Healing Her Boss's Heart

“That’s too bad, because there’s always room to grow, Doctor. Always things you can look ahead to.”

Something he’d believed once. Then had let go of.

“Now, am I accepted? You know both my strengths and weaknesses...even though I might not personally call them weaknesses. I’m sure you’ve talked with my former supervisors, so you know both the good and bad about me. And you also know whether you want me. So...do you?”

He did. Even though he was still wavering, Carrie had what he needed in his program. Admittedly, he wouldn’t mind a little more. Maybe the edge of a friendship? Only the edge, though, because that’s as far as he ever went. Except with his best friend, Palloton.

But...damn, this was tough because he wanted Carrie Kellem. With a lot of reservations. She was going to be a challenge. Maybe a problem. Still, her determination... It always went back to that. Her determination. He needed that most of all, and he’d never seen it so well defined in a person. Carrie embodied it, though, and that was a huge part of being a rescue specialist. Because it was a hard, isolating job, and without a huge amount of internal grit it would take a person down real fast. “I’m still thinking,” he said, even though, deep down, he knew Carrie was going to make a difference to him that he wasn’t sure he wanted made.

* * *

“Look, I’ve exhausted my options in Chicago. At least, the options I want to pursue. And so far I love everything I’ve seen here. It’s like nothing I’ve ever had in my life, and the idea of waking up every morning and looking out one window and seeing wild prairie lands, then looking out another window and seeing mountains—it intrigues me, Doctor, because all I’ve ever known is Chicago, and buildings and street noises. And the opportunity to do my work in that wilderness or on those mountains...

“All I can be is honest. Right now, this is what I want to do. It’s not my last chance, or my last resort. It’s my choice. You have something I want, and I may, at some point in the future, have something you want. So accept me, or don’t. It’s as simple as that.”

It wasn’t like her to beg. But she was almost begging for this. Or coming as close to begging as she ever had. Because something about Marrell, Montana, felt right. It felt like she needed to be here. Gut instinct perhaps? Because if there was one thing she’d learned to do at an early age, it was to trust her gut. Sometimes it was the only thing that had saved her.

He chuckled. “You drive a hard bargain, Carrie.”

Her eyes crinkled into a warm smile. The smile of victory. “I know. That’s what makes me so irresistible.”

“Well, irresistible isn’t what I’m looking for. It’s strength of mind and character, and the willingness to work harder than you’ve ever worked in your life.”

“A few months back I had a hostage who was down, bleeding out from multiple gunshot wounds inside a bank that was being held up. Three gunmen in total. They didn’t want him to die because they didn’t want to face murder charges, so I got to him pretty easily. They let me in. Met me with a gun in my back. Told me to fix him, then get him out of there. And here’s this nearly three-hundred-pound man who didn’t want to go because he was afraid if I jostled him, he’d bleed to death.

“So, I’ve got a gun at my back and this belligerent man resisting everything I was trying to do. My only hope was to sneak in a sedative and wait until it took him down enough that I could drag him out into the street.

“Trust me, he wasn’t easy. I ended up with a broken nose, a sprained wrist and more bruises than I could count. But today he’s alive and well and embellishing his story on his radio sports talk show every chance he gets. He was the hardest work I’ve ever had. So if you’ve got something harder, bring it on. I’m ready for it.”

“Well, try doing that dangling on the end of a rope extended out over a six-thousand-foot drop, then we’ll talk.”

She laughed. “OK, so you’ve got me beat. But let me just say this. The reason you should let me into your program is that, so far, my life has been all about getting myself to a place that’s more of a challenge than the last place I was. I take the risks. I meet the challenges. But I also get the results. If you give me this opportunity—and you know you want to—you stand a fair chance of getting exactly what you want out of this program.” This time when she smiled at him she wrinkled her nose. She hadn’t meant to because it came so close to...flirting. And she didn’t flirt. Never flirted. Never wanted to find herself in the position of having to deal with the results. Yet she’d just wrinkled her nose...

“Which would be...?”

“Me,” she said. “And all my experience.”

“You, the person who doesn’t follow orders. So, tell me. How am I going to deal with that? Because there’s no room for it in my program.”

