A Baby Of His Own

The fact that he could even consider the move to Boston as something to regret stunned him, so that it was a moment before he realised that Sandra was looking expectantly at him. Although he hated to admit that he hadn’t heard a word she’d said, he didn’t have a choice.

‘Sorry. I was miles away. It must be the jet-lag. I only arrived last night and I’m still catching up with the time difference. Can you tell me all that again?’

‘Of course!’

Sandra smiled forgivingly, making it clear that she would happily repeat the information any number of times he wanted her to. Connor wasn’t about to slip up again, however. He listened attentively as she explained that Theatre had just phoned to say they had a problem with a seven-year-old they’d been operating on. Sophie Fisher had been undergoing a routine tonsillectomy when she’d suffered an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic, which had caused her heart to stop. The anaesthetist had managed to restart her heart but she would need careful monitoring for the first twenty-four hours or so.

‘Is there a high-dependency bed available?’ he asked when Sandra had finished. Opening the paediatric high-dependency unit had been a major coup for his predecessor. High-dependency beds bridged the gap between nursing on a ward and in the intensive care unit—they were invaluable in a case like this where a patient needed extra care.

‘They’re all free,’ Sandra admitted. ‘We had to close the unit at the beginning of May because we didn’t have enough staff to cover it.’

‘Are you saying that there’s been no high-dependency paediatric beds available for over two months?’ he exclaimed incredulously.

‘Yes. Oh, they’ve advertised the posts several times, but I’m not sure if they’ve found anyone suitable yet. Maybe Lucy will know. Here she is now, you can ask her.’

Connor glanced round and saw Lucy coming along the corridor. He beckoned her over, pretending not to notice the strain on her face. Even though he was furious about the way she’d cut him out of his daughter’s life, it upset him to see her looking so worried.

‘We’ve a seven-year-old girl who needs a high-dependency bed,’ he explained crisply, determined not to let his feelings show. ‘Sandra has just informed me that the unit is closed.’

‘That’s right. The staff who were working there have been moved to ICU. Apparently, there were vacancies there as well so the management decided to close the unit and save on resources.’

‘That’s something I need to sort out,’ he said grimly. ‘However, it doesn’t solve our current problem. How long will it take to prepare a bed in the unit?’

‘Not very long. Everything is still in place so it’s just a matter of making up a bed and plugging in the equipment. However, there’s just three of us on today and Sandra will be going off duty soon. I’m the only one who’s done the extra training needed to work in the high-dependency unit and I can’t leave the ward.’

‘I understand that, but what if I find another nurse to cover the unit? Could you manage then?’

‘Yes, of course, although I don’t know where you’re going to find anyone. There’s nobody available in ICU—I’ve already asked them.’

She shrugged, her brown eyes meeting his for a second before they skittered away. Connor suddenly wished with all his heart that things had turned out differently. If he’d stayed in Dalverston, he and Lucy would never have been at loggerheads like this, he thought sadly.

Once again the fact that he regretted what had been an excellent career move startled him. His career had always been the most important thing in his life and to experience these doubts was deeply unsettling. He turned away, not wanting her to see how vulnerable he felt all of a sudden.

‘Sandra, can you get back on to Theatre and tell them to send the patient up as soon as they’re happy to move her?’ He went to the desk and picked up the phone, glancing at Lucy over his shoulder. ‘And can you get everything ready? The child’s stable at the moment but there’s always a chance that she might suffer a second cardiac arrest and we need to be prepared for it.’

‘But I’ve just explained that we don’t have enough staff to man the high-dependency unit as well as the ward.’

‘And I’ve just told you that I’ll find you another nurse,’ Connor said shortly, keying in the code for an outside line.

‘If you can find an experienced critical care nurse in Dalverston then you must be able to work miracles,’ she said scathingly. ‘None of the nursing agencies has anyone suitable on their books. I know that for a fact because Mark Dawson told me that he contacted them when he found out the unit was being closed down.’

