A Baby In The House

Her mother saw her distress and demanded, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

A tear slipped down her cheek and she swiped at it with the back of her hand. “I messed up big time, Mom.”

“Messed up how? You didn’t get fired, did you?”

She shook her head. “It’s not about work, Mom. I already told you that.”

“Then tell me what it is about. You’re sitting there looking as if you’ve lost your best friend. Is that it? Did you and Shannon have words?”

Krystal reached into her purse for a tissue and blew her nose. She knew there was no easy way to tell her mother and blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

In the blink of an eye her mother’s hand slapped her face, stinging her cheek. For a moment, Krystal was too stunned to move. Then she jumped up from her chair, grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

She expected her mother to come after her, to tell her she was sorry, that she’d reacted emotionally and she regretted it.

But she didn’t. For all Krystal knew she could still be sitting at the kitchen table. She certainly wasn’t making any effort to stop her daughter from leaving.

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Krystal climbed into her car and started the engine. And for the second time that day she felt as if she were running away from home.

CHAPTER THREE

WHEN KRYSTAL PULLED IN TO Carly’s long driveway she saw her sister sitting on the porch swing. Beside her was Emily, her four-year-old daughter. As soon as they saw Krystal’s car, they came running across the lawn to welcome her.

“I’m glad you came here,” Carly said, wrapping her in a sisterly hug.

It was the only place in Fergus Falls Krystal could go. Since she’d moved to St. Paul she’d lost touch with many of her friends. Most of them had moved away, but of the ones who remained, none could give her the emotional support that Carly provided.

As children they’d been like other close siblings, rivals one minute and best friends the next. Being older by fifteen months, Krystal had often played the role of protector, looking out for the smaller, more innocent Graham girl. It wasn’t until the emotional turbulence of adolescence that their roles reversed, with a calm Carly being the one who kept a watchful eye on an impetuous Krystal.

“Did Mom call?” she asked, although she already knew the answer.

Carly nodded. “I’ll tell you about it in a minute.”

Emily tugged on Krystal’s hand saying, “Auntie Krys, guess what? I get to go with Grandma.”

Krystal stiffened as she looked to her sister for an explanation.

“Relax. She means Joe’s mother,” Carly explained.

“I get to eat supper at Grandma’s, then go get ice cream at church,” Emily boasted.

“It’s an old-fashioned ice-cream social.” Carly then said to Emily, “Go get your backpack from the house. I think I see Grandma’s car coming.” As she skipped away she said to Krystal, “You didn’t tell me you were planning to tell Mom you’re pregnant today.”

“I didn’t know. I just got in the car and came up here on the spur of the moment.” She shook her head. “Boy, was that a mistake.”

Carly placed a hand on her arm, her eyes full of compassion. “Are you okay? You’re trembling.”

“I know. I should probably eat something. I haven’t had anything since breakfast except for a milk shake,” she told her, not wanting to begin a discussion with Carly’s mother-in-law in the driveway.

“I’ll make you something as soon as Joe’s mom leaves with Emily,” she said with a comforting pat on Krystal’s arm.

Krystal nodded and tried to act as if nothing was wrong as the three women made small talk. It was a typical August afternoon with the humidity making it feel much warmer than the temperature indicated. By the time Emily and her grandmother finally left, perspiration tickled the back of Krystal’s neck and she felt light-headed.

Carly noticed her paleness and looped an arm through Krystal’s. “Come. We’re going inside where it’s cool and I’ll get you something to eat.”

Carly’s house was definitely cooler than her mother’s, but then it was nothing at all like the homes in the trailer park. It was two stories of brick with tall ceilings, lots of windows, and a design that was as elegant as any of the model homes she’d seen in the cities. It had everything she and Carly had dreamed about as children, including a swimming pool in the backyard.

“Would you rather sit outside by the pool?” she asked when Krystal glanced through the patio door.

“No, this feels good.” As she passed the family room she saw a piano. “Where did that come from?”

“Joe’s parents bought it for Emily.” She nudged her toward the kitchen. “You sit while I make us some tea and get you something to eat. What sounds good?”

“Nothing,” she answered honestly.

