The Baby Chronicles

“What do you mean you’ve approved them?” She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “I haven’t even seen the pictures submitted yet.”

He stepped closer still, bringing his unique clean-air and fresh-water scent with him. “Joe e-mailed them to me this morning, and I chose the four babies I wanted.”

Annoyance rolled through her. Struggling to maintain her equilibrium, she backed up out of his scent’s reach and hit the counter with her back. Aiden had had final say-so on the babies. Apparently he’d been put in charge of the content of the layout. “Well, if you’re in charge, choose one more,” she blithely demanded, trying not to breathe in his smell, scrambling for her much-needed control.

“Can’t.” He checked his watch. “I’ve designed a layout around four babies. Five will mess it up.”

Okay, Aiden was in the driver’s seat, and after she’d treated him so badly today, there was no way he was going to help her out. He’d probably drive her right off the road.

Quelling the tide of hot frustration burning a hole in her chest—she hated standing meekly by, letting him call the shots—she sidestepped away from him, trailing her hand along the messy counter for support, needing space to think clearly. Chewing on her lip, she stalled, scrambling to come up with a way to get what she wanted.

“Of course,” he said, his voice as smooth as silk, “we could cut a deal.”

She snapped her eyebrows together and slowly turned to look at him. “What kind of deal?”

He very casually lifted a broad shoulder. “I give you what you want and you give me what I want.” He smiled, flashing even, white teeth, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Simple.”

“Simple, my foot.” He was coldheartedly manipulating her. “What do you want?” she asked, even though she already had a pretty good idea.

“Your promise that you’ll find a way to work with me.” He stalked closer, pinning her in place with his piercing eyes. He placed his large hand so close to hers on the counter his pinkie touched her finger. “Think you could manage to do that, Colly?”

His slight touch sent sparks shooting up her arm and his use of his old nickname for her almost buckled her knees. No one else had ever called her that. Her parents, who she hadn’t seen in years, had barely been able to remember her real name.

Not that he meant anything by it. He was simply trying to throw her off balance to get what he wanted, darn him. “Hauling out the heavy artillery, huh?” She smiled tightly, moving her hand away from his.

“Whatever it takes to make sure you and I can do this together to produce a fantastic piece.” He looked away, but not before she saw a flash of pain in his eyes. “All I care about is taking pictures of babies.”

Shoving aside her interest in the glimmer of pain she’d seen in his eyes, she asked, “You sure it isn’t more than that?”

He gave her a slight frown. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve always liked to pick me apart. Maybe this is nothing more than your morbid curiosity at work.” He’d always wanted more than she could give, wanted to “fix” things so everything would turn out the way he wanted. But that task had been futile. She’d known from the get-go that she’d never be the traditional fall-in-love-and-get-married-and-have-babies woman he’d wanted eight years ago.

Knowing that, she should have walked away the moment they’d met instead of letting their chemistry keep them together long enough for him to care. To make matters worse, she’d had panic attacks the moment the M-word had come up, not to mention how far and fast she’d run when he’d actually proposed.

He let out a heavy breath and held up a rigid hand. “No way. I have no reason to be curious about you. And for the record, I never tried to pick you apart.” He looked away, then looked back, his eyes now hard and unyielding. “Back then, I was a fool and wanted your love.”

Her love. The nonexistent fantasy item he’d always wanted, the one thing her flaw had made sure she couldn’t provide. “You can’t have what doesn’t exist,” she whispered.

She sank into a chair, stunned to discover that, even now, after so many years, knowing she didn’t know how to love him made her heart weep.

But she couldn’t ignore the truth now, just as she couldn’t ignore it eight years ago. He’d deserved more than a flawed woman. He still did.

He made a deprecating sound. “So you always said.”

Before she could ask him what he meant by that, his cell phone rang, shrill in the quiet of the lunch-room. He answered it and she chewed on a nail and went back to her thoughts, tuning out his conversation.

Once she thought about it, she really didn’t want to know what his comment had meant. Their rocky past didn’t matter anymore. What was done was done. She’d broken up with him, he’d taken off on his overseas adventure, and they’d both gone on.

And luckily for her, everything was different now. They didn’t mean anything to each other anymore. New rules applied, thank the stars above.

Obviously Aiden hadn’t figured that out yet. Like a bad case of déjà vu he wanted to peer inside her and communicate with her for the sake of the spread. Well, she wanted none of it.

Too bad.

She was stuck like a doomed bug on glue. And judging by the still-tingly skin on her arm and her shaking knees, taking Maggie along was absolutely necessary. Colleen needed some sort of shield from Aiden, and she intended that Maggie serve the part. She would make sure her neighbor stuck to her side every second of the weekend.

