The Way to Yesterday

Mary sighed. “Daniel…I’m—”

Hope started crying. Daniel took a deep breath and momentarily closed his eyes, as if trying to make himself calm. When he looked up, Mary actually flinched and took a step backward. That hurt him most of all. Dear God! Did she actually think he would strike her?

Hope’s wails increased.

Suddenly, he snapped.

“Damn it all to hell, Mary Faith. That does it! I am taking you to the emergency room. We’ll drop Hope off at Mom’s on the way. No need exposing her to God knows what. And when we get home, we’re going to talk. I don’t know what’s wrong with us…but I am sick and tired of being shut out of your life. Do you hear me?”

“No!” Mary cried, and clutched his arm. “Please don’t take Hope to your mother’s house. I don’t need to go to the emergency room. It’ll be fine. See…it’s almost stopped bleeding.”

Daniel ignored her and kept walking toward the living room to get their baby.

Mary followed, still begging him to stay, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. She watched in horror as Daniel got a fresh bottle from the fridge, packed the diaper bag and then picked up their crying baby. Almost instantly, Hope’s crying stopped, but now Mary was in tears.

“I won’t go!” she cried. “You can’t make me.”

Daniel turned, staring at her as if she were a stranger.

“Fine,” he said. “Stay here. But I’m still taking Hope to Mom’s and when I get back, we’re going to talk.”

He strode out of the house, put Hope in the baby seat in the back of their car and strapped her in, ignoring the fact that Mary had followed him out into the yard, still begging him to stay.

The moment he laid Hope down, she began to cry again. But Daniel couldn’t let himself focus on her tears. Her diaper was dry and she wasn’t in pain. She just liked to be rocked to sleep and he’d laid her down a bit too soon.

“Hush, baby girl,” he said softly. “You’re okay. You’re okay. Grandma Phyllis will rock you back to sleep when we get to her house.”

He closed the back door and then turned to get in when Mary grabbed at his arm.

“Daniel…please! Don’t! You don’t know what you’re doing to me.”

He frowned. “To you? Damn it, Mary Faith! Don’t you know what you’ve done to me? To us?”

Panic began to rise.

Mary stepped back, watching in horror as Daniel got into the car and closed the door.

Her heart began to race—her stomach turned. She didn’t want to be here again. She knew what was going to happen. She’d seen it every night in her sleep for the past six years.

Oh God…wake me up before the crash. Please…I don’t have the strength to see it again.

Daniel started the car. Mary stood, frozen to the spot, listening to the sound of her daughter’s shrieks. Daniel put the car in gear and began backing down the drive. Mary could already hear the sound of an approaching siren, but Daniel couldn’t hear for the baby’s cries.

Oh God…oh God.

The brown sports car suddenly appeared, careening around the corner and fishtailing as the driver tried to maintain control.

Oh God…oh God.

The police car came seconds later, sirens at full blast—lights flashing.

And Daniel is looking at me, not behind him.

Suddenly, Mary bolted, screaming as she ran, and threw herself on the hood of the car. Daniel hit the brakes and then put the car in Park just as Mary slid off the hood.

His heart was in his mouth as he bolted from the car. Dear God…if Mary had fallen beneath the wheels he would never forgive—

Suddenly, he became aware of the sirens and spun in shock, just in time to see the sports car spin out of control. A heartbeat later, the police car broadsided it and the cars exploded in a ball of flame.

Without thinking, he slammed the car door to keep flying debris from hitting Hope and threw himself over Mary’s prone body.

Mary was in shock. The dream! It wasn’t the same! It wasn’t the same. Overwhelmed with relief, she started to cry. Thank God. Thank God. Maybe this meant she was starting to heal. Even if it was just a dream, she’d given herself a happy ending.

“Mary, darling…are you all right?”

Daniel’s weight on her back felt wonderful, as did the sound of his voice in her ears.

“Yes, Daniel, I am now.”

He pulled her to her feet and then held her tight, pressing her face against his chest as he stared at the two cars engulfed in flames.

“If you hadn’t stopped me, we would have—”

“Don’t say it,” Mary begged, and put her hand to his lips. Then she moved from his arms to the car, opened the back door and lifted her screaming daughter from the seat. “It’s all right, punkin…it’s all right,” Mary crooned. “Mommy’s got you now. You’re going to be just fine.”

