No Wife Required!

“Hello.” The cashier grinned at her. “You’re looking mighty fine tonight.” The college freshman had been trying to get a date with her for the last year.

“How are you, Roger?”

“Better now that you’ve shown up,” he said as he bagged her groceries. “I’ve got two fifty-yard-line tickets to the game Saturday afternoon. How about it?”

“Roger—I was playing football with the kids on the block before you were born. Try asking a girl your own age.”

“Girls my own age don’t interest me.”

“How many times have I told you that I make it a habit not to date a boy young enough to be my little brother? Have a good evening.”

She paid for her groceries and left, all the while conscious that Max had heard every word of their conversation. At least now he knew she was a regular customer at this store and couldn’t accuse her of following him.

“You were pretty rough on Roger, weren’t you?” came the distinctive sound of his voice directly behind her. “Boys his age have fragile egos.”

Lacey swung around in the middle of the crowded parking lot. “His is about as fragile as concrete. He may look innocent, but he picks up desperate older women on a regular basis.”

“That’s because he’s terrified of girls his own age. Think about that and let him down a little more gently next time. Whoever hurt you did a fairly thorough job of it. You’ve left a couple of bleeding victims in your wake and the night’s not even over yet.”

A couple of bleeding victims, she grumbled silently as she wheeled away from him and found her car. A man who refused to be honest about his marital status wasn’t capable of being a victim and definitely didn’t deserve the time she spent thinking about him....

CHAPTER THREE

“COME on. It’s late and I’ve a full day’s work tomorrow. Let’s go.”

Lacey bundled George in a quilt like a baby and headed home from the park across the street from the condo. She tossed the sack which had contained his dinner into the garbage can on the way.

After having watched him eat greens, the thought of a steak dinner with Max Jarvis sounded more and more enticing. But he’d probably never call her now.

It had been a couple of hours since she’d walked away from him in the supermarket parking lot. If by some miracle he did try to phone her, she would ask him politely if he were married. No sense wondering about the hotshot from California with the hot blue eyes if he belonged to someone else, if not in spirit and body, on paper. No more Perrys in her life. Not ever!

Once again exhausted, Lacey put George to bed in his basket, then slid beneath the covers of her own bed as soon as they returned to the condo. She didn’t know anything else till the phone rang the next day around ten. George had been playing with his hoop at the side of her bed and handed her the receiver.

She patted his head and said hello.

“Hi, Lacey. It’s Lorraine.”

“Hi! How are you? What does the doctor say?”

“That’s why I’m calling. He’s given me a new medication he hopes will work. He doesn’t think I’m allergic to George after all. But he does think the shampoo I’ve been using may be the culprit. Can you believe it? It’s the same shampoo I use to bathe George.” She named the brand.

“That’s what I use,” Lacey murmured, “but it hasn’t made me break out in a rash or hives or anything.”

“Well, it’s only a theory, but I hope he’s right. Listen. I’m going to come over right now and get George, keep him for the weekend. You haven’t bathed him yet, have you?”

“No. Sometimes I let him play in the plastic tub you brought over. But I haven’t let him use the shampoo. The only soap he has touched is that liquid stuff. What do you think?”

“Good. The doctor wanted to be sure he hadn’t been near my shampoo for at least a week.”

“You’re taking him for the whole weekend?”

“What’s the matter? Do I detect a note of relief in your voice?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Lorraine. He’s wonderful and perfectly behaved, but I’m beginning to understand why new mothers always look so harried and exhausted.”

Lorraine chuckled. “It’s a huge responsibility. I take it you’ve decided not to volunteer as a foster parent to another monkey.”

“I don’t think so. He needs a home with lots of room and a backyard where he can play. Every time I get down to work on someone’s accounts, he wants to help. I end up playing with him and accomplish nothing.

“But I wouldn’t have missed the experience for the world. Someone other-abled will adore him because he’s so loving and good. I had no idea how much he craves companionship.”

“He’s just like the rest of us. Lacey—you’re a friend in a million. I’m confident that I’ll have George home with me permanently a week from Tuesday. When’s Valerie due back?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe a month. Maybe less.”

“I’ll help you find a new place when the time comes to move. Has George missed me?”

“I’ll say. But I think he’s had a pretty good time with me.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. You’ve spoiled him rotten, I just know it. I can’t wait to see him. Which reminds me. You know that guy on the radio you can’t stand? Max Jarvis?”

“Yes?”

“I think he called my house by mistake a few minutes ago.”

Lacey sat up in bed, instantly alert. “He called?”

“Yes. He said, ‘Hi, Lorraine. This is Max.’ And I said, ‘Max who?’ and he said, ‘Max Jarvis. How many other men do you know named Max?’ And I said I didn’t know any. That’s when he got a little testy and asked me if my phone number was the same number he read out loud, and I said yes.

“So he started over and said he was trying to reach someone named Lorraine but he didn’t know her last name. I told him my name was Lorraine Walker. He said I was the wrong Lorraine because my voice wasn’t husky enough. Then he hung up. He was really riled. Don’t you think that’s funny? Max Jarvis of all people?”

Lacey closed her eyes. “That’s really funny, Lorraine.” How could she have been so stupid? When the producer at the radio station asked for her name and phone number, she gave him Lorraine’s. But she’d forgotten to tell Lorraine.

“Lacey? Are you there?”

“Yes. It’s a long story. Come on over and I’ll explain everything, but for heaven’s sake, if Max Jarvis should call again, tell him the Lorraine he is looking for can be reached at my number.”

