A Daughter's Trust / For the Love of Family: A Daughter's Trust / For the Love of Family

“I’m perfectly happy as things are.” She included both her parents in her glance. “Marriage worked great for you guys, but I’m just not interested. I don’t want a husband. I don’t miss not having a man around. And if I were to enter a relationship not really wanting it, it would never work.”

They’d been through this before. Every single time she saw them.

“This is the twenty-first century, guys,” she said softly. “I don’t have to have a man to be complete.”

“Don’t you get lonely, honey?” Jenny asked.

“With this brood? Are you kidding?” Setting down her bottle, she lifted Carrie to her shoulder, gently patting the little girl’s back.

Her mother already had William up on her shoulder. Sue breathed a silent sigh of relief as Jenny and Luke exchanged another look. The one that said they’d let the issue of Sue’s lifestyle ride for now.

“We brought the necklace for you to see,” Luke said half an hour later as the threesome walked down the hall together after having laid the babies in their cribs.

“Dad, really, I’ve seen it a hundred times.”

As they entered the family room, Jenny went for her purse, pulling out the familiar black velvet box.

Sue turned away. “I do not want to see Grandma’s necklace.”

Grabbing her hand, Jenny pulled her down to the couch. Luke sat on her other side. “Grandma’s gone, sweetie,” her mom said.

“I know that.”

“Your father and I—” Jenny and Luke placed their hands over Sue’s “—we know how close you were to her, how badly you must be hurting.”

“I’m fine,” Sue said, not moving.

“We…oh, honey…” Jenny’s eyes filled with tears.

“What your mother is trying to say is that we understand and we’re here for you,” Luke stated.

“I know that.”

“Denial is the first stage of grief,” he continued.

Okay. She wasn’t denying anything. She just wasn’t like them, needing to cling to each other…

“We’re worried about you here all alone, with no one to see you through this difficult time.”

Sue jumped up. “Ma, Dad…” She stopped. Took a breath. Lessened the intensity of her tone. “Really, I’m going to be all right.”

They shared “the glance” again.

“Look, I promise I’ll stay in touch. And Belle’s here…”

“Just don’t underestimate the effect this is having on you.” The seriousness of Luke’s glance got her attention more than his earlier worry had. “You’re too much like me,” he said. “You take on more than you should. You think you can handle anything.”

What other option was there?

But she knew what her dad was saying. He’d retired early from his banking career because of stress-related high blood pressure. A condition that no longer existed, thank God.

“I’ll be careful, Dad. I promise.”

One thing she’d learned about herself several years ago, she wasn’t Wonder Woman.

DRESSED IN GYM SHORTS and a muscle shirt, the same clothes he’d worn lifting weights in the spare bedroom an hour before, Rick sat in the dark on the settee in his bedroom, looking out over the city from the wall of windows. The house wasn’t big. Wasn’t opulent. But it had these windows.

And a fenced-in grassy yard that had been perfect for a little girl to play in.

Ten forty-five.

Rick sat, looking for a plan.

It had something to do with the natural, sexy woman he couldn’t get out of his mind. But so far, the details wouldn’t come to him.

So he sat. He stared.

He hung on.

A move he’d perfected over the past few months.

When his cell rang, it took him a couple of rings to find the damn thing. In the master bath. On the counter. Where he’d left it when he’d stripped out of the jeans he’d worn that day.

He tripped over them as he grabbed the phone.

He recognized the number. Sue Bookman.

“Hello?”

“People change,” she said simply.

Back in his bedroom, Rick returned to study the city he loved. Fog and all. “Sue?”

“Yeah. Is it too late? I meant to call earlier, but by the time my folks left, William was up again and a little fussy with his ten o’clock feeding. But I can call back another time—”

“No!” He sat on the edge of the love seat, his arms on his knees. She was calling him at ten o’clock at night when she could have waited until morning if the call were purely professional. Had she been thinking about him as much as he’d been thinking about her? “Now’s fine.”

“I won’t keep you. I was out of line this afternoon and I apologize.”

“Out of line how?”

