Aftershock

I loved Jax enough that it was impossible to just walk away, even for my own self-preservation. Jax loved me enough that walking away was the only end he’d consider. Maybe Denise was onto something. Maybe instead of pushing back all the time, I had to love him with everything I had. Really make him feel it, so he’d miss it when it was gone, enough to bring him back to me.

Problem with that, though, was that he’d screwed me businesswise. And I couldn’t let it go. That was a cut that ran deep.

* * *

Chad and Rick, the hotel manager, hit it off right away. I enjoyed listening to the two talk with their Southern drawls, charmed by both men and entertained to boot. But when Rick extended an invitation to dinner, I declined after Chad accepted, not wanting to cramp his style. I figured it was important for him to feel connected on his own, without me hovering all the time. I wasn’t his babysitter, and I didn’t want him to feel as if I didn’t trust him to handle his business on his own.

When I got back to my room, I called Lei.

“Gianna,” she said when she picked up, knowing it was me from the office’s caller ID. “How are things going in Atlanta?”

“Chad’s feeling good,” I said. “He’s been comfortable and relaxed, and really excited. The visit did what we’d hoped.”

Perceptive as she was, she asked, “And you? Are you feeling good, too?”

“Jackson followed me down here.” I didn’t share that personal detail with my boss, or dish like I would with Denise or one of my girlfriends. I would with Denise or one of my girlfriends. I told her because there was no way around a possible conflict of interest. I wasn’t going to let Jax jeopardize my job any further.

“Did he?” Her tone was thoughtful. “Well... How do you feel about that?”

“I’m not sure. No,” I amended, “that’s not true. I’m pissed off that he’s made an already complicated relationship more complicated by investing in Pembry Ventures. Not just that, but he called Isabelle directly to solidify her defecting. I can’t trust him, Lei.”

Every time I thought about what he’d done, I got angry all over again.

“That’s a fatal flaw.”

“I know it.” The thing was, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Jax had deliberately moved to put a wedge between us. But I couldn’t decide if that motivation made him less dangerous or more so. “I need you to tell me if I’m risking my job.”

“You know you are. I’m not going to fire you over who you date, Gianna. That’s your business. But if he happens to make another move that looks like he got a tip from you—whether it was done deliberately or not—I’ll have to let you go, because then we’re talking about my business. Got it?”

My stomach knotted. “Got it.”

“All right.” Her voice softened. “What’s on the agenda tomorrow?”

I told her. While I spoke calmly and steadily, I couldn’t shake the fear that had taken root. I’d planned my whole future around my job and I didn’t have a Plan B.

“Let me know what Chad thinks of the architect’s renderings when he sees them. And take care of yourself, Gianna. You’re not just an employee to me. I think you know that.”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “I do. Thanks, Lei.”

We hung up and I threw my phone on the bed. A headache was building and I loosened the clip that rolled my hair into a neat chignon at my nape. I really hated Jax at that moment. I didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions he’d been stirring up in me since he had walked back into my life. I kept shifting from wanting to heal whatever was wounding him to wanting to hurt him myself.

Ping. Incoming text.

When I saw Going crazy waiting 4 u from Jax, I let it all explode.

I called him. Everything that was wrong in my life was his fault and he needed to know that.

“Tell me you’re in the lobby,” he said in greeting, his voice husky.

I didn’t screw around. “I love my job. It’s the most important thing in my life, and I’m in danger of losing it because of you.”

It took him a second to switch gears. “Fuck. Gia—”

“If you love me at all, you’ll tell me right now if this is going to end with me jobless. You can get easy pussy, Jax. You don’t need mine.”

“Jesus.” He exhaled roughly. “I’ve done what business I intend to do with Ian Pembry.”

It was another non-answer. I was sick of them. He gave them for damn near everything.

I hung up and tossed the phone onto the bed. I started undressing, wanting to take a shower and scrub the day off.

My phone started ringing. Click. Time to shut that sucker down for the night.

I took my room phone off the hook, too, before he could start in on me that way. I’d come to Atlanta for some time away from Jax, and I needed it, despite how my body protested the idea of being denied him.

