Her Baby Wish

After Trace had left the house, she hadn’t been able to finish her work until well after midnight. Then she lay awake a long time, reliving her husband’s visit, their kiss.

Trace’s familiar taste. The way he held her, reminding her how well their bodies meshed together. She delighted in the fact she could still make his control slip, just as hers had. She had to stop herself from trying to convince him to stay and make love to her.

Oh God, it had been a long time since Trace had touched her.

“Mrs. McKane, are you all right?”

Kira shook away the fantasy and glanced at her student, Jody Campbell. “Oh, Jody. Yes, I’m fine. Just a lot of things on my mind.” She picked up her pace toward the counselors’ office, realizing the student was staying right with her. “What are you doing out of class?”

“Mr. Douglas let me leave early because I needed to see you.” The pretty girl hesitated. “It’s about volunteer time at the retirement home. All the kids voted it as our class project, but some don’t have enough hours to come to the senior roundup.”

“Give me the list and I’ll talk to them,” Kira said as she stopped at the counseling department’s door and took the paper.

Seeing Jody reminded her that she’d gotten a notice from her English teacher. The promising student’s work had been suffering the past month. Kira hated that her own personal distractions had caused her to neglect one of the best students in the senior class.

“Why don’t you come back at three o’clock? We should talk.”

Jody hesitated again. “I work at four so I need to catch the three-thirty bus.”

She couldn’t let this slip any longer, not with finals next week. “Well, I could give you a lift if you like and we can have a quick chat.”

Her once-enthusiastic student kept her eyes cast down. “Okay.”

Kira signed Jody’s pass and sent her off to class just as the bell rang. She walked inside the guidance office and into the first glass cubicle. She hated being distracted from her work. And these last few weeks, it had been especially difficult for her to keep focused on a job she was crazy about. She loved doing extra things to stay involved with the teenagers.

Kira was the sponsor for this year’s senior class, including all activities. Doing service hours and giving back to the community was an important part of their curriculum. It helped to develop their social skills, and it looked good on their college applications. She rewarded those students with senior roundup at McKane Ranch.

Winchester Ridge was a small ranching town, but the teenagers loved to spend the day helping with the roundup and branding. Followed by a barbecue and barn dance that closed out their senior year with wonderful memories.

Kira sank into her desk chair. Not all kids were that lucky. Suddenly the last fifteen years faded away as her thoughts went back to her own high school days. Shy and naive, she’d been passed around to so many different foster homes it had been difficult to make friends. So when someone gave her attention, she’d been eager for it, and easy to be taken advantage of. Those lonely years had been a big motivator for her career choice.

At the sound of the knock on her door, Kira looked up to see her fellow counselor and friend, Michelle Turner, peer in.

“Michele,” she greeted. “Are you coming for the meeting?”

“It’s been postponed until one o’clock,” her friend said as she walked inside the small enclosure and closed the door. “Kira, are you all right?”

She gave her friend a bright smile. “I’m fine.”

The young teacher sat down in the only other chair. “No, you’re not.”

Kira shook her head. Michele had been the one person she’d confided in about her inability to conceive. The fellow teacher had been her first friend when she’d come to the western Colorado town. “No, really. We’ve gotten word from the adoption agency.”

Michele’s pretty blue eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s great news.” She frowned. “Why so sad?”

Kira shrugged. “Hormones, probably. And Trace. He’s a little hesitant about the idea.”

Michele leaned forward. “You two have been through a lot over this and now that you’re so close to having a baby, he’s probably a little scared.”

And he wants his own child, Kira added silently. “It’s more.” She looked her friend in the eye, knowing she’d never betray her confidence. “It hasn’t been easy living with me this last year.”

“You’ve gone through a lot, trying to have a baby.”

Kira released a shuttering breath. “Trace moved out to the bunkhouse two months ago.”

“Oh, Kira.” Michele shook her head. “Isn’t that just like a man? When they can’t deal with things, they up and leave. Well, I know Trace loves you.”

And Kira wasn’t so sure of that anymore. “I might have pushed him too far this time. We both said things that can’t be taken back.” She recalled the hurtful words she’d thrown at him. And yesterday she mentioned the “D” word. It was all or nothing now.

