A Baby To Save Their Marriage

He waved his hand. ‘Now you’re just being ridiculous.’

‘No. No, I’m not. And don’t worry about your business. Harry will deal with everything. He’s more than capable.’

‘And how do you know that?’

She sighed. ‘Because I spoke to him before we left. He knew that once you got here you’d have no phone, no Internet.’

Caleb looked stunned. ‘What? Harry knew?’

She started to walk away. She’d had enough of this. ‘Of course he knew. Seems like he didn’t think it was such a bad idea. And you can stop checking your phone for emails or messages. There are no signal towers out here. I’m actually surprised Harry messaged you at all.’

Caleb shook his head. ‘Earlier? In Tahiti? It wasn’t Harry. It was Reuben.’

She couldn’t help it. She raised her eyebrows. She always did that when she heard this name. ‘Reuben Tyler? What did he want?’

Caleb shrugged. ‘He needed somewhere to stay. His flat’s got asbestos in the roof. I told him he could stay at ours.’

Her mouth fell open. ‘You did what?’

He seemed surprised. ‘What’s the big deal? We’re not there. The house is empty.’

‘Oh, no.’ Now she started pacing. ‘The house isn’t empty. Lara. Lara’s in the house.’

Now Caleb looked confused. ‘Why would Lara be in the house? I never saw her.’

Addison spun around. ‘She appeared just before you did. Seems she went home and found her boyfriend in bed with the neighbour.’ She threw up her hands. ‘This is what I’m talking about, Caleb. She was right there. Right there sitting in our kitchen. You didn’t even notice.’

He frowned. ‘Reuben will be expecting the place to be empty. That’s what I told him.’

‘And Lara will be expecting to have the house to herself. She needs a bit of time to sort herself out. The last thing she needs right now is Reuben Tyler. She won’t even know who he is.’

Caleb shook his head. ‘Well, it’s too late now. They’ll both be in the house and according to you we have no way to get in touch.’

Addison cringed. He was right. There was no way to get in touch. The world seemed to love Reuben Tyler but she didn’t. Probably because she’d walked in one night just as he’d taken a swing at her husband. Caleb had said it was nothing. But it wasn’t nothing to her.

‘There’s really no Internet?’

‘We’re back to that again?’

He nodded. She could see the stress on his face. It was practically emanating from his pores. Part of her felt a tiny bit sorry for him. It was like going cold turkey. But there was nothing he could do.

She folded her arms across her chest. ‘There is no Internet, Caleb. It’s four weeks. Live with it.’

He took a deep breath and turned towards her. His brown eyes fixed on hers. It was the first time in for ever that he’d really looked at her. Really looked at her.

‘What’s going on with you, Addison?’

She blinked. ‘What’s going on with me? Are you serious?’

Why did every conversation feel as if it ended up as a fight?

‘Yeah, I’m serious. I can’t believe what you said to me back home.’

‘And I can’t believe you came home from work an hour before we were due to leave and thought you would tell me you weren’t coming on holiday. At what point in your life did that seem okay to you?’

‘Everything is a fight with you these days.’

He’d just echoed her thoughts. She thought this was all him. Was he trying to imply it was her too?

It lit a fuse in her. How dared he? Didn’t he know what she’d just been told? Didn’t he understand how worried she was?

Of course he didn’t. She hadn’t told him yet.

And at some point she’d need to.

Just not yet. Not until she knew.

She didn’t want to tell him about the pregnancy. She didn’t want to tell him about the scary news. She didn’t need her husband to feel sorry for her. She needed him to love her. To love her enough to feel as if he could be there and support her.

Telling him about the pregnancy right now could make him tell her everything would be fine. And knowing Caleb, he’d probably think it would be. Then he’d go right home and start working hundred-hour weeks again.

She needed more than that. She needed more for this marriage.

‘How can everything be a fight when you’re never there?’

He sighed. ‘You work too. There’s been nights when you’ve been busy too. There have been events you’ve had to go to—people you’ve had to meet.’

She nodded her head. ‘You’re absolutely right. But the difference between you and me is that, when I know I’m going to be out at night, I make sure I’ve spent time with Tristan during the day.’

