Crave

“Well, of course you won’t turn into Carrie.” Mom laughed. “Because we won’t be teaching you magic.”

“It is the bloodlust we are more concerned about,” Dad said. “And if you do not learn to control it, you very well might end up jumping on people at school.”

Giving in to the insanity for a second, I huffed out a short sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ve got a question for you. Why now? I mean, let’s pretend y’all are serious, you’re not messing with me here, and I’m not hallucinating. If you’re truly vamps and witches, then why tell me now and not before?”

“Because we couldn’t wait any longer,” Mom said, rising to her feet and taking my hand. “We wanted you to have a normal life for as long as possible. But when the teas stopped working and we couldn’t prevent your first monthly cycle any longer—”

“Oh, ew!” Dad was right there! Then I realized what she’d said and frowned. “Wait. Did you just say you gave me tea to … prevent … that?”

Nanna nodded. “We gave you a special tea every day that delayed your puberty.”

“Until I was fifteen?” Horror made me shriek. All my friends had had their periods since they were twelve and thirteen. All this time I’d been feeling like a freak of nature because I was such a late bloomer. “Why would you do that to me?”

“Because puberty’s done exactly what we feared,” Nanna snapped. “It’s triggered your dormant genes. Now they’re all waking up, and heaven only knows what’s going to happen next. And watch your tone, missy—we’re still your parents.”

Reaching behind me, I felt for the bed then sank onto the edge of it before my knees could give out.

“Hon, I know it’s a lot to absorb all at once,” Mom said. “I swear, if we could have avoided telling you, we would have. We were so hoping you wouldn’t take after either side and would be … well, normal. But it’s just too dangerous now for you not to know. Your being sick for a whole week is a strong sign that one or both sides might begin to kick in. Which means you could start developing any number of abilities or impulses. If and when you do, we all need to be ready so we can help you learn to control them.”

Impulses. Abilities. What was I, some sort of wild animal about to go out of control?

Mom sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “You could try to think of it as if you were learning you have just an ordinary hereditary illness. Your parents’ genes have predisposed you toward developing certain … issues in life. But they might or might not affect your daily life. We just have to all be prepared in case they do.”

“You mean, in case I start to develop a taste for blood?” I couldn’t believe I was even saying this.

Dad’s nod made it even more surreal. “You could begin to crave human blood. Your gaze might begin to have adverse effects on others when you look at them. Heightened reflexes, physical speed and mental processes are all possible. And then, of course, there is the possibility of fangs.”

Fangs. O. M. Freakin’ G. He sounded like one of those drug-commercial announcers rattling off possible side effects.

“Or strange things may start to happen when you get upset,” Mom added. “Like … “

“Like flying plates,” Nanna said, a hint of a snicker in her voice. As if any of this were funny.

Mom glared at her. “That wasn’t an accident. Now if I’d set the kitchen on fire …”

And that’s when I realized they were serious about this. This wasn’t a prank, and unless I woke up soon, I wasn’t dreaming, either.

Which meant … I was half vampire, half witch. And all freak. Just like the Brat Twins had been saying for years. Oh, crap. “The Clann. Do they all know …?” I remembered the way the Brat Twins called me “freak” all the time and seemed scared of me sometimes…. They definitely knew. Did Tristan know, too?

“The adults know. The kids don’t,” Mom said. “At least, the elders swore they wouldn’t tell the younger descendants after they cast us out. Only the adult descendants were supposed to be warned.”

Nanna grunted. “Now, whether the elders actually kept that promise …”

“Why do the adults know about me? And what do you mean, cast out?”

It was Nanna and Mom’s turn to look confused. Mom was the one to answer. “We thought you’d figured that part out already. Our family used to be in the Clann, too. Magic is what ties all of Jacksonville’s founding families together in the first place. I’m sure you must have heard at least a rumor or two about it.”

Jacksonville’s gossip grapevine had it right, then. “So the Clann are all witches. Like a coven.”

Mom and Nanna both nodded.

