Come Home, Cowboy

“We don’t want your money.”

She resisted lashing out. The fact was, she did depend on Dos Estrellas for her room and board. The arrangement hadn’t felt one-sided when August was alive. Cara had contributed to the household by running errands, cooking and cleaning so that Raquel could devote herself entirely to August’s care.

Since his death, Cara had poured herself even more into the sanctuary, her contributions at home not needed as much. She supposed it was possible for others, like Josh, to view her as a freeloader. He didn’t see her as part of the family like Raquel and Gabe did. The way August had. They’d taken in her and Javier without a single qualm or hesitation after she and her ex separated. She loved them for it.

“What do you want?” she asked testily.

“If this ranch goes under, you’ll lose the sanctuary.”

“Hmm. Either I lose the sanctuary by giving the land back to you and your brother, or I lose it because the ranch goes under.” Her voice dripped sarcasm. “Let see, which option do I pick?”

Josh’s expression remained hard. “You’d be giving the land to Gabe, too.”

“He doesn’t want it.”

She had Josh there. Gabe was her staunchest supporter. He’d fought his half brothers tooth and nail, insisting she be allowed to continue using the five hundred acres August had granted to her in his will.

“Not yet.” Josh arched one brow. “He may change his mind when we go broke.”

“He’ll sell off some of the cattle first. He’s done it before.”

“Cole and I weren’t here then.”

She tensed. “Are you threatening me?”

“I’m asking you to see reason.”

“Ah.” She nodded. “Your version of reason.”

“Let’s not argue. That’s not why I came here.”

“Why did you?”

“First we finish feeding.” He hoisted a bale from the flatbed trailer.

She started to protest, again, that she didn’t need help. The pain shooting up her arm from her sore hand changed her mind.

They labored side by side for several minutes and were almost done when he asked, in a far more amiable tone, “What got you started rescuing mustangs?”

She considered making an excuse about why she didn’t feel like talking. Instead she said, “The Powells.”

“The family who owns the horse stables up the road?”

She nodded. “We’re friends with them. They rescued Prince a few years ago. He was the last wild mustang in the valley. Up until the 1950s, wild herds continued to roam the mountains. After Prince, the Powells began rescuing other mustangs from all over the state. Ones that were starving or in overpopulated herds or sometimes abused and neglected.”

“But how did you become involved?”

“The Powells needed help, and I had time.”

That was true. It was also true she’d started volunteering after things between her and Manuel had turned bad. Javier was a baby. The Powells hadn’t minded that she brought him along, as they were simply happy for another set of hands. But Josh didn’t need to know that part, and she wasn’t about to tell him.

“When did you acquire the sanctuary and move it here?”

Leave it to Josh to ask the hardest question. “Three years ago. The Powells were running out of room and busy with—” She hesitated, not wanting to say “having babies and raising their children.” That had been an activity Cara and the Powell wives once had in common. “With work,” she finally said. “I started with a few mustangs. Then more. Eventually, they all came.”

That was after her son died. Without the sanctuary, Cara was convinced she’d have gone quietly crazy.

A loud clattering made them turn around. They were met by twenty or so mustangs, their heads hanging over the gate and their tails swishing.

“Looks like the natives are getting restless.” Josh smiled at the horses ready to storm the feeding station and chow down.

Cara would have replied except she couldn’t. Josh’s smile, and the laughter lighting his eyes, literally captivated her. He was so handsome, more rugged than movie-star pretty despite his classic blond hair and blue eyes. Not that she hadn’t noticed his looks before now. But their effects on her were new.

She and Josh didn’t usually stand this close. That must have been the reason. If she moved her hand a mere inch, it would graze his shoulder. She wasn’t tempted. More like curious. It had been a long time since she’d touched a man with anything other than innocent casualness.

Wait. Wait. Wait! This was seven kinds of wrong. Josh Dempsey was the last man about whom she should be entertaining romantic notions. Correction: she should not be entertaining such notions about any man. Her son had died two years ago in an entirely preventable accident. She wasn’t entitled to feel anything but grief and guilt. She might never be entitled.

“Ready?” Josh’s bright smile hadn’t dimmed one small watt.

