of these things. I’m off the market until further notice, and I mean it.”

Gran nodded. “And you should be. You need time to heal, to sort out what happened. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have friends. I have no intention of you spending your entire visit cooped up in the house with me.”

Ellie started to say I have friends, but bit back the words. In truth, she hadn’t kept up with people back here in Martins Gap after moving away to business school in the big city. Her good friends from high school had taken such a different path from hers that Ellie worried they wouldn’t find anything to talk about. Two of them were already married with children. She adored her new niece, Audie, liked kids and had been planning to start a family with Derek, but motherhood felt a long way off right now. Ellie settled for “I was planning to call Dottie sometime soon.” It was true—as of this moment—but hadn’t been a minute ago.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Gran eased herself slowly up off the swing. “But right now, why don’t you see to our company while I go tell Gunner the deputy’s here.”

Ellie stood and waved at the officer. “Nice to see you again, Deputy Larson.”

He flashed her the strangest grin—almost sheepish. “Call me Nash. I’m not quite used to being called ‘deputy’ yet.” He stepped closer. “I may have an interesting prospect for you.”

“Well, now you certainly have my attention. What’s up?”

“Pastor Theo came to see me yesterday.”

That wasn’t news. Pastor Theo was always paying calls on folks all over Martins Gap. She expected he’d show up on the ranch by the end of the week to say hello to her now that word was surely out she’d come back to the Blue Thorn. “Well, you clearly have settled in fine if Pastor Theo is paying calls on you.”

“He asked me to spend some time teaching the high school boys about cars.”

So Nash was a churchgoing man and a car guy. Interesting.

Nash shrugged. “I can’t really help him out there.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and rested one foot on the porch stair. “But Theo was looking for someone to teach something after school to the girls.”

“And?”

“And I got the idea you ought to teaching them knitting. I mean, you were talking about convincing your brother there was a market for that sort of thing, so why not create a little band of customers right here? Theo thought it was a great idea, but I promise, I didn’t commit you to anything.”

Sitting back in the swing, Ellie tried to decide how she felt about that. While half of her wondered where on earth he’d gotten the idea to nominate her out of the blue like that, the other half actually liked the idea. “Well.” She sighed. “I suppose I owe you.”

“No, you don’t. You can always say no. I did.”

Ellie laughed. “That’s what you think. Gran calls it getting ‘voluntold.’ You may be the only person ever to tell Pastor Theo ‘no’ when he asks. And he won’t stop asking.”

“Well, I admit he negotiated me down to ‘I’ll think about it.’ But no matter how long I think it over, my answer is still going to have to be no.”

Ellie stood as she saw Gunner coming over from the barn. “My sister-in-law was asking me if I’d teach her how to knit booties and such for the baby. And my niece, Audie, wants to learn to make a scarf. So, believe it or not, this isn’t my first request this week.” She liked how the idea felt as she tried it on. “I was thinking I needed a project. But then again, so do you.”

“No, I don’t.”

Ellie looked at him. “You need to get plugged in to this community. This seems like a pretty good way to do that. Tell you what—I’ll say yes if you do, too.”

His face went dark. “Then you’ll be saying no. Which you shouldn’t. But I won’t be saying yes.”

“Why? Seems like a perfectly good plan to me.”

Nash scowled. “I have my reasons.”

“Well, your recruitment skills leave a lot to be desired, Deputy Larson,” she countered. “You can’t very well tell me I ought to be saying yes when you intend to say no.”

“Fine!” Nash threw up his hands and walked toward the barn. “Do whatever you want. I was just trying to help.”

Doesn’t sound like that to me, Ellie thought as she watched him skulk toward the barn. What on earth was that all about?

Chapter Four

Nash climbed out of the rugged little ATV Gunner had driven out to one of the ranch’s far fences. “Big place you’ve got here.”

“Not so much,” Gunner said. “There are a lot bigger. We used to be bigger, too, but my dad hit on hard times back before he passed and had to sell off some of the land.”

Nash remembered Don saying something about Gunner taking over the ranch after losing his father a few years before, and changing operations from cattle to bison. And no one had yet mentioned a mother. Had Ellie lost both parents?

Nash and Gunner began walking the fence, looking for any sign of someone being there. “Your dad raised cattle, right?”

“That’s right. The bison herd was my idea.” Gunner opened a gate and the two of them walked along the grass just outside the fence. “We needed something different, some way to turn the ranch back into a working operation.”

“Anyone not like that idea?” Different wasn’t always a welcome notion, especially in a place like this.

