Blame It on the Bachelor

“Maybe we should get to know each other a little better first …”

“But I was getting the distinct feeling that you didn’t want to get to know me better, so I thought I’d speed things up a little bit.” Devon grinned his signature, megawatt, killer grin. The one that used to inspire girls to throw their panties at him up on stage.

Kylie shook her head at him.

“What?”

“You,” she pronounced, “are a mess.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

Then she nodded, drumming her fingers on her champagne glass. “I think you might do.”

“Do?”

“Mmm-hmm. You just might.” But then she turned on her heel and walked away, her actions, like her words, sending damned confusing signals.

Devon downed the rest of the hated champagne. Then in three long strides he caught up to Kylie and stepped in front of her. “I’ll do? Do what, exactly?”

She flashed that Swiss-bank-vault smile. Then she patted his cheek. Her touch sent an electric current through him, from his jaw to his toes and then back up to toast everything south of the border.

“Me,” she replied. Then she walked off again, leaving him staring in her wake.

Dear Reader,

There are so many reality TV shows that feature ex-rockers, superstars whose posters we may have had on our bedroom walls when we were twelve. This made me wonder what life becomes for a guy who once took the spotlight for granted, yet now is just a regular Joe. It’s got to be a tough adjustment, no?

And so former bad boy Devon McKee and his black leather pants were born. He’s the second groomsman in my ALL THE GROOM’S MEN trilogy.

Dev’s got a big heart and a lot of emotional baggage, but likes to pretend that he doesn’t. A serial womanizer, he now wants a real relationship with a woman, but he’s not quite sure how to go about it—even though he’s spotted the right woman in Kylie Kent.

But Kylie’s got his number—and refuses to give him hers. The very last thing she wants is another degenerate man in her life. She just got rid of one, thank you very much. Her career and a cat will do fine …

I hope you enjoy Dev’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Let me know by contacting me through my website, www.KarenKendall.com.

Happy reading,

Karen Kendall

About the Author

KAREN KENDALL is an award-winning, bestselling author of more than twenty novels and novellas, many of them romantic comedies. She is the recipient of a Maggie Award, plus Bookseller’s Best, Write Touch and RT Book Reviews Reviewers’ Choice Awards. Karen lives and laughs in south Florida with her husband, two rescue greyhounds and one cat. She loves hearing from readers! Please visit her website at www.KarenKendall.com.

Blame It On

The Bachelor

Karen Kendall

www.millsandboon.co.uk

For Don,

who has always been my rock star

Acknowledgements

With special thanks to my consultants on all things Swedish, Julita Zaborovsky and Martin Pirgiotis. Chef Bodvar wouldn’t be the same without you.

1

DEVON MCKEE FELT LIKE a hyena at high tea. He did not belong at a fussy rehearsal dinner in a country club. But he was a groomsman, and the wedding party and all the relatives had been invited, so here he was. Chatting with his buddy’s Great Aunt Mildred and trying to resist the urge to add about four ounces of rum to his plain Coke.

If he added the rum, he’d be all too responsible for the consequences. He might do things that he’d regret—and his head still ached from the bachelor party the previous night.

Mark was getting married, and for Mark’s sake, Dev would do his best impression of a gentleman, comical though the act might be.

He’d known Mark since college and he loved him like a brother. He might heckle him about going over to the Dark Side, but he was secretly envious—and that was just plain weird.

Dev first spied the girl of his dreams through Aunt Mildred’s hairdo, which was teased and sprayed to an awe-inspiring volume, in spite of its sparseness. Aunt Mildred’s hair—a spiderweb combed into an upside-down urn shape—was almost transparent, gossamer in the overhead lighting.

Through it, Dev got a glimpse of the girl. She had a smile like a Swiss bank account: secure, glamorous and a bit secretive. A regal neck and aristocratic shoulders, revealed to perfection in her short, navy silk dress. Dark blond hair with shimmers of gold throughout. And legs that were nothing short of spectacular.

Devon, once the lead guitarist for the Miami band Category Five, was a connoisseur of such things. He’d always been a leg man—not that he disliked cleavage or sassy asses. Far from it. And he saw plenty of those now that he’d opened a successful South Beach bar.

