Still Into You

The word sent her stomach into a tumble.

She hadn’t done anything tonight. She hadn’t cheated.

But … she’d wanted to.

Tears filled her eyes and the street blurred. She pulled over to the side of the road and let that realization overtake her. When had she become this person?

Her marriage was dying a quiet death, and she had no idea how to resuscitate it. She and Seth had kids and a life together. How was she supposed to tell the man she’d fallen in love with and the father of her children that she’d gotten to this point?

She leaned back against the headrest, letting the tears fall, and without allowing herself to think about it too much, she picked up her cell phone and dialed.

Chapter Three

Past midnight. Seth should’ve been tired after the balls-to-the-wall shift he’d managed at the restaurant tonight, but the fuel of going into mission mode had his body humming like he’d downed a double shot of espresso. This had to work.

Seth slowed down and parked his car in front of the only store on the street open at this time of night. He’d been here many times for social visits, but never as a customer. The kind of stuff Leila’s younger brother, Jace, stocked at Wicked had always been a bit more advanced than Seth had ever found need for. Plus, buying sex toys and gear from your little brother was way too high on Leila’s eww scale.

But Seth was past awkwardness right now. He needed help. Jace had never made any apologies for his choice of business and didn’t hide his proclivities for the wilder side, so he didn’t imagine Jace would get weird about Seth coming to him. The guy was about as comfortable in his own skin as anyone could be. Well, except when Jace was around his father. That was a whole other story.

Leila had always said that if it weren’t for Jace taking up the mantle of the family fuckup, she would’ve been the one disowned when she’d gotten pregnant at nineteen by the boy with no stitch of pedigree to his name. But apparently Jace had done enough scandalous things to keep Leila off the radar—though no one had ever told Seth what the big thing was that got Jace kicked out of the house for good.

Not that Leila had gone unscathed with her family when she’d gotten together with Seth. When Seth had asked Leila’s father permission to marry his daughter, Bill Austin had called Seth a money-hungry scrub and had accused him of getting Leila pregnant just to get access to her trust fund. The accusation had hit deep.

Seth had already been feeling the pressure of an impending marriage and a baby on the way, knowing the cash from his part-time waiter job and the few gigs his band did would never be enough to support a family. And God knows his own family wouldn’t be able to help. His dad did well enough with his plumbing job, but he knew his parents were only a paycheck or two ahead of being broke. The only reason Seth had even been able to go to the fancy art college and rub shoulders with the likes of rich girls like Leila was because his mom was the dean’s secretary.

So Seth had done the only thing he could think of to politely give her father a big “fuck you.” He’d dropped out of his music program and his band, switched to a business major, and had gotten a better-paying job cooking full time at the restaurant. He’d also told Bill Austin to sign the entirety of Leila’s trust fund over to their unborn child for when he or she turned twenty-one. Seth would support Leila and his child on his own.

The move had earned a bit of her father’s respect, and her family had even let them live rent-free for five years in one of the houses they owned. But Seth hadn’t missed the raised eyebrow Bill had given him when it’d come time for the family to sell that house. Seth had had to move Leila and the kids to a much smaller place now that he was responsible for the mortgage. Leila had put on a happy face, but he knew it had been hard on her to give up what she was used to simply because he hadn’t hit the big time in his career yet.

She’d told him on the day she married him that she didn’t need that silver spoon, that all she needed was him. That she trusted they would make a happy life together. And he’d spent the last eight years busting his ass trying to prove to her that she hadn’t made the wrong choice.

And though he’d not yet been able to provide her with the kind of life she’d grown up with, they’d eked out a pretty decent living. He brought in enough money to allow Leila to pursue her fledgling design business. He’d even been secretly putting away cash to accumulate a down payment on the kind of house Leila really wanted. If he could just secure a promotion, the house of her dreams would be theirs.

But now Seth wondered if what he’d done had been enough. His wife wasn’t happy. He was miserable. Maybe Leila had finally realized that she’d gotten a bum deal when she’d walked away from her lavish lifestyle just for the chance to be with him.

No. He wouldn’t go down that path yet. That line of thought led nowhere good.

He cut off the engine and climbed out of the car, determined to execute his plan. When faced with a problem, usually the simplest solution was the right one. His father, Mr. Pragmatic, had hammered that into him as a kid. There was no reason Seth needed to start imagining the lack of sexual heat in his marriage was anything more than the fact that he and Leila had both gotten complacent and routine.

