Going Gone

She’d heard nurses talking about her imminent dismissal, and was anxious to be home. But the problem now was how to get there. She hadn’t mentioned it to the doctor or said anything to Cameron, but there was an issue that was going to hinder her homecoming. Denver was a long way from Washington, D.C., and she was afraid to get back on a plane, and yet it was something she knew she was going to have to face.

* * *

Cameron came into the hospital room carrying several shopping bags and smiling from ear to ear.

“What’s all this?” Laura asked, as he laid them on her lap and then gave her a quick kiss.

“Clothes. You can’t go home in a hospital gown, and the doctor said tomorrow is the day.”

“You bought me clothes? Ooh, I hope they fit.”

“Oh, they fit. I asked Sarah your sizes. She bought you underwear before she left, and I did the rest.”

“I can’t believe it!” Laura said, and began looking through the bags. “I love this sweater. It’s so soft, and it’s pink—one of my favorite colors. It will look great with these gray slacks. Oh, Cameron, you even got shoes and socks. These half boots will be perfect. Is there still snow?”

“Not here, but there is back home,” he said as he pulled the last two items out of a larger sack.

One was a winter coat made of soft gray wool, the other a small duffel bag to pack her things. The smile on her face warmed his heart.

“Cameron, I adore you! You’re the best. You thought of everything.”

He grinned. “I have us booked on a 2:00 p.m. flight tomorrow afternoon. It’s a nonstop straight into D.C. We’ll be home in time for dinner.”

When the smile froze on her face, he knew something was wrong.

“What is it, honey?”

She clutched his hand, her voice trembling.

“I’m scared to death to get back on a plane.”

He groaned inwardly. How stupid of him not to realize.

“I didn’t think. I’m sorry. I can rent a car and drive you back, but it will be a rough trip, and it will take days. Some of the roads are snow packed.”

“No, no car. I’ll get on the plane, but I need you to know I might freak out.”

He frowned. “The doctor can prescribe something for you to take. It will be okay. I’ll be right beside you all the way.”

She nodded, her eyes tearing again. “I know, and I’m sorry. But it is what it is.”

“You do not need to apologize. Anyone in their right mind would feel the same. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll take care of the meds and everything else.”

“Okay,” she said, and then made herself change the subject. “What’s in that one?” she asked, pointing to a bag at the foot of her bed.

He handed it to her. “It’s another pair of pants and a heavy sweater. I wanted you to have choices.”

All of a sudden her eyes were swimming with tears.

“What, honey? What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“I was just thinking about Marcy and Dan, and the pilot. I get to go home, and they’re dead and buried.”

He dropped the sack and took her in his arms. Her hair, still damp from her morning shower, clung to his cheek as he held her. She was trembling and weepy, and he wished this could be fixed with a kiss and a hug, but it couldn’t. After a few moments he leaned back and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze.

“I’m very sorry about your friends, but I’m grateful beyond words that you survived. You have no idea how frightened Sarah and I were when we got the news.”

Laura leaned into his embrace.

“I can imagine. I am so tired of crying, and I’m very thankful that I’m still here, too, but some days it still overwhelms me.”

“How do you feel about Sarah moving to London?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Happy for her. This is what she’s been working toward.”

“You’ve still got me,” he said.

A crooked smile shifted the somber expression off her face. “I’m not about to forget that.”

“Good, because when we get home, there’s something I want to discuss with you.”

“What?” she asked.

He grinned. “Not until we get home.”

Her eyes widened. “Is it a secret?”

“It won’t be after we have that discussion.”

She groaned. “Seriously, Cameron, you can’t just drop such a loaded comment and then make me wait to find out what it is.”

He grinned again.

When she realized he wasn’t going to budge, she shrugged.

“At least I’ll have another reason to want to get on that plane tomorrow. The sooner we get back, the sooner I find out the big secret.”

Cameron was thinking about that engagement ring in his safe at home and the Valentine dinner that never happened. Sarah was moving out. Maybe it was time for him to move in.