What he didn’t always see was—no other word for it—class. This woman dripped it the same way many others oozed availability. She fit in perfectly here in the country club’s garden room.

His first coherent thought was that he wanted to lick those incredible legs of hers—but not through Aunt Mildred’s hairdo. So he extricated his hand from the old lady’s and told her he’d return with a glass of champagne for her.

Dev swam, sharklike, through the crowd and up to the bar, where he secured two champagnes before he continued toward the delicious woman, his dorsal fin flying high. In no time at all, he was in front of her. He opened his mouth, sure that one of his famous one-liners would emerge and make her giggle.

But nothing happened. His mojo, his schmooze, his charm—they’d deserted him. He searched blindly for a word, any word, even a grunt. But he’d been struck dumb.

Finally, Dev closed his mouth.

She lifted an elegant eyebrow, clearly amused at his expense.

Embarrassed and trying to recover, he dropped his gaze to her breasts. She had very nice ones. C cup, he estimated. Friendly, they seemed to surge toward him, eager to make his acquaintance.

“Hi,” Dev said to them. “Uh. Mark thought you might like some champagne.” A lame line, but workable.

Naturally enough, the breasts did not respond. Instead, their owner did. “Mark’s not even here yet.” Her voice was rich, smooth, spicy like the Jamaican rum he craved.

He blinked at her, feeling like an idiot. Mark hadn’t arrived yet.

“But the twins never turn down tiny bubbles.” She smiled at him and neatly plucked both glasses from his fingers, holding them in front of her breasts. Then she raised one to her lips. “So thanks.”

From somewhere over his shoulder, Dev heard a hoot of male laughter that could only have come from Pete Dale, another groomsman. Pete would have to witness Dev’s humiliation. But he’d deal with him later.

Dev slowly raised his eyes to the woman’s, heat suffusing his face. This was the worst encounter he’d had with a girl since ninth grade. “I … um. I guess I deserved that.”

Her smile dissolved into laughter and she handed him back the other champagne glass. “Admit it. Mark had nothing to do with you coming over here.”

Devon hated champagne—it tasted like sour tonic water to him—but he upended the flute and drank half the contents in one gulp. “Okay,” he said. “I do admit it. What’s your name?”

“I’m Kylie Kent. You?”

“Devon McKee.”

“Devon,” she repeated, thoughtfully. “How do you know Mark?” he asked. “I’m his aunt.”

“His what?”

“His aunt. Even though he’s older than I am. It’s kind of weird, but true.”

Dev digested that, working out the math. He guessed it was possible that Mark’s father or mother had a much younger sister.

Kylie was doing some thinking of her own. “Wait … Devon … you’re Mark’s rock-star friend?”

“I was never more than a minor local celebrity.”

“Mark mentioned you. And I guess that explains the leather pants.”

“Er.” He’d never before felt the need to explain those, but now, in her presence, he wished he’d worn something boring and khaki. He wished he’d tamped down his spiked, rocker hair and maybe even left his gold chain at home. He was crashing and burning here, big-time.

“Not that they’re not very nice leather pants,” she added, evaluating them.

“Yeah, okay. You hate my pants. Whatever.” He raised his chin and angled his head down at her. If she weren’t so damned hot, he’d be cutting his losses and walking away right now. Dev, heretofore the coolest guy in Miami, felt like the city’s biggest dork. It wasn’t a feeling he liked.

“I don’t hate them at all,” Kylie said. “I want them myself.”

“No kidding?” Dev asked. “Here, you can have ‘em right now.” Tongue between his teeth, he went for his fly. After all, he had to recover his man card somehow.

She laughed. “Maybe we should get to know each other a little better first.”

“You think?”

“Yes.” She tilted her champagne glass towards her perfect lips and drank.

“Well, but I was getting the distinct feeling that you didn’t want to get to know me better, so I thought I’d speed things up a little bit.” He grinned his signature, megawatt, killer grin. The one that used to inspire girls to throw their panties at him up on stage.

She shook her head at him.

“What?” He waggled his eyebrows at her.

