Forever, With You

“But I swear to find a way to make money so I can support us,” Daniel said.

“We’ll think about that another time,” Emily said. She was too overwhelmed with joy to think about such details. All that mattered in that moment was that Daniel was going to move in with her, that they had a child to love and care for. They were going to be a family and Emily couldn’t be happier.

Then she felt his warm breath as he whispered in her ear. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.”

*

“So how would you like this to be your bedroom?” Emily asked.

She was standing with Chantelle in the doorway of one of the loveliest rooms in the whole B&B. Daniel hovered behind them.

Emily watched as Chantelle’s expression turned to astonishment. Then Chantelle dropped Emily’s hand and paced slowly into the room, treading carefully as though she didn’t want to break or disturb anything. She went over to the large bed with its clean, crimson bedding and touched it with her fingertips, ever so lightly. Then she walked to the window and looked out over the gardens and out at the ocean twinkling over the tree tops. Emily and Daniel watched with bated breath as the little girl padded quietly around the room, gently picking up the lamp before setting it back down, then peering into the empty wardrobes.

“What do you think?” Emily asked. “We can paint the walls if you don’t want them white. Change the curtains. Put some of your pictures up on the wall.”

Chantelle turned. “I love it just the way it is. I can really have a bedroom?”

Emily felt Daniel stiffen beside her. She knew immediately what he was thinking: that Chantelle, at six years old, had never had her own bedroom before; that the life she had lived up until this moment had been fraught with hardship and tainted by neglect.

“You really can,” Emily said, smiling kindly. “Why don’t we unpack your stuff? Then it will really start to feel like your room.”

Chantelle nodded and they all went together to collect her things from the carriage house. But once there, Emily was shocked to discover that Chantelle had just one measly backpack.

“Where’s all her stuff?” she asked Daniel covertly as they headed back to the house.

“That’s all there was,” Daniel replied. “She had next to nothing at Sheila’s uncle’s house. I questioned Sheila and she said it had all been left behind when they got evicted.”

Emily tutted under her breath. It broke her heart to think about all the terrible things Chantelle had gone through in her short life. More than anything in the world, she wanted to make sure that the little girl now felt safe, that she had a chance to flourish and put the past behind her. Emily hoped that with love, patience, and stability, Chantelle would be able to recover from the awful start to her life.

Up in Chantelle’s new room, Emily hung the few items of clothing she owned onto hangers in the wardrobe. She had just two pairs of jeans, five shirts, and three sweaters. She didn’t even have enough socks to last a full week.

Chantelle helped unpack her underwear into one of the dresser drawers. “I’m so happy I have parents now,” Chantelle said.

Emily went and sat on the corner of the bed, eager to encourage Chantelle to open up. “I’m happy to have a lovely little girl like you to hang out with.”

Chantelle blushed. “Do you really want to hang out with me?”

“Of course!” Emily said, a little taken aback. “I can’t wait to take you down to the beach, to go out on the boat with you, to play board games and ball games together.”

“My mom never wanted to play with me,” Chantelle said, her voice small and meek.

Emily felt her heart breaking. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, trying not to let the pain in her heart be audible in her voice. “Well, you’ll be able to play all sorts of things now. What do you like to do?”

Chantelle just shrugged, and it occurred to Emily that her upbringing had been so stifling she couldn’t even think of fun things to do.

“Where did Daddy go?” she asked.

Emily looked over her shoulder and saw that Daniel had disappeared. She, too, was concerned.

“He probably just went to get more coffee,” Emily replied. “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we go into the attic to get some stuffed bears for your bedroom?”

She had carefully packed and stored all of her and Charlotte’s old toys from the room that had been boarded up after Charlotte’s death. Chantelle was a similar age to them when the room got closed off so plenty of the toys would be suitable for her.

Chantelle’s face lit up. “You have teddy bears in the attic?”

Emily nodded. “And dolls. They’re all up there having a picnic but I’m pretty sure they’d want another guest. Come on, I’ll show you the way.”

Emily took the little girl up to the third floor and then along the corridor. She pulled down the attic ladder. Chantelle looked up timidly.

“Want me to go first?” Emily asked. “Make sure there aren’t any spiders?”

Chantelle shook her head. “Nope. I’m not scared of spiders.” She sounded proud of herself.

They went up to the attic together and Emily showed her the box of old toys. “You can have anything you want out of there,” she said.

