A Mom For Christmas

The office door opened as she came back into the front, and she smiled as Evelyn Carlisle walked in. “Miss Evelyn, what a nice surprise. How are you?”

She laid down the papers she was carrying and gave Beth a warm hug. “I’m not bad for an old lady with arthritis. It’s nice to have our famous ballerina back with us. I know your mom is tickled pink to have you home. I love having Noah and Chloe with me again. Of course, I’m not one to sit in a rocker on the porch.”

The woman’s warm smile and zest for life made Beth smile. Noah’s gram was always involved in something, always trying new things and always first to jump in to tackle a challenge. “What’s keeping you so busy these days?”

Evelyn held up one of the papers. “This. I’ve reopened the Dawes Little Theater, and we’re having a special Christmas performance.”

Beth took the large colorful poster depicting iconic Christmas events. A sugar plum fairy, children around a tree, a winter scene and the nativity. “This looks wonderful. What made you decide to reopen the theater?”

“Your sister-in-law, Gemma. She did such a fantastic job with our celebrations last year that everyone is fired up to make this year even better. I’d been thinking about starting the little theater up again, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. We’ve scheduled it for the third Saturday in December. I was hoping to put a poster in your window.”

“Of course. I’ll put it up right away.” The thought of reviving the theater sent her heart skipping. It had been a vital part of the town for years, and she’d performed in several shows. She’d been sad to learn from her mother that Evelyn had closed it because of lack of participation.

“Most of our numbers are musical. Three familiar Christmas scenes with singing and dancing. I wanted it to be happy and joyful. We’ve been blessed so many people were eager to volunteer to put on the show.” Evelyn adjusted her glasses. “Of course, things happen. And we’re about to lose a key member of our staff. Allison Kent, our dance coordinator, just received a job offer in Biloxi she’s been hoping for, and she has to start immediately.”

“That’s too bad.” Evelyn was staring pointedly, triggering an uneasy feeling in Beth’s stomach.

“I thought perhaps I could talk you into stepping into her place to help us out?”

“Me?” The idea sent a swell of excitement along her nerves. Being in a theater again, performing, the excitement, the joy. Cold reality quickly squelched the feelings. She wasn’t in any shape to perform, and being in a theater now would only point out what she could no longer have. “I’m not really sure how long I’m going to be here, and I promised to help my mother.” She was hedging, and the look on Evelyn’s face said she knew it, too.

“Since all of our performers are amateurs, Allison kept the dances simple. They’re all set, and everyone knows them by heart. All you’d have to do is keep things on track.”

“That’s very kind of you to ask, but...”

Evelyn patted her arm. “Just think about it. We could really use your help. Oh, and I wanted to tell you I liked your suggestion about Chloe taking dancing lessons. I think it would make doing her PT exercises easier.”

“Noah told you about that?”

“He did, and I told him he was being closed-minded about the whole thing.”

“What does he have against it? I really can’t figure that out.”

Evelyn’s eyes sparkled. “Oh, well, it’s a long story. He’s got some funny ideas about the arts that, if you ask me, he needs to get over.” She scooped up the rest of the circulars. “Well, I need to get going, or I’ll never get these distributed.” She stopped at the door. “Oh. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like you to take a look at the scene from The Nutcracker we’re doing in the show. Allison had doubts about some of the steps. With your professional experience, maybe you could stop by and offer a few changes to make it better?”

It would be rude to refuse. “Of course. Just let me know.”

“Thank you. Oh, and would you see that Noah gets one of these posters for his office window when he comes in?”

“Of course.” Beth said goodbye, then returned to the desk and sank down in the chair. It might be fun to get involved with the production. But how would she feel being in a theater, knowing she might never dance professionally again? No. It would be safer to keep her focus on her recovery.

She was doing all she could, following her doctor’s and physical therapist’s advice to the letter. She was eating right, getting plenty of rest and doing her exercises faithfully. Each morning she did her exercises and a full ballet warm-up in the small studio her father had built for her when she was a child. Each day she pushed just a little harder, stretched a tiny bit farther, but always wearing her brace and careful not to overdo. She believed in her heart that if she worked hard enough and long enough, she could recapture the life she had before.

