The Forgotten

“It’s my heritage, too, you know,” she defended herself.

“Then if it is, you should be even more offended by what your ex-boyfriend did. I’m going to ask you straight out. Did Ernesto have any friends that made you nervous?”

She paused for a long time. So many emotions walked past on her face—defiance, shame, insecurity, embarrassment, anger, hate—the whole gamut. Finally, she settled on resignation. “I hope I’m not sounding spiteful. I don’t want to appear like the scorned woman.”

“Go on.”

She sighed. “There’s a kid in our class—Doug Ranger. He has an older sister—Ruby. She’s around twenty-two or -three … graduated from Berkeley with a degree in computer science. She’s smart … sexy … not to me, but to the boys. She’s full of ideas … more like full of shit!” Wet eyes. “I’ve seen her car at Ernesto’s house a couple of times.”

“Maybe it’s Doug’s car and he’s visiting Ernesto.”

“It’s not him, it’s her.”

“I guess parents aren’t the only people who snoop?”

She wilted, her voice soft and plaintive. “Please, Lieutenant.”

“So you’ve seen Ruby Ranger go into Ernesto’s house? Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Totally defeated now. “Several times.”

“What’s she like?”

A long sigh. “Politicized.”

“What kind of ideas does she have?”

“Libertarian stuff. Government should stop being everyone’s baby-sitter. And it certainly doesn’t have any right to be a censor when it’s so corrupt itself. She’s really big on a free Internet. That’s her raison d’être at the moment—to maintain an uncensored Internet. You’re twelve years old and wanna talk about porn in the chat room with convicted sex offenders, that’s your perogative. Fine with her. You wanna talk about incest or NAMBLA, fine. You wanna talk about scoring drugs, fine. You wanna talk about neo-Nazis and Hitler as heroes or buy Nazi stuff over the Internet, that’s fine, too. She said that … those exact words.”

Decker nodded.

“She also said—right to my face while people were listening in—she also said that I would have been perfect concentration-camp fodder because I have typical Jewish looks.”

Decker winced. “That’s awful. Not that you look Jewish, but the Nazi fodder part. That’s absolutely disgusting.”

“It creeped me out.”

“I can certainly understand that.” Immediately, Decker was thinking about how this woman might be stoking Ernesto’s sadistic sexual fantasies. Her prodding would be especially potent if Ernesto felt that he was from Nazi heritage. “What’d you say to her?”

“Nothing. I was too shocked to respond. And, of course, that’s exactly what she wanted. To get attention by being outrageous.” Her eyes were focused somewhere on her bare toes. “Jake wasn’t there. I told him about it afterward. He told me his grandparents were in concentration camps.”

Decker nodded.

“But they’re not your parents?”

“My parents are American,” Decker said.

“So are mine. And my father isn’t even Jewish. I was very offended by her statement. Then there’s this side of me … I was embarrassed by looking so Jewish, because Jewish girls don’t have a reputation for being hotties. That’s why I got the nose pierce. You probably think that’s awful, right?”

He did think it was awful. Awful and an awful shame. But he tried to keep his face neutral. “Feelings aren’t awful.”

She wasn’t buying. “Not true. Self-destructive feelings are very awful.”

Decker softened his tone. “Do you know where Ruby Ranger lives?”

Lisa nodded. “With her parents. Are you going to go talk to her?”

“Definitely,” Decker said. “But it didn’t come from you, all right?”

“She’ll think it came from Jake. He hated her. Every time she walked in the room, he’d leave. She once confronted him … something about him living an outdated life. That was a mistake! Wow, he got real scar—”

She suddenly shut down.

Jake got real scary, she had wanted to say. Decker would bring it up with him, a task he dreaded. The father part of him just didn’t have the energy to deal with another crisis. But the cop part kept pushing him on. He folded his notebook. “Thank you. You’ve been helpful.”

“Maybe I’ve been helpful to you,” she said. “But I certainly have not been helpful to Jake or to Ruby.”

