A Forever Family: Their Christmas Delivery

‘OK. I’ll get Hope dressed again while you call the ambulance, and then I’ll throw on some clothes. Give me two minutes.’

She was as good as her word, he noticed, taking only a couple of minutes and not bothering with make-up or anything like that. Practical. He liked that.

‘They’ll be here in another five minutes,’ he said. ‘I told them we’d wait in the lobby.’

Between them, they tucked Hope into her Moses basket; Amy grabbed the notebook so they had a record of everything the baby had drunk, and they waited in the lobby until they saw the ambulance pull up outside.

‘Josh! You’re the last person I expected to see—nobody thought you were even dating anyone, let alone had a new baby,’ the paramedic said.

Oh, help. He could really do without any gossip at work. ‘The baby’s not mine,’ he said hastily.

The paramedic looked intrigued. ‘So you’re helping your...’ she glanced at Amy ‘...friend.’

‘The baby’s not mine, either,’ Amy said. ‘We’re looking after her temporarily.’

The paramedic’s eyes rounded. ‘Together?’

‘We’re neighbours,’ Josh added. ‘And you might have seen something about the baby in the news.’

‘Oh, hang on—is this the Christmas Eve doorstep baby?’

‘Yes. Her name’s Hope,’ Amy said, ‘and she’s got a temperature.’

‘Thirty-eight degrees, axillary,’ Josh said, ‘and we stripped her off and gave her cooled boiled water, but we don’t have any liquid paracetamol. I need blood tests and urine analysis to rule out a bacterial infection. She’s not floppy or drowsy so I’m not panicking, but given her age and the fact that we don’t know the circumstances of her birth or anything about her medical history...’

The paramedic patted his arm. ‘Josh, you’re off duty. Stop worrying. We’ll handle it. Right now you count as a patient, not staff. Are you coming in with her?’

‘We both are,’ Josh said.

* * *

It was the first time Amy had ever travelled in an ambulance. And even though Josh was able to answer most of the paramedic’s questions and she had the notes about Hope’s feeds, it was still a worrying experience.

Especially when the paramedic put a tiny oxygen mask on the baby.

‘What’s wrong?’ Amy asked.

‘It’s a precaution,’ Josh said. Clearly he could tell how worried she was, because he took her hand and squeezed it to reassure her. Somehow her fingers ended up curled just as tightly round his.

The drive to hospital was short, but it felt as if it took for ever. And when Hope was whisked into cubicles the second they arrived, with the doctor acknowledging them but asking them to wait outside, Amy’s worries deepened.

‘It’s routine,’ Josh said. ‘They’ll be taking blood and urine samples to check if she’s got an infection.’

‘But why can’t we stay with her?’ Amy asked. ‘I mean, I know we’re not her actual parents, but...’

‘I know.’ His fingers tightened round hers. ‘As I said, it’s routine and we’re just going to get in the way. We need to let the team do their job.’

‘You work here. Doesn’t that make a difference?’ Amy asked.

He shook his head.

And then a really nasty thought struck her. He’d said that new babies couldn’t regulate their temperatures that well. If Hope had an infection and her temperature shot up... Could she die?

Time felt as if it had just stopped.

‘Josh. Tell me she’s not going to...’ The word stuck in her throat.

He looked at her, and she could see her own fears reflected in his blue eyes.

‘We have to wait for the test results,’ he said.

The baby wasn’t theirs—or at least was only theirs temporarily—but right then Amy felt like a real parent, anxious for news and trying not to think of the worst-case scenarios. Any tiredness she felt vanished under the onslaught of adrenaline. This was the only chance she might have to be a parent. And what if she lost something so precious—the baby she hadn’t asked for but was beginning to fall in love with, despite her promises to herself not to let herself get involved?

‘Amy,’ Josh said softly. ‘It’s going to be all right. Alison—the doctor who is looking after her—is one of my most experienced juniors. She’ll spot any problem and know how to treat it.’

‘I guess.’

He must have heard the wobble in her voice, because this time he wrapped his free arm around her and held her close. ‘It’s going to be OK.’

She leaned back and looked at him. ‘You look as worried as I feel.’

‘A bit,’ he admitted wryly. ‘My head knows it’s going to be fine. If there was anything really serious going on, Alison would’ve come out to see us by now.’

‘But?’

‘But my heart,’ he continued quietly, ‘is panicking. This must be what it’s like to be a parent. Worrying if the baby is OK, or if you’re missing something important.’

