The Cahills of North Carolina

She spoke calmly. “Look, Noah, I know this is difficult for you...”

“Do you? Have you ever given up a child of yours to a complete stranger?”

His question sent a pang of guilt deep into her stomach, the same pain she’d experienced for almost six years now. But she could not tell Noah that. She’d never told anyone, not even her family, about Charlie.

She swallowed, took a calming breath. “I don’t want you to think of me as a stranger,” she said, avoiding a direct answer to his question. “I care about the children in this home. They are more than a job to me. They are everything. I want each one of them to feel safe and encouraged to succeed.”

“I’ll bet they do with that brother cop around to back you up. Don’t think I didn’t see the looks passing between the two of you. I suppose next, a small army of security will enter the discussion.”

“First of all, my brother does not come around to ‘back me up’ as you put it. He has a job, which he’s doing this morning, and it keeps him busy. Secondly, we don’t have an army of security.”

“So you, a single lady, basically run this place by yourself?”

“As the administrator, yes. Why? Do you believe that a woman isn’t capable of running a home this size? I’ll have you know...”

He put his hands up defensively. “Okay, okay. I apologize. No insult intended.”

Mollified, she gave him a brief explanation about how the Sawtooth Children’s Home operated. At least she was once again on firm emotional ground. Talking about the school was easy and comfortable. “We have a full-time medical person on campus. We have a cook, three on-site counselors, a gymnasium, school building with fifteen classrooms, each with a qualified teacher.” She waited until those facts had settled in before adding, “Each child lives in a cottage with nine other kids, and each cottage has a set of parents in charge. So you see, I don’t run this home all by myself.”

“I get it,” he said. “This is a tight ship. But my daughter is not in need of cottage parents. She already has one parent who just happens to be having a little trouble.”

A little trouble? Ava tried logic. “We have room for Sawyer right now,” she said. “You will have complete access to her. You can visit her whenever you like. If she agrees, after some time she can even go home with you for a weekend, once we’ve done a visitation.”

Noah responded with a sarcastic chuckle. “Oh? I can see my own daughter on weekends...maybe? How kind of you. This is not happening, Miss Administrator. Not now. Not ever.”

A rustling nearby drew their attention to the back door. Sawyer stood in the frame, looking out. Carter was behind her. “Everything okay out here?” he asked.

“Are you almost done talking about me as if I didn’t exist?” Sawyer said.

Ava smiled. “What would you like to say, Sawyer?”

She looked down, locking her gaze on the grass. When she lifted her face, she stared at Noah. “I’m old enough to have a say in my own life.”

“Okay,” he said. “Go ahead. Have your say.”

“I don’t want to go home with you, Dad. You’re never home, and I hate Mrs. Filmore. She’s more like a warden than a housekeeper. And don’t think you can just hire another one and I’ll be happy.” Sawyer looked over the expansive green lawn that led to the cottages. “This place is probably really lame, but it would be better than home. I’m going to stay here, for a while at least.”

Ava couldn’t bear to see the sense of futility in Noah’s eyes. She’d seen it too many times in the looks of parents who’d failed their children in so many ways. She gave him a gentle smile that for some odd reason felt strangely natural and spoke to Sawyer.

“We need to get some things straight,” she said. “This place, as you call it, isn’t a resort, Sawyer. It’s a home for children and teens with special problems. We have rules that must be followed and consequences if they are broken. You will be living with nine other housemates of all ages. Your room will be shared with another resident. You will see a counselor once a week, or more often if we think it’s needed. Your cottage parents will know where you go and whom you see. If they deny permission, that’s it then.”

Ava realized she was painting a rather rigid picture of life at Sawtooth Children’s Home, but she firmly believed that Sawyer should understand that her life would be regimented, and she would have to meet expectations. Maybe the reality of life here was getting through to both father and daughter. At least they were both listening.

Ava could easily believe that Noah Walsh loved his daughter, but their relationship was toxic, and she knew time apart would help them. “Carter,” she said to her brother, “you go on. We’ll be fine here. I’m just going to take Sawyer and Noah on a tour of the campus. Tell Mama I won’t be there for dinner tonight.”

