Deserving of Luke

“I want a lot of things. I always have. But part of growing up is realizing that you can’t always have what you want. Isn’t that what our mothers always used to tell us?”

For a second she thought Logan was going to lose the stranglehold he had on control and she regretted taunting him. Not because she was afraid of him—the Logan she knew would never hurt her physically and she’d kick his ass if he tried—but because Luke was watching. He didn’t know what they were saying, which probably only made the tension between them look scarier.

Sure enough, his door cracked open a little. “Mommy. Are you okay?”

He never called her Mommy anymore, and she saw the second his words registered on Logan, the second the sheriff realized his son was afraid of what he would do to his mother. She watched as he forcibly made himself relax.

“I’m fine, sweetie. I’ll be ready to go in a second.”

“What time tomorrow afternoon?” Logan demanded.

She knew it cost him a lot to ask her that, to give in without a fight simply because it would be easier for Luke. And she gave Logan credit for it, though it was hard. She’d spent so long loving him and wishing he’d call, so long hating him because he hadn’t, that it was almost impossible to give him even the slightest benefit of the doubt now. Especially when he was still as arrogant and gorgeous and out of line as he’d always been.

But she would. For her son’s sake, she would give Logan a chance and pray to God that she wasn’t making a mistake. “Why don’t you come by Penny’s house tonight, after ten? Luke usually goes to sleep around nine-thirty. We can talk then.”

He nodded. “I’ll see you at ten.”

“Okay.”

There was nothing left to say, and yet neither one of them made a move to leave. Instead they stood there looking at each other, the past yawning like a chasm between them, until Luke’s door opened one more time.

“Mom?”

“I’m coming, Luke. We’re done here.”

Logan nodded, and left without another word. As she watched him walk away, Paige prayed again that she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life. That she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of Luke’s life.

CHAPTER THREE

“HOW WAS TOWN?” PENNY ASKED as Luke and Paige lugged their grocery bags into the house almost an hour later.

“Pretty damn awful.” Paige blew a stray hair out of her face. “I swear, I don’t know how you can stand to live here. Nothing changes.”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing, you know.” Penny relieved her of a few of the bags.

“Easy for you to say. They don’t look at you like you should come with a warning label—and a decontamination chamber—attached. I don’t understand why you want to—” She broke off, refusing to ruin her time with Penny by bringing up an argument that dated to when they were kids. If they were going to fix everything that needed fixing—Penny’s seaside house, her self-esteem after her boyfriend dumped her with this monstrosity, their sibling relationship, which hadn’t been the same since Paige had left town nine years before—she needed to tread carefully.

“I stay here because this is home to me. I like it here,” Penny blithely answered the unfinished question. “I know Prospect wasn’t good for you, know you’ve done amazing things since you left. But this is the only place I’ve ever wanted to live. When I moved away, I missed it.”

Paige’s nod was stilted, but she was saved from responding when Luke found the treasure he’d been searching through the bags for. “Look, Aunt Penny. Mom bought me a totally cool comic book. Do you want to see it?”

“Of course I do. Maybe you could read it to me while I put these groceries away.” She reached into a bag and pulled out a jar of pickles.

“And we ran into my dad in town. He was dressed in a policeman’s uniform and he seemed really mad at Mom.”

The jar of pickles slipped from her sister’s hand and shattered as it hit the kitchen’s hardwood floor.

“Why don’t you sit down?” Paige said, tongue firmly in cheek. “I’ll put the groceries away.”

“You saw Logan and that’s all you have to say?”

Shooting a warning look from her sister to her son, Paige nodded. “It’s not quite as eloquent as dropping a jar of pickles, I know, but I do what I can.”

“Right. Of course.” Penny sounded as though she was being strangled, but she didn’t say anything else as she started cleaning up the mess.

“Do you know my dad, Aunt Penny?”

She succumbed to a major coughing fit. When she finally recovered, she said, “Um, I guess. A little bit. Why?”

