His Girl Next Door: The Army Ranger's Return / New York's Finest Rebel / The Girl from Honeysuckle Farm

If Bella hadn’t kept insisting it was a date …

Argh. The word kept circling her brain like an eagle hunting prey. It wasn’t a date. So why—the more she thought about the word—did it seem she was trying to convince herself of a cold-edged lie?

Jess parted the blinds to look out at the street. She watched as a couple of cars passed. The third one slowed then pulled up outside her house. Her hand dropped away, as if she’d been burned.

It was like this morning all over again.

Except this time she didn’t want to run from the scene. This time she wanted to run into his arms.

She growled at herself. She needed to stop listening to Bella.

But despite all her reasoning to the contrary, her promises to herself, the truth was that she was tempted. He was going away again soon. And she was attracted to him. So if he was interested in her like that then didn’t she owe it to herself to have a good time?

The logical part of her brain was telling her no. That his friendship meant too much to throw it all away. To even risk the possibility of something happening.

But the other part? That was telling her to have fun. To let her hair down for once. To enjoy the company of a man who didn’t know any of her baggage, her past. Who didn’t want to treat her as if broken glass was shattered over her skin, like he could hurt her.

That part knew that maybe, just maybe, this was an opportunity to be herself. A woman who wasn’t afraid of moving forward and having fun. For the short term anyway.

Jess straightened her shoulders and ran her hands down her jeans. She wasn’t going to wait for him to knock this time. Her poor heart couldn’t handle it.

It had been a long time since Ryan had felt like he couldn’t settle his nerves. His career depended on it. When he was deployed, he always kept calm, had a confidence and calmness that saw him through any scenario.

So when Jessica walked out onto the porch and gave him a half wave, before turning to lock the door, he was taken by surprise. It felt like someone had placed a steady hand around his throat and squeezed, just for a moment, to make him gasp for the next gulp of air. Made his mind scramble, as if he were incapable of utilizing the rational, functioning part of his brain.

Jessica had to fiddle with the lock and it gave him time to watch her. This girl who’d meant so much to him for so long.

He’d known he would feel close to her, but he hadn’t expected this. He’d thought she would be a normal American girl, just another person in the world. The kind of girl you’d pass in the street and not necessarily notice.

How wrong he’d been.

Her hair was messy, as if she’d spent hours at the beach to put the wind through it and then played with each strand through her fingers. It was tousled and slightly curly, falling below her shoulders. Her skin was golden, as if the sun had just been allowed to skim it, and … He gulped.

Looking any further wasn’t going to help him. The curve of her backside in her denim jeans, the silhouette of her upper half in her summery top.

He swallowed again, hard, when she turned to face him. Jessica was smiling, her full lips pulled back to show off white teeth, eyes slightly downcast as if she was a touch embarrassed.

Any thought of her being “just a friend” fled his mind.

It wasn’t because he’d been away serving. It wasn’t because he hadn’t been around women in a long while.

It was simply Jessica.

She did something to him, scrambled his brain and made his body jump, like he’d never experienced before.

Ryan leaped from the car. He couldn’t have moved faster if it had been on fire. It was like his brain and his body were finally capable of acting as one.

“Hey.”

Jessica’s cheeks were touched with the lightest of pink blushes.

“Hey,” she said back.

He walked forward, wanted to kiss her on the cheek, but felt awkward. They stood, watched one another for a moment, before he stepped back.

Idiot.

“Let me get the door.” Suddenly he was all nerves, more thumbs than fingers as he walked around to the passenger side.

She walked past him and ducked to get into the car. “Thanks.”

He grinned at her, he could feel the goofy smile on his face and was incapable of doing anything to remove it.

Jessica looked up at him, her own face open, expectant.

“Let’s go grab some dinner,” he said.

She nodded at him, before he closed the door.

Ryan walked slowly back around to the driver’s side and tried to pull himself together. He had possibly the most beautiful woman he’d ever met sitting in his car, waiting for him to be charming, expecting the person she’d met on paper, and he could hardly string a sentence together.

