The Perfect Match

“Come on,” Goggy said. “Let’s get this movie over with before someone comes to lock me up. They use restraints, I hear.”

“Honor! How are you?” asked Cathy Kennedy, who didn’t live here but came in for the movies. “Honey, Louise and I happened to be at O’Rourke’s the other night. Such a surprise.”

Honor’s face heated in a rush. “Well, you know. It’s a little quiet in the winter here. I was just trying to liven things up.” Mercifully, it was time for her to get the film going.

Honor had started the Watch and Wine club a couple of years ago: show a movie that had even a little bit of wine in it and pair it with a themed tasting. For Uncorked, they’d of course had the Chateau Montelena chardonnay. Pinot noir for Sideways. A full-bodied cab for Twilight, though the combination of wine and Taylor Lautner’s torso had proved too much for some, and 9-1-1 had to be called when Mrs. Griggs fainted.

The monthly gathering had almost immediately been renamed Watch and Whine, given the propensity of the viewers to discuss their most recent health issues, peppering Honor with questions, which she (and her iPad) did their best to answer. Hey. It was a hobby, and one she’d listed on Match.com. Visits the sick and imprisoned.

As Honor set up the film in the projector in the gorgeous auditorium, Goggy sat on one of the plush seats, sighing dramatically. “Just put a pillow over my face if it ever comes to this,” she said.

“Goggy, you told Faith you wouldn’t mind a new place,” Honor said. “Remember? When she was moving into the Opera House?”

“Oh, I meant a place without your grandfather. But the old fool wouldn’t last a week without me. He’d starve to death. I honestly don’t know if he could find the refrigerator on his own.” She paused. “It’s a thought.” Goggy suddenly sat bolt upright. “Speaking of miserable marriages, I found someone for you!”

Honor gave her a wary look. “Uh, that’s okay, Goggy.” Goggy had recently suggested she marry Bobby McIntosh “before he ended up a serial killer.”

“No, he’s wonderful! You should meet him. Plus, it would help you get over you-know-who. And then you could get married and give me some more great-grandchildren.”

The projector’s lightbulb was out. Was there another one? She opened the drawer of the AV cart. Bingo. “Just for the sake of conversation, who is this future husband of mine?”

“You remember Candace, my old friend? She moved to Philadelphia in 1955? They drove that enormous Packard?”

Honor gave her grandmother a quizzical look. “I wasn’t born then, Goggy. So no, I don’t remember.”

“Well, before I married your idiot grandfather—”

“You make it sound so romantic.”

“Hush up and listen. Before I married your idiot grandfather, I was engaged to Candace’s brother. He died in the war.” She gave Honor a regal, suffering look, perfected from years of practice.

“I know, Goggy. It’s such a sweet, sad story.”

Goggy’s face softened. “Thank you. Anyway, Candace also had a sister, but she was older and stayed in England.”

“Uh-huh.” What this had to do with matchmaking was anyone’s guess, but such was the mind of Goggy. Honor unscrewed the burned-out lightbulb with some difficulty.

“So this sister had a son, and then that son had a son, and Candace just adores him, and anyway, the boy’s been living here for a few years and he needs a green card.”

Honor squinted, trying to filter through the bundle of facts.

“So you should marry him. Nothing wrong with an arranged marriage.”

“As in, you and Pops worked out so well?” She opened the drawer on the cart and took out a replacement bulb.

The old lady chuffed. “Please. You want to be married, or you want to be happy?”

“Both?”

Goggy snorted. “You young people. So spoiled. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with this boy. He’s very nice and extremely good-looking.”

Honor screwed in the new lightbulb. “Have you ever met him?”

“No. But he is.”

“Seen a picture?”

“No. Charming, too.”

“So you’ve talked to him on the phone?”

“No.”

“Facebook? Email?”

“No, Honor. You know I don’t believe in computers.”

“Hi there, Honor,” called Mr. Christian from the back of the auditorium. “Heard you were in a girl fight the other day.”

“Thanks for bringing it up,” Honor said. “Anyway, Goggy, it sounds like you really don’t know this person at all.”

“What’s to know? He’s British.”

“That may or may not help his case. If he sounds like Prince Charles, there’s no way in hell I’ll marry him. Does he have those big teeth?”

“Don’t be so superficial, honey! He’s a professor,” Goggy added. “Electrical engineering or math or something.”

An image of Honor’s own math teacher in college, a damp man with onion breath, came to mind.