“Because I don’t think I like him. He was mean to Mom. On the way home, she said it was because he was surprised to see me, but I don’t know. So I thought, if you knew him, you could tell me if you thought he was as bad as he seemed today.” Luke said the last words in a rush, his breath running out from trying to say everything in one fell swoop. She could see the hope shining in his eyes, along with the fear and prayed that Penny could as well.

Tenderness for her son welled up inside Paige all over again, even as she felt torn apart by the fact that she was going to have to see Logan in a few hours. Luke was so sweet and he wanted this so badly, that she wanted to want it, too. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t—not when giving him his father meant allowing Logan in her life again.

He’d done so much damage the first time around it had taken her years to stop reeling.

“I don’t think your dad is awful, Luke,” Penny finally said after an awkward silence. “I’m sure he wasn’t trying to be mean to your mom. He was probably shocked to see you. He didn’t know you were coming.”

“He says he didn’t know about me at all.”

Penny’s eyes darkened to forest green. “Well, then, he must have been confused.”

“That’s what Mom says.”

“You should listen to your mother. She knows a lot more than your father does.”

“Penny!” Paige frowned at her sister.

“Well, you do. Men are—”

“I don’t really think Luke is up for a diatribe against the male species at the moment, sis, but thanks all the same.”

“And yet I’m so clearly in the mood to have one.” But she turned to Luke and forced a smile onto her face. And if more teeth showed than Paige was comfortable with, she figured she couldn’t really complain. Especially not when Penny changed the subject by asking, “What else happened in town today?”

“Nothing much.”

Luke became studiously interested in his comic book and Paige snorted. “If by nothing much you mean I ran through Mandala’s Groceries like a crazy woman, than no, nothing much happened, Penny.”

“Ran through Mandala’s? What happened?”

Paige told her, and though she gave Luke a number of stern looks as she did, she couldn’t help grinning when he interrupted several times to give Penny his point of view.

As he talked, Paige shook her head repeatedly—though she didn’t know if it was with pride or annoyance. Or both. The kid had a future as a politician or an advertising exec. His gift of spin was truly awe-inspiring.

When the two of them had finished telling the story, Penny gave her nephew an admonishing look. “I think you owe your mom a week’s worth of chores without complaint.”

“But—”

Penny raised one dark eyebrow and Luke subsided. They hadn’t been here long enough for him to get used to Penny yet. And with his new iPod burning a hole in his pocket, he jumped every time she told him to. A habit that was not lost on his aunt.

“In fact,” she said, with a wink towards Paige, “why don’t you start by going upstairs and finishing unpacking all of your toys? I hauled a bookshelf in there earlier, so you can spread them out. And I even dug up a TV, so you can move your Wii up there instead of down here.”

“Excellent!” Luke nearly flew out of the room on his way upstairs. “I just got this cool new baseball game I want to try out.”

“Luke! Aren’t you forgetting—”

“Thanks, Aunt Penny.” His voice drifted down the stairs.

Penny laughed. “I don’t know how you keep up with that kid. He’s a natural born charmer.”

“Tell me about it. He’s had every single one of his teachers wrapped around his little finger from the get-go, not to mention all the neighbors. They’re convinced the sun rises and sets on his shoulders.”

“Must make it hard to discipline him.”

“You have no idea. No matter how in the right I am, I always end up looking like the bad guy. It drives me nuts.”

“It always did.”

Paige shot her a sharp look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, he’s like his father, Paige. Everything about him—from his looks to the sparkle in his eyes—screams Logan. No wonder the man had a fit when he saw him today.”

Paige didn’t answer until she heard the door to the room she and Luke were sharing firmly shut. Then she turned on her sister. “He doesn’t have any reason to throw a fit. He’s the one who dumped me when I told him I was pregnant. He’s the one who accused me of sleeping with half the football team. I told him Luke was his and he didn’t believe me.”

“A point I think you should bring up to him when you see him again.” Penny paused. “I assume you will be seeing him again?”

“He’s coming here later tonight, after Luke is in bed.”

Her sister cursed. “That was quick.”

“Tell me about it. I really thought I’d have a little more time before I had to deal with this.”

“Me, too.” She paused. “So what are you going to say to him?”