But what if the doctors were right, and she was lying to herself? That question lay like a shard of ice in her chest that never went away.

She glanced out the window and saw Noah unlocking the door to his office. Picking up the poster, she followed him inside. “Your gram left this for you to put in your window. I have one, too.”

He scanned the colorful announcement with a shake of his head. “She got it into her head to start the little theater up again.”

“You don’t sound pleased about that.”

He shrugged. “If it makes her happy...”

“She asked me to help out with the dancers. Apparently her instructor is moving away.”

Noah held her gaze, his mouth in a tight line. “I suppose you jumped at the chance.”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Really.” He rested his hands on his hips. “What’s holding you back? Too busy selling real estate? Or is little theater beneath you? Going from principal dancer to small town choreographer is quite a comedown.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“Not if it’s true.”

The hurt tone in his voice made her stop and study him more closely. “Noah, what happened to you? To us? We were close friends. We always supported each other. I was going to be the famous dancer, and you were going to design architectural wonders.”

Noah sat on the edge of his desk, arms crossed over his chest. “I figured out pretty quick I didn’t have the imagination needed to be a successful architect. I was better suited for engineering. Numbers and equations. Things that are always solid and predictable.” He stood and went around the desk. “I learned to look at the future more realistically.” He faced her, his blue eyes cold. “I learned a lot that year. Like who my real friends were, and who could be depended on and who couldn’t.”

“We used to depend on each other.”

“I thought so—until you ran off to New York and never looked back. I guess friendship didn’t count as much as pursuing your career.”

How could she make him understand? “I had no choice. The call came in, and I had to be in New York the next day to begin rehearsing. My mom and I were running around packing, trying to make plane reservations. It was hectic.”

“Too hectic to find a second to call your friend and share the good news?”

His barb made a direct hit. “I meant to call you and explain.”

Noah’s gaze searing into hers. “When? The next day? The next week? I had to find out about you joining the ballet company in the newspaper.” He worked his jaw, his eyes dark. “That’s how much our friendship meant to you.”

“It meant a great deal to me. But I didn’t think it meant much to you.”

“I waited in the gazebo until midnight for you to show up. I called you a dozen times. I finally called your house and talked to one of your brothers, but all they knew was that something had come up and you and your mom had left.”

Her heart sank. They’d agreed to meet that evening at the gazebo to exchange gifts. Noah was leaving for the summer semester at Mississippi State the next morning. She hadn’t shown up at the gazebo because after he’d rebuffed her affections earlier in the day, she’d wanted to avoid him. It had been easy to dismiss that night amid all the rush to leave. Is that what was behind his attitude? Her failure to show up to say goodbye?

“I’m sorry, Noah, I was so busy. You know how crushed I was when I wasn’t chosen after my audition. This sudden opening with the company was the answer to my dreams.”

Noah worked his jaw from side to side. “And your dream trumped a casual friendship. I get it. We all have priorities, and I learned yours that night.” He stood. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

Without a word, he walked to the back office, leaving her alone, a hundred questions swirling in her mind.

Seated at her desk again, Beth replayed the events of that last day with Noah. She couldn’t tell him how heartbroken and embarrassed she’d been by his rejection. It wasn’t his fault she’d read too much in to their friendship. She couldn’t remain friends and pretend to be happy when he found someone else.

And he had. She’d heard through her mother that he’d abruptly transferred from Mississippi State to Stanford and married a year later. Proving once and for all his heart had never been hers. Her last thin strand of hope had died. It hadn’t been a misunderstanding. He truly hadn’t loved her.

With her mother out of the office, Beth tried to work, but her gaze kept wandering to Noah’s office. He never appeared again. He was either really busy in the back room, or he’d slipped out the back door to avoid seeing her.

