In God's Own Time

“Sure, honey. Take your time.”

Kelsey watched Lissa walk away, his eyes thoughtful. “Are you sure you want to, Meg? Get more involved, I mean. My youngsters are a demanding lot.”

“Girl talk is a favorite indulgence for the females of the species, don’t you remember, Kels?” she said, making light of the situation. “I don’t mind.”

“All right. At least you’ve been warned. Now come on round back.”

Meg had been to the small farmhouse many times, but it seemed a lifetime ago now—when Dee Dee had been a part of it all. The old house had taken on a personality of its own, she decided, and lost some of Dee Dee’s precise touch Children’s clutter decorated the tiny front porch and straggly ivy and begonias peeked from a huge overgrown pot on the step. Beyond the screen door, she spotted the edge of a TV set crowding the opened living room door.

Kelsey, however, guided her to the backyard. An old charcoal grill smoked gently near the weathered picnic table under the oak tree, the smell of wieners and beans permeated the air.

The back screen opened and all five kids ran out.

“Dad, Thad’s hogging the last of the dill pickles,” Aimee complained “Make him share ”

“I called ‘em the other day.” Thad hugged a jar close against his chest.

“That’s enough, Thad. Put the pickles on the table and get the cordless phone for Meg.”

“Dad, that’s not fair. I called—”

“No arguments tonight, and do as I asked. We have a guest,” Kelsey reminded.

Thad opened his mouth to protest; at his Dad’s expression, he changed his mind. But not before he sent Meg a silent glance of resentment. It hurt just a little. Meg wondered what she’d done to trouble the boy. But how could he be upset with her when they barely knew each other?

Maybe that was it; she’d made a fuss over the girls but not the boys. Something she’d have to remedy

Meg made her call and relaxed when Kathy told her that Audrey had a couple of friends visiting and assured her she wasn’t needed at home Audrey, though a little petulant, accepted her explanation, and Meg promised to look in on her mother before retiring

The children urged her to the barn to see the 4-H projects.

Meg oohed over the boys’ bull, Fred, and listened to all his finer points and did the same for the girls’ sheep, Betsy Ross, dutifully patting and admiring.

“I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know much about farm animals,” Meg said for Kelsey’s ears only as they trooped back to the house.

Kelsey chuckled. “And you actually admit to such shame after growing up in America’s heartland?”

“Well, I have only a cat. Besides, I’m a town girl. I didn’t grow up with farm animals if you recall.”

Meg’s father had been an unassuming man content to be a small-town lawyer, never expanding his practice beyond himself and one clerk But when he died just after she’d graduated college, he surprisingly left her mother well enough provided for, and she and her brother Jack each had a small nest egg for their futures.

“What of those visits to your grandparents’ farm you and Dee Dee used to talk about? They had animals, surely. And all those state fairs you attended with Dee Dee and me, visiting the animal exhibits? I seem to remember you loved the fair.”

“Oh, I did. It was one of summer’s highlights. But then, it would be, in a small town, wouldn’t it?”

“Big-city girl now, huh? Only a cat?”

“Umm-hmm. Jasper. The only four-legged animal in my life.”

“Well, back then, you sure made the rounds of the animal pens and sat through endless hours of judging as if you knew a thing or two.”

“Fooled you, didn’t we?”

“We?”

“Dee Dee and I only sat through all that to please you. We really liked the carnival rides best. And the lop-eared rabbits. They always resembled story book creatures from Winnie the Pooh.”

“You insult me, Meggie! How could you lead me on so?”

Meg couldn’t help it She giggled as though she were Lissa’s age.

“It was easy You were always so excited about everything to do with farming and working the land. The newest animal breeds, the newest machinery, the latest methods.”

“Now wait a minute. Didn’t you even like the homemaking stuff? The cooking and sewing and all that? You won something or other one year, didn’t you?”

Meg grinned. “You got me there. Yes, I did get a blue ribbon for my fudge. Grandma Hicks’s recipe. But I haven’t made it in years ”

“The big city has ruined you!” he said in mock horror.

“That’s right. I’ve forgotten any rural connections I once might’ve yearned for.”

“Poor baby!” He threw an arm around her shoulders, hugging her to his side in a display of fondness she’d long missed. Funny…no other man had ever affected her the way Kelsey did. She loved his banter, felt young and appreciated under his bigbrother attitude. Yet she’d always hungered to know what his lips felt like in a lover’s embrace.

