Protect and Serve

Terrill interrupted her. “Don’t worry about it, Penny. But a lot of time has passed. Maybe enough time…”

Carla came waltzing in the room, her mouth wide open and spouting her nonsense. “So you ended up sticking around. I would have put money on the other one being here.” She gave Terrill her irritating grin.

“No offense, but I always thought he was a better match for Brat, anyway. His folks certainly had more money. But I guess you rollin’ in the dough now, too. Big-time record company man and all! Ha! You the one hooked Brat up with them videos?”

An excited gleam crossed Carla’s eyes, and she clasped her hands together. “You think you could hook me up? I’m thinking of moving out to Cali with Brat. I need me a change of scenery. I’m getting tired of P-Town. And Cali-for-nia, knows how to par-ty. Cali-for-nia knows how to par-ty.” Carla did a little dance as she sang the Tupac lyrics.

Oh, no, the hell you aren’t! “Carla, you can give that one up. You are not moving to California.”

“Why not? Why you gotta be like that, Brat? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much, except give birth to your behind?”

“You have got to be kidding me, Carla. Just can it, ’cause I’m not the one. You can’t guilt me into taking care of you. You have never taken care of me. I don’t owe you anything.” Penny shook her head incredulously.

“I’ll help you settle Big Mama’s affairs and help you out so you can remain here and keep this place. However, when I leave here, the only thing you’re going to see from me is a monthly check. And if you keep tripping, you’re going to mess that up.”

“What do you think, Terrill? You think it’s right that Brat is gonna to throw her mama out to the wolves? She knows I need help. But she’s just gonna go on about her little life.” Carla had the nerve to let tears come trailing down her face.

“I think if you would stop calling your daughter Brat, she might be able to make her way past all the hurt you’ve piled on her through the years. And I think the two of you need to talk and come to a space of understanding.” Terrill gave Penny a peck on the cheek and placed his arm around her for a quick hug. “I’m going to head out. I’ll stop back by tomorrow to see how you’re doing. Maybe we can go to service at Mount Zion. Call me if you need anything.”

Carla shrugged, and her crocodile tears miraculously cleared up. “Hey, don’t forget about the videos. I think I have star potential,” she called after Terrill as he made his way out of the room.

Worried that her lips were going to remain stuck in the curled-up snarl she seemed to sport lately from being forced to tolerate Carla, Penny tried to form a smile.

It didn’t work.

“You aren’t moving to California. I’d move back to Paterson before I let you move with me.”

“So I guess you’re moving back to Paterson, then. Because I’m moving to California with you when you leave here. The sooner the better.”

Penny let out a sigh and threw up her hands. How did one reason with such an unreasonable person?

Chapter 3

The constant pressing buzz of the doorbell interrupted Penny’s argument with Carla. Penny made a mental note to thank the person who had the perfect timing to show up just when Carla was trying to figure out a way to make Penny take her to California.

Is it so bad that I don’t really want anything else to do with my old life? she thought as she snatched open the door.

Seeing Jason standing there answered her mental plea to the universe. Screw you, Penny. She couldn’t catch a break.

He’d changed from the suit he’d worn to the funeral into a pair of slacks and a short-sleeved silk dress shirt. Standing there leaning against the doorway, he gave off a definite air of sexiness that made her want to kick herself for even noticing. Even surly and sulking, the man was fine.

“Why are you back here?” was what she said. Why can’tthings be different between us? was what she wouldn’t allow herself to think. It was too late for them. There was no sense dreaming things could be different.

“Can I come in?” His square jaw and taut expression told her he wasn’t about to leave anytime soon.

That didn’t mean she couldn’t try. Penny dug in her heels and leaned against the door frame.

Big mistake.

That only brought her closer to him, and closer to his cologne. Musk with a hint of seduction never smelled so good. She moved back a little. But it was too late. The whiff had done its damage.

Dang.

She’d done her best to get over him through the years. She’d had relationships with other guys, but she’d always kept herself protected. She had a wall so thick and so tall around her, no one had been able to penetrate it. She liked it that way. It was so much safer.

The fact that seeing Jason again had the strength to drill holes in her wall and shake her foundation was unsettling, to say the least. She needed to do something to keep him away. She couldn’t go through what she’d gone through back then and survive whole. Putting herself back together after she had destroyed their relationship was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She had to continue to protect what was left of her heart.

“Why? Can’t you just leave me alone? I’m truly fine with you hating me for the rest of our lives and us never seeing each other again.” Her voice cracked as she said those words, and she barely stifled a wince.

She realized at that moment that she didn’t want Jason to hate her. Too bad what she wanted didn’t matter. Not anymore…

“Well, I’m not fine with it. You’re going to talk to me, Penny. You owe me this.” Jason pretty much elbowed his way past the crack in the door and entered the house.

“Hey! The other one is back! You just missed the third wheel. Or are you the third wheel now? I’m having a hard time keeping track of y’all’s little threesome.” Carla snickered and ran her tongue across her chipped front tooth before smirking.

Honor thy mother.

