Instructions In The Cauldron

It was something difficult to admit for me, my part involved not believing in those things.

“It might be like that…maybe it’ s the old oak out there, next to the gate…”

My granny was smiling satisfied. Her big green eyes were shining and the light of the abat-jour made her red hair still brighter. She looked incredibly like Molly Weasley, Ron’s mum in “Harry Potter”.

“Why the oak?” I didn’t understand what the oak had to do with it.

“You should know that oak is Duir in Gaelic, which is where door comes from. And what’s a door? An opening between two worlds, a passage. The ancient oak can open a passage for you, towards something nice. I’m happy, Anne, that you’ve told me. You are two special kids and I have the duty of teaching and passing all my knowledge to you, as time passes by.”

She leaned and kissed me on my forehead.

“Will you teach us to make the best chocolate cake in England?”

“Not just that Sarah, not just that. Now you just have to enjoy your age. Childhood is a special time, you must play and stir your fancy. Good night my little girls, shall the Goddess bless you now and forever.”.

Granny always talked like that before we fell asleep, I’ve sometimes heard my mum saying it too. I knew other children told Mary or Jesus their prayers, Alison and her mother lit a candle before Buddah’s statuette, Aysha’s family celebrated Ramadan instead…

Granny kept saying: “The important thing is to feel at ease with a deity, we can call and fancy it just as we wish to.” She called it Goddess Mother, or sometimes Brigid or Ecate…I had sometimes heard her name also a Pan, which was in my mind Peter Pan.

III. Days, colours and the wheel of the year

Three years went by. We were finishing primary school and we were already eleven years old.

Sarah had discovered pink nail polish, I, instead, hid myself into large black hoodies whenever I could. I had insisted upon having a school uniform one size larger than mine.

In these years we have witnessed Alison’s mum’s illness close, she fought hard against breast cancer; it seems she managed at last.

Sarah was shocked when she saw her without hair for the first time, she cried all night long. Mum explained to her that some treatments were really strong, but absolutely necessary.

“That’s not fair, her hair were so beautiful!”, she said between sobs.

“I know, darling, but they will grow again, don’t worry”, she comforted her.

“We should pass our positive energy to her”, granny claimed when we told her what was happening. “Following the doctors’ instructions is right, but she needs something more.”

It was a cold Saturday afternoon at the end of October, the autumn colours in the garden were wonderful. The fireplace was lit and I could already breathe the typical Halloween atmosphere.

“I wish to explain something to you, girls”, our granny began while she was putting into the oven her traditional apple cake, “I’m going to talk to you about the power of colourful candles and of the days of the week. It’s really simple. We are going to lit some candles for Stella, she needs them.” That’s how Alison’s mother was called.

“She always keeps some stones next to herself…”, I added, thinking that was a fundamental detail in order to understand a person better.

“I’m going to explain  that as well, one thing at a time, Anne! You called them colourful stones some years ago and I promised I would talk about their powers; you know I always keep my promises! All in due time.”

“I still believe they are just colourful stones! And it looks absurd to me that some candles lit on certain days could help someone ill. Days are all alike!”, I burst out as usual.

“That’s not true…let’s say that most of the energy, if not all of it, is strictly connected to moon cycles: waxing Moon and waning Moon. During the waxing phase, we have a growth: our nails and hair grow faster, we have a tendency to put on weight or to swell, so we should work on a growth energy; on the contrary, the wining phase moves away. You know, Anne, in the past people lived in close touch with Nature, they respected it and learnt from it. Every time in a month or in a years has got a different energy, we should understand when we can take advantage of it. Colours send powerful spurs to our brain”, granny went on, “I’ve always told you that violet helps me  relax and concentrate. Colour therapy is a serious science…” Not all the things she said appeared clear to me, she sometimes spoke about things I couldn’t understand, but I would keep everything she taught me as a treasure, as time passed by.

“In this particular situation”, she went on, “I want to help Stella to increase her physical strength and to detoxify from the remedies she had to take, poor woman. So I’ll have to work both on a growth energy and on a moving away one; I’ll try hard during the whole twenty-eight-days moon cycle. Have you understood, girls?”

