Crying for Help: The Shocking True Story of a Damaged Girl with a Dark Past

While introductions were made, I studied Sophia more carefully. In fact, it was hard to keep my eyes off her. She was only 12 years of age but she was a startlingly well-developed girl. With her height – she was around five foot eight, to my five foot nothing – she could easily pass for 16 or over. She was also seriously tanned – so much so that she looked like she’d just come back from the Med. Which she obviously hadn’t, so did it come from a bottle? It certainly fitted – she dressed to kill, clearly knowing she had a figure to die for, emphasising her large boobs with a tight low-cut top, over skinny jeans and a pair of high-heeled boots. She was also sitting back, looking composed, with a strange smile on her face, as if allowing the proceedings to wash over her. All in all it was an arresting first impression.

Linda Samson, the supervising social worker, kicked off, explaining the facts that John had already outlined: that Jean was unable to look after Sophia temporarily and that as a consequence she needed a short-term placement.

Sophia leaned forward then, and to both my and Mike’s astonishment said, ‘Linda, could you please make a record of the fact that it’s Jean who has asked for this, it’s Jean that can’t cope? Because I’m sure,’ and her eyes flicked towards Jean as she spoke, ‘that real mothers don’t just dump their kids at the first sign of illness.’

I was gobsmacked. And Jean had started crying again. Linda’s face reddened. ‘Sophia, sweetheart,’ she entreated. ‘We have explained all this to you. You know what’s going on. Please don’t make matters any worse.’

Jean’s tears, as Linda spoke, had become increasingly voluble. Was she really in any fit state to be here? Clearly not – because she then asked my unspoken question. ‘Why did I come?’ she sobbed. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have! Oh, this is all just too much! Sophia, please, darling, don’t do this!’

I was absolutely stunned, and could see Mike was, too. He was looking at John with a plea in his expression. Was John going to say something, or should he?

‘Okay, everyone,’ John said, only moments before Mike did. ‘Let’s all try to calm down a little, shall we? Sophia?’ He waited till he had her full attention. ‘How about you and I have a quick tour of the house. See your room and so on. That will be okay, won’t it, Casey?’

I nodded. ‘And Bob’s in Kieron’s bedroom, John. Perhaps Sophia would like to meet him as well.’

Bob was Kieron’s dog, a scruffy and adorable little mongrel whom he and his girlfriend Lauren had got from a rescue centre the previous year. I watched as the two of them left the dining room together, and almost felt the air stir as everyone exhaled. It was a bizarre situation and I knew Mike could sense it too. It was as if everyone in there was going out of their way not to upset this 12-year-old child in a woman’s body.

‘Erm, I’m a little confused,’ I admitted, once I knew they’d be out of earshot. ‘I thought all this had already been arranged.’ I leaned forward. ‘Are you okay, Jean?’

Jean nodded sadly, though she said nothing. It was Sam Davies, Sophia’s social worker, who spoke up. ‘It has,’ she confirmed. ‘It’s just that it’s all a bit raw for Jean and Sophia. It’s Jean’s first ever foster placement, you see, and she’s obviously upset that she has to let go of Sophia so soon. What makes it worse, of course, is that Sophia sees it as so much of a rejection, however much we all reassure her that isn’t the case. We can all see where she’s coming from, I’m sure.’ Everyone nodded. ‘She really is terribly alone in the world. The only family she has left is the uncle, as I think you know, and he’s made it very clear he doesn’t want her. Packed her off the minute his wife got pregnant, by all accounts. Very difficult for a child who’s already been through so much …’

‘Which is why we feel it’s so important that Sophia has a solid team around her,’ added Linda. Yes, but more like an adoring retinue, I silently thought. ‘Jack?’ Linda went on. ‘Would you like to explain your role?’

Jack Boyd was a small, jovial-looking Irishman. His job, he explained, had been to be a ‘friend’ to Sophia, taking her out once a week, to an outing like bowling or the cinema. He’d carry on, he said, to ensure continuity, if we wanted. Sophia had his mobile number, he added, and often liked to call him, especially if she was upset. Mike, who’d stayed silent, taking everything in, now chipped in. About something that, in the midst of all the upset, I had completely forgotten about myself.