Carly grinned. “I know that feeling. How about if I toast you an English muffin? I have some fresh raspberry jam.”

Krystal shrugged. “That’s fine.” She took a seat at the breakfast counter on one of the tall stools and watched her sister move about a kitchen that looked like something out of a magazine.

“So tell me what happened at Mom’s,” Carly ordered as she set two china cups on the counter.

“What did she tell you?”

“Not very much,” she answered, filling the teakettle.

Krystal knew her sister was being diplomatic. “You don’t need to worry about my feelings, Carly. I know Mom’s upset. I’m sure she sees my being pregnant as just another one of the many things I’ve done to disappoint her.”

“We both know she has high expectations of us,” she noted.

“Yes, well her expectations were met when it came to you. You have a beautiful house, a great husband, and an adorable daughter.” She sighed, not out of envy but because she knew it was the truth. Carly had fulfilled their mother’s dream for her. She, on the other hand, hadn’t even come close.

Carly frowned. “She didn’t drag my name into it, did she?”

“No, she didn’t say anything at all. There was no time. I blurted out, I’m pregnant, she slapped me and gave me this wounded look, then I left.”

Carly gasped. “She slapped you? She didn’t tell me that!”

“It’s probably not something she wants to admit.” The memory was enough to make Krystal’s eyes misty. “If there was one thing Mom never did to us when we were growing up it was hit us.”

“No, which means she must be really upset to strike you now,” Carly concluded.

“She’s upset? What about me? How does she think I feel?” They were rhetorical questions she didn’t expect her sister to answer. “The one time in my life when I could really use her understanding, she treats me as if I’ve shamed her.”

“You haven’t shamed anybody.”

“Tell that to her.”

“I already did. I’m on your side, Krys. You ought to know that. I always have been.” She reached for Krystal’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Thanks, but I don’t want to put you in the middle between me and Mom.”

“Isn’t that where I am anyway?”

Krystal nodded soberly. They both knew that their mother had put them in that position by setting “married with children” as a standard by which she judged her daughters. Krystal knew it made Carly just as uncomfortable as it did her, but there was really nothing they could do about it.

“Part of the problem is she takes everything so personally,” Carly continued. “As if every mistake we make is her fault.”

“You mean every mistake I make,” Krystal corrected her. “Let’s face it. I’m the one who was always getting into trouble. And she hasn’t liked one single boyfriend I’ve brought home.” Her voice broke as she struggled not to cry.

“I can sure tell you’re pregnant.” Carly handed her a tissue.

Krystal blew her nose. “I thought I was emotional before I got pregnant. Now it’s ten times worse.”

“Maybe it’s better if we don’t talk about Mom. Let’s talk about you.”

“Then for sure I’ll be mopping up the tears,” she warned her.

“Aw, come on. It can’t be that bad.” Carly came around to Krystal’s side of the counter and put her arm around her. “Where’s that ‘the glass is always half full’ sister of mine?”

“She discovered her glass is almost empty,” she said miserably.

“No, it isn’t,” Carly contradicted her. “You are going to be a mother, Krystal. That in itself is a miracle and a blessing.”

“I know, but right now I’m having trouble seeing the blessing part,” she confessed.

“Of course you are. It’s too early in your pregnancy for you to see this as anything but unexpected and scary. But you have a little person growing inside you. Someone who’s going to be so happy to have you for a mom.”

She sniffled. “Someone’s who going to wish I also had a husband.”

“Listen to me.” Carly grabbed Krystal by the shoulders and forced her to look into her eyes. “You don’t need a husband to be a good mother. And your baby has a father—a man you’ve told me is a good guy and one you know won’t turn his back on his child.”

Krystal nodded. “I know. I’m trying to stay positive about all of this, but it’s just such a big mess.”

“A mess that can be straightened out,” Carly stated reassuringly. “I know you want to wait until after Dena’s wedding to tell Garret about the baby, but I wish you’d do it now. You need to know what he plans to do. His reassurance that he’s going to be a part of the baby’s life would ease some of the stress you’re feeling. Plus then you wouldn’t have to keep this big secret from everyone.”