Carter tucked his hat back onto his forehead. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

He walked through the building, closed the front door. Ava waited until the charged atmosphere cooled down. “Okay, then, shall we take the tour?”

“Why not?” Noah said. “But don’t think for a minute that I’m going to simply wave goodbye to my daughter and tell her, ‘Take care of yourself, kid.’”

His simple words, “take care of yourself,” brought back fresh memories of that painful night when he’d said them to her. A glitzy downtown Charlotte bar followed by a night of... She’d never forgotten. That low voice, that sense of desperation in his tone. Those words of regret spoken in the middle of the night. “Take care of yourself.” He’d whispered those words in her ear just before the same voice had said, “I’m sorry. You deserve better than a guy like me. I should have told you. I’m married, for now at least. Maybe once I get things straightened out...”

“Just go,” she’d said, letting anger and shame rule her reaction. Regret washed over her as she pulled the bedsheets close around her chest. She’d turned her head, let the tears slip onto her pillow. “Just go, Noah. Go.”

It hurt to look at him now. The memory had haunted her too long. She couldn’t stare into his piercing eyes and see the man who’d caused her to be someone she’d never been before on a night that turned out to be the beginning of the most soul-searching journey of her life.

But time had changed them both, and today the issue was about Sawyer. Noah’s attention was fixed firmly on his daughter, as it should be. So much so that other than a few tense silences, he hadn’t shown any sign of knowing who Ava was, or who she’d been.

CHAPTER THREE

SOMETHING ABOUT AVA was strangely familiar. Noah felt as if he’d known her before, but that wasn’t likely. She wasn’t the sort of woman he was drawn to, though lately his “sort of woman” was becoming a mystery.

When dating, he tended toward women who had a laid-back personality, were quick to laugh and appreciated his sense of humor. Since his divorce, Noah had dated several women. Coincidentally, three of them had been named Ava. This attractive, but opinionated woman seemed to judge him with a glance and a word. No way would he have dated a woman who sweated the small stuff.

In one moment Ava had gone from being in control, calm, even kind—a woman who searched for solutions to difficult problems. Now she almost seemed like someone who was hiding something. First, she was looking him directly in the eye and then she was looking anywhere that didn’t include him in her line of sight. Had she changed her mind about keeping Sawyer? That would be okay with him. He would take his daughter home, if he could get her to go.

He’d been so relieved when the Chapel Hill cop called with information on Sawyer. So, on practically no sleep, he’d left his house figuring he’d race to this little town of Holly River, pick up his daughter and give this parenting gig another try. He’d told Mrs. Filmore to plan on both of them being home for dinner.

He knew Sawyer didn’t care for the housekeeper, but she’d never liked any of the women he’d hired, four in the last year to be exact. They’d all come highly recommended. Strict? Conscientious? Sure. That’s what he’d wanted in a competent housekeeper, one who wouldn’t let his clever daughter make the rules, and then bend them when they didn’t suit her. He’d wanted a kindly grandmother type who could relate to Sawyer on a personal level but be able to wield a strong sword when Sawyer’s lack of discipline called for it.

Now he was on the verge of firing this latest woman who, Sawyer claimed, as always, was more wielder than relater. Maybe he’d keep Mrs. Filmore on until Sawyer decided life at the Sawtooth Children’s Home wasn’t any more to her liking than life in Chapel Hill. In fact, she might decide it was far worse. This change of heart might happen in less than a week.

True, Sawyer didn’t care for the housekeepers, and she’d probably be happier if the only person she had to answer to was her dad, but she’d never complained about the many material things her absentee father’s job provided. She couldn’t have the lifestyle she’d grown used to if she had a parent who was home all the time sitting behind a desk, but couldn’t make enough money to keep paying off a fancy home in an exclusive suburb and credit card debt. Sawyer needed to learn the meaning of trade-offs. He sure as heck had, and it was time his daughter mastered one of life’s toughest lessons.

