Always The Best Man

She did instead, backing up a few steps and tucking a lock of her thick, pale blond hair behind one ear. Her gaze dropped from his, roamed his body in a way that made him warm all over again. Finally she looked past him to their friends. “Katie told me you’re the best man.”

He nodded.

“I’ve got some ideas for the wedding weekend. I want it to be special for both of them.”

“Let me know what you need from me. Happy to help in any way.”

“I will.” She straightened her shoulders and when she looked at him again, it was pure Emily. A mix of condescension and ice. “A good place to start would be putting on some clothes,” she said, pointing to the shirt still balled in his fist. “No one needs a prolonged view of your bony bod.”

It was meant as an insult and a reminder of their history. She’d nicknamed him Bones when he’d grown almost a foot the year of seventh grade. No matter what he’d eaten, he couldn’t keep up with his height and had been a beanpole, all awkward adolescent arms and legs. From what he remembered, Emily hadn’t experienced one ungainly moment in all of her teenage years. She’d always been perfect.

And out of his league.

He pulled the shirt over his head and grabbed his gym bag. “I’ll remember that,” he told her and walked past her off the field.

Chapter Two

Emily lifted the lip gloss to her mouth just as the doorbell to her mother’s house rang Saturday night. She dropped the tube onto the dresser, chiding herself for making an effort with her appearance before a casual family dinner. Particularly silly when the guest was Jase Crenshaw, who meant nothing to her. Who probably didn’t want to be in the same room with her.

Not when she’d been so rude to him after the football game with her reference to his body. He had to know the insult was absurd. He might have been a tall skinny teen but now he’d grown into his body in a way that made her feel weak in the knees.

That weakness accounted for her criticism. Emily had spent the last year of her marriage feeling fragile and unsettled. Jase made her feel flustered in a different way, but she couldn’t allow herself be affected by any man when she was working so hard to be strong.

Of course she’d known Jase liked her when they were younger, but she hadn’t been interested in her brother’s best friend or anyone from small-town Crimson. Emily’d had her sights set on bigger things, like getting out of Colorado. Henry Whitaker and his powerful family had provided the perfect escape at the time.

Sometimes she wished she could ignore the changes in herself. She glanced at the mirror again. The basics were the same—blond hair flowing past her shoulders, blue eyes and symmetrical features. People would still look at her and see a beautiful woman, but she wondered if anyone saw beyond the surface.

Did they notice the shadows under her eyes, the result of months of restless nights when she woke and tiptoed to Davey’s doorway to watch him sleeping? Could they tell she couldn’t stop the corners of her lips from perpetually pulling down, as if the worry over her son was an actual weight tugging at their edges?

No. People saw what they wanted, like she’d wanted to see her ex-husband as the white knight that would sweep her off to the charmed life she craved. Only now did she realize perfection was a dangerous illusion.

She heard Jase’s laughter drift upstairs and felt herself swaying toward the open door of the bedroom that had been hers since childhood. Her mom had taken the canopy off the four-poster bed and stripped the posters from the walls, but a fresh coat of paint and new linens couldn’t change reality.

Emily was a twenty-eight year old woman reduced to crawling back to the financial and emotional safety of her mother’s home. She dipped her head, her gaze catching on a tiny patch of pink nail polish staining the corner of the dresser. It must have been there for at least ten years, back when a bright coat of polish could lift her spirits. She’d had so many dreams growing up, but now all she wanted was to make things right for her son.

“Em, dinner is almost ready,” her mom called from the bottom of the stairs.

“Be right there,” she answered. She scraped her thumbnail against the polish, watching as it flaked and fell to the floor. Something about peeling a bit of her girlhood from the dresser made her breathe easier and she turned for the door. She took a step, then whirled back and picked up the lip gloss, dabbing a little on the center of her mouth and pressing her lips together. Maybe she couldn’t erase the shadows under her eyes, but Emily wasn’t totally defeated yet.

