Regency: Courtship And Candlelight: One Final Season

‘I can, and I think it would be wonderful,’ came the dreamy reply.

‘Bah! For heaven’s sake, take yourself off to bed and stop bothering me with such absurd notions, before I feel compelled to scream.’

‘You’ll see,’ her maid informed her with sharp nod and, deciding there was no more to be done to change her young mistress’s mind, took herself off to bed, presumably to dream of a nebulous lover who’d take her for granted and father ridiculous numbers of babes on her before neglecting her for someone less careworn, Kate decided, with a cynicism that seemed excessive even to her.

Maybe it would be better to have the illusion of loving someone to look forward to though, at least until cold reality broke through and spoilt it all, she thought wistfully while she climbed into bed and extinguished her candle. Before she succumbed to exhaustion, she thought that for as long as the enchantment lasted, a person might be deliriously happy with the one they thought they loved, before real life proved what a fairytale it all was and that so-called love faded away as if it had never been.

Chapter Four

However much she wanted to, it somehow seemed impossible to make her excuses and stay home when Kate received an invitation to the ball Lord and Lady Tedinton were holding to launch his lordship’s daughter into society. Of course, it wasn’t jealousy of lovely Lady Tedinton and whichever gentleman she might or might not have taken as her lover in the last couple of years that had made her so reluctant to come, but Kate couldn’t help wishing the evening over and done with before it had scarcely begun now she was here. Her ladyship was looking exotic and sensuous and strikingly beautiful, and Kate supposed it was no surprise that Lord Tedinton had succumbed to her youth and voluptuous figure and seductive smile, even if he clearly should have known better at his age.

Either others didn’t share her reluctance to be here, or were so curious to see how her ladyship would behave towards a stepdaughter barely seven years younger than she was herself that they couldn’t bring themselves to stay away, because it seemed to take for ever for the parade of coaches drawn up at the Tedinton town house to reach the front door. Kate wondered why this particular party was so popular, when Lady Tedinton made so little effort to court her own sex and the patronesses of Almack’s and one or two other grande dames could make or break any social event. Obviously his lordship’s good character and generous opinions commanded loyalty from his peers, but Kate thought many of those present were here in expectation of hearing or seeing something scandalous and would be acutely disappointed if Lady Tedinton failed to provide it.

Kate took one look at Miss Tedinton and decided the poor girl knew exactly what was in the minds of many of those who were so effusively wishing her well. As Eiliane had pointed out, the gossips were eager and primed for mischief after a dull winter and Kate heartily wished she didn’t have to be here to witness the poor girl’s obvious embarrassment. Yet if she’d stayed away it would probably cause even more speculation about Shuttleworth’s defection from the ranks of her admirers and her reaction to his coolness toward her. Too many people knew, or thought they knew, that Lady Tedinton might have captured Lord Shuttleworth’s very close attention if the rumour mill was to be believed. How gleefully they’d all have talked tonight if Kate had played the coward and not come when they also knew Shuttleworth had once been her most devoted cavalier. As she waited with Eiliane to be announced and greeted as effusively as a marchioness and her protégée must be, even if the words must stick in Lady Tedinton’s elegant throat, Kate wished someone would wave a magic wand and telescope time so she could be at the other end of this evening in the time it took to snap her fingers.

‘You look splendidly,’ Eiliane murmured reassuringly and Kate was cross with herself for betraying any hint of her feelings. ‘That new gown is a triumph and you’ll cast all the débutantes into the shade in it tonight because, although it’s white and perfectly proper, none of them could carry it off with such élan.’

‘Thank you. It seems there may be something to be said for being one and twenty after all, then,’ Kate managed to reply as she smiled ruefully at her chaperon and wondered yet again why she was still feeling so nervous about tonight.