“I don’t need him to have an orgasm,” I scolded myself aloud. Of course that didn’t address what I really loved about sex with Jax—the man himself.

Twenty minutes later, my hair was wrapped up in a towel on my head and I was on the phone with room service. An impatient, angry rap on the door startled me enough to make me jump.

I knew who it was before Jax said, “Open the damned door, Gia.”

My jaw clenched. There was no way in hell the hotel had given out my room number. It irritated me to no end that Jax had the connections to circumvent the rules everyone else lived by.

I returned my attention to my call. “You know what? Make that a bottle of Ste. Michelle instead of a glass, please. Thank you.”

Jax knocked with even more impatience.

I hung up and glared at the door. “Fuck you,” I snapped.

“You’re acting like a child.” Even muffled through the door, his voice resonated with fury.

“Get a clue, Jax. I don’t want to see you.”

“That’s too damn bad. You can’t stay in there forever, Gia, but I can put a guard on your door who’ll make sure that when you come out, you come straight to me. It’s your choice how you want this to go.”

Narrow-eyed, I slapped the security bar back and yanked the door open. Jax immediately crowded me, forcing me back into the room. I caught barely a glimpse of a guy in a suit behind Jax’s big frame, then Jax kicked the door shut behind him.

I backed up quickly, my gaze darting down the length of his body. He was dressed in black slacks and a matching vest, his gray shirt and tie not softening the dark vibe. His hair looked as if he’d been running his fingers through it, the longer strands falling over his forehead in sexy disarray. His brown eyes were hot as they catalogued my appearance, his irritation evident in the scowl that furrowed his brow.

He’d said I was sexy as hell when I was mad at him and I understood what he meant when confronted by over six feet of angry, bristling masculinity. The angles of his gorgeous face were tight, his jaw rigid, the sensual curve of his lips firmed into an unyielding line. He looked dangerous and fiercely sexual.

“I’m getting real tired of you cutting things off,” he said, clenching his teeth.

“Boy do I know that feeling.”

He glanced at the ceiling as if he were praying for patience. “Is Yeung giving you a hard time?”

“No.” I crossed my arms, wishing I were wearing more than the hotel-provided robe, which was a thin shield for my nakedness underneath. “She’s actually been remarkably forgiving, all things considered.”

He watched me back carefully away. He filled the entryway of the room, blocking the exit, the closet, and the bathroom. The Mondego was a really nice hotel, beautifully decorated with understated elegance, but this suite was nowhere near as fabulous as the one Jax had taken me to in New Jersey. “My deal with Pembry has nothing to do with you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

His brows rose. “You don’t? Or Yeung doesn’t?”

“Me. I’m sure you had a few reasons why you did it, but I’m also pretty sure I was one of the reasons. And since it’s worked out so well and made me seriously consider how much of a liability you are, I can’t be sure you won’t pull something else that makes me hate you. That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want me to end things because you can’t.”

His face revealed no expression, but something in his eyes changed. “Why would I want to do that?”

“Because you’re afraid of me. Especially the way you feel about me.”

“Am I?”

“That, or your dad has you running scared. Which is it?”

“I’ve told you what he’s like,” Jax said softly.

That stopped my retreat. “I guess I have more faith in you than you have in yourself. I think you can take him on, Jax. I trust that you’d watch out for me.”

He laughed and it was a horrible, humorless sound. “You think I’d protect you from the big bad wolf?”

I stared at him, shocked, never having seen this bitter side of him. The next thing I knew, he had me in his powerful grip, his body curling into me and his face close to mine. He was impossibly beautiful. The most stunning man I’d ever seen. And he was seriously pissed.

“I am the big bad wolf, baby,” he growled. “You want to be with me? You want to be my girlfriend? You want to go to parties with me...events...have dinner with the family?”

“Yes!” I lifted onto my tiptoes. “I’m sick of being your booty call, Jax. You’ve got dozens of women for that. I deserve better!”

“Dozens? I’ve damn near been a monk since I met you! Two women, Gia. Two. And since you fucked two guys, you’ve got no room to talk. I’m entitled to those two, as pointless as they were.”

I gasped, horrified that he’d watched me close enough to know how many men I had slept with since we’d been apart.