“So he needs a green card,” Goggy said, “you’re single, and you two should get married.”

“Okay, first of all, sure, I’d love to get married if I met someone great and fell in love, but if that doesn’t happen, I’m fine on my own.” Oh, the lies. “Secondly, I don’t want to get married just to check it off a list. And thirdly, I’m pretty sure marrying for a green card is illegal.” She paused. “Why doesn’t he just go back to England?”

“There was a tragedy.” Another triumphant look from Goggy.

“What kind?”

“I don’t know. Does it matter, Honor? You’re thirty-five. That’s when the eggs start spoiling. That’s when I started menopause.” Oh, snap. “Besides, if I can stay married to your grandfather for sixty-five years and not have murdered him yet, why can’t you do the same with this boy?”

“How old is this person? You keep calling him a boy.”

“I don’t know. Anyone under sixty is a boy to me.”

“So he’s a math teacher and distantly related to an old friend of yours, and that’s all you’ve got on him?”

Goggy waved to Mrs. Lunqvist. “Young people,” she called. “They’re so fussy!” Mrs. Lunqvist, who used to terrorize the kids in Bible study with tales of fiery devastation of Biblical cities, nodded in agreement. “So you’ll meet him?”

What have you got to lose? the eggs asked, looking up from their quilting. Didn’t you hear what she said about menopause?

Honor sighed. “Sure,” she said.

“I just thought it’d be nice,” Goggy said. “I have a soft spot for his family, that’s all. You’d be surprised at how many times I think of Peter and what my life would be like if he hadn’t died in World War II. Protecting freedom and saving the world. So when I heard his grandnephew was in town, all by himself, lonely, depressed, British—”

Such a prize. “You can stop now, Goggy, I just said I’ll meet the guy.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

Goggy smiled triumphantly.

“Don’t go planning any weddings,” Honor warned. “I’m just doing it to be polite.” An image of a balding man with large, horselike teeth and a love of sharing math theorems popped into her head. “What’s his name?”

“Tom Barlow.” A completely ordinary name. Not like Brogan Cain, for example. “I told him you’d meet him tonight at O’Rourke’s.”

“What?”

“And put on lipstick, for heaven’s sake. You’re such a pretty girl. And be nice! It wouldn’t kill you to smile. Oh, there’s Henrietta Blanchette. I heard she got food poisoning from that slop they serve here. I’ll go say hi.”

Honor’s mood was soft after the movie. First, the wine had been fantastic, this lovely Tempranillo with hints of strawberries, cherry jam and leather. Then the Rushing Creek residents, who loved Watch and Wine and always had something nice to say (once they’d gotten their kicks out of mentioning her catfight, that was). But in general, whatever barriers seemed to exist between Honor and her peers evaporated with old people, who called her honey and dear and told her about their kidney stones and varicose veins. Also, one couldn’t rule out the movie itself. Keanu Reeves, amen, sister. The kiss in that movie—the kiss, the babymaker—had she ever been kissed like that?

Er, no.

Nope, no man had ever been desperate to kiss her. No man had ever kissed her like he’d die if he didn’t. No sirree. Didn’t happen. Didn’t seem like it was going to happen, either, not when a middle-aged British math teacher was her only prospect.

That could change. She’d update her dating website profiles. Ask Faith to help her out with things like push-up bras and flirting. Maybe some of the men she did business with were single, and maybe they’d notice her. It could happen.

It’s just that no one was like Brogan.

Nope, nope. No more thoughts like that. So over him. Almost. Well, getting there. Okay, not at all, really.

As she walked through Rushing Creek, she heard a familiar laugh.

Right. Dana cut hair every other Thursday at Rushing Creek’s salon. Honor had recommended her for the gig, actually.

The sound made Honor stop in her tracks, her stomach suddenly flooded with a cold rush of emotion. Anger, embarrassment, jealousy, loneliness...

Yeah. Loneliness.

Don’t let her see you.

Dana looked up and saw. “Honor!” she called. “Do you have a second?”

Fungus. Feeling her face flush, Honor nodded. She went into the salon, which, though small, was a lot nicer than House of Hair.

“Mrs. Jenkins, I just need to take out your hearing aid, okay?” Dana asked, slipping it out. “There,” she said to Honor. “Now we can talk. The old bat’s deaf as dirt.”

