Her Baby's Father

Now she once again felt like a woman on the cusp of change. But this time she was in control—and finally on the edge of having her dream come true. All she had to do was convince the man sitting across from her to grant this wish.

She reached for her latte, then took a deep swallow. She felt as if she’d regained the ground she’d lost by her tardiness.

“One last question and we’ll wrap this up,” he said, giving her a grin that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Why don’t you want a man in your life?”

Two

Reese watched Sabrina choke on her coffee. Of course, he shouldn’t have asked the question at all. He felt like a killer whale bearing down on a sea lion. It was the type of probing question his editor Jeff had warned him to be careful of asking when interviewing her.

Her aqua-blue eyes reflected her hurt and she blinked several times. He acknowledged that he wouldn’t have asked in such a blunt way if she had been thirty-something, matronly and unappealing. While they’d sat in the sun-warmed sidewalk café, the bond between them had seemed to strengthen. As if their lives had been leading up to this moment and this meeting.

Electric shocks jumped between them each time they touched. And Reese felt off balance, as if a quake rolled through him, waking him from a slumber he hadn’t realized he’d been in. A slumber that had allowed him safety in relationships and safety in living because he’d kept part of himself detached.

He resented that she’d made him “feel,” because he’d done a good job of hiding his emotions, but this woman with her knockout figure, perky nose and aura of sadness touched him. He reassured himself he’d have to be a monster not to sympathize with her, but recognizing didn’t help. His life worked for him because he didn’t allow his emotions to rule him and he’d gotten used to being alone. There was a self-imposed barrier he always kept in place between himself and others.

“I want a family,” she said softly, as if confessing an important secret.

He pictured Sabrina with her own family. A complete family, not the one she was planning to have, but a fictionalized version with a stand-up guy for a husband and two kids. One on the husband’s shoulders, the other in her arms. Unexpectedly, he felt jealous that he wasn’t the stand-up guy with her.

“Isn’t there usually a mother and a father in a family?” he asked. He knew he was being a jerk. He should let her be. Give her space and peace. Don’t question her anymore.

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you want a husband?” he asked bluntly. He couldn’t stop the questions from coming.

“I tried that once and it didn’t work.”

“Why not try again?”

“Why do you care?” she countered.

All right, lady, show me you have a backbone. “I think the readers will want to know.”

She wasn’t the kind of woman he’d expect to choose to be artificially inseminated. She looked like a lady who’d be more comfortable being married first and then bearing a child. Despite her professional clothing, there was something soft and sweet about Sabrina MacFadden.

“Well, your readers will have to be satisfied with the answers I’ve given you.”

“Ms. MacFadden, for the amount of money my magazine is spending we expect to delve deep into the heart of you,” he said.

“The heart?” she said, fiddling nervously with the heart-shaped charm on her necklace.

Her motions drew his gaze to her smooth, slim neck. He wondered if her skin would be as soft there as on her hand. Probably softer, he acknowledged. Would her floral perfume smell be stronger there? What would she taste like? He shifted back on his seat and stretched his legs to relieve the pressure in his crotch.

Damn.

He leaned forward, ignoring his reaction as best he could. “Yes, the heart.”

She sighed, picked up her sunglasses and slid them on. The large lenses hid half her face but didn’t conceal her as he sensed she wished they did.

“I have bad luck with men.”

How could she? She was the kind of woman most men lusted after. He raised an eyebrow and waited for her to continue. She was hedging—he knew it.

“I’m thirty,” she said.

This time there was a hopeful note in her voice, as if maybe he’d buy her answer and let her off the hook. No way. Any woman who caused this kind of internal havoc with him was going to have to suffer the same.

“Thirty is not too old to do it the old-fashioned way. How about the truth?” Something about this woman compelled him to delve deeper and deeper. To find out all of her secrets. To peel away the shells she used to protect herself and find her heart.

“I like to be in control. I hate having some man telling me what to do and where to go. And all my married friends don’t have that freedom. Plus the men I’m attracted to aren’t interested in being fathers.”