“You want the whole deal?” he snapped. “Fine. Your life is about to change completely. Your privacy is a thing of the past. You’re going—”

“As if I had any privacy! My God, you’ve been stalking me for years. Are you—?”

“Gia, every questionable thing you’ve ever done is about to become tomorrow’s news. Your brothers’ lives are up for grabs, too. And that goes for your parents and friends, too. Go out in public and the photographers will follow. From how you vote to what you’re wearing, everything is fair game.”

I swallowed hard.

“You’re going to move in with me. You’ll be safe in my apartment, but I can’t say what your brothers will have to deal with. Or your sister-in-law. There’ll be security with you at all times. And I don’t want to hear about how inconvenient it is to constantly have someone with you, someone you’ll have to report your schedule to.”

“You can’t scare me,” I whispered, but it was a lie. My heart was pounding with anxiety. I had always been incredibly protective of my family. Whenever they were threatened, I came out swinging.

“Oh, I will,” he warned darkly. “You’ve had nothing but the best of me so far, but if you want it all, that’s what you’ll get. The good and the really fucking ugly.”

“Bring it on,” I challenged, getting angry again. He was deliberately being an ass.

“I travel a lot. You’re going to have some late nights that will bore you to tears, only to get up the next day to go to work. I’ll tell you what to wear, what to say, how to act. It’s what I do, Gia. Image is everything in politics and business, but you’ve already figured that out, haven’t you? You’ve laid a lot of the groundwork for me. Sometimes, I barely recognize you.”

I rebelled, yanking myself away from him. “Thank you, Jax,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’ve made the decision really easy for me.”

His mouth curled in a cruel smile. “Scared you off, did I?”

I was so frustrated with his crap, I wanted to scream. We’d never been nasty to each other. More than anything, I was desperate to put distance between us.

“I’d face all that and more for a guy who really loved me,” I told him coldly. “But I’m not putting up with this shit from a jerk.”

He looked ready to smash his clenched fist through the wall.

I waved toward the door. “Please leave, Jax. I don’t want to look at you right now.” Another lie. I would never get tired of looking at him. But I was tired of dealing with him. I’d wanted a break for a reason.

“I give it to you straight and you flip.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and cursed.

“No,” I corrected. “You wanted to scare me straight and you’re getting what you wanted. I’m settling for a fuck-only arrangement, but I’ll do so on my time, not yours. I’ll call you when I want you, so don’t bother calling me—I won’t answer. And stop popping up where I am. It’s creepy.”

“Damn it.” Jax stepped forward, reaching for me.

I backed up quickly. “Don’t touch me.”

His dark eyes bored into mine. “You might as well tell me to stop breathing. What the fuck do you want from me, Gia? I’m trying to give you what you’re asking for, and it’s still not enough.”

“Damn right! You set up all those pitfalls and didn’t leave me any way out. Why would I want to take the first step?”

“Living under a microscope is part of my life! I can’t change it.”

“You could’ve said something like, ‘Listen, Gia, sharing my life won’t be easy, but I love you. I’ll do the best I can to make sure our private life is worth the public hell.’ Or something like that!”

“Jesus.” He made a frustrated sound. “This isn’t a goddamned romance novel! I’m just a guy trying to give in to what you want so I can have you.”

As if. He knew what I wanted and he was fighting it all the way. “Well, now you can have your life and me—when I’m in the mood.” I held up a warning hand. “Not now. Believe me. I’ll call you when I get back to New York.”

“Fine. Whatever.” He pivoted and strode to the door, his back stiff and shoulders rigid.

There was still a part of me that wanted to cave, to drag him back and tell him to stay, to sleep with him and feel that incredible intimacy and sensual closeness I’d never felt with anyone else. But we had a lot of thinking to do and we needed time—and space—to do it.

Jax yanked the door open and stepped out to the hallway. I swallowed the words stuck in my throat and reached for my smartphone on the bed, using it as a distraction to avoid watching him leave.

I heard the door shut and closed my eyes, breathing out a shaky exhalation. We weren’t going to recover from this. This was going to change what we’d had. Forever.

“I...”

My lungs seized in surprise at the sound of Jax’s voice.

