The Best Of The Year - Medical Romance

‘It will be okay,’ Louise said. As a midwife she was extremely used to a woman’s shocked tears when they first came to the realisation that they were pregnant.

‘I don’t think it can be,’ Candy sobbed, ‘and I can’t tell you why.’

Louise sat and thought for a moment. If Steele was only here for a few more weeks, which was what she’d heard, then it wasn’t any wonder that Candy was upset.

‘I don’t know who to talk to,’ Candy said, and then blew her nose and told herself to get it together.

‘Can you talk to me?’ Louise offered. ‘Do you want to do a pregnancy test? I’ll come with you.’ When Candy said nothing Louise pushed on. ‘Could you talk about it with Anton?’ Louise asked. Anton was Louise’s husband and one of the most sought-after obstetricians in London. ‘I was just on my way to have lunch with him so I know that he’s got time to see you.’

Candy nodded.

It was time to find out for sure.

Louise took out her phone and sent a text and a few moments later she got a response. ‘He says to come to the antenatal clinic and he’ll see you. I’ll take you over there now.’

‘People will wonder what I’m doing in the antenatal clinic.’

‘People will think we’re just two friends catching up for lunch,’ Louise said. ‘Don’t be so paranoid.’

As they arrived at the clinic Candy felt a moment’s reprieve as she looked around at the pregnant women all sitting waiting for their turn to be seen.

She was overreacting, she told herself.

This world didn’t apply to her.

‘You might as well come in,’ Candy said to Louise as they arrived at a door that had a sign with Anton Rossi written on it. ‘He’ll only tell you what’s happening anyway.’

‘God, no.’ Louise rolled her eyes. ‘Unfortunately for me Anton’s all ethical like that. If you tell him not to tell me, then wild horses wouldn’t drag it from him! You don’t have to worry about that.’ Louise gave her a lovely smile. ‘But if you do want to tell me then I’m dying to know!’ She gave Candy a cuddle just before she went in. ‘You’ll be fine.’

Candy really hadn’t had anything to do with Anton before this. She just knew him by reputation and had seen him occasionally when he’d come down to Emergency to review a patient there.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch break,’ she said. ‘Thank you for seeing me so quickly.’

‘Louise said that you were very upset.’

Candy nodded. ‘I know that everything is confidential but the thing is, this is terribly delicate and—’

‘First of all,’ Anton interrupted, ‘you are right—everything you tell me is completely confidential. I never gossip.’

‘Thank you.’

‘I’m not even taking notes. Do you want to tell me what’s happening?’

‘I think I might be pregnant,’ Candy said. ‘The thing is, my partner …’ She didn’t even know if Steele was that but she pushed on. ‘It can’t be his.’

‘Because?’

‘He’s infertile.’

‘Have you been seeing someone else?’ Anton asked gently—he was used to that being the case—but Candy shook her head.

‘I’ve only been with my current partner for a couple of weeks. We weren’t supposed to be serious, but …’ It sounded so terrible put like that but Anton’s eyes were sympathetic rather than judgmental. ‘I had a one-night stand with my ex a couple of months ago.’ She thought back. ‘Three months, maybe. We used condoms.’

‘Nothing is fail-safe,’ Anton said.

‘I went on the Pill afterwards,’ Candy said. ‘I wasn’t expecting anything to happen again but I just decided I wasn’t coming off it. I have had my period.’

‘A normal period?’ Anton checked.

‘It’s been light but I thought that was because the day I got it I started the Pill.’

‘The first thing we need to do—’ Anton was very calm ‘—is to find out if you are indeed pregnant.’

He gave her a jar and a few minutes later she sat in his office and she knew, she simply knew that she was. A few moments later Anton confirmed it.

‘Candy, you are pregnant.’

He let it sink in for a moment.

‘How do you think your partner will react?’ Anton asked.

‘I don’t think I’m going to find out,’ Candy said, and she just stared at the wall. ‘There’s really no point telling him. We both agreed from the start—’

‘What about the father?’

Oh, that’s right. Candy’s brain was moving like gridlocked traffic. It was like telling a joke and forgetting the punch line, because she hadn’t told Anton the good part yet. ‘You know Gerry, the head of nursing in Emergency …’

‘Oh, Candy.’ Immediately he took her hand. Anton didn’t gossip—in fact, he had been in this office all morning—but he had seen the email twenty minutes or so ago informing everyone that Gerry had passed away while on holiday in Greece and that Emergency was on bypass.