It was true that her white silk gown with its corded and looped trim and belled-out skirt was considerably more sophisticated than anything a débutante would dare wear and she felt a little better at the sight of her looking elegant and surprisingly assured in one of the long mirrors probably placed to throw more light on to the stairs. The style was a little fussier than she liked, but as the dressmaker had informed her, when she’d tried to order it made up in a plainer style, that was the mode and it was unthinkable for Miss Alstone to be thought dowdy and behind the times. The belled skirt and very high waist undoubtedly suited her figure and one of the few advantages of red hair was that even the most severe critics could never accuse her of being insipid. Being one and twenty, she could also wear her mother’s pearl-and-diamond set without being informed she was fast and the fact of them at her neck and wrists and ears felt both reassuring and right.

Funnily enough, it wasn’t the débutantes she was most concerned about, but Kate smiled brightly and tried to look eager for the delights ahead of her when they finally reached the head of the receiving line and she met Lady Tedinton’s apparently sleepy-eyed gaze. Her ladyship’s dark gaze chilled and Kate was tempted to seek out another of those well-placed mirrors to check there wasn’t a knife plunged between her shoulder blades she was, as yet, too frostbitten to feel.

‘How lovely that you could both attend our humble little entertainment,’ her ladyship cooed as if utterly delighted they’d come.

‘Oh, we wouldn’t have missed it for the world,’ Eiliane responded just as insincerely and Kate wondered once more at the polite lengths the great ladies of the ton would go to in order to best their enemies. ‘Such an interesting use of flowers and drapery to accentuate the colouring of such an angelically fair girl,’ Eiliane added with a pointed glance at his lordship, who suddenly looked thoughtful about the unsuitable cerise-silk swags that festooned the ballroom at such an innocent affair as a débutante ball.

‘Dear Philippa is such a passionate lover of this particular shade of dusky rose silk that nothing I could say would change her mind about ordering yards of it to drape the ballroom with. Wise heads are so seldom found on young shoulders, don’t you agree, Lady Pemberley?’ their hostess parried sleepily.

Kate saw ‘dear Philippa’ conceal a frown and shoot a helpless, hunted glance at her papa behind a fan that was also dark rose to match the silk draped behind her and quite the wrong colour for any débutante to carry, let alone a blonde and blue-eyed girl like Miss Tedinton. The expensive and elaborate fan looked distinctly odd against the stark white simplicity of the ball gown even her ladyship hadn’t been able to argue against buying for such a young girl, as if she’d been given it to hold while someone far more sophisticated was busy. After all, Kate thought cynically, why spend a penny more on her stepdaughter than necessary, when her ladyship could pass on her cast-offs to her and spend it on herself?

Lord Tedinton looked pitifully relieved at his wife’s implausible explanation and was obviously too blinded by his beautiful countess to see beyond the end of his own nose. Kate ardently pitied the children of his first marriage and smiled encouragingly at the unlucky Philippa while Eiliane exchanged insincerities with their hostess. Receiving a shy smile in return, Kate made a mental note to bully the more pleasant youths of her acquaintance into demanding Philippa Tedinton’s dance card, before her stepmama pushed her into more venial hands in the hope of getting her off her hands more swiftly, and cheaply.

‘Dreadful woman,’ Eiliane whispered as they walked down into the ballroom and paused to take a discreet survey of the company.

‘I doubt most of the gentlemen present would agree with you,’ Kate murmured, watching a few of the fascinated males and searching for one in particular, although she chided herself for being such an idiot all the time she did so.

‘Some have sense enough to see through the obvious,’ Eiliane said, sounding as if she was trying to reassure her protégée that Edmund was one of the wise who’d already done so, although why she should when he meant nothing at all to Kate was quite beyond her.

‘And some do not,’ Kate said bleakly, her eyes briefly pausing on Edmund’s golden-brown head. He was bending over one of the prettiest of the current crop of débutantes to initial her dance card. Then he gave her a gallant bow and an altogether too charming smile of farewell, until later.

‘Not that you care what he thinks,’ Eiliane continued blandly and Kate stopped pretending not to watch Lord Shuttleworth long enough to give her so-called friend a long cool look instead.

‘No, not that I have so little sense as to do that,’ she agreed silkily.

‘Liar,’ Eiliane murmured softly, then spying out the best seat in the house, again managed to procure it with a polite, ruthless smile that suddenly made it hers by right. ‘I’m far too old to stand about like an exhibit at a fair and too young to sit on a chaperon’s bench,’ she said placidly when Kate raised her eyebrows at her tactics.