Gunner squatted to inspect a tamped-down clump of tall grass. “Most were curious, doubtful maybe, but nothing I’d call mean-spirited. Except for my neighbor Larkey.” The rancher nodded toward the northwest side of the property, where fences marked the start of another ranch. “But that was more about real estate than livestock. He was in favor of a housing project nearby, and I got in the way by refusing to cooperate when they wanted some of my land. He did threaten one of my animals, though. We were having an argument at the time.”

Nash filed that away under “useful details” in the back of his mind. “Anyone hear about it?”

Gunner gave a sour laugh. “Oh, lots of people heard about it.”

“Well, it’s been my experience that kids copy publicized crimes. For your sake, I hope it’s only dumb kids showing off here and not someone out to harm you or your animals.”

“Hey, look.” Gunner rose with a sizable metal cylinder in his hand. “Rifle shell. Pretty big one at that.”

Gunner had already touched it, but hopefully that wouldn’t mess with ballistics. Nash reached into his pocket for an evidence bag and carefully picked it out of Gunner’s palm using the bag as a glove before sealing it up. “That ought to help narrow things down.” He looked up at the rancher. “I’m glad we’re not picking a round out of a dead animal.”

“We lose one or two a year to injury or illness before we harvest off the heard, but outside of Larkey’s threats, no one’s ever tried to kill one of mine. I hope no one’s thinking about it now.”

Nash tried to view the grassy ridge as a crime scene. It was a far cry from a Los Angeles street corner. That was certain. “How would a group of kids get out here?”

Gunner looked around. “Same as us, I suppose. ATVs, dirt bikes, maybe on horseback. This part’s too far from the road to come on foot, I expect.” Gunner gave him an analytical look. “You ride?”

“We did have mounted police in LA.” Nash kept kicking clumps of grass aside in search of more clues. “But no, I’m a car guy.”

“Like big truck or like shiny sports car?”

This was truck country, clearly. The way Gunner said shiny sounded as though it stood in for “fussy city car.” Nash turned over a crushed can with his toe. “Am I gonna have to git me a truck to fit in around here?”

Gunner gave a small laugh. “Well, now, that depends. You want to fit in or stand out? My brother, Luke, never owned a truck in his life. My dad owned nothing but whatever was the biggest, fanciest truck on the market. My wife, Brooke, owned one of them bitty hatchback things when we first met, and we just bought ourselves a genuine suburban minivan seeing as we’ll have two little ones soon. Fancy car might make you popular with the high school boys, now that I think of it, but then again so would a good truck.”

Nash’s sports car had been an asset in LA, earning him “street cred” with teens. It seemed only to earn him stares here—and not often stares of admiration. Another reason to decline Pastor Theo. “Ellie drives a hatchback, too. Anybody give her grief over it?”

Gunner laughed outright. “Well, Ellie’s a city girl now. Still, it goes fast enough to earn a speeding ticket, huh?” He scratched his chin and narrowed one eye at Nash. “What made a city guy like you come all the way out here anyhow?”

“We’re forty minutes from Austin, one of the fastest-developing tech centers in the country. I hardly think that qualifies as ‘all the way out here.’”

Gunner spread his hands. “Look around, buddy. Martins Gap is a whole other world from Austin.” The rancher fiddled with a bracket on a nearby fencepost. “One that’s disappearing too fast, if you ask me.”

Nash found himself again considering the easiest way to relate the chain of events that led him to Martins Gap. “I worked juvenile and street crimes in LA. Kids in gangs, vandalism, the occasional drug bust, that sort of thing. Every once in a while I’d turn a kid from a wrong choice, and each victory kept me going. I’d feel like I’d made a difference, like God was giving me a chance to put some good back in a place where most people could only see bad.”

Gunner leaned against the fencepost. “That doesn’t sound like a reason to leave.”

“It isn’t. But then one of those kids—one of the ones I thought I’d helped the most, actually—he turned on me. Went back to everything I thought he’d left behind. By the time I found him, he was in even deeper than he’d been before.”

“But you found him?”

Nash swallowed. He still hadn’t found an easy way to talk about that night. “More like he found me first. Hunted me down, actually. I ended up with two bullet holes that seemed to puncture all my faith in the good I used to be able to see. I knew it was time to leave.”

“It’s not perfect here, but I’d like to think we’ve got more good than an LA street.” Gunner looked out over the land, and Nash could watch the determination straighten the man’s shoulders. People liked LA, but people loved this land in a way he hadn’t thought possible. As if the grass and hills were an inseparable part of them, connected and deep-rooted. After all, Ellie had made a life in Atlanta, but she’d rushed back here at top speed when that life fell apart, certain she’d find sanctuary. He’d never had that kind of home, but he understood the appeal.