“When I didn’t like what you had to say, I was rude. I’m sorry.”

“You sound tired.”

“It’s been a long day.” And then, before he could respond, she added, “A long couple of weeks.”

Definely not a professional call.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

He barely knew the woman. But asking the question seemed natural.

“Not really.” Her chuckle lacked humor. “It’s just that sometimes life doesn’t make a lot of sense, you know?”

More like most times. “Yeah.”

“I found out earlier this week, at the reading of my grandmother’s will, that the man I thought was my maternal grandfather by adoption, was actually my biological grandfather.”

Rick’s heart rate sped up. The conversation had just become personal. Between him and her.

“You lost your grandmother?”

Her pause was telling. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Me, too.”

The darkness surrounding him was more companion than demon at the moment.

“Were you close to her?”

“Very. You see, the thing is, I don’t get close to people. I tend to get cramped. To suffocate if anyone gets too close. Except for my grandmother. I never got that feeling with her. Not once.”

“What about your parents?”

“Oh, yeah. It happens with them most of all. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“Maybe because you need to talk about it and I’m risk free.”

“But still…”

“Maybe because I want to hear it.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes.” More sure than he’d been about anything in a long time. Except for getting Carrie.

“Why?”

“You really want me to answer that?”

“I asked, didn’t I?”

It was like they were dancing. Only they were using words to circle each other. To feel each other out.

Because there was more here than a foster mother and a potential adoptive parent.

You ’re losing it, Kraynick. You ’ve met her twice.

But he answered her anyway. “My niece aside, you intrigue me. It’s been a long time since I met a woman I didn’t immediately forget two minutes after I left her…That didn’t come out as I meant it to sound.”

Rick moaned inwardly. He really had been out of the singles scene a long time.

“Maybe not, but it might be the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in quite a while.” Her voice dropped. “This isn’t going to sway my opinion regarding Carrie.”

“I understand.”

“I mean that.”

“I’m enjoying a conversation with a woman I’ve met,” he said, bemused as he looked out over a city that, recently, had seemed to go on without him. “Not with a foster parent.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yep.”

“Okay then, my mom was adopted,” she blurted, before going on to tell him about her mother’s relationship with her older brother, the biological son of her adoptive parents. And that wasn’t all. There were two uncles involved, too. And a couple of cousins.

“And you guys just found out all of this?”

“Pretty amazing, huh?” Silence hung between them until she said, “Had enough?”

“Not by a long shot.”

“What are we doing here?”

“Talking.”

“Yeah, but we don’t really even know each other and…Strangely enough, this feels…good.”

“So talk. This feels…good.” He repeated her words back to her.

“It’s been a tough couple of weeks all around, huh?”

“That it has.” “It’s kind of like we were meant to meet. To talk.”

He was glad to hear she thought so, too. “We’ve been through similar experiences,” he said. “Both finding out about family we didn’t know we had. It’s good to talk to someone who understands.”

“Especially since we aren’t going to get a chance to have relationships with some of them. Your sister. My biological grandmother. And even some I did spend time with weren’t who I thought they were. My whole life I thought my grandfather was this somewhat quiet, very loyal, hardworking family man who adored my grandmother. And then I hear that he was not only unfaithful to her, that he’d had a mistress on the side for years, but that he’d also had babies by her? He had both women pregnant at the same time with his two sons!”

“But they never knew they were half brothers.” “

No! We didn’t even know this other woman existed, and she was my mom’s mother! This woman raised her two sons—the second, younger than my mother, was fathered by the man she eventually married—and a grandson. So why in the hell did she give my mother away?”

“Maybe your grandfather gave her no choice. Maybe it was some kind of deal they made, that one of them raise one of their children while the other raised the other?”

“That stinks. Like kids are assets you’re going to split?”

Rick leaned back on the couch, propping his heels on the low table in front of it, more alive than he’d felt in a long time. “Yeah, probably not. You said he was a loving man. There was probably more to it than that. Maybe…

maybe the first pregnancy came so soon after her husband’s death she could pass the baby off as his. But your mother would have been obviously illegitimate.”

