Big Sky Baby

“Sure. Mind if I slip off my shoes first?” she asked. Maybe take off my watch and my ring, shave my legs?

Sheesh. Jilly knew her weight was up. She couldn’t button her pants anymore and even her bras were snug. She’d tried to diet, but every time she turned around, she had the nervous munchies. She’d blamed her food cravings on stress, following her breakup with Cain.

“Not too bad,” the heavyset nurse said. “Only five pounds up from last winter, when you came in for your yearly pap smear.”

“Five pounds a year can add up,” Jilly said. “I’m not happy about the weight gain, since most of it’s in my torso. I’m feeling a lot like Humpty-Dumpty.”

The nurse smiled. “I know what you mean.”

Jilly supposed the plump woman did. As she was led to the small examining room, she did a little math.

Wow. If she gained five pounds a year, by the time she was thirty-three, she’d be fifty pounds over-weight. This eating spree had to stop.

When they reached exam room three, Jilly expected to have to strip down and put on the stupid gown that opened down the back. Fortunately, she wasn’t asked to undress.

As she sat on the edge of the paper-lined examining table, the nurse took her blood pressure. At least that wasn’t up.

While the woman made notes on the chart, Jilly unhooked the button on her pants and rubbed the reddened indenture the waistband had made. Gosh, she hoped it wasn’t a tumor or something like that. Maybe she was just getting fat and sassy and needed to take up jogging.

“Dr. Holmes will be right with you,” the woman said, leaving Jilly to wait in the stark room and worry about her health.

Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long. Dr. Holmes, a tall, pretty woman with golden-brown hair entered the exam room, holding Jilly’s chart. “Good afternoon. What seems to be the trouble?”

“It’s probably nothing,” Jilly said, “but I’ve been feeling kind of weird lately.”

“How so?” the doctor asked.

“I’ve been tired. And I’ve gained weight. My breasts have been swollen and tender, although they’re feeling better now. A while back, I had some intestinal flu symptoms. At the time, I didn’t worry much about it because I tend to get a nervous stomach, and I’d been going through a stressful period back then.” Jilly shrugged. “Like I said, it’s probably nothing.”

“When was your last period?”

Huh? Her last period? Well, she wasn’t really sure. She tried to conjure a mental calendar to no avail.

“About a month ago, I think. It was pretty light.” She looked at the doctor, hoping the woman would understand why she had never bothered to count the days. “My periods are really irregular. Sometimes they’re kind of light and scanty, other times heavy. I guess I should keep better track of them, but since they’re so hard to predict, it doesn’t seem to matter.”

“Could you be pregnant?”

“Pregnant?” Jilly nearly fell off the examining table. “I don’t think so.”

She and Cain had broken up two months ago. And they’d always used condoms. In fact, she’d been so careful and obsessive about contraception that she couldn’t possibly be pregnant.

Just the thought of being an unwed mother scared the willies out of her.

Not that she didn’t want a baby, but she had her life on track right now, and she was aiming toward pillar-of-the-community status. Having a baby out of wedlock would set her back big-time—back to the Davis family values she’d tried hard to break free of and surpass.

“It’s possible to be pregnant and still have a scanty period,” Dr. Holmes said. “I’ll step out of the room while you undress. Then, after I examine you, I’ll have a better idea of what’s going on.”

A few minutes later Jilly lay on the small table, her feet in the stirrups and her head spinning wildly. I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t.

Stress altered menstrual cycles, too, she reminded herself. And Cain had certainly caused her a ton of stress. This all seemed to be his fault.

Of course, it was her fault, too.

Why couldn’t she be attracted to a decent guy, one who could make a commitment and be a family man?

“Well,” Dr. Holmes said, letting out a soft sigh and smiling. “You’re definitely pregnant. About four months, according to my estimate. I’m going to order some lab work, and an ultrasound.”

Four months pregnant? It was nearly too much for Jilly to take in.

But she could add. And that meant in five months she was going to be a mother.

An unwed mother.

Her heart sank. There went all her plans and dreams. She wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother, to have the respectability her parents hadn’t been able to provide her. But that plan required marriage first, then a baby.