‘Sophia’s Addison’s disease,’ he said to Jean. ‘Can you tell me about that? We have to visit the doctors to find out a little more about the management, but can you shed any light on the challenges it throws up for you?’

Jean looked slightly nonplussed. ‘Oh, I’m sure the medical team will tell you everything you need to know,’ she said. ‘You just have to watch out for the warning signs of her getting stressed, really, because that’s dangerous. Like getting a bit snappy and irritable. That’s when I know, because she’s normally such a sweetie.’

The rest of the posse smiled an indulgent group smile when Jean said this, and once again I got the sensation of this group of people treading on eggshells, even when the girl wasn’t in the room!

But then she was – she and John re-entered the dining room at that moment, and she immediately went over to behind Jack’s chair, where she stopped a moment, to ruffle his hair. It seemed an unlikely gesture, and a little out of place. He lurched forward slightly, having not anticipated it, as those of us had who were sitting opposite, saying, ‘Ah, give over, you little rascal!’ He glanced across to us. ‘She’s always picking on me, this one. I have to have my wits about me, so I do.’

‘It’s just because I love your accent, Jack,’ she told him, sitting down again. She turned to me now. ‘Don’t you just love the Irish, Casey?’ she wanted to know. She was laughing out loud now and everyone else looked uncomfortable.

I smiled at her. ‘Well, you’ll meet some more Irish people in our house, Sophia. My two brothers married sisters from Ireland – from Belfast. We often visit them. And they come here with their kids all the time.’

Sophia stopped laughing now. Abruptly. ‘Oh, I don’t think that’ll be the same, will it? Not if they’re women.’

‘Sophia,’ John interjected, before I could close my now open mouth. ‘Have you anything you’d like to ask Mike and Casey, before we finish up?’ The sense of tension in the room was almost palpable.

‘I don’t think so,’ she said mildly. ‘The room is lovely. Really lovely. And your dog is adorable … Oh, I know! How old are you both? I don’t like old people. Mike, you look quite young, though. Are you older, Casey?’

I was stunned at the girl’s cheek, but not half as much as the fact that a couple of others in the room had actually giggled. This was some ‘professional’ team. It really was.

‘You know, Sophia?’ said Mike pleasantly. ‘Just for future reference, it’s not really polite to ask an adult their age. But, since you ask, Casey’s younger than I am.’

‘Well then,’ said Linda, clearly keen to get away now. Sophia herself didn’t open her mouth. ‘If there’s nothing else, I think we can wrap this up now. I’m sure, Casey and Mike, you’ll have more questions to ask, so be assured that one of us will always be on hand to answer them. All our numbers will be on the paperwork that we’ll be bringing on Wednesday morning, and I’ll also leave you the address of Dr Wyatt, Sophia’s doctor. Your appointment with him is at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, by the way, so plenty of time to get to –’

‘That’s a point,’ said Mike. ‘Where is this doctor based anyway?’

Linda handed him the sheet with the address on. ‘He’s here. It’s –’

‘The Lake District!’ Mike gasped. ‘Cumbria? But that’s a couple of hundred miles away!’

‘You only have to attend once a month or so,’ Linda said quickly. ‘Unless there are complications …’

‘I should hope so!’ Mike snapped. ‘It’s a six-hour round trip! It would have been nice if someone had told us this before!’

Sophia, who had been about to leave the room, now turned around. ‘Aw, diddums,’ she said, and it was clear she was getting her own back. ‘Doesn’t Daddy like driving?’

Sam pushed Sophia’s coat into her arms. ‘Stop being silly,’ she snapped. It was the first time I’d heard anyone admonish her.

Mike was furious, I could see, so I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, hoping I could help him calm down. What hope had we if she could wind him up so comprehensively, and so quickly? Not a lot, I decided. Not a lot at all.

We saw them out – all bar John – with fixed smiles on our faces. What were we about to take on? See beyond, I kept telling myself. See beyond the bad behaviour to the hurting child beneath. So I looked, but, by God, it was hard.