So, she wasn’t ditzy and she had spunk. Each layer he was revealing drew him deeper into her mystery. She was funny, gorgeous and successful, if her classic car was any indication—she didn’t need to be inseminated. But she’d made that choice.

He’d started his career as an investigative reporter because he loved solving puzzles and finding the commonality in the most juxtapositioned facts. He liked following a thought to its complicated conclusion and discovering the hidden desires that motivated people. These instincts had served him well while he’d worked the inner-city beat, and for the first time in his job as a life-styles writer he was hungry again, ready to delve, and dig, and expose.

He wanted to take her apart and find out how she ticked. Take away the pieces that were for show, the pieces that kept the world away, and find the true Sabrina MacFadden.

The thought propelled him to his feet. He didn’t get involved with “good” women. Sure, he dated, but it was the usual bar-scene-one-night-stand type of woman. Women who wanted a family didn’t appeal to him. He was a bachelor and planned on playing the field until he was too old to enjoy sex. Hopefully, into his eighties.

She stood as well. He tossed some bills on the table to cover the check. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Her curls swayed in the wind, and he watched as she gathered the thick mass in one hand.

He wanted her. It was sudden but had been building all afternoon. He wanted to peel away her professional suit and lay her bare on the wood deck of his boat. Nothing but the elements around her. Nothing but him and her, the sun and sea.

But he couldn’t have her. Not now, not ever. More than professional ethics played into his decision. More than civilization and the rules of dating and courtship. More than he wanted to admit.

He couldn’t have her because she was the kind of woman who wouldn’t accept the boundaries he put on relationships. And he knew with gut-deep certainty that she’d push him until she had the response she wanted. Soft words and demonstrations of affection.

“Okay, the magazine will take care of getting the paperwork going and I’ll see you next week after your consultation,” he said.

“Want to meet here again?”

“Sure,” he said. He had to get away before he suggested they go home together. Suggested he father a child for her. Suggested they get to the real heart of the matter. Uncover the reason this successful woman peered at him with such vulnerability—and why he wanted to cradle her in his arms and protect her.

“I’ll be on time,” she said, and walked away.

He watched her hips sway with each step, and despite his uncomfortable arousal, he felt alive in a way that he hadn’t in years.

The doctor’s office was cold and sterile, even though Monet prints decorated the walls. Nerves and anxious tension settled over her, making her stomach roil. Today was just a preliminary examination, but on her next visit she’d be inseminated. God, she was excited and scared. She was so close to her dream come true.

It was impossible to feel comfortable when you were perched on the edge of a padded table in a paper robe. She glanced around the room, and her gaze fell on the cutaway diagram of a woman’s internal organs. Ugh, she didn’t need to see what was in there, as long as they worked the way they should.

Lately she’d had doubts about the process, about whether this decision was the right one, especially after meeting Reese Howard a week ago. Never before had she felt an instant attraction to a man. In fact, she’d believed lust at first sight was a myth.

But something about Reese’s midnight eyes had cut straight to her soul. He’d seen past the excuses she’d given everyone else about wanting a baby and forced her to reveal…the heart.

He’d demanded it and she’d given it willingly. He was a dangerous man—for her. He asked for things that she’d always wanted to give, answers no one else had been willing to hear. Talking with him had been a joy, really a joy. To share herself and not see that glazed-over look in his eyes had shown her that there was more to men than she’d believed.

Stop thinking about him!

She gazed at a poster of the growth stages of a fetus. Sabrina studied the drawings and her fears started to evaporate. Soon she’d cradle life in her womb. Soon she’d be a part of history, not the written-down kind that was told and retold, but the living kind. The part that survived in spite of politics and social trends. The honest part of life that continued no matter what.

Her doctor entered and after a quick exam told her to change and come into his office. She knew why. There was a lot of insurance paperwork to be done. She dressed quickly and wondered if Reese would be waiting for her. Of course, she knew they’d already planned to meet across the street, but would he show up?