She nodded. ‘I’m glad you’re with me. Knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this makes it feel a bit less—well—scary.’

‘Agreed.’ Though she noticed he was still holding her; clearly he was taking as much comfort from her nearness as she was from his.

And then finally the curtain swished open.

‘Hey, Josh. We’ve done bloods and urine, to rule out bacterial infections,’ Alison said. ‘And I gave her a proper cord clip. How on earth did you manage to change her nappy round that thing?’

‘A mixture of necessity and practice,’ Amy said wryly.

‘Ouch,’ Alison said. ‘Well, you know the drill, Josh. We’ll have to wait for the test results before we can tell if we need to admit her—and, given all the viruses in the hospital right now, hopefully we won’t have to do that. But you can sit with the baby now while we wait for the results to come back, if you like.’

‘Yes, please. And no doubt you have potential fractures in the waiting room that need looking at,’ Josh said. ‘Sure. We won’t hold you up any longer.’

When Alison had closed the cubicle curtain behind her, Josh turned to Amy. ‘We can’t pick her up and hold her,’ Josh said, ‘because our body warmth will put her temperature up.’ Which meant they had to resort to taking turns in letting Hope hold a finger in her left hand, because Hope’s right hand was hooked up to a machine.

‘So what does this machine do?’ Amy asked.

‘It’s a pulse oximeter. It measures the oxygen levels in her blood,’ Josh explained, ‘so we know if there’s a problem and we need to give her some extra oxygen through a mask, like they did in the ambulance. It’s all done by light shining through her skin and it doesn’t hurt her.’ He was used to explaining the situation, but it felt odd to be on the other side of it, too.

‘Right. Are those figures good news or bad?’ she asked, gesturing to the screen.

He analysed them swiftly. ‘Good. I’m happy with her oxygen sats and her pulse rate.’

Amy bit her lip. ‘She’s so tiny, Josh, and we’re supposed to be looking after her. What if...?’

‘If she has an infection, she’s in the right place for us to treat it,’ Josh reassured her. ‘She’ll be fine.’

Two hours later, the baby’s temperature was down to a more normal level. The results of the blood tests had come back, and to their relief there was no sign of any bacterial infection.

‘I’m pleased to say you can take her home. Just keep an eye on her and give her some liquid paracetamol every four to six hours—you know the safe dose for a baby that age,’ Alison said to Josh. ‘How are you getting home?’

‘Ambulance, I guess,’ Josh said. ‘We don’t have a car seat for her. The social worker obviously didn’t guess we might have to rush her to hospital.’

‘So you’ve got almost nothing for her?’ Alison asked.

‘Just the very basics—this Moses basket, some clothes and formula milk,’ Amy confirmed.

‘Poor little mite. She’s lucky you found her,’ Alison said. ‘And that you could look after her.’

‘We’re neighbours,’ Josh said quickly.

Alison looked at their joined hands and smiled.

Josh prised his fingers free. ‘And friends. And worried sick about the baby.’

‘She’s going to be fine,’ Alison said. ‘I’ll let the ambulance control know that you can go whenever they’re ready.’

* * *

This time the journey wasn’t as terrifying, and Hope slept through the whole thing. Though Amy felt as if she’d never, ever sleep again when she let them back into her flat. ‘I’ll sit up with her.’

‘I’ll keep you company,’ he said.

‘But you—’ she began.

‘I’m not on duty tomorrow—well, today,’ he cut in. ‘I’m awake now, too. And we can both catch up on our sleep later when the baby sleeps.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Sure. Let’s keep the light low for her, so she can sleep and we can see her.’

His duvet was still thrown over her sofa. ‘Here—you might as well share the duvet with me,’ he said, and tucked it over her. ‘Try not to worry. We know it’s not a bacterial infection, which is the important thing. Maybe it’s the beginnings of a cold. Small babies tend to get temperature spikes when they get a cold. One minute they’re fine, the next minute they’re ill enough to worry the life out of you, and then they’re absolutely fine again.’ He took her hand. ‘She’s going to be perfectly all right, Amy. We’re here and we’re keeping an eye on her. And, before you say it, I’m used to not getting massive amounts of sleep. It comes with the job.’

‘I guess,’ she said. He was still holding her hand, and it made her feel better. She didn’t pull away.

* * *

Amy woke, feeling groggy, to the sound of Hope crying.