“I love you. Okay? I love you so much it’s driving me crazy.”

I reached for the desk chair, trying to support my weakened knees. I’d wanted to hear him say the words, but now that I had, they didn’t sink in. I didn’t realize how upset he was until his hands gripped my upper arms and he buried his face in my neck.

“I want you in my home,” he said softly. “I want to wake up to you, go to sleep holding you, to come home from work and eat dinner with you. I want what we had in Las Vegas, but things were different then. I had you all to myself. It’s not going to be that way now.”

I reached up with my right hand and set it over his left. “I get it. I can deal with it.”

“I hope so,” he murmured, turning me around. “Because I’m not going to be able to let you go after this, Gia. For better or worse, you’re mine.”

3

“IF YOU’RE STILL trying to scare me,” I whispered, overcome, “you’ll have to do better than that.”

Jax laughed softly, huskily. “I’m scared enough for both of us.”

He cupped my face, tilting it up to kiss me. The moment his firm lips touched mine, love pierced my heart, making it ache. I caught his waist, pushing up onto my tiptoes to deepen the kiss. Heat and hunger slid through me, provoked by the beloved smell of him...the feel of his warmth and hard body...the taste of him.

He groaned, drawing me closer. I’d been starved for him for so long that appeasing my craving seemed impossible. My tongue tangled with his, licking into his mouth, my mouth slanting across his with unabashed ravenousness.

“Come here.” He tugged at the tie of my robe, pushing it open and then down to where my elbows were bent.

I let him go only long enough to allow the sleeves to slide off so the robe dropped on the floor.

“God.” He pulled me into him, molding my naked body fully against him.

The buttons of his vest pressed into my skin, driving home the realization that he was clothed, dressed for work in a way I’d never seen when we were together in Vegas. Turning my head, I looked into the mirror on the wall and shivered at our reflection—Jax, so formal and dark, a dangerously sexy businessman; and me, naked and shameless.

“Look at us,” I whispered, watching as his gaze found us. Watching the lust tighten his face into primal masculine beauty.

His chin nuzzled against my temple, his eyes closing. “You’re so beautiful, baby. So goddamned hot you burn me up. I’m so afraid of fucking this up. Of looking at you one day and finding that you’ve lost that light in your eyes you have when you’re looking at me.”

“Jax.” He’d always made me feel as if no other woman had ever compared to me. But as thrilled as I was to finally have him, the pain he’d put me through still throbbed like an unhealed wound. “You hurt me,” I told him softly. “You broke my heart.”

His forehead touched mine. “I hurt us both. I wish I could say it won’t happen again, but I have no idea how this is going to play out or how you’ll take to living my life with me.”

“I’m sure I’ll make mistakes, too.” I started on the buttons of his vest, freeing them one by one. “We just have to love each other.”

He tilted his head and took my mouth again, kissing me with such tenderness my eyes stung. His hands slid up my torso, splaying under my breasts with his thumbs beneath the curves. The pads stroked the sensitive undersides, making my nipples harden. I whimpered, begging for a more carnal touch. The deep-seated ache in my core was painful, my sex already wet and ready.

It had always been that way with Jax, as if my body recognized his as the one it’d been built to take.

Jax exploded into motion, picking me up effortlessly and laying me on the bed. The towel wrapped around my hair loosened and fell off. He positioned himself over me, his hands planted at my sides. He ran the tip of his nose up my cleavage. “Tell me you have a condom.”

I bit my lip, regretting that I had to shake my head.

His eyes closed again and he took a deep breath. “I’ll keep my clothes on.”

“Jax...” There was a plea in my voice, because I couldn’t imagine not feeling him inside me. So hard and long and thick.

His head lifted and I shivered at the raging lust in his dark eyes, knowing exactly how it would feel to have it unleashed on me. “There’s no way I’d pull out,” he said, his voice guttural with desire. “No way.”

I opened my mouth to say it was okay...that I was on the pill...that I wanted to feel him come inside me without anything between us...but the doorbell rang, followed by a quick “Room service.”

I moaned.

A pained look crossed his face. Then he laughed softly. “Saved by the bell.”