A lump formed in her throat. Noah had been more than a friend. He’d been her strong shoulder, her soft place to fall. The man she’d loved. But she’d never told him that. She’d always worried that to do so would ruin the special bond between them. When she’d finally found the courage to open her heart, he’d been embarrassed and uncomfortable. He’d made it clear that the words of love she’d had engraved on the small key chain she’d given him weren’t welcome.

A sudden contradiction formed in her mind. If Noah had no feelings for her back then, why was he still so upset that she’d left town without telling him? His bristly attitude and his cutting comments didn’t sound like someone who had forgotten the past. They sounded like someone who still carried the pain.

What that meant, she had no idea. In the past, if she was confused about something, she would go to Noah and discuss it with him. No subject was off limits. But now, when she was so confused, he was the last person she could turn to. The realization stung.

She had to find a way to repair their relationship because being at odds with Noah hurt more deeply than she’d thought possible.

* * *

Noah’s encounter with Beth wore on his nerves like a pebble in his shoe. Thankfully, his job with the city had kept him busy all afternoon doing structural inspections, but he couldn’t shake the fact that he owed her an apology. He’d been rude and hurtful. What had happened, or not happened, between them was in the past. Beth had a right to live her life. Just because seeing her again stirred up old emotional wounds wasn’t her fault. He needed to recommit to his original plan. Stay away. Keep his distance. Then everything would be fine.

The tension in the kitchen was as thick as soup when he arrived home that night. Gram was at the stove, stirring the contents of a pot with vigor. Chloe was hunched up in the sunroom, her thumbs flying over her cell phone. He debated which female to approach first. Gram seemed less threatening.

He moved to the stove and looked down at the contents of the pot. “So did the sauce talk back to you, or was it Chloe?”

She huffed out a breath and straightened, peering over the rim of her glasses. “Neither. Merely a run-in with that brick wall we’ve been living with for the last few weeks. Apparently, the Carlisle stubborn streak didn’t skip a generation.”

Now he understood. “Chloe won’t do her exercises.”

“She says she will if Bethany teaches her to dance.” Gram stopped stirring and faced him. “What can it hurt, Noah? She’s nine. It’s not like she’s going to run off and join a ballet company at her age. This thing you have with keeping her away from anything involving the arts is just plain silly.”

Noah rubbed his forehead. “I’m just trying to protect her.”

“From what? Exploring new things and having fun? You can’t control what your daughter dreams about, Noah. Sooner or later you have to face the fact that she’s going to grow up and leave you, too. She’ll make a life of her own. Denying her things she wants to do will only hasten that along, and I know you don’t want that.”

He knew that, but he could keep her focused on things that were more productive. Things that would instill solid values for life and a future family. He took a seat in the sunroom on the footstool across from Chloe and stretched out his palm. She sighed and handed over her phone. That was their deal. She could have a cell phone, minus internet access, and he had the right to check her call and text history. “Shouldn’t you be doing your exercises?”

“They hurt.”

“Don’t you want to play soccer in the spring?”

“I want to dance.”

“There aren’t any dance schools in Dover.”

“Miss Beth could show me. She’s famous. She knows all about dancing.”

Every word his daughter spoke poked an anthill of emotions. “Miss Beth has no time for teaching.”

“Yes, she does. She told me we could practice at her studio at Miss Francie’s house.”

He handed back her phone. “When did you talk to Beth?”

“Gram and I stopped in to see you after school today, only you weren’t there. I stayed and talked to her while Gram went to the bank.”

Noah set his jaw. He’d have to have a talk with his grandmother. He didn’t want Chloe getting too attached to Beth. Better yet, he’d have a talk with Beth himself and set her straight about a few things.

* * *

The next morning, Noah parked his car beside the small building behind the Montgomery home that had been converted into Beth’s dance studio. Yesterday he’d been determined to tell Beth to back off and not mention dancing to Chloe. But he’d been unable to dismiss his gram’s advice. Chloe was growing up, and she would strike out on her own. He didn’t want her resenting him for denying her something she longed to do. But there was one other fact that wore away at his resentment. What if Gram was right, and Beth could never dance en pointe again?

