His Princess in the Making

Taken aback by the unaccustomed ferocity in him, she stared. This wasn’t the Toby she knew, her dearest friend and confidante for so many years. “What did you want me to do, turn my back on my brother when he needs me, refuse to help a country torn by war? Should I go home and leave Charlie to rebuild the nation and face the threat of Orakis alone?”

“Let’s not forget the tiara, the title and the fifty-odd-million euros with your name on them, Your Royal Highness.” The words were hard, bitter.

“Yes, the fifty million was the clincher,” she shot at him, her voice shaking. “Money’s all I’ve ever cared about. That’s why ten million’s already spoken for—I’ve got a lot of designer dresses and shoes to buy. I’ve always wanted to be rich and famous—the way I’ve chased fame shows that, doesn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know, Your Highness. Maybe this is your replacement for the Australian Ballet. Maybe wearing a tiara and fifty-thousand-dollar dresses, marrying a rich and handsome Grand Duke and having your face on all the glossies and postage stamps is all the compensation and revenge any woman could ever need. They’ll wish they’d accepted you now, won’t they?”

“If you don’t know the answer to that, you never knew me at all.” She got to her feet, her heart hurting more than her head at this point. “I’m leaving before we say things we’ll both regret.”

He muttered something beneath his breath. Then he blew out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not exactly stating my case to my best advantage—I know that—but all this has knocked me sideways, Giulia. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Join the club.” She started to shake her head, but it hurt too much. “I wake up every morning and think I’m going to be in my bedroom at home in Ryde. This can’t be my life. Then I open my eyes and I’m still here.”

He was silent for a moment or two. It stretched out. Then he said quietly, “Do you want to be home in Ryde?”

She stared at him. “How could you know me for so many years and not know?” She sighed and rubbed at the top of her head and over her temples.

“I should have known you’d have one of your headaches after everything you’ve been through today.” He switched off the lamp at the table, and pushed the second chair to face his. “Come and sit. Put your feet up.”

By force of long habit, and because the pain was making her dizzy, she sat on the chair, kicked off her shoes and put her feet in his lap. When he used his thumbs on her pressure points, she blew out a sigh. “Better than the best medication available.”

He didn’t laugh at the old joke, but kept up the pain-relief technique he’d given her for years. When her body slumped, indicating the pain was subsiding, he said, “You need to talk, Giulia. You only get headaches when you feel overburdened.”

“You think?” But she was too relieved at the dissipation of pain for the sarcasm to hold weight. “I wonder why? This morning, before you arrived, the royal doctor confirmed that Theo Angelis will never resume his official duties. So, after a few weeks of knowing who he is, Charlie’s going to be the next King of Hellenia. He’s not ready for it; he still doesn’t want it. Thanks to Orakis making trouble with the people and the press, he’s also officially engaged to Jazmine, but…”

“But our beloved brother blew it with his new fiancée within minutes.” His thumbs lessened the pressure, began moving in softer circles. “He was overwhelmed by the questions thrown at him during the press conference, confused by all the sudden changes to his life, and he hurt Jazmine.”

“And all I did was hide.” She sighed. “I should have been there for him, for both of them. Theo Angelis asked me to step up, to do what I’ve been trained for, but when it all got too hard Charlie was the one who got it right.”

“Don’t blame yourself. Charlie’s been trained to react in emergency. It was as much his firefighter’s instincts that helped him today as the lessons in royal protocol.”

“My job should have helped me handle the spotlight too.”

Toby smiled. “I have no doubt you’ll handle it soon enough. You can dance in a spotlight as Giselle or a swan princess—you’ve arranged concerts with fifty squabbling children—but facing a hundred yelling strangers as yourself was a shock to you. For Charlie and me, it’s a different matter. We’re ourselves when we wade into the fray.” As his thumbs created miracles on her feet, his fingers caressed the sensitive skin beneath her ankles.

She wanted to answer him, but couldn’t. Oh, what he was doing to her? “Hmm,” she murmured, in pure, sweet relief.

Don’t think about it. Wanting him goes nowhere but back to the years of hopeless love—no, lust—for my best friend…

But if I married him, as he said he wants, he’d be my husband; lust is acceptable. He’d make love to me…

Oh, the poor, pathetic fool: a kiss that lasted only moments and she was already back in over her head, wanting what she couldn’t have, for far greater and deeper reasons than the one inescapable fact that he didn’t truly want her.