When had she fallen asleep? How could she have neglected Hope like that? Guilt flooded through her.

But a crying baby was a good sign, right?

‘OK?’ Josh asked next to her, sounding much more awake than she felt.

‘OK. My turn to sort her out,’ she mumbled. Why had she thought it was a good idea to sit up all night on the sofa? She had a crick in her neck and her back ached. Right now she wasn’t going to be a lot of use to the baby.

‘It ought to be my turn,’ he said, ‘because she’s due some more paracetamol.’ He paused. ‘They weighed her at hospital. Can you remember how much they said she weighed?’

‘I didn’t even register it,’ she said. ‘I was so worried that they were going to find something seriously wrong.’

‘It’s gone clean out of my head, too.’ He blew out a breath. ‘I don’t want to guess at her weight and estimate the dose of paracetamol, so we’re going to have to weigh her.’

‘I don’t actually own a pair of bathroom scales,’ Amy admitted.

‘How about kitchen scales, and a tray we can put her on for a moment?’ Josh suggested.

She snapped the light on and gave him a wry smile. ‘This has to be the strangest Boxing Day morning I’ve ever spent.’

‘Me, too,’ he said.

But at the same time it was a morning that filled her with relief—even more than the first night they’d spent with Hope, because now she knew that with Josh by her side she could face anything life threw at her.

‘Give her a cuddle and I’ll get the scales out,’ she said.

She put a soft cloth on a baking tray, then put it on her kitchen scales and set them to zero. ‘All righty.’

He set Hope on the tray and Amy peered at the display on the scales. ‘Five pounds, ten ounces—or do you need it in metric?’

‘Pounds and ounces are fine,’ he said. ‘I know how much infant paracetamol to give her now.’

He measured a dose of medicine for the baby and gave it to her through the oral syringe while Amy heated the milk.

‘Sofa?’ he asked.

She nodded and he carried Hope back to the sofa. This time, after he’d transferred the baby into Amy’s arms so she could feed the baby, he slid one arm round Amy’s shoulder.

It felt too nice for her to protest; right at that moment she felt warm, comforted and safe. After the scare that had taken them to the hospital, this was exactly what she needed. Maybe it was what he needed, too, she thought, and she tried not to overthink it. Or to start hoping that this meant Josh was starting to see her as more than just a neighbour. Yes, they could be friends. But on New Year’s Day they’d have to give Hope back to the social worker—and when that part of their lives came to an end, what would happen?

Once the baby had finished drinking her milk—all sixty millilitres of it—Amy put her back in the Moses basket. Without comment, Josh put his arm round her shoulders again. Although part of Amy knew that she ought to put some distance between them, she couldn’t help leaning into him, enjoying the feel of his muscular body against hers and his warmth.

They kept watch on the baby with the light turned down low, but finally Amy drifted back to sleep.

The next time Hope woke, it was a more reasonable time. Josh fed the baby while Amy showered and washed her hair, and then she took over baby duties while Josh went next door to shower and change.

She put cereals, yoghurt, jam and butter on the table, placed the bread next to the toaster, and while she waited for the kettle to boil she texted Jane Richards, the social worker.

Hope doing well. Had a bit of a temperature in the middle of the night but we checked her out at hospital and all OK. We have a theory about her mum: might be a girl from my class, but no proof. How do we check it out?

When she’d sent the text, she suddenly realised that she hadn’t signed it. From the context, she was pretty sure that Jane would probably be able to work out who the text was from, but she sent a second text anyway.

This is Amy Howes btw. Not enough coffee or sleep! :)

Josh was back in her flat and they’d just finished breakfast when his phone rang.

‘Do you mind if I get that?’ he asked.

She spread her hands. ‘It’s fine.’

He returned with a smile. ‘Remember Alison, the doctor who saw us last night?’

‘Yes.’

‘She’s bringing us a pram and a snowsuit. She’ll call me when she’s parked and I’ll go and let her in.’

Amy blinked. ‘A pram and a snowsuit?’

‘I’ll let her explain. She’s about twenty minutes away.’

True to her word, Alison called him to say that she’d just parked and had all the stuff with her.

‘Feel free to ask her up for coffee,’ Amy said as he headed for the door. ‘It’s the least I can do.’

‘Thanks.’

He returned with Alison, carrying a pram, and Amy sorted out the hot drinks.

‘Thank you so much for lending us the pram and snowsuit,’ Amy said.