‘And you only ever lay claim to whatever age you’re admitting to at the time when it suits you to make use of it.’

‘One of the few gifts middle age offers is the opportunity to exploit it at regular intervals.’

‘And your rank?’

‘Oh, yes, that, too, of course. A sensible person must make use of any unfair advantages the good Lord gifted them in support of a good cause, don’t you agree, Shuttleworth?’ Eiliane asked the one man Kate didn’t want to see until she’d got over watching him either court an overgrown schoolgirl, or be eyed by their hostess as if she were a hungry cat intent on catching the finest prey she could spot.

Kate told herself she was merely disappointed not to be given the chance to avoid him all evening and greeted him with the brusque nod he deserved for all the self-doubts and turmoil he was putting her through. She then could have cheerfully hit him—if she weren’t such a rational person—when he returned it with a distant bow.

‘That depends on the circumstance, your ladyship,’ he replied with an easy smile Kate envied her friend as she felt her own face stiffen into a chilly mask so she’d be ready for the contrast when he finally deigned to meet her eyes.

‘Always so cautious, Shuttleworth?’ Eiliane teased.

‘Not always,’ he parried rather dourly and Kate would have been a fool to read his cool glance as approving of her in any way. ‘But I always agree with you, your ladyship, as it saves me so much energy,’ he said with a lazy smile that did such unfair things to Kate’s breathing she wondered if she was coming down with more than just bruised pride and dented self-esteem. A severe cold? Influenza, perhaps?

‘The rest of us have to live with the consequences when she becomes more certain of her own omnipotence than Madame Marchioness here has any right to be though, my lord,’ she reproached him lightly, wondering why she was bothering to speak to him at all when he didn’t seem to welcome either her presence or her conversation.

‘Neither of us will ever attain such a happy state whilst we have the corrective of your abrasive tongue available to put us right, Miss Alstone, isn’t that so, Lady Pemberley?’ he parried.

‘It is,’ Eiliane said with such heartfelt sincerity that Kate felt her confidence in her own judgement falter once again.

‘Am I really so brusque and disagreeable?’ she asked unguardedly.

‘Only when you’re not being right all the time. It really is most annoying in you,’ he said, openly taunting her now and Kate told herself she was a fool to feel shaken and deeply unsure of what she’d built on the wreckage she and Izzie had been left with after the collapse of their once-safe little world.

‘Just because you happen to think it’s your divine right to be correct instead?’ she asked him smoothly enough, refusing to even try to meet his eyes this time.

‘Of course,’ he said with the hint of a frown between his dark brows, so perhaps her avoidance of his eyes had given away her uncertainty and, yes, just a touch of hurt that he seemed to think her so arrogant and self-satisfied.

‘I won’t allow masculine superiority as a defence, just because the rest of the world suffers from the delusion it actually exists, your lordship. To claim it, you’ll have to prove you possess it,’ she challenged him and finally managed to meet his silver-green gaze as if it cost her nothing but a coolly ironic smile.

‘I’d be delighted to do so, when you finally manage to screw up sufficient courage to risk defeat at my hands, Miss Alstone,’ he replied, making no attempt to mask a heat in his look that echoed the wolfish, challenging smile on his suddenly very tempting masculine mouth.

Feeling as if she’d already suffered a loss when her wildest fantasies centred on his lips as if they could unlock the secrets of the universe, Kate clenched her fists resolutely at her sides. Seeing the threat of an easy victory in his intent and suddenly very green gaze, she made herself hold it steadily, as if doing so cost her no effort at all. Hopefully only she knew her fingernails were threatening to bite through her kid gloves and into her soft palms as she clamped down on her more primitive instincts in the hope they might give up in the face of bleak reality.

‘Don’t flatter yourself, my lord,’ she warned him softly.

‘No need, when you’ve done it for me by refusing to pick up any of the challenges I cared to throw out in the past.’

‘I am not a coward, and you’re the one who retreated from the fight.’