“Then march out to that bunkhouse and convince him to come back home.”

“I’m not sure that will work.”

“How do you know if you don’t try? So go and seduce your husband.” Michele glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get back. Can we do lunch later in the week?”

“Sure. Are you going to help chaperone at the roundup?”

Michele grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it. Is your good-looking brother-in-law going to be there?”

Kira was surprised by her friend’s interest in Jarrett. “I’m not sure.”

Michelle waved off the question then hugged her. “I’ll see you later.” She walked out.

Kira leaned back in her chair. Could she get Trace to come back home, and get him to change his mind about the divorce? Could they work together to repair their mess of a marriage?

She thought back to the last time Trace had wanted to be close to her. In the weeks before he’d moved out, her once-loving husband hadn’t wanted to touch her, or even be in the same house with her. And she couldn’t blame him. The sad part was she’d driven him out. Out of his own home.

Trace loved the McKane Ranch, one of the oldest in the area. He was a cattleman like his father and grandfather before him. There had been times when she was a little jealous of his dedication, maybe if he’d talk about the operation with her it would help. Even when he’d bought out part of his brother’s land, she hadn’t been asked anything about it until it came time to sign the loan papers. She just wanted to feel like a part of his dreams.

Kira felt her chest tighten with the familiar ache. The same feeling she’d had when she’d lost her parents in the accident and her grandmother wouldn’t take her into her home. Rejection. When she had to go into foster care, then from home to home. Rejection. When she fell in love with the first boy who gave her the time of day, he’d abandoned her, too. Rejection. Now, her marriage…

Kira sat up straighter. Why was she thinking so much about the past? She’d worked so hard to put those years behind her. A glance at the calendar gave her the answer. It was approaching the seventh of June. Fifteen years had passed and it still hurt like a fresh wound.

No! This baby was going to change things. She was going to have her family, even if it was only part of one.

“Kira…”

She turned around to see Trace at the door. He was dressed in his usual jeans and Western shirt, his cowboy hat in his hand. With her heart pounding, she stood. “Trace.” He never came to her school. “Is something wrong?”

“Do you have some time to talk?”

“Sure.” She stepped aside. “Come in.”

He glanced around the busy office. “I’d rather go somewhere else. Can you leave for a while?”

She checked her watch. “I’m free for the next hour.”

“Let’s go for some coffee.”

“Sure.” Kira grabbed her purse, stepped out into the hall and together they walked out of the building. When Trace placed his hand against the small of her back, she shivered.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” she lied. “I’m fine. I just need some coffee.”

He gave her a sideways glance. “You should switch to decaf.”

She studied his profile. Trace McKane had always been serious by nature. He didn’t smile easily, but when he did he was irresistible.

They were quiet as he helped her to his truck, then drove past all the recently built, chain restaurants to the older section of Winchester Ridge to Bonnie’s Diner. Still a favorite with the locals.

They took a booth by the picture window. The red vinyl seats were worn and cracked, repaired by tape over the years. The place was clean and the food good. Right now, there weren’t any customers, only the sound of a country ballad coming from the old fifties-style jukebox.

Trace signaled the waitress for two coffees and sat down across from Kira. He wondered if he should have waited until she got home to talk with her.

After what happened between them last night, he should be staying away from her, completely. But here he was, sitting across from her. Just looking at her had him working to breathe normally. Nothing had changed. Kira Hyatt had gotten to him from the moment he laid eyes on her, right here in this diner. It had been the only time he’d ever won out against his older sibling. For once Jarrett hadn’t gotten the girl. Younger brother, Trace had.

But Trace had nothing now. Not a wife. Not a marriage. It helped to remember the bad times. That kept him from storming back into the house they’d shared for five years. To a life he’d thought was perfect, but reality hit and he’d learned nothing was perfect. That it hit home again as he recalled that Kira only wanted a six-month marriage.

The waitress placed their mugs on the table. The older woman, Alice Burns, gave them a warm smile. She’d worked here for as long as he could remember. “Well, how are Mr. and Mrs. McKane doin’ today?”

“Just fine, Alice,” Trace answered.