Jessica had looked good earlier today, but he hadn’t had the chance to just watch her and drink her in.

He got in the car and pulled on his seat belt.

Ryan could feel her, smell her, sense her beside him. He made himself look over at her and smile. Ignored the insistent thump of his pulse, or his heart near beating from his chest and tried to act relaxed.

“We doing that ‘start over’ thing again?”

He smiled at Jessica’s joking tone.

“We don’t need to start over.” He turned the ignition. “It was just, well, kind of weird meeting after knowing each other on paper for so long. Don’t you think? We both sort of overreacted.”

Jessica sighed. “Thank goodness we’re on the same page.”

He laughed at the same time she did. Their eyes met and they laughed some more. It was as if all the worry had vanished, the knot of uneasiness in his stomach had been untied. Just from hearing her laugh, knowing she felt the same way.

“Excuse the pun,” Jessica managed to say, when they’d stopped laughing.

Ryan resisted the urge to reach for her hand, to make a connection with her. It was so unnatural for him to even think like that, but with Jessica it felt natural.

“We’re going to have a good time tonight.”

She leaned back in her seat, body angled to face him. “I think so, too.”

Ryan chanced a quick glance at his passenger. She was looking out the window now.

He dragged his eyes back to the road.

Maybe coming home was the best thing he’d ever done.

Jessica smiled. She couldn’t have wiped the grin from her face if she wanted to.

This morning, she’d been a bundle of nerves. She hadn’t been much better this afternoon. But seeing Ryan again, being with him, something about it felt so right. They shared an understanding, had a bond that was hard to describe.

And Bella had been right.

She was attracted to him.

It didn’t mean she wanted something to happen between them. But maybe she did have to listen to her friend. She’d been celibate for well over a year now, had pledged not to put her heart in harm’s reach or let someone else suffer because of what she might have to go through in the future.

But if Ryan was only here for a short time, who was she to say no to a romantic fling?

Jessica glanced over at Ryan, watched his strong hands grip the wheel, his jaw strong and angled and freshly shaved.

There was nothing not to like about him.

So if she couldn’t get hurt or hurt him in return, what was the harm in admitting it?

CHAPTER FIVE

Dear Ryan,

I still can’t believe we grew up so close together. Not much has changed here since you’ve been gone, well at least not that I can think of. I often wonder about traveling, but I’m such a homebody. I like being surrounded by family and doing the same old thing, but sometimes, well, sometimes I think it would be nice to run away for a bit, even for a week or two. Step out of my life and be someone else, just another traveler in a foreign place. Jessica

“I THOUGHT YOU said nothing much had changed around here.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow as he looked at her before diverting his gaze. He was looking at a new electronics store, which was certainly not the restaurant he’d been expecting.

“Hmmm, maybe I hadn’t realized quite how long you’d been away.” She bit her lip to stop from smiling.

“I can’t believe the little Italian place has gone. It was my favorite.” He sighed and put the car in gear again. “When I was away I’d dream of their bruschetta and pasta, or watching their pizzas come out of the oven while we waited.”

Now he had her mouth watering.

But, hang on …

“Do you mean Luciano’s?”

Ryan’s eyes flashed. “Sure do.”

Jessica fought the urge to laugh again. The look on his face was priceless. “It might not be as good, but do you mind if I choose where we go?”

Ryan shrugged. “Sure.”

“Turn left up here, then keep going straight.”

He obeyed, pulling the car back out into the traffic.

“You go to this place often?”

Jessica shook her head. “No, but I’ve heard about it.”

“Up here?”

“Yep, keep going and then pull into any spot past the next set of lights.”

When the car was stationary Jessica grabbed her bag and opened the door. She had gotten the hint earlier that Ryan was a little old-fashioned about manners, but she couldn’t wait to get out. To lead him to the restaurant. There was no time to wait for him to get her door.

“So where exactly are we heading?”

