The Boy Most Likely To

Enough. Who’s this weird about pulling into a driveway? Who cases the street beforehand? I can’t see through the tinted windows.

Dealers?

Maybe the garage apartment’s new tenant has brought his sketchy past with him.

Or hired a hooker to join the party.

I stalk down the steps to the car.

Rap sharply on the window.

Right as it occurs to me what a stupid thing this is to do.

No weapon. No Mace. Unless they’re vulnerable to the power of Harry’s authentic Nerfblaster Lightsaber with glow-in-the-dark detailing, lying in the grass nearby.

The car turns back on, window slowly rolling down, and I’m staring at a girl, my own age or younger, with long brown hair and huge, thickly lashed blue eyes, wide and unblinking in the throw-back glow of her headlights.

“Looking for someone?”

She edges back at the sound of my voice. Her fingers, with chipped dark pink polish, clenched at the ten-and-two position on the wheel, tighten even more.

“Yes. No. I mean . . . I . . .” she stammers. “I . . . I –”

“Are you lost?”

She gives a quick, unsteady laugh, and then says, “You got that right. Sorry – don’t worry about it. I’ll find my way.” Then she rolls the window up and backs out as slowly as she drove in.

Chapter Nine

“I’m coming in, we need to talk,” I say before the door’s even half-open.

Tim blinks at me, takes a step back, then peers over my head as though expecting a lynch mob.

“The scariest phrase in the universe.” He’s wearing baggy striped pajama bottoms, with a toothbrush in one hand, Crest poised in the other.

“Let me in,” I repeat, louder.

“Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. You’re looking predatory.” He stares down at my shirt, slightly damp with rain. “And your – uh – chest is heaving. Is that you huffing and puffing?”

“Tim. Now.” I’m not here to be disarmed.

Raising his hands holding the toothbrush and Crest, he steps aside. I brush past him, into the center of the room. My room. Which he’s completely marked as his territory. Open Grape-Nuts cereal box and an empty carton of orange juice on the counter next to a worn leather wallet and a handful of crumpled bills. Socks and a sweatshirt balled up in a corner. More clothes piled on the couch. Dishes in the sink. An iPod with a tangled wad of chargers and an Xbox next to the TV.

A lavender windbreaker tossed on the bean bag chair.

“Look, for starters, where’s the girl?”

Except when he’s loaded, I’ve never seen Tim so slow on the uptake. Now he’s blinking again. “Um – you mean . . . ? What girl?”

“You’ve got more than one? Look – you can’t do this – I need to be here, and I’m sorry if you were planning to use this place for your hookups and booty calls or whatever. I don’t care what you told Jase you’d pay, he had no right to go ahead and hand this over to you.”

Tim tosses the toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter, grabs a pack of Marlboros, whips out a lighter, shakes out a cigarette, and lights up, all in about two seconds.

I scowl at him. Smoking in my apartment.

“Sorry – where are my manners? Want one?” he asks around the cigarette trapped between his lips.

The bedroom door opens and out comes . . .

Nan, Tim’s nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof twin sister.

“So, yeah,” she says, twisting a coil of hair around a finger and reaching back to flip off the light, “I’ll reassure Mom I did my duty. Think she wanted me to tuck you in too? I forgot to bring Pierre the Bear, but I can . . .” She stumbles to a halt. “Oh – hi, Alice.”

“Hey, Nan.” I give her a brief, but actually genuine smile, which she returns hesitantly. This girl, she’s like one of Jase’s animals that was badly treated by its previous owner.

“We can skip the tucking in,” Tim tells her. “Sending over sheets and towels, that was – uh, nice. Tell Ma thanks. Not when Pop’s around, though. Pretty sure I’m supposed to be sleeping under some newspaper on a sidewalk grate somewhere.”

Nan bites her pinkie nail, tearing at the cuticle so savagely, mine nearly bleeds in sympathy. Studying me with a vertical line between her eyebrows, identical to Tim’s, she picks up the windbreaker, looks back and forth between us, then doesn’t budge – until Tim sets his hand in the middle of her back, steering her toward the door.

“Good deed done, Two-Shoes. You’d better beat it. I don’t think Alice here wants any witnesses to the homicide.”

When the door closes behind her, he gestures at me, like, bring it on. Then, before I can say a word, “You want me to get lost, right, Alice? Spreading like a virus, that. Schools, jobs, my folks – should I start a running tally? We can put a list on the fridge.”

No flirty flippancy. Hard, sarcastic – like a shove. I haven’t heard him like this since he first stopped drinking. Then he studies me, eyes drifting from my face down to my clenched fists, back to my face again.