“How’s your granddaughter?” Kira asked.

The fifty-something woman grinned. “Best not get me started on little Emily. But she’s gonna have to share me soon because Carol’s pregnant again. A boy this time.”

Kira’s smile froze. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”

Alice eyed the couple. “You two should think about having a few yourselves.” Before they could answer, the waitress walked away.

Trace watched Kira fight her emotions as she took a drink.

“Alice didn’t know, Kira,” Trace said.

“I know that.” Kira wrapped a strand of golden-blond hair behind her ear, leaving the wispy bangs along her forehead. “Why did you need to see me?”

Okay this was all business. “A woman from the adoption agency called after you left.”

Her brown eyes widened. “So soon. What did she say?”

“I didn’t get to talk to her. Just a message on the machine. It just said that she’d call back again.”

“Darn, I wonder if she’ll call the office.” She glanced at him. “Did she leave a number where I could reach her?”

It hurt when she used the word “I” and not “we”. He pulled the paper from his pocket and slid it across the table. “I don’t think you should call her just yet.”

She looked hurt. “But I have to.”

“What are you going to tell her, Kira?”

She blinked at him. “We’re just talking to her, Trace. I don’t want to delay the process, it takes a long time. We’re probably just going to be put on a waiting list.”

“I still have to pretend we’re married.”

“You are married—to me.” She lost her attitude. “But as I told you the baby will be my responsibility.”

So she hadn’t changed her mind. He was to do nothing concerning the child. “We aren’t even living under the same roof.”

“I never asked you to move out in the first place.”

“You know why I did, Kira. We were headed for disaster.” He’d hated leaving, and if she’d asked him to stay just once, he would have in a heartbeat. Now, it was too late.

She sighed. “Please, just listen to what Mrs. Fletcher has to say, that’s all I ask.”

“Okay, I’ll talk with the woman. See what she has to say.”

“Really?” Tears flooded her eyes. “Oh, Trace, thank you.”

He raised a hand. “Don’t thank me, yet. I’ll agree to another home visit. Afterward we’ll see where we go from there. I can’t commit to anything more.”

She nodded. “Does that mean you’re moving back to the house?”

Before Trace could come up with an answer they were interrupted.

“Well, look who’s wandered in off the range.”

They both glanced up to see Jarrett McKane standing at their table. He was tall, athletic and good-looking. He knew it, too. Jarrett knew a lot of things, all you had to do was ask him.

Trace straightened. He didn’t want his half brother here. Not now. “Hello, Jarrett.”

“Trace.” His brother turned to Kira. “Hello, pretty sister-in-law.”

Kira smiled. “Hi, Jarrett.”

Grabbing a chair, he turned it around and straddled it. He glanced between the two of them. “You two look serious. There wouldn’t be trouble in paradise, would there? Kira, you just let me know if this guy isn’t treating you right and I’ll knock some sense into him.”

Kira shifted in her seat as she continued to smile at her brother-in-law. “Everything is fine, Jarrett, but thanks for asking.”

At their first meeting when Kira arrived in town, Jarrett had laid on his easy chair but it hadn’t taken her long to realize that Jarrett McKane was out for himself. He was attentive to his women though, but that was another problem, there were a lot of women.

Both brothers were handsome, but Jarrett had been the school sports hero and a college graduate. Meanwhile Trace had stayed and worked on the ranch with his father, going to college locally.

“Anytime.” He looked at Trace. “I need to talk to you about our arrangement. Could you come to my office?”

“Later. Kira and I are talking right now.”

“Seems like you could do that at home. Hell, you sleep in the same bed.” There was a wicked look in Jarrett’s eyes. “That’s right. It’s branding time so you sleep out with your calves.” He winked at Kira. “Makes for a lonely wife left at home.”

“And sometimes I sleep out with the calves, too,” Kira said, worried things might come to blows.

The brothers had never been close. Jarrett had been six years old when his mother died, and his father, John, remarried Claire, and a year later she had given birth to Trace. The distance had grown when their parents retired and moved to a warmer climate in Arizona. Now, both parents had passed away.

“My brother’s a lucky man to have you. Although I tried my best, he won you fair and square.” He winked at Kira. “But it’s still a long way to go before the score is even, bro.”