“I have, granny”, Sarah nodded. She liked listening to those things, they had always charmed her.

“Go on…”, from my personal view, I felt attracted and reluctant at the same time. The influence of the Moon on human life was undisputed.

“Why are you doing it, granny? You don’t even know her”, my sister said while she was making Kiki play with a small ball.

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t know that woman, Sarah, I know she’s feeling bad and I want to help her with the tools I have at my disposal.”

“But she hasn’t asked you for help.”

“Good remark, Anne! By the way, don’t you think it’s evident that she wants to live, since she underwent an operation and such invading treatments, like chemotherapy? What’s more, you told me she’s keeping some stones next to herself, so she believes in the same energy as I do. She doesn’t need to ask for my help, I know in the bottom of my heart that’s the right thing to do.” My granny’s argument wasn’t wrong. “Let’s go back to ourselves, girls, make yourselves comfortable and take some paper and a pen, if you like.”

She sat down on an armchair and Kiki climbed on her legs, purring.

“Oh granny, I’ve been looking forward to this moment for so long. Look what a nice notebook I’ve kept just for this occasion. I’m going to write everything you’ll teach us”, my sister got excited.

I couldn’t believe it, my sister had just taken out a pink and glittered notebook.

“Sarah, you’re ridiculous. How old are you, five?”

“Anne, stop making fun of her, I think it’s wonderful.”

“Yes, it’s wonderful for a girl on her first year at primary school!”

“I’m going to keep here my notes about magic”, Sarah exclaimed satisfied.

“We aren’t at the pink Witches’ congregation. You’re ridiculous…that’s enough, I’ll leave!”

I got up and I ran upstairs. They were both completely crazy: the one with her ideas about energy, stones and candles; the other who was playing the fairy. I could understand by now why my mum had left home when she was just twenty! I preferred staying alone and listening to music.

After a while, however, I was lurking on the stairs. I didn’t care about what they were saying, I just wanted to understand if granny would tell Sarah any important secret.

“I’m sorry for Anne, granny, she is always so nervous lately”, I heard her say.

“Don’t worry, my dear, it’s normal to feel like that at her age. I’ll make a good St. John’s Wort tea for her tonight and you’ll see she will calm down; your mother was just like her when she was eleven…she’s still like that in fact.”

Our grandmother never got upset, my sister had certainly taken after her.

“Granny…”

“Yes?”

“Can you tell about the candles just to me, or Anne needs to be here too?”

“Oh, of course my dear! If she doesn’t care at the moment, I can’t see a reason to prevent you from learning. Well, well…where am I going to star from?”

“From Monday?”

“That’s right, from Monday: the day of the Moon, associated with white; it’s the time to tidy the house, the garden and to make our intuition grow.” She was talking slowly, to give Sarah time to write.

“Then we have Tuesday: Mars’s day, the colour is red, it’s perfect to solve tangled situations and to overcome clashes. Wednesday: it’s Mercury’s day, associated with yellow; on this day you can work on communication, on writing, on reading, to get a deeper inspiration and better possibilities of success, it’s the perfect day to instil enthusiasm. Ah, Thursday, my favourite! It’s linked to Jupiter, the colours are green and light blue, it’s devoted to finances, fortune, plenty and wealth. Friday is Venus’s day, the colours are pink and green; on Friday you can try to improve the sentimental sphere, love, friendship, but also beauty and body care. Try to have a manicure on this day, and you’ll see how nice, healthy and strong your nails will get. Saturday: Saturn’s day, the colour is black,  excellent to move away and exorcize negative forces or to increase our wisdom. And finally Sunday: the day of the Sun, the colour is orange, it’s the day of the family, of BBQs with friends, lightness and will get stronger. After that, according to the colours I have listed, we can light a colourful candle on corresponding days. If we don’t have colourful candles, we can use the white ones, they’re always good for that! Candles are the symbols of thought, idea, desire and hope. The four elements are contained into them: the Earth is the wax; the Water is the melted wax; the Fire is the flame and the Air is the smoke. I’ve recently discovered floating candles: you put some water into a bowl, with some grains of kitchen salt to represent the Earth element, you put a candle on it and you light it. They are very beautiful and safe. It’s always a good rule to oil the candle before you light it; you can use an essential oil from our production to do that, I’ll show you how to make them, it’s not difficult. Of course, you need to concentrate when you oil and light it, to instil our will to the candle. Now tell me: on which days can we help Sheila and which candles shall we use in your opinion?”

