Private Confessions

“I appreciate that,” she said. “And I promise, once these go to print, I’ll take some time off.”

He cleared his throat and took the folder in his hands. “I suppose that’s a reasonable deal. So let’s get the ball rolling.”

“SORRY I’m late.”

Trisha dropped her purse on the kitchen counter of her parents’ Tiburon home, pressed a kiss to her mother’s cheek and took a seat at the bar next to her brother Mark.

“Devon’s been out of town and I’ve had to handle everything,” she added.

“No worries,” her father said. “I’m just putting on the potatoes. We won’t be eating for at least a half hour.”

“How is the Tyndale campaign coming?” her mother asked.

“Good. Logan seems pleased and I think we’ve got a solid shot at the account.”

She grabbed a wineglass from the counter and poured herself a glass of Bordeaux, ready to put the day behind her and relax in the company of her family. Despite their busy schedules, everyone still gathered twice a month for dinner with the folks. It was a ritual they’d shared since childhood.

Her parents both had hectic careers, her father, Phillip, an economics professor at U.C. Berkeley, and her mother, Monica, an executive for Sunwest Bank. But no matter how demanding their careers, her parents had always made sure the family sat down to a meal together at least once a week. The tradition had lasted through Trisha’s childhood, and even though the kids had grown and moved out, they all kept returning for the weekly meal that only recently had dropped back to twice a month.

Her parents had never insisted they make it, the dinners were simply an open invitation to whoever could come. But they always did. Her older sister, Cheryl, was a stay-at-home mom of two young toddlers and these dinners were her opportunity to get off her feet and let someone else do the cooking for a change.

Trisha’s younger brother, Mark, was still in college working toward a doctorate in psychology and he never turned down the chance to come home, laundry in tow.

For Trisha, the visits were her way of staying grounded, the frequent reminder of what she wanted from life. Watching her parents work together was her way of staying real, the scene before her reflecting everything she hoped to find in a marriage someday. Her mother and father loved cooking together and had perfected the task to an art. They bustled around the kitchen like two lovers in a dance and it was a symbol of how they shared their lives. Juggling careers and three children wasn’t an easy task, but Phillip and Monica Bain had always made it look easy, their deep respect for each other and unyielding camaraderie working together to make a success of their lives and their family.

They had become the litmus test Trisha used when evaluating a current lover. If a man didn’t treat her like her father treated her mother, he wasn’t long in the arms of Trisha Bain. Though she admitted her parents were a hard act to follow, she always believed she could find that special someone who could work with her through life like her parents worked together.

Like she and Logan did at the office.

She blinked away the errant thought, insisting on keeping that subject on the shelf while she enjoyed dinner with her family.

“So, you’re just in time to help me,” Mark said as Cheryl took a seat at the bar.

“Help with what?” she asked.

“Valentine’s Day is coming up and I need some ideas on what to get Grace.”

“Getting serious about Grace, are we?” Monica asked as she snapped peas into a large glass bowl.

“Maybe. I’m not ready for the altar, but I think a woman who can handle me through finals deserves something nice.”

Cheryl chuckled. “She deserves sainthood.”

“Okay, so short of that, what should I get her?”

“That’s easy. Diamonds and gold.”

“I said I’m not ready for the altar.”

“I was thinking necklace, idiot.”

Mark mulled over the suggestion. “What do you think, Mom?”

“A necklace would be nice, or maybe a bracelet.”

He turned to Trisha. “Anyone give you jewelry for Valentine’s Day?”

Trisha tried to remember getting anything on Valentine’s Day, but none of her relationships seemed to make it to that level. Somehow, before things got serious, she’d always found some sort of deal breaker in a man that nixed their future together—a thought that left her wondering about the choices she’d made in the past.

She considered the question. “No jewelry, but Hal had taken me for a motorcycle ride up the coast. That was kind of sweet. He’d told me to bring my camera and we’d stop and shoot some landscapes along the way.”

Trisha had a passion for nature photography, and she’d remembered thinking how sweet it was that Hal had considered her hobby when planning their day.

“Although,” she recalled, “it didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped.”

“God, I remember that.” Cheryl chuckled. “You ended up in some dingy bar, didn’t you?”

“The place was a dive. I spent the whole time worrying my camera would get stolen.”

“What were you doing with that guy?” Cheryl asked. “He was so not you.”

Trisha took a sip of her wine. “I fell for his body and forgot there was a personality inside.”

“He was hot,” Cheryl agreed. “Tell me, is it true what they say about the size of a man’s hands? That guy had some big hands.”

“I’m not hearing this,” their father proclaimed.

Cheryl rolled her eyes. “Come on, Dad, we’re grown women. How do you think you ended up with two grandchildren?”

Phillip gasped and jokingly turned to his wife. “You told me that was divine intervention!”

“It was, honey.” Monica winked. “Cheryl’s just pulling your leg.”

“Can we get back to gift ideas?” Mark asked, that baby-brother whine still evident in his voice at the age of twenty-five.

“I told you,” Cheryl said. “Women are easy. Buy her a necklace. Grace will love it. Men are the hard ones to buy for. I never know what to get Steve.” She looked at their father. “Dad, what was the best Valentine’s present Mom ever gave you?”

“That’s easy. I got a lovely handmade card telling me we were going to have a baby. And eight months later, you were born.”

“Seven,” Monica said. “Remember? All my babies were early.”

Phillip chuckled. “You almost delivered Trisha in the middle of a business meeting. I remember the nurses saying you were the best-dressed screaming woman they’d ever seen.”

Monica groaned. “That was awful. My water broke right in the middle of a roomful of bankers.”

“If you ask me,” Mark chimed in, “I think Trisha just wanted to join the meeting.”

“I’m so sure,” Trisha scoffed.

“Get real. You were born in a business suit and your career is your red-hot lover. You’ve always been that way.”

Had she? Admittedly, she’d always aspired to be like her mother, showing up at dance recitals in those sharp business suits and her hair twisted in a perfect French roll. Trisha had been so proud to show her off, and at a very young age, had aspired to be just like her.

But was that the path she was on? Looking around the room, she realized she was the only one in the family who hadn’t found a serious relationship. Even her little brother had stumbled across that someone special, while Trisha had put her career before everything.

Is that what she really wanted?

Watching her parents together, the answer was a resounding no. Their careers were only a part of their lives, not the sum of it, and Trisha wondered if she’d been too focused on first things first. Admittedly, a woman didn’t make vice president at her age without making her job a priority. But that wasn’t what she’d wanted and the whole issue had her rethinking her priorities.

Her mother hadn’t become an executive until all the children were grown. For most of their lives, she’d just been a branch manager, a job that required little travel and half the responsibility she shouldered now. And as if to make it worse, Trisha had chosen advertising, a career with sharp deadlines and plenty of extra hours. Maybe the VP prospect wasn’t the greatest idea. Not only would it up the ante on the pressures at work, but the Tyndale account would have her on the road for weeks on end.

No wonder Logan had been so concerned about her home life. Maybe he’d seen what she hadn’t—that she’d set aside everything for a fast path to the top, and the thought that it concerned him left an ache in her heart. It was just another reason she needed a man like him, someone who could cut through the fog and remind her that life was about more than work and business.

And if she wanted that life, maybe she would need to set the VP job aside and look for work at another agency. Staying focused on what she wanted was hard enough without pining over a man she couldn’t have. Between her tendency to put her career first and this unending lust for her boss, she was blending a cocktail of misery that she might later regret.

“Mark, don’t be so hard on your sister,” their mother said.

“No, Mom,” Trisha replied. “I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

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