‘I’m not contacting an agency.’ He keyed in another string of digits, wondering why it hurt to know how little faith she had in him. He’d never needed anyone’s approbation before—he’d taught himself to be totally self-sufficient—yet he’d have been lying if he’d claimed that he didn’t care how Lucy felt about him.

The thought worried him so much that his tone was brusquer than it might otherwise have been. ‘A friend of mine from Boston travelled over here with me. She worked in a high-dependency unit so she knows the drill. She qualified in England so there won’t be a problem with her nursing credentials either. I’m sure she’ll be willing to help if I ask her.’

‘I see. I’ll leave you to make the arrangements, then.’

Lucy spun round before he could say anything else. Connor frowned as he watched her disappear into the side room that housed the high-dependency beds. She was obviously upset, although he had no idea why. Surely she should be pleased that he’d found a solution to their problem?

His breath caught as a thought struck him. Was it possible that Lucy was jealous? Dee was just a friend and she had her own reasons for coming back to England, but Lucy didn’t know that. She probably assumed that Dee was his current girlfriend and that they’d decided to move back here together. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a need to set the record straight, but before he could act on it, Dee answered the phone.

He quickly explained his predicament and, as he’d expected, Dee immediately offered to help. He thanked her and hung up but then he had to clear it with the nursing officer and that caused another delay. By the time everything was arranged, the patient had arrived so once again there was no time to speak to Lucy.

The anaesthetist had brought the girl upstairs himself so they ran through her case notes together. Connor could tell the other man was worried in case any blame might be attached to him, but his notes showed that nothing had happened while Sophie had been in Theatre to have caused her to arrest. It had been a tragic accident caused by an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic agents used during the operation, and he told the anaesthetist that and sent him on his way.

Lucy had the child linked up to the monitoring equipment by the time he went to check on her. She was sedated and connected to a ventilator. Her blood pressure, heart rate and rhythm and oxygen levels were all being monitored. Body fluids and blood-sugar levels were being maintained by intravenous infusions of salts and glucose. Urine was being collected via a catheter and nutrients supplied intravenously. Connor knew that everything possible was being done for the child but as he looked at her pale little face, he was suddenly beset by a pain so intense that he winced.

How would he feel if it was his daughter lying in that bed? It didn’t bear thinking about, but it did prove that he’d been right to come back to England. It had been a shock when he’d worked out that Lucy’s baby must be his child, too, but he’d known from the outset what he’d had to do.

Isabel was going to grow up knowing that she had a father who loved her. He knew how it felt to be unwanted and wouldn’t allow the same thing to happen to his child. He intended to be a proper father to Isabel, not some shadowy figure who drifted in and out of her life, and if Lucy didn’t like the idea, it was tough.

He glanced across at Lucy and felt his heart spasm again. He really and truly didn’t want to fight with her. Leaving Lucy had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, although he doubted if she would believe him if he told her that. It was his own fault because he’d gone to great lengths to ensure that she’d known they hadn’t had a future together.

Now the situation had changed, but it wasn’t going be easy to persuade her to let him back into her life. It was obvious how she felt about him but he had to find a way to convince her that he didn’t mean her or Isabel any harm. He certainly wasn’t hoping to rekindle their affair if that was what was worrying her! That was over and done with, although he’d be lying if he claimed that he hadn’t thought about her while he’d been in America. There’d been far too many nights, in fact, when he had lain awake, thinking about her. Of all the women he’d ever dated, Lucy was the one who’d touched him most, the one for whom he might have considered abandoning his dreams.

‘Sophie Fisher is still giving us cause for concern. Connor has tried her on various drugs but she’s not responding as well as he’d hoped she would.’

Lucy handed over the patient’s chart to Bea Francis, the night sister, hoping the other woman hadn’t noticed the way her voice had quavered when she’d mentioned Connor’s name. She took a deep breath to iron out the bumps before continuing.

‘She’s still showing signs of arrhythmia so he wants the situation monitored overnight. If things haven’t settled down by the morning, he’ll decide then whether to try cardioversion.’