“You,” she pronounced, “are a mess.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

She pursed her perfect lips. “But you have a peculiar, repulsive appeal,” she said thoughtfully.

Dev blinked. He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that.

She nodded, drumming her fingers on her glass. “I think you might do.”

“Do?”

“Mmm, hmm. You just might.” But then she turned on her heel and walked away, her actions, like her words, sending damned confusing signals.

How could a guy be repellent and have appeal at the same time? It didn’t make any sense.

Devon upended his glass again and sucked down the rest of the hated champagne. Then in three long strides he caught up to Kylie and stepped in front of her. “I’ll do? Do what, exactly?”

She flashed that Swiss-bank-vault smile again. Then she patted his cheek. Her touch sent an electric current through him, from his jaw to his toes and then up to toast his balls.

“Me,” she replied. Then she walked off again, leaving him staring in her wake.

KYLIE FORCED HERSELF to keep her shoulders straight and didn’t permit herself to turn around as she walked to the ladies’ room. She was pretty sure that Mr. Black Leather Pants was still standing there with his mouth hanging open, and she relished the moment.

Kylie, girl, you’ve still got it. Or you can at least fake it. See?

Nobody needed to know that she was a loser who couldn’t keep her own fiancé’s interest. Nobody needed to know that she’d lost him to internet porn.

Kylie entered the fussy, overdecorated ladies’ lounge and stepped up to the wide gilt mirror, where she took a quick inventory of her face. Eyeliner: currently unsmudged. Blusher: fine. Nose: a smidgeon shiny.

She reached into her bag for her compact, pleased to note that her hands were steady. She powdered her nose, adding a layer to what she thought of as her “war paint” for the evening.

She studied her reflection critically. Everything was more or less symmetrical. She had nice hazel eyes. She was no dog. So why had Jack felt the need to—

Who knew. Why had Tiger Woods cheated on his absolutely stunning wife?

Well, sweetie … men do like variety, you know. Maybe some racy lingerie, a wig or a little role-playing would help.

Kylie jammed the compact into her purse with a little more force than necessary as she remembered her older sister’s well-meaning hints. Note to self: never complain about your sex life to your relatives!

Not only was her sister’s advice annoying and humiliating, but it also conjured up all kinds of horrible specters about what she might have gotten up to over the years.

Kylie shuddered and pulled out a lipstick. There was nothing to touch up, but she did anyway, killing time before she had to return to the garden room. Small talk wasn’t her favorite thing.

At least it’s only internet pictures, her sister had said. Yeah, sis. Right. A lot you know.

It would have been better, really, if Jack had cheated on her with a real woman—or even two. Imperfect women with stressful jobs and ungrateful children and PMS.

But she simply couldn’t compete with a constant parade of flawless, airbrushed beauties and their bountiful beaver shots. Jack could pull them up at any time for his viewing pleasure. And he did.

How pathetic he was, sitting in the dark with his porn. So why did she feel like the loser? She was crazy.

Kylie had finally had enough of the repeated talks and the repeated broken promises to stop. She’d dumped his sorry ass.

If only she didn’t remember what Jack was like before he’d discovered OxyContin and internet porn. He’d been handsome and charming, with a bright future in medical equipment sales ahead of him.

He’d been a blue-blazer kind of guy, definitely not the type to show up to a coat-and-tie dinner in, say, black leather pants.

But Jack was now unemployed and boozing it up in T-shirts that said things like I’m with Stupid, and Property of So-and-So’s Athletic Department. He needed a barber badly and a life even more.

And it was time for Kylie to focus on what she herself needed: to wash Jack out of her hair for good.

She needed a distraction.

A male distraction, one with no conscience so she wouldn’t feel at all bad about using him for her own psychological and physical purposes.

Yes, she needed some acrobatic, sweaty, therapeutic sex with a hot stranger. A stranger who wouldn’t want a relationship, since she was done with those for a while. A stranger who was ready to peel off his inappropriate pants within moments of finding out her name.

Devon McKee had honed right in on her. Devon, with his I’m-a-sex-god eyes and his background full of rock ‘n’ roll groupies, was just the ticket. Her ticket to ride.