She’d dreamed about him last night, and it had been years since any “real” man had played a part in her dreams. Hollywood heartthrobs had drifted in and out of her dreamscape, but never a man she knew. Reese Howard hadn’t drifted quietly through her imagination. He’d forced his way in and taken over completely.

She met Dr. Hyde in his office and filled out the final paperwork. He talked to her again about the process and allayed a few of her fears about what information he’d be giving the magazine. Her medical history was her own, and there was information she didn’t want to share. Past mistakes that would bring into question her current decision.

She left his office and hurried across the street. Though it was summer, a cool breeze filled the air, and she tugged her lightweight sweater closer to her body. Quelling the excitement pulsing through her veins, she reminded herself that Reese Howard wouldn’t be in her life if she hadn’t decided to go to a sperm bank.

He was waiting at the same patio table where they’d sat last time. He wore an aviator-style leather jacket and faded jeans.

“Late again,” he said.

Smiling ruefully, she nodded. Punctuality was her cross to bear. She never made it anywhere on time no matter how hard she tried. She’d even set her watch fifteen minutes early for a few months, but that hadn’t helped. So she’d stopped wearing one altogether.

He stood and pulled out her chair. The smells of the wind and the sea clung to him. She wanted to somehow get closer to him. To sit on his lap and tell him all her fears and secrets, which she couldn’t do.

Because he was going to record her secrets and then tell them to the world. You agreed to this, she reminded herself. Taking a deep breath, she willed away the nervous butterflies, the doubts pounding her like the endless cycle of the waves against the shore, eroding slowly what nature had created at the beginning of time.

Was she fit to be a mother?

He sat with his back to the bay this time, and his sunglasses lay on the table next to his notepad. He didn’t look like a reporter, she thought.

“Sorry about being late, again. But Dr. Hyde needed me to fill out a few extra forms this visit.”

“For insurance.”

“Yes,” she said. A waiter approached and Sabrina ordered herbal tea before Reese could order for her. He lifted one eyebrow in question, but she ignored him. The waiter left and she toyed with the ring her parents had given her on her twenty-fifth birthday. A pretty emerald heart set in white gold.

“You seem a little pale,” he said.

Damn, she’d hoped he wouldn’t notice. “Must be from ordering for myself. All the pressure.”

His mouth crinkled, and she thought he’d laugh but he didn’t. “Next time I’ll order for you.”

She’d always enjoyed banter, and now she’d found a safe partner to do it with. And the escape she’d been seeking from her own doubts. “That’s okay, I think I better start getting used to it. After all, I’m almost thirty.”

He paused, leaned across the table and gestured for her to come closer. She did.

“It might be too late to teach an old dog a new trick,” he said softly.

“Who are you calling an old dog?” she demanded.

He laughed out loud this time, and she’d never seen anything more beautiful. Laughter actually changed this man’s visage from almost uncivilized to enchanting.

He shrugged. “No one. It’s a saying.”

“Not a nice one,” she said. But she wasn’t offended. He’d made her forget her worries for a few minutes. It wasn’t her hopes for a baby that woke her up nights in a sweat, but her past. The agreement she’d made with the magazine that sometimes she wished she hadn’t.

“So…” He leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms over his well-developed chest and waited.

“So?”

“Why are you pale? Having second thoughts?”

She should have known he’d come back to the heart of the matter. He wasn’t the type to give up. Why couldn’t he be? This interview process would be so much better if she’d been able to control the reporter. If he’d been the kind of guy she could distract with her legs or a bit of cleavage. Okay, that wasn’t the best way to operate, but it worked. Men usually were easily distracted by her looks, but not this guy.

His gaze probed hers, and irrationally she thought he might have read her thoughts. Might have ascertained that she’d been thinking of lying. Don’t lie, she thought. Honesty is always better, even when it’s painful.

“Second and third and fourth thoughts,” she said.

“And?”

“It always comes back to wanting a baby more than anything else.”

“Anything?”