Later that afternoon, Trace rode toward the barn. After returning from town, he’d saddled up Thunder and went out to check the herd. He’d wasted the morning already when he needed to finish things before the roundup.

He rotated his tired shoulders, felt his eyes burn, a sure sign that lack of sleep had taken a toll on him. And confronting his brother hadn’t exactly made his day. He’d wanted to spend more time with Kira, but they hadn’t managed that, either. So far, they’d talked very little of what was most important to him: their marriage.

Trace climbed off his horse and walked him into the barn. The immaculately clean structure had been the result of too much time on his hands. Since moving to the bunkhouse, he’d tried to stay busy, and his already organized barn had gotten a complete sweep, with every piece of tack on the property being cleaned or polished.

It had been his sleep time that suffered. Even his fatigue hadn’t helped him on those long nights. He walked his stallion into the stall, removed the saddle and carried it to the tack room. On his way out, he ran into his foreman, Cal.

“Hey, Trace. What’s up?”

“You tell me, Cal,” he said. “How many men have you got for the roundup?”

The forty-one-year-old foreman, Jonah Calhoun, took off his hat and scratched his gray-streaked brown hair. A single man, he’d worked for the McKane Ranch for years, and was also Trace’s friend. “Besides our two part-time hands, another half a dozen like you asked. I also ran into Joel and Hal Lewis at the feed store. They’re willing to come and help out, too, as long as we can give them a hand next month.”

Trace nodded. “Can do. I’ll give them a call.”

Together, they walked back to Thunder’s stall. Trace removed the horse’s bridle and blanket, then took the brush and began grooming him.

Cal snapped his fingers. “Oh, I forgot, your brother stopped by earlier, looking for you.”

Trace didn’t like Jarrett dogging him. “He found me at the diner.”

Cal frowned. “I thought you went to see Kira.”

Trace nodded. “We went for coffee.”

The foreman smiled. “Good idea, take her to the place where you two met.”

“I just wanted to talk to her. Alone.”

The smile grew bigger. “Get anything settled?” Then he raised his hand. “Sorry, Trace, that’s none of my business. I’m just glad you two got together.”

Trace continued to stroke the animal. “We were talking until Jarrett showed up.”

The foreman’s eyes narrowed. “He seemed bent on seeing you. What’s he up to?”

Cal knew as well as Trace that Jarrett never did anything unless it benefited him. “He probably wants to know when that last payment I owe him is coming.”

The foreman frowned. He knew the conditions of the loan. “Are you late?”

Trace shook his head. “No, but I’m not sure I can make the full amount on the final payment.” He could lose it all.

“Would your brother give you more time? I mean, with the market the way it is.”

“I doubt it. When has he ever done me a favor?”

Five years ago, Jarrett couldn’t wait to sell off most of his share of the ranch, and offered Trace the first opportunity to buy it. Trace hadn’t hesitated, but things had been tight this past year, and the payment was due to Jarrett in thirty days.

“I might have to sell the breeding bulls.”

“No way. You need another year or two to build the herd. There’s some serious money in those guys. Rocky will sire some good stock.”

Trace put down the brush. “But I can get ready cash for them. Joel Lewis is interested. And I can’t lose everything now.” His thoughts turned to Kira. He could lose more than the ranch.

“You know Lewis is mostly talk. Look, Trace, I have some money saved I could loan you.”

Trace was touched by the offer. “Thanks, Cal, I’m grateful for the offer, but it’s not a good idea to borrow from friends.”

“Maybe I want to invest if Jarrett is threatening you. Not a full partnership, but just a percentage of the place.” Kind light-blue eyes studied Trace. “Well, maybe you can talk it over with Kira before you nix the idea.”

Trace walked out of the stall. “She’s never shown much interest in the running of the ranch.”

“Maybe she would this time.”

Trace pushed his hat back and sighed. He didn’t want to add to their troubles. “She has enough on her mind.”

Cal nodded. “If you say so. Well, I guess I better go put away the feed that was delivered.”

Trace stopped him. “Has Kira said something to you?”