He knew what it was like to have your dreams shattered and see the future you dreamed of go up in smoke. Beth must be suffering greatly with the prospect of never being a ballerina again. It had been her whole life.

He stepped inside the studio and found her on the small settee, her head resting on her knees. A twinge of concern hit him. As he approached, he saw her shoulder shake, which elevated his concern. “Beth, are you all right? Are you hurt?”

She jerked, lifting her head and blinking away tears. “Noah. What are you doing here?”

Taking a tissue from the box on the side table, she wiped her eyes, then rose to face him. His heart lodged in his throat. She was the essence of femininity. The black leotard and tights highlighted every feminine curve. The filmy overskirt that ended around her knees swished enticingly as she moved. Her dark hair, usually floating around her face, was pulled back into a haphazard knot at the back of her head. She looked every inch the professional ballerina—except for the sadness in her hazel eyes that brought an unfamiliar ache to his chest. He fought the sudden need to pull her close and comfort her. “You first. Why are you crying?”

She lifted her chin in a defiant gesture, only to sigh and lower her gaze, her fingers toying with strings on her skirt. “I was thinking about my daddy and how much I miss him. It’s been a year already, and I still have this horrible hole in my heart.”

It was not what he’d expected her to say, but he was very familiar with the emotion. “My gramps has been gone two years, and I still expect him to walk into the shop or come up behind me and squeeze my shoulder.”

“Two years?” She gave him a sad smile. “I was hoping you’d say something to make me feel better.” She glanced around the studio. “Daddy built this for me when I was ten. I’d told him that I was going to devote my life to dancing, and he said if that was true then I needed a place where I could practice every day.”

“And you did.” He remembered the hours she spent locked away. He’d count the minutes until she would step outside, put the practice behind her and become his friend. “I’m sure he was very proud of you.”

She smiled, a sweet one this time that melted his insides. “He was. He never missed a performance, and he always gave me a bouquet of pink roses afterward no matter how small my part. I felt like a real princess. He was my biggest fan.” She met his gaze, then set her hands on her hips. “Your turn. Why are you here?”

The determination that had driven him here had been diluted by Beth’s tears. Seeing her in her element, here in the studio, forced him to understand the significance of her loss. For all his issues with Beth, he would never want her to lose the thing she loved most. Gram was right. He couldn’t control his daughter’s dreams. Making too much of his disapproval might have the opposite effect. And in the short term, Beth would eventually leave, and by then Chloe would hopefully have moved on to a new interest.

“I came by to tell you that if you’re still willing, I think adding dance along with Chloe’s PT might be a good idea.”

“Really? I’d love to. In fact, I’m going to start working with my niece and her friend. Chloe can join us, and we’ll have a little dance class here. It should be fun.”

Seeing the joy and anticipation on her face left a warm softness in his rib cage.

“What made you change your mind?”

He didn’t realize how close they stood until he looked into her eyes. He could see the gold streak in the left one. “I can’t say no to my little girl.”

She chuckled softly and touched his arm. “Neither could my dad.”

He looked into her eyes and saw them dilate. His pulse flipped. She was so close, he caught the flowery scent of her hair. He gathered himself and stepped back. She’d always made his heart race. Her loveliness never failed to captivate him, but she wasn’t dependable. There was no room in her world for anyone else. The frown on her face told him Beth clearly felt his withdrawal.

“You won’t change your mind, will you? About Chloe I mean?”

He rubbed his forehead, already regretting his impulse. “No.” Noah cleared his throat. “She needs to do her PT, and if dancing gets it done then I’m all for it.” He pulled out a business card and handed it to her. “I have one request. Call Pete Jones, her physical therapist, and make sure you know what her parameters are and that he approves of whatever type of dancing you’re planning.”

“Of course. I’ll be very cautious, Noah. You can depend on me.”

That was the one thing he couldn’t do. “Then I’ll be going. Let me know when Chloe should be here.”

She stared at him, a questioning look in her eyes. “Okay.”

He held her gaze a moment before walking to the door. He had a bad feeling he’d just made a terrible mistake.