“Did you hear that, kids?” he called as they reached the back porch, letting his arm drop. “Aunt Meg is suffering from malnutrition.”

“What’s that?” Heather asked, piling chips on her plate.

“It’s starving till you die,” replied Phillip, already munching on a hot dog. “Dad, can we get the marshmallows?”

“Lissa’s getting them,” said Aimee, handing Meg a paper plate filled with a hot dog and beans. “C’mon, Aunt Meg. After we eat, we’ll teach you how to roast marshmallows on the grill.”

“Starving? Didn’t anybody feed you supper before?” Heather asked, her feathery brows drawn with perplexity.

“Your Dad’s just teasing, honey. I’ve been taking care of myself perfectly well.” Meg slid onto the picnic bench, and Kelsey followed.

“Uh-huh,” Kelsey said with a snort as he squirted mustard from a squeeze bottle onto her wiener before doing his own. “Taking care of yourself? All you’ve had for nurturing are tall buildings, harsh concrete and high fashion with nothing to keep you company but that dry, lifeless stuff of crunching numbers. You’ve been deprived of your roots, Meggie. How have you survived without a little earthy visit now and again to feel alive?”

“Oh…I’ve managed.” She bit into her dog. More than managed, if he only knew. She had a side to her that he’d never known.

True, Meg had missed considerably Missouri’s rolling hills, Ozark Mountains, the rivers and easy accessibility to green open spaces, but she’d discovered in herself a rare talent for growing a different kind of crop than what Kelsey produced. Money. Lots of it. Heaps of it.

As she silently munched, listening to the children’s exchanges, observing Kelsey’s gentle rule over the table, she thought about her career. It did surprise her.…

Meg had a gift for investment banking. She understood it, the industry talked to her. Her ability to recognize good—even fabulous—investments could only have come from the good Lord, Himself, she thought, because she seemed to be the only one in her family to have it. Jack, following their father’s lead, had gone into law, but rather than settle for a small-town existence, he’d taken his degree into the St. Louis corporate world. He did fine for himself and his family, but Meg knew her brother wasn’t into making a fortune.

No one knew just how large her own investment portfolio and bank accounts had grown, either. It wasn’t something her family discussed as a rule, other than her mother occasionally asking if she was making ends meet all right. Meg hadn’t flaunted her ability, Clive knew, but only because they worked so closely together

But as for a connection with the land, the kind her grandparents had known, and as Kelsey did…no, that hadn’t been her path. It might have been if Kelsey—

Meg drew a sharp breath and let it out slowly. It was time to go home! Spending time with Kelsey and the kids was making her loopy. Wonderful and miserable at the same tume.

Meg stared at the children, now shuffling for a space around the charcoal embers, with marshmallows stuck onto the long ends of their sticks. It would be so easy to become too attached to them. To suffer heartbreak all over again when she had to leave.

“Lissa,” she said suddenly, “why don’t you walk me to the car. I really need to get going.”

“Sure, Aunt Meg.”

“So soon?” Kelsey said. “I’d hoped we could talk after the kids went to bed.”

“Some other time, Kelsey. I promised I’d be home to tuck Mom in.”

“Of course.” Did she detect real disappointment in her refusal to stay longer?

“Well, thanks,” he said. “Thanks for spending the day hauling my daughters around—and for all the clothes and things. Kids?”

Five young voices made a chorus of various responses.

“You’re very welcome. We did have fun, didn’t we, girls?” Meg said, smiling. “We shall do it again sometime.”

She said good-night, and Lissa fell into step as they walked to her car. The fourteen-year-old was quiet.

“Was there something in particular you wanted to discuss with me, Lissa?”

“No, not really…”

“Mmm…”

“It’s just that I don’t have anyone to talk to about grown-up stuff.”

The night sounds had begun; crickets chirped and mosquitos buzzed. A soft breeze whispered through the oaks by the house.

“There’s always your Dad.”

“Yeah, I know. But sometimes he’s too busy and he doesn’t…well, he tries, but—”

“A girl needs another woman, I suppose Is that it?”

“Uh-huh. But not just any woman! Once he suggested I should talk to Sydney’s mom, can you imagine?”