‘That’s easy for you to do.’

‘Actually, it isn’t. But I make the time.’

She bit her lip. Everything was a fight between them right now. And she hated that.

‘Always fault-finding, always criticising. Can I ever do anything right in your eyes these days?’

And it looked as if this was going to become a fight too.

Trouble was, she was just too tired for this. She wasn’t sure if it was the travel that had exhausted her, or the pregnancy. She could remember at this stage in her pregnancy with Tristan she’d come home from work and go straight to bed. In those days, Caleb would just come to bed with her.

She turned away. She just wanted to sleep now. She couldn’t even be bothered changing out of her swimsuit.

‘You gave me an ultimatum.’ His voice was quiet, almost whispered. It was as if he was still getting over the shock. ‘Why would you do that? It was just straight out of the blue.’

She stopped walking. Her hand was on the door. From here she could see that Tristan was already sleeping. She hadn’t even got around to putting the DVD on. That was fine. She would just climb in next to him.

She kept her voice low too. ‘It wasn’t out of the blue, Caleb. This has been building for the last few years. We’ve slipped away from each other—we’ve lost each other...’ her voice started to break ‘...and I’ve had enough. I can’t live like this any more because I don’t feel as if I’m living.’

She glanced over her shoulder. ‘This is it for us, Caleb. I chose this place deliberately because I didn’t want Tristan and I to compete with your work any more. Some people think this place is paradise. You? I think you’ve barely noticed. We came here because I wanted to see if we had anything left worth saving. Because right now—I just don’t know.’

She took one final look. He looked as if she’d just punched him in the guts.

So she turned, and went to bed.

CHAPTER THREE

CALEB COULDN’T SLEEP. He should be sleeping after twenty hours’ travel and staying up since they’d arrived but after the conversation with Addison, sleep was nowhere near him.

It felt as if she’d stuck a knife into his chest and twisted it.

But more importantly it was obvious that she didn’t think this marriage could be saved. How on earth had he reached this point? Had he been sleepwalking through life not to have noticed how his wife felt?

Tristan and Addison were sleeping in one of the double beds together. He’d tried to sleep in the other with no success. Then, he’d tried the bed in the water bungalow. But the gentle lap, lap of the water underneath had only kept his mind buzzing. In the end, he’d ended up on the beach.

They’d probably spent a fortune on this holiday and he was sleeping like a beach bum. But the air seemed stiller out here. And although there was still a background noise from the lapping waves, it didn’t seem as amplified out here.

He couldn’t sleep because he was gripped with panic. Panic that life as he knew it was just about to slip through his fingers.

Work was still preying on his mind. At one point in the middle of the night he’d actually opened his computer and started working on something. But after half an hour he’d realised the futility of his actions. By the time he’d got home Harry would have worked on another version of this. It made no sense for him to do the same thing. But that didn’t stop his fingers drumming on the table in irritation.

He couldn’t help it. Working had almost become a compulsion—an addiction. How sad was that?

He wasn’t sure he even knew how to relax any more. Just sitting annoyed him. His brain constantly revolving, thinking about the work-related things he could be doing.

Part of him was angry at Addison for forcing this on him.

Part of him understood the point she was trying to make. If he had an Internet connection he probably wouldn’t have seen the sun set or rise again. He probably wouldn’t have watched the fishes swimming underneath the glass panel under the coffee table.

He probably wouldn’t have had time to wonder what he could say to his wife to make her change her mind.

She seemed different. Distant. As if she had a hundred other things that she wasn’t saying to him. And to be honest, what she’d already said felt like enough. He didn’t know how he’d cope if she said any more.

A waiter appeared at the beach bungalow carrying a large tray. Breakfast. Was it that time already?

Caleb nodded as the man set the loaded tray down in the kitchen and left again. Eggs, bacon, croissants and breakfast cereal for Tristan. Addison must have pre-ordered all this. He glanced into the bedroom. They were still sleeping.

He jumped in the shower and quickly changed. He wasn’t sure quite what Addison expected today. He hadn’t paid enough attention; he didn’t even know what there was to do around here.