Ryan had one hand slipped into his jeans pocket. He looked strong, completely unflappable. He had dark eyebrows, and they were pulled together now, as if he was wondering what to say to her. His almost-black hair was tousled, just-got-out-of-bed messy. Not the cropped soldier look she had expected. There were two buttons of his shirt undone, the sleeves were rolled up to expose his forearms, and his tanned, soft skin was doing something to her insides. To her brain.

Jessica forced her eyes from him. Drinking in the sight of him was way too easy to do.

“This way.”

He followed. They fell into step beside one another. It was weird, this feeling that she was out with a friend, yet the pair of them behaving somehow like it was more of a date than a casual outing.

“Ryan, can I ask you a question?”

He glanced at her as they walked. “Shoot.”

“You’ve only just come back, but your hair is, well, normal. I thought you’d have a buzz cut.”

Ryan laughed. “Not in special forces. Well, not all the time.”

Now she was confused. “Huh?”

He had both hands pushed into his jeans pockets now, his long legs going slow so as not to outwalk her.

“We often have to look the part, you know, fit in wherever we’re posted.”

She liked how comfortable the air felt between them. Like they could talk about anything. That’s how it had always felt when they wrote to one another, like they could open up about whatever was troubling them. No matter what.

“Let’s just say you wouldn’t have recognized me when I was away this time. I had a full beard and my hair was long and shaggy.”

“What!”

“We often have to blend in. The last thing you want is your buzz cut marking you as U.S. Army. That way we’re in less danger, because we’re not likely to create attention. I have to go completely undercover as a sniper sometimes, and that usually means making sure no one notices me.”

Jessica giggled. She couldn’t help it.

“So you looked like a hobo?”

Ryan nudged her, bumped his arm into her shoulder.

Jessica kept her eyes downcast, was too afraid to look up. His touch, the strength of his upper arm as it skimmed hers, made her stomach flip.

“Slow down.”

He did.

Jessica indulged in the pleasure of closing her hand over his forearm, let the warmth of his skin tingle through hers. It had been a long time since she’d touched a man, and even longer since the feel of another human being had made her feel like this.

“We’re here.”

The restaurant had a full glass frontage, a podium outside with the menu displayed and the unmistakable red-and-white checked tablecloths of an Italian restaurant.

“This isn’t …”

Jessica squeezed his arm and dragged him inside.

“Luciano’s.”

Ryan stopped and stared into the restaurant. She loved the wide smile on his face, the way his eyes were dancing. Seeing happiness in another was something that never ceased to warm her heart.

“Wow.”

“Not quite the little old restaurant you remembered, but let’s hope the food hasn’t changed.”

She went to walk inside but Ryan’s grip stopped her. Suddenly it was him holding her, his skin possessing hers rather than the other way around.

“Thank you.”

Jessica refused to drop her eyes, to look at his hand. She made herself be brave, didn’t let her nerves stop her. Because she wanted this. She didn’t want him to think she didn’t.

“No problem.”

Ryan stared at her, his eyes never leaving hers for what felt like forever.

“Table for two?”

Jessica turned, the spell broken. A waiter stood before them in the doorway, menus in hand.

“Ah, sure.”

She felt Ryan follow her, his big body close behind hers.

She glanced at him as they sat at a small table in the corner, tucked near the window. He smiled.

And she knew then that everything had changed.

Because from the look on his face, the way his eyes looked like a storm was brewing but at the same time sunlight was shining through them, made her realize that maybe he was having the same internal battle she was.

That they were supposed to be friends and yet within a few hours the goalposts had moved.

But it wasn’t just a new set of rules. It felt like a new game entirely.

One that she hadn’t played before. Or at least not in a very long time.

Ryan sat back and studied Jessica.

He was confused. More than confused. He had no idea what he was doing or what he should do, and it wasn’t a feeling he was used to.

This woman was doing something to him and he was helpless to stop it happening. In fact, he didn’t want to stop it. With everything else that was going on, with his son and his arm, this was a pleasant distraction.

He watched as she glanced up, long lashes hiding her eyes when she quickly looked back down.

