“I had dinner at the hotel restaurant that night. I met her in the bar. Now, that’s all I’m saying about it. And if you let on to Abby that I said that much, my situation is only going to get more impossible. You follow me here, Paul?”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“Do about it?”

“Well,” he said, looking over each shoulder to make sure they weren’t being overheard, then leaning close to whisper. Jack, of course, leaned down to not miss a word. “She’s pregnant. You’re the father. Anything come to mind there, bud? Like maybe marriage?”

Cameron put down his drink impatiently. “Pay attention, Paul. I couldn’t even get her to go to Fortuna to eat at a restaurant with me. She hates me. I was a perfect gentleman, back then and tonight, but she hates me. She called me a sperm donor.”

“Whew,” Paul said.

“Whew,” said Jack.

All three men lifted their glasses in misery.

Vanessa put water for tea on the stove for Abby and while it heated she put little Matt down in his bed with his bottle. When she got back to the kitchen, Abby was blowing her nose, wiping her eyes. While Vanni let the tea steep, she put some leftover roast beef, potatoes and carrots on a plate and warmed it in the microwave. She put the tea in front of her friend and left the dinner in the microwave. Vanni pulled herself a beer out of the refrigerator and sat down opposite Abby. “Done crying yet?” she asked.

Abby nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Well, I do. My emotions were so crazy when I was pregnant, I don’t know how anyone could stand to be around me. I was a complete wreck.”

“I should be so ashamed,” Abby said with a sniff. “You had it so much worse.”

“That has nothing to do with it,” Vanni said. “You’ve got a good bit of stress right now. Between being unmarried and having all those bills and that horrible prenup, it’s small wonder you’re a bit…reactive.”

Abby blew her nose. “I complain about having no control, then I lose control. It makes no sense.”

“Abby, I’m not known for wisdom, I’m best known for having the worst goddamn temper. Direct quote from my husband who has no temper at all. I want you to know, I’ll stand by you and support you, no matter what your next move is. But, here’s what I think you should do. I think you should go to the clinic first thing in the morning and apologize to Cameron. I think you should have a frank talk with him about how you two are going to manage parenting these children. You two only have to make one commitment—that’s to them. This can’t go on. You’re not going to let them go, and neither is he. You have to find a way to work together, whether you’re friends or not. But so much better if you’re friends. For them. Huh?”

“It just makes me so furious!” Abby got out, another tear rolling down her cheek.

“What makes you so furious?”

“That he ended up here! That he found me out! That now, in addition to everything else, I have to find a way to deal with him! I just wanted to have my babies, take them to my mother’s and get on with my life.”

“Yeah? Well, Abby, you have no right.”

Abby looked up, eyes wide and glassy, a tissue scrunched in her hand.

“Listen, I told you I knew Cameron before Paul finally stepped up to the plate and told me how he felt about me. Well, I can’t say I knew him all that well back then—we had two very platonic dates. But we did a lot of talking and I learned that he really expected he’d be married with a family by now. He wanted a wife, children. He loves kids so much that he did a second residency in pediatrics. He—”

“Yeah, I know all that….”

“Abby, just listen to me. We’ve been good friends for a long time, you and me. We flew together, partied together, cried over the miserable losers we’d hooked our hearts on together. When I think of some of the jackasses we thought we could turn into husbands…God, it makes me shudder.

“As your friend, I can be honest with you. And as my friend, you owe it to me to hear me out. Abby, you have no right. You have as much responsibility as he does for this situation you’re in. And he has as much right as you to be a parent here. I think it would have been a tragedy for Cameron if you’d succeeded in disappearing with his children. He deserves to be able to tell his family he’s going to be a father. His mother deserves to know she’s going to be a grandmother. It might be complicated and imperfect, but I bet it’s one of the best things in his life right now. I think that if a problem arises in working this out so you can parent your children together, the problem will be you. Not him.”

Abby was speechless for a moment. “Wow,” she finally said.