He was minutes away from the shul. But his head was still spinning from what Lisa Halloway had just told him. He decided to make a quick pit stop at home. Be a concerned father and check up on his children. Besides, the longer car ride to his house would give him a few more minutes of thinking time.

How to approach Ruby Ranger. At twenty-two, she was not a minor, but he imagined that her parents still exercised monetary control over her. If he could get them on his side, maybe that would give him an in with Ruby. Still, if the young woman were so strongly opinionated with such outrageous ideas, it indicated that she wasn’t dominated by her parents. The age, early to mid twenties, was unpredictable.

It was getting late. The best thing was to wait until tomorrow. Maybe he’d have some other clever idea as to how to approach her. Maybe if she enjoyed baiting people, baiting a cop would be a big kick for her. He’d play dumb. If she hated Jacob, it would be even more of a kick to mess up his cop father.

Which brought him back to his stepson. After fifteen years of having a no-fuss, no-hassle kid, he was getting paid back in spades. Jacob was moody, sullen, and sarcastic. But scary? The kid never failed to surprise him.

He opened his front door, then went into the kitchen. Jacob looked up from the kitchen table. He was in his pajama bottoms, eating a sandwich, and reading Beowulf, yellow highlight marker in his hand. “Hi. What are you doing home? I thought you were going to the shul to help out?”

“I decided to come home first … see if you need anything.”

“I’m fine. Hannah’s asleep.”

“Any problems?”

“Nah, she’s a great kid.”

“Yes, she is.”

“You look tired,” Jacob said. “Like you just had a very bad conversation with a hysterical seventeen-year-old girl.”

Decker sat down at the table. “I’m loath to get you involved. But I need help. As a cop, the more information the better.” He stared at Jacob’s food. “What are you eating?”

“Tuna. There’s more in the fridge. I’ll make you dinner.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Sit.” Jacob got up. “Kibud Av. Honoring your dad gives you brownie points upstairs. I could use extra.” He fixed Decker a tuna on rye, complete with lettuce and tomato. Decker ritually washed his hands, then said the blessing over the breaking of bread. With two bites, half the sandwich was gone.

“You are hungry.”

“I’m always hungry.” Decker patted his stomach. Still firm but a bit wider. “Can we talk about Lisa?”

“If you want.”

“Actually, I’m more interested in a woman named Ruby Ranger. Lisa told me you knew her, also that you disliked her.”

“That is a gross understatement. Ruby Ranger is psycho!”

“Lisa said that Ruby tried to bait you once. You took offense and got pretty aggressive.”

“What really happened was I told her if she ever got in my face again, I’d blast her face to smithereens.”

Decker didn’t answer, too stunned to talk.

Jacob said, “I not only threatened to kill her, I told her how I’d do it. Then I told her how I’d cover it up. Then I told her I knew all about homicide investigations and how to trip them up because I was your son, and I’d seen you conduct enough of them to know the pitfalls.” He looked at his lap. “Actually, I think she believed me.”

Decker bit his lip, trying to figure out how to respond. He couldn’t get any words out.

“She never talked to me again,” Jacob said. “Course, I never saw her again. I stopped going to the parties. So I guess I’ll never know what she really thought.”

“Did people hear you threaten her?”

“Yeah, we attracted quite a crowd. For a while, I was worried that someone was going to report me to the authorities—the real authorities, not you. Which would have been the correct thing to do. But no one did. All of them … the convictions of a turnip.”

Silence.

Jacob said, “Being arrested would have been consistent with my self-image. I was in the nadir period of my life. I was smoking weed and taking pills and screwing around and screwing up. I was out of control. Thank God, you got to me first.” He looked up. “That’s a compliment.”

“Thank you.” Decker stared at him, as if looking at a stranger. “You didn’t tell me you were taking pills.”

He waved Decker off.

“What else didn’t you tell me?”