And besides, he’d seen enough of Ava Cahill to know that she wasn’t going to be a pushover. Until he’d actually looked at her and found her reluctant to look back, he’d decided Ava was strong, authoritative and the most powerful figure at the home. Her word was apparently law, and Sawyer might decide in a few days that she couldn’t cope with the regimented lifestyle of Ava’s rules.

As the threesome prepared for the tour, Ava seemed to have returned to her role as by-the-book administrator. She hadn’t looked at Noah since they went out the front door of the administration building. The only view he had of Ava was her rigid back as she walked in front of him and her dark hair pulled tightly into a bun. He could almost believe she’d forgotten he was there.

Ava and Sawyer walked together and Noah followed. Ava kept up a steady stream of conversation with his daughter, pointing, waiting for a reaction from Sawyer that was probably never going to satisfy her. Maybe Ava loved this place, but Noah knew his daughter. She was probably already planning her next escape.

“Let’s take the golf cart,” Ava said, approaching the vehicle left by the front entrance. “It’s probably warmed up enough that we’ll be comfortable. Besides, the campus is rather large, and we need to cover quite a bit of ground.” Logical Ava, back to analyzing, deciding, but without the sensitivity of the person he’d met when he first arrived. The woman who claimed a personal and heartfelt relationship with all the children under her care. Where had this Ava gone? Had she ever really existed?

Sawyer quickly climbed in the front seat next to Ava, probably to avoid sitting with her father. Noah took the rear seat and angled his body so he wouldn’t miss any of Ava and Sawyer’s conversation. He was still the father, and he wasn’t about to give up any of his parental rights without knowing what Sawyer was getting into.

“So what’s the story of all you Cahills?” Noah said as a way of breaking the ice and asserting his presence. “How many are you? Do you more or less run this town?”

Ava drove the cart around the side of the building. She still hadn’t looked at him. Her attention was on her driving as if the windshield had asked the question. Good grief, it was just a golf cart. What’s the worst that could happen if she made a driving error? They’d have to circle a sand trap?

“I don’t see what my family has to do with your leaving Sawyer in my care, but okay,” she said. “I can satisfy your curiosity.”

“I appreciate that,” he said.

“You met my brother Carter, who is chief of police. His wife is Miranda. As Carter told you, she’s a social worker. My other brother, Jace, runs the family Christmas tree farm. His soon-to-be wife is Kayla. Then there’s Emily, Miranda’s daughter, Nathan, Jace’s son, and my mother, who lives just outside of town. Of course, we need to add in numerous uncles, aunts and cousins.” She headed toward a field where people had gathered. “Satisfied?”

“What do you think of that, Sawyer?” he asked his daughter. “In our family it’s just you and me. Do you wish there were more of us?”

Noah waited for the answer. After an uncomfortable few seconds, Sawyer just said, “No. One dictator is enough.”

Ava stopped at a grassy area. Tables were set up and folks were helping themselves to food and drinks. Many of the younger ones wore Sawtooth Home sweatshirts on which was proudly displayed a large, sturdy oak tree, obviously the origin of the name.

“What’s going on here?” Noah asked.

“This is our typical Sunday gathering,” Ava said. “The kids and the cottage parents get out of cooking and doing dishes as long as the weather is nice, and we have a picnic on the grounds.” She parked the golf cart out of the way of the festivities. “Have a walk around if you like. Grab a hot dog. I’ll just be a minute.”

With no further explanation, Ava walked toward a dark-haired young boy. The child, probably no more than five years old, trotted over to her. Noah wasn’t an expert on kids, and he couldn’t get a good look at the kid’s face, but he decided the boy looked well dressed and well cared for if not especially happy to be eating hot dogs on a crisp Sunday afternoon.

Ava knelt down in front of him, held his hand and talked to him awhile. After a short time, she stood and spoke in a loud voice. “Run off and have a good time, Charlie. It’s a beautiful day for doing anything you want.” The child didn’t run. He ambled away, and he didn’t look like he was going to have any sort of a good time.