Daniel watched the two most important women in his life walk back in the house, then got in his car and pulled it back up the drive, away from the flames. Already, he could hear more approaching sirens. The neighbors must have called the police. It was just as well. He’d been too shaken too think past his own family’s safety.

With one last regretful glance at the cars and for the demise of both drivers, he hurried back into his home and found Mary in the rocker, singing softly to their daughter as she drifted off to sleep.

Without talking, he went into the kitchen, stood at the sink and stared down into the bloody water for a moment, then pulled the stopper. As the water began to drain away, he saw the knife at the bottom of the sink that had cut Mary’s hand. Cursing softly, he laid it on the counter, refilled the sink with clean water and soap, and did the dishes. He could still hear Mary singing, but Hope was no longer crying. At least she was happy because now he felt like crying. He’d come so close to killing both himself and Hope.

Bracing himself against the top of the washing machine, he closed his eyes and dropped his head.

“Thank you, Lord,” he muttered, then took the clean clothes out of the washer and dropped them into the dryer before grabbing the broom and sweeping the kitchen floor.

A short while later, he had finished with the morning chores. He went into the living room to check on Mary and found Hope asleep in the bassinet and Mary asleep on the sofa. Pain wrapped itself around his heart and squeezed. Not much, but just enough to remind him of what he’d almost lost. Then he picked Hope up from the bassinet and carried her into the nursery down the hall, covered her up with her favorite blanket and closed the door. She would sleep for at least an hour, maybe more.

He went back to the living room, gazed down at his wife’s thin, pale face and then at the blood seeping from beneath the bandages on her finger and sighed. She probably needed stitches, but what was done, was done. He got a small towel and wrapped it around Mary’s hand, then covered her with an afghan. She needed to sleep worse than she needed stitches, and he needed to think.

Chapter 2

Mary woke with a start, then sat up in fright. Hope’s old bassinet was in the living room, her finger was throbbing, and it was almost noon. She wouldn’t stop to let herself even wonder where that bassinet had come from or why her finger was wrapped up in a bandage and towel. The last thing she remembered was walking into an antique shop. How she’d gotten home was beyond her and why she was on the sofa instead of in her bedroom was beside the point. She had overslept and her boss at the dress shop was bound to fire her.

Thinking she would immediately call in to the store, she bolted to her feet, frantically searching for the phone, but it wasn’t in its usual place. Then she saw the stroller by the front door and Daniel’s jacket on the back of a chair and went weak with relief.

The dream.

She was still having the dream, and as long as she slept, Daniel and Hope were still alive.

She looked in the nursery. The baby wasn’t there, but when she walked back in the hall and heard the soft rumble of Daniel’s laughter and a high-pitched baby squeal, it made her smile. Following the sounds to the small patio beyond the kitchen, she found Daniel in a chaise lounge under their shade tree, holding Hope against his chest. She was on her back, her arms and legs beating the air as she gazed upward into the treetop.

She combed her fingers through Daniel’s thick, dark hair, relishing the feel of it against her palm, and then leaned down and kissed the side of his cheek.

“You shouldn’t have let me sleep so long.”

He looked up and smiled. “Why not? You needed it, honey. Besides, where else would I rather be than with my girls?”

Mary conscience tugged. If only she believed that he meant it.

“Really, Daniel? Do you really mean that? In spite of…I mean, things haven’t been…”

“Come sit by me.”

She hesitated, then when he moved his feet to give her room, she sat. She glanced at Daniel and then focused her attention on Hope, laughing at the baby’s antics, unaware that Daniel was watching her and not their child.

Except for being thinner and paler, and a little the worse for a constant lack of sleep, she was the same pretty woman she’d always been. Hair the color of caramel taffy framed a small, slender face. Sometimes he thought her eyes were blue. Sometimes they almost looked green. But he could always see the tenderness of her spirit looking out at him from within. Only now, Daniel was trying to understand where her uncertainty had come from. Before they’d married, he’d never seen her down or second-guessing herself. Now she seemed to do nothing else.

“Mary?”

She looked up and the expression on his face was a bit frightening.