“Sure.” Cara hesitated, worried her wobbly knees would buckle. “Can, um, you get the gate?”

He spared her the briefest of odd glances before doing as she’d asked. “Stand back,” he called. “Here they come.”

She had only enough time to duck behind the nearest feeder before the horses clambered through the gate and headed straight for the hay, pushing and shoving and nipping at one another in their haste.

The sight was a comical one, and Cara almost laughed. She didn’t, though. Like romantic attraction, happiness wasn’t possible. The mechanism inside her responsible for manufacturing it had broken.

Josh did laugh. The sound, loud and rich and full, caused a pleasant ripple to course through her. She tried to tamp it down and failed.

Suddenly afraid and not sure of what, Cara cut a zigzag path through the horses toward her pickup truck.

“Wait,” Josh called.

She reluctantly stopped. The next instant, he was beside her, and her awareness of him intensified.

“I want to talk to you about one of the horses.” He waited until she met his gaze, which was hard to resist.

She steeled herself. “Which one?”

“The small, homely gelding. What did you call him?”

“Hurry Up.”

“He’d make a great horse for my kids.”

She knew Josh had recently won custody of his children and would soon be bringing them to Mustang Valley. It was something she tried not to think about.

“Please,” he continued. “I haven’t been the best dad before now. It’s a situation I’m determined to change.”

“Kids need more than a pet.”

“I get that. But a love of horses is something I can share with them, teach them about, and I’m not above bribing them.” He added the last part with a guilty grin.

Cara nodded. Speaking was difficult because of the large, painful lump lodged in her throat.

“You mentioned an adoption process. Can we start it? I fly out tomorrow to pick up the kids from their grandparents’ in San Jose.”

Young children. Underfoot. In the way. She wouldn’t be able to escape them and the constant reminder of what might have been if not for that terrible day.

“Look,” he said. “If you won’t let me adopt Hurry Up, maybe I can sponsor him. I’ll pay for his food and care. In exchange, you let me use him for my kids. He can stay in the sanctuary. I won’t move him to the horse stable.”

He was being more than reasonable. To refuse him simply out of spite was unfair to him, his children and the sanctuary, which was always in need of extra money.

“All right, you win,” she said, but it sounded like someone else talking.

Chapter Three

Josh had no idea how much room was needed for two little kids. Eight hundred square feet? Two thousand? The apartment above the horse stable seemed small to him, what with its one bedroom, living room/dining room, kitchen and bath.

Raquel had been kind, offering him use of the apartment and helping him move in. Okay, technically the apartment, along with all of Dos Estrellas, was one-third his. But she had been the matriarch of the ranch for over twenty years, and he didn’t want to appear rude or ungrateful.

“If you ask me...” Raquel let the sentence drop.

“I am.” Josh carried a crib mattress under one arm and a merry-go-round lamp under the other.

The remainder of his kids’ furniture was in the stock trailer parked below, including a youth bed, dresser, changing table and toy chest. There was also a mobile, playpen, stroller, linens, nursery monitor and several dozen boxes yet to be unloaded. After six weeks in storage, everything was dusty and dirty.

“I’d put the crib and youth bed in the bedroom.” Raquel pointed down the short hall. “You could sleep in the living room. The couch converts to a bed.”

Josh expelled a long sigh. This, more than unpacking and cleaning, was exactly the help he needed. “Good idea.”

He’d been spoiled. Living half of the last fourteen years on the road, he’d relied first on his mother, then his ex-wife, then his mother again to keep his home in order.

Maybe Cole was right to doubt his parenting abilities. Josh had a lot of growing up to do, and quickly.

After carrying the crib mattress and lamp to the bedroom, he returned to find Gabe lifting two large boxes. For every load Josh had carried up from the trailer, Gabe had carried one down. In recent years, the apartment had become a dumping place for odds and ends. Raquel was overseeing the clearing out.

“Take this, too.” She added a shoe box to her son’s load, though, from the bulging sides, the box didn’t look to contain shoes.

Gabe peered around the stack in his arms. “Where do I put all this stuff?”

“The spare bedroom for now. I’ll figure out what to do with it later.”