Before heading through the back of the house to the patio where Noah was grilling burgers, she turned at the bottom of the stairs toward her father’s old study. Since she and Davey had returned, her mom had converted the wood-paneled room to building block headquarters. It had been strange, even ten years after her father’s death, to see his beloved history books removed from the shelves to make room for the intricate building sets her son spent hours creating. Her mother had taken the change easier than Emily, having had years alone in the house to come to terms with her husband’s death. That sense of peace still eluded Emily, but she liked to think her warmhearted, gregarious father would be happy that his office was now a safe place for Davey.

Tonight Davey wasn’t alone on the thick Oriental rug in front of the desk. Jase sat on the floor next to her son, long legs sprawled in front of him. He looked younger than normal, carefree without the burden of taking care of the town weighing down his shoulders. Both of their heads were bent to study something Jase held, and Emily’s breath caught as she noticed her son’s hand resting on Jase’s leg, their arms brushing as Davey leaned forward to hand Jase another Lego piece.

She must have made a sound because Jase glanced up, an almost apologetic smile flashing across his face. “You found us,” he said and handed Davey the pieces before standing. Davey didn’t look at her but turned toward his current model, carefully adding the new section to it.

“Dinner’s ready,” she said, swallowing to hide the emotion that threatened to spill over into her voice.

Jase had known her too long to be fooled. “Hope it’s okay I’m in here with him.” He gestured to the bookshelves that held neat rows of building sets. “He’s got an impressive collection.”

“He touched you,” she whispered, taking a step back into the hall. Not that it mattered. Her son wasn’t listening. When Davey was focused on finishing one of his creations, the house could fall down around him and he wouldn’t notice.

“Is that bad?” Jase’s thick brows drew down, and he ran a hand through his hair, as if it would help him understand her words. His dark hair was in need of a cut and his fingers tousled it, making her want to brush it off his forehead the way she did for Davey as he slept.

“It’s not...it’s remarkable. He was diagnosed with Asperger’s this summer. It was early for a formal diagnosis, but I’d known something was different with him for a while.” Emily couldn’t help herself from reaching out to comb her fingers through the soft strands around Jase’s temples. It was something to distract herself from the fresh pain she felt when talking about Davey. “Building Lego sets relaxes him. He doesn’t like to be touched and will only tolerate a hug from me sometimes. To see him touching you so casually, as if it were normal...”

Jase lifted his hand and took hold of hers, pulling it away from his head but not letting go. He cradled it in his palm, tracing his thumb along the tips of her fingers. She felt the subtle pressure reverberate through her body. Davey wasn’t the only one uncomfortable being touched.

Since her son’s symptoms had first started and her ex-husband’s extreme reaction to them had launched the destruction of their family, Emily felt like she was made of glass.

Now as she watched Jase’s tanned fingers gently squeeze hers, she wanted more. She wanted to step into this tall, strong, good man who could break through her son’s walls without even realizing it and find some comfort for herself.

“I’m glad for it,” he said softly, bringing her back to the present moment. “What about his dad?”

She snatched away her hand, closed her fist tight enough that her nails dug small half-moons into her palm. “My ex-husband wanted a son who could bond with him tossing a ball or sailing. The Whitakers are a competitive family, and even the grandkids are expected to demonstrate their athletic prowess. It’s a point of pride and bragging rights for Henry and his brothers—whose kid can hit a ball off the tee the farthest or catch a long pass, even if it’s with a Nerf football.”

Jase glanced back at her son. “Davey’s five, right? It seems a little young to be concerned whether or not he’s athletic.”

“That didn’t matter to my in-laws, and it drove Henry crazy. He couldn’t understand it. As Davey’s symptoms became more pronounced, his father pushed him harder to be the right kind of boy.”

She pressed her mouth into a thin line to keep from screaming the next words. “He forbade me from taking him to the doctor to be tested. His solution was to punish him, take away the toys he liked and force him into activities that ended up making us all more stressed. Davey started having tantrums and fits, which only infuriated Henry. He was getting ready to run for congress.” She rolled her eyes. “The first step in the illustrious political campaign his family has planned.”

“Following in his father’s footsteps,” Jase murmured.