Again, she had the overwhelming urge to lash out and blame a certain good-looking fireman. Her life had been all nice and tidy until sweet-talkin’ Cain came sauntering into her shop and turned her world upside down. And now she was having his baby.

She doubted he’d be happy to hear the news, especially since he’d made it clear that he didn’t particularly like kids. The whole darn mess seemed to crash down upon her, until she came up with an option she hadn’t realized she had.

Maybe Cain didn’t need to know about the baby.

She could keep the paternity of her baby a secret, and if Cain suspected the child was his, he wouldn’t utter a word. Not if it meant he’d be liable for child support. A footloose guy like that didn’t want any strings to tie him down. Or so he’d made it clear the one time she’d pressed him for a commitment.

“I’m not the marrying kind, babe,” Cain had said.

Well, that was fine with her. Jilly couldn’t imagine being married to a lying womanizer like him.

She glanced at Dr. Holmes, wondering if she had any advice or a magical potion to make Jilly’s life fall into place.

“I’d like you to start taking prenatal vitamins.” The doctor pulled a notepad out of the pocket of her lab coat and began to write. “I’ll jot down the name of the brand I’d prefer you buy. The sooner you start taking them the better.”

“All right,” Jilly said, taking the sheet of paper the doctor handed her. She was glad to have a note, something in writing, otherwise, she might forget the brand altogether.

“Do you have any questions or concerns?”

Questions or concerns? Heck, she had a ton of them, but they slipped around inside her head like the spinning fruit and numbers on a slot machine, and she had no idea which question would pop out first.

“I’m scared, Dr. Holmes. And confused. I don’t even know…” Tears welled up in her eyes, and her tongue turned to mush.

The doctor snatched a tissue from the countertop, handed it to Jilly and slipped an arm around her shoulder. “Why don’t you make an appointment to come back in and see me later this week, when you’ve had a chance to think about things. We can talk about options.”

“Options?”

“Well, you don’t have to keep the baby.”

Give her baby up?

No way.

Jilly didn’t need to hear any options. Her pregnancy might be totally unplanned, but this was her baby. It wasn’t the poor kid’s fault its mommy made a big mistake in the daddy-picking process.

“I don’t need to think about options, Doctor, but I would like to talk to you about…stuff.” Jilly swiped the tissue under her eyes. It was times like this that she really missed having a mother, although she hadn’t been able to depend upon her mom when she’d been alive. But the fact was, Jilly didn’t have anyone, not a sister or even a real girlfriend—the kind that kept secrets and didn’t blab them all over town. “I don’t have a clue what to expect. And I’m nervous.”

“I can understand that.” Dr. Holmes smiled. “I’ll have to check the schedule, but I think Friday afternoon is open.”

“Thanks,” Jilly muttered.

“Do you have someone you can talk to? A mother or sister? A friend?”

“Yeah, sort of.” She had a friend, all right. Only this had to be the heaviest problem she’d ever dumped on him.

“Feel free to call me anytime,” the doctor said.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.”

Now all Jilly needed to do was convince her self that she could handle this unplanned turn of events.

Jilly carried her secret for two days before she gave in to the urge to contact Jeff.

Who else could she turn to? Certainly not Cain. Jeff had always been there for her, even when he and MAFFS were out fighting fires. She figured e-mail would be her best bet, especially if she tried to reach him through his business address.

Her only other resort was to call Reed Kingsley, Jeff’s cousin. But Reed was the Rumor fire chief and Cain’s boss.

Quite frankly, she didn’t want to go that route.

In the past, Jeff had always managed to answer her e-mail. Eventually.

Hey, flyboy, she typed into the computer screen. He’d earned the nickname by dragging her out to every airport in the county to look at planes and talk to the air junkies who hung out there. Can you give me a call when you get a chance? I need to talk to you.

It was another day and evening before Jeff read her e-mail and got a chance to use his cell phone.

“What’s up, Jilly?”

When she heard his voice over the line, for the first time in her life, she found it hard to speak. She carried the portable phone to the sofa and plopped down.

Posey, having followed her around for days and sensing her distress, hopped up to join her.