Four

An airport attendant pushed Laura and her wheelchair through the airport, with Cameron about a step and a half ahead, parting the crowd for them to pass.

They’d checked their luggage at curbside and were traveling light on their way to the boarding gate. Laura’s new coat and purse were in her lap, giving her something stable to hold on to, pushing her fear of the flight down to a level just below screaming. As they approached yet another shop on the concourse, Cameron slowed down.

“Hey, honey, it’s almost an hour until takeoff. Do you want something to read, or some snacks to take with us?”

Laura’s stomach was rolling. The thought of food made her want to throw up.

“No. Better not,” she said. “I feel kind of queasy already.”

“I have the meds your doctor gave you for traveling. You’re going to be fine.” He stopped the attendant. “Please, wait here a second. I’m going to get her some pretzels. Something salty might help.”

The attendant wheeled up to the storefront, then parked her out of the line of traffic as Cameron went inside the store.

Laura watched, noting his confident stride and the way he had of slipping in and out of the moving crowd, grabbing snacks, magazines and a couple of bottles of water. When he turned around to look at her and caught her watching, he winked, which made her smile. Just for a moment, the fear within her settled. She didn’t have words for how much she loved him.

A few minutes later he was back, and then they were off, negotiating the crowds, the rise and fall of conversations as they passed different gates, the continual announcements of arrivals and departures.

Anxiety returned with a vengeance. God, oh, God, she couldn’t believe she was about to do this.

All of a sudden Cameron’s hand was on her shoulder, as if he’d sensed she was already freaking out.

“Get out the meds the doctor gave you,” he said, and she did. He handed her a bottle of water as she popped them in her mouth and washed them down, then packed it back up. “Just breathe easy,” he said softly.

She closed her eyes and nodded, but it was easier said than done. Minutes later they were at the gate. Before she could wrap her head around their imminent departure, early boarding for those needing extra time was announced.

Cameron caught the frantic look on her face and took her hand.

“Laura, sweetheart, just close your eyes and picture home.”

And so she did, flooding her mind with images of the way sunlight came through the front window of her house in the afternoon and through the blue glass dish that had belonged to her great-grandmother Jewel. She thought of how the hardwood floors took on an amber gleam just after they were cleaned, and how the chime of the grandfather clock at the end of the hall reminded her of her childhood, counting off the hours until bedtime.

Her eyes were still closed when they handed the attendant their boarding passes. As they entered the jet bridge, fear of what she was about to do made her lose the connection to home. The inside of the covered walkway smelled of plane fuel and cold air. When the ramp began to slope downward, she felt the slight pull of gravity and panicked. It felt just like the plane had when it began to go down. She whimpered slightly and leaned forward, bracing herself for impact.

Cameron frowned. He didn’t know what was going through her mind, but he could tell it was bad. Her knuckles were white and her body was shaking.

“You’re okay, baby. You’re okay.”

She could hear voices. People were talking and laughing, nothing like what she’d heard before. No praying. No crying. She took a breath and finally looked. There was a family of three in front of them: a man, a woman and a small child in a stroller. It cleared the emotional confusion but not the fear.

The closer they got to the plane, the colder the air became. When they reached the end of the ramp, she had to stand up. The attendant stood aside with the wheelchair while the family in front of them folded up the stroller and tagged it for baggage. These were all simple ordinary tasks. She could do this.

And then she glanced toward the plane, saw tiny flakes of snow blowing in through a small gap by the open door and grabbed Cameron’s arm, her voice mirroring the panic she felt as she said, “It’s snowing.”

Cameron nodded. “Just tiny little flakes. Look, there’s nothing on the ground. It’s okay, honey. Just take my hand.”

“You go first,” she begged.

He stepped into the plane and paused, waiting for her to step across. He could see the horror in her eyes as she looked down.

“Look at me, honey. Don’t look down. Look at me.”

Their gazes locked, and she stepped in.

“Is everything all right?” a flight attendant asked, eyeing Laura.

“It will be,” Cameron said.