He’d do quite handsomely.

And she was sure he’d do her well.

2

DEVON, AFTER A MOMENT of stunned silence, followed Kylie out of the reception, only to see her disappear behind the door of the ladies’ room.

There was no question that given the opportunity he would do her. But he didn’t like the way she’d neatly plucked the power out of his hands along with the champagne glasses. He felt like a piece of meat.

He had a mental image of Kylie poking and prodding him through plastic wrap as he sat on a foam tray in the cold case of the local supermarket.

Repulsive appeal?

As if he had an area of gristle or a streak of fat running through him, and she wasn’t sure he was worth his per-pound price. As if she’d take him home in a pinch, but was tempted to wait until he oxidized a little and went on sale.

That stuck in his craw.

Devon McKee of Category Five had been Grade A prime beef in his heyday. Hell, he’d had a local artist make a mobile of the lacy thongs that had been tossed at him. He’d had the bad taste to hang it over his pool table in the game room of his rented house.

He wasn’t particularly proud of that now, but then, he wasn’t proud of a lot of things he’d done.

Kylie Kent was right. He was a mess. But he wasn’t used to being summed up so thoroughly and instantaneously by a woman. And he’d already decided to start cleaning himself up. Maybe not today. But soon.

“Dev, what are you doing lurking out here in the hallway?” Adam asked him. Adam Chase, a medical student, was the best man, and he was currently sporting a broken nose. Or close to broken, anyway.

“Nice schnoz. Where’s the stripper you stole from the bachelor party last night? You didn’t bring her as a date?”

Adam glowered at him, and Dev grinned.

The very cute blond stripper had exploded out of her plywood cake only to elbow his friend right in the face, knocking him to the floor.

Adam squinted at the champagne flute Dev held and deliberately changed the subject. “What’s with that? You hate champagne.”

“Yeah, but I’m trying to stay away from the rum.”

“Since when?”

Dev waved a hand at him and ambled into the garden room. He went to the bar and then belatedly brought Aunt Mildred the drink he’d promised her.

She arched a drawn-on eyebrow at him. “Thank you, young man. Did you have to harvest the grapes, first?”

Was every woman here, from five to ninety, going to bust his balls? But his lips twitched. “Yes, ma’am. Apologies.”

She patted his arm. “It’s all right. I saw you almost trip over your tongue when Kylie walked in. The girl’s always been a looker. Sweet, too.”

Sweet?

“She’s far too wholesome for you, dear. Wait until tomorrow at the wedding and I’ll introduce you to a naughty girl who’s more your speed.” Aunt Mildred, to his horror, winked at him.

For the second time in a half hour, Dev found himself speechless. Then he got defensive. “How do you know I’m not looking for a nice girl?”

She cackled. “In those pants?”

Damn it, he was going to set fire to them.

“I really am looking to settle down. You know, find the One. Believe it or not.” He wasn’t sure he believed it himself, but the words had somehow flown out of his mouth.

Mildred eyed him shrewdly. “Your tone is sincere. But are you serious or … self-delusional?”

Dev laughed weakly because he had no idea how to respond.

Was he self-delusional? After all, he’d just failed the challenge his sister Ciara had set him: to keep a houseplant and a goldfish alive for a month. She’d gotten the idea from some movie.

Anyway, the plant had died after ten days, despite his best efforts. And the fish was looking depressed and moody. He hoped the neighbor kid wasn’t overfeeding it while he was away for the weekend. Or forgetting to feed it at all.

“Why are you abusing me, Aunt Mildred?” Dev asked her, with his best innocent-little-boy smile.

“I’m not, dear heart. I’m fond of you, and I don’t want to see you make a mistake. My first husband thought he was ready to settle down with a nice girl, too.” She lifted her shoulders and took a sip of her champagne, leaving a mauve lip-print on the rim of the glass. “He wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. If Laurence hadn’t done me wrong, I’d never have met Mr. Right. Ed and I were married for forty-three years, all of them good. But I won’t lie to you—it’s easier to get it straight the first time.” She smiled at him. “So you make sure that you sow every last one of your wild oats before you go playing house, hmmm?”