Ava dusted off her black pants and readjusted the red sweater set she was wearing. She watched the boy for some time until Noah came up beside her. “So he’s one of the residents I guess,” Noah said.

Startled, almost as if she’d forgotten her purpose with these newcomers, Ava whirled to face him. “I thought you were getting a hot dog.”

“Actually you told us to get hot dogs, but I don’t live here and decided I didn’t have to follow your order. I don’t know what Sawyer is doing.”

A wave of her hair escaped her bun and caught on some lipstick. She quickly tucked the errant strand behind her ear. For some reason Noah was fixated on the gesture. Ava Cahill had nice lips, he thought, though he couldn’t understand why he would spend so long looking at them or imagining what a lucky man might do with those lips.

She cleared her throat, pulled the lapels of her sweater more closely over her breasts and crossed her arms, which brought her back to administrator mode. “Yes. He’s a relatively new arrival. His parents died in a plane accident.”

“Wow. Tough,” Noah said.

“Yes, it is. I try to give him special attention when I can.” She started walking toward the tables where Sawyer had obviously decided that an overcooked hot dog was better than no lunch at all. Noah walked beside her.

“So this kid is actually an orphan?” Noah said.

Ava swallowed, looked straight ahead. “I told you we have children here from all walks of life and many different situations. Little Charlie is just one example of a resident who has no home to go back to.”

“I can see why you get wrapped up in their lives,” Noah said. “Every story is its own personal tragedy.”

She stared up at him with striking blue eyes that he somehow knew would be just as beautiful in the near darkness. In daylight they matched the sky on this beautiful fall afternoon. “You have no idea, but today we need to concentrate on Sawyer’s story.”

Slightly miffed, Noah said, “My daughter’s story is hardly a tragedy. We’re just having some temporary problems.”

“Perhaps,” she said vaguely. “Suit yourself about the hot dog, but I think I’ll have one before we continue the tour.”

She walked away from him, stopping often to speak to various people. Nearly every day Noah looked down upon the earth from two to five hundred feet in the air, perched on a narrow tower of steel and cables. He knew what it was like to feel dizzy, but never before had he experienced the kind of dizzy that Ava Cahill displayed.

She seemed to be everywhere, talking to kids, adults, staff members. She responded to folks calling her Miss Cahill, Ava, and from the younger ones, Miss Ava. She gave everyone time, a smile, a word. Her energy was impressive. He found himself wishing that some of it were directed at him. She didn’t seem nearly as concerned with convincing him of the benefits of living at Sawtooth as she was convincing Sawyer. Despite what Ava might believe, Noah knew his daughter, and they would both be a hard sell. After lunch, Noah, Sawyer and Ava climbed back into the golf cart and continued the tour. They saw a school building, an auditorium, a gymnasium and a science lab. Sawyer seemed observant enough, even interested, though she asked no questions. Noah, on the other hand, asked plenty. No way was he going to leave his daughter in a strange place until he knew everything that made this home tick. And even then, he wasn’t sure what decision he would make.

Ava answered each question in a crisp, concise, knowledgeable manner. Her voice was steady. She didn’t waste words.

They ended the tour at one of the cottages. This one was painted a soft gray with white trim. Walking inside, they found a lounge area with two television sets, comfortable seating, a game table and toddler toys tucked away in colorful crates. A few of the seats were occupied since hot dog time had ended.

“Let me show you what will be your room if you decide to stay, Sawyer,” Ava said, directing them to a stairway off the lounge.

Noah noticed that the doors leading to bedrooms were open. This fact alone should make Sawyer rethink her decision. At the house in Chapel Hill, one would have thought his daughter’s room was a field office for the CIA, as she not only kept her door closed, but locked as well. He’d assumed all teenage girls wanted their privacy, and he respected Sawyer’s, only gaining entry to her area when invited. Had that been a mistake on his part? Should he have been more of a snoop?