She felt his gaze slip over her body and her nerve endings tingled. No, there were other things she wanted. But the baby was the safest thing to discuss with him.

“Yes,” she said, and the word sounded weak to her ears.

“More than a man in your life?”

“Yes,” she said a little stronger.

“More than—”

“Yes, I want a baby—a family—more than anything else in this world.”

“Very well. Then stop having doubts.”

“It’s not that easy,” she said.

His eyes shuttered. “I know.”

Sabrina stared at him. She’d taken him at face value and never wondered if anything kept him up at night, if demons crept out from his past and haunted him. But she saw now that they did.

The happy gurgle of a child’s laugh drew her attention. A mother and baby walking past the café had stopped. The mother bent double to her child, tied his shoe and tickled the precious, fat little leg. A wave of envy swept through her. She wanted to be that woman so badly her heart felt like it skipped a beat.

Tears stung her eyes before she could cover her face with her hands. She no longer saw the small child in the stroller, but the unborn child she’d miscarried at nineteen. A baby whom she’d wanted badly, but through her own carelessness had lost.

She started to cry in earnest. Reese placed his hands on her shoulders and kneaded deeply, trying in vain to relax her. She had to get away. To escape from the pressure she’d invited by agreeing to these interviews. She’d thought she’d gotten past her guilt and the anger and fear. Obviously she hadn’t.

Reese tugged her to her feet, wrapped his arms around her and rocked gently. Why was he doing everything she’d always dreamed a man could do? Why was he fulfilling her fantasies of Mr. Right when she knew he wasn’t even close to being that mythical man?

“Don’t worry. Fears are natural in first-time mothers. You’ll be a great mom.”

His words made her feel worse. How could she be? Yet it was what she wanted. It was her secret dream. The one that made her save her money and sit home nights instead of going out with her friends. The one that made her work two jobs and hoard her money like a miser. The one that had shaped who she was so completely that without it she was afraid she wouldn’t exist.

“How do you know?” she asked.

“My secretary had the same reactions when she first learned she was pregnant.”

“How did she deal with it?”

“That’s where a man comes in handy. Her husband distracted her.”

“How?” she asked. Reese Howard was a nice man, she thought.

“Well, let’s just say she wouldn’t give me all the details.”

“Oh.” She hated the out-of-control feelings coursing through her.

“I have an idea. Why don’t we take my boat out on the bay and forget about this story for the afternoon.”

It sounded like paradise. And his arms around her felt forbidden. “I don’t know.”

“Come on. Pretend we’re friends.”

She didn’t want to pretend. She wanted a real friendship with Reese, but knew that could never happen. He had a job to do and she was the job. “I don’t have any male friends.”

“You do now.”

A sense of rightness assailed her. For the first time since her parents’ deaths she didn’t feel alone.

Three

Reese knew there were certain things in life that couldn’t be measured. The hours he spent on the Time Lapse were one of those things. His thirty-foot sailing yacht was his baby. His car was older and needed a paint job. His house was nice and had a great view of the bay, but he could afford better. His boat was in mint condition. There was no nicer sailing vessel in the marina. He spared no expense when it came to the Time Lapse.

The time he spent on the boat worked to counteract the stress of working fourteen-hour days—simply thinking about the boat soothed him. Now that he had left Los Angeles for Sausalito, he spent as much time in the marina and on his yacht as he could spare.

He didn’t know what had upset Sabrina. He only knew that he wanted to soothe her. He wanted to bring her closer to him, to bridge the gap she’d put between them when she’d seen the mother and child. He wanted to take her to some place private to explore her depths, and not just for his articles.

He motored out of the marina and headed for the bay. From her seat on the deck Sabrina watched him. Though her large designer glasses covered her eyes, he felt her gaze on him as he steered the boat. When they passed the last buoy and entered the bay, he throttled down and lifted the sails.

The work was hot and the sun burned through the layers of cotton and denim. He wanted to strip naked, to be at one with the elements, but he wasn’t alone. And he didn’t think the lady would appreciate an elemental male basking in his testosterone.