“That he hasn’t been around for the first eight years of Luke’s life and there’s no reason he needs to be around for the next ten years of it. Luke and I are doing fine without him.”

“Yeah? And do you think he’s going to buy that?”

“Of course he’s going to buy it. He couldn’t wait to be rid of the responsibility when I was pregnant.” Her voice cracked on the last word so Paige focused on emptying the bags in an effort to keep herself from freaking out. “No, Penny, I don’t think he’s going to be reasonable about this. You should have seen him in the diner. I thought he was going to blow a gasket.”

“Is that where you guys met up? At Pros pector’s?”

“Naturally. Hasn’t my dirty laundry always been aired in front of half the town?” She proceeded to tell Penny the whole sordid story. Her sister didn’t say anything through most of it, just made sympathetic noises.

When she was done, Penny crossed the kitchen and pulled her into a huge hug. “I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with this guy again, Paige. He’s a total jerk.”

“Tell me about it. Nothing like paying for the mistakes of your youth forever, huh?”

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to be young to be stupid,” Penny said with a grimace.

Paige knew better than to express sympathy for Penny’s current male-induced crisis—that was the quickest way to get her to shut down.

With a sigh, Paige rested her head on her sister’s shoulder and said, “What am I going to do?”

“Whatever you want to do.”

“I wish. If that was the case, I wouldn’t let Logan near my kid.”

“Then don’t. You don’t have to explain anything to that man. What he did to you is unforgivable and you don’t owe him a damn thing.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do. But it’s not him I’m worried about. It’s Luke. And I do owe him the chance to get to know his father, if that’s what he wants.”

“He’s eight. He doesn’t know what he wants. If he knew Logan the way we do, he wouldn’t be so quick to imagine how great his life would be with him.”

“It’s not that simple. Now that Logan knows about him, what am I supposed to do if he decides he wants to see Luke?”

“Tell him to buzz off. He had his chance nine years ago and if he suddenly decides that he regrets the choices he made, well, that’s tough for him. Some mistakes can’t be undone.”

Paige nodded her agreement, but as she put the milk and eggs into the fridge, she couldn’t help wondering if thinking that was unrealistic. Sure, she didn’t think that Logan had any claim to Luke. They’d broken up nine years ago, with Logan telling her he wanted nothing to do with her or her baby. Why should he get to change his mind at this late date?

But as the sounds of Luke’s video game console buzzed overhead, she felt a niggle of doubt. The Logan she’d known had been a cold bastard when it came to getting what he wanted—even at eighteen—but the man she’d met today had seemed downright frigid. If he wanted a part in Luke’s life, she wasn’t sure how she was going to stop him. Especially if he filed for custody here, in this town where everyone hated her. What if he actually succeeded in convincing a judge to take Luke away from her? She’d die. She would just—

Paige slammed a door on her thoughts, refusing to let them freak her out any more than she already was. If there was one thing her twenty-six years had taught her, it was that life would happen the way it was going to happen, no matter how much she worried about it. Besides, she had a lot better things to think about than the arrogant, devious ways of Logan Powell.

Even if she couldn’t remember what any of those things were right now.

“He can’t hurt you, you know,” Penny said. “You won’t let him. I won’t let him. Not ever again.”

Warmth filled Paige. “You know, for a bratty little sister, you’re pretty awesome.”

“For an obnoxious, know-it-all older sister you’re not so bad yourself.” Penny paused, and Paige desperately hoped for a shift in the conversation. But Penny didn’t give it to her. “But seriously, Paige, how are we going to handle this?”

“We? It’s my problem, Penny.”

“The only reason you came back here is because I totally screwed my life up. I’d say that makes it our problem.” She gestured to the paint cans and building supplies that filled up the living room. “I don’t know how I’d get this place together without your help.”

And there it was, the reason Paige had returned to Prospect even though it was the last place on the planet she wanted to be. She’d skipped out of town nine years ago, pregnant and devastated. But she’d left Penny alone with their parents, and though her mom and dad treated her sister a lot better than they’d ever treated her, it still hadn’t been a cakewalk.

