The Baby Gift: Wishing for a Miracle

‘So…’ Having made the resolution, Julia impulsively reached out to turn down the volume of the radio. ‘Fair’s fair, Mac.’

He shot her a wary glance.

‘I mean, I’m feeling at a disadvantage now. Like I haven’t had my turn.’

The look was a frown this time. ‘I’m not following you. What have I had that you haven’t?’

‘Information.’

‘Such as?’

‘Well, you know a lot more about me than I do about you.’

Mac was staring into the side mirror, watching for an opportunity to change lanes. ‘Not that much.’

‘Enough,’ Julia said firmly. She switched off the tiny voice at the back of her mind that was suggesting she might be making a mistake here. ‘It’s my turn,’ she continued. ‘I want to know about you.’

Mac was still concentrating on his driving. He changed lanes twice and then indicated an upcoming turn but Julia was watching his face just as carefully and she saw something in the softening of his features that suggested her interest might not be unwelcome. That encouragement was more than enough to switch off that annoying little voice.

‘You know heaps,’ Mac said. ‘How old I am, where I come from, where I did my training. How I like my coffee.’ He gave her just the hint of a crooked smile. ‘All the important stuff.’

Julia laughed, shaking her head. ‘That last one’s going to come back and bite you, mate. And I’m not talking about work stuff. I’m talking about the kinds of things friends might talk about. We are friends, aren’t we?’

Friends. It was such a nice, safe word. She could definitely detect a lessening of any tension in the atmosphere now.

‘You want to talk about football? Wrestling, maybe?’

Julia’s breath hitched. No, not wrestling. ‘That’s boy stuff,’ she said dismissively. ‘I’m talking family. Like what you know about me. Brothers, sisters, exwives…that sort of thing.’

Oh…God! What on earth had made that come out? This wasn’t the time to diffuse tension by cracking stupid jokes.

Mac looked as startled as she was herself. ‘You want to know about my ex-wife?’

Julia swallowed. ‘You have one?’

A tiny pause and then a huff of sound that had an unmistakably ironic twinge. ‘No.’

She had to laugh again, to hide the flash of…what was it, relief? Elation? Something entirely inappropriate, anyway. This was supposed to be a joke. Something light that would make Mac smile.

‘That’s two,’ she told him sternly. ‘Any more and I can’t promise you’ll survive the retribution.’

Mac chuckled. ‘OK, shoot. My past history is an open book.’

Was it? Could she ask about the blonde woman?

No. She didn’t want to know. It was none of her business because this was about friendship, not romance.

‘Brothers?’

‘Nope.’

‘Sisters?’

‘Nope.’

‘You’re an only child?’

Mac sighed. ‘Did you really get your degree with honours?’

Julia ignored the insult. ‘I wouldn’t have picked it, that’s all.’

‘Why? Do I seem spoilt? Self-centred and socially insensitive or something?’

‘Not at all.’ The idea of applying any of those criticisms to Mac was ludicrous. ‘I was kind of an only child myself, you know, what with Anne turning into my mother.’

Mac turned off onto another road and Julia saw the sign indicating the route to the Eastern Infirmary—the hospital they were heading for. This conversation would have to end very soon and she hadn’t stepped off first base, really. Mac was going all silent again so it was up to her to say something.

‘It’s just that you’re such a people person,’ she said carefully. ‘You get on so well with everybody and you love kids. I had this picture in my head of you being the oldest in a big family. The big brother, you know?’

Mac turned into the car park. ‘I wish,’ he said quietly, choosing an empty slot to swing the vehicle into. ‘A big family was something I always dreamed of.’ He pulled on the hand brake and cut the engine.

Something inside Julia died right along with the engine.

The tiny hope that this could have been something. That they didn’t have to bury that kiss and make it go away.

It was something in Mac’s tone. A wistfulness that told her a big family was a dream that mattered a lot. Something he hadn’t had as a child but he could—and should—be able to realise it as a father.

The road that led further than that kiss could never go in that direction and she owed it to Mac not to let either of them take it further.

Not that he was showing the slightest sign of wanting to but she could have kept hoping and now she wasn’t going to. And that was good. Any potential for an emotional ride that could only end in a painful crash was being removed.