“You’re right. I will feel better once Garret knows, but I have to wait to tell him, Carly,” she insisted. “Do you realize what it’s going to be like at 14 Valentine Place when everybody hears of this pregnancy? Leonie’s the unsuspecting grandmother who lives downstairs, Samantha’s the unsuspecting girlfriend who lives upstairs, and Dena’s stuck in the middle trying to plan a wedding, one in which most of the Donovan family has a part. In a few weeks she’ll be married and it won’t matter what’s going on in the house, but for now I don’t want my problems spoiling what should be a happy time for Dena.”

“All right.” Carly hopped down off the stool to tend to the teakettle that whistled on the stove. “I won’t bug you about it again. Let’s talk about something fun. Tell me about the wedding. I want to know all the details. It’s not every day my sister’s a bridesmaid in a professional hockey player’s wedding.”

Krystal told her about the wedding shower and just about everything she could think of that Dena had told her about her plans, including the list of celebrities and professional athletes who’d be attending. It was the diversion Krystal needed to forget about the scene with her mother.

When Joe didn’t come home for dinner, Carly ordered a pizza for the two of them. By the time they’d finished, they were laughing and they’d forgotten the tears that had been shed earlier in the day. Even though she’d had the scene with her mother, Krystal was glad she’d driven to Fergus Falls for the day. Carly gave her something no one else could—a sister’s love and understanding.

When it came time for her to leave, she wasn’t surprised when her sister said, “I think you should go back to Mom’s. She cares about you, Krys.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of playing peacemaker between me and Mom?”

“Uh-uh. I love you both. And I know she loves you. And if you had heard her on the phone today, you’d know she does, too.”

Krystal sighed. “I’m not sure she’s ever going to speak to me again.”

“Of course she will.”

Krystal looked down at her fingers. “You didn’t see the look in her eyes when I told her I was pregnant.”

“You broke the most important rule she ever set for us. Do as I say, don’t do what I’ve done.”

“That’s why I thought maybe she’d understand where I’m at emotionally right now. I don’t need another critic. I have enough of them, but I could use a mother.” She hated that her voice faltered.

Carly placed a comforting hand on her arm. “Then don’t go home angry. Go back over there,” she urged her. “Mom will have had some time to think about this and to get over her initial shock.”

“You really think I should?”

Carly nodded. “The two of you need to talk.”

“I’m not sure we can. You know what Mom’s like. Did she show you the latest book she bought for me?” When Carly shook her head, she said, “It’s How To Marry Your Soul Mate in One Year or Less.”

Carly grimaced. “She just wants you to be happy.”

Krystal groaned in frustration. “She wants me to be married. How are we going to be able to have an honest discussion about my being pregnant?”

“You’ve got to try, Krys. For your sake and for Mom’s,” her sister pleaded with her. “You should listen to me on this one. I don’t have pregnant hormones messing with my emotions. You do.”

As difficult as it was, Krystal took her sister’s advice and went back to the trailer park. When she got to her mom’s, there was no one home. Krystal figured she’d gone to the candle party with Edie after all.

She found the spare key under the clay pot with the red geraniums and let herself in. Feeling a craving for something sweet, she opened the freezer, grateful to see that her mother hadn’t changed. Inside was a half gallon of her favorite ice cream—mint chocolate chip. It was Krystal’s favorite, too.

She ate two scoops, then stretched out on the sofa. She turned on the TV, trying not to think about what lay ahead when her mother returned.

Only her mother didn’t return. At eleven Krystal looked up Jilly’s number in her mother’s address book.

“Hi, Jilly, it’s Krystal. I heard you were having a candle party tonight. My mom isn’t still there, is she?”

“No, Kryssie,” the older woman replied. “She never came to the party. Edie said she went with a friend to hear some band play over in Alex.”

Friend meaning man, Krystal deduced, since if it had been one of her girlfriends Jilly would have said her name. It didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to wait and find out, because with her mother it was always the same old story.

Krystal got in her car and drove back to St. Paul. The house at 14 Valentine Place was in darkness when she arrived. She was glad. What she didn’t need was to find Samantha and Garret in the kitchen at two in the morning. She used the side entrance and quietly climbed the stairs to the second floor, relieved to find her room was once again the haven it had always been. She shed her clothes and crawled into bed.

