The struggle between good and evil

Once I saw from the window of my house how the father of this little child ran to his two-year-old son, grabbed him by the collar, lifted him up a little, squeezed his throat and gave him a spanking. The baby’s body flew from every father’s spank, almost a meter ahead and a little bit upward. I did not hear the cries of the baby, although my window was slightly ajar. He could not scream for one simple reason – his throat was squeezed. Only after his father blew up at his son, he was able to let him go. Baby fell to the ground and through tears and cough tried to catch his breath. I was shocked. Everything happened so quickly that I did not even have time to shout something out of the window. Or maybe I could not cry out something because my heart just caught a shock. I remember when I was bitten by a dog, and I could not move my foot, because a wave passed from my leg led to the numbness of the whole body. When the kid rose from the ground rapidly breathing and chocking with tears, he ran to his father and hugged him. But his dad just pretended that he was pitiful to his son. The little boy had no one else to run after love and cure the physical pain, so he ran to his father to be pitied.

In a few seconds I realized why my cheerful neighbor had not been shining brightly with joy for the last few years. I thought that there was another reason. I thought that she had become a serious, caring, silent married woman, but I was wrong. Her marriage turned into a very intense suffering and experience. A couple of minutes later I ran out into the yard and approaching this man, said: “What are you doing, you almost strangled your son! Are you able to beat your children?!” When I said this, tears flowed from my eyes and my hands trembled violently. His son looked back at me and tried to hide from me somewhere deeper into father’s arms, thinking that now I would strangle and beat his father. He loved father very much and he wanted him to be pitied. But his father was only angry and annoyed.

His father answered: “I told him not to play near the puddle! And generally, what do you need? Who are you? This is my son, and I will deal with him by myself! And don’t poke your way into my business. Do not teach me how to live.”

There was no love for people in this man. His son just fell into a puddle, and the evil father nearly killed his son for it. If I continued bicker fest with him and would say: “You squeezed your son’s throat and he had nothing to breathe, you could kill him, he hardly breathed, and still stammers very much,” I hardly could hear an excuse in response, because there was no love and intelligence in the eyes of this man, but there was some kind of discontent and anger. He did not know what an apology and forgiveness were. He could not do it. Therefore, I went to my home with great sadness, pity and love for this child and his mother. Looking on the behavior of his son I realized that this beating was not at all like cultivation of personality and it was not for the first time as well.

In the evening I told this to the baby’s mother. I heard in response: “Thank you.” Afterwards the door was closed right in front of my face. Her husband was sick with anger, great irritation, hatred, psychosis, heart blindness and frivolity. When I looked into his eyes, I was very scared for a few seconds. I understood that this false and unacceptable “cultivation of personality” happened not for the first time. Natalia knew about father’s attitude to the child, and because of this she had a constant depressed state. The further history of this family is not known to me, since after a while my family and I left this small suburb and moved to a big city.

The evil mind constantly told me: “Look at this father and all the men and understand that they were always the same. Men are not like you. Here is the best example of an insane father. Although your father is much worse than the one who suffocates his children. He, like your father, just never had a mind. After all, it is not necessary to be a genius to think that a little child does not have an iron neck. All men always lacked of mind. They do not know how to get into problems like women. And all the women themselves are just like some zombies, who always regret someone and love immensely, but as soon as somebody steps on toes, they are ready just to eat their offender. So it is not necessary to love people who just do not deserve to be loved. Loving people is a bad idea. This is the real torture…”

All these thoughts are just one of a thousand images of the evil thoughts that dwell in my head. But it is not only these false ideas that do not have logic, which try to deprive me of love, but hatred, pride, resentment, suspiciousness, fears, inexperience, stupidity and many other things, fight against me. But I know that people regret that they hated their near and dear people and strangers, and also regret that they did something evil to them. But if a person regrets about all that bad things, then why should we speak or do something bad throughout our life? Sooner or later every evil word, every evil glance, every rejection, every evil feeling and thought comes back to one’s memory. People regret that they did not love their near and dear. The logic is simple: you must renounce all evil and stick only to the good.

I know that some people who have lost their loved ones are ashamed of the people present at the funeral because they were completely wrong with their loved ones. But such a person hopes that other people will not understand this shame or will think that he loved his near and dear. People can feel this shame only for a few hours. Someone can regret about it for a few weeks, someone may suffer for several months or years, but someone can say: “I do not regret at all because I loved my near and dear very much and never offended him. I’m happy that I gave him only strong love. I’m happy with love. It is truth and light. Man left us rich and full of our love. He was really happy.”