‘I don’t know what to do.’

‘Of course you don’t know what to do at the moment,’ he said. ‘This is all too much of a shock. How long have you been worried that you might be pregnant?’

‘Since yesterday,’ Candy said. ‘A patient said something. I know I’m a bit overweight, it just …’

‘Hit home?’

Candy nodded.

‘I knew you were pregnant before I did the test,’ Anton said, which concerned him a little as it did not seem to fit with her dates. ‘We could do an ultrasound now, here, and see exactly where we are,’ he suggested. ‘Are you ready to do that?’

She nodded.

‘Go to the examination table and undo your jeans. He came over and had a feel of her stomach but said nothing—though he was starting to think that Candy would soon be in for another shock.

He squeezed some gel on and turned the machine away from her. ‘Can you turn the sound off, please?’ Candy said, because she didn’t want to hear its heartbeat.

‘Of course I can.’

He took a few moments, running the probe over her stomach and pushing it in over and over.

‘I really am sorry to interrupt your lunch break,’ Candy said, more for something to say because she was dreading the next conversation.

‘My wife would have been nagging me to do an ultrasound on her anyway.’ He smiled and then he looked across at Candy. ‘I shan’t be discussing this with her.’

‘Thank you.’

He had finished.

‘Stay there,’ Anton said as she went to sit up. ‘You are close to thirteen weeks pregnant, which means conception was eleven weeks ago.’

‘I’ve had my period, though.’

‘Breakthrough bleeding,’ Anton said. ‘Nothing to worry about. All looks well on the ultrasound. Obviously your hormones are everywhere right now.’

‘Would the Pill have harmed it?’

‘No. Many, many women I have seen have taken the Pill while not knowing that they are pregnant. You’ve had no symptoms?’ Anton checked.

‘Not really.’ Candy shook her head and then lay and thought back over the past few weeks. ‘I had what I thought was a bug and I’ve felt sick a couple of times and been a bit dizzy, but I never really gave it much thought.’ She looked up at Anton. ‘I’ve been so tired, though. I mean seriously tired. I actually booked a holiday because I was feeling so flat.’

‘Candy,’ Anton said gently, ‘I’m not surprised that you have been feeling exhausted—it’s a twin pregnancy.’

It was just as well that he had kept her lying down.

Candy lay there, stunned, trying and failing to see herself as a mother of twins. Finally she sat up and when she took a seat at the desk Anton gave her a drink of water.

‘I don’t know what to do.’

‘As of now,’ he said, ‘I would expect that your mind is extremely scattered. Is there anybody that you can talk to about this?’

‘Not really. My parents will freak,’ Candy said, panicking just at the thought of telling them. ‘I can’t tell anyone at work or it will be everywhere.’

He nodded in understanding but he was practical too. ‘You are going to start showing very soon—in fact, you are already,’ Anton said. ‘I could feel that you were pregnant before I did the ultrasound. Your uterus is out of the pelvis and you will show far more quickly with twins.’

‘I can’t have it, Anton,’ Candy said, but then she started to cry because it wasn’t an it. It was a them.

‘Candy, you do need a little time to process this news but you also need to come and see me next week. You don’t have much time to make a decision. I do want you to take the time to think very carefully about this.’

She didn’t need the time. In that moment, she had already made her choice.

‘I can’t …’ Candy said, and then took a deep breath. ‘I’m not having an abortion.’

‘Well, you have a difficult road coming up,’ Anton said, ‘but I can tell you this much—I will be there for you and in six months from now you will have your babies and today will be just a confusing memory.’

‘Thank you.’

They chatted some more and Candy told him that she was booked to go to Hawaii next week. ‘Can I still go?’

‘Absolutely!’ he said. ‘It will be the best thing for you. Let your insurance company know. Put me down as your obstetrician. I do still want to see you next week, though. You need to have some blood tests and I want to go through things more thoroughly with you. Right now, it’s time for the news to sink in.’

Poor thing, Anton thought as she left his office. He had looked after many women whose partner and even ex-partner had died and knew that it was a very confusing time.