“Will Daddy come and play?” Chantelle asked.

Emily also wanted Daniel around. She wasn’t sure where he’d disappeared to, or why he’d gone. “Let me go ask him. You’ll be okay up here for a bit, right, since you’re not scared of spiders?”

Chantelle nodded and Emily left the little girl playing. She went down through the third and second floors looking for Daniel, then down to the ground floor. She found him in the kitchen standing by the coffee pot motionless.

“Are you okay?” Emily asked.

Daniel startled and then turned. “I’m sorry. I came down for coffee and just got completely overwhelmed by everything.” He looked at Emily and frowned. “I don’t know how to do this. To be a dad. I’m in way over my head.”

Emily walked up to him and lightly rubbed his arm. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“Just hearing her talk kills me. I wish I could have been there for her. Protected her from Sheila.”

Emily wrapped her arms around Daniel. “You can’t look back and worry about the past. All we can do now is make sure we do everything in our power to help her. It’s going to be great, I promise. You’re going to be a great dad.”

She could still feel some resistance in Daniel. She desperately wanted him to soften, to accept her embrace and be comforted from it, but something was stopping him.

“She’s already starting to ask questions,” he said. “She asked me why I never sent her birthday cards. I didn’t know what to say. I mean what can you possibly say to a six-year-old that they can understand?”

“I think we just have to be honest,” Emily said. “Secrets never help anyone.”

She thought of the poignancy of her words. Her father had kept secrets his entire life. Emily had only uncovered the tip of the iceberg since coming here.

Just then, Chantelle rushed into the kitchen. She was holding a large stuffed panda bear in her arms. He was almost as big as she was.

“Look, Daddy! Look!” she said, running up to Daniel.

Emily was shocked. She hadn’t seen the bear while tidying up Charlotte’s old bedroom. It must have been in the attic already. He’d been Charlotte’s favorite. She’d called him Andy the Pandy. Seeing him now sent a shard of pain racing through her body. She wondered how Chantelle had found him amongst all the boxes.

“What’s your bear’s name?” Daniel asked Chantelle, bending down so they were face to face.

“Andy Pandy,” Chantelle said with a grin.

Emily gripped the work surface with shock. Once again, she felt strongly that it was another sign from Charlotte, a reminder not to forget about her, that she was looking down on them from above.

“Hey, I have an idea,” Daniel said, breaking through her reverie. “Do you think Andy would like to go to a parade?”

“Yeah!” Chantelle cried.

Daniel looked up at Emily. “What do you think? Shall we all go to the Labor Day parade? Our first family outing?”

Referring to them as a family snapped Emily out of her stupor.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, I’d like that a lot.”

CHAPTER TWO

The main street was lined with people, some waving flags, others holding balloons. As with most national holiday events, Sunset Harbor was going all out to celebrate Labor Day. The town was decorated beautifully, with bunting and lights strung between lampposts and trees, streamers tied to fences, and a small carnival.

As they walked along the busy streets, Emily held on tightly to Chantelle’s hand, sensing that the little girl was overwhelmed. But every time she looked down there was a grin on Chantelle’s face. It filled Emily’s heart with joy to know she was happy. But it also filled her with much more; a sense of peace, of contentment. She’d wanted children of her own for a while, but she hadn’t realized quite how much enjoyment she’d really get from spending time with Chantelle.

Emily couldn’t help but notice that Daniel, on the other hand, seemed tense. In the busy crowds he seemed on edge, like a hawk sensing danger on every street corner. He’d certainly taken naturally to his role of protector, but he seemed to be lacking somewhat on the bonding front. Emily hoped it was just teething problems, that he would relax as time went on and learn to enjoy parenthood as much as she was. He needed to learn how to be a dad, not just a father.

Through the crowds Emily spotted her Sunset Harbor friend Cynthia Jones from the bookstore. As always, Cynthia had dressed up for the occasion in a sparkly blue skirt, sparkly red shirt, and sparkly white cowboy hat. The whole ensemble clashed horribly with her dyed orange hair.

Seeing Cynthia made Emily feel anguished for the first time in a while. Just a few weeks ago she’d called on the older woman for advice after she and Daniel had discovered that Chantelle existed. Now here she was walking down the road hand in hand with Daniel and his surprise kid, acting like a happy family. Emily couldn’t help but fear her judgment.