But Paige hadn’t cared, hadn’t let herself care. She couldn’t if she wanted to survive. So she’d cut ties with her sister completely. And though Penny had reached out to her a year ago, trying to reestablish those ties, it had been slow going. At least until her fiancé had run away from her and this monstrosity of a house, leaving Penny almost broke and in a hell of a bind.

There had been no way Paige could leave her to muddle through on her own. Not when she was between set decorating jobs. She’d built in two weeks between movies to use as a vacation, but helping her sister was going to be so much more satisfying. And if she’d had to juggle things around and work like mad in order to make that two-week break a two-month break, well, then no one else had to know that.

“Luckily, you won’t have to find out.”

“But—and don’t take this the wrong way as you know I love that you’re here—but maybe you should go back to L.A. Get Luke away from Logan as fast as possible.”

The same idea had occurred to her, oh, about every fifteen seconds since Logan had chased her down the street. “I’m afraid he’d follow me. He seems really determined to see Luke.”

Penny snorted. “Yeah, nine years too late. But even if he follows you, won’t that give you home court advantage. Literally? He’s the sheriff here and one of the town’s golden boys. Wouldn’t it be better to fight this battle in a Los Angeles court?”

“I’m hoping it won’t come to that.”

“But if it does?”

“If it does, then yes. L.A. would probably be a better venue for it.”

“Then don’t feel the need to stick around here.”

“Penny—”

“No, I mean it. If it’s best for you and Luke, I want you to go back to California. As soon as possible.”

The thought had appeal. Definite appeal. And yet— “I don’t know if that’s going to work. It might already be too late.”

“How can it be too late? You just saw the man an hour ago.”

Penny was right, Paige knew she was. But the doubts at the base of her spine told her she was already in too deep. That if she ran now, it would destroy any chance she had of dealing with Logan in a mature, low-key manner. “It just is. Trust me.” She reached for a box of cereal. “Where do you want me to put this?”

“In my hand.” Penny all but ripped it away from her and shooed her toward the back door. “Why don’t you get out of here? You’ve had a rough day. I insist you relax for a few minutes while I finish putting this stuff away.”

“I don’t want to go relax. I’m so wound up that I might be able to orbit the planet under my own power.”

“All the more reason to get out of here. A walk on the beach will help you clear your head. Then we can make dinner together, before I challenge you to a virtual tennis match.”

This time Paige’s laugh was real. “We’ve been here less than two days and you’re already as addicted to that Wii as Luke is.”

“That’s because it’s all kinds of awesome. Now go.”

Paige headed out the door, but stopped on the threshold. “You know, Mike was a fool.”

“You won’t get an argument from me. Waiting until I sank all my money into this place to make our dream come true before taking off. He deserves whatever bad karma he gets—and I hope it’s a boatload. But I refuse to spend any more time being miserable over his disappearance. Not when it brought you back to me.”

Unsure of how to deal with the naked emotion in her sister’s eyes—honest, adult communication had never been one of her strong suits—Paige cleared her throat. “Maybe I will go for that walk after all.”

Penny grinned. “You better take a sweater. It might be June, but it still gets pretty cold when the breeze rolls in from the ocean.” She tossed one toward Paige. “And don’t come back for at least an hour. You need a break before I put you to work painting.”

She left the large, decrepit beach house her sister had gotten stuck with when her fiancé had walked out, and wondered what exactly she was supposed to do for the next little while as she had, for all intents and purposes, been banished from the house. If Penny seemed to think Paige needed a walk, maybe a walk was exactly what she would have. It wasn’t as though she didn’t like the ocean, after all. In Los Angeles they lived only a few blocks from the water and she made a point of taking Luke to the beach at least once a week.

But the water in L.A. was different than the water here. Calmer, warmer. And less laden with memories.

She wasn’t going to let those memories bother her, though, she reminded herself as she descended the short flight of stairs from her sister’s yard to the rocky, isolated beach. She’d promised that to herself when she’d made the decision to come to help Penny get the house ready for guests, had promised herself that she wouldn’t let herself get caught up in the past.