If anyone knew how to fix that kind of situation, it would be Jace Austin. So Seth walked into Wicked, not even pausing to admire all the beautiful erotic photography gracing the walls of the bottom level, and headed straight up the stairs where he knew he’d find his brother-in-law.

The second floor of the building was where the actual store was located. Rows and rows of carefully chosen items to cater to almost any sexual taste. High-end lingerie, vibrators, plugs, jewelry, and a BDSM section that was so extensive Seth would need a manual to identify half the items. Looking at the inventory, it was no secret where Jace’s kink preferences fell.

Seth looked to the far corner of the store where Jace’s office was located and headed that way. He knocked on the closed door, suddenly wondering if he should’ve called first.

“Door’s unlocked,” Jace called.

Seth pushed open the door to find his brother-in-law with his feet propped up on the desk and a notepad and pen in hand. The radio was squawking out of the computer speakers as Jace wrote something down. When he was done with his note, he glanced up, registering surprise at first then breaking into a smile. “Well, hey there, bro-in-law. Not who I expected to be darkening my doorway.”

“I’m sorry, if you’re expecting someone …”

Jace rocked forward, bringing his feet from the top of the desk back to the floor. “Oh, no. Not at all. I figured it was Andre coming downstairs to shoot the shit before his shift.”

Jace lived in a renovated loft on the third floor of the building with his roommate, Andre. The ultimate bachelor pad if Seth had ever seen one. And though Leila would never confirm or deny, Seth suspected Jace and Andre weren’t just sharing rent but were sharing women. He couldn’t even imagine what that kind of freewheeling lifestyle must be like. Seth had done his fair share of wild things by the time he met Leila, but getting married at twenty-one had basically ended his bachelorhood right as it had begun. He didn’t regret his decision, but looking at guys like Jace and Andre was like observing an entirely different species.

Jace stepped around the desk to give Seth a friendly handshake and a slap on the back. “It’s good to see you, man. Just getting off work?”

“Yeah. Sorry to drop in so late.” Seth sank into one of the chairs opposite the desk, a bone-deep weariness settling over him as he absorbed the surroundings. Jace’s office was posh, beautifully appointed with warm woods and deep maroon accents. Jace had let Leila use it as practice when she was still getting her design business off the ground. Just seeing how well she’d done even before she really had any experience under her belt was a testament to her level of natural talent.

“No worries. I don’t close up here for a little while still. You want a beer or something? Looks like you had a rough night.” Jace leaned over and turned the volume on his speakers down a bit.

Seth rubbed the back of his neck, the tension coiling there like a ready-to-strike snake. “Beer would be great.”

Jace headed to the mini-fridge in the far corner of the office, grabbed two bottles, and brought one back to Seth. Instead of returning to his desk chair, Jace sat on the couch he had for guests and twisted open his beer. He took a long pull, keeping his eyes on Seth, obviously waiting for him to reveal why he was here.

“What are you listening to?” Seth asked, not quite ready to jump into the I-need-sex-advice-about-yoursister conversation.

Jace glanced at his desk when Seth cocked his head in that direction. “Oh, that Dr. Dan radio show everyone seems to be buzzing about. His manager contacted me a few days ago to see if I’d be interested in doing a talk on spicing things up at one of the couples’ workshops he’s giving around the state. With this economy, I could use any promotion I can get for Wicked, so I’m doing my homework to see what he’s about.”

“Mmm,” Seth said noncommittally, picking at the label on his beer. “Interesting.”

Jace laughed. “Yeah, and you totally didn’t hear anything I said.”

Seth winced. “I’m sorry, man.”

“No worries. Obviously you’ve got something on your mind.” He set his beer down on the side table. “So, go ahead. Lay it on me.”

“Right.” Seth gulped down a good portion of his beer. Might as well put it out there. “This is awkward. But I need you to forget for a few minutes that I’m married to your sister and help me out with something.”

Jace’s brows disappeared beneath his shaggy blond hairline. “Okay …”

Seth sighed as he rubbed a hand over his face. “My sex life is in the shitter. I’m only thirty-one and already feel like I’ve gone into old married couple mode. I’m not happy. Leila isn’t happy. I love her more than anything, but I think we’re growing apart because of it. And I want to figure out a way to change it.”

The words flooded out of Seth in a rush, the relief of saying it aloud almost as potent as the shame of admitting it to someone else.

Jace stared at him, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Wow, man, I didn’t see that one coming. You and Lei always seem so damn happy.”