Meg hesitated a moment before answering. If Kelsey were thinking of Linda in those terms, it wouldn’t help matters if she fostered more dissatisfaction in the girls. “Lissa, I don’t remember Linda Burroughs very well. What is it you don’t like about her?”

“Only everything!”

“Oh-oh. That bad, huh?”

“Yeah. She criticizes all the time and thinks she knows all about how I feel when she doesn’t. And she thinks I should wear the same kind of dorky clothes Sydney wears I couldn’t stand it if Dad got, you know, seriously serious about her ”

“Well, perhaps you should tell your dad how you feel about Linda.”

“I ‘spose so, but it’s hard to find time without the other kids around. And sometimes Dad’s just not in the mood, you know? Then there’s always so much to do! I mean—” Lissa bit her lip. “I’m sorry, Aunt Meg. I don’t mean to complain so much, but—”

Meg made a shocked sound. “Oh, my, my, my! Here I thought I’d met the perfect teenager.”

Lissa erupted in the desired giggles, and Meg joined her.

“I’m serious, Aunt Meg.”

“It’s all right, Lissa. I’m not kidding, either. No one expects you to be perfect. Even though I thought you were when you were little.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m so glad you’re home. I always remember good times with you. And Mom and Dad always talked about you with lots of love and stuff—you know?”

“Yeah…” Meg’s heart turned over She remembered, all right.

“So, Aunt Meg, I was wondering if—that is, Aimee and I talked it over, and we thought maybe you might be tired of—of living on your own?”

“What do you mean, on my own?”

“Well, maybe you’ve come home to stay?”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Lissa. I have a great job that I like very much, and I don’t think my mother will need me after a few weeks. I’d just get in her way and make her nervous.”

“Not that. I mean. .Aimee and I thought…we’d hoped—”

Lissa stood very still and held her breath, a peculiar expression fluttering over her face.

“Lissa? What is it, hon?”

“Aunt Meg, would you marry my dad?”

Chapter Four

Meg sucked in air, wondering if the fragrance of the honeysuckle vines resting against the old board fence next to her car could cause hallucinations. Surely she hadn’t heard right.

“Um, Lissa…”

“Please, Aunt Meg, just listen. Please? I’m seriously serious.”

“Well, I—” She swallowed hard.

“You said you like Daddy, didn’t you? You did say it! You think he’s really special, remember?”

“Yes, I do think he’s special, and yes, I like him very much.” Meg’s heart raced at the vast understatement. If only Lissa knew…“But, Lissa, there’s a lot more to marriage than merely liking each other.”

“But that’s a start, isn’t it? Dad likes you, too. He was all excited when he found out you were coming home. I could tell.”

Kelsey excited about her homecoming? Her mouth went dry as her mind whirled with the thought.

“And you like us kids, don’t you?” Lissa nudged.

“Oh, I do…yes, indeed I do. But Lissa—” Her mind tumbled over what to say. “I think Thad and Phillip might not return the regard. And Heather…”

“Don’t worry about Thad and Phillip, Aunt Meg. They’ll love you just as much as Aimee and I do, once they get to know you better.”

Aimee skidded to a stop in front of them, out of breath and flushed. “Did you ask her?”

“Aimee! What are you doing here?” Lissa questioned in an urgent whisper. “I told you to keep the rest of the family busy. Where’s Dad?”

“Keep your shorts on, will ya?” Aimee hissed back. “The boys went to the barn, and Dad said he had some calls to make. Heather’s playing with her new doll we bought today. That’ll keep her busy till bedtime. Anyway, how about it, Aunt Meg?”

Meg studied the eager young faces in the growing dusk. She had the silliest feeling of wanting to laugh and cry at the same time, remembering her own earnestness at their age. But sometimes a girl of a certain age could be just as earnest about something completely different a week later. “You girls can’t be, um—”

“Uh-huh, yes, we are. Majorly serious,” Aimee insisted.

“You don’t want to marry anybody else, do you?” Lissa asked in a suddenly alarmed tone. “I mean, Aunt Audrey said you were dating that English guy, but—”

“Well, no. No, I don’t plan on marrying anyone.”

“Whew! I thought for a minute—” Lissa sighed.

“Well?” Aimee pushed. “What do you think? Isn’t it a great idea?”