“That wasn’t my mom’s fault. And certainly no reason not to love her.”

“But then you live in a society that wouldn’t blink twice at a child born out of wedlock.” What an untenable situation. “I can’t imagine the rest of Robert’s life, as he lived with those choices.”

“My grandfather’s smile always seemed a little sad. I understand why, now. But I’ll say this for him. He was there for us. Always.”

“Us. You mentioned a couple of cousins. Are they Sam’s kids?”

“Belle is. The other, Joe, is Adam’s son.”

“So you knew this Belle growing up, but since you never met Adam, you wouldn’t have known Joe, which means you have a new cousin to become acquainted with, too.”

“No, that’s weird, as well. Adam’s son, Joe, was my best friend.”

Rick frowned. “What?”

“Yeah.” Sue paused a long moment. Then she explained about the friend she’d had but never brought home. “The best way I can describe my childhood is cloying,” she added, by way of explanation. “My mom’s the type who’s not content unless she’s inside your skin. Maybe because Uncle Sam always made her feel less a part of the family, I don’t know. Anyway, she met my father while they were still in high school, and they’ve been inseparable ever since. They do everything together, especially now since Dad’s retired.”

Rick was beginning to understand why Sue lived alone. And hoped it wasn’t a condition she wanted to maintain forever.

“By the time I met Joe, I was fourteen. We went to the same high school—just like my parents. I’d realized by that point that I was either going to spend my life fighting to get breathing space from my parents, go insane or keep secrets from them. He was my secret. I realize now that part of the secrecy was my way of keeping my distance, even with Joe.”

“You guys had no idea you were related.”

“Nope.”

Rick didn’t think he had a right to ask the obvious question. A boy. A girl. Close. Hormones.

“He asked me to go steady when we were seniors.”

Rick laid his head back against the cushions, focused on the lights twinkling with abandon in the vast world before him.

“Did you?”

“Yes.”

Chapter Nine

SUE HAD BEEN WANDERING around her house, touching things—a cold metal frame on the mantel, a picture of Grandma, the soft baby blankets on the edge of a bassinet. She rinsed the dishes in the kitchen. And picked up the toys left on the floor from her parents’ playtime with the kids.

She ended up in her bathroom, the baby monitor on the counter so she could hear if anyone needed her, and closed the door. Lighting a couple of candles, she switched off the lights, turned on the water in the garden tub, poured in bubble bath and started to undress.

All with her cell phone planted firmly at her ear.

“Joe and I went steady that whole year,” she told Rick, remembering. Speaking of things she’d never told anyone before. Not even Grandma. Because she could. Because she had a feeling he’d understand. Because, as he’d said, he was risk free.

Her blouse fell to the floor. Doing things with one hand was no problem for a woman used to living with a baby on her hip as an almost permanent fixture. The hooks on her bra were as easily mastered.

“Did you sleep with him?”

Why the question seemed appropriate, as if Rick Kraynick had a right to such intimacies, Sue couldn’t say. She unbuttoned her jeans, stepped out of them.

“Almost.” She told him the truth. “But no.”

After sliding her panties down her hips, legs and feet, Sue stepped into the soothingly hot water.

“So you think you sensed some kind of familial connection?” Rick’s voice sounded low. Sleepy. But not the least bit as if he was falling asleep.

“Maybe. I’d like to think so. I hurt him horribly.” She told Rick one of her secrets. She’d hurt too many people.

And wasn’t about to add another to her list.

No matter how much real estate Rick was taking up in her thoughts. Incredible, after only meeting this man twice.

“Was he at the reading of the will, too? This Joe?”

“Yeah. I was standing next to him when we found out we were cousins. He’s my boss now. I do bookkeeping for him from home. But we haven’t been close since high school. He’s all locked up inside. I’d hoped that finding out we were family would bring us closer again, but it doesn’t seem to have.”

“Give him time.”

Time. Everything took time. What happened when time wasn’t enough? She ran water down her neck, scooping it in her hand to splash over her breasts.