As Josh watched Gabe and Raquel conversing, he was struck with a strange sense of surrealism. He’d often imagined having sole custody of his children, but never living with them in an apartment on his late father’s ranch. Nor had he imagined his half brother and his father’s longtime companion being the ones to help him clean and ready the apartment.

He blinked, but nothing changed. Raquel and Gabe continued to chat in the living room.

“What’s in these, anyway?” Gabe pretended to buckle, as if the boxes were heavy.

His mother smiled. “Old clothes, mostly. From the hall closet.”

“Feels more like bricks.”

Raquel patted Gabe’s arm as she sidled past him into the kitchen. “Be good, mijo.”

She called him the endearment a lot. It was always accompanied by an affectionate touch. The two of them were obviously close.

Josh couldn’t say the same thing about his own mother. She wasn’t affectionate with anyone, not even her family. But then, she wasn’t a happy person. She resented his late father to this day and had attempted to pass that resentment on to her sons. She’d succeeded with Cole, probably because he was younger and didn’t have as many happy memories of his father as Josh did.

Whatever anger Josh felt toward his father had been pushed out, thanks to his ex-wife and her addiction. His heart had only so much room for bitterness and disappointment.

“Hey. How’s it going?” Reese McGraw peeked inside, a smile on her face.

It was hard to tell who brightened more, Gabe or Raquel.

“Come in,” Raquel beckoned to Reese. “Don’t just stand there.”

“Wow, you’ve been busy.” She walked straight to Gabe and, standing on tiptoes, kissed his cheek. “Can I help?”

His eyes roved her face as if committing every detail to memory. “You already have.”

Josh was happy for the two of them. His marriage and that of his parents may have tanked, but that didn’t mean he’d lost faith in the institution. He liked to believe that with the right two people, anything was possible.

Unfortunately, his parents couldn’t have been more wrong for each other. According to his mother, Raquel was the reason his father had left her. Josh had bought the story hook, line and sinker—at first. He’d been eighteen when his grandmother had inadvertently let it slip that his parents’ marriage was in trouble long before his father had met and fallen in love with Raquel.

“The closet’s all yours.”

Raquel’s remark returned Josh to the present. Good. He was weary of traipsing down memory lane and welcomed the interruption. “Thanks.”

“If you don’t need me anymore,” Gabe said, “I’ll see you later.”

“Appreciate the hand,” Josh said.

“Anytime, brother.”

Brother? Another surreal moment. Who’d have guessed he and Gabe would ever act like normal siblings? They’d grown up apart, hating each other for different reasons, the product of their parents’ animosity. Reese was mostly responsible for the changes in Gabe. She’d encouraged him to love and forgive.

Josh and Cole could benefit from some encouragement. They’d made considerable progress these past few months, learning to be a family with Gabe, but they still had a long way to go.

“Bye, Josh.” Reese waved, then hurried behind Gabe, warning him to watch his step.

Raquel sighed with contentment, her hand resting on her heart as she watched the happy couple leave.

“Children are such a blessing,” she said to no one in particular.

“Why didn’t you have more?” Josh should have been heading downstairs. There was a lot left to unload and carry up. Something made him hesitate.

“It wasn’t in God’s plan.” She turned a lovely smile on him.

For a fleeting moment, Josh saw a beautiful young woman, the one who must have captivated his father.

“I was lucky to have Gabe. And Cara.”

“You and her mother were friends?”

“More than friends. Leena was like a sister to me. After her husband died in that terrible car crash, she and Cara stayed with us for a while.”

Josh thought it interesting that he and Cara had both lost their fathers. Though, in her case, a beloved father.

“There was never a question where Cara would live when she and Javier’s father separated,” Raquel continued. “Or that she would remain after Javier’s death.”

“I can see why she’s attached to the place.”

“More than attached. Dos Estrellas is her home.”

If Raquel was trying to make a point, she was succeeding. “I don’t want her to leave,” he said.

“Then why are you trying to take away her purpose?” she asked.

“Is the sanctuary really that important to her?”

Raquel drew herself up as if affronted. “If you have to ask, you can’t possibly understand how she feels.”