‘Come on, then.’ Julia reached for the door latch. ‘Let’s go and find Ken.’

Their spinal injury patient from the train carriage was still in the intensive care unit but he was awake and seemed delighted to see his visitors.

‘Hey, Jules! You’ve come to see me.’

‘I said I would.’ Julia’s smile was lighting up her whole face and it wasn’t just Ken who was captured by its warmth. Mac had to make an effort to look away and find something else compelling enough to compete with that smile.

‘I probably won’t need surgery.’ Ken sounded tired but quite happy to discuss his treatment with the person who’d played such a big part in his rescue.

‘That’s fantastic,’ Julia said. ‘So the doctors are happy with you?’

‘So far. They’ve warned me it’s going to be a long road to any recovery and they said we won’t know how bad things will end up being until after the spinal shock wears off, and that can take weeks.’

Julia was nodding, her face sympathetic. Then she glanced up at the wall behind his bed which was plastered with get-well cards.

‘So many cards,’ she said. ‘You’re a popular man, Ken. I reckon I’d be lucky to get two if I was lying in that bed.’

‘I doubt that.’ Ken’s tone was admiring. So was the gaze he had fixed on Julia. Mac felt a kind of growl rumbling in his chest. He cleared his throat.

‘What was the verdict?’ he asked. ‘As far as damage?’

‘A fracture/dislocation in C6/7 and a fracture in…um…I think it was T8. Does that mean anything?’

Mac smiled. ‘Sure does. Any changes in your symptoms in the last couple of days?’

‘The pins and needles have gone from my hands. I’ve got them in my feet instead but they say that’s a good thing.’

‘It is,’ Julia agreed. ‘And the earlier you see an improvement, the more likely things are to end up better than you might expect.’

‘Pretty much what my doctor said.’ Ken had that slightly awed tone back again. ‘You really know your stuff, don’t you?’

‘I’m still learning.’ Julia’s gaze flicked to Mac and she smiled.

The smile said that she was learning from him and that she was grateful. It made Mac feel important. Necessary. He had things he could give her, like knowledge and new skills. Not that he hadn’t already been doing that but it seemed more significant now. The way everything happening between them did.

The pleasurable pride faded abruptly, however, as Mac realised what that significance was. Julia had just reminded him of his position as her mentor. Of her passion for her career and why she was here.

The sound of their pagers curtailed the visit. Julia promised to visit again on her next day off and Mac was aware of another unpleasant splash of emotion.

Jealousy?

If it was, it was easily dealt with because Mac also realised that Julia had just handed him exactly what he needed.

The key to be able to lock that box.

It wasn’t that the reminder of Christine hadn’t been enough to warn him off. This was a bonus. Julia wasn’t just a woman whose career was the most important thing to her, he was her senior colleague. Her teacher. In a position of authority. To step over professional boundaries into anything more personal simply wasn’t acceptable and his reputation and status in his chosen field of work were everything to him.

This was the key.

He would talk to Julia about spinal injuries on their way to this callout. He would quiz her about spinal oedema and paralytic ileus and the scientific evidence that an early infusion of methyl prednisolone could minimise any ongoing damage to the spinal cord.

And when they were at the job they could talk about that patient. Analyse the job on the way home. Anything that would foster professionalism.

Yes. The key was in its slot and Mac was confident that it would turn smoothly.

The danger was over.

Chapter Five

‘DO SEIZURES in the first week after a head injury indicate a risk of future epilepsy?’

‘No.’

‘Why are they serious, then?’

Julia sat down at the messroom table. ‘They can cause hypoxic brain damage.’

‘How?’

She opened the paper bag to extract the lunch she had purchased at a nearby noodle house. Hers was a chili chicken mix and Mac had gone for beef and black beans. He was using a fork and she had chopsticks but it wasn’t the differences in their meal or implement choices that was bothering her right now. It wasn’t even because Joe had taken his lunch out the back somewhere so he could have a chat to his wife on the phone while he ate, thereby depriving Julia of some ordinary, stress-free conversation.