He stood at the bedroom door for a minute. Even sleeping, she looked stressed. The bedclothes were all messed up and it was obvious she’d tossed and turned all night. That wasn’t like her. Addison used to sleep like the dead. He used to joke that a marching band could come through their house in the middle of the night and she wouldn’t hear it.

Tristan was lying halfway across his mother’s chest in his superhero pyjamas. Caleb’s heart gave a squeeze. When was the last time he’d had a chance to see them like this?

It had been too long. She was right about the Christmas carol stuff. He’d had every intention of being there. But just as he’d been about to leave he’d received an emergency call from Singapore. One of their investors had taken unwell and he’d been asked to contact the family urgently. It had taken fourteen phone calls to track down his son and by the time he’d finally left the office Tristan’s concert was already finished. He’d sat in the car park outside, looking at the darkened building and cursing himself that he hadn’t got there on time.

He walked over to the bed and gave Tristan a little shake. ‘Hey, superhero. Wake up. It’s breakfast time and we’ve got a beach to play on.’

Bing. Just like that he was wide awake. He jumped down from the bed and ran through to the bathroom. Addison’s eyes flickered open. Just for a second she looked fine. Then, whatever it was that was on her mind seemed to come flooding in again. He could almost see the shutters coming down.

‘Breakfast is here,’ he said. ‘I’ll take Tristan through.’

She gave a nod and turned away, climbing out of the bed and slipping on her dressing gown. This wasn’t how they used to wake up. Before Tristan, some days they hadn’t got up at all. When Tristan was a baby they used to bring him in beside them in the morning. He’d coo and smile quite happily, with not a single bit of guilt that he’d kept them up most of the night.

But those days were long gone. Caleb got up at five these days and was in the office for six. He didn’t even recognise the breakfast cereal sitting on the kitchen table. He picked it up and stared at it.

‘My favourite!’ shouted Tristan, pulling himself up onto one of the chairs. ‘What’s the toy?’

‘Let’s see,’ said Caleb, sitting down next to him and opening the pack. A horrible plastic spider dropped out onto the table. Tristan let out a shriek and jumped up laughing. Caleb started laughing too. Within a few minutes the breakfast cereal was scattered everywhere and the bowls upturned as they played ‘catch the spider’.

By the time he looked up Addison was standing in the doorway, watching Tristan and smiling. ‘What’s all this noise?’

Tristan lifted his prize. ‘It was a spider this time, Mum!’

‘Oh, no! Not a spider.’ She came over to the table and sat around the other side. ‘Well, I’m not sitting next to a spider.’

She stared at the covered plates for a second. It was almost as if the silver domes lost her in thought. But she blinked and removed them. The smell of bacon and eggs filled the room.

Caleb lifted up the cups and coffee pot and started pouring.

‘Oh, no. I’m going to have lemon tea instead.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘But you love coffee.’

She shrugged. ‘I’m on a health kick.’

He sat down opposite her and picked up his knife and fork. ‘Skinny latte with sugar-free caramel, skinny extra shot macchiato.’

The edges of her lips started to turn upwards.

‘Skinny cortado, skinny mocha cortado. Shall I keep going?’

She rolled her eyes as she poured boiling water into her cup and added a slice of freshly cut lemon.

‘You know what they say—too much caffeine makes a girl cranky.’

He couldn’t help but smile. There was definitely an atmosphere between them. How could there be anything else after what had happened? But things didn’t seem quite so antagonistic this morning.

‘This from a woman who had a state-of-the-art coffee machine installed in our kitchen because...’ he leaned across the table towards her ‘...and I quote, “it’s got to be cheaper than the ten cups I buy a day from the coffee shops”.’ He pointed to her cup. ‘And now you’re drinking tea?’

‘A girl’s entitled to change her mind.’ The words came out like lightning—just the way Addison usually was. But as soon as she’d said them her face fell. Almost as if she realised how they could be interpreted.

Had Addison changed her mind about him?

Tristan chose that second to ping his plastic spider across the table and straight into Addison’s cup.

‘Yow!’ She stood up as water splashed all over her. It was the first time he’d noticed she’d barely touched her breakfast.

She held her hand out towards Tristan. ‘Let’s go and get ready.’ She looked up at Caleb. ‘There’s a kids’ club every morning for a few hours. Playing with other kids will be good for him. He’ll be back with us every afternoon.’