Besides nine years was long enough to change her from the scared, insecure girl who had looked for affection in all the wrong places into a woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it.

The trick was to avoid getting so bogged down in what used to be that she forgot what was.

With that thought foremost in her mind, Paige slipped her shoes off and walked where the water met the sand. Though the dark blue water was cold—nearly frigid, really—she enjoyed the feel of it tickling her toes, licking at her ankles. The sand squished beneath her heels, then between her toes as the water receded, before her prints washed away with each new wave.

For a minute, she wished the past could be washed away as easily.

But, no, that wasn’t exactly true, was it? Because if she hadn’t made the mistakes she had, she wouldn’t have Luke. And without him, she never would have made it after everything that happened here. After Logan had—

She cut the thought off before it could take hold. Damn this town and all the memories it evoked. In L.A. she could go weeks, months even, without thinking about him. But here, on this beach, looking out at the choppy, wind-razed Pacific it was almost impossible to keep thoughts of him at bay. Especially when she looked at Luke, here in Prospect. He looked so much like his father that here, in all of her old haunts, nearly everything he did evoked memories she would rather forget.

No matter how hard things had been, no matter how difficult those first months and years had been after she’d moved to L.A., she wouldn’t change a thing. Not if changing things meant she lost even a little bit of what she’d worked so hard to give Luke.

Stability.

Security.

Unconditional love.

Three things she’d never had growing up with two parents who despised her. Three things she swore her child would never do without.

A large wave rolled onto the beach, soaking her to her knees and spraying up onto her thighs and stomach. Paige laughed, a gasping, sucking kind of sound as she tried to ignore the bone-jarring cold that had invaded at the first brush of the water. Because, though it was freezing, it felt good. Felt wonderful to throw her troubles into the surf and let them roll a little farther out to sea.

It was as she watched the ebb and flow of the waves, savoring the feel of the cold water against her skin, that Paige made a decision.

For the time she was here, for the two months she’d promised her sister she would help with the inn, she would live in the present.

She would forget the past, forget the mistakes she’d made and the hurts she’d both inflicted and received, and focus instead on the good things she had. Luke. Penny. A job she loved waiting for her in L.A. and the chance to use everything she’d learned on that job to make the eyesore her sister had bought into something truly amazing.

And when she was done… When she was done, she would leave Prospect for good. But this time she would do it on her own terms, knowing that she had truly put the ghosts of her past to rest, once and for all.

CHAPTER FOUR

THE DRIVE TO PENNY MATTHEWS’S beach house seemed to take forever. Even the call he’d gotten from his mother, demanding to know if the rumors she’d been bombarded with were true—was Paige Matthews back in town, with his son—hadn’t kept the fifteen-minute drive out of town from dragging. It had been a hell of a conversation to have. After the way his mother had hung up, he wasn’t altogether sure he’d ever be allowed in the door of his parents’ house again. At least he’d be in good company. Between Paige, Luke, his father’s ex-lovers and his sister’s children, the number of people who were permitted to cross the threshold dwindled a little more each year.

But when he could scarcely make sense of this situation, how could he possibly explain it in a way that would appease his exacting mother? All he knew was from the moment he’d laid eyes on the boy, from the moment he’d realized that Paige had given birth to his child, every brain cell he possessed had been working on overdrive, struggling to find the right words to say to her.

He’d almost blown it at the diner earlier and he was sorry for that. The last thing he wanted to do was make his son uncomfortable. But the shock of seeing him, of knowing that his child had been alive and growing for eight years… It had been almost impossible to see past it.

At least until Paige had called him on it. She’d always been able to do that, even when they were kids. He’d start on a path he had no business going down and she would rein him in. Until the end, when she’d walked out on him, as if trying to convince him that Luke was his hadn’t been worth her time. Her effort. As if the fact that she was pregnant with his child hadn’t been enough to make her fight for them.

Thinking of those long-ago arguments had his emotions rising again, though he’d worked all afternoon to control them. Joni had been furious with him when he’d returned to the diner, had accused him of humiliating her in front of the whole town. Then she’d walked out.