No. What was bothering her was that it had been nearly three days since they’d gone to visit Ken and something had flicked a switch in Mac in the wake of that hospital visit. He’d turned into the mentor from hell. Julia felt like she was either listening to a lecture, taking an exam or demonstrating practical skills to an assessor. He was perfectly friendly and smiling as much as he ever had. He was taking an interest in her training that could only be described as keen and he clearly wanted to help her challenge herself and learn more. He was also very quick to praise anything and everything she did well.

And it was driving her around the bend!

OK, so the kiss had been a mistake. They both knew that. She’d been content that they’d reset the ground rules so that friendship was permissible but somehow, after that visit to Ken, Mac had changed the rules again and she didn’t understand why. Julia was becoming increasingly frustrated. No, actually, she was getting seriously annoyed.

He was safe. She wasn’t about to ambush him again and jump his bones. No matter how attractive the prospect, she had dismissed any notion of the fling Anne had advocated, never mind anything with more significance.

So why did she feel like the bad guy here? Like that kiss had liquefied and then formed a glass wall that Mac was determined not to crack. Or look through even. By making it so obvious that he was keeping his distance, he was making things worse.

Instead of being able to forget the kiss and move on, this was making her more and more aware of him. He was probably picking up on that and that was making him feel threatened and retreat further.

A vicious circle.

With an inward sigh, Julia tried to distract herself…yet again.

She opened her cardboard box and sniffed appreciatively. ‘Mmm. Good choice, going to the noodle house.’ Looking up to see if Mac was enjoying his food, she found he had an eyebrow raised expectantly.

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake,’ she muttered under her breath, snapping the disposable chopsticks apart. ‘Fine.’ She raised her voice and spoke very quickly. ‘Brain damage occurs because a seizure involves maximal brain metabolism and increased muscle metabolism. This consumes oxygen and glucose, which leads to hypoxia. Or they may induce airway obstruction and possibly temporary respiratory arrest, which will also cause hypoxia. A brain deprived of oxygen for too long becomes irreversibly damaged. Can I eat my lunch now, please, sir?’

Something that could have been disappointment or even hurt showed in Mac’s face but his gaze slid away from hers instantly. The way it always seemed to now.

‘Sure,’ he said easily. ‘Enjoy.’

They ate in silence for a minute or two. Perversely, Julia wanted Mac to ask her something else. She wanted to hear his voice, even if it meant racking her brains to give him the correct answer to a question or an intelligent response to some information.

Or was it because of the feeling she had done something wrong? Upset him in some way? She had a delicious-looking piece of chicken caught between her chopsticks but hesitated with it in mid-air because she couldn’t help glancing across the table at Mac as she hit a mental rewind button to see if she had said or done anything unacceptable so far today.

Mac had just put a generous forkful of noodles into his mouth but one hadn’t quite made its destination, hanging from one corner. Julia’s gaze was captured. And then Mac put out the tip of his tongue to capture the errant noodle and she was aware of a wave of heat that nearly melted her into a puddle on her chair. It felt like a spark had been dropped into a tinder-dry forest somewhere in her abdomen and it caught with a flash like a small explosion. Heat radiated upwards. She could feel it reach her neck and head for her cheeks.

Her hand must have trembled slightly because she lost the grip on that piece of chicken and it fell and bounced down her overalls, leaving a trail of chilli sauce. Julia made a dive for it, snatching it up and putting it in her mouth, hoping she had reacted so quickly her clumsiness might go unnoticed.

She could feel Mac watching her, however. Could feel the tension making the air she was trying to breathe feel like treacle. Oh, God! Had he been watching her watching him lick up that noodle? That vicious circle spun faster. Out of control. This awareness was driving her just as crazy as Mac’s determination to be Super-Mentor.

Why couldn’t it just go away? If Mac trusted her, it would. A flicker of anger at the hidden insult was generated but confrontation was hardly going to help anything, was it?

‘Oops, busted!’The old habit of making a joke to defuse emotional overload was too hard to change. She grinned at Mac. ‘I’m a piglet!’

But Mac’s smile was tight and Julia felt like an idiot.