“Do you think he knows he’s crazy about her yet?”

His voice broke in on her thoughts, tumbling around in her head like day-old clothes in the dryer needing washing again to clear the old, stale smell of hopelessly lusting after the only man she’d ever truly wanted. She risked a soft laugh, and her head only hurt a little. “Not at all—he’s in Costa denial. He’ll hang onto it as long as he can. He still wants to go home, but we all know he won’t.”

“He’ll work it out sooner or later.” His fingers moved like butterfly wings up her ankles, to her calves, and she forgot everything but the delicate magic of his touch bringing her body to life.

“Hmm…” She moved a little, lost in the movement of his fingers.

Soft, circular motions to the back of her knees, more sensual than medical. “And you’re officially a princess.”

“Don’t want to talk about it,” she sighed. Just touch me.

“Why is this Orakis such a threat, Giulia? Why does everyone let him get away with his violent and publicity-grabbing antics? Why isn’t anyone putting a stop to it?”

She gave another sigh, but not one of contentment. The back of her right eye throbbed. She sat up, severing the connection between them by putting her feet to the floor. She rubbed the bone beneath her brow, and said it because she knew he wouldn’t stop until he knew what caused her stress.

“Because he’d be the king now if the people hadn’t deposed his family a few centuries ago. He’s a charismatic man, by all accounts—he has about twenty percent of the country under his sway—and he wants what his family lost. He can gain that through marriage to a princess. He and his followers will cause more strife if they don’t get what they want. And now Jazmine’s taken.”

Even in the warm darkness, she saw his skin pale. “My God, Giulia.”

She felt weary tears sting her eyes. “Orakis is unhappy about my possible engagement to Max. Theo Angelis has doubled Max’s security, just in case, but if Orakis found out that you, a commoner, had any chance to marry a princess he’d lose it completely. He has spies in the palace…” She couldn’t say more.

He pulled her hands into his, his thumbs on the pressure-point for headache—the webbing between thumb and index finger—rubbed in slow, firm circles on one hand and then the other. “How long have you been carrying this around?”

“Since yesterday morning.” She bit her lip. “Charlie and Jazmine don’t think I’ve made the connection yet, but now I’ve taken the title, as the law stands I have to marry either a Grand Duke—and Max is the only single one—or Orakis.”

“What a mess.” Toby swore, long and fluent and with all his inventiveness. “No wonder I was hijacked by ASIO.”

She nodded, fighting tears of exhaustion. “When I realised the enormity of my decision—what it means for Hellenia, and for me—I just blanked out. I needed you.” It felt like there was a jagged rock in her throat.

“And instead of lightening your burden I added to it with my wants and fears.” His voice was filled with darkness, but turned inward, upon himself.

“I’ve put you in danger.”

With a clear effort, he shook off the darkness and grinned. “Don’t worry about me, beloved. After fighting the worst bushfires on record as a volunteer, and running into collapsing buildings for a decade, a two-bit terrorist doesn’t frighten me.”

“You don’t understand,” she said quietly, feeling sad and lost. “You haven’t been here to know what it’s like, being a royal in a country that’s seen so much war. It’s not as the media portrays it. The reality beneath the glamour…” She rubbed her brow with her free hand. “A month ago, I was a simple ballet teacher. Now I’m this. The people have suffered so badly and I can help them, I am helping, but I don’t know if I’m up to the task for life. But I’ve accepted the position, and it’s all too much. There are so many strings to the position, I feel pulled every which way. I don’t know what to do.”

“Come here, beloved.” His arms opened to her.

With a sigh of relief she went to him, and he gathered her onto his lap, caressing her hair. “I liked your hair longer,” he whispered. “But you’re still so beautiful.”

Her head on his shoulder, she smiled. “That’s my Toby, with all your nonsense compliments to make me laugh.”

He stilled. “But you are beautiful, my Giulia.”

“Don’t,” she whispered. “You can’t fix this by saying nice things to me. I need you to be serious.” She looked up at him, seeing his perplexed frown. “I can’t talk to Charlie about this—he’s under enough pressure about his own future. Theo Angelis is too sick to handle any dissention. He can’t be the King any longer. His heart’s failing and he wants everything tied up neatly before he dies. Theo Angelis needs me to do my duty. He believes even marrying Orakis is an honour if it brings peace to Hellenia. And Max…”

“Yes?” he asked quietly, when she didn’t go on. “And Max?”