‘Quite a team she has there, eh?’ John said, to break the silence that was threatening to swallow us all up, minutes later. We’d moved into the kitchen now, and Mike had set about washing up the cups, the crockery rattling furiously as he did so. The hall floor was suddenly the last thing on my mind.

‘She didn’t come across at all like that the last time I met her,’ John added limply. ‘Like a different girl completely …’ He tailed off.

‘Bloody hell, John!’ I said. ‘That was completely bizarre. It was like they were all absolutely terrified of upsetting her; pandering to everything, pussyfooting around her … Does she turn into a werewolf when crossed? Is that it?’

John pulled out a kitchen chair and sat on it, looking weary. ‘I’ve never witnessed anything like that before,’ he admitted. ‘All my dealings with that team have been on the phone up to now, and up to now they’ve all seemed really switched on. I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘You’re right. It does all feel a bit of a challenge, doesn’t it? To be honest, I only agreed to taking the case because it was going to be so short term. And it won’t be for long, I’m sure, because, as you can see, Jean really wants to keep her, long term.’

‘Is she really strong enough?’ Mike said. ‘I can’t see it myself. But I hope she does.’ He frowned. ‘Because, much as I hate to say this, I smell trouble. I think there’s much more to this girl than meets the eye.’

John was, of course, relentlessly apologetic. He apologised for not being able to find out more about Sophia’s background or her illness. He apologised for not knowing the doctor was so far away. He apologised for not knowing about the apparently worrying prospect of what might happen if she got a little ‘stressed’. And he promised that he would do everything he could to find out more – because forewarned was forearmed.

We reassured him that we weren’t going to take it personally – because it wasn’t his fault, was it? It was just going to be a challenging sort of placement, we all agreed, and challenges, we also agreed, were what we were all about. Even so, as Mike and I waved John off from the doorstep, I couldn’t help feeling that there were challenges and there were challenges, and that this one might not be to our liking.

‘You know, love?’ I said to Mike, reaching out for a hug. ‘I was really looking forward to having a new child to foster, and now, you know what? I’m not sure I am any more.’

He pulled me in. ‘I know, love. It all looks a little daunting, doesn’t it? But I suppose that’s exactly what we get paid for. We’ll just have to do our best, eh? See how it goes. And remember just how much she’s had to cope with in her life. She’s probably feeling angry at the whole world.’

Mike was right, of course. We both knew we had to see past the behaviour and remember that she was a child who had not yet hit her teens, and was without a mum – without any family to speak of. Couple all that with what sounded like a very complicated and, possibly, life-threatening condition, and it was no wonder she was angry and demanding. I sighed as it hit me just how difficult this might be. And not just because Sophia would be a difficult child to manage. It was because I had a sixth sense – no, I knew – that all the efforts we made at establishing boundaries, which we badly needed to, had the potential for being undermined at every turn by the team of professionals who seemed intent to let her have her way all the time and, in doing so, turn her into a monster. Couldn’t they see they weren’t helping her development? They were just adding to her sense of entitlement, her bad manners and her unrealistic expectations; not a great recipe for a happy adult life.

I could only hope one thing, that we could make a difference. Even if it seemed, on the face of it, like a tall order.

‘The coast is clear!’ I told Riley, over the phone, twenty minutes later. ‘Can you come round with Levi and cheer me up?’

Bless her, my daughter is an absolute sweetheart, and I knew seeing her and my lovely grandson would make the prospect so much less bleak. I set about making lunch for the three of us – Riley, Mike and me – before Mike had to rush off back to work.

‘So was she awful?’ Riley asked, as soon as she arrived. ‘You sounded pretty down on the phone.’

I’d certainly felt it. As I’d said to Mike before she’d arrived, I now felt pretty silly, having gone so bloody overboard on the bedroom. And I had – well, me and Riley had – to a ridiculous degree. There were pink fluttery butterflies hanging in the window, two layers of contrasting pink curtains, with silver sequins dotted over them, matching bed linen and fluffy pink cushions. The bed had also been transformed by a glittery pink canopy, which hung from the ceiling and flowed over the pillows. The walls sported an array of butterflies and fairies, and the offending football-adorned bookcase was now gleaming white, and sat among mushrooms (Riley’s idea – garden ornaments), upon which sat more fairies … It really was a room fit for a princess. Trouble was, what we seemed to have was less a princess than a little madam.