But when Cynthia caught sight of them all, she grinned widely and waved. Emily could see approval in her eyes.

“Chantelle, let me introduce you to a friend of mine,” Emily said.

She and Daniel took Chantelle over to where Cynthia was standing. The older woman embraced Emily immediately.

“I knew it would all work out in the end,” she whispered into Emily’s ear as she hugged her tightly.

Emily squeezed back. Cynthia had given her so much support and friendship since she’d arrived in Sunset Harbor eight months ago, and she felt a rush of gratitude in that moment.

“This is Chantelle,” Emily said finally after their embrace ceased.

Cynthia knelt down so she was eye level with the little girl. “I’m so happy to meet you, Chantelle. I think you’re going to really enjoy Sunset Harbor.”

Chantelle became shy and clung to Emily’s leg. Emily couldn’t help herself from stroking the girl’s soft blond hair, feeling an overwhelming maternal sensation inside of her. Again she was struck by how quickly and instantaneous her love for Chantelle was. And she noted how the feeling seemed to be mutual. Chantelle had gone from clinging to Daniel last night to clinging to Emily this afternoon.

Just then a young, thin man with tousled mousy hair approached them.

“Owen,” Cynthia said to him, “you remember Emily, don’t you? From the B&B?”

“Of course,” Emily said, holding her hand out to shake. “You came to tune my piano.”

Owen nodded in agreement. He seemed like a shy man. “How is everything going there now? If I recall, you were in some kind of hurry to get everything fixed up.”

“I was,” Emily replied. “Fixing up twenty rooms in twenty-four hours is not an experience I want to repeat any time soon! But thank you for your help tuning the piano. It sounds fantastic now.”

Owen smiled. “I’m glad to hear it. It was actually quite a pleasure working on an antique piano like that. I’d love to get the opportunity to play it again some day.”

“You’re welcome to come anytime,” Emily said. “Having a resident piano player in the B&B is a future goal of mine. I just don’t have the money at the moment to pay for it.”

“Well,” Owen said, smiling his kind, shy smile, “how about I come and play for free? The exposure would be very useful for me and you’d be doing me a favor.”

Emily was thrilled. “That would be fantastic!”

They exchanged phone numbers and she waved goodbye to Owen. Emily was delighted to have a piano player for the inn.

“Come on, Chantelle,” Emily said, buoyed by her meeting with Owen. “Let’s go to the carnival.”

Taking the lead of the family, Emily directed them to the tents where there were traditional games, a coconut shy, and a shooting range.

“Why don’t you see if you can win Chantelle a toy?” Emily suggested to Daniel.

He gave a sort of lost, helpless look, almost as though he were embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of doing that himself.

“Sure,” he said, smiling in a somewhat forced way. “Just watch this.”

Emily patted Chantelle’s shoulders as they watched Daniel pay the man at the booth and take aim with the pellet gun. Then with three perfect shots he hit the target. Chantelle jumped up and down and started clapping.

“Go on,” Emily encouraged her. “Go and choose a prize.”

Chantelle rushed over to the booth and chose the biggest fluffy teddy bear.

“Why don’t you thank Daddy?” Emily prompted.

Chantelle hugged the bear tightly and looked shyly at her feet as she mumbled her gratitude. Daniel’s tense expression returned. Emily reached out and squeezed his arm reassuringly, as if to tell him he was doing fine. She made a mental note to reinforce Daniel as often as possible, to reward him and comfort him; he was clearly struggling.

Just then they bumped into Serena.

“Oh my God!” Serena cried as she looked from Chantelle to Daniel to Emily. “This is… SO awesome.”

Emily hadn’t had a chance to tell anyone about Daniel’s return, let alone about the fact that he’d brought Chantelle with him. Serena had been one of the people who’d been there for Emily, supporting her through those tough weeks when Daniel had been AWOL. She knew it meant a lot to her young friend to see them all together, happy and united.

Serena bent down to talk to Chantelle. She had such a natural ability to connect with people that Emily could see Chantelle instantly warm to her.

“You know, they sell rainbow cotton candy here,” Serena was saying. “With sparkles in it! Do you want to come and get some with me?”

Chantelle looked up at Daniel and Emily. They both nodded their encouragement. As they watched Serena and Chantelle walk hand in hand over to the cotton candy booth, Emily felt a sudden sense of loss, almost grief. The little girl had only walked to the other side of the street and already Emily felt her absence. This must be what other moms feel like, Emily thought to herself with a smile.