“Are you in the tub?”

Sue stared at her bare toes, sticking up from the bubbles and said nothing.

“I thought I heard the water running.”

Her nipples, also showing through the bubbles, were hard. What in the hell was she doing? And why?

“Would it offend you terribly if I said I wish I was there with you?”

It should. Instead, he was turning her on. She’d thought of little else but him since the first time she’d seen him. And these days, people thought nothing of going straight to sex. People, maybe. Not Sue.

“Are you saying it?”

“Are you offended?”

“I’m trying to be.”

“Don’t try so hard.”

“Rick…”

“I know. It’s complicated.”

This was the oddest…whatever it was…she’d ever encountered. “I’mnot offended.” But she was scared to death. What was happening to her? Who was this man who’d turned her inside out just by appearing in her life?

“Tell me if there are bubbles in that water with you. And let me imagine what you look like right now. Let me imagine, just for tonight, that I’m there with you…”

SUE DIDN’T ANSWER HER phone Sunday morning any of the three times Rick called. She didn’t answer it Sunday afternoon, either. Nor did she respond to the messages he left.

Her parents were gone. She’d said they were flying out early.

So maybe she’d gone to church.

And then out to lunch. And to a family get-together or to the park or out with friends he didn’t know about. Maybe there was a foster family group that met once a month.

Or…

By seven o’clock he’d run out of excuses for her. As conscientious as Sue was, she wouldn’t have those babies out all day, missing nap times, and then into the night, as well.

Which meant one of two things. Either she was avoiding him or something was wrong.

He couldn’t believe, after the incredible phone call they’d shared the night before, that she’d just avoid him. They’d started something. Sue wasn’t the type to tease.

A too-familiar fear tightened his chest. He’d rationalized that last time with Hannah, too. Made excuses when his six-year-old hadn’t called him immediately when she got out of class, as was their agreement.

Rick tucked his shirttail into his jeans, grabbed his wallet and keys and headed for the door.

Traffic was light—not many people out in the dark on a Sunday night in March—and he was out of town driving south in a matter of minutes. Made it to Sue’s before eight.

When he saw the lights on, he briefly considered driving on past.

He had to knock three times before she pulled open the door. She was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved, red-and-white-striped pullover, her feet bare. As though she’d been home awhile.

“Is everyone okay?” he asked, still on edge with the heightened sense of awareness that tragedy struck without warning.

“Yes.” Since her gaze was focused somewhere around his chin, he couldn’t tell if she was angry, offended or secretly glad to see him. Rick took it as a good sign that she hadn’t shut the door in his face.

“I called.”

“I know.”

He nodded. Stood there with his hands in his pockets. And thought of her voice, soft and seductive. The sound of water trickling over naked skin…

“Last night was a mistake.”

So she had been avoiding him. “Why?”

In the doorway, a barrier between him and her home, Sue said, “I…with Carrie…it’s not right.”

At least she hadn’t said she wasn’t interested in him.

“I’m not going to be used,” she added.

Eyes narrowed, Rick hardly felt the fifty-degree chill. “Regarding Carrie, you mean.”

“It fits, doesn’t it? I fall for you. I give you what you want—your niece.”

“When did you come up with this theory? Before or after you shared your bath with me?”

“After.”

Her doubts were understandable. He blamed her for them, anyway.

“How about, I meet my niece’s foster mother. She’s different from any woman I’ve ever met. I want to get to know her. And the more I do, the more she’s in my thoughts all day long—”

“Can you honestly tell me those thoughts don’t include the fact that I can help you get Carrie?”

“My interest in you doesn’t have anything to do with that.”

“But you still hope I’ll help.”

“Of course I do.”

“Like I said, last night was a mistake.” She started to close the door.

“Wait.” Rick shoved his foot between the door and the jamb. “I hope you’ll help,” he said, “but last night…my interest in you…that has nothing to do with Carrie.”

“Uh-huh. And will it still be there if I recommend that your niece be placed with your mother?”

He didn’t like the question. “I think so.” His answer was instant, and honest.

