Feel yourself like at home

Paradoxically, though, depending upon a situation, sometimes avoiding a handshake would tell about tactful attitude to a visitor. If you are told “sorry, my hands are dirty”, and then a man would outstretch for a handclasp his forearm instead of the palm, more likely he just came back from a toilet and did not wash his hands yet.

Should I remind here that the Turkmens have distinctive traditions of hospitality, and that every welcome visitor will be met with a special care? After all, there is a saying “a guest is more important than a father”!

It seems that a respect of a guest is in the blood of the Turkmen, expressed since early childhood, and they will tolerate with good-natured by indulgence many possible misunderstandings from a representative of another nation, especially from those who are not their neighbors and may be unaware of local customs.

On the other hand, there is room for an opportunity to become a more pleasant visitor if one shows just a little familiarity with local manners—and such willingness in a guest will be appreciated!

An esteemed reader may have noticed that I have talked mostly about men shaking hands. It is easily understandable without a slightest suspicion for what may seem to be a discrimination of women. Being a man, I practice hand shaking with other men every day and nearly every hour. Therefore, details on men greeting men are more known and closer to me rather than styles of greetings between the Turkmen women.

Also, it is natural that in our tradition the ways for greetings between a man and a woman would be different of those between men.

Simultaneously I dare say that the narration will be incomplete it not to touch at least briefly greeting manner among the women.

“Womanly” greetings

We should return to the tribal and geographical differences: in accordance with local traditions in Mary velayat, where I have an origin and live in, men do not exchange handshakes with representatives of the other sex in most cases. On the other hand, again there is no rule without an exception. So, sometimes, women and girls may outstretch both hands for “eleshmek uchin” (“to shake hands”) with a man to demonstrate an especial honor, or when greeting a close friend.

When this happened to me for the first time, I acted quite awkwardly in an attempt to decide quickly: whether to seize her palm and hold it for a while, how long to hold, how strongly to squeeze, and so on. So, later, when I expected a similar situation, I was a little bit more quick, and could step aside or pretend to be absent-minded to avoid the handshake.

Several years passed since my confusion, and then, at last, I have noticed what my brother-in-law (a representative of the Teke tribe) did in a similar situation. With an elegant gesture he turned the palm of his right hand down, and extended his wrist to the female guest to let her clasp it.

Indeed, some obvious details may lie just in front of your eyes without being noticed, and stay unnoticed for a long time. The same occurred here – afterwards, I realized how many times I have seen this gesture but did not pay attention.

In addition, nearly at once I remembered a scene from quite old movie about the greatest Turkmen poet of all times, Makhtumkuli Fragi: when he returned to his beloved home after many years of travel, and the women of his kin ran to meet him, he turned his hand down, hiding his fingers inside his sleeve and stretched his wrist so they could shake hands with them.

An entirely different approach is observed among the Ersary people to whom I belong myself. Boys, girls, men, and women – as it seems at a first glance, it does not matter! They shake hands willingly, repeatedly at every time of a day they meet.

Now, please, let me to return again to “female” greetings, namely – addressing to a woman? How and did I pay a close attention to the differences? Shame on me, again in mature age…

For a few years of my life, I have worked as a private taxi driver at some period in my life. I have to clarify here that my main goal in this occupation was to be inside the turbulent life of the surrounding people and to get an opportunity to talk with them freely than for mere making money. Besides, the latter was rather difficult to do in our town, with one of lowest fees for transportation in Turkmenistan. A reader might not believe thus but until recently (before the fuel price increased), a passenger had to apply some effort to persuade a driver to take money at arrival! When everyone knows everyone well or when people are connected by family ties, this attitude is quite common in Turkmen communities (most of them are quite tightly knit). Life in a small provincial town could have its own specific advantages.

On the other hand, you never know to whom you would talk over the day, what you would be able to watch on a street, and how many hints to this or that side of life you would catch directly from your occasional fellow customers. At that period, I had no any idea and did not suspect that in some years I would get to compose an outline of Turkmen greetings, for example. However, many pictures “from the reality”, verified over and over again during a whole series of unceasing meetings and observations, were stored in my trained memory.

Naturally, these observations were supplemented by the facts which came from other sources. Now they all have been interlaced so much that it would be impossible to separate, and I myself might not recognize their source anymore.

One of those observations, a quite curious situation which happened during a trip across our small town, nearly ideally fits into my narrative to demonstrate the difference in greetings; style depending on who is being greeted: a man or a woman.

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Notes

1

“Khalypa” is Turkmen concept of a teacher, with philosophical and psychological meanings. It is more than a teacher in particular subject of study, or just a mentor. The person will be considered as a spiritual leader, giving lessons of life.

2

Sadaka – special ritual, an event to sacrifice in order to thank Heaven for a blessed support in life

3

Kszan – a big round cauldron, of volumes between of 40-100 liter.

4

Chorba – a traditional soup of mutton and onions. To diverse it is allowed to add potatoes and tomatoes.

5

“To taste a salt” – a ritual joining to a meal. A one should take at least a drop of bread or tiny portion of a course and eat it. It will be a token that he/she “shares” the meals. Refusing the procedure might be taken as rudeness and an offence.

6

Velayt – an administrative division of the country. Turkmenistan is divided into five velayats.

7

Yashuli – a respectful referring to an elder (“yash” – age, “uli” – here “older”). However, the concept is frequently used not exclusively based on age, but as a sign of true respect to a person if he deserves that attitude.

8

Aga – a respectful address of an elder man. At the same time, it is a sign of paying tribute to an honorable person.