He smiled as there was a knock at the door and Louise came in. ‘How was she?’

‘She’s fine,’ Anton said, and then rolled his eyes as Louise picked up the gel. ‘Step away from the ultrasound machine, Louise.’

‘Please,’ Louise said. ‘It’s wide awake. I can feel it kicking.

‘Because it probably knows its lunchtime,’ Anton said. ‘Come on, I would actually like to get some lunch.’

‘Is Candy okay?’ Louise shamelessly fished as they walked down to the canteen. Anton absolutely trusted his wife but part of what he adored about her was that she could not keep a secret and so, to be safe, he said nothing.

‘She’s on with him …’ Louise nudged.

‘Who?’ Anton frowned.

‘The sexy new geriatrician that just walked past,’ Louise explained. ‘Candy is on with him.’

He loathed gossip, he truly did, but, unusually for Anton, he turned his head.

He felt sorry for her new partner too and tried to imagine how he would feel if his gorgeous wife had already been pregnant when they’d met.

Anton was man enough to admit that he didn’t know.

Candy stepped into her flat and put down her handbag and she didn’t know where to start with her thoughts.

Just after seven there was a knock at the door and Candy opened it to the angry questions and accusations of her parents.

‘Where were you?’ her mother asked, and demanded to know where Candy had been last night and the night before that.

‘We came over and you were not home.’

‘Please, not now,’ Candy said.

Yes, now.

‘For the last two weeks you are hardly home. We call around and the lights are off. We telephone and you don’t pick up.’

‘I’m twenty-four years old, Mum,’ Candy said. ‘I don’t have to account for my time …’

She might as well have thrown petrol on the fire because all the anger that had been held in by her parents since Candy had moved into her flat came out then.

She was heading for trouble, her mother warned.

They didn’t raise her to stay out all night.

Who was she going to Hawaii with?

Candy thought of Steele then and stood there, remembering the beginning of tentative plans.

How much simpler life had seemed then.

‘I’m not discussing this,’ Candy said. ‘I’m very tired. It’s been an extremely long day.’

She simply refused to row.

When they finally left she stood in the hall.

No one understood. Her friends at work thought she was ridiculous to worry about what her parents might think, but she did. Candy loved them. She just didn’t know how to be both herself and the daughter they demanded that she be.

Imagine telling them that the she was pregnant.

She simply could not imagine it.

Not just pregnant, but pregnant with twins and the father was dead.

Candy dealt with things then as any rational, capable adult would.

She undressed, climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her head.

CHAPTER TEN

‘HI.’

Steele could hear the tension in her voice when Candy called him on Saturday, though she was trying to keep her voice light.

‘Hi, Candy.’

‘Is it okay if we give it a miss tonight?’ she asked. They had planned to go to a stand-up comedy and the tickets had been hard to come by.

‘Of course it is,’ he said. ‘I doubt you’re in the mood for laughing out loud. Do you want me to come over?’

‘I’d really just like a night on my own,’ she said.

Another one.

And then another.

And then another.

On Tuesday, four days before she flew, Steele saw her briefly in the admin corridor. She was coming down from Admin, where she had been trying to sort out her salary for her annual leave when she bumped into him.

‘How are you doing?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine,’ she said. ‘I actually can’t stop and speak. Lydia has messed up my annual leave pay and I’ve been trying to sort it out.’

He walked in the direction of Emergency with her. ‘How’s the mood in Emergency?’

‘Pretty flat,’ Candy said. ‘His funeral is being held in Sunderland, where he’s from, but the hospital is holding a memorial service for him. They’re naming the new resuscitation area after him,’ She gave a tight smile. ‘Thankfully I’ll be in Hawaii when it’s held.’

‘Thankfully?’

She shook her head. She really didn’t want to discuss how mixed up she was feeling right now, especially with Steele. She had considered changing her holiday so she could attend the memorial service but the thought of facing his parents there was too much for Candy. While she knew she had to tell them, she wanted to get her own head around it first. As for them naming Resuscitation after him! Well, the thought of wheeling patients in and out of Gerry’s Wing, day in and day out, had her stomach in knots.