Repressed anger grew. She was doing her very best to sort this situation out but Mac wasn’t co-operating. At this rate, what had been a perfect partnership would be poisoned. They would end up actually disliking each other. Julia was already feeling the stirring of resentment that could very easily express itself as antagonism. She could feel her own smile freezing and her gaze hardening into a glare.

The sound of their pagers going off should have been a blessing but it only added fuel to the unpleasant emotional mix for Julia. Good grief! The enjoyment of her job was going down the drain and now she couldn’t even enjoy her food. Scowling, she pushed her chair back and went to the office to get the details of the job they were being dispatched to, ignoring Mac who was following close behind.

Joe was already in the office, looking at a wall map. ‘Police callout,’ he told them. ‘Incident in a known drug house.’

‘Great.’ SERT training involved the kind of specialist work that could come from this kind of police operation. Dealing with gunshot wounds or scenes where tear gas or pepper spray might be used. They usually involved people who had no respect for authority and for whom violence was merely a form of communication. Way down on Mac’s list of preferences any day. Taking Julia into a job like this was even less appealing.

Working with her at all was losing its appeal.

He had been doing so well since that visit to Ken. So confident he could handle this. And then she’d dropped that damned piece of chicken and stained her overalls and that mental key had shot out of its lock. He had lost control big time.

The fabric of those overalls had become invisible and given him such a clear image of what her breast beneath would look like. His body had supplied what it might feel like to touch it. With his fingers…a soft, slow stroke, maybe. Or with his lips…

The effort it had taken to drag his gaze away had been phenomenal and when he had, it had gone in the wrong direction and collided with hers for just long enough to register the way her pupils had dilated. With alarm, no doubt, because his reaction had hardly been subtle. Her skin had been flushed, too, making her look hotter and more enticing that that spicy sauce she had been throwing around.

‘I’m a piglet,’ she’d said, with that winning grin, and Mac had tried to smile back but he knew he hadn’t been forgiven. The look on her face when she’d scraped her chair back. The way she’d ignored him as she’d stomped off to the office. OK, so he’d slipped his control for a heartbeat. It wasn’t going to happen again. It was only a matter of weeks until she packed her bags and disappeared from his life. He wasn’t going to risk another slip and give Julia another opportunity to dismiss him like that. She could stop worrying. He was going to. He wasn’t even going to worry about the potential for this job to be no place for a woman.

‘Come on, then,’ he growled. ‘Let’s go and get it over with.’

It was only a short helicopter ride. They landed in an empty car park between railway lines and the back of a rundown housing estate. Moving to a safe point, Mac was all too aware of how deserted it felt. Dark, blank windows towered menacingly overhead. Tattered plastic bags blew around like tumbleweeds and they walked past a burnt-out car chassis and an off-licence with thick iron bars over its door.

Mac did his best to ignore it but every instinct was telling him that Julia shouldn’t be here. This was professional, not personal, he decided. For the first time they were in a situation where her size and gender were a liability. He had every reason to order her to stay with the police at ground level until this incident was done and dusted. It was part of being a mentor. It had nothing to do with any desire to drag her away and simply keep her safe because he cared about her in an inappropriate way.

Not that she’d co-operate, of course. Even him thinking about the possibility had given Julia time to march right up to the police van and wait expectantly for their briefing.

‘It was a neighbour who made the call,’ they were informed. ‘Sounds of a fight going on and shots were fired. Then there was a lot of screaming. Still is. As soon as we can be sure it’s safe to enter and we’ve found who’s doing the screaming, we’ll send you guys in.’

Mac eyed Julia, the words forming that would be an order for her to stay put while he went in alone. Except that he could almost see a balloon over his partner’s head right now. One that enclosed the words ‘I don’t think so, mate!’ They would end up having an argument in public and that would hardly be professional. Not only that, she might think he was trying to protect her for personal reasons.

The same kind of personal reasons she had just been disgusted with, having caught him staring at the food stain on her chest. Mac stared back at Julia, aware of how frustrating this was. Couldn’t she see that her feistiness only generated problems? If she hadn’t been waiting for him in that car park, that kiss would never have happened and he wouldn’t be struggling to keep the key in that mental box in his head. Or was it his heart? Wherever. It was huge and heavy and dragging him down. And it was more than frustrating. It was infuriating.