“What about Ellie’s fiancé? Did you think he was a good man before all this business?”

“Derek?” Gunner returned to looking through the grass. “Only met him once, at my wedding. He’s famous—one of them television-show chefs or something. I thought he was kind of full of himself, but I figured that just went with the territory.” He looked up at Nash. “If I ever do get the chance to see him again, I’d like to punch his lights out for cheating on my baby sister.”

He said it with such a twang that it sounded like something out of a cowboy movie, but Nash could appreciate the sentiment. Anyone who had seen the tearful hurt in Ellie’s eyes would want to sock the guy who’d done that to her. “Good riddance, I suppose.”

“Yes, sir. And it’s nice to have her back on the ranch, even though I know it’s not for keeps. She’ll fiddle around here for a while, maybe get a start on that cockamamy bison-yarn idea, but soon enough it’ll peter out. She’ll get tired of Martins Gap and head on back to Atlanta. Ellie grew up here, but she doesn’t belong in this life. She’s fast-paced. Always needs to be busy, always needs a project. Organizing her wedding was the biggest project of them all, you know? She’ll be fine once she finds something to replace it.”

“So you think the yarn thing is just a distraction?”

“Oh, she doesn’t think so, I know. But you’ve got to know Ellie. She’s only home to lick her wounds. I’m happy to have her—don’t get me wrong—but I’m not too worried we’ll be adding scarves and mittens to our inventory of bison burgers and steaks.”

Half of Nash was glad Ellie was a temporary resident of Martins Gap. He liked her. He’d liked her that first night they met, and while he hated to admit it, the idea of working with her on Pastor Theo’s high school project appealed to him. And that was a problem, because women on the rebound were vulnerable and impulsive. One of his many botched LA relationships had been a heartbroken woman, and it had ended in a very messy way. The last thing Ellie Buckton needed was more mess. Besides, part of this relocation had been a promise to God to steer clear of emotional entanglements until he got his head on straight.

Nash wasn’t in the habit of breaking promises to God, nor did he want to give Gunner Buckton any reason to punch his lights out. Ellie Buckton could be a friend, maybe a teaching partner, but Nash would be wise to make sure it came to nothing more.

* * *

“So you’ll do it, then?”

Be careful what you pray for. The words rang true in Ellie’s head as she caught the enthusiasm in Pastor Theo’s eyes as they sat on the ranch front porch talking about the program. How had she become old enough to mentor high schoolers? The same way you got old enough to get married, her heart reminded her. Or almost get married.

“Sure, I will. It will be fun.” She meant that—mostly. She taught people to knit all the time in Atlanta, eagerly sharing her favorite pastime with anyone who showed an interest. Restaurant people were creative folks and often glommed on to crafty pursuits for their downtime. She’d spent many lunch hours—when the hectic setting permitted them to take a lunch break—on the deck behind the GoodEats offices above Derek’s restaurant knitting and laughing with the corporate and food service staff.

Ellie looked around to make sure Gunner wasn’t close enough to overhear. “Pastor Theo, I’d like to impose one condition, if that’s okay with you.”

The pastor smiled. “I can’t imagine I’d say no to any request you make.”

She really did like this guy, especially after all the restaurant’s oversize egos. “In addition to learning knitting, I’d like the girls help me with an effort to make bison yarn from the Blue Thorn animals. Maybe they can even end up spinning their own hanks. Is that okay?”

“Bison yarn?” Pastor Theo asked. “There is such a thing?”

And there would be the Blue Thorn Fibers’ first marketing challenge—most people didn’t even know bison yarn existed, much less all the excellent properties of the fiber. She scooted her chair closer to the pastor’s. “You can make a marvelous yarn from a bison’s undercoat. It’s very strong, warm and lightweight—much more so than sheep’s wool. I’ve been dying to give it a try on the ranch, but it’ll take more than just me to get it launched, and I think you’ve just handed me the perfect opportunity to get some help.”

Now Gunner would have no reason to refuse. He’d never put up any resistance to helping church kids, and she wouldn’t be taking any time from the ranch’s working hands to collect the fibers. It all fit together. The welcome buzzing in the pit of her stomach dispelled the fear that had hung over her the past few days—a fear she wouldn’t feel excited about anything again. That was silly, of course—she was only twenty-five and life was far from over—but the bombed-out feeling she’d carried around since finding Derek with Katie was finally starting to disappear.

“Well, then, this is starting to feel like a win-win for everybody.” Pastor Theo looked up to see the ATV carrying Gunner and Nash pull up next to the barn. “Now we just have to ask God to work on Nash so that he’ll do the boys’ car class. I feel like God is pulling a plan together.”