“I don’t think you know what you’re asking,” Meg began slowly, staving off hysterical laughter with gritty determination. “You can’t just ask someone to marry your dad out of the blue. He has to do that for himself.”

“But we want you to be our new mother, Aunt Meg,” Aimee pleaded. “And it isn’t out of the blue. We’ve been thinking about it for a long time. You were Mom’s best friend and she wouldn’t mind. Honestly. And Dad needs you, too.”

“Aunt Meg doesn’t think the boys like her,” Lissa said.

“But they just don’t know you very well, not like we do. And I know Heather can be a pain sometimes.” Aimee made a face, admitting, “She’s spoiled.”

Then Aimee’s face brightened, her brown eyes glimmered with a new thought. “That should tell you how much we all need you, Aunt Meg. You can unspoil Heather for us. And if you marry Dad, you can move back to Missouri! You want to, don’t you?”

Meg nearly gurgled her laughter. “I’m not so sure about that one.”

“Aunt Meg, you’re absolutely, positively the only right woman to marry Dad,” Lissa said in a no-nonsense tone. “Please, please, just think about it.”

“Why do you say that, Lissa? What makes you think I’d make your dad a good wife? And mother for you all?”

“Because Aimee and I prayed for you, don’t you see? The minute we heard you were coming home, we went to The Boss. We asked Him for you. I mean…Aimee and I don’t want that Linda Burroughs, for heaven’s sake. If Dad married her, everybody would be seriously miserable.” She tucked in her chin and shook her head. “I mean seriously miserable.”

“Your dad might not think so” Meg suddenly felt exhausted. Her emotions had run amok all day and in the last few moments they’d been through hoops. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

She had to consider that Kelsey might be in love with Linda. Though he hadn’t said anything or even hinted at it. But then why would he? And when would he have had time?

“Dad doesn’t want her either, really,” Lissa assured. “It’s just that she keeps calling him and stuff like that.”

“Besides,” Aimee airily enthused, “now you’re home, there’s no reason for him to go out with her anymore.”

From the house’s open windows she heard a telephone ring. Insistently. Where was Kelsey? He’d gone inside to make calls, Aimee had said. Yet no one answered, and although Meg couldn’t hear what the answering machine said, she heard the low murmur of Kelsey’s recorded voice.

Her nerves went on overload. Perhaps one of his calls was to Linda Just maybe he’d waited for her to leave to speak to the woman who was now in his life.

“I really have to go, girls.” Opening the car door, she slid into the seat. “My mother will be in a tizzy if I’m not there soon.”

“You’ll think about it, won’t you, Aunt Meg?” Lissa begged.

“Please?” asked Aimee.

“Umm…” was all she could manage. How could she not think about Lissa and Aimee’s wild, improbable proposal?

Think? Or dream? And wonder what Kelsey wanted, or who?

Meg made her escape quickly, feeling if she remained one minute longer she’d be signed on the dotted line of a marriage contract—even a motherhood contract—before she could breathe out the words I love you.

She just wished Kelsey’s daughters weren’t so completely charming. Her enchantment with the kids only added to the fanciful possibilities her overworked longings had already created. Never mind the drawback of needing to win over the boys; it wouldn’t keep her dreams from soaring.

Sleep? Not much of it tonight, Meg suspected.

As the compact’s taillights disappeared down the drive, Kelsey remained still as a statue near the dark living room window. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, hadn’t intended to horn in on his daughters’ adolescent desire to talk with a mother figure.

He just hadn’t figured on his children asking Meg to be their mother.

He felt caught between sheer dumb shock and the need for bellyaching laughter. He’d had no idea his children wanted another woman in their lives so much. But not just any woman, he reminded himself. Meg.

He did know they didn’t much care for Linda, though. But how had they become so desperate about it all?

Had he been so casual in accepting Linda’s invitations that he hadn’t given the entire matter his proper attention? He’d only thought of Linda as another lonely adult looking beyond their children for occasional company. He’d never felt romantic toward Linda, never indicated he had anything but friendship on his mind. The question of marriage had never come up. Or even hinted at, from his end of things.

His two oldest children astonished him. Imagine, suggesting to Meg…! Telling her not only of their own need, but his. Asking…

And then he did imagine. Meg!