Her thoughts jumbled again, filled with sorrow, anger, regret and useless, hopeless wishing. “And he’s like you.”

Toby started and stared at her. “What?”

“He’s like you.” Sudden restlessness filled her. She jumped to her feet, pacing up and down the aisle. “He sees…”

“What does he see? Why is he me?”

She’d been silent or wise for the sake of others, hiding her true feelings for weeks. Now, with Toby here, she couldn’t control the words bubbling from her mouth. “He doesn’t see me. He sees the anorexic, and wants to help me—just like you.” She gulped and breathed, trying to regain control. “If I ever get married I want my man to adore me, to want me so much he can’t wait to touch me. Is it so much to ask, to have one man see me as a woman he can want and love?”

“Of course it’s not, beloved,” he said quietly. “You deserve all that and more.”

She sighed and looked away from his intense, beautiful face, but said it bluntly. “I’ve always been a romantic—you know that—but now it’s turned against me. I’m a twenty-six-year-old virgin. I can’t stand the thought of my first time being with Orakis for political purposes, or a man who pities me.” She felt a rush of hot bile rising in her throat. Control, Lia. You will not revert to anorexic behaviour! You’re stronger than that now.

As she leaned against the bookshelf, warm, strong arms came round her, turning her to him, holding him against his body, so big and dependable and perfect. “I adore you, Giulia,” he whispered. “I love touching you.”

“I know you love me, but it’s not the kind of love I want,” she cried, struggling against him, beautiful temptation and dearest friend. “I’m not a child any more, Toby, I’m a woman! I’m sorry, but I’d almost rather face Orakis in the bedroom than a man who doesn’t truly want me, who doesn’t even think I’m pretty!”

He stilled. Completely. The moon, slanting in through a window, showed the stunned look on his face. “You think I don’t find you pretty?”

She stared up at him. “Why wouldn’t I? It’s been right in front of me for years.” Her hands pushed against him until he let go. “I know what I am, Toby.” Suddenly she wanted to say it, even though she knew she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye tomorrow. “I’m the woman men see as their sister, the future aunt to their kids, everyone’s dear friend who never gets married, never has a lover.”

With the lightning-fast reflexes that made him such a magnificent firefighter, he had her back in his arms, plastered against him so fast she lost her breath. “How can you believe I’d cross the world for you, or tell you I want to marry you, from pity or fear? How could you not know how beautiful you are to me?”

Even with her body thudding and throbbing with desire from being near him, she laughed in disbelief. “How could I think it? How could I not think it? I’m nothing like the girls you’ve dated. I’m not blonde with a bubbly personality. I’m a tall, dark, quiet homebody. I do the bushwalking-and-kitchen scene, not the nightclub circuit. We’ve been friends fifteen years, and you’ve never once seen me, or showed a single sign of interest in me, until today.”

His eyes burned into hers, pure blue fire. “I see you. I’ve always seen you.”

“Yes,” she said, filled with sadness. “I know you see me—but I also know how you see me. It took my becoming a princess to have you stop wrapping me in cotton wool. For ten years you’ve been wearing kid gloves with me. But I’m not your anorexic little sister—I’m a woman, Toby. I’m a woman! I can’t marry you because you think you need to save me again. It would destroy both of us in the end.”

When he didn’t move or speak, she pulled away and walked back to the reading table. She picked up her book, and tried to speak as if nothing had happened. “I have another full day tomorrow. I need to sleep.”

“This isn’t over, Giulia.” His voice was as dark as the shadows surrounding him.

“It never started to be over, Toby. I love you, but I won’t marry you.” She looked at him, her sorrow too great to hold in. “I know you want to keep me safe and happy. A few months ago I might have said yes—it might have been enough. But I can’t go back. I have a life and responsibilities apart from one small ballet school and my brothers.”

“I’m not your brother.”

She shivered at the dark, lush tone, so inherently sexual, a tone she’d never heard from him until today. “Close enough.” She sighed. “Toby, can we not do this? I have enough to cope with without more stress, more people wanting a piece of me. I’ve been trying so hard to keep the royal family together the past month, the one who stayed calm in the storm.” A hiccup of distress broke from her. “But now it’s official I—I need my best and dearest friend.”