Then she turned and looked at the man she was quite sure she loved with all her heart and she wanted to break down and tell him. She wanted the pregnancy to go away and to be back to where they had once been, but it certainly wasn’t Steele’s problem so she gave him a very tight smile. ‘I do have to go.’

He nodded and watched her dash off.

Leave it, the sensible part of his mind said as he headed back to the geriatric unit and went and hid in his office.

He was certain now that Candy was pregnant. In a matter of days her body had changed and she was completely unable to meet his eyes.

He was roused from his introspection by a tap at the door and he called for whoever it was to come in.

‘Sorry to trouble you.’

‘No trouble at all.’ Steele smiled at Catherine, Macey’s niece and another woman.

‘This is my sister, Linda.’

‘Good afternoon, Linda.’ He expected Linda had some questions, that they perhaps wanted to know how best to broach things with Macey. But, as Steele found out every day in his job, there were always surprises to be had.

‘When Aunt Macey had her heart attack,’ Catherine started, ‘Linda took care of her home, fed the cat, that sort of thing …’

‘I see.’

Linda spoke then. ‘A letter came while she was in hospital. I was doing her mail and paying her bills so she didn’t have to worry about being cut off. I opened this letter and it was from a charity that deals with adopted children. It explained that Macey’s son wanted to make contact. I didn’t know if it would make things worse. She was so sick …’

‘Of course you didn’t know what to do,’ he said.

‘I didn’t even tell Catherine,’ Linda said. ‘I just didn’t know what to do with the news. I spoke to my husband and he suggested that we wait till Aunt Macey was feeling better. Really, though, she’s been slowly going downhill for so long …’

‘Do you have the letter with you?’ Steele asked, and she nodded and handed it to him.

‘He wants to make contact,’ Linda said. ‘I feel bad for not telling her.’

‘Don’t feel bad,’ Steele said. ‘It could have been an awful shock for her, though now I think it will be very welcome news. Why don’t you go in now and speak with her? Facing it will be hard and I’ll be around if she gets upset but, to be honest, I think it will be a relief.’

He did hang around, but all seemed calm with Macey. He sat at the desk next to Elaine. He could see Macey and her nieces talking earnestly and at one point Macey actually laughed.

‘It’s good to see her laughing,’ Steele said, and turned and smiled at Elaine.

‘Sorry?’

‘Macey,’ Steele explained, then he saw Elaine’s swollen eyes. ‘Are you all right, Elaine?’

‘I am.’ She gave a small shake of her head. ‘I’m worried about my assessment.’

Steele frowned. ‘Elaine, you’re doing really well. I know I’m not a nurse, but I do know how well you look after the patients.’

‘Even if I get my words wrong at times,’ Elaine said, because Abigail had had a small word with her about the muffy thing.

‘Even if you get your words wrong.’ He smiled, and was pleased to see that she did too. ‘Is there anything else on your mind?’

‘No.’ She shook her head and stood up and left him sitting alone.

Steele looked over again at Macey and her nieces and knew it was time for him to take his own medicine.

It was time for him to face things.

When he arrived in Emergency he saw the smudges beneath Candy’s eyes and she was still refusing to meet his gaze.

Direct as ever, Steele asked the question. ‘Are you avoiding me?’

She stood there and went to lie to him, to say of course not, or whatever, but his beautiful eyes demanded the truth so she nodded. ‘Yes.’

‘Can I ask why?’

There was no point in telling him about the pregnancy so she made up an excuse. An excuse that was partly true. ‘I’ve been a bit mixed up about Gerry and I had a big argument with my parents. They’ve realised that I’ve been staying out at night …’

‘Really?’ He looked at her for a long moment. He knew she was lying, knew how she’d fought for her independence and knew too that she wouldn’t give in to them.

‘I think we should just leave things,’ Candy said. ‘I don’t want to upset them.’

‘I don’t believe you,’ he said. ‘While I understand you might need a bit of space after what’s happened to Gerry, I don’t believe that’s it.’ When Candy didn’t respond he pressed on. ‘Do you know, one thing that I’ve really enjoyed about our time together is how honest we have always been. It’s fine if you want to end things, but at least tell me the reason why.’

‘Can we go somewhere private?’ she asked.

‘Sure,’ he said, his voice clipped. ‘My office?’

They walked through the hospital in silence and then onto the geriatric unit and it felt to both of them as if they were walking to the gallows—which they were, for this killed them.