His voice interrupted her thoughts. “That was the moving company. They’re waiting at the house to deliver my stuff, so I’ve got to go.” He moved to the door, jamming his tiny cell phone into the front pocket of his pants. “We’ll continue this conversation later.”

She rose and followed him, yanking her gaze from the front of his pants where he’d shoved his cell phone. She wanted to ask him where he lived and if he’d bought a new house. But she squashed the urge. For her own sanity and emotional safety she desperately needed to keep her distance from Aiden this time, not that he’d ever be interested in heating things up between them again.

“Aiden, wait.”

He stopped and turned, his green eyes questioning.

She ignored the sparks his gaze generated and gave him a hesitant smile. “Can my friend and her baby come along?”

He reached out and squeezed her hand but his eyes remained cold. “That depends on you.” He let go of her, waved and left.

Score tied.

Aiden stepped outside and took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the warm summer air, liking the sound of the cars and buses zooming along. Though the offices of the Beacon were located in a building in the center of downtown Portland and lots of people and traffic hurried by, the sounds of a normal city, one not torn apart by bombs and war, calmed him. Thank God he was home. Even though he doubted he’d ever be safe from his devastating memories and scorching guilt, at least he was back in familiar territory, a place he could burrow into and fashion a new life.

Yeah, everything would be perfect if he didn’t have to work with Colleen. But he did, and he wasn’t going to let that fact bother him enough to ruin this job and his chance to obliterate the terrible memories burned in his mind.

Unbidden, images arose in his brain, images he was helpless to stop. Dying children. Grief-stricken parents. Hell on earth…

I did nothing.

He stopped, suddenly breathing heavily, sweat breaking out on his upper lip. Guilt roiled in his soul like boiling water, burning him little by little from the inside out.

He closed his eyes, and by sheer dint of will he forced the agonizing pictures away, the truth of the current situation with Colleen thudding down instead.

Take back the stupid deal.

Nodding, he did an about-face and headed back toward the offices of the Beacon, his memories putting his problem into instant perspective. Making any kind of deal with Colleen was idiotic. If she didn’t want to work with him, fine. In fact, better. Easier. Less demanding. Less challenging.

He found Colleen sitting alone once again at a cluttered table in the lunchroom, staring off into space, a faraway, vulnerable expression on her face that unexpectedly landed like a kick in the gut. Fool. Why the hell should he care that she seemed sad? He ignored the unsettling sensation and cleared his throat. “Colleen.”

Her gaze snapped to him. “Aiden.” Surprise lit her cornflower-blue eyes. “Back so soon?”

“Yeah.” He made a face when the scent of stinky, stale coffee grounds and burnt microwave popcorn assaulted his nose. But he’d take that smell any day over the stench of blood and death he’d never quite been able to banish.

He shook it off along with his bad memories and forced himself back on track, back to the present. “I’m calling off our deal.”

She stood and stared at him, then pushed her hair back behind one ear and narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“It’s pretty simple, really,” he said, irritated that he’d even considered making any kind of deal with Colleen, that he’d let her push him around. “All I want to do is take pictures of babies.”

“Okay,” she said, drawing the word out. “But what does this have to do with your…deal?”

He snorted. “I’m not going to make some dumb deal with you to make sure you find a way to work with me. That’s your choice, not mine, and frankly, I don’t give a damn what choice you make.”

She widened her eyes, clearly taken aback by his harshness, then moved over and opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of diet pop. “I don’t know whether I should be jumping for joy or feel insulted.”

He shrugged. “I’m not trying to be insulting, just realistic. I told myself that you needed to find a way to work with me to do this job.” He let out a derisive laugh. “That’s a load of bull, and I’m not going to beg you to do your job. I’m sure Joe can find someone else to work with me.”

“Actually, I’ve already asked him to find someone and I’m it.” She pulled her lips into a triumphant smile. “So I guess my friend and her baby are in.”

He ground his back teeth together. It rubbed him the wrong way to have to redesign his layout to include another baby, but it wasn’t worth fighting with Colleen about. The less contact he had with her, the better. He nodded. “Yeah, your friend and her baby are in.”

Her face relaxed. “Good,” she said, walking toward him. She laid her free hand on his forearm for a moment. “You won’t regret it, I promise.” She moved by, her scent briefly masking the coffee and popcorn smell. “I’m going to call Maggie right now. I bet she’ll be thrilled.”

Colleen left the lunchroom and Aiden felt the warm place her touch had branded on his arm. Her light scent lingered in the air, intoxicating and evocative, fueling memories of her in his arms, her blue eyes staring into his soul, making him feel happy and content and loved.

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