“But … we go to church,” I argued, trying to wrap my mind around the idea that the Brat Twins were witches in more than just a figurative way. Not to mention Tristan.

Holy heck. Tristan was a witch.

“Magic isn’t a religion for us like it is for Wiccans,” Nanna said. “Most of the Clann’s descendants are Christians who just happen to be gifted with the ability to do magic. It’s genetics, not a lifestyle choice.”

Yeah, and I was sure everyone here in the Bible Belt of East Texas would really understand that distinction.

When I could make my brain work again, another thought hit me. “Wait. Dad, if you’re a vampire, how can you go out in the daylight? And what about garlic, and holy water, and—”

“Vampires are like any other species, Savannah. We have evolved over the years. Sunlight no longer hurts us. Garlic and holy items never did—that was just religious propaganda. We all started out as humans with souls. Only our bodies have been changed by the hybrid vampire blood.”

I pressed a shaking hand to my forehead, which was pounding out a rhythm I couldn’t keep up with. “Okay. So you’re saying I might, or might not, start turning into an even bigger freak.”

“Stop saying that word,” Mom grumbled. “The proper term is dhampir.”

“So there are others like me?”

“No,” Dad answered. “Until your birth, dhampirs were a myth among our kind. We did not believe our race of vampires could procreate because of the demon mix in our origin’s lineage. And no vampire in our society has ever consorted with a human long enough for a baby to be created.”

“Because …?”

Mom cleared her throat. “Well, hon, because vampires don’t usually have that kind of self-control. They tend to either turn their human lovers or …” The look on her face finished her sentence.

Or kill them. I snuck a peek at Dad. He appeared as emotionless as ever.

“But you didn’t,” I said to him. “Why?”

Nanna smiled. “Because I made a charm for your mother that dampened his bloodlust when he was around her.”

“So you were actually okay with their being together?” I realized after the words were out how rude they sounded. Too late to take it back now.

Nanna shrugged. “Your mother’s always been hardheaded. It was either make a charm to ensure he didn’t kill her, or lock her up in a vault somewhere.”

“Okay. So then you can make a charm for me, too, right? Something that’ll prevent all those … those symptoms Dad listed?” Something that would keep me nice and normal and human. No blood drinking, no flying plates.

“Well, I could, but—”

“But that would be unwise,” Dad cut in. “It would be similar to giving morphine to a patient who has yet to be diagnosed. Charms would mask the appearance of any symptoms. We need to see what abilities develop within you. Then we will teach you how to control them yourself. Without magic.”

“So I’m supposed to … to just deal with it?”

“I know this is very difficult for you,” Mom said. “But I promise we’re all here for you, and we’re going to help you through this. And hey, it might not be a big deal, after all. You could just as easily not develop any abilities at all, or take after the Evans side and have only the magical blood within you. We’re going to take it one day at a time, and we’ll work through it as a team.”

A team. As if there was any “we” in this. There wasn’t. This was me we were talking about, not them; my life, not theirs, that might go insane at any moment. My life that had been one long series of lies and crazy family secrets.

“The important thing is for you to communicate openly with us,” Dad said. “If you begin to experience strange urges or abilities, you must let us know at once. I will also be calling you once a week to check in with you.”

Huh, right. I should just tell them every detail about my life. Like they did for me, keeping so many secrets from me for fifteen years.

“You must also stay away from all members of the Clann,” Dad warned. “Especially their leading family, the Colemans.”

“Uh, not that I’m exactly friends with any of them anyways, but … why?”

“The Clann’s powerful blood calls to vampires stronger than any other humans’,” he said. “The more powerful they are, the more attractive they appear to a vampire. Since the Colemans have been their most powerful family for the last four generations, it is reasonable to assume that they will tempt your vampire side first and more than any others in their circle. Also, there is no way of knowing if all of the Clann parents are aware of your … situation and adequately protecting their children with charms. They have assured us that they have many of their descendants watching you on campus at all times—I believe several of them are teachers. But even still, if your vampire side does develop and one of them is not protected, you could begin to experience the bloodlust around them. Especially if one of them is injured around you. Then even a charm might not help.”