“Then help me understand.”

She studied him for a moment, then resumed unpacking a box. “She and Manuel didn’t divorce right away. They saw a marriage counselor twice a week up until Javier died. After that, Cara saw a grief counselor.”

Josh hadn’t heard this part of the story before. “Did Javier die in the apartment?”

“No, no!” Raquel crossed herself. “There is no reason for you to be afraid of living here. You and your children are safe.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“They were at her old house. Manuel stayed there during the separation, and Cara took Javier for a visit. Javier was climbing the shelving unit when he fell and hit his head. He never woke up and died four days later in the hospital.”

“I’m sorry.” Josh couldn’t imagine something so horrible.

“Such a lovely little boy. My pain is nothing compared to Cara’s. I had many wonderful years with your father. Her time with Javier was cut short.”

Josh had been through a lot, between his ex-wife’s addiction, their divorce and bitter custody battle. His two children were alive and healthy, however. He had much to be thankful for.

The closest he’d come to understanding Cara’s loss was when his ex had taken off with the children. Those weeks of not knowing their whereabouts, if they were all right or lying dead on the side of the road, had been unbearable.

“It will be good for us, having children again.” Raquel wiped at her eyes. “I am so excited to meet your little ones.”

Josh was excited to see his kids, too. He’d seen very little of them recently. As much as he’d hated not being with them over the holidays, he knew he’d done the right thing by his former in-laws and his ex.

Josh didn’t hate Trista despite the hell she’d put him through. But he didn’t trust her, either. Running off with the children had been bad. Coming home and finding her in a drug-induced stupor, the children filthy, hungry, crying and neglected, had been too much.

He accepted some of the blame. He’d been gone a lot, competing. That wasn’t going to happen again. He would be the best parent possible, better than he’d been so far. Better than his father had been to him.

“I’m excited,” he admitted. “I’m told Kimberly is almost walking and Nathan can ride a tricycle.”

Raquel’s expression melted. “They sound like angels.”

“Kimberly doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Nathan does. Probably because he spends all day getting into trouble and tires himself out.”

“Just like a boy.”

He pulled out his cell phone. Raquel had asked to see pictures of the kids before, so he didn’t think he’d annoy her by sharing the latest batch his former in-laws had sent.

She gasped with delight. “They’re adorable. You are truly blessed. If you ever need a babysitter, you simply have to ask.”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“If you don’t ask me, I will be hurt.” When he laughed, she insisted, “I am serious.”

He had no doubt of it. “I am fortunate you built this apartment. Not sure what else I would have done or where I would have gone.”

Her smiled dimmed. “Your father and I, we had hoped my parents would stay here during their visits. That is why we built it.”

“They didn’t?”

“No.” She methodically wiped dry the baby bottles she’d just washed. “They preferred the inn in town.”

Josh was admittedly curious and would have asked more questions, but footsteps sounded on the outside stairs. He expected Gabe and Reese might be returning or perhaps Cole, checking out the new digs. Instead, Cara entered the apartment, a look of horror on her face.

“What are you doing?” she demanded.

“Unpacking.” Josh was unsure what to make of her reaction.

“Raquel?” She turned to the other woman, who swallowed guiltily.

“I offered Josh the apartment,” Raquel said. “For his children. I was going to tell you...”

“When?”

“Wait a minute.” Josh stepped between them. “Raquel hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact, she’s been very helpful.”

“That’s right.” Cara directed her anger at him. “You’re one of the owners. If you want to move into the apartment, no one can stop you.”

“Why would you?” Josh genuinely wanted to know. “You aren’t living here now.”

Cara brushed at her damp eyes, then fled the apartment.

“I should have told her.” Raquel tossed aside the dish towel. “I was going to. Then I didn’t.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Josh reiterated.

“She has so many memories of this place. Too many for her to continue living here after Javier died.”

“She had to assume someone would move in eventually.”

“Perhaps she chose not to think about it.”

That was possible, he supposed. Then again, he specifically could be the cause of Cara’s objections.

“I’m going after her,” Raquel announced.

Josh didn’t stop her. Better she speak to Cara than him. Whatever he said was bound to upset Cara, and no amount of wanting to change that would make a difference.