‘It might be the only option,’ Bea agreed, glancing at the chart. She set it aside and grinned at Lucy. ‘OK, so what’s the gen on Connor, then? I was stunned when Mel told me that he was our new boss. Why has he decided to come back to Dalverston?’

‘I’ve no idea.’ Lucy shrugged. She didn’t want Bea to think she was the least bit bothered by Connor’s return. ‘Maybe he missed the British weather.’

‘You must be joking!’

Bea stared pointedly out of the office window. Despite the fact that it was the middle of July, it was pouring down outside and it had been doing so for a while now. Flood warnings had been posted in the town and the houses closest to the river had been surrounded by a wall of sandbags. It certainly hadn’t been the best reason Lucy could have come up with to explain Connor’s return but what else could she have said? That he’d come back to claim his daughter?

A spasm ran through her and she rushed on, not wanting to think about how angry he’d been with her. ‘I’m sure he must have his reasons for coming back, but who knows what they are?’

‘Think they have anything to do with that nurse he’s brought in to help?’ Bea looked expectantly at her. ‘Mel told me they used to work together in Boston. Maybe she wanted to come back to England and Connor decided he couldn’t bear to lose her so came back as well.’

‘It’s one theory,’ Lucy conceded, although she doubted it was true. Oh, she didn’t dispute that Connor and Dee might be having a relationship—how could she when everything pointed towards it? However, it seemed far more likely that Dee had been the one to follow Connor back to England. She couldn’t imagine him going anywhere at someone else’s behest. Whatever Connor wanted always came first, and other people were expected to fall in with his wishes.

The thought was more than a little scary in the circumstances so she decided it was time to cut short the conversation. ‘That’s just about everything now so I’ll be off. Have a good night.’

‘I’ll try.’ Bea smiled sympathetically as Lucy hurried to the door. ‘I expect you’re anxious to see Isabel. I remember how much I hated leaving my kids when they were little, but needs must. And at least you were able to get her into the hospital’s crèche. That must have made life a bit easier.’

‘It was a godsend, them opening it just before I was due to return to work,’ Lucy agreed. ‘I don’t know how I’d have managed if I’d had to take Izzy to a childminder before I came into work this morning. It’s amazing how much stuff one small baby needs!’

‘It doesn’t get any better when they’re teenagers,’ Bea retorted. ‘The essentials just get bigger and more expensive!’

‘Thanks! That’s really cheered me up.’

Lucy was still laughing when she left the office. She hurried along the corridor, bypassing the nursing station and waving when she saw a couple of members of the night staff behind the desk. She knew that if she stopped to speak to them it would hold her up, and she was anxious to collect Izzy and take her home.

The newly opened staff crèche was in the old part of the building and had taken over the former site of the physiotherapy department. Lucy went straight there but there were still a lot of people ahead of her when she arrived, and she had to queue up to sign in. She’d almost reached the front of the queue when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned round and her heart leapt when she found Connor standing behind her.

‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded, not making any attempt to hide her displeasure.

‘What do you think?’ He smiled thinly. ‘I thought now would be as good a time as any to meet my daughter.’

‘Sh! Keep your voice down,’ Lucy admonished, frantically looking over his shoulder. Fortunately the woman behind them in the queue was talking to her friend and didn’t appear to have heard what he’d said. Nevertheless, she was furious with him for being so indiscreet.

‘People are going to find out at some point,’ he stated coolly. ‘Maybe you would prefer to keep quiet about me being Isabel’s father but I have no intention of lying.’

‘It isn’t up to you, though, Connor. It’s my decision what I choose to tell people. And if I prefer not to tell them about you, that’s what will happen.’

‘Meaning that I don’t have a choice in the matter?’ He shook his head. ‘Sorry, Lucy, but it isn’t up to you to make that decision on your own. It’s something we need to discuss, along with a lot of other things concerning our daughter.’

‘What other things?’

‘All sorts of things, and far too many to list at the moment if you don’t want anyone overhearing.’

His tone was flat yet she sensed a certain tension about him, which surprised her. It was unlike Connor to display his feelings. He’d always been very cool and contained, keeping his emotions in check—apart from when they’d been sharing their most intimate moments, of course.