It was true. Emily had married into one of the most well-known political families in the country since the Kennedys. The Whitakers had produced at least one US senator in each of the past five generations of men, and one of Henry’s great-uncles had been vice president. “I didn’t just marry a man, I took on a legacy. The worst part was I went in with my eyes open. I practically interviewed for the job of political wife, and I was ready to be a good one.” She snapped her fingers. “I could throw a party fit for the First Lady with an hour’s notice.”

Jase cleared his throat. “I’m sure your husband appreciated that.”

She gave a harsh laugh. “He didn’t appreciate it. He expected it. There’s a big difference.” She shrugged. “None of it mattered once Davey was born. I knew from the time he was a baby he was different and I tried to hide...tried to protect him from Henry as long as possible. But once I couldn’t anymore, there was no doubt about my loyalty.” She plastered a falsely bright smile on her face. “So here I am back in Crimson.”

Davey looked up from his building set. “I’m finished, Mommy.”

She stepped around Jase and sat on the carpet to admire the intricate structure Davey had created. “Tell me about it, sweetie.”

“It’s a landing pod with a rocket launcher. It’s like the ones they have on The Clone Wars, only this one has an invisible force field around it so no one can destroy it.”

If only she could put a force field around her son to protect him from the curiosity and potential ridicule that could come due to his differences from other kids. “I love it, Wavy-Davey.”

One side of his mouth curved at the nickname before he glanced at Jase. “He helped. He’s good at building. Better than Uncle Noah or Grammy.”

“High praise,” Jase said, moving toward the bookshelves. “If you make a bridge connecting it to this one, you’d have the start of an intergalactic space station.”

Emily darted a glance at Davey as Jase moved one of the sets a few inches to make room for this new one. Her boy didn’t like anyone else making decisions about the placement of his precious building sets. To her surprise, Davey only nodded. “I’ll need to add a hospital and mechanic’s workshop ’cause if there’s a battle they’ll need those.”

“Maybe a cafeteria and bunk room?” Jase suggested.

“You can help me with those if you want.” Leaving Emily speechless where she sat, Davey gently lifted the new addition and carried it to the bookshelf. With Jase’s help, he slid it into place with a satisfied nod. “I’m hungry. Can we eat?” he asked, turning to Emily.

“Sure thing,” she agreed. “Grammy, Uncle Noah and Aunt Katie are waiting.” Her family was used to waiting as transitions were one of Davey’s biggest challenges. Sometimes it took long minutes to disengage him from a project.

Her son stepped forward, his arms ramrod straight at his sides. “It’s time, Mommy. I’m ready.”

She almost laughed at the confusion clouding Jase’s gaze. People went in front of a firing squad with more enthusiasm than Davey displayed right now. It would have been funny if this ritual didn’t break her heart the tiniest bit. Embarrassment flooded through her at what Jase might think, but the reward was too high to worry about a little humiliation.

She rose to her knees and opened her arms. Davey stepped forward and she pulled him close, burying her nose in his neck to breathe him in as she gave him a gentle hug. A few moments were all he could handle before he squirmed in her embrace. “I love you,” she whispered before letting him go.

He met her gaze. “I know,” he answered simply, then turned and walked out of the room.

She stood, wiping her cheeks. Why bother to hide the tears? She’d left the lion’s share of her pride, along with most of her other possessions, back in Boston.

“Sorry,” she said to Jase, knowing her smile was watery at best. Emily might be considered beautiful, but she was an ugly crier. “It’s a deal he and I have. Every time he finishes a set, I get a hug. A real one.”

“Emily,” he whispered.

“Don’t say anything about it, please. I can’t afford to lose it now. It’s dinnertime, and I don’t need to give my family one more reason to worry about me.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw, but he nodded. “In case no one has said it lately,” he said as she moved past, “your ex-husband may be political royalty, but he’s also a royal ass. You deserve to be loved better.” The deep timbre of his voice rumbled through her like a cool waterfall, both refreshing and fierce in its power.

She shivered but didn’t stop walking out of the room. Reality kept her moving forward. Davey was her full reason for being now. There was no use considering what she did or didn’t deserve.

Chapter Three

“Is that you, Jase?”