* * *

“IS IT POSSIBLE you overreacted?”

Cara studied her friend Summer Goodwyn, seeing only concern and not criticism in her eyes. “Maybe. A little,” she admitted. “I was surprised. Raquel should have told me. Or Josh. Someone.”

“Josh? Seriously?”

“Okay, not him.”

“He might not have known you used to live in the apartment.”

“I doubt that.”

“You can’t always think the worst of him just because you want to.”

That was the thing about Summer—she didn’t mince words. They’d been friends since after Javier’s death. Cara had joined a support group that met at the Mustang Valley Community Church. Summer belonged to another support group, one for parents of children with special needs.

After talking several times in the hall between groups, they’d gone for coffee. Then, lunch. Eventually, they began meeting up at least once a week. Summer was one of Cara’s biggest supporters, championing the sanctuary and volunteering with fund-raising.

“I wish I’d known,” Cara murmured.

“Would it have made a difference?”

“I’d have been prepared. Not blindsided.”

They stood inside the round pen, the late-afternoon sun warming them on what would otherwise be a chilly day. The ranch was relatively quiet, as most everyone was involved with the semiannual equipment maintenance. Except for Josh. He’d gone to San Jose to retrieve his kids.

Summer’s eight-year-old son, Teddy, was in the pen along with Cara, Summer and Hurry Up. The boy usually loved animals. For some unknown reason, he hadn’t taken to the gentle horse.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Summer said, her gaze straying to Teddy, whose autism often caused him to behave unpredictably. “Someone moving into the apartment. It’s been like a tomb these last two years.”

The words hurt, but that didn’t change the fact Summer was right. Cara had no claim to the apartment simply because she’d lived there for six months with Javier.

In many ways, those were the worst months of her life. The separation from Manuel. Their constant fighting. The lonely nights. And in some ways, they were the best months. Whoever said children were at their worst during their twos hadn’t met Javier. He’d been a delight. The absolute light of her life.

Cara took a deep breath. “Having someone live in the apartment won’t make me suddenly stop grieving.”

“I didn’t say it would.” Summer put an arm around Cara’s shoulders. “We can’t halt time. We can only move forward.”

Cara sniffed and bit down, her emotions dangerously close to the surface.

An odd strangled sound spurred Summer into action. Teddy crouched on the ground, his back pressed against the round pen railing. He stared wide-eyed as if confronted by demons.

“Teddy! It’s okay.” Summer knelt in front of him and tried to get him to look at her by putting her face directly in his line of vision. She didn’t touch him, however. Teddy didn’t like to be touched, especially when he was agitated. “It’s all right, baby. The horse won’t hurt you.”

Teddy continued to stare at Hurry Up, who stood placidly by the gate, his nose to the ground, his breath blowing dust into the air and not the least bit interested in any of the humans.

“Garh, garh.” Teddy waved an angry hand at Hurry Up in an attempt to shoo the horse away.

Cara unlatched the gate. “I’ll get Hurry Up.”

Whatever the horse had done—looked directly at Teddy, nuzzled his arm, snorted, swished his tail—had set the boy off. Best to just return Hurry Up to his stall.

Experiment a total failure, Cara thought as she led Hurry Up to the horse stable. Before she would agree to let Josh have the horse—make that sponsor the horse—she’d decided to see if Teddy wanted him. Obviously, he didn’t.

Teddy’s screeching reached Cara’s ears even at this distance. She felt terrible for her friend. At the same time, she envied Summer. Her son was alive.

With Hurry Up happily munching on an oat and bran mixture, Cara sought out Summer and Teddy. They were at Summer’s car, parked in front of the stable. Teddy sat in the rear seat, a quilt thrown over him and covering his face. Summer crouched inside the open car door, softly reciting a nursery rhyme.

Cara had seen this before. The weight of the quilt and the darkness, along with the sound of Summer’s voice, calmed Teddy. After a few moments, he stopped struggling and quieted. Summer slowly stood, strain showing on her face.

“Sorry about that.”

Cara dismissed her with a wave. “As if you have anything to apologize for.”

“He’ll be okay now.”