Work. It was the first thought that shot across his mind.

Addison walked away holding Tristan’s hand, her outline silhouetted by the sun streaming through one of the windows. Her hair might be tied up in a funny knot on top of her head, and she didn’t have a scrap of make-up on, but his wife was still a stunner.

So, why was it, when he knew Tristan would be gone every morning, his first thought had been he could work?

He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. Five years ago that absolutely wouldn’t have been the first thought on his mind. His mind would probably have gone in a whole other direction.

He was embarrassed to admit that thought—even to himself.

He stood up and walked through to the bedroom. ‘I’ll take him.’

‘What?’ Addison looked surprised; she was pulling some clothes for Tristan out of the drawers.

‘If you point me in the right direction, I’ll take him to the kids’ club. You can stay and get showered and dressed.’

‘No.’ It was out before he’d barely finished speaking. ‘I mean... I haven’t seen the kids’ club yet. I want to check it out. To make sure I’m happy to leave him there.’

His annoyance flared. It was almost as if she didn’t trust him to be able to do that. To take Tristan to the kids’ club and make sure it was okay. But he tempered it down. The last thing he needed to do today was have another argument. He picked up the clothes she’d looked out. ‘In that case, we’ll do it together. I’ll get Tristan dressed while you shower.’

She hesitated for second, then nodded. ‘Okay, I’ll be ready in ten minutes.’

She grabbed a dress and some underwear and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

It was the little things. The little things he was starting to notice. She didn’t used to close the door when she showered. On past occasions he’d joined her.

But today, it felt like just another sign that Addison was shutting him out.

He sighed and dressed Tristan, taking him out to the beach when he was ready. But Tristan pointed to the clear blue sea. ‘Can we see the fishes?’

‘Sure.’ Caleb took his hand and led him along the walkway and into the over-water bungalow. They pushed the coffee table away and lay down next to the glass panel. There was a small piece of coral underneath and it was alive with activity.

‘What’s that one, Dad? The red and white one? And what’s the blue one? It looks like Dory. Do you think we’ll see Nemo too?’

Caleb shook his head and stared down at the gorgeous brightly coloured fish. He didn’t have a single clue what any of them were. A large one swam past right underneath their noses. It was turquoise blue with pink stripes and little dashes of yellow. It looked like a painting Tristan would do at nursery. It was followed by a few much smaller, zebra-striped fish.

‘I like that one,’ said Tristan. ‘Can we give it a name?’

Caleb smiled. ‘Sure we can. What will we call it?’

‘Tristan,’ he suggested.

Caleb tried not to laugh. ‘We’ll have to see if we can buy a book somewhere to tell us what all the fishes are.’ He looked around. ‘And there are lots of boats. Maybe one day we can swim along the coral reef and go snorkelling.’

‘What’s snokling?’

Caleb laughed. ‘It’s where you go under the water and breathe through a little tube. You have a pair of goggles on so you can see all the fishes.’

‘We can go and swim with the fishes?’ Tristan looked mesmerised.

‘Sure we can. Daddy will find out how today.’

Tristan’s innocent gaze narrowed. ‘You won’t forget?’

Something twisted inside him. That was what his four-year-old associated with him—Daddy always forgetting his promises?

‘I won’t forget,’ he said quickly. It felt like a kick somewhere painful. There was something horrible and uncomfortable about his little boy asking him that question. It was one thing for Addison to call him on his misdeeds, it was quite another for his four-year-old.

But there was something else. His brain was still spinning. Review a contract, phone that client, check the small print on another contract, speak to their lawyer about an impending business deal. He moved uncomfortably and glanced around. His shoulders were tense. His little boy was playing around him and his mind was still full of work things. Work things he could do nothing about.

So why were they still there? Why were they still running through his brain? Why couldn’t he just relax and spend time with his son? Was it possible he’d forgotten how to relax?

There was a movement out of the corner of his eye. Addison was standing in the doorway, carrying Tristan’s backpack in one hand. She was wearing a short red sundress and had a pair of sunglasses on her head.