He’d gotten tickets in first class, knowing she was going to need all the pampering and room she could handle just to make the trip, then led her a few steps to their seats.

The flight attendant took their coats as Cameron got Laura settled in the window seat and buckled her up.

“You’ve already taken your pills, so you’ll feel easier soon,” he said, then gave her a brief kiss of reassurance as he settled into the seat beside her.

His lips were warm and gentle. He was familiar. She was safe. It was going to be all right.

She glanced out the window at the ground crew loading luggage and remembered opening all the suitcases inside their plane and using the clothes she found to stay warm. If it happened again, she wouldn’t be able to get to the luggage this time, because it was in the belly of the plane. Maybe there would be enough clothing in the carry-on bags. And then she caught herself.

What was she doing? The plane wasn’t going to crash. She had already had her plane crash and lived through it. Surely God didn’t let things like that happen twice.

A flight attendant stopped by their seats.

“Can I get either of you something to drink?” she asked.

Startled, Laura almost jumped, then focused on the question.

“Coffee? Could I have coffee? I can’t seem to stay warm today.”

“Certainly,” the attendant said, then looked at Cameron. “How about you, sir? Anything to drink?”

“Coffee is fine,” he said, and then turned his attention to Laura again as the attendant walked away. “It will be a while till they finish boarding and we pull away from the gate, but the meds will kick in before then. Do you want to go to the bathroom before we take off?”

She nodded and unbuckled her seat belt.

Cameron stood up, then helped her back up the aisle.

“She needs the restroom,” he said.

As Laura went in and locked the door, the flight attendant glanced at the bathroom, and then at him.

“Is she okay? Is she not feeling well?”

He flashed his FBI badge and then dropped it back in his pocket.

“She’s not sick. She’s scared.”

The attendant acknowledged the badge as she smiled sympathetically.

“Ah, is this her first flight?”

“No, but this is her first flight since a crash.”

The pilot was standing in the doorway to the cockpit, listening. When he heard that, he frowned.

“What crash was that?” he asked.

“Two weeks ago. A private jet went down in the mountains outside of Denver,” Cameron said softly.

“Ah, damn, I heard about the crash and that there was a survivor.”

“She’s the one,” Cameron said.

The bathroom door opened. Laura came out, then paused, a little startled by the people grouped in the aisle.

The attendant’s smile was just a little wider, and the pilot nodded his head.

“Welcome aboard, ma’am.”

Laura blinked, then glanced at Cameron. He pointed up the boarding ramp.

“Here come the regular passengers. We’d better get back in our seats.”

Immediately after they were seated, the attendant had coffee on their trays and was back at the doorway, welcoming passengers aboard.

Laura took a quick sip and then glanced at Cameron.

“You told them, didn’t you?”

He shrugged.

She sighed. “It’s okay. If I freak out later, maybe they won’t throw me off the plane.”

“If you get scared, just grab my hand. If that doesn’t help, maybe we can make out a little to keep you otherwise occupied.”

She laughed, picturing that happening in full view of a planeload of strangers.

He grinned. The foolishness of the remark did the trick. Now having sex with him was on her mind instead of flying.

The passengers filed past, some looking longingly at the first-class seats, others just anxious to get in and get settled. And then fate played a cruel joke.

The boarding line stalled, and people standing in line were getting impatient while a flight attendant tried to iron out a conflict back in coach between two people claiming the same seat. Voices were raised, and everyone was craning their necks, trying to see what was going on.

Cameron was sending a text, and Laura was looking at a magazine when she heard someone say her name.

“Laura? Laura Doyle? Is that you?”

Cameron looked up and then quickly glanced at Laura. She looked rattled, and his first instinct was to intervene; then Laura laid down her magazine and gave the middle-aged brunette a quick glance.

“Oh, hello, Tessa. Small world.”

“Oh, my God! I never imagined I would see you here. I can’t believe you’ve got the guts to fly again after what happened to you, what with everyone dying and all.”

Every passenger within hearing distance turned around to look.

A muscle jerked near Laura’s right eye. “Technically, everyone didn’t die, Tessa, because I’m still here.”