He turns away. “Shit, I’m sorry, Alice. I was gonna go to my friend Connell’s, but he relapsed, so that was a no-go. Jase said . . . I didn’t know this place was supposed to be yours. Shoulda guessed. No worries. I’m one hell of a fast packer.” He tosses me the kind of smile one of my little brothers would after skinning his knee. See, I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt at all.

Then he starts skimming the crumpled bills off the counter, shoving them in the wallet, concentrating harder on it than the job requires.

“Where will you go? Back home?”

“Not your problem, Hot Alice.”

I examine his downturned face, but the parts I can see reveal nothing. He finishes with the wallet, tries to shove it in his back pocket, then seems to realize his pajama bottoms have no such thing.

“Wait. Why exactly are you here, Tim?”

Shrugging, he steps around me to pick up an empty cardboard box from the floor, tosses the wallet, then the sweatshirt and socks into it. Automatically assuming I’m kicking him to the curb right this second, late on a windy, rainy night.

Even I am not that cold.

Then I get it, sharp as a slap.

His parents were on that get-lost list. His own mom and dad kicked him out.

When Tim glances at me, he goes suddenly, stunningly red, wraps both arms around his middle. “What?”

“How . . .” I start; I’m not sure how to finish. I can’t even imagine. “Never mind. I’m making you tea and you’re going to tell me what happened,” I say.

“Or what? I might like my other options better. Spanking? Water torture? I can get the shower going in no time.”

Amazingly, there is tea. But of course no kettle. I fill a saucepan with water and cross my fingers that there are mugs. Ah yes, ugly black-and-yellow ones from Fitness Planet. Joel’s such a class act. I turn to the fridge to see if there’s actually milk too, and there, tacked to it, is a list. A long one, in various different colors of messy, boy-handwriting scrawls.

Tim Mason: The Boy Most Likely To . . .

Need a liver transplant

Find the liquor cabinet blindfolded

Drive his car into a house

I scan down the paper.

“Find the sugar,” I say to him. “Then tell me the rest.”

“I doubt there’s sugar,” he says, “but I see resistance is futile. Hey – it’s not a big deal. Turns out . . . I guess . . . my parents, my pop . . . quitting the senator gig? Final straw. Embarrassing, see – Grace Reed is a family friend, yada, yada – he’s done with me. I’m out the door – no need to turn up for Sunday dinner. Small upside, that. And I’ve got four months to turn it all around until I’m out a college fund, and probably stricken from the family Bible. End of story.”

Now I feel sick. “He couldn’t have been serious – I mean . . . he’s your dad.”

Tim looks down at his fingers, raising his eyebrows as though surprised not to find the cigarette still there. “He’s a serious guy, Pop.” His voice deepens. “Time to be a man, Tim. Maybe I should have read the fine print on ditching ol’ Gracie. That it meant” – he indicates the apartment – “this. But, I mean – he didn’t repo my car and yank my allowance or anything.” The smile that follows is tight, not his open, wicked one. “In his defense? He did offer me a scotch for the road.”

I inhale sharply and he reddens again, rubs his hands through his hair so some parts are sticking straight up. I turn to the cabinet again, searching for sugar, but no such luck. “You’re going to have to go without sugar.”

He nods. “Here’s where I tell you you’re sweet enough, right?”

“It’s definitely not. Move, so I can pour this without burning you.” I slosh the boiling liquid into one cup, then the other, nod toward the couch. “Keep talking.”

“While the Ilsa-the-She-Wolf-of-the-SS act is hot as hell, Alice, there’s really nothing more to say. It’s probably temporary anyway. If me not being office boy for Senator Grace is embarrassing for Pop, you can only imagine how he’d feel about me hanging around the steps of the building and loan with a tin cup.” Tim collapses onto the couch anyway, without bringing the mug along. ”Can we talk about something else? You? Your endless collection of bikinis? Your tan lines? I notice you don’t have any. Wanna show and tell?”

I carry both mugs from the kitchen, set his down in front of him.

“Look. Stay. I mean . . . I can wait. It’s only fair. Jase didn’t know I wanted it anyway. Four months is nothing. You can be here for four months and then . . .” I trail off.

Then what?

Troubled gray eyes search my face for a long time. Finally, he sighs, shakes his head. “Nah. I’ll find somewhere else. You deserve it. You’ve earned it.”

Like a home’s something you have to earn when you’re seventeen.

He’s a kid. Not a man, not on some deadline. But with his jaw set and raised – I know that face. The I’m going to push on through, no problem, I’ll deal. Moving right along. Nothing to see here face. Know it as well as my own. It is my own. And I picture the rest of the lines on that paper.