Chapter Three

The Sunday morning air was cool but pleasant for early November as Beth strolled through the courthouse park. Above the giant old magnolias and moss-draped live oaks, she could see the white steeple of Peace Community Church like a friendly hand beckoning her home. She’d agreed to meet her mother and family for late services today. She’d begged off her first two Sundays here, but she knew she couldn’t do that any longer. Surprisingly, instead of dreading going to church, she found herself looking forward to it. She’d realized last night that worship had been one of the things missing in her life the last few years. She hadn’t turned her back on God or lost her faith, but it had taken a seat high in the back balcony of her life to other things. It wasn’t something she was proud of.

The front steps of the old brick church were crowded with members chatting and laughing. She wasn’t in the mood to talk about her career or her reasons for being home. It was too painful a topic. Skirting the front entrance, she took the walkway along the side of the building and entered through one of the side doors. It didn’t take long to find her family. They always sat midway up in the sanctuary. Her older brothers, Linc and Gil, were already seated with their wives and children. Her mother was talking to Evelyn Carlisle. Beth groaned inwardly, hoping they weren’t talking about her. Too late. Her mother spotted her and waved her over.

“Beth, Evelyn tells me that she asked you to help with the Christmas show. That’s a great idea. I think you should. It would be good for you to get involved.”

The woman laid her hand on her heart. “You would be an answer to my prayers.”

“What about my job with you?”

Her mom waved off her concerns. “Don’t worry about that. I’m used to running my business alone.”

Beth forced a smile. Evelyn and her mom had skillfully funneled her to a point where her only option was to say yes. “I’d love to help you out. When would you like me to start?”

Evelyn grinned. “Wonderful. We rehearse two nights a week and on Saturdays. We’re having a board meeting at the theater Tuesday evening. Why don’t you come, and I’ll introduce you to everyone. Oh, and let’s keep this between the two of us for the time being. I want it to be a surprise for the board.”

The organ began to play softly, and Evelyn excused herself and moved off. Beth saw her stop at a pew near the front, where Noah and Chloe were seated. Noah glanced over his shoulder, and their eyes met. Her heart skipped a beat. For a moment she felt the old link between them. She wanted to go to him and ask him to help her sort out her life. But he looked away, leaving her adrift again. She had the horrible feeling that he would never forgive her for leaving the way she had. She wasn’t sure she could live with that fact, because despite the years and the distance, she still cared for him. He was the best friend she’d ever had, the only person who understood her. She couldn’t make that go away.

Beth forced thoughts of Noah and the past out of her mind, suddenly craving the comfort and peace she’d always found in the historic church. In her drive to reach the top of her profession, she’d lost that feeling. She was beginning to think she’d lost far more than an active faith life.

Despite her best efforts, her mind wandered through the early parts of the service. Her gaze drifted to Noah, then to her brothers. Gil had his arm draped across the back of the pew, wrapping Julie in a subtle hug. Linc held Gemma’s hand, which was resting on his thigh.

A surge of longing swelled from deep inside. She wanted that kind of connection. A hand to hold, someone to depend on. For the last twelve years it had been her career, but that had failed her and set her adrift in a world she no longer knew how to navigate.

Reverend Jim Barrett’s gravelly voice pulled her from her negative thoughts.

“The first commandment is ‘You shall have no other Gods before Me.’ Have you considered how hard it is to follow? It’s the most important of the ten, but we treat it lightly. What God have you set in place of the Lord? What goal, passion, hobby or desire have you, unintentionally probably, set in place of God? What is it that you work harder for, strive for, push everything and everyone else aside for to achieve?”

A warm rush heated Beth’s cheeks, making her squirm. Was he talking to her? Had he known she would be here today?

“I know we all have to do certain things to meet our goals to get that promotion or earn that raise. We tell ourselves it’s so we can provide a better life for our family or for ourselves. But the problem lies in the definition of better life. If you’re ignoring your family, your friends and your God, then how can that make anything better? Ask yourself what is your goal really costing you? People, jobs, dreams will all fail you. Put Him first always, and He’ll take care of the rest.”