“We are, in a lot of ways. We have a good life, great kids, we love each other. But lately it’s like we’ve become business partners instead of husband and wife.” He looked at the closed door that led to the store, praying that the answer was on the other side. “I was hoping if I spiced things up some, bought some new things to try, I could find that spark again.”

Jace leaned fully back on the couch, his forehead wrinkled. “So how spicy are you looking to go?”

Seth cringed a bit, remembering this was his wife’s little brother he was taking to. “Uh …”

Jace smirked. “Look, I’m not going to lie. It’s a little weird offering to help you bed my sister better. Believe me. But I care about you two. Y’all took me in when the rest of my family turned their backs on me. I saw how good you were with each other and the kids. I don’t want to see that fall apart over something as simple as being bored in bed.”

Seth smiled at that. “You’re a good guy, Jace.”

“That’s debatable. But go ahead and pick your poison.” Jace picked his beer back up and took a sip. “Lingerie, toys, bondage gear, S&M, role-playing—how kinky are we talking?”

The slew of possibilities was both enticing and overwhelming at the same time. He and Leila had never done anything really kinky except a one-time we-could-get-caught semi-public sex early in their relationship. He’d done his fair share of kinky stuff with girls he’d met playing in his band in college, but he’d turned that part of himself off once he’d fallen for Lei. She’d been a virgin when he’d met her, and he’d wanted to give her romance, not raunchiness. So he had no idea what she may or may not respond to. “I guess maybe we could start with—”

A familiar sound cut him off mid-sentence, shriveling the words in his throat.

Jace frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Seth held up a finger, shushing Jace, and honed in on what he thought he’d heard. The radio show had come back from commercial and had taken a new caller.

“Mary, it’s okay. Try to take a breath and start again. We’re here to help,” the doctor soothed.

A long pause on the airwaves, and then the tear-choked voice Seth had heard the first time filled the silence. “I’m sorry. It’s just—I think I almost cheated on my husband tonight.”

Seth’s skin turned clammy, and white noise hummed so loudly in his ears, he could barely hear Dr. Dan encouraging the caller to go on. His fingers dug into his thighs.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Jace asked again, scooting forward on the couch. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“The radio,” he whispered, the words scratching past his dry throat. “It’s Leila.”

“I have kids and I love my husband. So much. But he’s never home and I feel so … alone. I find myself wanting things I shouldn’t, wanting other people, wanting to feel really alive again …” Her voice caught for a moment, then: “I’m a horrible person.”

“Oh, shit,” Jace said under his breath.

Seth put his head in his hands, closing his eyes as his world tumbled down around him. His wife wanted other people. People who weren’t him.

This wasn’t something he could fix with a new set of lingerie and some sexy videos.

He tried not the vomit on the Turkish rug Leila had picked out for Jace’s office.

The rest of the call was a hazy swirl of word soup. Dr. Dan prodded Leila with a few questions and then suggested couples’ counseling or something. What the fuck did it matter? Sitting in an office with some shrink wasn’t going to fix this. He and Leila had done counseling early on after the baby was born and both had agreed it’d been a big waste of time. They’d worked things out in their own way—through action, not touchy-feely talk-it-out sessions.

At some point Jace got up and turned off the show. Then a warm hand landed on Seth’s shoulder. “Man, I’m really sorry you had to hear that.”

Seth shook his head, wishing to God he hadn’t had to experience this in front of someone else. Knowing your wife wanted to fuck someone other than you was humiliating enough without an audience. “I should … I should go.”

Jace’s hand stayed firm, keeping Seth in his seat when he tried to get up. “Hold up.”

“No, I need to go. Obviously what I came here for would be like using a water gun on a forest fire. My wife wants out.” His whole body itched to get up and run. To where, he had no idea. Maybe into a brick wall.

“Seth, just give me a minute here, okay?” Jace said, his tone calm. “This doesn’t have to mean the end or that it’s time to give up.”

Seth scoffed. “Right. My wife almost slept with someone else tonight.”

Jace sat on the edge of his desk. “But she didn’t. And she’s obviously upset about having those feelings. If she didn’t love you or care about your marriage, she would’ve done it and lied. Getting away with an affair is not that hard. People do it all the time.”

“Oh, there’s a comforting thought.” Seth thought of all the hours he spent slaving at the restaurant, all those nights Leila could easily sneak away with a lover if she wanted to.

“Believe me, in this business, I see a lot.” Jace crossed his arms and considered Seth. “How experienced was Leila when you two got together?”