Tim Mason: The Boy Most Likely To . . .

Forget his own name even before we do

Turn down the hottest girl in the world for the coldest beer

Be six feet under by our fifth reunion

Don’t go that way, Tim. Such a stupid, stupid waste. “I mean it,” I say aloud. “Stay.”

Pause.

“I want you here,” I add, my cheeks flaring. He shifts on the couch and I’m hyper-aware of him next to me, the smell of soap and shampoo, the heat of him, the alive of him.

“Please, stay.”

My words fall into the silence, and something changes. Tim’s shoulders straighten. He stills, but not frozen, more like . . . more like . . . alert.

“Yeah? Then . . . I’ll be here,” he says quietly. “Since you asked so . . . nicely.”

“Look – if you stick around, there’ll be rules.”

“Always are,” Tim says immediately. “Helps if they’re clear.”

Like, posted on the refrigerator? But I don’t say it.

“Not that I’ll necessarily follow them, but –”

“The cigarettes go,” I say. “This place is not going to be a refuge if you burn it to the ground, and if I ever do get it to myself, I don’t want it smelling like an old-man bar.”

Unfolding himself from the couch, he brushes past me, wings the pack of Marlboros into the trash can under the sink, knots the bag tight, sets it next to the door. Collapses back down on the couch next to me, laces his hands behind his head, stretches.

“Sorry – again. Trying to kick ’em. I tossed a whole carton but . . . that pack was an impulse buy. Trying to control that, because my impulses suck.”

His eyes flick to my face, my lips, lower, back to my eyes.

Outside, it’s gone on raining, slashing sideways against the windows, the wind loud and constant. It’s warm in here. Overheated even.

Even though I’m laying out rules, Tim is not one of my brothers.

He glances at my lips again, and there’s the sound of a sharp inhale. His or mine?

I jolt up. “I have to get home.”

“I’m walking you out.” Tim gets quickly to his feet, grabs the green plastic garbage bag, steps in front of me. “Dangerous neighborhood and all that. There’s a raccoon under the woodshed the size of a puma.”

We keep our trash cans in a low shed near the stairs. When we reach it, Tim bends over to jettison the bag. “Don’t tell Jase about, about . . . the whole thing with my parents, ’kay?” His voice is muffled. “A man has his pride.”

I’m walking backward up the driveway, forcing a light laugh. “Of course not. I never kiss and –”

“I missed the part where we kissed? Wait, let’s rewind. I promise not to put up a fight.” He dodges in front of me, smiling, holding up his hands in surrender. “You’d take me, anyway. And I’d let you.”

I shake my head, laughing, then shield my eyes as headlights flare, backlighting Tim, and a car backs slowly out of our driveway.

Chapter Ten

“I’m two seconds from utter and total collapse!” Andy calls from her handstand position, her legs, kicked up against the fence by the side of our driveway, swaying wildly.

“You can do this,” Samantha says, slightly breathless, in the same position. “It’s really great for your form, trust me. If you can get the handstand down, you’re golden – right, Alice?”

“It’s the core gymnastics move,” I call. Andy and I share a bedroom, a bathroom, and half my clothes. I love my sister. But I thank God Sam’s helping her practice for gymnastics tryouts.

Jase is fiddling with his Mustang. Mom’s supervising Duff and Harry, who are mostly spraying each other and throwing sponges and sometimes washing the van. George is drawing on the blacktop, standing back, then jumping on his drawing, over and over again. Patsy waves at me from the kiddie pool. “Ayiss! A me, Ayiss!”

As usual, our driveway and lawn are completely overpopulated. Perfect. Easier with a crowd.

Brad has pulled gingerly in next to the Mustang, glancing around with an anxious look. He’s terrified of our driveway. I think he worries about running over one of my siblings, but it might also be the damage Patsy’s Cozy Coupe could do to his beloved Taurus. I slide into the passenger seat and Brad gives me a damp cheek smack and a thigh squeeze.

Beyond my open window, Harry swings the hose toward Brad’s car, but, quick as lightning, Mom swoops down and puts a kink in it. “No spraying people unless they say yes, Harry. George, lovie, I think that only works when Mary Poppins is there.”

George leaps again onto a chalk painting of, I think, a palm tree and a turtle. “Text her, then, Mommy.”

“Mary Poppins doesn’t believe in cell phones.”

“So, Ally. Want to come over? We can hang with Wally, you can cook us up some mac and cheese. I scored the last copy of Annihilation 7: The Grizzlies’ Revenge. I’m going to whip Wally’s ass at it and wipe the floor with him.”