Just then, Daniel pulled Emily close to him, as though seeking her comfort and reassurance.

“You’re doing fine,” she told him as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“I don’t feel like I am,” he replied. “I feel like I’m constantly waiting for a disaster.”

“That makes perfect sense,” Emily reassured. “You’re a dad now. You have dad instincts.”

Daniel laughed. “Dad instincts, huh?” he joked, sounding at ease for the first time since they’d left the inn. “Is that like spidey sense?”

Emily nodded vigorously. “Only a thousand times better.”

As they fell silent and watched Chantelle and Serena at the cotton candy stall, Emily felt content and gloriously happy. Happier, even, than she’d ever thought possible.

Then Serena and Chantelle came bounding back, Chantelle’s face sticky with sugar.

“Try some, Emily!” she cried, showing the sparkly rainbow cotton candy to her.

Emily took a bite, feeling overwhelmed with joy that the little girl wanted to share with her. “Yum!” she said brightly, though she was struggling to hold back her joyful tears.

“Does Daddy want some?” Emily suggested. The last thing she wanted was for Daniel to feel left out, even though a mouthful of sparkly rainbow cotton candy was probably the last thing he’d ever want to consume.

Chantelle shyly held the cotton candy stick up to Daniel. Daniel pulled his mouth open, making it exaggeratedly large, then made a huge chomping noise as he took a pretend bite of the cotton candy, making loud munching noises. Chantelle dissolved into giggles. It was the first time Daniel had let loose, had behaved in a goofy manner with Chantelle. Emily caught Daniel’s eye and wiggled her eyebrows. He flashed her a triumphant smile of accomplishment.

As the parade started, the family stood on the sidewalk and watched the tractors pass. Everyone in Sunset Harbor was out for the day and Emily greeted many of her friends. She no longer felt awkward about appearing in public with Daniel and Chantelle. This was what she wanted and if people disapproved, then that didn’t matter to her.

But just as Emily was feeling her most confident yet, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and a sensation like ice washed over her. Trevor Mann was standing there looking smug and toad-like.

He smoothed down his moustache. “I’m surprised to see you here, Emily,” he said.

Emily folded her arms and sighed, knowing instinctively that Trevor was going to try to bring her down. “And why’s that, Trevor?” she said, dryly. “Please tell me. I’m dying to know.”

Trevor smiled in his crooked, horrible way. “I just wanted to remind you that your extension on the back taxes is running out. You have until Thanksgiving to get them all paid up.”

“I’m well aware of that,” Emily replied coolly, but the reminder was less than welcome. Emily still had no idea how she was going to find the money to pay them off.

She watched Trevor turn on his heel and disappear, leaving Emily feeling cold and terrified.

*

Chantelle seemed to have taken an instant liking to Serena, so Emily invited her back to the house for dinner. Emily decided to make a massive meal of fajitas. She wanted Chantelle to feel secure and loved, stimulated with activities and nourished with sustenance. So while Serena and Chantelle played on the piano together in the living room, Daniel and Emily cooked up all kinds of different dishes in the kitchen.

“I don’t know if she’s even tried half this stuff,” Daniel said as he mixed up some homemade salsa. “Tomatoes. Avocados. It’s probably all new to her.”

“She didn’t eat well at home?” Emily asked. But she knew the answer. Of course not. Her mom couldn’t even keep a roof over the child’s head or buy her enough pairs of pants to last a week; the chances of her nourishing Chantelle were slim to none.

“It was a chips and Pop-tarts kind of house,” Daniel replied, his jaw stiff. “No routine. Just eat when you’re hungry.”

Emily could see how much pain he carried in the way his shoulders hunched, by the frantic way he smooshed the avocados into guacamole like there was no tomorrow.

Emily walked over and gently ran her hands down his arms, until the tension seemed to melt from his muscles.

“She’s got us now,” Emily soothed him. “She’ll be clean. She’ll be fed. She’ll be safe. Okay?”

Daniel nodded. “I just feel like we have so much time to make up for. Like, can we ever really erase what she went through when I wasn’t there for her?”

Emily’s heart dropped. Did Daniel really feel responsible for the years he couldn’t control? For all those months, weeks, and days he’d been unable to love and care for Chantelle?

“We can,” Emily told him firmly. “You can.”