“What?” she asked, and then caught herself holding her breath as she awaited his response.

“What’s happening between us?”

Her shoulders slumped. “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” he said gently.

“You’re right. It’s me. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so mean and hateful.” Her chin trembled. “I don’t mean to be.”

“You aren’t mean or hateful,” he said. “And it’s not you. It’s something else, isn’t it?”

Tell him. Tell him how much Phyllis hates me.

“I don’t know what you mean.” She was saved from having to talk further as the phone began to ring. “I’ll get it,” she said, and ran for the back door, leaving Daniel with a heavy heart and unanswered questions.

A few moments later she peeked out the back door.

“It’s Phyllis. She wants to talk to you.”

Daniel looked at Mary. That sick, nervous expression was back on her face.

“Tell Mom I’ll call her back later, okay?”

Mary nodded and then went back into the living room and picked up the receiver.

“Phyllis, he’s outside with Hope. He said he’ll call you later.”

“You’re lying. You didn’t even tell him, did you?”

Mary’s stomach knotted. “Of course I’m not lying. He said he’d call you back.”

“I don’t believe you,” Phyllis snapped.

The phone went dead in Mary’s ear. She replaced the receiver and then slumped where she sat. Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on her knees and covered her face, trying to regain her composure before she went back outside. But when she stood up and turned, Daniel was standing in the doorway.

Mary flinched, wondering how much of their conversation that he’d heard.

“I was just coming back out,” she said, and made herself smile.

“Hope’s wet,” he said.

“I’ll change her,” Mary said, took her from Daniel’s arms and escaped into the nursery.

Daniel’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he watched her go. He hadn’t heard the conversation, but he’d heard the panic in her voice. What the hell was going on? Better yet—why wouldn’t she tell him?

He followed her into the nursery and slipped an arm around her shoulders as she fastened the last tab on Hope’s diaper. Just for a moment, he felt her hesitate and then lean back against his chest, just as she’d done so many times before. His heart quickened. He couldn’t remember the last time she’d let her guard down like that.

“Are you okay?”

The deep rumble of his voice, as well as the gentleness of his touch, was almost her undoing. She wanted to tell him now, in the quiet of their daughter’s room, but then he took hold of the hand that she’d cut and placed a tender kiss in the palm of her hand.

“How about we give this poor little hand a rest? I’ll make us some sandwiches for lunch and tonight we could order in. We’ll have an early dinner…maybe watch a movie. It’s been a long time since we’ve done anything for us.”

She laid Hope in her crib and then turned, unaware that the shimmer in her eyes was a dead giveaway of her emotions.

“I’d love that. You choose the food. I’ll choose the movie.”

He grinned. “As long as you don’t make me watch You’ve Got Mail again, you’ve got a deal.”

Mary made a face. “But I like Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.”

“I do, too, but I’ve seen that movie enough already to last me a lifetime.”

“Then how about Sleepless in Seattle?” she asked, fully aware that her two favorite actors also starred in that movie, as well.

He growled as he swung her off her feet.

“You pick the food. I’ll pick the movie,” he bargained.

“Chinese.”

“Lethal Weapon.”

They laughed in unison and then walked out of the room arm in arm. For now, the tension between them had been shoved aside in the joy of the unexpected reunion.

Less than an hour later, the doorbell rang. Daniel was in the act of slicing tomatoes for their lunch.

“I’ll get it,” Mary said. The smile was still on her face as she opened the door, but when she saw the expression on Phyllis O’Rourke’s face, it was all she could do to be civil. “Phyllis…what a nice surprise. Please, come in.”

“Where’s Daniel?”

“In the kitchen making sandwiches for our lunch. We’d love to have you join us.”

Phyllis glared. “Isn’t it enough that he works all week as a lawyer? Must he come home and feed himself, too?”

Mary’s stomach began to knot. She held up her bandaged hand to add to a hasty explanation.

“I cut myself this morning. He’s only helping—”

“It’s always something with you, isn’t it?” Phyllis said, and physically pushed Mary aside as she strode into the house.

Mary staggered, then steadied herself by grabbing onto the small table in the hall. Sick at heart, she turned around and saw Daniel standing in the doorway. The look on his face was somewhere between disbelief and fury.

“Mother?”