Through the ward they went and to his office at the end, and Macey watched their strained faces as they passed by.

Candy stepped into his office and didn’t take a seat. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be here for very long.

‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on?’ he invited.

‘Not really,’ she said.

‘Okay. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’

‘I’m pregnant,’ Candy said.

For Steele it was the strangest sensation. Ten years ago he had wondered how he might react when the woman he was crazy about told him such news.

Now, ten years on, the woman he was seriously crazy about was telling him such news.

‘With twins,’ she added.

He hadn’t been aware that she’d brought a cricket bat with her when she’d come into the office. Of course Candy hadn’t but it felt like that as she added her little postscript and he was left with one thought, one regretful, sad thought.

They’re not mine.

‘They’re not yours,’ she added, like an echo to his brain, and Steele snapped his response, in his gruff, low voice.

‘I think I’d already established that, thank you.’

Yes, he actually felt as if he’d been knocked on the back of the head because his reactions, his words did not belong to the man he knew he was, yet, concussed by the impact of her news, he continued to speak. ‘What do you want me to say here, Candy?’

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted.

He honestly did not know how to react. Was he supposed to step in and say, That’s fine, darling, I’ll raise his babies? Or, How convenient, Candy, he should perhaps say with a smile, given that I shoot blanks. Or was he supposed to say that it was no big deal?

It was a massive deal.

He should, Steele knew on some level, take her in his arms and tell her that things would work out, that she could get through this.

His arms couldn’t move, though, and his mouth was clamped closed so that no words could come out.

‘I’m going to go,’ she said.

‘Wait.’

‘Why?’ Candy answered. ‘Steele, we agreed to three weeks. We managed two. I was hoping to get through this week without telling you.’

‘But you have.’

‘Because you’re right—we have always been honest. Yes, I’ve been avoiding you. I didn’t want to spoil what we had.’

‘Have you told your parents?’

Candy shook her head.

‘Have you told anyone?’

‘I have now,’ she said, and she looked straight through his eyes and to his heart. ‘I’ve got the hardest part out of the way now.’

And telling Steele was the hardest part. Her parents, Gerry’s parents, all of that she would deal with in time, but this part hurt the most.

‘I’m going to go,’ she said again. ‘If you could drop my case off that would be brilliant. Just leave it at the door.’

She walked out then and he sort of came to and opened his office door and stepped onto the ward. There was Candy, walking out quickly, and he closed his eyes in regret for his lack of response. Then he turned and saw that Macey was watching him.

No, Steele did not smile.

Instead, he walked up to the nurses’ desk. ‘I’m going home,’ he said to Gloria. ‘Page Donald if you need anything.’

CHAPTER ELEVEN

IT WAS A long lonely night for both of them.

Candy woke in her flat and was more tempted than she had ever been in her life to ring in sick this morning. She had a shift on the geriatric ward, her last one. She was desperate to avoid Steele yet she wanted somehow to see him. And to see Macey too and say goodbye.

Then she had two more shifts in Emergency and then she flew to Hawaii.

Alone.

Or rather not alone—she ran a hand over her stomach and felt the edge of her uterus.

She had no idea how she felt about being pregnant.

No idea how to tell her parents or friends or anyone.

Right now, none of it even seemed to matter.

She loved Steele.

It wasn’t like the crushes she’d had on other men, which Candy was rather more used to.

It felt so much deeper than that, like an actual concrete thing that now resided within.

Except the twins resided within also.

Twins?

As he did up his shirt that morning Steele was thinking about them too.

He was also thinking about her words—how telling him had been the hardest part.

He knew how impossible her parents were and he knew telling Gerry’s parents would be supremely difficult.

Yet telling him …

As he did up his tie, he found himself closer to tears than he had been at his marriage break-up. Closer to tears than he had been at his grandmother’s funeral.

In fact, Steele wasn’t even close to tears—he was sitting on the edge of the bath in a serviced apartment, bawling his eyes out, for the fact they were over and the grief that her babies were not his. He’d never cried. Even when he’d found out that he couldn’t have children, Steele hadn’t broken down. He’d been too busy mopping up Annie’s tears. Now, ten years later, he let out what had long been held in. He cried alone.