“Are you there?” Jeff asked.

Yeah, she was here. Pregnant and struggling with how to form the words. She cleared her voice and forced herself to speak. “I need a friend.”

The simple phrase had become a code between them, letting him know she’d screwed something up in her life and needed him to bail her out.

And she’d certainly “screwed things up” this time. She rolled her eyes at the apt description.

“Jilly, I’m a bit tied up right now, but I’ll do what I can. What’s wrong?”

She squeezed the receiver until her knuckles ached. How could she tell Jeff that she was pregnant by the guy he’d repeatedly warned her about? The guy he’d never liked since grade school. The guy she should have known to avoid from day one.

Well, she certainly couldn’t keep Jeff hanging on the line, not when he was probably calling from the command post at the fire.

“I’m pregnant.”

“You’re what?” Static crackled on the line, but she had a feeling he would have voiced the same question had he been standing next to her.

I’m what? had been her initial reaction, too. It still was. Lord, would she ever get used to the idea of being pregnant?

She blew out a weary sigh. “I really don’t know how it happened, or how I failed to notice the signs. But I’m four months pregnant, Jeff.”

The line froze, or so it seemed. Not even the static responded, which led her to wonder if he’d hung up. She shook off the old insecurity. Jeff wouldn’t do that to her.

“Have you told Cain?”

Heck no, she hadn’t called that jerk. What did Cain have to offer her? More lies? More stress?

She needed a friend, someone she could depend on. She needed Jeff, like she never had before.

Jilly had never been one to wade into deep psychological waters, but Jeff was a stabilizing force in her life, and his sobering influence curtailed the rebellious streak that often got her into trouble.

And she was in big trouble now.

“I’m not going to tell Cain anything,” she said. “Even if he was inclined to offer marriage or a hand in child rearing, I’ve learned my lesson. He’s not daddy or husband material. I’m going to go through this alone.”

“Now, just a minute. That guy has a responsibility to live up to, even if it’s just sending you a monthly check for child support.”

“I don’t need him or his money.” Jilly was used to living on a budget and depending upon herself.

“You need his financial support. And he needs to face up to his responsibilities—for once in his life.”

Jeff was probably right. He always was, so it seemed. What would she have done without him?

When he left town five years ago, she was sure he was leaving her, like every other male she’d ever known. But he’d called her every week, insisting on maintaining a friendship. And she was glad he had, although their friendship did have a downside.

Jeff often took on the role of a big brother and criticized everyone she’d ever dated, saying the guy wasn’t good enough for her, which was sweet, she supposed.

It was also true, unfortunately.

Jilly never picked the right kind of guy. Her recent experience with Cain was certainly proof of that.

But Jeff was right, as much as she hated to admit it. She had to tell Cain about the baby, even though she didn’t want to.

Jilly had always dreamed of falling in love, getting married and having a baby—in that order. Guilt assaulted her, and she hated the idea of parenting a child with a man who wasn’t the white knight she’d once thought.

But worse, she dreaded raising a child in a single-parent home.

Usually able to don a tough exterior, she broke down in blubbery tears.

Jeff couldn’t stand to hear Jilly cry. She was such a tough cookie on the outside, but inside she was delicate, a tenderhearted softy.

He gave her time to cry, which is what he would have done had he been there to hold her. Still, her tears always did a number on him, and he needed time to think things through, plan his words of support.

Her call had taken him aback, not just because he was busy at the makeshift fire-fighting headquarters, but because he hadn’t liked Cain in the first place.

He supposed he could understand her attraction to the cocky fireman. Jilly had never been entirely convinced that she amounted to much—a result of her mother’s criticism and the community gossip, he’d always suspected. No wonder she’d fallen for a line of bull when good-looking, fast-talking Cain paid attention to her.

Jeff suddenly felt an overwhelming compulsion to slam a fist into the macho fireman’s face.

Maybe he was jealous of the guy, in a strange sort of way. The guy who married Jilly was going to be a hell of a lucky man. And Jeff hated to think that man would be Cain.

“Are you okay?” he asked, when he figured Jilly had gotten her tears and sobs under control.