Seth’s mind was buzzing with a mass of half-formed thoughts and fully formed emotions. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Jace simply waited.

“I was her first.”

Jace nodded. “Okay, so Leila’s been with one guy her entire life. She had to give up those experimental years because she became a wife and mother too young. I would think if she wasn’t feeling at least some temptation by now, she wouldn’t be normal.”

“Yeah, but what am I supposed to do about that?” Seth asked, the words jagged. “I can do a lot. I can try to find some time to take off work. I can spice things up as much as she wants, but it’s still me in her bed. The same guy.”

Jace shrugged. “What if it’s not? What if you let her have what she wants?”

“What? You expect me to just turn my head and let her cheat?”

Jace raised a palm to him. “Hear me out. I know my thinking tends to be a bit … alternative. But what if you gave each other a weekend off from monogamy?”

Seth looked at Jace like he’d started talking Sanskrit. “Yeah, right. Why don’t I just draw up divorce papers now?”

“No, I’m serious. I know a number of couples who do this successfully. They love each other and want to stay together, but feel trapped by the strict rules of marriage. So every now and then they go to a safe place where they can take a break and stretch the rules a bit. On the far end, that could mean totally swapping partners. On the lighter end, it could mean something like ménage.”

“A safe place?”

“Yeah, a place where everyone knows what’s going on, where no one is trying to steal each other’s mate, and where no one in your normal life will see you out with someone other than your spouse.”

“Jace, look, I appreciate you trying to help, but I think I would want to maim and dismember any guy who tried to touch my wife.” A sick feeling rolled through his stomach. “And what if I did let her do something like that and she decided she didn’t want back in the marriage?”

Jace’s sympathy was written across his features. “That is a risk. But what’s that old saying? Sometimes the only way to see if someone loves you is to set them free and see if they come back to you.”

Seth’s throat burned with unshed tears, his worst fear laid out before him.

If Leila had to do it all over, would she choose him again?

He had his doubts.

Jace blew out a breath and grabbed a business card off his desk. He scrawled something on the back and handed it to Seth. “That’s the number for a friend of mine who owns a resort where you and Leila could do this. There’s a big process to become a member, but I’ll call him and give him your name to let him know you’d be personal guests of mine.”

The card seemed to singe Seth’s fingertips—like taking it was making some Faustian deal with the universe. “Jace, I really—”

“You don’t have to use it. I won’t bring it up ever again. Whether you call or not is totally up to you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Just know it’s there if you decide you need it.”

“Thanks for your help.” Seth stood. “But I’m not going to give up on us yet.”

Jace nodded. “I really hope y’all can work it out, man.”

Seth tucked the card in his pocket and headed out the door, his shoulders sagging with the weight of knowing he was going home to a wife who didn’t want him anymore.

Chapter Four

The house alarm beeped, announcing Seth’s arrival. Leila hurriedly splashed water on her face, trying to erase the evidence of her tears, and then turned off the lights to get into bed before he made his way upstairs.

Seth opened the door with a soft click and padded into the room on sock-covered feet. He was always so careful of her now, always making sure to be quiet when he came in late so as not to wake her. Early on in their relationship, he’d come home and would have to nudge her awake, like he couldn’t go to sleep without talking to her about his day, without kissing her, touching her …

Her throat tightened with a fresh urge to cry, but she swallowed hard and kept her eyes closed. The jostle of a belt buckle and the rustle of clothes filled the heavy darkness as Seth stripped down to his boxers. She took a deep breath, determined to put her plan into action, determined to show herself she could shut out what had happened earlier tonight.

Seth walked to his side of the bed, pausing for what seemed like forever. She could almost feel his stare burning into her back. Was he thinking of waking her? But he blew out a long breath, and the bed dipped as he slipped beneath the sheets. Just like every other night. Two strangers sharing mattress real estate.

He flipped around a few times, trying to find a comfortable spot, though Leila knew he’d end up on his right side with his knee draped over the edge of the bed—that’s always how he slept. She curled the sheets in her fists, building up her nerve. This was her husband. She shouldn’t be scared that he might turn her away or not be interested.

Rallying up all the courage she had within her, she turned to face Seth’s back. He had stilled now, but his breathing wasn’t in the relaxed tempo of sleep yet. Corded muscles twitched as he adjusted his pillow, the long lines of his back beckoning her but also reminding her of another set of strong, wide shoulders she’d seen tonight. She pinched her lids shut, chastising herself. She would not think of Kade, not right now. Even though the way he had looked at her had been branded on her brain.

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