Was that what God was doing? It was a welcome thought for someone whose life felt as though it had been blown apart. Ellie wasn’t ready to embrace her broken engagement as part of God’s perfect plan—everything hurt too much for that just yet—but Pastor Theo was right. She’d see the whole of things someday, even if she couldn’t see it yet. Her life was just like Katie’s shawl—taken apart to become something new—and like Katie’s shawl yarn, it had to lie in wait for whatever it was going to be next.

“So did she say yes?” Nash asked Pastor Theo as he walked up to the porch. He caught Ellie’s eye. “She’s perfect for the job.”

Theo looked between Nash and Ellie. “I’d say the same of you. How do you two know each other exactly?”

Ellie gulped, not eager to recount her close call with a speeding ticket to the local pastor.

“With all due respect, Pastor, we’ll have to agree to disagree about that job. As for Ellie, we met on the ranch the other day,” Nash said, flashing her a quick look. Ellie made a mental note to figure out what was behind Nash’s bristling refusal to help Pastor Theo. Right after she whipped the deputy up some more biscotti—or maybe a nice warm scarf—to thank him for covering for her yet again.

Pastor Theo rose. “I’m excited. And once you give in, Nash, I think you two will make a perfect team for the after-school program.”

Gunner had come up onto the porch. “Nash is teaching at church? Really?”

“No, not really,” Nash replied with growing exasperation. “But Ellie is.”

“What are you teaching?” Gunner asked with a disbelieving look that irked Ellie to no end. She was perfectly capable of mentoring girls. She had the same skills and intellect she’d had before she’d yanked Derek’s ring off her finger. She smiled, now more than ready to prove it. “Knitting, of course.”

“Well, that’s nice.” Gunner’s lack of interest stuck in her craw. Time to up the stakes.

“With Blue Thorn bison yarn that the girls are going to help make.” She watched her brother’s eyebrow rise. “Crafts and community awareness all in one. I know how you’re all about community awareness, Gunner.”

Gunner narrowed his eyes. “So they keep telling me.” He turned toward the barn. “Nash, you’ve got all you need? I’ve got some things to check on in the barn.” He threw Ellie one last dark look. “We’ll talk more about this later, Els.”

Ellie couldn’t stifle a victorious grin. “I’m sure we will, brother dear. I’ve got all kinds of plans.”

“You always do,” Gunner called, not looking back.

Pastor Theo said his goodbyes, but Nash stared at the barn. “Why do I get the feeling I just saw the opening salvo in a sibling war?”

Ellie laughed. “Oh, not open combat. More like high-level negotiations. Gunner thinks my idea to have Blue Thorn produce bison yarn is silly. You and Pastor Theo just handed me the perfect way to convince him otherwise.”

Nash looked bemused. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Only, you might have to duck now and then to stay out of the line of fire.” She’d thought it a witty remark, but Nash’s face changed completely—and not in a good way. “Bad joke to make to a deputy?”

“Just this deputy.” The tone of his voice tightened up.

Ellie came up to stand beside him. She wanted to smooth over whatever had just happened, but wasn’t exactly sure how. “Have you...have you been shot? Is that it? Is that why you won’t teach the boys?” It seemed a prying question, but by the way his shoulders tensed, the answer seemed obvious. She moved in front of him, wanting to see his face. “You have, haven’t you? Whoa. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay,” Nash replied, although it was clear it wasn’t.

“It doesn’t look okay. Really, it’s none of my business. I don’t know when to keep my mouth shut sometimes.”

“It’s why I’m here.” His words were quick and quiet, like ripping off a bandage. If a flinch had a sound, it was his tone. “Well, part of why I’m here. And, yes, it’s why I won’t teach the class.”

“I’m so sorry. What happened?”

He turned to look at her, pain and memory and a bit of bewilderment in his eyes. There was something different about Nash’s eyes, some subtle distinction she couldn’t quite name but saw all the same. “The short version is that I used to work with teens. One of them, someone I had come to trust, turned on me. With a gun. I was shot once in the shoulder and once in the thigh. So you can see why I’m in no hurry to hang out with teenage boys right now.”

“I didn’t know. And here I’ve been egging you on like an idiot. I’m sorry.”

“It could have been a lot worse. I try to thank God every day I’m still here. But the truth was, after that I couldn’t stay in LA.” He leaned against the porch railing as if the mere mention of the wound made his leg hurt. “I used to be able to see the good in some of the worst kids. I thought of it as my gift—cutting past all the trash talk and tough-guy tattoos to connect with guys before they went all the way bad.”