“To give her strength, a waxing Moon Tuesday, because you said that during this phase energy gets stronger, the colour of the candle will be red. To move away bad cells and the remains of remedies, a waning Moon Saturday instead, the colour will be black.”

“Excellent Sarah, really excellent!”, our granny clapped her hands satisfied.

“I’ll add two very important colours: magenta and purple red. The first one works on our psyche fast, because it has the ability of awakening the magical power of our mind. The second one instead, is the symbol of Wisdom and it is used to move bad luck away. It’s enough for today, Sarah, let’s go and find your sister now.”

I sprang up and went back into my bedroom without being noticed.

“Ok. Granny, do you really think we’ll be able to help Stella?”

“You see my child, I could never replace traditional medicine; treatments are important, but doctors and science have left behind some other sides in time. There’s always a reason behind an illness. The power of positive thoughts helps us to feel better; some people go to church, they say the rosary, they go on pilgrimage or something like that, they firmly believe in what they are doing. You can’t realize the power of our mind at all and the consequences of our words. You’ll see, your friend’s mum will get better, you mustn’t stop believing it.”

“Thanks granny. Let’s go to Anne now, if I know her well, she must be starving.

Old Mal came to the cottage the next morning.

“Here you are, the best pumpkins in all Marlow, directly from Sainsbury’s. Our girls are too grown up to play “treat or trick” along the road, but carving pumpkins is compulsory at all ages. We have to keep away the bad souls going around on that night…and don’t forget to leave some gifts for them! Talking about gifts, I almost forgot, I’ve got just two strawberry candies for you.”

He was always cheerful, he conveyed happiness just being close to him.

“Thanks Mal, you’re always spoiling us.”

“You are my favourite girls, it’s normal I want to spoil you. Susan, I don’t have any candies for you, but an invitation. You are going to be my “plus one” at Christmas dinner, to christen the new town gym.”

“Oh, Mal…I’m left wordless! Thanks, I haven’t gone out for dinner for ages. I don’t even know if I have suitable clothes”, our granny admitted pretending to be shy.

“Mum will lend you something!”, I suggested.

Our granny out for dinner with Mal, that was really something new!

“Yes, Rebecca will lend you something. You are going to be very beautiful as usual. And then, the rebuilding of the gym was made thanks to you too, with all the violet potholders you sold at the last May Fayre. It took three years to raise the money we needed, but we managed at last, and what event could be better than Christmas to inaugurate it? The dinner will be on 21st December, isn’t that great?”

“For Yule, that’s wonderful! I hope there will be also a nice decorated log.”

My grandmother had taught us since we were very young the importance of seasons, equinoxes, solstices and of certain days such as Halloween or May Day.

Halloween was for her Samhain, the Celtic New Year’s Eve; it stood for the end of the period of light and the entrance into the darkness of winter. Nature seems to die, it withdraws into itself, animals go into hibernation and also men withdraw into the warmth of their houses. It’s a magic moment, when the curtain between the world of the living and the one of the dead gets thinner; for that reason it’s a good habit to honour our dear dead, leaving gifts for them and lighting candles to help them find the light.

Our granny also explained to us that the pumpkins left outside are used to scare the damned souls who can’t find their peace and want to annoy the living.

Wearing fancy dresses and going around asking for some sweets is just a parody of these dead souls, who ask for gifts and threaten to play bad tricks. I remember that, every time we emptied a pumpkin, she kept three seeds and put them into her purse.