“That’s harsh, I know. But, Abby, that’s the truth as I see it. You don’t have to marry him, you don’t have to love him, but you do have to let him be a father to his children. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He doesn’t deserve your rage. Kid Crawford, your sleazy ex-husband, you go ahead and hate him if you want. But I can’t sit quiet while you punish Cameron. He’s a good soul. And if he hadn’t turned up here, running into you by the sheerest accident, I would consider it your responsibility to find him and tell him the truth.”

Abby leaned across the table toward Vanessa. “Listen,” she said pleadingly, “are you sure you’d be so sane and logical if you were in this mess?”

“Eventually,” Vanni said easily. “It might be hard to get to sane and logical, but I’m not worried—you’ll eventually get there, yourself. Because Cameron won’t ever do anything to hurt you. You’ll at least share parenting, and he’s so great with children, he’ll be a wonderful father. Do you have any idea how many women wish they had parenting partners that wonderful? Get it together, Abby. You’re stuck with this and it’s not a bad deal to be stuck with. What if they were Kid Crawford’s babies?” She stood up and went to the microwave, giving it another forty-five seconds to rewarm the dinner. “Let’s get some decent food in your stomach, a good night’s sleep, and tomorrow you can start mending your fences.”

When Abby went to bed, she lay awake for a very long time, just thinking. She knew Vanessa was right about almost everything. Of course Abby had to be more cooperative with Cameron, and she had no real concern about Cameron’s ability to be a decent parent. If she hadn’t guessed that much when she met him a few months ago, she certainly knew it now. He took her crap and still honored her needs, protecting her privacy, trying to keep her from panic and fear. His attention was a hundred percent aimed at the welfare of the children.

And there was the rub. Despite what she said, Abby still had memories of their night together in Grants Pass that made her skin turn hot. Cameron was a dream lover. His every word and action made her feel adored. In his hands satisfaction had been complete, shatteringly perfect. He was just the kind of man every woman hoped for.

He was probably exactly that way with every woman he coaxed into bed. The charm, the sensitivity, the power, even the humor. After all, once he realized he was face-to-face with her and she carried his babies, he hadn’t said he thought himself to be in love with her. He’d demanded his paternal rights but hadn’t suggested marriage.

He had said he’d looked for her. Wanted more time with her…

She flopped over in bed. She had to let him off the hook for that love-and-marriage thing—she’d have laughed off any declarations of love anyway and she’d never have agreed to marry him, a virtual stranger. That would be crazy.

But he was right, and Vanni was right. He’d been considerate of her feelings and she had been a shrew. Her children would be better off with a good father they could be proud of, than they would be with no father at all. These ideas cost her quite a lot of sleep that night.

She was up very early, but she didn’t beat Paul to the kitchen. He was having a cup of coffee as dawn was just barely peeking over the horizon. He looked over the rim of the cup with round eyes. “I apologize,” she said before even saying good-morning. “I was a little crazy last night, but I’m going to the clinic first thing this morning to apologize to Cameron and try to work with him on our…project.”

He smiled slightly. “I guess that’s a good idea. Considering.”

“Got any better ideas?” she asked.

“Abby, I don’t know anything about having babies,” Paul said. “I just know that when little Matt was coming I worried so much about him. Vanni was so upset and sad, I worried that might hurt the baby in some way. I think Mel was worried, too, but she told me that if being worried and scared caused serious problems, there wouldn’t have been a single healthy birth in the history of the world. I just wish you could be happy.” He cleared his throat. “I bet Cameron’s on your side. Bet he wishes that, too.”

She tilted her head and just smiled at him. “You’re right. I have to work on that. After all, I have some problems, but they’re under control at the moment. And I’m going to move forward with Cameron. If he doesn’t hate me too much…”

“Oh, he doesn’t.” She shot him a questioning look. “I’m sure he doesn’t,” he amended. He smiled lamely.

“I wish I could have a good strong cup of coffee,” Abby said, looking jealously at Paul’s big mug.

He laughed at her. “See, that by itself could make you cranky. All the things you give up to be a good mother.”

Vanessa was barely up with the baby when Abby was shrugging into her coat to leave the house. She thought if she got to the clinic before they opened, she could have a word with Cameron in private. She wasn’t sure what that word was going to be besides, “Sorry.”