She was as nervous and uncertain as he was, there was no mistaking it, and it felt good. He liked that she was unsure, too. He was as confused as a guy could get over what was happening here, so he couldn’t have handled her being Little Miss Confident. Her shyness made him want to step up and protect her, but not like it had been with his wife near the end.

He never wanted to feel helpless like that again. Like no matter what he did he couldn’t protect the person he loved. That he was useless and not strong enough to make a difference, to save that someone.

With Jessica it was different. He wanted to protect her, the animal within him wanted to growl like a tiger and keep her to himself, but it wasn’t because she needed protecting.

Jessica was strong. Healthy. Happy.

All he needed to do was enjoy her company, and humor the alpha inside of him that wanted to be released.

Ryan grinned when she glanced up at him again.

“Seen anything you like the look of?”

He didn’t miss the instant flush as it hit her cheeks.

“Ah …”

He shook his head. That had come out all wrong. From the look on her face, she liked what she saw as much as he did when he watched her.

“I’m going to go with good old spaghetti bolognese,” he said.

Ryan watched as she let out a breath and placed her hands over the menu.

“Meatballs for me, please.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Good choice.”

They watched one another. For a heartbeat that seemed like forever. Until she spoke, as if scared to just sit there and not say anything.

“How did you get on with George this afternoon?”

Ryan shook his head. “Not great. He’s still not talking to me.”

She smiled. “You’ll get there with him. Have faith.”

Faith. He’d kept the faith his entire time away, but at times, well, when he thought about his late wife or the way he’d run from his family, he wondered if he had any at all. What he’d seen away serving, what he’d had to witness, had made him question everything he’d ever known or believed in.

But sitting here with this sweet, charming woman now … it made him want to believe all over again. That he could be the man he’d been before experiencing loss. Before serving his country for so long.

That maybe, just maybe, before he went back the next time to rejoin his unit, he could be the man he’d like to be again in the future.

“Jess, about earlier today …”

“Water under the bridge.” She put her hand up. “I asked for a chance to start over already, now you’ve had one. Consider us even.”

He smiled at her; it was all he ever seemed to do when he was with her.

“Seeing you, well, emotional like that, it reminded me of a time I usually try to forget. I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” he apologized.

She reached out to touch his hand, the softest of touches, but enough to tell him that she was there for him. That she understood. “You mean your wife?”

Ryan swallowed what felt like a solid piece of gum in his throat. It shouldn’t be so hard to go back there in his mind, not after all this time, but whenever he thought of the end, of what had happened, it was as if his mind put up an impenetrable shield.

“What I saw my wife go through took something from me.” He paused. Jessica’s hand was still hovering. “I couldn’t ever go through seeing someone I care about experience that kind of pain again. Cancer is like a snake, it sneaks up on you, and once you’re in its grip I don’t know if you can ever be released.”

He watched as Jessica’s face froze. Only for a second, but he saw it. Saw something cross her eyes and her mouth, something that he couldn’t put his finger on.

Her hand rose then fell back to his again, before she pulled it back entirely. Her face was back to normal but something had made her waver.

“I didn’t know your wife died of cancer,” she said.

Ryan nodded. Had he never told her in all those letters how she’d died?

“Seeing someone you love battle with it, well, I can’t think of anything worse a person could go through.”

The smile she gave him was tight, strained, but he’d probably just made her uncomfortable. Bringing up terminal cancer as a subject made people react differently. He should have realized that.

“Ryan, didn’t you mention something about bruschetta before?”

His mouth watered. “Sure did.”

“Why don’t we share it? See if it’s as good as it used to be.”

Ryan raised his glass, pleased to see the sparkle back in her eyes, that sweet, natural smile back on her lips.

“To old times,” he said.

“To friendship.”

They clinked their glasses together, before he took a long sip of red wine from his.

It was good. Better than good.

This whole night felt great.

“I’ll only say yes to bruschetta if we can finish the night with gelato,” he teased.

