The Surrogate's Unexpected Miracle

There was a long silence. It had to be obvious that she was struggling to keep herself together right now. Most strangers would have probably realised they were intruding in something very personal and made some kind of apology and then an excuse to let her have some time to herself or an offer to find someone she wanted to talk to. But Luke just sat there quietly. Absorbing her struggle. Offering his company and what felt like...empathy?

‘It’s all gone so terribly wrong,’ she found herself whispering into the silence. ‘Her husband walked out on her a couple of weeks ago. The marriage is over. And now Ava’s gone, too. Just gone...’ She had to stop and take a very shaky breath. ‘And I can’t really blame her. She’s devastated and, as she told me, it’s not really her baby. It was my egg. And now...now it’s my baby and...and I have no idea what I’m going to do...’

Luke’s frown had deepened but he was still listening. Nodding very slowly. ‘And the father?’

‘Marco? I don’t think he’s coming back. Apparently he said he’d never really wanted a baby in the first place.’ Ellie’s voice was stronger now. She was on much more solid ground. ‘And I don’t want him to.’

An eyebrow quirked under that shaggy fringe but Ellie saw the subtle lift of the corners of Luke’s mouth. He liked what he was hearing, she realised, and that made her want to say a whole lot more.

‘I thought I could do it, you know? Donate an egg and carry a baby for someone else. I thought I could hand him over the minute he was born and then just be...I don’t know...a kind of auntie, I guess. We’d planned to tell him eventually. When he was old enough to understand.’

‘But...?’

‘It was when I heard him cry...’ Again, Ellie had to stop talking to try and deal with the flood of emotion but, this time, it wasn’t anything to do with loss or grief. This was joy, pure and simple. ‘That was when I knew that this was my baby. That I could never give him away. That he’s...he’s the most important thing in my life now...’

Ellie had to scrub away an errant tear but it didn’t matter. Luke looked as though he was blinking back some extra moisture in his own eyes. And his voice sounded a bit rusty when he spoke again.

‘Have you given him a name?’

Ellie sniffed inelegantly and then smiled. ‘I had the best dad in the world. He was a forestry worker and got killed in an industrial accident when I was only six but I’ve never forgotten how much he loved me. How much I loved him. His name was James but everyone called him Jamie.’ She had to use the fingers of both hands to wipe her cheeks this time. ‘So that’s what I’m going to call him. Jamie.’

As if he’d heard his name, the baby stirred and started to cry. Ellie turned and leaned towards the bassinet but then froze, unable to stop her gasp of pain. It wasn’t just the stitches in a very tender place. Her whole body felt bruised and battered right now.

‘Let me...’

Luke got to his feet in a smooth movement that was both relaxed and confident. He picked up the swaddled bundle of baby but he didn’t immediately hand him to Ellie. He stood there, holding the baby in his arms, patting him gently as he smiled down at the tiny face.

‘Hi, Jamie,’ he said softly. ‘Welcome to the world...’

Jamie hiccupped and then stopped crying. Luke stopped patting and started rubbing the baby’s back, his hand looking huge against the small bundle.

‘You made a bit of a dramatic entrance,’ Luke continued quietly, still smiling. ‘You had us a bit worried there for a while, mate.’

Ellie was lying back on her pillows as the pain subsided. There was something about watching this big man holding her tiny baby that was doing funny things to her heart and making her want to cry all over again.

Her hormones were all over the place right now, weren’t they?

And then she felt her cheeks flush. ‘I haven’t even said thank you,’ she said. ‘You saved Jamie’s life...probably mine, too.’

It seemed as if Jamie had gone back to sleep but Luke didn’t put him back into the bassinet. He perched on the bed again, holding the bundle as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

‘It was my pleasure,’ he said. ‘The best job I’ve had since I came back.’

So had they been just a ‘job’ to him? Just another case and one that would be remembered for snatching success from imminent disaster? Oddly, the disappointment felt crushing.