Phyllis turned, her expression full of indignation.

“I called you about an hour ago, did you know that?”

“Yes, Mary told me. Didn’t she tell you that I would call you back when I had time?”

Phyllis looked as if she’d just been drop-kicked. She glanced at Mary and then back at her son.

“Well…yes…I suppose she mentioned it, but you didn’t call and I needed…” She took a deep breath and started over, refusing to admit she’d been wrong. “Your Aunt Evelyn is in town. She and Hubert are coming to dinner tonight and I want you to come.”

Daniel looked at his mother, then at Mary, who was still clutching the hall table as if it were a lifeline. Suddenly, things were beginning to make sense.

Mary braced herself, waiting for Daniel to accept and knowing that she would have to endure a night of misery when they went. But Daniel surprised her by refusing.

“Sorry, Mom,” then he walked past Phyllis and put an arm around Mary and gave her a quick hug. “We’ve already made other plans.”

Phyllis’s lips went slack. If he’d slapped her, she wouldn’t have been more surprised. She glared at Mary, convinced that the woman was, somehow, at the bottom of Daniel’s refusal.

“But Evelyn hasn’t seen your daughter and there’s no telling when they’ll be back in town.”

Ignoring the whine in his mother’s voice, he tightened his grip on Mary.

“Hope isn’t just my daughter, Mother, she’s our daughter, and I’m sorry we can’t come. Tell Aunt Evelyn we’ll send her some pictures, okay?”

Mary was in shock. She still couldn’t believe what was happening or what had caused it, but it was all she could do not to giggle with relief.

“Want to stay and have lunch with us?” Daniel asked. “It’s not much. I’m not as good a cook as Mary, but she cut her hand pretty badly this morning and I’m filling in. I still think she should have gotten stitches, but she thought otherwise. Anyway, it’s only canned soup and sandwiches, but I slice a pretty mean tomato.”

Phyllis wouldn’t look at Mary and couldn’t meet Daniel’s gaze.

“No…I’d better not. Since I’m having company tonight, there are a dozen things I need to do.” She smoothed a hand down the front of her dress and then lifted her chin and made herself smile. “Thank you for the invitation, though. Maybe some other time.”

“Give our love to Hubert and Evelyn,” Daniel said.

“Yes…yes, I will,” Phyllis muttered. “They’re going to be disappointed.”

Daniel chuckled. “Then maybe next time they’ll call ahead and let people know they’re coming.”

Phyllis didn’t bother to comment as she let herself out of the house.

The moment she was gone, Daniel took Mary by the shoulders.

“Mary…”

She sighed, then looked up.

“Talk to me.”

“What is there to say?”

“You can start by telling me how long she’s been treating you like this.”

Mary’s chin trembled, but she wouldn’t let herself cry.

“Since the day she found out I was pregnant and we were going to get married.”

“No way!”

“Oh, but yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Suddenly, Mary’s chin jutted mutinously. “And say what? That your mother thinks you would never have asked me to marry you if I hadn’t gotten pregnant?”

“That would have been fine for starters,” he muttered.

“I couldn’t,” she said, then pulled out of his grasp and turned away.

“Why the hell not?”

She answered, but the words were spoken so softly, he couldn’t hear what she said.

“What did you say?”

She pivoted sharply, her voice rising in misplaced anger.

“Because I wasn’t sure but what it might be the truth.”

Daniel was momentarily speechless, unable to believe the words that had come out of her mouth.

“You can’t be serious!”

She stood her ground without answering.

Daniel tried to draw a deep breath and choked on tears instead.

“My God, Mary Faith…how can you doubt me like that?”

Mary’s lips trembled as her eyes welled.

“Oh, baby…don’t,” Daniel begged. “Please don’t cry.”

He pulled her close; his hands shaking as he tunneled his fingers through her hair, then rocked her where she stood.

“I promise you will never suffer another indignity from my family and I apologize for being blind to what they’ve been doing. Trust me. It won’t happen again. I love you so much, sweetheart, and losing you would kill me.”

“You can’t lose me,” she whispered. “And I love you, too, Daniel. Forever.”

“Okay, then,” he said softly, then gave her a kiss so tender that it stole her breath away.

“Are you real hungry?”