Oh. Of course. So that was why I always felt so weird around Tristan. Because he was a Coleman, and I was a …

No. I refused to even think of myself as that word. Not yet. Not until I had to.

And then another thought hit me. Sweet Lord. No wonder the Clann kids all deserted me in the fourth grade. Their parents had probably warned them to avoid me like the plague. Because they were afraid I might try to kill their kids. Which meant Tristan must at least know I wasn’t normal. But how much did he know?

I clamped my lips shut so I wouldn’t say something that would give away my thoughts and get me into trouble. But inside, my stomach burned and rolled.

Mom patted my shoulder. “All right, hon, why don’t you go take that shower you wanted, while your Nanna and I make you something to eat? And later when you have questions, we’ll be happy to answer them.”

“Joan, I must go.” Something dark edged at Dad’s tone.

Mom must have noticed it, too; she jumped to her feet. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

“What now?” I demanded, more than fed up with the secrecy. “Whatever it is, don’t hide it.”

“I must report to the vampire council, and your mother is probably wondering if they will send watchers to Jacksonville to mark your changes,” Dad said.

Mom nodded, her hand tightening on my shoulder, though I didn’t think she realized it.

“Watchers?” Council? Good Lord, it was never ending. What else didn’t I know about my family, about myself, about the world I lived in?

“I do not think it is anything to worry about just yet,” Dad reassured us both. “Especially if you follow the rules and stay away from the Clann’s descendants.”

As long as I stayed away from Tristan. Who wouldn’t speak to me anyway.

Dad leaned down to kiss my forehead with icy lips I’d never thought to question before and a whisper of cold breath. Vampire lips. Breath as cold as death. And I might end up just like him. I suppressed a shudder. Then Mom walked with him out of the room while Nanna headed for the kitchen. A few seconds later, I heard the front door open and shut, followed by the revving of an engine in the front yard as my father left.

My vampire father.

Holy crap.

CHAPTER 3

Savannah

I took the longest shower our hot-water heater would allow, spending more time trying to wrap my mind around this strange new reality than I spent washing myself. Part of me still clung to the hope that it was all just a case of my imagination going berserk. But everything was too real … the slippery porcelain beneath my feet, the cold, wet tile wall holding me up, the hot water burning its way over my skin. And it wasn’t just anyone telling wild stories here. All this stuff about demons and vampires and witches was coming from my entire family, the three people I loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world.

When the water ran cold, I got out, dried off, then studied my reflection in the mirror. Was it because I was freaked out, or did I really look … different? My eyes seemed bigger, my cheekbones more pronounced. My upper incisors might’ve become a little pointier than they’d already been. I was definitely paler, but who wouldn’t be after being sick? And my hair seemed thicker and darker, less orange, more auburn. My imagination, too? Maybe.

I wondered if Tristan would notice, then banished that thought. He was in the Clann. Worse, he was the son of the Clann’s leading family.

And I had to avoid him at all cost.

“Mom?”

A few seconds later, as if she’d been nearby listening for me, she opened the door a few inches and poked her head in.

“Yes?”

“Why aren’t we in the Clann anymore?”

“Well, they weren’t too thrilled when I broke the rules and married your father. And when your Nanna didn’t try to stop us, they kicked her out, too. It’s a real no-no for vampires and witches to get involved with each other.”

“Because vampires tend to kill witches.” I sighed.

“They did before the truce. At one point, before even your grandmother’s time, it was an all-out war between them. But now they’ve agreed to avoid each other as much as possible. Which is why no vampires live around here, including your father. This is Clann territory. And vampires have reason to fear descendants, too, since they can of course kill vampires much easier than normal humans can.”

At my confused look, she explained, “Fire. Vampires can be killed by fire. Or decapitation or a stake through the heart, but those methods require a weapon. Witches, real ones, can produce fire in the palm of their hand.” She held out her hand palm up, concentrated … and a tiny ball of orange flame burst to life in her hand. At the same time, faint prickles raced over the back of my neck and down my arms.