“Yeah, Dad.” Jase slipped into the darkened trailer and flipped on the light. “I’m here. How’s it going?”

“I could use a beer,” Declan Crenshaw said with a raspy laugh. “Or a bottle of whiskey. Any chance you brought whiskey?”

His father was sprawled on the threadbare couch that had rested against the thin wall of the mobile home since Jase could remember. Nothing in the cramped space had changed from the time they’d first moved in. The trailer’s main room was tiny, barely larger than the dorm room Jase had lived in his first year at the University of Denver. From the front door he could see back to the bedroom on one side and through the efficiency kitchen with its scratched Formica counters and grainy wood cabinets to the family room on the other.

“No alcohol.” He was used to denying his dad’s requests for liquor. Declan had been two years sober and Jase was hopeful this one was going to stick. He was doing everything in his power to make sure it did. Checking on his dad every night was just part of it. “How about water or a cup of tea?”

“Do I look like the queen of England?” Declan picked up the potato chip bag resting next to him on the couch and placed it on the scuffed coffee table, then brushed off his shirt, chip crumbs flying everywhere.

“No one’s going to mistake you for royalty.” Jase’s dad looked like a man who’d lived a hard life, the vices that had consumed him for years made him appear decades older than his sixty years. If the alcohol and smoking weren’t enough, Declan had spent most of his adult life working in the active mines around Crimson, first the Smuggler silver mine outside of Aspen and then later the basalt-gypsum mine high on Crimson Mountain.

Between the dust particles, the constant heavy lifting, operating jackhammers and other heavy equipment, the work took a physical toll on the men and women employed by the mines. Jase had tried to get his father to quit for years, but it was only after a heart attack three years ago that Declan had been forced to retire. Unfortunately, having so much time on his hands had led him to a six-month drunken binge that had almost killed him. Jase needed to believe he wasn’t going to have to watch his father self-destruct ever again.

“Maybe they should since you’re a royal pain in my butt,” Declan growled.

“Good one, Dad.” Jase didn’t take offense. Insults were like terms of endearment to his father. “Why are you sitting here in the dark?” He picked up the chip bag and dropped it in the trash can in the kitchenette, then started washing the dishes piled in the sink.

“Damn cable is out again. I called but they can’t get here until tomorrow. If I lose my DVRed shows, there’s gonna be hell to pay. The Real Housewives finale was on tonight. I wanted to see some rich-lady hair pulling.”

Jase smiled. Since his dad stopped drinking, he’d become addicted to reality TV. Dance moms, little people, bush people, swamp people, housewives. Declan watched them all. “Maybe you should get a hobby besides television. Take a walk or volunteer.”

His dad let out a colorful string of curses. “My only other hobby involves walking into a bar, so I’m safer holed up out here. And I’m not spending my golden years working for free. Hell, I barely made enough to pay the bills with my regular job. There’s only room for one do-gooder in this family, and that’s you.”

It was true. The Crenshaws had a long history of living on the wrong side of the law in Crimson. There was even a sepia-stained photo hanging in the courthouse that showed his great-great-grandfather sitting in the old town jail. Jase had consciously set out to change his family’s reputation. Most of his life decisions had been influenced by wanting to be something different...something more than the Crenshaw legacy of troublemaking.

“I read in the paper that you’re sponsoring a pancake breakfast next week.”

Jase placed the last mug onto the dish drainer, then turned. “It’s part of my campaign.”

“Campaigning against yourself?” his dad asked with a chuckle.

“It’s a chance for people to get to know me.”

Declan stood, brushed off his shirt again. “Name one person who doesn’t know you.”

“They don’t know me as a candidate. I want to hear what voters think about how the town is doing, ideas for the future—where Crimson is going to be in five or ten years.”

His dad yawned. “Same place it’s been for the last hundred years. Right here.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know.” Declan patted Jase on the back. “You’re a good boy, Jason Damien Crenshaw. Better than I deserve as a son. It’s got to be killing Charles Thompson and his boys that a Crenshaw is going to be running this town.” His dad let out a soft chuckle. “I may give ex–Sheriff Thompson a call and see what he thinks.”