I pause, turn to him. “Here’s the thing, Brad. I’ve been thinking . . .”

Jase’s gaze lights on me for a moment, eyebrows lifting. He’s seen these dominos fall before.

“Mommy!” Harry bellows, “Patsy’s getting bitey!”

“She walked on my island picture. It’s wrecked now!” George adds, pointing accusingly at Patsy, who is chasing Harry, top-knot of hair bobbing, tiny teeth bared.

Mom scoops up Patsy, who squirms in her arms. “I tiger, Mama,” then “Grrr” to Harry.

“You’re a friendly tiger,” Mom suggests. “George, actually, the wave part looks more watery now. It’s good. Step back and take another look.”

Patsy’s still glaring at Harry. “I bite,” she says ominously.

“Mom!”

“A sleepy tiger.” Mom strokes Patsy’s back. “All cozy. With her jungle friends. Harry, you’re the elephant. The hose is your trunk. You missed a spot on the back window.”

Brad chuckles. “Your mom’s awesome.”

And then he says things like that, which make this harder. Tim’s car eases in behind Jase’s Mustang, hanging half out in the street so as not to cover George’s drawings. Sam waves him over, but he calls distractedly, “Late for a meeting! Been running. Gotta shower and book it.”

He heads past the Taurus, pauses. “Hey Alice.”

“What did you have on your feet this time?” I ask.

“Toes,” he replies easily, and grins at me, lifting one long foot to put it on the sill of the car, wiggling his toes for emphasis. There’s a jagged open cut near his big toenail. “Well, toes and blood. Cut it on a shell. But I made it all the way to the pier this time. Very Navy Seal, huh? Ran right through the pain, because I am just that full of testosterone.”

I try hard not to laugh, looking away, straight at Samantha, who’s descended from her handstand position, watching us with a very slight smile. Jase, who has a smudge of dirt on his nose, is frowning over something to do with the windshield wipers. Or something.

“Clean that up,” I say to Tim. “And put something on it to keep it clean. Toes are seriously prone to infection because the bacteria can get trapped in your shoes.”

“I love it when you talk dirty,” Tim says, then, seeming to notice him for the first time, “Hey, Brad.”

“Yo bro, do you mind?” Brad asks. “We’re talking here.”

Tim backs away, raising his hands in exactly the same gesture he used in the rain the other night. This flicker of – something – licks up my spine.

As he’s climbing the steps, Andy comes over and calls, “Tim! You’re a guy, right?”

“Last time I checked.”

“Can I ask you a question I can’t ask my brothers?”

“No,” Jase calls.

“Uh – Andy – sorry, I really have to get to a meeting,” Tim says, glancing at Jase before the garage apartment door slams behind him.

“What were you saying, Ally-baba?”

Bite the bullet.

“Look, Brad.”

Obediently, Brad looks me in the eye. He’s taken a bite of one of the zillion protein bars overflowing his glove compartment, and he’s chewing, cheeks bulging. Harry and George have started playing Limbo with the water from the hose, Mom’s pulling out the back of Patsy’s swim diaper to check its contents, Jase has jerked his head up quickly and banged it on the hood, so Samantha, who’s come up beside him, is rubbing the spot, saying something under her breath. Andy’s doing a back walkover – without having stretched out enough first.

With the usual chaos and color, my chilly tone is suddenly so off.

Cold, really.

“Your family is a riot,” Brad says. “Crazy as anything, but ya know . . .” He trails off.

More than one boyfriend has said to me that breaking up meant breaking up with my family too, and that was the hardest.

But I have to push on here. No point dragging things out. Maybe I’m hard, the hardest.

Brad swallows, gnaws off another chunk, and says, mouth full, “What is it, Ally?”

“Brad. Here’s the thing.”

Jase winces. “Hey, Sam, can you hold the hood open for me? The prop rod keeps giving out.”

“Let’s all go inside, guys,” Mom says. “Duff, Harry, George – time to wash up and get something to eat. Andy, you too.” Everyone but George, who’s now jumping into the puddles left by the hose, follows. Jase keeps working on his car.

“We’ve come to the end of the road,” I say quickly. “We’ve gone as far as we can go.”

Brad looks puzzled. “It’s a driveway.”

“I mean us. As a couple . . . It’s not working out.”

“What?” Brad says frowning. “That . . . that’s not possible.”

“Can you hand me that Sharpie while still holding the hood?” Jase calls to Sam.

“We always knew it was temporary.” I’ve said these lines so many times. It’s possible that I am a complete bitch.

“We did? Why?” Brad, forehead squinched, says in a faint voice. “What was missing, Ally-baby? We hung out, we made out, we worked out. All the good stuff. I don’t get it.”