Cameron’s seat belt clicked, then slipped to the side as he stood up, which instantly removed Laura from the woman’s line of vision. His voice was soft, but his intent was firm, and there was no mistaking how pissed he was.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but that was an insensitive remark and best left unspoken, if you get my drift.”

Tessa frowned as she lifted her chin, challenging his disapproval.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know who you are, but she’s my friend. We were at a conference together a few weeks ago. We were all horrified when we heard about the crash, and I wanted to wish her well.”

He smiled, but it never reached his eyes.

“I don’t know you, either, but just for the record, I’m the man who rocks her world, and I did not hear you wish her well. What I heard coming out of your mouth was morbid curiosity.”

Someone snickered at the back of the line.

Tessa glared.

Cameron didn’t budge.

The line began to move.

Cameron continued to stand, smiling politely until Tessa finally gave in, and the situation was resolved. Only then did he sit back down.

Laura was pale and teary as he reached for her hand. He grinned wryly, trying to ease the shock.

“We should have bought a lottery ticket today. Wonder what the odds were of something like that happening?”

She sighed. “Thank you.”

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles, then winked and leaned close to her ear.

“Ready for that make-out session yet?” he whispered.

She rolled her eyes but smiled, which was his intent.

I love you, she mouthed silently.

He kissed the side of her face. “I love you most,” he whispered, then leaned back, turned off his phone and buckled up. “Is your phone off?” he asked.

“It’s dead,” she said, and then looked horrified at what she’d just said. “I mean, it needs to be recharged.”

He frowned. “Look, honey, that word doesn’t hold any special power. It does not have to be purged from your vocabulary.”

Her eyes narrowed angrily. “I hate this. I hate what happened. I hate that my friends are gone. I hate being afraid.”

“I know, and I hate it for you, but nothing can change what happened.”

She looked out the window without answering, then angrily pulled the shade down.

He let her be. It wasn’t enough that she’d been rattled by the flight, but the universe had thrown in a brainless “friend” to boot.

Then all of a sudden they were backing away from the gate, and Laura’s focus shattered. She clutched the armrests so tightly that her knuckles whitened.

Cameron grabbed her hand.

“Laura, look at me.”

She turned her head.

“Lean back, take a deep breath and hold on to me. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

She did as he asked without arguing, but she knew better. It wasn’t possible to make promises like that. Not when fate was in charge.

The plane began to taxi. She moaned beneath her breath and closed her eyes, focusing on the strength of Cameron’s grasp. By the time the plane was cleared for takeoff she was crying without making a sound.

Cameron was sick at heart for what she was going through, but he had no way to make it better. It was a blessing when the pills finally took effect and she fell asleep.

* * *

They served food an hour into the flight, but Laura was still sleeping. Cameron ate lightly, paying more attention to her than his tray, and was glad when the attendant took it away.

He got up once to go to the bathroom and asked the attendant to stand watch until he returned. He was on his way back when the plane hit rough air. The flight attendant headed for the intercom as the seat belt sign came back on. Just as he got to his seat and buckled in, the ride became rougher.

Laura woke up with a gasp, the sensation of déjà vu so horrifying, she turned to look for Marcy. Instead, she saw Cameron reaching for her.

“What’s happening?” she gasped.

“Just rough air, baby. No big deal. It’s happened plenty of times before, right?”

She heard his voice but couldn’t focus enough to understand the words. She covered her face and bent forward, ready for impact.

Cameron knew she was only seconds away from screaming when he unlocked their seat belts and pulled her into his lap.

The passengers around them looked sympathetic. They’d heard enough during boarding to understand what was happening, but the moment she was in his lap the flight attendant was on her feet.

Cameron had his arms wrapped around her so tightly that she couldn’t move, her head tucked beneath his chin. He kept his voice low, but the urgent cadence in his voice was obvious.

“Laura, listen to my voice. We’re not going to crash. The plane is safe. You’re safe. Open your eyes. Look at where you are.”