Jacob threw his head back. “You’re a good guy, Dad. You try to be understanding. But even good guys have their limits.” He faced his stepfather. “I’m scaring the hell out of you, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are.”

“I hate everything and everyone,” Jacob said. “I’m furious all the time. But I’m the problem, not the world. I’m trying to channel it all into constructive endeavors. Probably sounds like a crock of crud to you, but it’s true.”

Decker was quiet.

Jacob looked away. “I really am trying. For Eema, especially, because she deserves better. I haven’t touched anything chemical beyond an aspirin in six months. I’m doing well in school. I’m still working the suicide hot line once a week. I feed the homeless once a month. I am trying! But it’s hard!”

Decker put his hand on his son’s shoulder. He leaned over and kissed his forehead. “What can I do for you, Jacob?”

He shook his head. “I guess you can just keep doing what you’re doing. Like not freaking when I tell you these things.”

“It’s hard,” Decker said. “Inside, I’m freaking pretty badly.”

The teen pushed his plate away and closed the book. “You’ve seen a lot of psychos in your day, right?”

“Right.”

“Do I fit the profile?”

Decker didn’t dare contemplate the thought. “No.”

Jacob smiled with watery eyes. “You’re just being nice.”

“You have a conscience,” Decker said. “Psychos don’t. But that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t do damage if you blew.”

“I know that.”

“Were you just spouting off at Ruby Ranger or did you really mean it?”

“At the time, I think I really meant it. She’s a bad person. She defends people like Hitler and Stalin and Pol Pot. When I threatened her, she played it real cool. In truth, I think she liked it. I know she liked it. She got excited—aroused. Her nipples got hard.”

“That could have been fear.”

“It was a sexual thing, Dad. Believe me, I know. These people … they are so rich, so privileged. Nothing is novel to them, so they’re always looking for kicks. When drugs don’t do it anymore, they move on to other things. Ruby Ranger thinks mass murderers and serial killers are misunderstood geniuses. Do I think she’s behind the vandalism after what Lisa told me—that she and Ernesto are playing the mating game? Absolutely! I wouldn’t be surprised if Ruby did it just to get to me, that she was waiting for me to come after her with a gun. She’s probably all wet and horny about it—”

“Jacob, please!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He covered his face. “I’m such a pain in the butt.”

“You’re not a pain … yeah, you are a pain. You’re very worrisome. I’m stymied. I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything stupid, I promise you.”

“Are you being open with Dr. Gruen, Jake?”

“Bit by bit. Like I am with you. I tell him partial truths until I get the nerve to tell him the whole truth. He can tell what I’m doing, but lets me go at my own pace. He’s much better than the first one. I didn’t like her at all.”

“Did you tell him about your threatening remarks to Ruby Ranger?”

“Yeah. We’ve been working on that.”

“Okay.” Decker chose his words carefully. “Would you mind if I called him? I could use some guidance on what to do for you.”

“You’re doing fine, Dad. I probably talk to you as much as I talk to him.”

No, I am not doing fine! Mildly, Decker said, “So you’d prefer that I don’t call him?”

“Let me talk to him first, okay?”

“Fair enough. Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”

“About Ruby Ranger or about me?”

“At the moment, I’m more interested in you than in Ruby Ranger.”

“What specifically? Drugs? Yeah, I took pills, too. Mostly downers when pot wasn’t enough. I liked being zonked out. It took the edge off the anger.”

“What else, Yonkie?”

“That’s it.”

Silence.

“No, really. That’s it.” He showed Decker his forearms. “See? I’m clean. I’m very angry, but I’m not chemically altered. You’re seeing the unadulterated Yonkel.”

Decker tried out a smile. He thought he was partially successful. “What about sex?”

“What about it?”

“Are you sexually active? I’d like to be sure that you’re protecting yourself.”

“Very much so.” Jacob smiled. “I’m not doing anything.”

Decker’s laugh was real. “Okay.”