“Sounds like you’ve just accepted me.”

“Maybe I have.”

“In that case, all I can say is I’ll try to do better. I want this. I don’t want to go over the top and ruin my chances. So I’ll do everything I can to make sure I don’t.”

“Won’t that be fighting the natural woman? Because I see what you’re made of, and I’m not sure you can fight it.”

“Then accept me provisionally, or put me on probation. I want this. I want to be in a place where I’m needed. Where I can make a difference. And I can do that here—for you.”

“Not for me, Carrie. For the people who’ll need you. But you’re tempting me. I’m concerned, though, that we’ve got all kinds of experience here you’ve never had. Mountains, rivers, wilderness, wildlife...” He shrugged. “Since you’ve always been a city girl, you won’t be afraid to take it on, will you?”

“Nothing’s ever scared me.” Not since the night they’d taken her away from her mother and thrown her in a foster home for her own benefit. Her mom had been a drunk. A drug addict. And Carrie remembered lying on the cot in the large room full of other scared kids, listening to so many of them cry. She’d cried, too, that night. She’d become one of the many. But she’d been old enough to realize that she couldn’t be just one of the many if she wanted to survive. She couldn’t be scared. Couldn’t cry. And after that night she hadn’t allowed anything to scare her. She shook her head, clenched her jaw. “No, it doesn’t scare me.”

“You do realize you probably wouldn’t have the opportunity to join the police force here. At least, not in the same capacity as in Chicago.”

“That’s fine. I want to be a paramedic first anyway. I only went through police training so I could specialize as a tactical paramedic, and it was required of me. Of course, if becoming the town sheriff or anything comes with a horse and a cowboy hat...”

“Nope. He drives a mountain-worthy SUV and, as far as I know, the only hat I’ve ever seen him in is a bright orange stocking cap he wears when he’s out in the woods.”

“Well, I don’t look good in orange, so I may have to find some other kind of work here to help me support myself. Maybe something part-time in your emergency department. If there’s an opening.”

“Well, like I already said, I do have some concerns. I’ll be honest about that. But if you can keep your over-exuberance under control, you’re in. The term is eight weeks for the initial part of the training, at least forty hours a week, with continuing education follow-ups until you’re certified. You’ll be on call for any and all emergencies during your training. The assignments will be my choice, not yours. So, do you want this?”

“I let my apartment go back in Chicago, sold my furniture to get me out here and get me set up so, yes, I want this. Now, can my dog get some training on this course along with me?”

“You have a dog?”

“Big one, with a good tracking sense. Smart. Trains easily. I’ve always thought she’d be great in the field.”

Jack dropped his head back against the chair and let out a long sigh. “You’re going to insist on the dog, aren’t you?”

“Well, maybe not insist so much as try to persuade. There can be advantages.”

He stared straight at her. “You never quit, do you?”

She smiled, feeling as happy about this new opportunity as she’d ever felt about anything. “Never.”

Jack’s response was to groan. Simply groan, then shut his eyes.

Chapter Two

CARRIE HANDED A dog treat to Bella, her large, black Labrador-mutt mix, and climbed into the pickup truck next to her, nudging Bella back over to the passenger’s side. “We’re in,” she said to her companion. Bella and Carrie had been together for a year now, resulting from an unintentional meeting. Bella had gotten caught up in some gunfire—an innocent passerby—and had taken a bullet to her hindquarter. Nothing serious—just a flesh wound. But she’d needed patching, and Carrie happened to be the one on the scene who could do that. Only problem was, after she’d dropped Bella off at the closest veterinarian’s office for better care, the bill had come to her since Bella was a stray. So, because she’d paid for the dog’s care, she’d kept the dog. Best thing she’d ever done. “He seems nice enough. Not very personable, but we’re not here to make friends, are we?” she asked her friend, as she eased her truck forward and started off down Marrell’s main street toward the one-room garage apartment she was renting.