She had to bang on the door more than once and finally, she saw a shadow approaching. She glanced at her watch; it was only seven-thirty and they weren’t due to open for business till nine. When he opened the door, her first word was right on. “Oh, sorry.”

He was wearing sweatpants, his chest and feet bare, a towel slung around his neck and his hair wet from the shower. She flushed a little, remembering that wide, hard chest as it had been pressed against her breasts. And those muscular arms that had held him up over her to keep from crushing her with his weight.

“I wanted to get here early, but I think I got here too early,” she said.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, opening the door for her. “You all right?”

“Well, I guess so.”

“What’s wrong, Abby?” he asked, looking instantly concerned. “Are you sick? In pain? Anything physically wrong?”

“I was a bitch. I came to apologize.”

“Oh,” he said, letting out a slow breath. “Forget it. You were upset. We were both upset. Having twins isn’t stress free. Let’s let it go.”

“I thought maybe we could talk a minute, if you have time.”

He gave her a small smile. “How about a cup of herbal tea?”

“I’d rather have a strong cup of coffee with a little Irish Mist and lots of cream, but I suppose that’s out of the question….”

He laughed lightly. “Bad idea. But there’s tea in the kitchen. Mel has it on hand for the pregnant girls.”

“That’s me,” she said. “Mel’s not a tea drinker?”

“Oh, no. Mel’s a hard-core caffeine junkie. She’d take it in the vein if she could.”

“I relate. I might be in withdrawal. That could be half the problem.”

“The tea is herbal, so it’s also decaf.”

“Beautiful,” she said sarcastically. “One blow after another.”

And this time his laugh was a little stronger. “Come to the kitchen. Have you had breakfast?”

“If it’s all the same to you, I’ll save that for after we’ve talked a bit.”

He filled the kettle and glanced over his shoulder. “Something about this little mission of yours upsetting your stomach?”

“Something about two babies is upsetting my stomach. Double morning sickness. It’ll pass.” She sat down. “I’ve already thrown up this morning, so we’re safe for a while.”

Cameron stared down at the kettle on the stove. She wouldn’t understand this, but he wished he could have been there for that. He’d like to be around for even the worst parts of the pregnancy; he’d like to be the one she complained to, blamed, criticized and harangued. Even though he was already getting plenty of that, he hated that she suffered her upset without his arms around her, comforting her as she calmed down. Crazy as it was, he wanted to watch her turn pea green, shoot for the bathroom, come out white as a sheet and fall into his arms. He’d like to be the partner, not the silent partner. He’d like to feel her big belly pressed up against him at night, waking him with the romping inside. He turned around and looked at her. “Would you like some soda crackers?”

“No, thank you.”

“You’re still having morning sickness at five months?”

“’Fraid so. Mel said it happens. Some of us are lucky. And I’m double lucky. My hormones have obviously gone wild.”

He got a cup and tea bag ready, poured himself a cup of high-test coffee, strong the way Mel liked it, and sat at the table with her.

“I don’t know where to start,” she said. “Cameron, I was mean and horrible last night and I’m sorry. I think I felt out of control. I’m not really angry with you. I’m not afraid you’d be a terrible father. It’s just this mess of mine. I’d like to keep you out of it. I’d like to keep the babies out of it.”

“I understand.”

“That night…The night this happened…” She took a breath. “I was upset, depressed, didn’t know which way to turn…. I never meant for something like that to happen. I shouldn’t have let it happen. It’s all my fault.”

“Abby, there’s no fault,” he said. He reached for her hand, but the teakettle whistled and he pulled back. He stood and fixed up her tea, bringing it to her. He got a spoon, cream and sugar. Then he sat down again while she dunked the tea bag. “Listen, it wasn’t about fault. We’re adults. We were adults that night, and it wasn’t a bad night. It was nice.”

“It was a mistake,” she said. “That isn’t the way I get to know men.”

“I know that. It isn’t the way I get to know women either,” he said. “We deserve a second chance.”

She sighed. “Which is the point. Vanni sat me down last night. She gave me a stern talking-to. If we’re both going to be parents, we have to at least get along. I can’t treat you like the enemy—you’ve been nothing but nice to me. I guess I just don’t know how to go about that—the getting along part. The part where you get to be the father without anyone knowing you’re the father.”