‘No problem.’ Alison smiled at her. ‘I didn’t think about it until after you’d left, but my sister was about to put her pram on eBay—it’s one of those with a car seat that clips to the chassis to make a pram. She’s happy to lend it to you while you’re looking after Hope. And her youngest was tiny, so I’ve got some tiny baby clothes and a snowsuit as well. At least then you can take her out and all get some fresh air.’

‘That’s so kind,’ Amy said.

‘She didn’t take much persuading,’ Alison said. ‘In situations like this, you always think how easily it could have been you or someone close to you. Poor little love. How’s she doing?’

‘Her temperature’s gone down—but, when we had to give her more paracetamol this morning, I forgot how much she weighed,’ Josh admitted.

‘So poor little Hope had to lie on a towel on a baking tray, so we could weigh her on my kitchen scales,’ Amy added.

Alison laughed. ‘I can just imagine it. And, tsk, Josh, you being a consultant and forgetting something as important as a baby’s weight.’

‘I know. I’m totally hanging my head in shame,’ Josh said, looking anything but repentant.

Amy suddenly had a very clear idea of what he was like to work with—as nice as he was as a neighbour, kind and good-humoured and compassionate, yet strong when it was necessary. Given his gorgeous blue eyes and the way his hair seemed to be messy again five minutes after he’d combed it, she’d just bet that half the female staff at the hospital had a crush on him. Not that he’d notice. Josh wasn’t full of himself and aware of his good looks, the way Gavin and even Michael had been. He was genuine.

And he was off limits, she reminded herself.

Alison peered into the Moses basket. ‘She’s a little cutie.’

‘Pick her up and give her a cuddle, if you like,’ Amy said.

Alison smiled, needing no second invitation. ‘I love babies. Especially when I can give them back when it comes to nappy changes.’

‘Noted,’ Josh said dryly.

‘So she was just left in the lobby in your flats?’ Alison asked.

‘Yes.’ Amy ran through what had happened. ‘And we have a theory that her mum might be in my form group.’

‘But if the mum’s in your class, Amy, how come you didn’t recognise her handwriting?’ Alison asked.

‘Because she’s in my form group, not my class. I don’t teach her,’ Amy explained. ‘It means she’s there in the form room for five minutes in the morning for registration, and twenty minutes in the afternoon for registration and whatever other activities we’re doing in form time—giving out letters for parents, a chance for any of them to talk to me if they’re worried about something, and sometimes we do quizzes and the kind of things that help the kids bond a bit. I never see any of her written work. And it’s still only a theory. If we’re wrong, then we still have no clue who Hope’s mum is.’

‘Well, I hope they do find the poor little mite’s mum.’ Alison looked at Josh. ‘So you two are sort of living together this week?’

‘As friends,’ Josh said swiftly. ‘It makes sense, because otherwise we’d have to keep transferring the baby between flats and it’d unsettle her.’

Amy reminded herself that they weren’t a couple. Even if they had slept on the sofa together last night and fallen asleep holding hands, and when he’d put his arm round her it had simply been comfort for both of them after their worry about the baby’s health.

‘It’s really nice of you to look after her,’ Alison said.

‘What else could we do?’ Amy asked. ‘She’s a baby. She didn’t ask to be left here. The social worker couldn’t get a placement because it was Christmas Eve and nobody was about, and Josh said the hospital’s on black alert so the baby couldn’t stay there.’

‘The winter vomiting virus is everywhere,’ Alison confirmed, ‘and the children’s ward is full of babies with bronchiolitis, something you definitely don’t want a newborn to get.’ She smiled at them, then handed the baby back to Amy. ‘Here you go, cutie. Back to your Aunty Amy. Thanks for the coffee and biscuits. I’m heading home to bed now because I’m working the night shift again tonight and I need some sleep before I face the fractures and the ones who gave themselves food poisoning with the leftovers.’

‘Thanks for bringing all this,’ Josh said, ‘and I owe your sister flowers and some decent chocolate. And you, too.’

Alison waved away the thanks. ‘It’s good to be able to do something nice for someone at Christmas. It feels as if it’s putting the balance back a bit, after all the greed and rampant consumerism.’

When she’d gone, Josh turned to Amy. ‘The only time you’ve been out of the flat since Christmas Eve morning is our middle-of-the-night trip to hospital. Do you want to go and get some fresh air?’

‘That’d be good. And I could probably do with picking up something for dinner,’ she said. ‘I forgot to get something out of the freezer earlier.’