Mary tilted her head, meeting his gaze with a smile.

“Not for food.”

“Thank God,” he muttered, and swept her off her feet and into his arms. “Now if Hope will just stay asleep for a little while longer…”

Mary leaned her cheek against his shoulder as he carried her down the hall to their bedroom.

“It’s been a long time,” she said softly, as he laid her down on their bed.

“Too long,” Daniel said softly, and began unbuttoning his shirt.

The last thought in Mary’s head was a small prayer that this dream would not end.

It was three o’clock in the morning when the phone rang. Daniel jerked in his sleep and then reached for the receiver before he was fully awake, not wanting it to ring again for fear it would awaken Hope.

Mary sat straight up in bed, listening as Daniel answered.

“Hello? Mom! What’s wrong? What? Slow down…slow down…you’re not making any sense.”

Phyllis took a deep breath and then started to cry.

“Oh, Daniel…it’s gone. Everything is gone!”

“What’s gone, Mom?”

“Our home. Our car. The clothes. All of my pictures.”

Daniel swung his legs to the side of the bed.

“What are you saying?”

“The house caught on fire.” She choked on a sob. “Everything is gone.”

“Are you and Dad all right?”

“Yes, but—”

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Across the street at Bob and Julia’s. Hang on a minute, will you? Your father is trying to tell me something.”

“Yes, sure,” he said, and wiped a shaky hand across his face as he began to visualize the enormity of the loss. It was the house he’d grown up in, and there was nothing left but memories.

Mary clutched Daniel’s arm, her voice taut with anxiety. “What happened?”

“Mom and Dad’s house burned down.”

“Oh no! Are they all right?”

He nodded.

“Go get them. They belong with us.”

Daniel sighed. Hearing Mary say what he’d already contemplated was a huge relief. After what he’d witnessed earlier, he’d feared the last thing Mary would stand for was having his parents under her roof.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and then turned back to the phone. “Mom?”

“I’m here,” she said. “Mike wanted me to tell you which motel we’ll be at.”

“No motel, Mom. We want you here. As soon as I get dressed, I’m coming after you and Dad.”

Phyllis hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face her daughter-in-law under such intimate circumstances.

“Are you sure?” she finally asked. “I mean, your wife might not—”

“Her name is Mary, Mom, and it was her idea first. Not mine. I’ll see you soon.”

Phyllis heard him disconnect and then replaced the receiver. She knew Daniel. When he set his mind to something, there was no turning him back. She looked at her husband.

“Mike, go wash your face. Daniel is coming to get us.”

Mary dashed into the spare bedroom as Daniel pulled out of the driveway. It would take him about twenty minutes to get across town to where his parents lived, then another twenty or so to get back. It would give her just enough time to put clean sheets on the spare bed and find some fresh clothing for Phyllis and Mike to put on. Her hands were shaking as she began her duties, trying to imagine the heartbreak of losing forty years of accumulated possessions and memorabilia.

Then suddenly she froze. She still had all the worldly possessions. It was her loved ones that were really gone.

In that moment, she felt herself trying to surface from the indulgence of this fantasy. Before it could happen, Hope let out a wail and Mary began resubmerging, pushing away the fear and returning to the dream—because it was safer—and because it was where she wanted to be.

She blinked, then looked up. The bedroom was still the same and Daniel’s winter clothes were still hanging in the extra closet. With a sigh of relief, she pulled the last pillow slip onto the pillow and dropped it in place, making sure that the bed was turned back in an inviting manner, then bolted out of the room toward the nursery.

“Mommy’s coming, honey. Don’t cry.”

She’d taken a coffee cake out of the freezer and had it thawing on the cabinet. Hope had been changed and fed and Mary was in the act of laying out a clean nightgown and pajamas when she heard Daniel’s car in the driveway. With a last look at the bedroom to assure herself that everything was in place, she hurried to the front door. They were just coming up the steps as she opened the door to greet them.

“Phyllis…Mike…thank goodness you’re both all right.”

She took Phyllis by the hand and pulled her into the house. They were red-eyed and soot-stained and the smell of smoke was all about them.

“I’m so sorry,” she said softly, then gave Phyllis a quick hug before moving on to Daniel’s father. “Mike, tell me you’re both okay?”