KRYSTAL AND HER MOTHER HAD argued in the past, but never had they gone for more than a day or two without talking to each other. Now more than a week had passed without any communication between them. Krystal had called and left several messages after returning home, but now with each passing day, it became more difficult for her to pick up the phone, especially when she wasn’t sure if her mother would hang up on her.

But it wasn’t only the possibility of her mother rejecting her that kept her from calling. Pride stood in the way of her making a peace overture. Normally Krystal wasn’t one to hold a grudge, but lately nothing seemed normal when it came to her emotions.

That’s why, when she arrived home from work on the day of Dena’s bridal shower and found her mother sitting in Leonie’s kitchen, she found herself angry. She struggled to keep her feelings in check, unsure what had transpired between her landlady and her mother, who sat with their heads together over coffee.

They looked as comfortable as if they were the best of friends, which shouldn’t have surprised Krystal. Leonie had a way of making guests feel at home in her kitchen. Krystal could only hope that Leonie’s empathetic nature hadn’t evoked any great urge on her mother’s part to pour her heart out on the subject of her daughter’s pregnancy.

“Mom! I didn’t expect to see you here.” Krystal could feel Leonie’s eyes on her and she hoped she didn’t sound as uneasy as she was feeling.

“Isn’t it a lovely surprise?” Leonie asked with her usual cheerful grin.

Lovely was not the adjective that came to mind for Krystal. Scary was more like it. In less than two hours the house would be filled with people showering good wishes on Dena, and her mother had chosen today to visit. Since she rarely drove to the city, Krystal wondered if she’d come to scold her or to reconcile with her.

“We’ve been getting to know each other better,” Leonie said as she rose to get a refill of coffee.

Krystal eyed her mother suspiciously, wondering what she’d said to her landlady. Had she told her they’d been fighting? Or worse yet, had she revealed the reason for the tension between them? Judging by Leonie’s jovial expression, Krystal didn’t think she had.

“Leonie told me you’re giving Dena a bridal shower tonight,” Linda commented.

Krystal nodded. “Yeah, and I have a lot to do before the guests arrive, so I should go upstairs.”

“Maybe I can help,” her mother offered.

It was her peace offering and Krystal knew she should behave like a grown-up and accept, but she’d discovered that during pregnancy her moments of maturity had a way of escaping when she least expected it. “No, I’m fine. I can manage.”

She could see she’d shocked Leonie. Her landlady leaned over to her mother, patted her forearm and said, “That’s very sweet of you to offer to help, Linda. We can always use an extra pair of hands in the kitchen.”

Only Krystal knew that her mother’s smile was forced. “Just give me an apron and tell me what to do.”

To Krystal’s dismay, that’s exactly what her landlady did. Her mother listened intently as Leonie launched into a description of the melon baskets and vegetable crudités they were going to serve. Krystal felt as if the rug was being pulled out from under her feet. She needed to talk to her mother and she needed to do it soon.

“Mom, maybe before you get started down here you could come with me upstairs. I have the party favors in my room and we still need to decorate the great room, too.”

“No, you don’t,” Leonie told her. “Lisa was over earlier today and took care of the decorating. Wait until you see what she’s done. She has white paper streamers everywhere and lots of balloons.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely,” Linda beat her to a response. “I’d love to take a look.”

“Go ahead,” Leonie instructed with a wave of her arm. “It’s just down the hall and around the corner.”

Krystal suppressed her sigh of frustration. “We can take a look when we bring the party favors down from upstairs.” She motioned for her mother to follow her out of the kitchen.

She planned not to say another word until they were in her room, but at the top of the landing her mother said, “Your landlady’s a nice person. She’s very easy to talk to.”

Krystal turned to face her. “Just what did you tell her?”

“Nothing about—” she paused, then lowered her voice to a near whisper “—your condition.”

Krystal heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank God. My life is enough of a mess without having Leonie upset with me.”

“Oh, I see. It’s okay for you to have your mother upset with you but not Leonie?” she snapped.

“No, it’s not okay, but I’m not the one who hasn’t been returning phone calls this past week,” she shot back.