An unexpected yearning swooped through Honor’s chest. For five years, since Dana moved to Manningsport, they’d been friends, the type of friend Honor hadn’t had since college. Hanging out, calling for no reason, commiserating over work, family, men. They’d had a lot of good times together. A lot of laughs.

Honor didn’t say anything. Then again, she didn’t leave, either.

“That’s some haircut,” Dana said. “Not bad. Where’d you get it done? Parisian’s?”

Still, Honor didn’t answer. They were not going to talk about hairstyles (but yes, it was Parisian’s).

“Look, you gave it your best shot, Honor. Okay?” Dana went on. “He didn’t love you. You’re the one who said you were done with him, and he and I just ran into each other one night at O’Rourke’s, and one thing led to another. It was a complete shock to us both.”

“I’m actually surprised you had waited as long as you did, Dana.”

Bitter Betty, table for one. But it had only been six weeks since she’d been...betrayed. No other word would do.

“Honor, I’m sorry, I really am. I know you wanted Brogan to love you, but it’s not my fault he didn’t.”

“Could you lower your voice, please?” Honor said, her face burning.

“Oh, please. She hasn’t heard anything since Clinton was president.” Dana cut her a glance, her face softening. “How many times have you and I talked about just this exact thing? The guy you least expect to fall for and then boom, you’ve fallen. And he happened to fall for me, too. We were just chatting at the bar.” She gave Honor a small, smug smile. “And all of a sudden, there was this charge in the air.”

Dana was gloating. Brogan and she knew each other, of course. Sometimes, the three of them had gone out together. If there’d been any charge in the air, Honor hadn’t noticed.

Dana was quiet for a minute. “I know you had a crush on him since the dawn of time.”

“It was more than a crush, Dana. Don’t minimize my feelings to make yourself feel less guilty.”

“I don’t feel guilty,” she said, turning back to Mrs. Jenkins, her scissors flying in a sinister hiss. She got paid sixty-five dollars a haircut, Honor knew. Sixty-five bucks for taking a millimeter off someone’s hair. “Look, I know you were surprised. But I still think you owe me an apology.”

The noise that came out of Honor’s mouth was somewhere between a sputter, a choke and a laugh. “An apology?”

“Just a little trim around the ears,” Mrs. Jenkins said. “Not too short, dear.”

“Got it, Mrs. Jenkins,” Dana barked. “Not too short.” Her voice lowered, and she looked at Honor. “Yeah, an apology. I don’t appreciate having wine thrown in my face, not to mention being shoved in a restaurant in front of the guy I love.”

Honor’s mouth opened and closed a few times. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Listen. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you, but does that mean that both Brogan and I are supposed to ignore what we feel for each other?” Her words might’ve had more impact if her tone hadn’t been as sharp as her scissors. The horrible, beautiful engagement ring flashed as her hands moved over Mrs. Jenkins’s head. “Seriously, we didn’t plan it. It just happened.”

Oh, that infuriating phrase! Nothing just happened. Vaginas didn’t just happen to fall on penises. Unspoken words bubbled up like lava. Do I look that stupid? You were supposed to be my friend. You made me a martini that night. I cried on your couch! We watched Shark Week! And a few weeks later, you were sleeping with the guy who broke my heart. For crying out loud, you told me in a bar. Two against one, in a bar.

Yes, she could say those things, and denigrate her pride even further. Remind Dana just how pathetic she’d been...and give Dana more chance to gloat. Because wasn’t that what she was doing?

“I guess we have different ideas of what it means to be friends,” she said tightly.

“Yeah. Friends don’t throw wine in their friends’ faces.”

“Fine. I was very surprised, and I reacted badly. But I seem to remember you reacting just as badly in return.”

“Someone throws wine into my face, yeah, I do react badly.” She gave Honor a little smile. “So. Are we good?”

In the mirror, Honor saw her own mouth fall open. She closed it. “I don’t know that we’re ever going to be good, Dana.”

“Why? Water under the bridge, right? It was dramatic, you feel embarrassed, so do I, a little.” She shrugged, still smiling. “Let’s get past it. I mean, what else are we gonna do? Hate each other forever? Okay. I have to put this hearing aid back in or the old bag will start to suspect something.” Unexpectedly, she gave Honor a quick hug. “I’m glad we talked. I mean, yeah, things’ll be weird for a while, but we’re still best friends, right? And hell’s bells, girl, I have a wedding to plan!”

“Oh, I love weddings,” Mrs. Jenkins said, adjusting her hearing aid.