My brain blanked out for several seconds. Then my heart lurched back into gear. Hoooly crap, she wasn’t kidding. She really could do magic! Reaching toward the flame, I opened my mouth to ask when I would get to learn that.

“Oh, no.” She snapped her hand closed, extinguishing the fire with a sizzle. “Don’t even ask, because the answer is no. Creating fire is too dangerous for you, in case your vampire genes make it hard for you to control the flame. And you’re not learning any other magic, either.”

“Why not?” I tried hard not to whine. But honestly, what was the point of learning all of this stuff if I couldn’t even do real magic someday?

“Because both the Clann and the vampire council made your Nanna and I swear that we would never teach you how to do magic. It was the only way I could get to raise you and we could stay in Jacksonville.”

“I can’t ever learn to do magic?”

She shook her head. “Sorry, hon, not unless the Clann and the vampire council both change their minds.”

“What if my magical side starts developing, like you said? Will I just start shooting out magic spells or something?”

She laughed. “Not likely, since it takes both your willpower and certain spell words for beginner witches to cast a spell. Magic is like a muscle for most descendants. If you never use it, like I haven’t for a while, it atrophies and is harder to use. If you practice, you get stronger and it’s easier to do. We’re hoping if you never do magic, the ability will simply go away for you. Or at least be very hard to do accidentally.”

Disappointed, I frowned down at the sink. This really sucked. Nanna was always telling me to focus on the good in every situation. But there seemed to be absolutely nothing positive about my life right now.

After a slight hesitation, Mom came the rest of the way into the bathroom and leaned against the edge of the sink’s counter. “Look, Savannah, I know it’s hard, but try to see things from everyone else’s point of view, too. You are special, incredibly so. Other than in myths, you’re the first dhampir in proven existence from your father’s line, the first real live half vampire, half human.”

“You mean half witch,” I muttered, aiming for sarcasm. Which she ignored.

“Right. Until you, no one thought vampires from your father’s line could even get a human pregnant. Then your father and I broke the rules, I got pregnant, and we got married.”

“Wait. You got pregnant then got married?”

She gave a sheepish grin. “Yeah, you know, sometimes it works that way. But it was worth it. Even when our marriage meant your father lost his seat on the council—”

“Because of me?”

She winced. “Not quite. More a combination of factors … like drinking Clann blood to block his thoughts from the council so he could break their rules, marry a human and have a baby.”

But they only got married after they found out they were going to have me. So didn’t that still make it my fault that Dad was kicked off the council?

“Anyways,” she continued, “when you actually made it to full term then survived the first year of life, everyone on both sides of the equation went nuts. The vampire council thinks you’re going to be some sort of secret weapon for the Clann if you develop magical skills. And the Clann is afraid you’ll either go fully vampire and try to eat them all or use magic against them.” She laughed.

I couldn’t breathe.

Her smile faded. “Oh, sorry, baby. Your father and I spent years joking about everyone’s crazy fears. They’re all ridiculously paranoid, on both sides of the line. Before your birth, they actually thought he and I had teamed up to rid the world of both the Clann and all the vampires! Bunch of fruitcakes. But I guess it’s not that funny to you at first.”

I let a glare be my answer. Inside, I was shaking again. Just when I thought I was starting to get a grip on all of this … now I was both a career ender for Dad and some sort of a ticking time bomb? No wonder I was such a disappointment to him.

“That’s why the Brat Twins call me a freak. Why did you even keep me?” I muttered then clamped my lips shut. I so had not meant to say that out loud.

She gripped my shoulders, forcing me to meet her gaze. “Savannah, from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, you have been nothing short of a miracle. Do you understand? A miracle. Not strange, not scary, not a freak and certainly not a threat to anyone. You’ve always been a sweet, precious miracle born out of love.”

A love that had lasted all of three years. “So if I was such a miracle, and you two were so in love you just had to break all the rules to be together … why’d you get divorced?”