By the time she reached her temporary home. Carrie was more than ready to go inside, kick back and spend the evening reading a medical journal. Maybe open a can of soup and heat it up over a single burner hot plate and snuggle in. She hadn’t expected to live in the lap of luxury, coming to Montana, but she’d hoped for something better than this. One room, a foldout sofa that converted to a bed, a tiny kitchen table for two with a wobbly leg, a chair. But it was warm, and given that it was almost October, and she’d already been caught up in light snow flurries, that warmth was a bonus. That, plus the fact that there was a little stretch of open land across the road where she could walk Bella without having to go too far.

“There’s no place to go,” she said, adjusting her cell phone to speaker so she could get comfortable talking to her former roomie, Hannah Clarkson. Hannah was a nurse practitioner who managed a small satellite clinic for one of Chicago’s leading hospitals. “I knew I’d be getting into some pretty remote areas, but I didn’t expect it to be quite so...isolated.”

“Have you made any friends?” Hannah asked.

“I don’t want to make any friends. I’m here to work hard, get through the program and figure out what’s next. The doctor in charge is already offering me a job here—well, almost—so who knows. If things work out...”

“Is he sexy?”

Leave it to Hannah to cut to the bottom line. “To you, maybe. He’s tall, well built. Rugged. But I’m not looking for sexy.” Dredging up a quick mental recall of Dr. Jack Hanson, she decided he was, indeed, sexy. Nice muscles. Strong. She especially liked the three-day growth of stubble on his face. His longish dark brown hair. His charcoal eyes. OK, maybe she’d been too long without a man in her life since just picturing him gave her a little tingle. But having a man, or not having one, had never been her focus. And she wasn’t about to make that any kind of a focus now.

“You’re not looking, period. Remember that firefighter...what was his name?”

“Um...I don’t remember.” Actually, she did. And he’d been a hunk and a half. And caught up in one of those complicated situations halfway between married and divorced. In her life, there was never room for anything complicated so she’d moved on. But that was going on to two years ago now, and she’d never had a date since. Even then, their dates hadn’t really been dates. More like chance encounters. A few minutes here, a few there. Nothing special.

“Liar,” her friend accused. “He was great.”

“He was thinking about going back to his wife.”

“OK, maybe he was a bad choice. But how will you ever know a good choice if you don’t allow yourself to look?”

“I’ll look. Just not right now.”

“Well, all I’m saying is keep your options open. You owe yourself a little fun. And a future outside your job.”

A future outside her job? The words rattled around in her brain long after she’d quit talking to Hannah. And, they scared her, because she was good at her job. Felt safe in it. But outside it...what had she ever had that was worth anything? Had there ever been anything in life that had made her feel safe? No, there hadn’t.

Well, Hannah may have been right about some things, but changing herself was easier said than done. Her life had always been about survival, and when you lived only to survive, everything else took a back seat. Quite honestly, she didn’t know any other way to live. Mentally and emotionally—sure, there was more to it, and she envied the people she could see having that kind of life. But for Carrie survival mode always took over. In and out of foster homes from the age of five until she was sixteen. Then bumped out to the street, living on her own, by her wits. Eating out of trash bins, avoiding the bad people, the bad influences. Always wanting more. Always knowing that if she could find the way, she could have it. Always fighting to get ahead and never giving up. That’s who she was because she didn’t know how to be anything else.

Glumly, Carrie set aside her soup and put Bella on her lead, then walked over to the field and simply stood there as Bella sniffed around, then pulled her in different directions, investigating all her options. For her dog, it was an easy thing. Find it then follow it. But for her, that had always hurt. Too many times over her growing-up years she’d thought she’d found it, only to be turned away. She’d had to become hard to survive. She’d had to become disengaged to keep from getting hurt. Problem was she didn’t know how to engage now. At thirty-three she didn’t have a clue.

“Too many years alone,” she said to Bella, as they headed back to the apartment a little while later. “Sort of like the way you were when I found you. Alone, wounded.” Except Bella’s wounds had healed. Carrie’s, on the other hand, had not. They were too deep. Too ingrained in who she was. “Part and parcel,” she said, leading Bella up the stairs. “That which has to be accepted as part of something else.” Or, in other words, as part of her.

Once inside, Carrie debated returning to her reading or stretching out on the lumpy sofa bed. The bed won, so she stripped down to her undies, climbed in, pulled the blanket up over her and shut her eyes, even though she wasn’t the least bit tired or sleepy. But sleeping beat staying awake, thinking about her place in life. Something she was prone to doing too often.