“We should have just talked about it. Because I have some ideas about that.”

Her eyes shot open wide. “You do?”

“I do,” he said.

She leaned her chin on her hand. “I can’t wait to hear this.”

“First of all, we don’t have to explain anything to anyone, ever. There’s the starting point. We can be friendly now without any suspicion. We can see each other casually, become friends. Abby, you’re a beautiful, sexy, funny woman. You’re carrying twins and I’m a pediatrician. I love babies and beautiful women. The fact that you’re a single pregnant woman wouldn’t scare me off—why would it? For someone like me to be attracted to someone like you, even if we hadn’t had our history, isn’t so strange. People are likely to think it’s a Lifetime movie. Nothing but happy endings.”

“I don’t know about that,” she said.

“Well, I’m not embarrassed by what happened. If we wanted to, we could just say we met in Grants Pass while you were visiting your good friend, we got to know each other, we got along. We didn’t date long, but there was an attraction and…well…these things happen. The details aren’t important and none of anyone’s business but ours.”

“These things happen,” she repeated, shaking her head.

“It’s not mysterious. In fact, it’s not a crime. The few people who know aren’t going to tip off Kid Crawford, if that’s what has you panicked.”

“Few people?” she asked.

“It’s up to a few. There was Mel, Vanni and Dr. Stone. Now there’s Paul, and thanks to a little time we had at the bar together last night, Jack. Jack’s the only wild card, I think, and he won’t say anything because he doesn’t want to have to deal with Mel on that issue. Paul doesn’t want Vanni to kill him, so he’s airtight.”

“Shew,” she said.

“Thing is, it might get out eventually. It’s kind of funny in a way—”

“Funny?”

“Think about it—two strangers are sitting alone in a bar, feeling sorry for themselves, and not only do they get together and find a lot of comfort in each other, they start a family. And not just a baby, but twins. Then they end up in the same small town. No one would believe it. I know it wasn’t planned, but I’m not sorry about the outcome.”

She looked angry. At least indignant. “Well, I’m sorry!”

“No, you’re not. You hate the complications, but there are twins coming and I’m going to be around to help you with that. One’s a boy. I hope the other one’s a girl. These might be the only kids I get, and I hope I get one of each.” He grinned stupidly and knew it.

“You know, if you had all these legal and financial things hanging on you, you wouldn’t be so cavalier.”

“I think we should see a lawyer,” he said.

“I have a lawyer!”

“I’m not sure you have a good one. You got screwed.”

“Listen, Cameron, I can’t afford another lawyer. The last one almost wiped me out. I pulled all my retirement funds, cashed in my stock, which wasn’t much, sold my condo…”

“I’ll take care of it.”

She was struck dumb. “Why would you do that?”

“Because, Abby, it’s in my best interest to help you get this monkey off your back. If we have a clean slate, maybe we can work as a team.” He sat back. “That’s my hope.”

“I don’t want you to do that,” she said sternly. “I don’t want to owe you that much.”

He just shrugged. “You’re stuck with me either way. They’re mine as much as they’re yours.”

“What a godawful, stinking mess,” she said, pouting and lifting the cup to her lips.

Cameron was silent. Frowning. When she put the cup down, she looked at him and said, “What now?”

He shook his head and said, “You wouldn’t want to hear about some of the sad things I’ve seen in my practice. Abby, you’re worried about all the wrong things—about who’s going to pay for the lawyer, about being embarrassed that we didn’t have a long relationship before this happened. Give thanks. The babies are healthy and strong and, so far as we can tell, perfect.”

Her hand went to her tummy. “Are you the calm and reasonable one because you’re not the pregnant one?” she asked.

“No, sweetheart. Because I’m the desperate one. You’re holding the prize.”

By the time Jack got home at the end of a long day, the children were asleep and Mel was on the computer. He kissed her, then went to the kitchen and looked through the mail. He found a letter from Rick.

Since the boy was thirteen, Jack had looked out for him, tried to help him into manhood with strength and courage, with goodness. It was with a combination of pride and trepidation that he had sent him off to the Marine Corps at the age of eighteen. It was Rick’s decision, one hundred percent. Jack never fought him on it, though he had wanted to send Rick to college and had put aside money for that.