She bit her lower lip, hesitating for a long time before sighing. “A lot of factors, I guess. Mostly, it was my fault. I was young, far too young to handle it all. And too young to really know what love was. I thought I was in love with your father. But now I know I was more in love with the idea of being with a vampire and breaking the rules. We were like Bonnie and Clyde, modern-day rebels running from our worlds’ laws, hiding out on the lam.” She grinned. “It was a lot of fun. Until we had a baby who needed safety and security. Then suddenly being on the run wasn’t so much fun anymore. When I realized I was responsible for your life and protecting you, it just didn’t make sense anymore to be with your father. The council and the Clann both agreed you and I could live with your grandmother as long as I ended my marriage. And while I still loved your father, I wasn’t in love with him anymore.

Loving your father was an adventure and a selfish fantasy, and it was great while it lasted. But having you made me realize I needed to wake up, grow up and think about others for a change.”

“Let me get this straight. You broke up with Dad for me?”

“Not just for you. For peace between the Clann and the vampires, too. Both groups have members all over the world. If your father and I had stayed together, worldwide war could have broken out again between them. A lot of people would have died, and that would have been my fault. And I didn’t love your father enough anymore for it to be worth that.”

“But why come back to Jacksonville? Why not raise me somewhere else? Someplace where there weren’t as many Clann around?”

She smiled and shrugged. “Because Jacksonville has always been my home. And besides, I needed your grandma’s help to raise you. Dhampir babies don’t exactly come with a handbook, you know.”

I managed a smile for her, but it faded fast. “Except, now I have to go to school with kids who seem to know what I am. And call me freak every day.”

Mom hugged me. “I know it’s hard, hon. But you’ve got to learn how to live your own life and don’t worry about what the Clann thinks, or what the vampire council thinks, or what anybody says about you. None of this changes who you are inside. That’s only up to you and what you choose. And even though this is all a shock, and maybe things in your life might start to change a little here and there, I promise you’re going to be okay. As long as you follow the rules, that is.”

Which was to stay away from the Clann. Yeah, I got it already. Except … “Mom, you and Nanna used to be in the Clann, too. What if I—”

“Don’t worry. Like you teens love to say … we’ve got skills.”

She gave a lopsided grin. “Or at least your Nanna does. All I ever learned how to do was throw stuff and make fire. And even that was only because your Nanna absolutely insisted on it for minimal protection.”

“Why didn’t you want to learn how to do magic?”

“Hon, you live in the post–Harry Potter world, where you teens think magic is awesome. I lived in the pre–Harry Potter times. I was witchy when witchy wasn’t cool.”

Huh. “What about the Clann kids at school? Dad said to avoid them, but how can I when I’ve got classes with them, have to pass them in the halls, eat with them in the cafeteria?”

“You should be okay at a distance. Like your father said, they’ve probably got charms on them to dull their attraction to any vampire. And even if you do start to feel the bloodlust at some point, if you keep your distance and pay attention to your body, you’ll know if it becomes a problem. If it does, you call me or Nanna or your father immediately and go to the nurse’s station till one of us gets there. Okay?”

I thought of how close Tristan sat behind me in algebra, and the pain in my chest and stomach that hit me every time he was near. Keeping my distance might be a problem. I’d just have to try to sort out my usual confused feelings around him from anything new that might come up. Like a sudden attraction to his neck.

“Why is the Clann even letting us stay here? Wouldn’t they want me as far away from them and their kids as possible?”

Her smile turned sad. “You know that saying ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’? I think it’s like that. They don’t want you to get too close or spend time alone with any of their descendants. But they also want to be able to keep an eye on you. Plus there’s the chance that one day you might decide to … help them out.”

“Help them out?”

“You know. Be on their side if there’s ever another war with the vampires.”

The Clann thought I would side with them against my own father? I snorted. They must be insane. After the way the Clann kids had treated me and my family for the past five years …

Well, not all of them had bullied me all the time. A memory flashed through my mind of emerald eyes staring back at me. Of strong, warm hands on my shoulders, stopping me from falling in algebra class, when he could have just let me do a face-plant onto my desk.