“I made this deal with myself, that I’d wait with girls until I go away next year to Johns Hopkins. I have to work to keep the grades up, and girls are a distraction. Mostly, I’ll be older, the girls will be older. It ain’t easy, but I can wait.”

“That’s very smart.” Decker stalled. Somehow he got the words out. “Actually, when I asked you if you’d like to tell me something, I was thinking about criminal activity, Jacob.”

Jacob turned red and looked away.

“Am I way off base?” Decker asked.

Jacob continued to stare off. “I shoplifted.”

“B-and-Es?”

“No.” He looked at Decker. “No.”

Decker was about to say, “Okay, I believe you,” but he couldn’t find his voice.

Jacob said, “I shoplifted. Mostly booze, but I also stole about a dozen CDs over about a three-month period.” A pause. “Sixteen CDs. Don’t ask me how I did it with all those metal detectors. There are ways. I’m doing kapparah for it.”

“What kind of atonement?” Decker asked, using the English word.

“I never opened the CDs. They were still in their wrappers.” A beat. “Two months ago Dr. Gruen called the store manager. He explained the situation without mentioning names. Then he returned the CDs for me, no questions asked. As far as the stolen booze goes, I screwed up my nerve and did that myself. I used to hit this mom-and-pop liquor store. The owner—Mr. Kim—he’s being decent about the whole thing. We reached an agreement—a price. I’m working it off—manual labor stuff. Stocking shelves, sweeping, cleaning … watching kids for theft. Now, that is ironic, Alanis Morissette. I do it on Shabbos because it’s the only day I have off. Eema thinks I’m with friends, but I’m not. You can check it out if you want.”

“Where is this place?”

“About four miles from the house. I walk there after lunch. Yossie picks me up after dark. I used to see some of the old crowd there. Now they stay clear of me and of Mr. Kim. I may not have scared Ruby Ranger, but I think I scared lots of them.”

Decker rubbed his head.

“I’ve given you a headache.”

“I’m just glad you told me all this after the fact.”

Jacob said, “I’m doing better, Dad. It’s hard, but I’ll be all right.”

“Yonkie …” Decker cleared his throat. “Am I wrong in assuming that the bastard who molested you did more than you’ve admitted?”

Again the teen turned red. “I told you everything that I remembered. But there may be stuff that … that I blocked out. I was only seven, so … you know.”

Decker felt sick to his stomach. What did that motherfucker do? Calmly, he said, “Are you talking about it with Dr. Gruen?”

“Bit by bit. When it comes back to me.” Jacob flashed him a quick smile. “You want to talk about Ruby Ranger?”

Decker was happy to change the subject. Did that indicate a weakness on his part as a parent not to probe deeper? Or was he rationalizing it by telling himself that it was best left to the professional? Decker was only human. There was only so much he could absorb at one time. “What can you tell me about her?”

“Objectively, she’s smart—a computer person. I bet she’s an amateur hacker. She’s sexy enough to get plenty of guys if you’re into that severe Goth look. I could see her talking Ernesto into vandalizing the shul. She’d get off on that. But she’d never get her own hands dirty. That wouldn’t be fun for her. Her thing is manipulation, getting you to act out her pathology.” He grinned. “I sound pretty shrinky, don’t I?”

“You’ve learned the lingo.”

“When in Rome …” He looked at Decker. “If you talk to her, tell her to go to hell for me.”

“She’ll be interviewed but not by me.”

“Ah!” Jacob smiled. “Conflict of interest.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m sorry to be such a burden to you. Don’t worry. I’m out of your hair in a few months. Surely, you can hang with that.”

“Jacob, you’re not in my hair.”

“Sure, Dad.” He gave him a sour smile. “Actually, I’m looking forward to Johns Hopkins and getting out on my own. And I’m not going to shoot anyone. Although if I did pop Ruby Ranger, I’d be doing the world a service.”

“That’s not funny, Jacob.”

“I didn’t mean it to be.”