“Don’t, Dad. Leave the history between us and the Thompsons in the past where it belongs.” Jase didn’t mention the hit Aaron had put on him during the football game, which would only make his father angry.

“You’re too nice for your own good. Why don’t you pick me up before the breakfast?” Declan had lost his license during his last fall from the wagon and hadn’t bothered to get it reinstated. Jase took him to doctor’s appointments, delivered groceries and ran errands—an inconvenience, but it also helped him keep track of Declan. Something that hadn’t always been easy during the heaviest periods of drinking. “I’ll campaign for you. Call it volunteer work and turn my image around in town.”

Jase swallowed. He’d encouraged his father to volunteer almost as a joke, knowing Declan never would. But campaigning... Jase loved his dad but he’d done his best to distance himself from the reputation that followed his family like a plague. “We’ll see, Dad. Thanks for the offer. Are you heading to bed?”

“Got nothing else to do with no channels working.”

“I’ll call the cable company in the morning and make sure you’re on the schedule,” Jase promised. “Lock up behind me, okay?”

“Who’s going to rob me?” Declan swept an arm around the trailer’s shabby interior. “I’ve got nothing worth stealing.”

“Just lock up. Please.”

When his father eventually nodded, Jase let himself out of the trailer and headed home. Although he’d driven the route between the trailer park and his historic bungalow on the edge of downtown countless times, he forced himself to stay focused.

Three miles down the county highway leading into town. Two blocks until a right turn onto his street. Four hundred yards before he saw his mailbox. Keeping his mind on the driving was less complicated than giving the thoughts and worries crowding his head room to breathe and grow.

He parked his silver Jeep in the driveway, since his dad’s ancient truck was housed in the garage. It needed transmission work that Jase didn’t have time for before it would run again, and Declan had no use for it without a license. But Jase couldn’t bring himself to sell it. It represented something he couldn’t name...a giving in to the permanence of caring for an aging parent that he wasn’t ready to acknowledge.

He locked the Jeep and lifted his head to the clear night. The stars were out in full force, making familiar designs across the sky. He hadn’t used his old telescope in years, but Jase never tired of stargazing.

Something caught his eye, and when he looked around the front of his truck everything in the world fell away except the woman standing in his front yard.

Emily.

He wasn’t sure where she’d come from or how he hadn’t noticed her when he pulled up. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her mom’s 4Runner parked across the street.

She didn’t say anything as he approached, only watched him, her hands clasped tight together in front of her waist. Her fingers were long and elegant like the rest of her. As much as he would never wish her pain, the fact that she wore no wedding ring made him perversely glad.

“Hi,” he said when he was in front of her, then silently cursed himself. He was an attorney and a town council member, used to giving speeches and closing arguments to courtrooms and crowded meetings. The best he could come up with now was Hi? Lame.

“I owe you an apology,” she whispered. “And I didn’t want to wait. I hate waiting.”

He remembered that about her and felt one side of his mouth curve. Her mother, Meg, had been an expert baker when they were kids and Emily had forever been burning her mouth on a too-hot cookie after school.

“You don’t owe me anything.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s true. You were good with Davey tonight. Before bed he told me he wants to invite you for a playdate.”

He chuckled. “I told you we bonded over plastic bricks.”

“His father never bonded with him,” she said with a strangled sigh. “Despite my brother’s best efforts, Noah has trouble engaging him.” She shrugged, a helpless lift of her shoulders that made his heart ache. “Even I have trouble connecting with him sometimes. I understand it’s the Asperger’s, and I love him the way he is. But you’re the first...friend he’s ever had.”

“He’ll do fine at school.”

“What if he doesn’t? He’s so special, but he’s not like other boys his age.”

“He’s different in some ways, but kids manage through those things. I didn’t have the greatest childhood or any real friends until I met your brother. I was too tall, too skinny and too poor. My dad was the town drunk and everyone knew it. But it made me stronger. I swear. Once I met Noah and your family took me in—”

“I didn’t.”

“No. You hated me being in your house.”

“It wasn’t about... I’m sorry, Jase. For how I treated you.”

“Em, you don’t have to—”