It is also surprising that some people can feel shame or embarrassment for all their lives not for lack of love, but vice versa for love. Such a man boasts with everything but not with love. Such a person says: “Look, I’m so smart, strong, beautiful, rich and so on.” But you will not hear from such a person such words as: “I am happy that I love. Look! I can teach you how to love! My life is filled with love! I love and I’m happy!!! “But some people, for some reason, never said such words in their lives neither aloud, nor deep inside in their hearts.

Of course, not all people live their lives without love. There are people who understand what life and love is, and what life is for love and vice versa. But indifference, anger, selfishness, resentment, curses and insults, rage, irritation, psychosis and much more unnecessary evil change take place in a person who does not have love inside. All this evil is struggling to supersede love, which is the basis of everything that exists around.

Many people, including that very friend of mine, want to turn back time to correct what was done or said, and also want to do something they have never did before. They also want a person to come to life even for a minute, to say how much they love him.

But lost time is never found again, so it is needed to love constantly. A person who has a desire to love has every chance to give this love to other people, since life is not some kind of joke. If someone thinks that it’s possible to joke with life, then he is very deeply mistaken. There is no place for frivolity in life.

If you take someone’s life and stretch it, for example, for sixty years, then by what formula would each person live this life? Someone’s formula for life can look like this: “Pride + anger + insulting humiliating words + irritation + quarrels + cries + slander + deception + curses + violence + revenge + unforgiveness + insolent ridicule + lies for benefits + the rest multiple madness = a bad and unloving person. “And only the last few minutes of this formula people can give to that very love that they probably never knew before. Such people regret that they spent their entire lives without love and did not like other people. Why did a man who had been living for sixty years never think about love? Maybe someone would like to love, but simply ashamed of this love and could not just look cherishingly in somebody’s eyes or could not move beyond his pride, waiting for the first step from the other person. But where does the embarrassment or pride go when a gravely ill person, dying in his bed, does not hesitate to say to his children and his wife such words: “Forgive me for being so mean to you. I love you very much.” Where does the shame and pride of man disappear? But if a person simply loved other people, he would simply endlessly enjoy his love which comes from his heart. And of course this love would be enjoyed by all the people around him! The question arises: “Who creates a love formula that does not have love?” Of course, it is created by the person himself. But an intelligent person does not create a formula of evil and does not yield to it. A clever person creates a formula with love.

Evil and stupidity go together, just like love and mind always hold hands and do not let each other go even for a second.

Many people want to have this love and peace. And such people can deprive themselves and other people of love because of the simple fear of getting reproach or ridicule. Or they just close this love in themselves because of fear of being inflicted by other people, any violence or humiliating proud offenses. Or a person is simply afraid that he will be called a kind handicraft teacher from a good children’s fairy tale, and they will not respect him for his good deeds, merciful love and a kind heart. And how can it look like? Just like that:

A friend of mine married a former prisoner. His problem was that he ceased to open his heart to people and stopped talking and smiling with others. He simply closed his heart and turned-on some kind of protection, because of what he saw and tested on him before. I asked him: “Why do you always walk with an angry face and don’t smile to people, don’t greet them with love? When you get to know a new person, it seems that you see an enemy soldier in him/her. You try to find out and finally find only bad qualities in him/her, and then you stand and chew over all of the evil human psychology and nature. And you are not an angry or irritable person, but there is just a frightening mask on your face!” Of course my question alerted him and forced him to shrink into himself. He did not answer my question, because his slanting arrogant proud look gave me an answer instead of him. The following thoughts ran through his head: “What do you know and what do you see?” There was nothing more in his head, because he could not have any more thoughts. He did not answer my question. He was worried if he tells us the reason for putting an angry mask on his face, then we can see his kindness and jump on him like on a donkey and use his kindness and we will rant: “It is prohibited to be kind in this world. Man is a wolf to man.”

He thought that kindness was a shame. He thought that good is a weakness. He thought that his wife and I would inflict evil blows to his kind soul. His gaze was similar to a security guard’s one, and there was written on his face: “Do not come to me and do not say or do anything to me, otherwise you might be as good as dead.” One day he told our young company the following: “People are like dogs! When you show pity and good to them, they grow insolent and walk over, regarding pity and good as weakness. So in my world there is no place for good or pity. Yes! Yes! Like dogs! The first who will restrain the others is the leader! Yes! And here’s another thing! You guys leave your friendly hugs! I embrace only girls! Here is my territory! Keep away from me at arm’s length!”

The environment in which he grew up, as well as many years of imprisonment still took their toll. He did not have the core of love inside, mind and inner strength, so he broke down mentally. His love was hacked. It was beaten many times, and it could not stand these blows. Of course, his love had to be like a concrete wall, and not be like a blotter. But before he got to prison he did not have this concrete wall, because making a robbery attack on another person, he did not even have a blotter. He absolutely did not care what could happen to the person he gave a thump on the head and from whom he picked out his bag and purse..