11

Installing and painting bookshelves gave Decker much needed downtime, using his body instead of his mind. By two in the morning, the chemical cleaning fumes had become overwhelming, so the shul gang broke for the night. Rina was out as soon as she hit the pillow, but Decker remained fitful, dreaming in dribs and drabs about rebellious boys, his own stepson included. He awoke with a start at five-thirty—it was still dark—and drowned his lethargy with three cups of espresso. At six, he took his prayer shawl and his phylacteries and rushed over to the synagogue to join the men in morning services—an anomaly because usually their small house of worship couldn’t round up a quorum. But the events of yesterday motivated the community to try a little harder.

Right before the services started, half of Yonkie’s school—including Yonkie—came in to join them. Some smart kid even had the grace to bring in Danishes and juice as a reward for participation. It was downright homespun and everyone seemed friendlier, more social and a lot more grateful—praying with sincerity … making it count. By eight—after demolishing the snacks—the men started leaving to begin their working day. Rina, along with several other women, came in just as the men were filing out. They were holding pails, scrub brushes, scouring pads, and lots of Scotch tape to piece together torn bits of the holy books. Decker helped them unload the cleaning material.

“I’ve never seen the place so spotless,” he remarked to his wife.

“Almost like it never happened,” Rina answered. “What’s with that kid? Why on earth would he do such a terrible thing? I know you can’t answer me. I’m just wondering out loud.”

“Darling, I’m just as confused as you.”

Rina regarded her husband. “Poor Peter. You look tired.”

“I’m fine.” Decker smiled to prove the point. “How come you look so good? It’s not fair.”

“It’s called foundation to hide the dark circles.”

“Ah.”

“Also, you’re not wearing your glasses.”

“I don’t need glasses!” Decker insisted. “Only with medicine bottles. Let’s not rush things.”

Rina grinned. “Did I tell you I love you this morning?”

“No, you didn’t.”

She did. Then she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. Then she handed him a paper bag. “I packed you lunch. Please remember to eat it.”

“That’s never been my problem … not eating.”

She pinched his ribs. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Below the belt, kid.”

“Stop talking that way.” Rina smiled. “We’re in a shul.”

Decker laughed and hugged her. She felt tense and tight. He said, “Don’t overdo it with all the cleaning, Rina. You’re punishing muscles that you’re not used to using.”

She broke away and rubbed her shoulder. “I’m aware of that.”

“I’m going to remember that ‘below the belt’ comment,” Decker said. “Especially tonight.”

“I sure hope so.”

Decker laughed again, then gave her a final wave and returned to his car. Before he started the engine, he tried the Goldings’ home phone number. When no one picked up, he left another message. He had almost made it to the precinct’s parking lot when impulse overtook reason. He did a safe but illegal U-turn in the middle of the street, backtracking until he hit the Goldings’ neighborhood—a ritzy area containing blocks of spacious homes on acre lots. The development had its own tennis courts, swimming pools, saunas, Jacuzzis, workout gymnasiums, and recreation rooms as well as its own private patrol. As Decker groped around for the specific address, a white-and-blue rent-a-cop slowed his cruiser to check him out. Decker flashed his badge. The private cop nodded, then parked in the middle of the street and got out. He showed Decker the route to the Golding abode.

Ernesto lived in a house that was an amorphous blob, resembling a mound of melting chocolate ice cream. It was constructed out of adobe and probably would have looked great in Santa Fe, but since it sat in a lane of traditional Tudor, colonial, and Mediterranean houses, the place looked unfinished. More than unfinished, it looked like a project that someone forgot to start. The front landscaping was an assemblage of rocks and stones, sitting in beds of sand, and drought-resistant plants, mostly varieties of cacti, but there were also ice plants for ground cover and other flowering mint-colored foliage. A couple of stunted pines framed an old, carved door—the front entrance.

Decker knocked but didn’t expect anything. To his surprise, Carter Golding answered with Jill peeking over his shoulder. Even more surprising, they acted as if they wanted to see him.

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