The memory of their love-making brought a rush of heat to her cheeks and she turned away, busying herself with signing her name in the visitors’ book. Security was tight and only parents or people designated by a parent were allowed inside the crèche. She moved away from the desk, then paused. If Connor tried to follow her, he would have problems getting in. Even though she hated the thought of him meeting Izzy, she didn’t want to run the risk of him causing a scene.

‘Dr Mackenzie is with me,’ she informed the nursery nurse who was standing guard at the door. ‘Is it all right if he comes in with me?’

‘So long as he signs the book,’ the girl agreed. ‘Shall I add him to the list of people authorised to see Izzy?’

‘No,’ Lucy said quickly.

‘Yes.’ Connor signed his name, ignoring the furious look she shot at him. He treated the girl to one of his most captivating smiles. ‘If it isn’t too much trouble.’

‘Of course not!’ The young nursery nurse beamed at him. ‘Just fill in this card with your contact details and hand it back to me on your way out. I’ll do the rest.’

‘Thanks.’ Connor pocketed the card then slid his hand under Lucy’s elbow and steered her away from the desk. He shook his head when she opened her mouth to protest. ‘Save it till later. I don’t want Izzy getting upset because she’s seen us fighting.’

Lucy’s lips clamped together. She couldn’t argue with that sentiment, but she resented his high-handed attitude and intended to tell him that as soon as she got the chance.

She shrugged off his hand as they entered the main section of the crèche, which had once housed the physiotherapy department’s gymnasium. It had been transformed into an attractive play area now, complete with a large plastic slide and shelves full of toys. A separate room had been set aside for the babies so she went straight there, her face breaking into a smile when she saw Izzy sitting on a rug in the corner. The little girl was happily beating a plastic saucepan with a wooden spoon and Lucy felt a rush of love assail her as she knelt down beside her.

‘Hello, darling. Are you having a lovely time?’

Izzy immediately dropped the spoon and held out her arms to be picked up. Lucy lifted her into the air and blew a raspberry on her tummy, feeling her eyes fill with tears as she inhaled the familiar scent of baby powder. Today had been the first time they’d been apart since Izzy had been born and she had missed her so much.

‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’

She looked round when Connor spoke and maybe it was because she was already feeling so emotional that a lump came to her throat when she saw the expression on his face. He was staring at Izzy with such wonderment that the coldest heart would have melted.

All of a sudden she felt ashamed of her decision to keep Izzy’s existence a secret from him. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do but it no longer felt that way. And yet if she accepted Connor’s role in her daughter’s life, she would have to accept him as part of her life, too. Could she cope with being around him on that basis? Or would the strain prove too much?

Her heart began to race but there was no way that she could avoid the truth any longer. She still loved Connor, even though she knew that he had never really loved her.

CHAPTER THREE

‘HELLO, Izzy.’

Connor could barely speak for the wealth of emotions that had hit him the moment he’d seen the child. It was strange because he’d never imagined he would experience such an intense reaction. He’d expected to feel something akin to what he felt for the children he treated—he wanted to care for them and make then better—but this was so much more. He couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away from her as he crouched down beside her and took stock of every tiny detail.

She had dark hair just like his, he realised in amazement. And huge green eyes, also like his. The rest of her features were exactly like Lucy’s, from the delicately arched brows to the sweet little rosebud mouth. He was suddenly struck by the sheer wonder of what they’d done by creating this tiny human being. Izzy had inherited bits of him and bits of Lucy, and the thought that their love-making had resulted in something so perfect shook him to the very core of his being. And yet, was it really so surprising?

His gaze moved to Lucy and pain gripped him as the memories came rushing back. Making love with Lucy had always been a magical experience. He’d had his share of relationships before they’d met, but what he’d felt for her had been far more profound than anything he had experienced before.