Just what, exactly, was a wild oat? Wild and oats had never seemed to fit together, to Dev. And sow meant to plant. If something was planted, then it didn’t grow wild. Where did these phrases come from?

But all he said was, “Yes, ma’am. Thank you for the advice. Now, can I get you a shrimp puff or a Swedish meatball?”

“No, Devon, but thank you. Run along now and play with someone your own age.” She tilted her cheek up and he dutifully kissed it.

As he moved away, he caught Pete smirking good-naturedly at him. “What?” he growled.

“That blonde you hit on a few minutes ago?” Pete chuckled. “I’ve never seen the mighty McKee shut down so hard.”

“Oh, yeah? It might interest you to know that she wants to do me.”

His buddy guffawed. “Oh, clearly. I suppose she told you that right up front.”

“As a matter of fact, she did. So you can save your sarcasm.” Dev swiped a shrimp puff off a passing waiter’s tray and popped it into his mouth.

“You lie,” Pete said. “Like a rug.”

Pete could say things like that to him, because they’d known each other for over a decade—since freshman year in college. All the groomsmen had. They’d all been pledges in the same fraternity.

Dev didn’t respond, because Kylie Kent chose that moment to undulate through the doorway and wink at him.

Women didn’t wink at him. He winked at them. How dare she seize the power of the wink and the one-liner? Things were all out of whack, here. Off-kilter. Askew.

He was the wolf. She was Little Red Riding Hood. They needed to get the rules straight, here.

Dev shoved his hands into his pockets and sauntered toward her with a scowl on his face. She’d plucked another glass of champagne off a waiter’s tray and moved into a corner.

Just as she held it to her lips to take a sip, he reached her and leaned into her space. “Where do you get off?” he asked indignantly.

She raised her eyes to his, amusement in them. “Where? Or how? Use your imagination. I have the same parts as other women.”

Again, she’d rendered him speechless. Wholesome? Had Aunt Mildred really called her wholesome, for God’s sake?

“But if you want to know where …” She shrugged. “There’s a utility closet down the hall from the ladies’ room. You can’t miss it.”

Devon found his voice. “You know damned well what I mean. You’ve got a hell of a nerve, Kylie Kent. What makes you so sure I’d do you?”

She tilted her head at him. “You undressed me with your eyes as soon as I walked into the room.”

“So?” Dev said, flushing in spite of himself. “It’s a disgusting male habit I have. It doesn’t make you special.”

“Then you brought me a drink.”

“A more polite male habit.”

“And you talked to my breasts.”

“So you have a nice rack.”

“McKee,” she said patiently, “just admit it. You want to have sex with me.”

“Yeah?” said Dev, outraged. “Honey, I’ve got news for you. I wouldn’t bang you if you were the last chick on earth.”

“That’s your pride talking, not your dick.”

His mouth fell open. How dare she? “You are so full of it.”

“Is that right?” she smiled. She dropped her gaze to his fly, which made him uncomfortable. Him, of all people. She drank deeply from her glass.

Then she wet her lips and peered up at him from under her lashes. “I’ll bet it’s big,” she whispered. “Isn’t it?”

The breath he was taking turned to a rasp in his throat.

“And I’m so ready for it. Did you know I’m not wearing any panties? What do you think about that, Dev?”

The air he’d drawn in refused to circulate. It stayed there and rattled helplessly in his windpipe.

“I’ll bet you like sex fast and hard … with her ankles on your shoulders … unless her mouth is on you, taking it all the way in….”

And just like that, Devon was wearing an erection as well as a tie to Mark’s rehearsal dinner.

He was furious, and yet he was filled with an unwilling admiration for her as well as lust. She had definitely called his bluff. “You’re a world-class witch,” he said to Kylie.

“I’m really not.” Was there a hint of apology in her tone?

He let out a bark of laughter as he buttoned his jacket and held his glass strategically in front of himself.

“I was only trying to make—” She broke off, looking—of all things—abashed.

He didn’t buy the act for a second. “Make what, darlin’?” he asked sardonically.