‘I ought to be the one buying dinner,’ he said. ‘You’ve fed me two days running as it is.’

‘It really doesn’t matter.’ Unable to resist teasing him, she added, ‘But if you really want to cook for me...’

‘Then you get a choice of spaghetti Bolognese or a cheese toastie,’ he said promptly.

‘Or maybe I should teach you how to cook something else.’ She grabbed her coat and her handbag. ‘I’ll see you in a bit. I’ve got my phone with me in case you need me.’

‘Great.’

* * *

It felt odd, being alone in Amy’s flat, Josh thought when she’d gone. Weirdly, it felt like home; yet, at the same time, it wasn’t. Everything was neat and tidy and she’d done the washing up while he was seeing Alison out of the flat, so he couldn’t do anything practical to help; all he could really do was watch the baby.

He’d texted his parents and his siblings during his break at work on Christmas Day, and hadn’t corrected their assumption that he was working today. Not that he really wanted to speak to any of them. If he told them how his Christmas had panned out, he knew they’d try to manage it—which drove him crazy. He was perfectly capable of managing his own life, even if he was the baby of the family and had messed up, in their eyes.

He held the baby and looked at the framed photographs on Amy’s mantelpiece. The older couple were clearly her parents, and the man in one of the younger couples looked enough like her to be her brother in Canada. The other couple, he assumed, must be the friends she’d talked about staying with in Edinburgh.

‘She really loves her family,’ he said to the baby, ‘and they clearly love her to bits, too.’ He sighed. ‘Maybe I should make more of an effort with mine.’

The baby gurgled, as if agreeing.

‘They’re not bad people. Just they have set views on what I ought to be doing with my life, and right now they feel I’m letting them down. I’m the only one in our family to get divorced. But Kelly didn’t love me any more, and I couldn’t expect her to stay with me just to keep my family happy. It would have made both of us really miserable, and that’s not fair.’

The baby gurgled again.

‘Tell you a secret,’ he said. ‘I think I could like Amy. More than like her.’

The baby cooed, as if to say that she liked Amy, too.

‘And I would never have got to know her like this if it wasn’t for you, Munchkin. We’d still just be doing the nod-and-smile thing if we saw each other in the corridor or the lobby. But this last couple of days, I’ve spent more time with her than I have with anyone else in a long, long time.’ He paused. ‘The question is, what does she think about me?’

The baby was silent.

‘I’m not going to risk making things awkward while we’re looking after you,’ he said. ‘But in the New Year I’m going to ask her out properly. Because I’m ready to move on, and I think she might be, too.’

* * *

It felt odd being out of the flat, Amy thought. It was nice to get some fresh air, but at the same time she found she couldn’t stop thinking about Hope.

Or about Josh.

But what did she have to offer him?

If he wanted to settle down and have a family, then it couldn’t be with her. She knew that there were other ways of having a child as well as biologically, but Michael had refused flat-out even to consider fostering or adoption. She wondered how he would’ve reacted to Hope; she had a nasty feeling that he would’ve decided it wasn’t his problem and would’ve left it to the authorities.

Josh, on the other hand, had real compassion. He’d been instantly supportive. Even though he didn’t know her well, he’d offered help when it was needed most.

She shook herself. She and Josh were neighbours, making their way towards becoming good friends. Their relationship couldn’t be any more than that, so she would have to be sensible about this and damp down her burgeoning feelings towards him.

The supermarket was crowded with people looking for post-Christmas bargains. Amy avoided the clearance shelves and headed for the chiller cabinet. A few minutes later, she paid for her groceries at the checkout, and went back to the flat.

‘You’re back early,’ he said.

‘The shops were heaving.’ And it hadn’t felt right to go to the park without the baby. Which she knew was crazy, because Hope wasn’t hers and would only be here for a couple more days. ‘I thought we’d have French bread, cheese and chutney for lunch.’

‘Sounds perfect. I’ll prepare it, if you like, while you give our girl a cuddle.’

Her gaze met his and her heart felt as if it had just done a somersault.

‘Temporary girl,’ he corrected himself swiftly.

‘I know what you meant.’ Being with Josh and Hope felt like being part of a new family. It was so tempting, but she mustn’t let herself forget that it was only temporary. Clearly Josh felt the same way. If only things were a little different. If only she’d never met Gavin, or had at least been a bit less clueless, so she’d been able to get the chlamydia treated in time...