Jessica sat back, wineglass tucked in her hand. “You’re lucky I like my food.”

They both laughed.

He’d done the right thing, inviting her out tonight. If they stayed just friends, then he’d be happy. But if something more happened … Ryan took another sip of wine before leaning in closer to Jessica across the table.

If something else happened then he wasn’t going to say no.

He’d have to be a stronger man to resist. And after years of not being interested like this in a woman, it felt seriously good.

Jessica smiled at Ryan as he attempted to cut a huge piece of bruschetta, piled high with tomato, onion and basil. Her insides felt kind of fluttery, her brain kept firing her warning signals that she was electing to ignore, but she was still enjoying herself.

Hearing Ryan open up about his wife, hearing the dreaded C word … it had rattled her. She knew he’d noticed the look on her face, seen the blood drain from her skin temporarily, but she’d managed to recover fast enough that he hadn’t called her out on it.

But still. Cancer? Part of her was pleased she’d never told him. After the way he’d talked about what he’d gone through, talked about what he never wanted to go through again, it had been clear he might not be sitting with her right now if she’d been honest from the beginning. He might not have even wanted to write to her if she’d told him.

But her chance to confess, to share what she’d been through, had passed. There had been a moment, a tiny window of opportunity, where she could have stopped him and told him what had happened to her. But she hadn’t.

And she had no intention of telling him now. Maybe not ever.

“Jessica?”

She looked up. Ryan was watching her.

“This is delicious.”

Jess reached for the large piece of bruschetta he had sliced off for her. The smell of the balsamic alone had her mouth watering. She could feel him watching her as she took a bite, trying to be dainty but struggling given the portion size.

“Mmmmm.” She finished her mouthful. “You’re right, it is delicious.”

When he smiled at her, before finishing what was left on his plate like it was no more than a snack, she knew deep down that she couldn’t tell him. If he was only here for a short time, who was she to be the one responsible for turning that happy smile into a frown? Why should her problems—health problems she’d dealt with on her own—be a reason not to have fun with him?

It wasn’t like she was embarking on a long-term future with the man. They were friends, and friends kept their secrets sometimes. It just so happened this was one she didn’t want to share with anyone who didn’t already know about it.

“More wine?”

Jessica internally shrugged off her fears and eliminated all thoughts of Ryan’s earlier words.

This was about having fun. Enjoying herself with a handsome soldier who would be back with his unit before the year was out.

“Please,” she said recklessly, holding up her glass.

Ryan tipped the bottle of red and filled her glass to the halfway mark.

She took a long, slow sip, and leaned across the table toward him. “Tell me all about the guys you serve with. I want to know what it’ll be like for you going back to them.”

Jessica twirled her fingers around the long stem of her glass as Ryan sat back, his body relaxed against the chair.

“I don’t know how exciting a story it is,” he protested.

She shook her head, laughing as he grimaced. “You’re not getting off that easily, and we’ve got all night.”

“So gelato, huh?”

Ryan laughed. He seemed to do a lot of that around her.

“Believe me, when you’re hot and sticky in the desert, thinking about gelato is like torture.”

“And now you finally get to indulge.”

He passed her the waffle cone before reaching back for his own. They were only a few blocks from where the car was parked, close enough to walk.

“Good?”

“Mmmmm.”

Jessica was too busy swirling her tongue around the Italian ice cream to answer. She just kept making the noise in her throat to indicate how tasty it was.

Ryan gulped and tried to focus on his own dessert. But dragging his eyes from her mouth, from her tongue and the way her eyes were dancing as she watched what she was eating …

She looked up.

Whoops. Caught out like a dog trying to sneak a leg of lamb from the kitchen bench.

He watched in fascination as this time her throat worked slowly, swallowing, running her tongue over her lips then letting her hand drop lower as if she’d forgotten the gelato completely.

Ryan wanted to look away. He tried, he really did. But he found his body moving instead, toward her. The look in her eyes tormented and taunted him, pulled him into her web. He had to fight not to drop his cone to the ground.