‘Back?’ Ellie was relieved to achieve a casual tone.

‘I’ve been working in Australia pretty much since I graduated from medical school. I’ve taken a three month locum here because I needed some time to sort my parents’ estate. And I was ready for a change so it’s a good time to take a break and reassess my future.’

So he was a locum. And he was only here for three months.

‘I’ve heard about a couple of great positions already,’ he continued. ‘I’m tossing up whether I want to apply for the one in London or Boston right now. Both of them are in major trauma centres that deal with things you’d be lucky to ever see in Auckland.’

The disappointment was still there, ready to roll in on another wave. How weird was that? Was it because he represented a link to the past? They’d been to the same school. They would know a lot of the same people in the area Ellie had grown up in. She’d already lost so many links to that happy part of her early life and it had seemed as if the last one had gone with Ava’s disappearance.

She swallowed hard. ‘Yeah...I guess that’s exactly what I have to do now. Reassess my future.’

A whimper from the baby prompted Luke to move. This time he transferred the bundle into Ellie’s arms. And then he caught her gaze. He didn’t have to say anything.

She was holding her future.

‘Are you going to manage?’ he asked quietly. ‘Have you got family and friends to support you?’

‘No family,’ Ellie said. ‘But I’ve got some good friends. You’ve met Sue, in ED? Well, she’s organising an emergency baby shower. I don’t have anything. Not even a nappy...’

She had to look away from that steady gaze. She didn’t want him to know how terrifying it was. In a day or two, she had to take this brand new little person back to a totally inappropriate inner city apartment where there was barely enough room for herself, let alone a baby and all the gear she was going to need, like a cot and a pram and stacks of nappies.

She didn’t even know how she was going to pay the rent on that apartment...

Luke was pulling a pen from the top pocket of his scrubs. He fished out a small notebook and ripped out a page.

‘This is my phone number,’ he told her. ‘If you ever need help, ring me.’

Ellie’s eyes widened.

Luke grinned. ‘No, I don’t usually do this for my patients. But you’re special. You’re an old bus buddy so we go way back, even if my memory’s a bit hazy.’

Ellie pressed her lips together. Her memory was getting less hazy by the minute. She had noticed Luke every time he’d sauntered down the bus aisle past her seat. The bad boy who’d been expelled from every school he’d been to until he got to Kauri Valley. The angry kid who’d somehow morphed into the coolest one. The one that every girl had been desperate to be with...

He put the scrap of paper on the top of her locker.

‘Want me to get someone for you? Do you need help with Jamie? Or some pain relief or anything?’

‘I think I’m ready to sleep,’ Ellie told him. ‘Jamie seems to be settled again. Could you put him back in the bassinet for me, please?’

She watched as he carefully positioned the baby on his side and then tucked the sheet securely around him. There was nothing more he needed to do but he paused for a long moment—that big, artistic looking hand cupping the baby’s head so gently that the spikes of dark hair barely moved. Ellie could feel that touch herself and it felt as if it were cupping her heart.

He was quite something now, this grown up bad boy.

‘Sweet dreams, little guy,’ Luke murmured.

And then, with a smile, he was gone, letting himself out of Ellie’s room as quietly as he’d come in. He left the door slightly ajar and she could hear the muted sounds of a maternity ward on night shift. The distant cry of another baby. Soft-soled shoes going past in the corridor.

Her baby was asleep and she needed to rest herself. It was the only opportunity she was going to get to heal and gather her strength for what lay ahead.

Adjusting her body to find a more comfortable position, Ellie could see the top of her locker where that scrap of paper lay beside her water glass.

He’d said they were ‘bus buddies’, she remembered.

He’d said that she was special...

He’d given her his phone number to use if she needed help.

Not that she would, but having it there somehow made her immediate future look a little less terrifying.

Ellie drifted into much-needed sleep unaware of the curve of her lips.

She was special...

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