“Come by the salon, and I’ll shape up your bangs,” Dana said. “See you soon!”

And, because she didn’t know what else to say, and really, really wanted to get out of there, Honor left.

CHAPTER FOUR

HAVING TWO GLASSES of whiskey probably wasn’t the most brilliant idea before a fix-up, Tom thought. But he wasn’t driving. And also, though he hated to point out the obvious, even to himself, it was too late. One could not undrink whiskey, unless one vomited, which Tom was not going to do.

“Off to meet the future Mrs. Barlow,” he told his reflection. “Excited, mate?”

This did not have a good feeling to it. First of all, the whole criminal aspect of the night cast a bit of a pall, didn’t it? And secondly, his great-aunt was fixing him up. He still had a tiny shred of pride left after Melissa, but this would probably kill it. But for whatever reason, when Candace had called, clucking in excitement, he’d said he’d love to meet her pen pal’s granddaughter.

He walked the three blocks to the town green. There was another thing. If he did manage to stay in this godforsaken town, he’d have to stay in this godforsaken town, and bloody hell! The weather! Made England look like paradise, and that was saying a lot.

But Charlie was here. Not that the boy wanted Tom around. Yesterday, Tom had gone the tried and true route and attempted to bribe his way into Charlie’s affection with an iPhone. When Tom tried to show him a few of the new features, the boy went limp with disgust, rolled his eyes and then stared straight ahead, arms crossed, silently counting the seconds till Tom left.

So marrying just to stay here...it felt a bit like buying a house on Isle of the Damned. Not that he’d actually do it. But for some reason, here he was, trudging through the slush to meet some middle-aged woman Aunt Candy had said could keep her mouth shut. Someone who was desperate enough to consider marrying a stranger. Someone whose “clock is ticking.” Fantastic. He could only imagine what she looked like. Dame Judi Dench came to mind. Talented, sure. Did he want to bang Dame Judi Dench? No, he did not.

Then again, he hadn’t done so well on his own, had he? Melissa, though quite the looker, hadn’t turned out to be such a prize.

The warmth of the pub was welcome. At least the little town had this, a little tavern at which to drown one’s sorrows.

“Hello, Colleen,” he said, because yeah, befriending the bartender was never a bad idea.

“Hallo, Tom,” she said in a fair imitation of his accent. “Bass ale tonight?”

“I’ll have a whiskey, love,” he said.

“Not your first, I’m guessing.”

“You’re astute and beautiful. A bit terrifying.”

“You driving?”

“No, miss.” He smiled. She cocked an eyebrow and poured him his drink.

“I’m meeting Honor Holland,” he said. “Do you know her?”

“I know everyone,” Colleen answered. “I’ll send her over when she gets here.”

Tom made his way to a booth at the back of the bar where they could talk about illegal matters privately. There was a uniformed policeman there, but he was occupied with a pretty redhead, so the fact that Tom was perhaps a bit drunk already might go unnoticed. And let’s not forget. He was also planning to commit a crime.

He took a sip of whiskey and tried to relax. Yesterday after Candace called, he’d looked up green card fraud on dear old Google. Not encouraging. Jail time. Whopping fines. Deportation with no possibility of ever living in the States again.

He could go back to England. Visit Charlie once or twice a year. And then—Tom could see it already—the visits would become less frequent. He’d get weary of trying to carve out a friendship with some kid who bloody well hated him. Charlie would turn to drugs and terrible music—or even worse music, as the case might be. Tom would marry some nice English girl who’d resent the time and money it took to cross the Pond, and the memory of that small, lovely boy who’d once flown kites with him would fade into obscurity.

Fuck-all.

“Are you Tom?”

He looked up and there was Catfight Woman Number One standing right in front of him. “Hello! It’s you!”

“Um, have we met?”

“Not officially,” he said. “Though I have fond memories of you.”

He could do worse, he noted. She was...all right. She was sort of pretty. Also, she was here, which was nice of her. Unfortunately, he seemed a bit knackered. This would be a case of subliminally shooting himself in the foot, he might say, if he were an aficionado of Dr. Freud. Yep. Pissed. His vocabulary and accent tended to mushroom exponentially when under the influence.

She frowned. “I’m Honor Holland.”

Something moved in her handbag, and Tom jumped. “Shit, darling, I hate to tell you this, but there seems to be a rat in your bag.”

“Very funny. It’s my dog.”

“Is it? If you say so. Well, Honor Holland. Lovely to meet you.”