She couldn’t hear him.

“No, no, the wolves will come. Watch out for the wolves.”

Cameron grabbed her face and made her look at him.

“Look at me, baby. Look at me. There are no wolves here. They’re gone.”

Laura blinked, saw her own reflection in Cameron’s eyes and then hid her face against his chest. She was shaking so hard she could barely breathe, but Cameron had arrested her free fall, and the scream in the back of her throat dwindled to a moan.

The flight attendant was beside them now, frowning, but Cameron couldn’t have cared less.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but she can’t sit in your lap. You have—”

Cameron interrupted. “Either you find a belt extender and buckle us up together, or she has an emotional meltdown and starts screaming. It’s not going to help in this rough weather for everyone on this plane to hear a bloodcurdling scream and you know it.”

The flight attendant spun and dashed toward the galley. She came back moments later with two belt extenders, fastened them together and then belted both of them in.

Cameron nodded. “Thank you. If I can have some water, I’ll get her to take some more meds. As soon as she’s calm, I’ll buckle her back into her own seat. I promise.”

Once again the attendant headed back to the galley while Cameron managed to slip his hand into his pants pocket. Laura had wrapped her arms around his neck so tightly it was hard to breathe, but he wouldn’t have pushed her away, even if it meant giving up his last breath. The moment he got the pill bottle out of his pocket, it slipped out of his hand and rolled backward down the aisle and into coach seating.

“Damn it,” he muttered.

“I’ve got it,” he heard someone say, and moments later footsteps came up behind him. “Here you go.”

Cameron looked up into the bluest eyes he’d ever seen set in a face wreathed with wrinkles and framed with short curly hair in flyaway gray.

“Thank you so much, ma’am,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” the little woman said, then patted Laura on the shoulder. “Sugar, the only thing you have to fear sitting in this pretty man’s lap is that he might put you down. If I was thirty years younger, I’d give you a run for your money.”

Cameron chuckled, and Laura felt the rumble beneath her ear. That was a happy sound. No one would be happy if they were going to crash.

Cameron shook two pills out into his hand just as the attendant came back with the water, and set it in the cup holder near his elbow.

“Please, get her back in her seat as soon as possible,” the attendant said.

Cameron understood she was doing her job, but so, by God, was he.

“Laura, honey...look at me. You need to take your pills.”

Laura shuddered, so afraid that, if she opened her eyes, she would wake up back in that plane in her nest and hear wolves digging outside in the snow.

“Are you sure the wolves aren’t here?” she whispered.

Cameron sighed. “No, honey. No wolves.”

The woman across the aisle from them was purposefully staring at the magazine in her lap, but it was obvious from the tears rolling down her cheeks that she was locked in to their ongoing drama.

The man in the seat in front of them turned around and gave Cameron a quick sympathetic look. Even the flight attendant came back with a different attitude as she put a blanket across Laura’s shoulders.

“I’m so sorry,” she said as she tucked it around her and then moved down the aisle, checking to make sure the other passengers had fastened their seat belts.

It was the warmth of the blanket and Cameron’s reassuring voice that finally pulled Laura back into reality.

“I did it, didn’t I? I freaked. Oh, my God, I am so sorry.”

Cameron shook his head. “No apology needed, darlin’. Just take these pills for me, okay?”

She put them in her mouth and took a big drink before leaning back in his arms. She didn’t talk. There wasn’t anything she could say that would make this choking horror go away.

He pulled the blanket closer around her and then rested his chin on the top of her head, waiting for the moment when the tension left her body. By the time her panic had disappeared, the flight had also smoothed out.

He gave her a quick hug. “You ready to get back in your seat?”

“After I go to the washroom,” she whispered.

“Absolutely,” he said, and undid the seat belt.

She slid off his lap, then stepped over his legs and limped up the aisle with her head down, too embarrassed to look up.

Cameron tucked the belt extenders into the seat pocket in front of him and waited for her to come back.

The door to the bathroom opened, and when Laura emerged he could tell she’d been crying and was heartsick for how hard this was for her.