“So money will never miss”, she said.

Mal and granny called Christmas Yule and they celebrated it on 21st December, the day of the winter solstice, the period when days are really short and the cold is biting. She told us that solstice meant literally “ Still- Sun”.

“Do you remember, girls, when you get on the panoramic wheel and it stops at the highest point, and then at the lowest? Well, the Sun does the same thing. In winter the Sun is in the lower part of the wheel, it’s more hidden, but it’s there. During the solstice it stops for a while and then it starts to rise again. Christmas stands for the rebirth of the Child Sun, exactly like Jesus who was born in the darkness of a cave.”

From that moment, days get longer again slowly; every year the same magic takes place with exactness. We decorated the house together with our granny with evergreens, which represented life going on, we lit candles, we put some mistletoe here and there, and it was compulsory to kiss each other under it.

The wooden log taken from our oak couldn’t be missing in our fireplace, it was kept lighted during the whole period of the Christmas holidays, then granny gathered the ashes and spread them around the house, keeping telling: “May negative powers keep away from here!”

I couldn’t understand very well what she meant by negative powers, I thought she was referring to unpleasant people.

When February started, the snow fell heavily and the wind blew freezing from the north, Mal punctually arrived at the cottage, with a new broom.

“A present for the wisest woman in the whole county”, he claimed smiling and granny thanked him with a strange word. “Happy Imbolc to you!”

Granny told us that Nature was slowly waking up in that period, so we had to clean and purify the house. It was quite impossible for me to think already about spring, but I always started to notice some changes after a heavy snowfall or a winter illness: days were beginning to get clearly longer and some shy snowdrop was peeping out in the fields.

“Children, you must always remember that it’s sometimes good to have fever, fire burns and purify. Shall Goddess Brigid protect and bless you.”

We knew how much our granny was devoted to Brigid, she often tried to justify herself by laughing and saying: “Maybe that’s because she has got red hair like mine!”

Everyone took her for an Irish woman. I think she had never been to Ireland; but to make up for it she always went to the Irish pub with Mal on St. Patrick’s day. She didn’t like particularly Saint Patrick, I was sure about that, she used to say that every year, but she could never refuse a beer in good company.

Soon after, Ostara finally arrived, on 21st March, the spring equinox: it was a period of perfect balance, with the same hours of light and of darkness. Nature had awakened at last! We used to spend those days painting eggs, which were a symbol of rebirth, and we got the garden ready going to the plant nursery.

Our new family tradition was taking with us our neighbour, who had shown signs of great improvements in the care of her plants in the previous three years.

“That’s surely thanks to the gardener she has hired”, our granny had claimed naughtily.

May was my favourite month: there was our birthday, Marlow’s fair and Nature was at its best, with all those flowers blossoming, a delicious smell of jasmine in the air and the Sun  warming us at last. Celebrations started with May Day, the first day of the month, which was also called Beltane. For that celebration granny used to give us some delicious flower wreaths she made herself and we hang coloured ribbons to our oak.

The 1st May was the only day when we could pick flowers from the hawthorn and we later left some presents for the fairies, like little crumbs or a bit of milk, because people said that those tiny beings were the guardians of the tree and so it was right to thank them somehow.

Granny asked Mal to add a big bonfire to the village fair, just like people used to do in the past at Beltane.

“That’s quite dangerous, Susan, but we’ll see what we can do…”

As foreseen, authorities never let them light a bonfire, but they replaced it with wonderful fireworks and with a tall pole around which people could dance braiding ribbons; they told us that was a very old tradition as well.

“It’s not exactly the same”, granny had said, “but it’ll be alright too. What’s more, children love that!”

Towards the end of school, when we were tired at last and it was hot in England too, it was Litha’s time, the summer solstice, the longest day of the year! The Sun never set.

“You see, the Sun is high on the panoramic wheel, but it’s going to start its descend slowly by now. Isn’t that incredible, girls? That’s all so perfect.”

We put granny’s stones outside at night and we spread a cloth on the grass; we took it back the next morning, before the Sun rose completely, soaking with dew.