“Wait—”

But he was already grabbing my robe off the floor and draping it over me. “Don’t move,” he ordered.

He got the door, barred the server from entering, and took care of everything in the hallway. When he reappeared, he was carrying the tray in one hand, deftly balancing the bottle of wine, wineglass, and a dome-covered meal.

Setting it all on the desk, he glanced at me as I sat up, my legs stretching out in front of me. “You’re killing me.”

“You deserve it.”

Jax’s mouth curved wryly. “I don’t doubt it. Still, there’s only so much a desperate man can take. I have to get out of here.”

I pouted. “Spoilsport.”

“Get your sexy ass back to New York, and I’ll give you all you can take.” He ran a hand through his hair, restoring order to it. “I’m going to start making the arrangements for your return.”

My brows rose. “You have to make arrangements to fuck me?”

“No, for you to move in. And I have to let you eat so you have the strength for everything I’ll do to you while fucking you.” He grabbed me as I pushed to my feet and gave me a quick, hard kiss. “And if you’re ready to go raw with me, we do it right—in our own apartment, in our own bed.”

I swallowed hard. “I have to talk to my brothers. My parents.”

“We’ll do it together.”

“You’re moving fast for a guy who just had his hand forced.”

A softness came over Jax’s face. “I’ve thought about this for a while. Tried to plan it in my head...come up with a way to make it work....”

“Maybe it won’t be as hard as you think.”

He brushed my damp hair back behind my ears. “The media is going to love you, Gia,” he murmured. “You’re a walking wet dream. You’ve got sex appeal, baby, and a body that won’t quit. They’re going to take a look at you and see me looking at you, and they’re going to imagine hot, salacious monkey sex. And that’s news.”

I shoved at him. “Be serious!”

“They’re going to get it wrong, and think I’m just having a good time with you. They’ll start speculating right away on how long it’ll last. They’ll pair us with other people, inventing news just to have an excuse to publish another picture of you.”

I’d seen it before, with other couples. But Jax and I were different. We weren’t celebrities. I was nobody, and even though he was a Rutledge, he worked behind the scenes of the political circles that had made his family so well-known.

“You don’t believe me.” He rubbed his temple against mine. “You’ll have to trust me. I’ve seen what can happen. I’ve seen the stress rip people apart.”

A niggling suspicion spurred me to ask, “Someone you cared about?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

Jax pulled back and I saw that he’d shut down. “She checked out,” he said tonelessly. “I’m not going to let that happen with you.”

My fingers flexed into his lean waist. It was hard thinking about Jax loving someone else. It was harder still thinking about his former lover hurting him so deeply that he’d pushed me away to avoid becoming vulnerable again.

He kissed my forehead. “When are you coming home?”

“Day after tomorrow.”

“All right. See if we can’t get together with your family that night. We’ll get you moved in the next day.”

I felt as if I was standing on the edge of a cliff, about to jump, without any idea of where I might land. “You’re making my head spin.”

Backing up a step, he winked. “Just returning the favor, babe.”

* * *

“You’re miles away.”

The sound of Chad’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked at him sitting in the seat next to me on the plane and offered an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”

“Should I be worried?”

I shook my head. “It’s personal.”

His brows rose. “Good for me, maybe. Not so good for you it looks like. Wanna talk about it?”

I debated just how personal I wanted to get with Chad, then asked, “Have you ever lived with a girlfriend?”

“Not really. There were one or two who spent a lot of time at my house, which was convenient as far as sex went, but wasn’t great for privacy or hanging with the guys. I figure I’ll save that kind of commitment for marriage. Why do you ask?”

“I’m just thinking I agree with you about the commitment level.”

The amusement in his eyes faded. “Rutledge asked you to move in?”

“Something like that.” Told me was more like it, but...

He took a second. “I may have a problem with that.”

“Oh?” I twisted in my seat to face him more directly.

“You’ve known this guy a couple years, you said. But he only starts putting the heat on after you start working with me? He helps to break up my deal with Stacy, then follows that up with nabbing Isabelle. Now he’s wanting to share digs with you, the gal that’s got all my info and knows all my plans?”

Taking a deep breath, I processed what he’d said. “The day before yesterday, you seemed easier with it.”