“I had my reasons.”

“And they would be…” she prodded.

“This hasn’t been easy for me, Kryssie.”

“And you think it has been for me?” She didn’t want to sound defensive, but that’s exactly how she felt. “You know, this really isn’t the best time to be having this conversation. I’m supposed to be getting ready for the shower. Why did you come down here today of all days?”

“Because I don’t want the next week to be like this past one has been. This nontalking has got to stop.”

“I’m not the one who hasn’t been talking!”

Aware that Dena could come home at any time and find the two of them arguing on the landing, Krystal pulled her mother by the arm into her room. She didn’t bother to ask her to sit down, but stood facing her, her hands on her hips.

Her mother stated the obvious. “I know you’re angry with me.”

Krystal folded her arms across her chest. “How do you expect me to feel? You wouldn’t even listen to me when I came to see you.” She hated the way her voice quivered when she spoke.

“I know and I’m sorry. It was just such a shock hearing that you’d done the one thing I’d prayed you’d never do. I thought I’d raised you to have values.”

“I do have values. I’m pregnant, not morally bankrupt, and if the only reason you came here was to tell me I’ve done a bad thing, I got the message loud and clear last week.” She wished she could express herself without getting so emotional, but she was dangerously close to tears. “A stinging palm on my cheek, not coming home, not returning my calls… I believe I know exactly what you think of me, Mom.”

“No, you don’t, and I am sorry. For everything, but especially for slapping you. You know how I feel about mothers hitting their children. I’ve always taken pride in the fact that I raised you and Carly by myself yet I never laid a hand on either of you. I was ashamed of what I did.”

Krystal could hear the regret in her voice, see the sadness in her eyes. “Then why did you do it?”

Linda shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it was because I saw myself in you.”

“Mom, I’m not a teenager who got caught having sex.”

“No, you’re a grown woman who should have known better.”

It wasn’t anything Krystal hadn’t said to herself a hundred times, but she didn’t need to hear those words from her mother. “You know what, Mom? I should have known better but I didn’t. I messed up.” She threw up her hands. “There. I’ve admitted it. Are you happy?”

“No, I’m not happy.”

“Well, that makes two of us because I’m not happy, either. I’m scared. Damn scared. And it would be nice if I could talk about that with my mother instead of feeling like I’m the world’s biggest loser of a daughter.” There was no stopping the tears. They flooded her eyes, shook her shoulders and wrinkled her face. She turned away, but within a few moments she felt a pair of arms around her.

Her mother pulled her close, soothing her with the same words she’d used so often when she was a child. “There, there, now. It’s going to be all right.”

“I don’t think it is, Mom. I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she sobbed into her shoulder.

“You’ll figure it out,” Linda said reassuringly. “And I’ll be there to help you.”

“Do you mean that?” Krystal asked on a hiccup, straightening.

“Of course I do.” She handed her a tissue. “That’s why I’m here.”

Krystal tried to smile but failed. She swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. “We shouldn’t be talking about this now. I have to get ready for the shower.”

“Then we won’t talk about it anymore,” her mother said with a maternal authority. “Now stop crying so those splotches go away.”

She glanced in the mirror and moaned. “Oh great! My eyes are all puffy.”

Her mother scrutinized her swollen lids. “Do you have any cucumbers?”

“I’m sure Leonie has some, but I don’t think I have time to sit with them on my eyes. I’ve too much to do.”

“Then we’ll have to think of something else.” Linda gave her a gentle shove. “You go get in the shower and let me get started on your to-do list. What should I do first?”

“The party favors have to be taken downstairs.” She gestured to the tray on her dresser that was covered in tiny champagne cups filled with candies. “Mom, you have to promise me you won’t mention my pregnancy to Leonie or anyone else you meet tonight.”

Linda made a sound of indignation. “Of course I’m not going to say anything.”

“Good. This is Dena’s night. I can’t seem to even mention the baby without getting weepy and if there’s one thing I don’t want to do, it’s spoil the bridal shower by being a wet rag.”

“Doesn’t anyone know about the baby?”

“Dena does, but she’s the only one. Are you planning to stay the night? You can sleep on my futon if you want,” Krystal offered.