His wife told me that he could not confide in her. He worries that she will strike at his weak spots, as people in his former country did, and how people who were with him in places of detention did. Therefore, when he went out into the street, he frowned and gave an imitation of an evil animal’s frightening look. But imitating an angry frightening look, he only hurt everyone around him, carrying evil in his eyes, and was also tired of playing this evil role. But the actors who play the villains and show that evil is always wrong, that evil always loses and is unacceptable in the life of every person, they get paid and bring the money to their family, pleasing their relatives with love and prosperity. But the evil deterrent and killing love glance does not bring money, sense, goodness, and love in the real life. Evil disfigures a person and deprives him of pleasure and enjoyment from pure love. But it is interesting to note that he did not have good friends. All his friends were evil. I do not even want to remember the day when he introduced us to some of his friends. It was strange that he unclosed to his friends and trusted them more than us and all other kind people. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. Perhaps, his words which were said once have no explanation too: “I’ve seen a lot in this life, you’ll never understand this”. When he pronounced these words, he felt like some kind of cool person who saw and felt something that others never even felt before. Probably, the person to whom he gave a thump on the head while committing a robbery attack also now tells how he was robbed and tells his friends that they did not even dream about it.

I remember how my brother was bitten by a dog, and he told all his friends how tough he was. He told his friends that they would never have sustained such a dog attack and could not have fought with it. With these words he only discombobulated and offended his friends, just as my friend’s husband had already offended me with his gaze by my now quondam friend. Why quondam? Just because I could not continue to communicate with them. After communicating with them I degenerated and felt grayness, emptiness and disgust towards their company inside me. Laughter over immorality, booze, rudeness and all the rest madness was alien to me. Our roads had to disperse urgently. But if a person has not been bitten by a dog, if a person has not serve in the army, if a person has not serve time in jail, if a person has never been at war and collect his guts near a burning tank, then such a person would not be the coolest? Of course not! It’s like stupidity! I somehow asked this comrade: “And should not my brother be imprisoned to make you respect him and should I be imprisoned with him?” When he heard this question, he did not answer for a few seconds, because he knew that I was a very smart girl. He knew that if he answered as he thought, then he would just look stupid. Therefore, he was ashamed to answer the question correctly, because he wanted to think quite differently, as he actually thought. After that, he did not want to communicate with me at all. Of course, he does not want to communicate with me. After all, I give people the mind and love, while he gives the wish to other guys to stay in prison and become cool. When the conversation came about the prison, he proudly replied: “I’ve been there and I know what it is. You will never understand it.” He deliberately exposed his hands with tattoo and told inwardly, lighting a cigarette: “I’m cool, because I was there”. My brother also told me repeatedly: “I hung on the balcony and jumped off the second floor. You will never repeat what I‘ve done.”

The comrade of my ex-friend understood in his mind that he told people bad things. He understood that from his words people might have a desire to follow in his footsteps, understood that many of them would want to make tattoos and many would want to learn jargon, but still said this because he wanted to distinguish himself and feel good. When young very beautiful and attractive girls said about him: “Look what a tough guy,” then the next day this fellow would show all his tattoos and tell what each of them means. These girls liked this and, the next day, he no longer hesitated to hide his tattoos, but on the contrary, he set them forth. But was it right? I do not think so at all. Is criminal and prison life romantic? No, it isn’t. It’s a big mistake of real life. And it isn’t worth to play in jail, as there is a probability that the entire saint can hide inside, and an evil and proud look, a smoking cigarette, a demonstration of tattoos and so on will be at the level of high flying birds.

When I get married, my husband will not regret that he married me, and will not live without love. I won’t remind him about his weak points and will always love him. Honestly speaking, the relationship between people is the most difficult relationship in the world. But when the basis of relations consists of pure love and mind, then there are no difficulties at all. There is only pleasure from the mind and love. But not only simple love should be inside a person. There should be a patient and humble love. One person asked me: “And where is the patience?” I answered: “And what do you need to love people?” He, having understood, answered: “Patience.”

Every person wants to see only ideal people around him. But if a person sees imperfection in another man, will he really consider him a fool? Will he laugh and tease him? Of course, it’s impermissible. Without showing patience to such people we just destroy love itself. Almost every day my little brother made some mistakes. But I didn’t hurry to be angry with him and humiliate him for it. On the contrary, with patience and with love I tried to show him his mistakes, and teach to what misdemeanors and sins can lead to. Although our father constantly got angry when he heard the word “sin”, I still told my brother that all evil is a sin. Anger, irritation and psychosis offend a person, but love shows mistakes and set on the right path with pleasure. Love teaches, prompts and helps.