“That’s my beauty secret!”, granny told us laughing and putting some drops on her face. “The summer solstice dew. You can’t imagine what is this night’s power!”

It was simply dew for me, but I must admit that I was particularly happy in those days when summer began and that was a real magic for someone grumpy like me.

As soon as we finished school, at the end of July, we left for Palma de Maiorca. The Baleares’ heat and sun was really something strange for us. We spent whole days into at the swimming pool during that period.

“Rebecca, bring the girls to the seaside on 31st July at least, it’s Lughnasadh! I’m not asking you to make bread with them at dawn as I do, but let them stay in the sun as long as possible at least. That’s good. With a cap and sun cream, of course. Remember that, I’ll warn you! I can’t understand why you’re always at the swimming pool, isn’t the sea beautiful there?”

“Oh, yes mum, the sea is wonderful, but the swimming pool  is more comfortable. With no sand, a café nearby and sun beds to relax…”, our mum answered in a persuading voice.

“I don’t understand…what’s the use of spending the days on the edge of a swimming pool?”

“We go there to have rest, mum, we really need that!”, she put an end to the conversation that way.

And then autumn came, Nature changed its colours, the garden at the cottage lost its leaves day by day, days get shorter and cold came back. Mabon, that’s how granny called the autumn equinox. She decorated the table with ivy and she put into some pots the herbs she had been drying in the hot months.

“What do you need all these herbs for, granny?”, Sarah asked her once, passing her hand through the well tied lavender, hanging by its long stalks.

“I can do lots of things with them: my oils, my tinctures, good luck little bags, and I keep them for my herbal teas. You shouldn’t throw away anything, remember that!”

“How is that possible? You taught us that, before spring comes, it’s important to clean the house: to throw away what is useless for us and give our old clothes to the poor!”, I underlined obstinately.

“That’s right, Anne. We mustn’t accumulate, otherwise our house will not breathe and energy gets too heavy that way. Throwing  away the unnecessary, that’s right, it’s foolish to keep too many things. I’m telling you not to waste: if I picked up  so   many lavender flowers, for instance, never too many or more than necessary, I’ll use them all, I’m not going to throw anything away.”

“When are you going to teach us to make oils and tinctures, granny?”

“Give things time, Sarah…”

“Why can’t mum do anything you do? Why didn’t you pass on your knowledge to her?”, I asked her.

“You see, your mother is a woman who can be called hasty; she wants everything and at once. She was born in fifteen minutes, she got married and she was pregnant with you when she was twenty! Whenever she needs an essential oil, she goes to Holland & Barrett and she buys it, if she needs basil she goes to Tesco and gets it. She can’t wait for the plant to grow, to pick it up, dry it and then wait as long as it is needed to macerate and give an herbal oil. I’m her mother, I know my Rebecca! I would have wasted my time showing all these things to her. But I really think she can do that all, since she saw me do it.”

I wasn’t as sure as her about that.

I wished I could know what she thought about me, if she really believed I would be able to work with herbs and stones. Maybe in the bottom of her heart she had already understood she could hand on  her knowledge just to Sarah. I preferred on my part to avoid certain subjects, fearing I wouldn’t match up, I preferred hiding myself and not believing in those things.

IV. Christmas with Major Arcana

It was a cold Wednesday at the end of November,  we were going to the volley club after school, as usual. We didn’t expect to meet our parents when we went out.

“What are you doing here?”, we asked them at the same time.

“Has anything happened?”

“No volleyball tonight girls, we are going home, dad and I have to talk to you.”

That was something absolutely new. It could just mean something bad, but they looked relaxed and smiling instead.

“Are our grandparents well?”

“Of course, Sarah. Who’s better than them?!”, our dad stated. “All day long in the sun and on the edge of the swimming pool.

There are still twenty degrees down there in November, can you fancy that? That’s wonderful.”

“And what about granny?”, I asked agitated.

“She is ok as well, my dear, don’t worry. Nothing serious has happened.”

“So why did you come and see us to talk?”