A quiet as deep as the night fell over them. When he spoke, he was gentle once again. “I made a vow ten years ago to be everything you need—and you need me now more than ever. I’m here, Giulia, for whatever you want of me.”

How could she feel so relieved and so absurdly empty and annoyed all at once? I don’t need you to rescue me! “Thank you.” She turned to the door.

“I should have said almost whatever you want of me,” he added, his voice soft but not gentle, and filled with a meaning that sent piercing desire shivering through her. “I am your friend, and I will be anything else you want.” The slightest stress on the word want made her shiver again, right down to fingertips. “With one exception.”

Oh, why had the stupid longings come back at a time when they’d never been more useless? She had a choice, neither of which involved what she wanted—unless she turned her back on a heritage that filled her with purpose and strength as much as it terrified her. She couldn’t turn her back on a country and people that needed her.

But she couldn’t stop herself from asking huskily, “What’s that?”

His eyes held hers in a way she’d never seen before today. It was as if he’d taken the skin off his soul, showing her what lay inside. “I’m not your brother, Giulia. I won’t be your brother.”

“Why?” The word burst from her. “You’ve been—been almost…”

“Exactly—almost.” His hand curved over her cheek, touching her as he’d always done, except that his eyes were no longer light or friendly, and a tiny moan escaped her. Her head fell back, drinking in the touch; she swayed into him. “We’ve never been brother and sister, even when we wanted to be. We’ve been best friends, we’ve lived together as family, but when we touch like this…” he trailed a finger down her throat, one unbearably perfect touch, and her body glowed and shimmered with the radiance of the desire she couldn’t control “…we both know the truth.”

“Toby,” she whispered, aching, hurting, right down to her fingertips with the yearning for him, for everything.

“Say it, Giulia,” he whispered back. “Say ‘I want you, Toby,’ and I’ll be your friend and lover, tonight and every night.”

His chest brushed oh so lightly against her breasts, and they swelled at the touch, blissful pain. She gasped.

“You don’t know what you’re asking of me.” She ripped herself from his arms and bolted.

Toby froze in the warm, late-summer darkness, feeling it envelop him now she was gone. She’d taken the light and sweetness of hope with her, leaving him bruised, his body battered and in physical pain.

She didn’t know.

Her blindness shocked him, her utter stone-blindness to his love. After ten years of showing her in every possible way how much he loved and wanted her, she didn’t even think he found her pretty or interesting.

The doctor’s words of years ago came back to haunt him.

No matter what you say or do, even you, her closest support person, may never know the depth of damage to her self-esteem or how she sees herself.

He leaned against the bookshelf where she’d been, inhaling the last vestiges of her scent. How had he saved her life, been her best friend so many years, and known her so little? How had she listened to every word he’d said to her for so long, yet never truly grasped their meaning? She’d called his endearments “nonsense.”

At this point, only one thing was clear: he’d shocked her to her core by kissing her today. She honestly hadn’t seen it. She didn’t even see how much he needed her.

If he wanted to win her, he couldn’t take a single thing for granted. He had to start over from scratch, to show her he didn’t just love her, he found her beautiful and desirable—the only woman he wanted.

I’m not a child any more, Toby; I’m a woman!

Ten years dreaming her dreams for her, making her every wish come true, and she’d grown and changed; she’d become a woman before his blinkered eyes. And now she’d gone so far ahead of him he couldn’t see her. Worse, he hadn’t even noticed when she’d left.

The title and tiara were the least of his problems. She loved him, wanted him, but she didn’t love him, and didn’t want him. After half a lifetime of being everything to her, she’d trusted him with the truth only now, when she believed it was too late.

How long had she been hiding this resentment from him? How long had she wanted a woman’s life, and he hadn’t noticed?

I’m a woman! The passionate lilt in her voice as she’d said it had both made him harder than he’d ever been, awakened him from ten years of aching love lost inside a mental fog of fear, and made him smile at last. So Max didn’t see her as a woman? She wanted a man to see her, to want her as a woman?

As ever, half an hour with her inspired him. With two sentences, she’d shown him the way to opening her guarded and locked heart. She’d even shown him how he could stay in Hellenia, at least for now, how to circumvent the King’s suspicions.

If Hellenia needed healing, he had some plans that just might impress the crusty old king.

And if Giulia wanted a man to show her just how much he wanted her, she was about to get it.

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