Suddenly the air was crackling with something more than the slightly bitter teasing of two people who’d once had such promise of linking and entwining their lives, yet failed to take that vital step together. Kate’s mouth felt inexplicably dry and her pulse was racing, but she made herself meet him glare for dare. Half-conscious they were in all too public a space for such a contest of wills and wishes, she still couldn’t let her eyes fall modestly and step away from him. Giving an involuntary sigh as she continued to hold his jade-and-steel gaze without flinching, she allowed herself the small concession of licking her lips to slick their inexplicable dryness and marvelled at the feral heat that flared in his eyes as he changed from confident, taunting challenger to offer a darker and deeper world of sensual threat instead.

‘I think you’re going to miss the first waltz if you don’t hurry, my dears.’ Eiliane intruded a little too brightly on their silent, too-significant struggle for some victory Kate didn’t even understand wanting to achieve so desperately in the first place.

‘And what a shame that would be,’ she managed to say as acerbically as everyone seemed to expect her to, even if her lips felt numb and her tongue oddly stiff in her parched mouth.

‘Have you already promised yourself to someone else, Miss Alstone?’ Edmund asked relentlessly, for some reason best known to him refusing to do what she fully expected him to and walk away to find the pretty little miss he’d been talking to earlier.

‘No, but I dare say you have.’

‘You’d be wrong and not for the first time then, so perhaps you’d best hurry up and join me for it, before we attract even more attention to ourselves,’ he replied.

‘I never dance with noblemen who order me to do so, attention or otherwise.’

‘Then pray do us both the favour of joining me on the dance floor, before the tabbies make all sorts of mistaken assumptions about our tardiness, Miss Alstone,’ he demanded more than asked.

Seeing that he was right and they were attracting far too much notice for comfort, she took his offered hand and let him lead her onto the floor, as if she could imagine nothing more pleasant than to dance with the rude, contradictory, disturbing man. Instead it felt as if he’d just snapped the tethers of the polite pretence that should have held them both in check and left them perilously adrift in a world where she had no bearings or familiar landmarks to chart it by.

‘Why do you suddenly seem to hate me, my lord?’ she heard herself ask as soon as they were launched into the dance. She was silently cursing herself for agreeing to be held so close to him, so curiously in sympathy considering their new antipathy and the odd fact that he’d never affected her like this in the past, when he’d just been a skilful partner who didn’t tread on her toes.

‘I don’t hate you, Kate, would that I could,’ he answered her with no hint of a smile to soften his hard-eyed scrutiny of her upturned face.

‘Perhaps it would be easier,’ she agreed rather wistfully.

‘For you or for me?’

‘For both of us.’

‘Then you are a coward,’ he murmured, but still he held her as if she was precious and their steps harmonised with such ease it felt as if they’d been born to dance together.

‘How so?’ she managed to murmur, fighting a stupid urge to lay her head on his shoulder and dream her way through this waltz, as if all that mattered was being held so close to him nothing could come between them. At least imagining how that shocking spectacle would appear was enough to stiffen her spine and make her set a little distance between them.

‘If you ever find the courage to really look into that guarded heart of yours, Miss Alstone, you might find your answer to that question and a few others as well,’ he informed her even as he twirled and confused her in time with the dance.

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she said, wishing she was in a position to cross her fingers against that uneasy lie, for she was beginning to wonder herself.

‘I know, that’s the pity of it all,’ he responded rather grimly and they spent the rest of the dance in uneasy silence.

Their waltz was over too soon and not soon enough, so they could step away from each other at last with more than just physical space yawning between them. Kate marvelled at herself for being such a fool as to have refused to marry him so often in the past, even as the guarded part of her drew back and whispered he’d always ask too much of her, however many times he asked and she said no. She told herself to be grateful he’d had the sense to slash through whatever bonds bound them to each other three years ago. Yet it didn’t feel right that they should now go their separate ways as if they’d never once mattered to each other. She hesitated ridiculously when he offered her his arm so distantly at the end of their dance, as though he were about to conduct someone he barely knew and didn’t much like back to her chaperon.