They entered a room with two twin beds, two dressers, two desks, two closets. Standard dorm room equipped. Both beds were made, but one bed had girlie pillows and a few stuffed animals on it. The other bed was obviously waiting for an occupant.

“You met Becky at lunch, didn’t you?” Ava asked Sawyer. Sawyer indicated she had. “If we all decide that you are going to stay here, you’ll be sharing this room with her.”

“How do you feel about that?” Noah asked his daughter. Not only had she never shared a room, he couldn’t recall when she’d ever had to share anything.

Sawyer managed to shrug one shoulder with indifference.

“How soon is all this going to take place?” Noah asked Ava, a tingle of panic snaking down his spine. He finally had to accept that this change of address might really be going to happen, and he would be faced with returning to Chapel Hill without her.

“We should get Sawyer settled in right away,” she said. “You can send her clothes and personal items from Chapel Hill. In the meantime, we can provide the bare essentials. Our kids wear jeans and Sawtooth School T-shirts to class, and we have plenty of those.”

A uniform? Noah watched Sawyer’s face for any signs of rebellion. If there was one thing he knew about his daughter, it was that she was not a uniform kind of kid. She hated regimentation of any type. Once again Sawyer’s face was unreadable. Did she think she was trading one Mrs. Filmore for another equally restrictive one? Was she planning to escape out the open window over the dressers and shimmy down a gutter? She had to recall that Ava said all the windows were protected by a security system.

“So, what do you think, Sawyer?” Ava asked. “Would you like to give Sawtooth Home a try?”

“Sure. I guess.”

Not a ringing endorsement, Noah thought. She had to be planning something.

“Let’s all go back to the administration building and start on the paperwork. I’ve arranged for one of our counselors to meet with you this afternoon, Sawyer. You’ll like Mrs. Marcos. While you’re talking with her, your father and I will fill out the necessary forms for a voluntary resident.”

Noah couldn’t hold his tongue. “That’s what you think she is, a voluntary resident?”

At last he knew what a sharp look from Ava was like. “Of course. All our residents are here because this home is preferable in one way or another to their previous environments. No one is forcing your daughter to stay here, Noah,” Ava said. “I believe she is willing to give this a try.”

Noah stared at his daughter’s face once again. She gave him an innocent smile—one he’d seen many times in the past. And one he didn’t believe for an instant. He figured she’d hop on the back of his motorcycle the minute he turned the key. “Sure,” he said, deciding to call her bluff. “Let’s go fill out those papers.”

When they returned to the administration building, Sawyer went to her appointment, and Ava led Noah into her office. “Have a seat, Noah,” she said. “This will take some time. We need to go over Sawyer’s medical history, her previous grades, her food preferences and allergies, anything you can think of to help us make the transition easier for her.”

He’d thought the Ava he preferred, the kind, all-children-are-important Ava might return when it came time to do paperwork. But no. This woman was disciplined, almost cold. She still didn’t seem able to look him in the eye. That bothered him more than a little. Was she hiding something about herself or this “perfect” school she claimed to run?

“Remember, right now this is only temporary, until we can evaluate Sawyer’s needs and the problems in the family. When we feel that Sawyer can return to a healthy home environment, we will discuss letting her go with you.”

“Gee, that would be terrific,” Noah said sarcastically. “How much is this going to cost me?”

“We’re funded by the state and private donations,” Ava said. “Certainly we appreciate every donation we get, large or small.”

“Message received,” he said. “Okay, then, ask whatever you need to. I’d like to get this finished and maybe have a nap this afternoon.”

Those beautiful and somehow unforgettable blue eyes shot him a perplexed look. “A nap? Aren’t you returning to Chapel Hill?”

“I’ve decided to get a room in town for a few days.”

“We really don’t advise...”

“I know what you’re going to say, but I think it would be wise for me to stick around awhile.”

“Why do you think that?”

“No offense, Ava, but my guess is that Sawyer won’t be here in the morning, and I’d just as soon be closer to the action when I have to go pick her up again.”

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