And ten seconds later thoughts of Jack Hanson flashed across her mind. She tingled a little, unwilling recollections skittering across her mind. His body—the muscles. His eyes—so intense. And the smile that didn’t come easily, but when it did was so...warm. Inviting. She rubbed her arms against the goose bumps coming to life. All over an image in her head. Men didn’t affect her that way. She didn’t let them. But the more she thought about Jack, and the more she tingled, the more her goose bumps marched up and down.

Sighing, she turned on her side, hoping a new position would bring on different thoughts. But it didn’t work as Jack was still playing with her. She didn’t really know anything about him. He was gruff, which she didn’t mind. Very direct, which attracted her. And dedicated. Maybe that was his best quality. She liked dedication. Liked someone with a purpose, a destination, and it seemed that Jack had both.

He wasn’t married, she finally decided, after turning over to her other side, realizing she was fighting a losing battle. Jack would leave her mind in his own good time, and there wasn’t much she could do to control it. No, not married...at least, he didn’t wear a wedding band. No trace of one either. And there was nothing else about him to indicate he was.

His appearance was a little unkempt, in a rugged way. Didn’t have a wife’s finishing touch. Or what she thought should be a wife’s touch. What she’d do if she were a wife. But was he involved? Did he get involved or was he a player? “No,” she said, still trying to force the thought of him from her head as she climbed out of bed, headed to the sink for a drink of water, and was interrupted partway across the room with the “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik” jingle of her cell phone.

“Kellem here,” she said, when her caller ID failed to note who was on the other end.

“Jack Hanson.” Simple response. No embellishments.

“What can I do for you, Dr. Hanson?” she asked, not sure what to make of a call coming in at nearly eleven o’clock.

“We have a medical situation. You mentioned that you might want to take a part-time job as a paramedic. So, if that’s the case, you’re hired.”

“A case? As in?”

“Priscilla Anderson, one of our senior residents, is having a heart episode—not sure if it’s an attack or what—and she can’t get to us, so we need to get to her. I’m in my truck, I’ve got your address, and I’m two minutes away. Be ready. It’s going to be a hike, so be ready for that, too. Oh, and that garage you’re living above...there’s a better apartment over Millie’s Diner. A little more room, not as run-down. Probably safer.”

“And more expensive. This place is fine. Easy on the budget.”

“Suit yourself. But if you change your mind...” With that, he clicked off, leaving Carrie standing there, practically naked, staring at the phone, like that was going to give her more information. Which, of course, it didn’t. So, three minutes later, she ran down the outside steps of her apartment and straight to the pickup truck parked in front of it. With Bella at her heels.

“You’re not bringing that dog, are you?” Jack grumbled, instead of greeting her with a “Hello” or “Glad you could make it.” Or even doing the polite thing by opening the truck door for her.

“She won’t get in the way.”

“She’ll stay in the truck,” he said, as he gunned the engine, and the tires spun briefly on the icy road before they caught traction and the three of them were on their way.

“She’s had obedience training, and she carries my supplies. Assuming you’ve brought supplies for me to carry.”

“I have.” Jack glanced over at the dog, who’d managed to find her spot between Carrie and him. “And you expect her to carry them in that red pack she’s wearing?”

“Frees me up to take in additional equipment, if needed. Or, when I was working SWAT, carry a gun.”

“They let you take her in?”

“Nobody ever stopped me. Although I never put her in harm’s way. If there was gunfire, she stayed in the car.” She glanced over at Jack, saw the grim set of his face, and scooted back in her seat but didn’t relax. “So, why me tonight?”

“You were free.”

“You’ve got other students in town who could do just as well.”

“But, as I said, we’ve got some hiking to do, and you seemed like the one to do it.”

“Do you always make house calls?” she asked him.

“When I have to. In areas like this, you do whatever it takes. Tonight it’s going to take a half-mile hike up a steep trail, because the road that winds up to Priscilla’s place is iced over and not safe to drive.”

“So, how do we know it’s a heart episode?”