The news that he had tried to get in touch gave Lacey a brand new reason to greet the day. She sailed through her chores and had George ready to go when Lorraine arrived.

After hearing the story, Lorraine agreed that Lacey needed to determine Max’s marital status before any more time went by. Perry had done too much damage for her to take any chances.

Much as she enjoyed George, Lacey found it liberating to have the condo to herself. She worked nonstop through the dinner hour on her clients’ accounts. When Greg, a close family friend from childhood, knocked on the door, then let himself in with a key, she was still doing figures.

“What do you mean you don’t want to see A Majority of One?” he barked a few minutes later. “It’s your favorite movie of all time.”

“I know,” Lacey sighed.

“And we don’t have to hurry home to George. He’s gone for two whole days and nights.”

“I know.”

“So, what do you want to do? We could still make the last few plays of the Utah-Wyoming game.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk. I’ve met this man, but I don’t want anything to do with him if he’s married.”

Greg rubbed his chin pensively. “Why can’t you just ask him the next time he calls?”

She took a deep breath. “Because he doesn’t know my real name or my number.”

“That could be a problem,” he muttered. “Why don’t we stop being cryptic. Who is it? Another slick attorney like Perry?”

“Actually, it’s Max Jarvis.”

“The hotshot from California? The one you can’t stand? It happened awfully fast, didn’t it? Or maybe being on the air sort of went to your head.”

She had to admit it had been pretty exciting to tangle with Max in front of thousands of listeners. In fact she couldn’t remember a time when she’d been more stimulated. Except of course when she thought about tangling with him without an audience, which had little to do with words and more to do with—

“Take my advice and find a man with a real job.”

She had no comeback to that. In fact she’d been guilty of thinking the same thing the first time she’d heard The Voice.

Out of the window she spotted a lighted ‘U’ on the mountain. It was too late to drive to the stadium. The Utes had won the football game. “Maybe I’ll call in on the air and put the question to him one more time. He can’t very well evade me without his whole listening audience giving him a hard time.”

“You’re really gone on him.” Greg didn’t sound in the least happy about it.

“Let’s just say I’m interested. He asked me out.”

“When did all this happen?”

“After the show.”

“I don’t like it, Lacey.”

“You sound just like Nester when he’s trying to come on like my father.”

“You need watching. I told Valerie I’d keep an eye on you.”

“That’s funny. I told her I’d make sure you got back together with Annette. What you two need to do is start having fun together again.”

“Annette and I don’t have fun. We fight.”

“Then think up something wild and surprise her. For our first date—that is, if we get that far—I’m going to ask Max to take a scuba diving class with me. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. But coming from California, he probably already knows how and is terrific at it.”

Greg scowled. “How come you never asked me to do that?”

“Because that’s the sort of thing you should do with Annette. Why don’t you call her while I turn on the radio?”

She hurried into the kitchen for her Walkman and came back to the living room wearing her earphones. Greg had buried his head in the newspaper.

“...All you Radio Talk listeners. As you know, once a week, this hour is devoted to the outrage of the week. I’m Max Jarvis filling in tonight for Lon Freeman, who’s ill.

“I hope I won’t be offending you when I tell you that of all the states in the U.S., including the foreign countries where I’ve driven, Utah stands alone in its insistence to pass in the right-hand lane. The law states that faster traffic should pass on the left, but you Utahns act as if you’ve never heard of that law. I wonder if some of you would call in and tell me why this phenomenon only occurs in Utah?

“When I came here from California, it was a little like Alice in Through the Looking Glass. Everything was just a little different Your highway sense is unique. My producer is letting me know the calls are stacking up. Let’s go to our local phone line first and talk to Mavis.”

“Hi, Max.”

“Hi, Mavis. What’s your outrage this evening?”

“You won’t remember my husband Joe who died two years ago, but he felt exactly the same way you do. He used to drive—”

Lacey removed the earphones and reached for the cordless phone. She knew Radio Talk’s number by heart and punched the digits.

“Hi. This is Rob Clark. You want to go on the air with Max Jarvis?”

“Yes.”

“What’s your name?”

“Lorraine.”

“Hey—Lorraine. Hi. It’s me.”

“I know.”

“How do you like the lotion?”

Rob had just given her a legitimate reason to call in. “I thought I’d say something about it over the air.”

“Uh-oh. Okay. You’ll be on after Mavis.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure thing.”

Suddenly she could hear Max’s conversation with Mavis and waited until he switched over to her. The thought of talking to him made her heart leap into her throat.

“He would have liked your show, Max. Keep up the good work. I’ll hang up now.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence, Mavis. Perhaps before the night is out we’ll have some answers. Let’s go to our other local line.

“Well, well. My producer says it’s Lorraine, our talk show celebrity from last week. How are you, Lorraine?”

She couldn’t tell if he was happy to hear from her or not.

“I’m fine, Mr. Jarvis,” she answered nervously, trying to ignore Greg’s speaking glance.

“You’re on the air. Can you talk a little louder.”

She cleared her throat. “Yes. This is open forum, isn’t it? We can talk about anything?”

“Absolutely.” The adrenaline started to flow. “But first, give us your outrage.”

My outrage. How perfect.

“Well—you never talk about your wife and family. Does that mean you’re not married?”

There was a slight hesitation before he asked, “That’s your outrage?”

“Yes.”

“Since this is the second time you’ve asked me that question over the air, I tell you what. If you’ll call Rob on the business line and leave your full name and number, I’ll be happy to call you personally and answer your question. Does that sound fair?”

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