“But you aren’t sure.”

“Last night did not happen with any thought in mind of you helping me with Carrie. I was thinking of you. Period.”

She glanced down—so did he—and saw her toes curling around the edge of the door frame.

“I don’t want a serious relationship,” she said when she glanced back up.

She’d said that before. “How about friendship?”

“I’m not going to help you with Carrie. If I think she’d be better off with your mother, I’m going to say so.”

“I know.”

“And you’re okay with that.”

“Not really. But I’ve been forewarned.”

“And you still want to be my friend?”

“I still want to explore last night further.”

When Sue grimaced, the tension between them escalated. “You’re not easy to peg, Rick Kraynick. Or to ignore.”

“Neither are you, Ms. Bookman. So at least we have that going for us, huh?”

She leaned back against the doorjamb, her arms crossed over her chest. “What makes you so…difficult?”

“Me? I’m as simple as they come. Boring, even.”

Her burst of laughter made him smile. “How does it work when you need time to yourself?” he asked. “With the kids, I mean?”

“Same as any other parent with kids. I call a sitter. One of the other foster mothers and I trade off whenever we can.”

“You think she’d be available one afternoon this week?”

“Which one?”

“Any one you’ll agree to spend with me.”

“Tuesday?”

“Tuesday. You think you can arrange it?”

Sue said she would. And before Rick made it back to his place, she’d already called him on his cell and told him that Tuesday was a go. She was going to meet him in the parking lot at school with her bike.

She talked to him for another hour while he sat in his underground parking lot, and had him laughing as she told him about embarrassing moments growing up with her dedicated parents. How they’d wear matching shirts with slogans, traipse through the grocery store as a threesome and flip coins in the middle of the aisle over ice cream flavors. And they showed up at lunch on the first day of school—every year until she started high school.

She had him laughing. Out loud.

Damn, that felt good.

His BUTT LOOKED EVEN better on a bike seat than it did in tight jeans. The deep tenor of his voice, familiar to her, from their phone conversations, distracted her from the vision. He told her about his climb from teacher to principal to administration in the Livingston school district—the system she’d attended—as they rode up and down streets she’d once walked on a regular basis. Some had changed. Some were exactly the same.

They were on their way to a new bike path he’d told her about. Along the route of an old railroad track, a paved path that stretched for more than twenty miles.

“This feels fabulous.” Dressed in black leggings and a matching long-sleeved formfitting tunic, she smiled over at him. “I used to ride all the time, but with the babies, I hardly ever have a chance anymore.”

“What do you do for exercise?”

“I used to hike Twin Peaks while Grandma played with the babies. But now that Grandma’s gone…”

There it was again. That reminder. Every single reminder was like finding out again, for the first time, that Grandma had died.

And that she’d lied.

“Sounds like the two of you were close.” Rick’s green eyes made Sue feel things she’d never felt before…as though he knew her better than anyone else ever had.

Which was ridiculous. Everybody knew how close she was to her grandmother. She was just vulnerable because she was missing Grandma.

“Very,” she said, turning her gaze back to the path in front of them, the trees sprouting new spring leaves. And she wanted the ride to last forever.

“They say it gets easier,” he said softly.

“That’s what I hear.”

“I’m not sure they know what they’re talking about.”

“You sound as though you’re speaking from experience, aside from your sister, that is.”

“I guess I am.”

“Recent experience?” Had he been in love? And she’d died?

Rick’s shrug gave Sue the idea she was on the right path. Did he find the subject difficult to talk about?

“How come you never married?” she asked, hoping to draw him out if he wanted to share with her.

Hoping he wanted to share with her.

He pedaled along easily. “She said no.”

Sue almost skidded off the path. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Seven years.”

“Is she still alive?” Sue asked gently.

“As far as I know.”

“Do you ever hear from her?”

“Briefly, six months ago.”

So much for the lost love theory.

“And you haven’t met anyone since?”

“I wasn’t looking.”

“Married to the job, huh?” she guessed. He’d climbed the career ladder quickly.

“Maybe. I’m told I work too much.”