Daniel sighed and Emily could tell he wasn’t completely buying it, that her words were going in one ear and out the other. It would take time before he felt okay about his absence at the beginning of Chantelle’s life. Emily just hoped his moping wouldn’t push the little girl away from him.

The food was ready so they all went into the dining room to eat. At the huge antique dark oak table, Chantelle looked tiny. Her elbows barely rested on the tabletop. The room hadn’t exactly been designed with children in mind.

“I’ll fetch her a cushion,” Serena said, laughing.

Just then, Emily noticed that Chantelle was crying.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” she said gently. “I know you’re low down but Serena will get a cushion and then you’ll be able to sit as tall as a princess.”

Chantelle shook her head. That wasn’t what had upset her, but she didn’t seem to be able to express in words what had.

“Is it the food?” Daniel worried. “Too spicy? Too much? You don’t have to eat it all. Or any of it. We can get takeout.” He turned to Emily, his words tumbling out with anguish. “Why didn’t we get takeout?”

Emily raised her eyebrows as if to tell him to cool it, to not add any unnecessary emotion to the situation. Then she drew back her chair, stood, went over to Chantelle, and knelt beside her.

“Chantelle, you can speak to us,” she said as gently as possible. “Me and your daddy. We’re here for you and we won’t be angry.”

Chantelle leaned into Emily and whispered. Her voice was so quiet as to be almost inaudible. But Emily just managed to make out the words she’d uttered, and as understanding seeped into Emily’s mind, a bolt of emotion struck her heart.

“She said they’re happy tears,” Emily relayed to Daniel.

She watched the breath of relief rush from Daniel’s chest, and the glitter of tears in his eyes.

*

Later that evening, it was time for Emily and Daniel to put Chantelle to bed.

“I want Emily to do it,” Chantelle requested, taking her hand.

Emily and Daniel exchanged a glance. Emily could tell by the way he shrugged that he was disappointed to be excluded.

“Say goodnight to Daddy then,” Emily prompted.

Chantelle ran over to him and planted a quick kiss on his cheek before returning to Emily, where she clearly seemed more comfortable.

Of all the motherly tasks Emily had had to do in the last twenty-four hours, this was the most nerve-wracking for her. She tucked the little girl into the large four-poster bed in the room next to the master, tucking her teddy from the parade in beside her and Andy Pandy on the other side.

“Would you like a bedtime story?” Emily asked Chantelle. Her father had always read to her at night; she wanted to recreate that magic for Chantelle.

The little girl nodded, her sleepy eyes already beginning to droop.

Emily ran down to the library and found her old copy of Alice in Wonderland. It had been a favorite of hers as a kid, and when she’d found the old, dusty copy in the house when she’d first arrived she’d been overwhelmed. It made her happy to know she could give the book a new lease on life and bring the joy contained within its pages to someone new.

She took the book back upstairs and sat in a chair beside the bed, just like her father used to do. As she began to read, Emily felt memories swirl up inside of her. Her own voice transformed into her father’s as she felt herself being transported back in time.

She was tucked in bed, the blankets up to her armpits. The room was lit with candlelight. She could see the banisters of the mezzanine ahead of her and realized she was in the huge room at the back of the house, the room she and Charlotte shared. Though she was fighting to stay awake, to keep listening to the wonderful story her father was reading, her eyelids were beginning to feel heavy and droop. A moment later she became aware of the darkness enveloping her and the sound of her father’s footsteps as he climbed down the mezzanine ladder and headed for the door. There was a burst of light from the landing as he opened the door, then a voice saying, “Are they sleeping?” Emily wondered whose voice it was. She didn’t recognize it. It wasn’t her mom’s because she’d stayed in New York. But before she had a chance to mull it over any longer, she fell asleep.

Emily startled back to the present moment. The room was in darkness now, the full moon outside providing a soft light. There was a blanket on her knees. She must have fallen asleep while reading and Daniel had put it there.

In the bed before her, Chantelle was snoring softly. Emily stood, her body aching from being on the chair for so long. She really needed to fall asleep in an actual bed at some point!

As she walked to the door, she wondered about the memory, about the mysterious voice she had heard speaking to her father. Unraveling the mystery of her father’s disappearance was something Emily had been working toward since arriving at the house. But now with Chantelle here, her mind was occupied with other things. She wanted to look forward and plan for the future, not backward at a past that had already ceased to be.