Penny cut Carla a glance meant to shut her up. But even as she did, she knew it was useless. From the time she was a kid, Carla had been finding ways to torture her and make her life miserable.

No way am I taking that woman back to Los Angeles with me.

The scowl on Jason’s face hinted that he didn’t find Carla’s antics funny, either.

Carla stuck out her tongue at Penny before turning to Jason. “I don’t know what you looking at me like that for, Mr. Policeman. I ain’t the one that’s been stringing y’all around for years. I told Brat she should have stayed with you instead of hooking up with that other one. But hey, he’s a big-time music man now, and he’s gonna set me up love-ly. Ain’t that right, Brat?”

Carla danced around and started singing the chorus to Lil’ Kim’s “Crush on You.”

One. Two. Three. Four. Fi—Aw, hell!

“Carla, leave us alone! Go do something with yourself.”

“Why you gotta be all—”

“Go!”

“Fine!” Carla turned to Jason. “You see what I have to—”

Penny put her hands on her hips and snarled, “Carla!”

“Fine, Brat!” Carla went stomping off up the stairs. A white slip hung clearly visible under the black dress Carla wore, and her pink house shoes scraped across the wood steps.

Penny watched her walk all the way up and sucked her teeth when one of the family photos fell from the wall as Carla stormed past. Penny would have to pick it up later, after she got rid of Jason.

She let out a sigh. “We can talk in the living room.” She turned and he followed her.

Too late to ask himself why he’d bothered coming back to Big Mama’s that evening. He was here now. Time to get his much-needed closure, once and for all.

Sitting in the room where he’d sipped on iced tea and talked with Big Mama each time he’d visited her, hoping she’d mention something about Penny, Jason started to wonder if he wasn’t just a little bit touched in the head. If the stony hostility bouncing off of Penny like shock waves was any indication, she probably wouldn’t be offering up what he needed.

If her taking him into the fancy formal living room with the floral, plastic-covered furniture offered any hint, then she had no desire to make him feel as comfortable as he felt when they were teenagers, hanging out in the den with the pleather sofas she hated.

She had her guard up. But what she didn’t know was that, as a detective, he’d become a pro at breaking down people’s barriers and getting them to tell the truth. It was time for her walls to come tumbling down.

“So, what do I have to do to get you to leave me alone, Jason?” Penny sat down on the sofa, and the plastic squeaked.

He sat next to her and got a strong whiff of her perfume. She still wore Beautiful. He remembered the Christmas during their junior year of high school when he’d given her the perfume for the first time, and his gut clenched. Gritting his teeth, he firmed his resolve.

“You could start by telling me the truth, telling me what really happened fifteen years ago. One minute we were having a baby and planning to get married. The next minute you had a miscarriage and I’m being told you’re in love with Terrill. You even went so far as to say the baby wasn’t mine.”

He felt his voice crack as a sharp pain laced his chest. The raw pain threatening to bubble up in his chest had to be squelched.

Penny’s copper eyes looked away and her stony gaze soon found a lot of interest in the shaking hands folded on her lap. “That’s pretty much what happened back then. So, again I ask you. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to look me in the eye and tell me what we had was a lie. I want you to look at me and tell me you had sex with my best friend. I want you to tell me the child wasn’t mine, that it wasn’t our baby. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you never loved me.”

Her hand moved to the tiny scar at the side of her right eye.

Jason knew that she always worried the scar whenever she felt under pressure or up against a wall. His eyes narrowed.

She was definitely hiding something.

Her lower lip trembled slightly, and she let out a soft sigh. “Are you a glutton for punishment or something? Why this sudden need to revisit and relive the past? We’ve been there and done that. I’ve told you all of this before. I don’t see the point in the constant repeating. So why don’t you just—”

He couldn’t let her finish, had to cut her off. “Why can’t you do it, Penny? Look at me while you cut my heart out. You owe me that. You didn’t look at me then. You kept your face buried in Terrill’s chest. I was too angry to think there was a reason why you couldn’t look at me.”

“There was no reason!”

“Then look at me, damn it!”

She lifted her head, and her ice-glazed eyes were pooling with tears. “You have no right to come in here and try and boss me around. I don’t have to answer to you, Jason. Get out of my house. I don’t want to see you…Just leave, please.”

Her bottom lip quivered again, and this time it was more pronounced. She appeared to be just on the edge of breaking.

He didn’t know if he wanted to see her broken. He could clearly see that she was hanging on by a thread.

Leaning forward, he cupped her face in his hand, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. He had no idea what he was doing or why he felt the need to touch her, to comfort her. But he had to, even though he was the one bringing her the stress.

Her lip shook even more, and the tears that had once been content to remain pooled in her eyes started their way down her cheeks.

His heart started beating faster, causing a powerful thud in his chest. It was official; he was the biggest jerk in the city…probably the state…most likely the entire country….

Letting his hand move to caress her cheek and wipe away the tears, he let out the breath he’d had no idea he was holding. “Put us both out of our misery, Pen, please.”

He sighed and placed his lips firmly over hers, kissing her with years of pent-up energy and frustration.