She laid her fingers on his immaculately tailored coat sleeve and did her best to look undaunted and serene while a flash of hot and confusing warmth shot through her at the feel of such latent power beneath her fingertips. It was utterly ridiculous to feel intrigued by even so light a touch on his muscular arm, when she’d been more or less immune to his physical allure on first acquaintanceship. She was still struggling with this odd twist to their relationship that now left her more conscious of him than he was of her when they were rudely interrupted.

‘What a delightful display that was, don’t you agree, my love?’ Lady Tedinton greeted them with apparent laziness as Kate and Edmund unwarily stepped off the dance floor and straight into her path.

‘Oh, they’ll need to practise for a few more years yet before they’re even half as good at it as you are, my dear,’ her husband replied and Kate could see how little her ladyship relished being lumped in with those who were accomplished and experienced, but no longer young, even if her husband seemed oblivious to her quick frown of displeasure.

‘Practice makes perfect, don’t you agree, Lord Shuttleworth?’ the lady responded, avid hunger brazenly obvious in her heavy-lidded eyes as she ran them over him, as if testing his power as a lover and liking the idea of taking him as her current one a little too well, whatever their past relationship might be.

‘Only until that perfection is achieved, my lady,’ he said with a supremely elegant bow Kate thought was more an attempt to distance himself from the woman than offering her even a hint of encouragement.

‘But if it’s not properly maintained, even perfection can fade away from lack of application,’ the lady murmured and Kate wondered at her daring, at the same time as she marvelled at her husband’s wilful blindness to her true nature as she tried to joust with a potential lover under his very nose.

‘A little imperfection always seems so much more human to me,’ Edmund replied with a surprisingly warm look in Kate’s direction that she decided was his way of subtly informing Lady Tedinton she was much less to him than she thought herself to be, since he’d just put Kate ahead of her and everyone knew they were no longer even friends.

‘Yet no doubt surprisingly tedious after a while. A person of taste and refinement, not to mention experience, cannot find it easy to be burdened with a bungling amateur forced to strive for mastery of a set of skills that comes to others with almost instinctive ease. It must be tedious indeed to endure such gauche fumbling at such times,’ her ladyship responded.

How so much malice could be directed at her with one heavy-eyed, apparently amused glance was almost beyond Kate. She was tempted to shrug her shoulders and make a polite excuse before drifting away with an absent farewell, but she owed Edmund more than that, even if he was confounding and confusing her more than she’d dreamt he could when she was three years younger and even more foolish.

‘If one takes lessons from a fine teacher, they can be enormously stimulating for both pupil and educator in my experience,’ she managed to defend herself as coolly as if she had no idea their three-way battle concealed a nasty set of double meanings that were all going straight over Lord Tedinton’s head.

‘Since I hear that your former governess used her position in a noble household to gain a rich and powerful husband, one can only suppose the less wary gentlemen among the ton need to be very careful indeed of those lessons, Miss Alstone,’ her ladyship said with a faux smile only her husband would ever trust.

‘Would it be her position as my governess, or that of the only grandchild and sole heiress to the Duke and Duchess of Devingham you intend to cite, my lady?’ Kate said with such apparent pleasantness she was sure she heard her adversary’s perfect white teeth snap together with impotent fury.

‘Since the odd creature foolishly renounced the latter, then it must be the former, and what a very fine scheme it turned out to be,’ Lady Tedinton said, letting temper flash out recklessly, as if she sensed her most coveted lover slipping out of her grasping fingers when Edmund’s eyes iced over in obvious contempt.

‘Sometimes,’ he said with such chilly calm even Kate shivered, ‘it takes an inveterate schemer to spot a careful plan where none ever existed, my lady.’

Since he also bowed to the apparently noble couple with ceremonious elegance and an empty social smile, Lord Tedinton laughed and seemed as unaware of his lady’s fury as he was that she was being subtly accused of being devious and spiteful.

‘Indeed it does—now, are you going to honour me with that dance or not, my dear?’ he said as brightly as if they were all getting along famously. ‘After all, you lured me away from our duty of greeting belated guests on the promise of one, so we’d best join the next set and let them see exactly why we deserted them, eh?’ he urged his wife indulgently.