Fine, was the silent message he sent back. Do what you like. If you won’t listen to reason, be it on your own head.

It took a good thirty minutes for police to gain control of the scene. The occupants of the dwelling, who hadn’t been at all eager to allow the police inside, were hauled out in handcuffs. They were cursing and spitting as they were dragged past Mac and Julia and into the back of a secure van. A police officer close to Mac was kicked in the shins and shook his head in disgust.

‘There’s one more up there,’ he told Mac. ‘Have fun.’

The man lay on a filthy mattress in the corner of a room strewn with empty bottles, overflowing ashtrays, half-empty cans of food and piles of tattered clothing. His features were sharp, his hair long and scraggly and he clearly hadn’t washed or shaved for a considerable period of time.

‘Here he is.’ A police officer wearing a bulletproof vest stared down at the man, who was groaning loudly. He gave him a nudge with the toe of his boot and the man stopped groaning and began shouting obscenities.

‘Oi!’ The police officer looked unimpressed. ‘Mind your manners or I’ll send the medics away and we’ll just take you downtown. Do you want to get looked at or not?’

‘Not by him.’ The man spat in Mac’s direction and then bared yellowish teeth. ‘I’m no poofter. She can look at me.’ He leered in Julia’s direction.

Julia could see the way Mac’s features hardened. He wasn’t about to be given orders by someone like this. He was on the point of stepping forward and making this situation worse than it needed to be. She didn’t need his protection. She didn’t want it.

Those flickers of resentment and anger were easy to tap into. He couldn’t make her the bad guy and then step in and get all protective.

Damn the man. She didn’t need his attitude or his protection. She could look after herself. It was Julia who took the first forward step.

‘What’s the story?’ she asked the police officer.

‘Says he’s got a pain in his stomach.’

‘I have,’ the man sneered. ‘Don’t make it sound like I’m lying. Arghh!’ He groaned convincingly and clutched his abdomen. ‘I think I’m dying. Give me something. Hurry up!’

Julia avoided catching Mac’s gaze as she took in their surroundings again. Not that she needed to given the track marks she could see on the man’s arms but…yes, there were used syringes amongst the debris. This man was very likely to be a drug addict and this could be simply drug-seeking behavior. Mac would be thinking the same thing. He might disapprove of any intention on her part to take the performance too seriously.

But there had been a fight. Shots had been fired. An intrinsic part of this career she had chosen meant that judgment had to be put aside. Nobody could be left in pain or in danger of a condition being left untreated that could endanger their lives.

‘Says he got kicked in the gut,’ the police officer added. ‘There was a fight going on when we got here.’

Another two police officers were collecting weapons they’d found in the apartment. A sawn-off shotgun, knives, knuckle-dusters and ammunition were already in a pile near the door.

‘Have you been shot?’ Mac’s query was crisp. ‘Or stabbed?’

‘Get lost,’ the man told him. ‘I’m only gonna talk to her.’

‘Come on, Jules.’ Mac’s tone was icy. ‘If he’s not going to co-operate, we’re out of here. It’s obviously not life-threatening.’

‘Ahh!’ the man screamed. ‘Ahhh! Ahhhh!’

It was certainly a good impression of someone in agony. Julia shot Mac a warning glance. ‘Won’t hurt to take a look,’ she said.

‘I’m dying,’ the man howled. ‘Give me something…please, lady…’

‘Let me see.’ Julia took another step towards the mattress. ‘Pull up your shirt.’

There were no marks visible on an emaciated-looking midriff but it would require palpation to check whether there was any guarding or swelling which could indicate internal damage that might explain the man’s apparent agony.

Julia crouched. She hadn’t even got down to floor level when a skinny hand shot out and wrapped itself around her wrist, pulling her off balance.

‘Stop wasting time.’ the man spat. ‘Give me something now.’

The training given to deal with situations exactly like this meant that her reaction was instinctive. She wrenched her arm down sharply, towards the man’s thumb, which had to give way. Then she rolled out of reach, coming to her knees and lifting her head just in time to see her assailant’s other hand coming out from beneath a puddle of blanket, a blade glinting in his grasp.