Now Rick was in Iraq where Jack had served two tours in his own Marine career. Rick sent a letter home to Jack sometimes as often as every two weeks, at least once a month, and he usually sent it to the bar so that everyone could hear the latest news. He also wrote to his grandmother, who was his only family, and his girl, Liz, who lived in Eureka.

But this letter hadn’t gone to the bar. Jack ripped it open at once.

Dear Jack,

God, I’m sorry to do this to you. I gotta get this out—and I don’t want my grandma or Liz upset. But you know about this stuff. You know how it is, and I have to lay it on someone who won’t freak out. You would’ve gotten some of this on the news, but you wouldn’t have known it had anything to do with me. We moved on Haditha Dam, doing house-to-house searches, trying to root out al Qaeda insurgents, and one of the squads right in front of us was obliterated by a bomb. A truck bomb. There was only one survivor in that squad, and they were a tight squad. Tighter than ours. One survivor, Jack. Holy Jesus, I think I’d rather be dead than watch eleven of my best friends blow up. I knew some of them. Sonny was waiting for a baby, Gravis was engaged, and Dom was this little Italian kid who was just scared shitless all the time. He wanted to go home so bad, he cried. Cried. But his whole squad was holding him up, taking care of him, trying to bolster him and prop him up all the time. They never cut anyone out of their fold—no matter what kind of problem they had. The guy that made it, the one guy, he has a girlfriend back home, and he’ll get back to her, but he’s going to be messed up. But he doesn’t even get to leave yet—they’re moving him to another squad. Holy God, I hope they move him out of the worst of this shit—it’s horrible.

They were right in front of us, Jack. Another two minutes, it would’ve been us. I can’t hardly sleep since that happened. A couple of my boys puked and one fainted, I think. He got back on his feet real fast and denied it, but I think he really passed out. There was so much screaming I couldn’t tell if it was me or the rest of them. It was all black and cloudy and then it was all blood. I wanted to die on the spot. I hit the ground because there was so much shooting I didn’t know for sure I wouldn’t take one from my own platoon.

Right after the bomb and all the shooting, an Army Cobra came in and bombed the shit out of one of the buildings. Debris everywhere, really heavy stuff. Big hunks of cement and wood, flying like missiles through the air.

This place is like hell sometimes. I’m sorry to write you this stuff. Don’t tell anyone—don’t get anyone scared or upset. My grandma and Liz can’t know this shit. We just have to keep them thinking positive.

And then—if all that crap isn’t bad enough, I think I killed a guy. We couldn’t recover a body, but I saw a sniper and I nailed him. If he managed to crawl away, he didn’t get far because he left behind too much blood to make it out alive. I didn’t believe this could happen, because I was so far away, but I saw the look on his face. And for just one second I thought, why’d I get him before he got me? War can’t be luck. Not with the amount of training we put ourselves through.

My squad’s all shook up. Hell, the battalion’s all torn up. Since I’ve been over here, I haven’t seen an American die—and then eleven of them went up in one giant explosion. Jack, it was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. And then I killed a guy.

I’m sorry. I had to tell you. Don’t get anyone upset with this. Burn this.

Jack, I’m not scared. Sometimes I get nervous, my adrenaline gets pumping real hard, it works on my brain a lot, but I’m okay. I don’t want you to worry that I’m scared and will do something stupid—I use the fear to keep me sharp. Some of the boys are terrified, but it’s real easy to see it isn’t going to do them any good to give in to that.

I’m still okay. But I had to write this to someone who could take it, someone who’d understand, because it’s so freaking awful and if I keep it in my gut, it’s going to eat me alive.

Rick

Jack’s hands shook as he read. And reread. He had fallen into a kitchen chair. He felt his wife’s small hand on his shoulder and turned his eyes up to her.

“What is it?” she asked him.

“It’s from Rick. It’s not good. It can’t be shared with anyone, he says.”

She held out her hand. “That doesn’t include me,” she said.

“Mel, it’s very ugly.”

“I need to know what makes your hands shake, Jack. We get through things together.”

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