“No. She just always asks about things, and seems genuinely interested when I tell her.” The foreman shrugged. “But I can’t tell you how to talk to your wife, Trace.”

He hadn’t been talking to Kira at all until she’d come to see him yesterday. And she wasn’t going to be his wife much longer. “Hell, I’ve been living in the bunkhouse for the past two months. I haven’t been doing such a great job of it myself.”

“And you don’t need a lecture from me. But I think if there are problems with the missus, living out here and keeping things from her isn’t the best way for fixin’ things between you.”

Cal was probably the only one who knew about their problems. “The adoption agency notified us. Kira wants me to move back to the house and pretend we’re a happy couple.”

A smile appeared on his friend’s face. “You don’t look very happy about it.”

“All she wants is six months. After the adoption becomes final she’s going to leave.”

Cal raised an eyebrow then he said, “I know it’s been rough. Kira’s gone through a lot and she wants a baby.”

“So do I. And how can I just walk away from a child?”

“Who says you have to? You can still be the kid’s father, Kira’s husband. Who’s to say you can’t get an extension on the six months?”

So much had already passed between them, so much hurt. He didn’t know if they could go back to how it was before. “I don’t know if I can.”

“If you’re not ready, then take it slow.”

Trace never had been one who shared things, but Cal was as close as they came. He valued his opinion, and advice. “She wants me to stay in the house but not in the same room.”

His friend smiled slowly. “Hey, it’s a start.”

“Trace?”

At the sound of Kira’s voice, he turned to find her standing in the barn entrance, holding a bag of groceries.

“Kira.” He walked toward her and took the sack from her. “Is there a problem?” Great, is that all he could come up with?

She glanced away shyly. “I had an easy afternoon at school and decided to cook supper.” She looked at Cal and smiled. “Hello, Jonah.”

“Kira, it’s nice to see you.”

“It’s nice to see you, too. I hope you’re ready for about thirty teenagers coming out.”

“Are we ever ready?”

Kira laughed. “I guess not, but it’s fun.”

Trace found he was jealous of their easy banter. “Is there a reason you came to see me?”

Kira looked at him. “I wanted to ask if you’d come to supper.” She turned back to Cal. “You’re welcome, too, Jonah.”

The foreman blushed. “Thank you for the invitation, Kira, but it’s my bowling night.” He tipped his hat. “I should finish up my chores.” He leaned toward his friend and whispered, “Slow and easy.” Cal turned and walked out.

“What did he say?” Kira asked.

He shrugged. “Just something I need to remember.”

An hour later when Trace stepped inside the house, the scent of apples and cinnamon teased his nose. Ordinarily he didn’t take time to look around; he’d grown up in this house, but today he was mindful of it all.

A wide staircase led to a second floor where there were four large bedrooms. The living room was painted gray-green to offset the dark woodwork and floors. An overstuffed green sofa faced the used-brick fireplace.

That was when he noticed them, Kira’s touches. An easy chair she’d bought for him right after they were married, saying he needed a place to relax. The large coffee table where the photo album of his childhood rested. More family pictures hung on the brightly painted walls. His family, not hers. He remembered her saying she lost her parents’ pictures while moving around in foster care. He’d never thought much about her being alone in her life. She’d always seemed so outgoing and everyone liked her.

Trace moved quickly down the hall through the dining room, which was a sunny-gold color trimmed in oak wainscoting. The scent of lemon oil rose from the long, drop-leaf oak table and eight high-back chairs that had also belonged to his parents. He entered the kitchen, the one room that he and Kira had changed. And it had needed it. Everything had been out-of-date, from the appliances to the cupboards. Just a few months after their small wedding, the room had been gutted and everything was replaced.

A bowl of red apples sat on the round maple table. Everything looked the same, but it wasn’t. He wanted desperately to push time back to when everything was perfect in his marriage.

He found Kira at the counter, taking pieces of chicken from the skillet. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Hi.”

He had trouble finding the words. “Hi. Am I too early?”

“No. Just in time.”

His gaze combed over her. He was starved for her. Denying himself the pleasure she could give him had been punishing. Today she had on one of her prim schoolteacher blouses, his favorite, a rose-pink one that brought out the color of her skin.