“That’s what she said when she phoned me. And she only calls for help if she thinks it’s serious, so I have no reason to doubt she got it wrong. Symptoms fit. She has a history of mild heart disease. Asthma, too.” He elbowed Bella back toward Carrie. “Look, I’m not happy that you’re bringing the dog, but since she’s here there’s nothing I can do about it. So, please, keep her off my lap and don’t let her lean on me. Or drool on me.”

“You don’t like dogs?”

“One thing you’ll discover about me the further into training you get is that I’m not always the most tolerant person. Fair warning. I’m good at what I do, but sometimes I’m not the nicest person to be around.”

“Any particular reason for that?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I try to keep myself focused on my work, and I’m not good with distractions. Like dogs. Personally, I like them well enough. Just not with me on a house call.”

And that was the last thing he said until he brought the truck to a stop on a winding, narrow road and hopped out. “Your supplies are behind the seat. Put them in the doggie bag, if that’s what you want to do. And stay as close to me as you can, because you don’t know the area, the path is going to be slick, and I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Guess we’d better hurry,” she said, slinging her bag of supplies over her shoulder, then scrambling along after him, trying to stay close enough that she could benefit from the flashlight he shone on the trail ahead of him.

While she didn’t know much about mountain rescue yet, she did know that the last thing she needed was to be out on a mountain trail, in the cold, after dark, lost and alone. Not that he would care. Or even notice. Because, from her little corner of the world, it seemed that Jack Hanson wasn’t the type of person who got himself caught up in anything other than his work, the same way she didn’t. Which made him a perfect match for her—medically speaking.

She liked that. In fact, she got excited about it as, outside her training, she’d never worked with anyone before. Always alone on the job. With backup, of course. But the medical duty had been up to her, and there had been no one there beside her to help.

Now that Jack was practically her first partner, it felt nice. Gave her a different kind of confidence, as if, because of him, she could do more. Do better. Even the thought of watching his hands work—gentle hands, she assumed—gave her a little jolt. Competent hands. The hands of a skilled lover... No—She wasn’t going there. That was way too far. Mind on the job, Carrie, she warned herself. She had to keep her mind only on the medical and not on the other potential non-medical skills of Jack’s hands.

“What do we do when we get there? How do we get her out, since we can barely get in?” she asked, hoping he didn’t notice the smidgen of wobbliness in her voice.

“I’ve got a couple of volunteers coming in behind us, about an hour out, if we’re lucky, and they’ll help us get her back to the truck. After that...” He paused, turned to shine the light on her face. “She’s my grandmother. I’ve got an airlift on standby if she’s too bad to keep at Sinclair. Which makes her one of the lucky ones, because I can afford to do it. But there are hundreds of people living out here who don’t get that benefit. Which is why we need to get in to them better than we’re able to do now. Give them a quicker response, an earlier intervention.”

“Your grandmother lives out here alone?” That surprised her, as she’d never known anyone who lived so remotely. Even in her worst days, living in alley doorways, she’d been surrounded by civilization. But to live so far out... It wasn’t exactly an unappealing idea. A scary one, but one she might have to get used to if Jack hired her after the program was finished.

“Always has. She homesteaded the area with my grandfather, and stayed on after he died. Won’t leave. Stubborn, like you are.”

“But she gets to Marrell occasionally?”

“When she wants, which isn’t very often. She lives life on her own terms, and nothing’s going to change that.”

Like Jack? she wondered. Because he, too, seemed like he lived life on his own terms. “So, what’s the plan after we get there?” she asked, fighting hard to keep up with him as he turned back to the trail and doubled his pace. He was strong. Had huge hiking skills, the likes of which she’d never seen before. And, for the first time, she got a good sense of what he wanted out of his program. Saw the vital necessity of it.

“We’re going to stabilize her for transport. That’s all we’re equipped for right now. Get an IV going, get her on oxygen, give her cardiac meds if she needs them, and kick the wall and curse because we can’t do more.” He slowed just slightly. Not enough to make much of a difference, but enough so it gave Carrie a chance to almost catch up to him. But before she did completely, he started off again as fast and furiously as before. “And feed her cats. She’s got a bunch of them, and she’s more worried about them than she is about herself. Hope your dog is OK with cats.”