He removed his shirt and tossed it under his seat. He heard her breath catch and cursed silently. He’d forgotten about the old scars. Not totally forgotten, of course, they were a constant reminder of the past. It was simply that being at sea had lulled him. He pulled his shirt back out and put it on.

He motioned for Sabrina to join him. She moved slowly, as if unsure. Reese couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been at home on the water. He crossed to her and guided her to the steering wheel.

“Reese—”

“Ever been on a boat before?” he asked, cutting her off. He wasn’t answering any personal questions. This was his interview. And it was just an interview, he reminded himself again. She wasn’t a woman he could seduce into his bed, no matter how badly he wanted her there. And he wanted her in his bed very badly.

“No,” she said.

Her hair whipped in the wind like living silk. If he leaned closer it would surround him. For a minute he was tempted to do just that.

But reality stopped him. Getting her to relax was one thing, indulging his senses another. Especially since once he lowered his guard she’d jump on him with a slew of questions. Women always did. No woman had ever stayed with him for the long haul. Starting with the death of his mother hours after his birth.

He squinted into the sun and forced his thoughts into the present, back to the lady standing so close to him he could feel the heat from her body.

“Are you relaxing yet?” he asked, leading her further away from the questions he sensed on her tongue.

She shrugged. “I’d be more relaxed if you’d stop interrupting me.”

He’d forgotten how spunky she could be. His tonic was working. It had never occurred to her to argue at the café, but here on the ocean she’d found her backbone.

“I know. But there are some things I don’t discuss.”

“You can leave your shirt off. I was surprised but not bothered.”

He was tempted to remove his shirt but knew he wouldn’t. Some shames ran too deep and those scars were one of his. In his mind they were as fresh as the day he’d received them.

Looking at Sabrina now, he thought she might feel concern, too. If he removed his shirt and she asked questions in her soft feminine voice, he’d be lured into answering them. And he didn’t want to sully the innocence in her eyes by revealing the ugly truth of his past.

“Want to learn how to steer?” he asked.

She sighed. He thought for a moment she wasn’t going to let him change the subject, but he could be dog stubborn when he had to.

“Sure.”

She pivoted to face the wheel and he stepped up behind her. She had a nice backside. Fully curved and feminine. He wanted to place his hands on her hips and pull her back against his body. But he knew that was foolish. And Reese Howard wasn’t a fool.

He placed her hands on the wheel and explained the rudiments of sailing to her. Then he relaxed behind her. The wind and sun played over his skin as he stepped toward her. An attractive woman in his arms, the sea beneath his bare feet, the sun all around him. Another fantasy come to life, thanks to this woman.

“This is great,” she said after a few minutes.

He smiled to himself. Finally, the tension eased out of his spine.

After thirty minutes she surrendered the wheel and he piloted them slowly back to the marina. Sabrina hovered next to him while he steered and docked the boat.

She perched nervously on the pilot’s chair and removed her sunglasses. She played with the stems. He wondered what was going on in her pretty head.

“I felt like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic,” she said.

Weary but game, he asked, “As if you were going to sink?”

She laughed and he felt better for having amused her. She’d come a long way from the crying woman he’d brought to his sailboat. “No—as if I’m ‘king of the world’.”

Reese understood completely. There was something about being out in the elements. On the part of the earth that wasn’t readily habitable by man and surviving. He loved his boat, had wanted to live on it forever, but none of the women in his life had ever wanted to.

“Is that how you feel?”

“Sometimes,” he said.

“Why do you guard every answer?”

“Why do you ask probing questions?”

“I’m telling you the intimate details of my life.”

“In return for compensation.”

She looked out over the bay. The sun was setting and the breeze was cooler now. She shivered a little, but he suspected it wasn’t from the wind. “I feel cheap.”

Stay back, he warned himself. Stay away from her. Don’t touch.

Yet he moved toward her, anyway. Rubbing her arms with his hands and felt her fragility beneath his grip. He could crush her. How would she ever be able to protect the child she wanted?