But as Mike had pointed out, aiding that transition was our job. But he’d looked at me gloomily, as if reading my thoughts. ‘Screw the room, Casey,’ he’d said. ‘That’s the least of our worries.’

It was good to have Riley here to break the tension. ‘Tell you what,’ I said now, ‘I’ll go and dig some toys out for Levi. Mike, why don’t you tell Riley all about it, love?’

I went off to the blanket box under the stairs, knowing Mike would be able to stick to the facts and not get over-emotional, like I would. I didn’t want to seem overemotional about it, as I knew the kids would just fret even more about whether we’d done the right thing.

Funny, I thought, pulling out the box and lifting the lid, how you have expectations in life, without any evidence to back them up at all. I’d collected a lot of these toys when we’d first discussed fostering, mistakenly thinking we’d have lots of little children around. Naïve, really – it was the older kids who needed our kind of specialist help. The ones a way down the line; the really damaged ones. Still, I thought, pulling out a singing pig for Levi, maybe the toy fairy knew I’d soon have my first grandchild. It was a nice thought after a troubling kind of morning.

When I returned to the kitchen, Mike and Riley, thank goodness, were both laughing.

‘Sounds like you’ve got a proper little madam on your hands!’ Riley said, echoing my own thoughts.

‘Dad’s filled you in, then?’ I asked her.

‘Yes, he has,’ she confirmed. ‘Though don’t worry, Mum. You’ll soon have her learning our ways. No airs and graces in this house!’

I nodded. ‘But I am worried about Kieron,’ I confessed. My son has a mild form of Asperger’s syndrome, which makes him vulnerable in lots of little ways. He doesn’t see bad in anyone, much less any kind of guile, and I suspected, with him being young, not to mention tall and good looking, that he might be a target for Sophia’s attentions. ‘I think he’s going to find her a bit overwhelming,’ I said. ‘She seems a bit over the top in the touchy-feely department – you saw the way she was with that Jack, didn’t you, Mike? She’s definitely a bit flirty around men.’

‘A bit?! And he was mortified,’ Mike agreed. ‘So we’ll just have to prepare Kieron. You know, make it clear that he’ll need to keep his distance.’

‘And put some rules in place, for definite. Even if she’s not going on the programme. She needs some guidelines more suitable for a girl of her age.’

Which was what we did, over the course of the next twenty-four hours, as well as filling Kieron in on how unlike most 12-year-old girls she was, and how running around in boxers might be a very bad idea. I also contacted my old school – the one I’d worked in before the career change into fostering – and secured Sophia a place there to start the following Monday. Finally, I spent a little while on the internet, trying to find out what I could about Addison’s disease. It seemed to be as described – something life-long and incurable – but which, with tablets, seemed straightforward to manage. The only alarming thing I read was that people with the disorder could have ‘crises’, when the levels of hormones fell so low they could die, if not treated immediately by injection. That sounded worrying, and I made a mental note to ask the doctor a bit more. Then I called John Fulshaw, to fill him in too, and was taken aback by his response.

‘Oh, Casey, I can’t tell you, I’m so grateful to you and Mike. After yesterday morning I really thought you’d be calling me to say you’d changed your minds.’

‘Not at all, John,’ I told him. ‘We’re giving this a go. It’ll be different, for sure, but we’ll find a way through it.’

All that done, and with Mike at work and Kieron at college – he was there doing a course in music and media, which he was loving – I trotted off to the conservatory for a sneaky cigarette. I must try to stop, I chided myself, as I did every time, but I couldn’t seem to. I smoked very little, but that emergency packet of twenty that I kept above the fridge-freezer was an absolute lifeline in times of great stress. And I was stressed, I thought, as I opened the patio doors and lit one.

But if I’d known just how much more stressful my life was soon going to become, I think I would have booked myself in for an asbestos lung replacement, ready.

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