She sniffled. “Yes. I guess so. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be all right.”

Yeah, that’s what she always told him when she got into trouble. But this was different. More serious. She was pregnant, for cripe’s sake.

“I know it’ll be tough for you to do, but you’ve got to tell him about the baby, honey.”

The term of endearment had slipped out, through no intention of his own. But it felt right. Jilly was a sweetheart, and she didn’t deserve any of the crap Cain had dealt her.

“Okay,” she said, her voice shaking and laced with tears she would probably continue to shed long after they hung up the phone. It killed him to see her brokenhearted, worried, alone.

“I’ll tell him tomorrow,” she said.

“It’s the right thing to do, Jilly.”

She blew out a sigh. “I guess that’s why I called you. I knew you’d see things more clearly than me. And maybe Cain will react differently than I expect.”

Jeff doubted Cain would be man enough to step up to the plate and do right by her and the baby, but she owed him the truth.

Again Jeff was struck with the urge to batter Cain senseless, but that wouldn’t help Jilly.

Jeff had been looking after her for years and would continue to do so. That’s what friends were for. “I’ll stop by and see you as soon as we get this fire under control.”

She sniffled. “I’d like that.”

“You’ll make a good mom, Jilly.”

“Thanks.”

“Listen, honey—” Oops, the endearment slipped out again, but he continued anyway, desperately wanting to say something sensible and helpful “—everything is going to work out fine. Just wait and see.”

Somehow Jeff would make sure of it.

When Jilly hung up the telephone, she stroked the little dog that had curled up on her lap.

“What do you think, Posey?”

The mutt stood up and licked her chin.

“What would I do without you or Jeff?”

Posey whimpered, then gave a little bark.

Jilly glanced at the phone, wishing she had the kind of news that didn’t need to be delivered to Cain in person.

What a coward.

Still, she didn’t want to show up on his doorstep and find he was on duty at the fire station.

What the heck. Why not call and see if he answered? She could always hang up.

And that’s what she decided to do. Fortunately, she got his answering machine. “I’m out and about. Leave a message and I’ll call you when I feel like it.”

Most people found his recording humorous. But they didn’t know him like Jilly did. The fact was Cain only called a person back when he felt like it.

How many times had she waited for a return call? How many times had she wondered where he was and why he was late?

She thought about the last time she’d seen him. He’d been out with another fireman, a buddy, he’d said. But a telltale smear of fire-engine-red lipstick on his collar suggested otherwise.

“While ol’ Frank and I were tossing down a few brews at Joe’s bar, the waitress slipped on a lemon wedge someone had dropped on the floor. I caught her, just before she fell.” He’d winked at Jilly, then added, “Once a hero, always a hero.”

That poor waitress must have fallen hard, because Cain bore a small bruise on his neck. The fact that it looked suspiciously like a love bite didn’t do his questionable credibility any good.

What an idiot she’d been, a definite slow learner in the relationship department.

Like the sand in an hourglass, Jeff’s friendly advice finally began to sink in. The good-looking fireman had been taking her for a ride, stringing her along. Playing tetherball with her heart.

Cain had never been there when she needed him. And she really didn’t expect him to do things any differently now.

But Jeff was right. He deserved to know about the baby.

She hung up the phone and sighed. Chances were Cain was on duty and at the station tonight. That meant he would be home tomorrow morning. Like it or not, it was best she got this over with.

Jilly would be on Cain’s front porch after he got home from work and before he could leave.

Then she would lay her pride on the line.

Chapter Three

Jilly parked her ten-year-old, white Ford Taurus along the curb in front of Cain’s apartment building and struggled to find the courage to face him.

What would she say?

Telling a man he was going to be a father, that they were going to be parents, should be an exciting and happy time. So why did she feel as though she were stepping onto the long green mile?

Because a relationship with Cain—even one in which they only shared a child—seemed like a death sentence. Things hadn’t ended well, and she’d made it clear in both tone and volume that she’d rather die than see or talk to him again.

She glanced into the rearview mirror and, catching a glimpse of the dark circles under her eyes that revealed she hadn’t slept worth a darn last night, blew out a ragged sigh. She’d best get this over with.