“You, too.” Her expression contradicted that statement, but she sat down. The rat peeked out of the bag and bared its teeth. Ah. It was a dog, he was almost positive.

“So.” She folded her hands—pretty hands, very tidy with clear polish on her short nails—and looked at him. “I gather you’re the Brit who was in the bar the night of my little...meltdown.”

“Darling, that wasn’t little,” he said warmly. “It was bloody magnificent.”

“Can we skip over that?”

“Absolutely! Though if you’d like to reminisce, I’m all ears. Your hair’s quite different, isn’t it? Looks better. That sister-wife thing was a bit off-putting. Also, there’s less for people to grab if you get into another fight. Very practical of you. So. Shall we get married?”

His charm seemed to be lost on her. “Okay, I’m leaving. I don’t think we need to waste any more time here, do you?”

“Oh, come now, darling. Give us a chance, won’t you? I’m a bit nervous.” He smiled. When he smiled in class, most of the females (and a couple of the lads as well) got a bit swoony.

She blushed. Brilliant. She covered by looking into her purse, where the little rat dog was still baring its teeth at him. Tom tried smiling at the dog. Didn’t have quite the same effect as it had on the wee beastie’s owner.

The server appeared. “Hi, Monica,” Honor said. “Got anything special tonight?”

“We’ve got two bottles of the McGregor Black Russian Red.”

“I’ll have a glass of that, then.”

So Miss Holland wasn’t leaving yet. “And I’ll have another of these,” Tom said, holding up his empty glass.

“No, he won’t,” Honor said.

“Taking care of me already, love?” he asked.

“You got it,” the serving wench said, giving Tom the eye. He winked at her, and off she went.

“Are you drunk?” Honor asked.

“Please,” he said. “I’m British. The proper word is pissed.”

“Great,” she muttered.

“So, Miss Holland. Thanks for coming to meet me.”

She didn’t answer. Just looked at him, expressionless.

She wasn’t bad. Nothing wrong with her. Blondish hair. Brown eyes. Normal build, though he wished the shirt was a bit more revealing so he could take a look. Those pearls weren’t doing much for her sex appeal.

Take them off, and yeah, he could imagine her in bed. Quite vividly, in fact. On second thought, leave the pearls on and take off everything else.

Oh, shit. He rubbed the back of his neck. The server brought Honor her wine and Tom’s whiskey.

His date didn’t touch her glass.

“Right,” he said. “Why don’t I summarize what I know about you, and you can fill in the gaps—how’s that?”

“Fine,” she said.

“As I understand it, you were in love with a bloke who was clearly using you for sex and is now marrying your best mate.”

She closed her eyes.

“Don’t forget, darling, I had a front-row seat that night. So now you’ve realized your knight in shining armor is, in fact, a faithless whore of a man—”

“You know what? It wasn’t like that. So shut up.”

Tom leaned back in his seat and squinted at her. “Funny, that. How women always rush to defend the men who’ve scraped them off their shoes. Interesting.” Now was the time he should stop talking. “Anyway, you backed the wrong pony and now you’re a bit desperate. Want to get married, prove you’re over the wanker, pop out a couple kids while there’s still time.”

She sputtered. His mouth kept doing its thing. “That’s all fine. As for me, I need a green card. Not sure about kids just yet, but I say let’s get married and figure that out later. You’re female, you’re not old, you’re not ugly. Sold.”

God. He was such a bunghole.

She stared him down. Had to give her credit for that. “I’ll let you get the check,” she said.

The relief he felt was mixed with regret. “Cheerio, then. Lovely to meet you.”

“Wish I could say the same,” she said, sliding out of the booth.

“Don’t forget the vermin,” he said, nodding to her bag. She grabbed it and left without looking back.

“Well done, mate,” he said to himself, a familiar feeling of disgust in his stomach. He pressed his fingers against his forehead for a second, resisting the urge to follow Miss Holland and apologize for being such a prick.

It was just that using someone was easier in theory than in reality. Even for Charlie’s sake.

Besides, he’d been with a woman who was in love with someone else. Been there, done that, had those scars.

And realizing she was the woman who’d been so...passionate that night...he rather liked that wine-tossing, hair-pulling woman. Someone like her deserved better than a marriage of convenience, whatever her reasons for coming here tonight.

CHAPTER FIVE

“I DON’T KNOW if I’m the red-lipstick type,” Honor said two nights later. “I feel a little like Pennywise the Clown.”