His brown eyes are pleading. Jase frowns over something on the inside of the hood. Samantha is also apparently very absorbed in the whole process.

“Brad, we never talked. We didn’t –” laugh. Tears are starting to run down his cheeks. Oh God.

“Talked?” he repeats, sounding confused. “About what?”

This is going nowhere. Wrap it up. I set my hand on his knee, squeeze. “You’re a good guy.”

“Oh, no,” he says, suddenly loud. “Don’t do that. Don’t ‘good guy’ me. I’m better than that. I’m a great guy. I’ve stuck by you. I’ve been there for you.”

He has. He’s put up with my crazy hours, all the homework and housework and babysitting I’ve had to do. On the other hand, I’ve put up with his roommate – the missing link – his CrossFit obsession, the wicked Grandmother of the West, and all those nicknames.

“You have, Brad. Which is what makes this so hard.” My voice is gentle, but it doesn’t make any difference. Now he’s actually sobbing, giant shoulders heaving, tears streaming down his face, his nose running. I flick my gaze to the garage apartment. “Brad . . .” I say helplessly. How can he have felt this deeply without me realizing it?

Now he’s buried his face in his hands. I try to rub his shoulder but he shakes me off. “Just go. Go away, Alice.”

More tears.

“Brad –” I say helplessly. “I feel –”

“You feel nothing,” he says. “You don’t even know how to feel. Get out of my car.”

My feet have barely hit the driveway when he yanks the door shut, then peels out with a screech of tires, zooms down the road, totally unlike himself. He usually drives like a little old lady.

I’m staring after him, biting my thumbnail, which I haven’t done in years. Jase slams the hood closed, wipes his greasy hands on some rag. After the roar of the car fades away, the silence is particularly loud.

“Well . . . that could have gone better,” Jase says. “Don’t you ever get tired of this, Al?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Samantha asks at nearly the same time.

I shake my head. Should I have known how he felt? Where were the signs? “I didn’t . . .” Wait. Is that the same silver car, idling across the road?

“He’s wrong. About the feelings thing. He was just pissed. Guys are dicks when their pride gets hurt,” Jase offers.

“My fault,” I say absently. “He was never a dick before.”

“Want me to beat him up for you?” he asks. “He’s big, but I could hire henchmen. George would go for it if there was a cool uniform.”

“Tim would help,” adds Samantha.

The stalker car jerks into reverse, then forward, like a replay of Brad. One of Joel’s castoffs? Tim’s drug connection? Whatever. The least of my problems.

Speak of the devil. I turn at the sound of Tim’s feet banging down the garage steps. He’s whistling, head bent, counting change. “I’ll be back around seven, guys, do you wanna –”

The tension in the air is practically solid. He looks back and forth between us. “Alice? Sam? What’d I do?”

After they all leave, I plop down on the steps next to George. He looks at me, head cocked. “He cried.”

Sighing, I tug him onto my lap, resting my chin on the top of his head. His fly-away hair tickles my nose as I inhale his scent – chalk and grass and hose water. “Yup, I know.”

“I’ve never seen someone so big cry like that. It was kind of like when the Cowardly Lion cries.”

It sure was.

Guess that makes me Tin Alice.

Chapter Eleven

Today’s meeting is at the hospital, the same one Mr Garrett is at. I come late, and my AA sponsor, Dominic, scowls at me when I slouch into the chair next to him.

“Unavoidably delayed,” I mutter.

“Avoid it next time,” he mutters back.

This is how Dominic got to be my sponsor: he copped on to me fast. Almost as fast as Mr Garrett, who had the advantage of being my Cub Scout troop leader long ago. It was Mr G. who told me to go to AA, and Mr G. I went with, at first. But some days he couldn’t, was working or doing something with the kids. Those days I would still go, but I would sit – or stand – near the door. Then I’d leave early. Never when Mr Garrett was there, but when he wasn’t, every time. Earlier and earlier. After I did this four or five times, Dominic grabbed me by the side of my T-shirt as he was walking in the door, towed me over to the seat next to him, and pulled me down. We were way in the back of the room, as far from the door as could be. He’s this boxy-shouldered guy, young, huge hands, skinny but strong, deep tan skin with one of those permanent five-o’clock-shadow types. When I started to get up ten minutes before the end of the meeting, he stuck his foot out in front of mine, like he was going to trip me. “What is this, kindergarten?” I hissed out of the corner of my mouth. He mouthed, “Later.” The minute the meeting ended I said, “I didn’t know there was assigned seating at these things. You want to see my ID now? You’re an asshole.”