It was the reason why he’d taken the job in Boston, in fact. He had always planned on spending another year in Dalverston but he’d realised that he had been getting too involved with her and had been afraid that his career would suffer because of it. Moving to Boston had been the sensible thing to do, yet all of a sudden he found himself wondering if there were more important things than a career—like people to love and who would love him in return. Surely they mattered far more than a job?

Connor took a deep breath. It was only natural that he should feel unsettled, but he mustn’t allow it to throw him off course. He tickled Izzy’s hand and laughed when she immediately grabbed hold of his fingers. ‘She doesn’t seem worried about having a stranger touching her.’

‘She’s not reached the clingy stage yet,’ Lucy replied coldly, and he sighed. It was obvious from her tone that she was still angry with him.

‘Something to look forward to,’ he said lightly. He didn’t want her to think that it bothered him to be persona non grata in her eyes.

The thought touched an already sensitive nerve and he stood up. He’d spent far too much of his childhood feeling like an outsider to enjoy re-enacting the experience. Lucy started to get up as well and he automatically offered her his hand but she ignored him as she settled the baby onto her hip.

Connor forbore to say anything as he followed her from the room. If there were battles to be fought, he would save his energy until it was needed. However, she didn’t know him very well if she thought that he would back down in the face of her continued hostility.

The same nursery nurse was on duty at the door and he groaned when he remembered the registration card.

‘I’ve forgotten to fill in that card you gave me. Can I let you have it the next time I come?’ he offered, pausing by the reception desk. Lucy didn’t stop to wait for him and he saw the young woman frown as she watched her hurrying away.

‘Yes, if Miss Adams is with you to authorise it,’ she agreed, guardedly. ‘We have a strict rule that either a parent or a guardian must be present whenever anyone’s name is added to the register. It saves any confusion about who can and can’t remove a child from the crèche.’

‘I understand,’ he said grimly because he didn’t like being made to feel as though he was doing something wrong by wanting to see his own daughter.

He left the crèche and followed Lucy across the foyer, finally catching up with her as she was about to leave the building. It was pouring down with rain and he could see the problem she was having, trying to open her umbrella while holding onto Izzy.

‘Here, let me hold her while you do that,’ he offered, reaching out to take the baby from her.

‘I can manage,’ she snapped, moving Izzy out of his reach.

Connor swore under his breath. He was fast reaching the end of his patience. ‘I was only offering to hold her. I wasn’t trying to abduct her, although it might not be such a bad idea. The poor kid will be a nervous wreck if you react like that every time I go near her.’

‘Then maybe you should leave us alone.’ She’d finally managed to open the umbrella and she glared at him as she moved off the step. ‘Izzy and I don’t need your help. We can manage perfectly well on our own.’

‘You really think so?’ He followed her across the car park, his mood not improved by the fact that he was getting soaked. The temperature in Boston had been in the high eighties when he’d left so he’d never thought to pack a raincoat. It was with the rest of his belongings that were waiting to be shipped over to England. ‘You honestly think you can be both a mother and a father to her, do you?’

‘Yes!’ She glared at him as she stopped beside an elderly Ford Fiesta and unlocked the door. ‘So if you came here full of noble intentions about taking care of us, you can forget them, Connor. I don’t want you interfering in Izzy’s life. I’m perfectly capable of looking after her all by myself!’

‘Maybe you are, but what you want isn’t the issue,’ he replied tersely, wondering how they’d reached this point so quickly. Even though he’d been furious with her for cutting him out of his daughter’s life, he’d sworn he would handle the situation calmly and with diplomacy. However, all his good intentions had disappeared when he’d heard her making those less-than-flattering remarks about him earlier in the day.

‘It’s what’s best for Izzy that matters, not your feelings or mine. She’s the important one in all of this, the one who stands to get hurt if you refuse to see sense.’ There was a definite bite in his voice now. It was galling to realise that he’d been upset by what she’d said. He’d always believed that he was inured against other people’s opinions, but Lucy’s opinion of him seemed to matter an awful lot.

‘It’s Izzy I’m thinking about,’ she retorted, bending down to strap the baby into the car seat and obviously forgetting that she still had hold of the umbrella.