His Meg, cousin by marriage, pretty and sweet-tempered in a way that was seldom seen in this day and age. Yet a nineties woman for all that, smartly intelligent, efficient and seemingly tireless.

It hit him somewhere between his heart and his gut.

How impossible was it? His kids needed a mother, all right, all five of them. A full-time ever-present big-hearted woman. Who better than Meg? Meg, whom he knew, liked—even loved as a friend.

He wouldn’t give a thought to how badly he needed a wife. Someone to offer warmth and love. Some nights—Well, it was just as well he didn’t dwell on how empty he sometimes felt, how lonely his bed. But he wasn’t about to marry just anyone in order to fill it.

As needy as his body sometimes felt, Kelsey couldn’t bring himself to engage in a casual affair, either. He didn’t want to, couldn’t think of making love in a careless, meaningless fashion with someone who meant little to him—something he’d be ashamed for his kids to know.

But Meg Lawrence wasn’t just anybody. She was…

Well, she was Meg!

Kelsey made a turn around the darkened room before finally lowering himself into the big chair. He leaned his head back, his thoughts and emotions in a swirl.

Dee Dee had been the love of his youth, and he wasn’t ready to leave her memory behind yet. Or ever.

Besides that, any woman who came into his life would have to realize he was already on overflow as he tried to balance his and his children’s lives right now. Who—what woman in her right mind—would want to marry him with five little rowdies to curtail?

And what would she get out of it? His affection? He wasn’t sure, other than his own physical needs, if he had any love left to offer a woman.

But Meg would know all that without any explanation, his heart murmured. She had been so much a part of them all those first years. Asking Meg to marry him would be like asking a part of himself to come home.

Stunned at that sudden thought, he rose to pace the room once more. The children’s voices drifted to him through the open windows; he should call them in to bed. Instead, he leaned on the window sash and listened to the night sounds, wondering about the new thoughts and growing excitement noting through his system.

Slow down, he told himself. Just because Lissa and Aimee want it to happen doesn’t mean it will. Or should.

He had to think about this logically. Why would Meg even consider giving up her career? A highly successful one, according to Audrey Lawrence. If Audrey could be entirely believed, Meg was the star player in her firm. Audrey exaggerated sometimes, but still—

Could he ask Meg to give that up? Where would he find the unmitigated gall?

He circled the room again, picking up and putting down an industry magazine on raising beef cattle, finally turned on the corner lamp over his computer, knowing he had to update his files, stared at the pile of unfolded laundry on the couch and once more listened to the distant voices of his children. He should urge them to bed soon.

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to rob them of all their childhood; he’d let them stay up a little longer and sleep late tomorrow. Even though he couldn’t

He’d have to leave Lissa in charge again while he worked. He’d tried part-time housekeepers, which was all he could afford. At the beginning of the summer he’d let go of the last one.

Yes, and the house showed constant neglect, with the laundry always behind, and too many meals of hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, and frozen pizza. And Lissa and Aimee had less freedom to be teens all the time. Though he thought he could hold off his worry about Aimee a little while longer, Lissa already talked of the school’s homecoming dance this fall, and he hadn’t a clue how to parent a girl child who’d reached the age of raging hormones and daily temptations.

Furthermore the house needed a coat of paint, his south fence should’ve been replaced last year, and Thad had barely passed fifth grade math. He hadn’t the time to coach him no matter how he stretched his day. Phillip…he felt decidedly guilty about his second son; Phillip was so quiet most of the time he was scarcely noticed. That couldn’t be good.

The children cried out for a mother. He wanted a wife.

The more Kelsey tried to shake the idea of asking Meg to marry him, to come and make harmony from his chaotic days, to share with him the raising of his needful children, the more the idea mushroomed.

And he knew he’d likely get little rest until he had an answer from Meg.

He finally rang the back door cowbell, three shakes, signaling the kids that it was bedtime, and set his mind to catch up with his accounting before midnight.

But he knew he was going to do it. Ask Meg.

Lord, where do I find the courage? he prayed.

He laughed, suddenly, a little harshly. Why he even bothered the Lord, Kelsey didn’t know. God had better things to do than to listen to Kelsey’s grumbles or hopes and desires. He’d found that out a long time ago. He’d have to figure out where to find courage on his own.