Cain’s living-room blinds were open, indicating he was indeed home. But she couldn’t see inside. Had he seen her pull up?

She could still turn the Taurus around and drive away. Go home with her secret and pride in tact. It certainly felt like the right thing to do. But instead, with Jeff’s advice ringing in her ears, she jerked open the car door and slipped from her vehicle.

Another wave of apprehension assaulted her. What was she doing here? Their relationship was over, and she’d never wanted to see Cain again. Of course, small-town life made completely avoiding him impossible. But this was different. Jilly was actually seeking him out and providing information that would complicate things.

She trudged up the walk, the leather soles of her sandals crunching upon the dirty concrete in a cadence that woke the coward that lived deep in her soul—the yellow-bellied weakling she’d banished years ago by playing tough guy.

It’s not too late, the coward reminded her. You can still turn around.

But Jeff’s voice kicked in, strong and true. I know it’ll be tough for you to do, but you’ve got to tell him about the baby, honey.

Yeah. Telling Cain was the right thing to do, she supposed. Leave it to Jeff to set her on the straight-and-narrow path.

Jilly stepped around a worn leather baseball mitt someone had left on the walkway and continued up the stairs to Cain’s second-level apartment. She rang the bell and wiped her palms on the sides of her jeans.

When Cain swung open the door, surprise registered briefly on his face, then he flashed her a pearly white smile. “Look who’s here. A while back, you seemed pretty serious about never seeing me again, babe. Change your mind?”

She wanted to slap the smirk from his face, but crossed her arms instead. “I need to talk to you.”

“Sure,” he said, stepping aside. “But I’ve only got a few minutes. I just got a call from Reed down at the station. The wind changed, and some of us are being sent in to help fight the fire again. We’re heading out in less than an hour.”

Jilly nodded, then made her way into the classic bachelor’s pad—leather sofa, fully stocked bar, state-of-the-art stereo system, surround sound. A dimmer switch on all the lights.

Like Jeff had said during one of their telephone conversations when she told him about how nice Cain’s place was, “That’s quite an impressive setup in a rented apartment. He’s a player, Jilly. Watch out.”

Jilly had clicked her tongue and waved him off. “Give the guy a break, will you? He’s not the same kid you remember from school. He’s a fireman for goodness’ sake.”

But Jeff had been right—as usual. Why hadn’t she figured it out sooner? Before her life came tumbling down around her.

“Did you come to apologize?” Cain asked.

Of all the…

Her earlier apprehension and case of nerves flew by the wayside as righteous indignation took their place. “For what? For trusting you? For thinking you could commit to one woman for the duration of a four-month relationship?”

He shook his head and shot her a wry grin. “If you think long and hard, you’ll realize I never made you any promises, babe.”

She had to admit he hadn’t, not really. And she tried to remember how sweet he’d been in the early part of their relationship, how he’d poured her a glass of wine, turned on the soft sound of jazz, sat her on a bar stool that faced the kitchen so she could watch him prepare a romantic dinner for two.

He was an incredible cook—much better than she was—and she’d looked forward to each meal they shared. And on those nights they hadn’t spent together, he’d called her to say good-night.

But it had all been an act, a facade. He hadn’t cared about her, not in the right way.

“Listen, Cain, I’ll make this quick, but I can’t make it easy. I’m pregnant.”

His dark brow furrowed momentarily, then a slow smile broadened. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“I’m four months pregnant,” she said, assuming he would count and figure it out.

He crossed his arms, the lighthearted smile turning dry. “Like I said, who’s the lucky guy?”

As though having a mind of its own, her hand lashed out and slapped his face. The sound reverberated in the room, and the contact stung her palm.

He rubbed a reddened cheek. “I hope you’re not going to try and blame a pregnancy on me. If you’ll remember, we always used condoms. I’m not the kind of guy to take stupid chances.”

Tears welled up in Jilly’s eyes. “I wasn’t even going to tell you about it.”

“Then why did you?” Cain leaned against the armrest of the sofa. “I’m not the marrying kind, Jilly. And I’m not about to be strapped with a kid and wife. You, of all people, should have figured that out.”