She knelt down next to them and pulled some suncream out of the backpack, slathering it over Tristan’s skin as he squirmed. When she finished she pulled a baseball cap from the backpack and stuck it on his head. ‘Right. Let’s go and see the kids’ club.’

It was odd—walking away from a place and not locking all the doors behind you.

They strolled up the path towards the main resort. There was a variety of palm trees and green bushes with the occasional burst of bright red and orange flowers. The whole resort seemed to have been planned to perfection.

The kids’ club was through the main reception and next to a small kids’ pool. It was shaded, with a variety of toys, ranging from chalk boards, to racing cars, a complete tiny wooden house and a table for arts and crafts. There were four other kids all playing already with two play leaders. One of the play leaders came over straight away. ‘Hi, I’m Kohia. Is this Tristan?’

Tristan nodded. ‘How did she know my name, Mummy?’

Kohia knelt down. ‘I know all the special boys and girls that are coming to play here.’ She handed a clipboard to Addison. ‘We need you to answer a few questions about Tristan’s medical history, any allergies and likes and dislikes. After that we’re good to go.’

Caleb looked around. Everything seemed fine. The area was clean and tidy, the kids looked happy and the play leaders seemed to know what they were doing. Addison handed back the clipboard and waited a few minutes to make sure Tristan was settled. He was instantly distracted by a painting session at a nearby table. Kohia gave them a wave. ‘Come back around one o’clock.’

Caleb glanced at his watch. Three and a half hours. What on earth would they do?

* * *

This morning had been strange. Caleb seemed in a better mood. He’d finally accepted there was no Internet or phone line and she hadn’t seen him touch his computer at all. It felt like a miracle.

He was still on edge. They both were. But the tenseness in his muscles seemed to have dissipated a little. His shoulders weren’t quite as tense but the furrows in his brow were still there. She could only imagine hers were the same.

Kohia shouted to them as they walked down the path. ‘If you haven’t tried the patisserie inside yet, you should definitely give it a go. The coconut cake is the best ever!’

Caleb turned towards her. ‘Well, there’s a recommendation. Why don’t we give it a try when we’ve looked around?’

She gave a nod. She could sense his nerves jangling again. Was he worried he might actually need to talk to her—spend time with her?

Her stomach gave a little lurch. She’d thought the other night that she might have fallen out of love with her husband. And that made her feel horrible. But it hadn’t occurred to her that the same might have happened for him.

They walked in silence for a while, strolling through the tropical gardens. She’d never seen so many shades of green dotted with bright splashes of colour. Every now and then the foliage parted to give perfect views of the blue ocean and rolling sands. The resort complex was huge. There were five other beach bungalows like theirs, each with their own smaller over-water bungalow. Around the other side of the complex were twenty larger over-water bungalows with thatched roofs and a variety of walkways. The central hotel had four restaurants, three bars, a gym, training classes, a few shops, a spa and the huge, welcoming patisserie. The smell of coffee almost came to meet them.

She felt herself twitch. She craved it. She craved it so badly. She hadn’t actually realised how much she loved it, or how much she drank. But as soon as she’d realised she was pregnant she’d switched to caffeine-free tea. She didn’t want to take any chances with this baby. Not when the odds were apparently stacked against her anyway.

Caleb automatically walked in the direction of the patisserie, his eyes drawn to a huge glass cabinet packed with a variety of cakes.

‘Skinny caramel latte?’ She shook her head again.

‘I’ll have green tea.’ She drifted along the edge of the glass cabinet just as her stomach gave a telltale rumble.

Caleb pointed to the cakes. ‘Which one do you want?’ He turned towards her, a quizzical look on his face. ‘You didn’t eat much this morning at all. You must be starving.’

She was. She’d been unsettled at breakfast and she didn’t think it was anything to do with her pregnancy. Morning sickness had never been a problem before. It was most likely just the state of her life and the decisions she’d need to make.

She licked her lips as she looked at the labels on the cakes. She pointed to the coconut cake. Four layers of sponge with jam and coconut cream frosting. She didn’t even want to think about the calories. Since she’d hardly had any breakfast—or eaten much on the flights yesterday—she figured it would all work out. ‘I’ll have a piece of that. What about you?’