What is the basis of child-rearing? Of course, patience and love! I have always admired and surprised with people who work as educators and teachers. How much patience do all these teachers need? But still, some of them are surprised when they are asked a question about patience. Such people answer: “Oh, what patience can you talk about?” I like to play with the kids and teach them, as well as for to spend time with them! Just look, how they pull their hands toward you and look at you with their loving eyes. So, why do you ask about patience?” But some people get panic and even feel irritation, anger and displeasure, when they see small children, schoolchildren or students. Such people often make an angry face before children and schoolchildren and begin to grumble. Such people are lack of patience and love. But children do not like angry and grumpy people; they start to fear them and try to avoid them, as well as many other people do. That’s how my future husband will avoid me if I get angry, grumble, and do not get patience and love. When he comes home from work, he stays at the door in front of the entrance to the yard, and then at the door in front of the house, delaying the time, because he is not pleased with my presence. In this situation, two people can suffer at once. My husband suffers and I suffer from the fact that anger, psychosis, resentment and quarrels can live within me instead of gentle, merciful, healing, attracting love and joy. Or maybe he will slowly walk down the street from work to home, because the rustle of the leaves will be much quieter than the grumbling and screams of his spiteful wife? But why do some wives behave this way? The answer, I think, is very simple. A person simply does not have a strong core of patience, humility, kindness, mercy, God’s love inside.

Now I will tell you a few more stories about my friends, and then I will tell you my story. I’ll start a story about one of my friends who married a good guy. They had good relationships before the wedding. But the only one thing worried me very much. She always said such words to me: “My Vitalik is a very nice guy, he is kind, understanding, adequate, purposeful, promising.” She always dreamed of big money and constantly talked about it. Any topic of conversation tended after a while to expensive cars, millions of dollars and to big houses. When Vitaliy could not give her all this, quarrels and scandals appeared in their house. I was sorry for him, because I knew who Vitaliy was and who my friend was. Then she called him and asked: “How are you, what about your relationships with Natalia?” He answered: “You know, I do not really care, I do not even want to talk about it.” I did not know her nature before, and why I had not notice it previously”?

Natalia was mainly focused only on wealth. She was angry, psychotic and always told Vitalik: “Look! Enough time has passed by, and we have not grown rich with you!”

I can’t say that they were lack of something; on the contrary, they had everything. They had their own house, car, children, health, work and parents, who constantly helped them. Many people in general do not have any of the above and they keep on loving. They do not curse or humiliate their husbands, because they cannot buy an expensive car or anything else. I call this phenomenon “love for material things”. But if this is what all people on earth do, then when they are in a desert, why will they love each other? In fact, besides underwear and water, they will have nothing. I am very surprised with some girls who are constantly not happy with something. They are dissatisfied with the salaries of their husbands, unhappy that their husbands have not given them flowers for a long time, dissatisfied with their appearances, and so on. But I also wanted a car and my house when I did not have them. But I never threw scandals to my parents and did not beg for anything. But Natalia, unfortunately, did not have the love, mercy, patience and did not learn to be satisfied. She saw nothing and nobody around her, because of this unnecessary money. Why unnecessary? Just because they would only harm Natalia, and would also harm other people. Natalia did not like Vitaliy, she saw only one perspective and a bag of money in him. With her screams and scandals she brought Vitaly’s mother to a heart attack, who was then taken to the hospital. Vitaliy’s father said: “It’s necessary to experience something personally to grow up and get wiser to Natalia. She probably needs to see how other people live. She needs to go through the fire and water. “Then he laughed and said: “I once read a story about one slaveholder who was left to watch over the slaves building a beautiful house.

This slave-owner had neither intelligence nor experience, and he also disliked his workers. He did not manage to build this house. All his slaves fell ill and died. He shouted at them, cursed and hurried them, increased the time of their work in half, forgetting to feed them and give water. He was surprised why he did not manage to build this beautiful house. This slave-owner was a dummy, like your Natalia, spoiled, empty and unable to appreciate people and life. By the way, my children, do you know what the sin of covetousness is? “Vitalik and I answered:" No, we do not know! “Then the father said:" Covetousness is the state when a person leaves love and makes sin because of money. Because of money a person is ready to deceive, scandal, be angry, irritated, hysterical and humiliated, and he is also ready to organize criminal groups and communities by killing, plundering and blackmailing people.”

Poor Vitalik and poor Natalia! I had absolutely no anger at my girlfriend, nor had any members of her family. We were just very sorry for her. There was much good inside her. She was hospitable and never wanted evil to anybody. But this desire to have a lot of money, just eat her from the inside and lead only to bad consequences and an endless psychosis, because of which Vitaliy’s mother also got to the hospital. When Natalia found out about this, her hands trembled, and she was attacked by fear. She realized all the seriousness of her behavior in a second.