The startled gasp out of her mouth barely registered, and he used it as an opportunity to forge ahead with his tongue. He moved his hands and arms from her face to her back, pulling her over to him and scooping her into his lap. She felt so good against him. Every luscious part of her seemed to be made just for his hands, his only. He continued to taste and touch her even when she started to wiggle and tried to break away.

Penny placed her hands on Jason’s chest, pushing him away. Even as she attempted to do so, she couldn’t seem to get herself to stop kissing him. His taste was everything she remembered, multiplied over and over again. Lord, she could barely resist him.

Insane.

That’s what she had to be. She needed to get her behind on a plane to Los Angeles immediately.

The strength of his hold nearly took her breath away. His thighs felt like the perfect spot to rest her behind. What she wouldn’t have given to just be able to nestle closer to his rippling chest. His muscled arms wrapped around her felt so right. Yes, she needed to stop this now.

She made an attempt to close her lips, pursing them as she tried to finesse her way off his lap. All she managed to do was make him squeeze her tighter and cause him to nip and nibble on her bottom lip.

She opened her eyes and kept her mouth closed until he nipped her a little sharper.

His gaze, hooded in desire, said more to her than words could have at that point. And as if trying to prove just that, he only said one word. “Open.”

No way. She tried to push away.

He held her and nipped her lip again. His tug softened as he whispered, “Open.” It was more of a plea now.

The desire, the plea, they weakened her. Hesitantly, she yielded her lips to his demand. She wanted to kiss him forever. What did that mean?

It means you need to get your behind on the next plane to L.A.

His tongue plundered her mouth at will as his hands roamed her body. Before she knew it, she was beginning to writhe and moan on his lap. She couldn’t help it. Only when he halted the kiss did she get any semblance of control. Except for the panting breaths and the shaking body, she was the picture of poise.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you…Tell you what?” she panted.

Where had all the air gone? Why did it feel like such a struggle to breathe? What had he done to her?

“Tell me what I need to hear, Penny.”

Only a jerk would make her forget herself, forget she needed to protect her heart, forget it was too late, forget there wasn’t a future for the two of them.

Scooting off his lap and standing as best she could on shaky legs, Penny began to back away. She couldn’t look him in the eye and say those things. She just couldn’t. She couldn’t do it then, and she couldn’t do it now.

“Please leave, Jason. Now.”

“No. Not until you say it!” He stood up, too, walking toward her even as she backed way.

She blinked several times, and the tears really started to fall.

Oh, God, why won’t he just leave me alone!

Her eyes went wide, and her mouth opened and closed several times before she covered it with her hands, afraid of what she might say if she risked uttering a word.

She glanced around the room for an escape. Her eyes caught an old picture of herself and Big Mama, taken when she was ten. She was sitting on Big Mama’s lap, with two long pigtails and a big space where her two front teeth should have been. The grin on her face and the gleam in her eyes reminded her of the safety she’d always felt in Big Mama’s lap.

Her knees gave out from under her, and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Her shoulders shook and her body rocked back and forth as she held herself in a tight embrace, all the while keeping her gaze on the huge framed picture on the wall.

Big Mama was really gone.

Gone.

Closing her eyes, Penny let deep, painful moans leave her in quick succession. One after the other, each utterance seemed to carry its own special brand of pain.

Somebody was screaming, “No!” The loud, piercing screams seemed to shatter all the facades around her. For the first time in a long time, all of her shields were down and she felt vulnerable, bare.

The voice wouldn’t relent. It kept screaming, “No!”

She felt arms wrap around her, and she realized she was the one screaming. But she couldn’t stop.

He had pushed her too hard, and he could feel his heart breaking with each of her soul-piercing cries. He wouldn’t have known he still had a heart left to break, if he hadn’t felt the sharp shooting pain in his chest when she fell to her knees. He got up from the sofa, got down on the floor with her and wrapped his arms around her. As he held her crying, shaking body, he mentally chided himself for not picking a better time to confront her.

“I’m sorry, Pen. It’ll be okay. Just let it out, baby. God, I’m so sorry…”

Even though he figured he was probably the last person she wanted to comfort her, he knew he had to try. To his surprise, she actually leaned into his arms and buried her head in his chest. She was still sobbing, but at least she’d stopped screaming.

Carla came running down the stairs, so fast she almost slid into them. “What are you doing? What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything…” Not exactly the truth. “I think Big Mama’s death finally hit her and she cracked.”

The incredulous look on Carla’s face spoke volumes. She walked over to them and pushed him away. For a small woman, she packed a lot of punch. Not enough to really move him, but enough to make him get the picture—she wanted him gone.

“Get out of here. Leave her alone.” Carla dropped to her knees and reached for Penny. She pulled her until Penny fell into her arms. “I’ve got her. You can leave now. Get out!”

Penny wrapped herself into Carla’s arms. The older woman folded herself around her child and shot daggers at Jason as she did.

Soft, shuddering sobs still heaved from Penny’s chest, but it appeared as if she might be all right.

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