The Casual Ward: Academic and Other Oddments

THE HEROIC AGE

When I ponder o’er the pages of the old romantic ages, ere the world grew cold and gray,When there wasn’t a relation between Oxford and the Nation, or a Movement every day,How I marvel at the glamour (in these duller days and tamer) which informed those scenes of glee,At the glamour and the glory of contemporary story, and the Eights as they used to be!It is obvious that the weather must have differed altogether from the kind that now we know:I arise from reading Fiction with the permanent conviction that it did not hail, nor snow:For each fair and youthful charmer had a summer sun to warm her and a bran new frock and hat, —In the progress of the lustres, when the crowd of Fashion musters it has grown too wise for that.Every boat from keel to rigger was a grand ideal figure as it skimmed those Wavelets Blue,While the Heroes who propelled ’em were comparatively seldom of a commonplace type, like you —In their strength and in their science they were positively giants, through the gorgeous days of old,Still an Admirable Crichton in those lieben alten Zeiten was the oarsman brave and bold:He could row devoid of training, and (it hardly needs explaining) got a quite unique degree:With his blushing honours laden, he espoused a lovely maiden at the end of Volume Three:This alone he had to grieve for – that he’d nothing more to live for, or expect from Fortune’s whim:For I never could discover, when his Oxford days were over, what the world could hold for him!O the rapture singlehearted of that Period has departed, with its views ornate of Man,And I think it won’t come back till we restore the Pterodactyl, or revive the late Queen Anne:We have grown in mental stature, and we Go Direct to Nature, in these days of stress and strife,And the hero of a novel in a palace or a hovel is intolerably True to Life: —Not an infant learns to toddle but efficiency’s his model, which he still pursues with rage,In a manner inconsistent with the methods dim and distant of that mid-Victorian age:For that atmosphere Elysian it has faded from our vision and has gone where the old tales go,And I really don’t know whether I regret altogether – but the simple fact is so.

MAKERS OF HISTORY

Minstrels! who your choicest notesKeep for men who row in boats,Mark with what exalted mienComes the Hero of the Scene!He, amid the festal swarm,Fashion’s glass and mould of form,How in shape and how in featuresFar surpassing other creatures,How incomparable toCommon things like me and you!He in whose transcendent stateAll the ages culminate —Could we ever keep him thus,How delightful ’twere for us!Could he, ’mid the admiring throng,Ever beauteous, ever young,Still abide for ever pentIn his true environment,Wear that aureole still which nowDecks his high victorious brow!   Out, alas! that Fortune can’tEver give us what we want!He must quit this vernal stage:He must sink to middle age(E’en the Poet’s soaring witScarcely can envisage it):Go with men of common clayIn to business every day:Be perhaps a Brewer, orHaply a Solicitor, —None the fact to notice thatHaloes once adorned his hat:Ay! the ways of Fate are odd:Men are mortal..  Ichabod.* * * * *Yet shall stay by stream and treeSomething still of what was He, —Plainly put, his More or LessImmaterial Consciousness, —Very fine and very large,Floating o’er his College barge:Always while the world continuesBards shall sing his thews and sinews, —Here he rowed and here he ran,Being rather more than man; —Thus as ages onward goStill he’ll great and greater grow,Larger still in prose or rhymeLooming down the aisles of time,Till he sit, sublime and vast,’Mid the Giants of the Past,Men who lived in days of old(Ch-tty, W-dg-te, N-ck-lls, G-ld),Lived and rowed in ages darkLong ere Noah built the Ark,Very, very famous oars,Mighty men in Eights and Fours,Towering o’er our Browns and SmithsHuge and grey, like Monoliths.   Thus the Hero’s happy fateKeeps in store a blissful state,All adown the Future dim,Nearly worthy e’en of Him!

ALMA MATER FILIO

Dear Youth! whose wealth and lineage high   Each outward sign denotes,The highly fashionable tie,   The latest thing in coats —Imprinted on whose candid brow   No gazer could detect(As e’en your enemies allow)   The Pride of Intellect —Who, ’spite your want of mental scope   And lack of Serious Aim,Still left us, as we dared to hope,   More pensive than you came,And thus at least, while critics vied   In pointing out our flaws,For our continuance supplied   A kind of Final Cause: —Your part is played, your turn is o’er:   Prepare to quit the stage:It seems you’re not the person for   The Spirit of the Age:Though high your birth, though large your means,   I see – ’tis sad, but true —Soon, ’mid these academic scenes,   No corner left for you!Ah! what avail the things that went   To build your prosperous lot,The ample cash, the long descent,   The athlete’s frequent pot,The waistcoat bright of ardent red   Or fascinating green,The social charm that captive led   The Provost, and the Dean?I see the Cherwell’s peaceful flood,   I see the courts of King’sInvaded by a student brood   Which knows all kinds of things —A crowd with high desires replete,   Whose recreations areTo sit at Professorial feet   And join a Seminar:Bright Butterfly! your haunts of old   Are tenanted by menWho realise what studies mould   Th’ Efficient Citizen.These shall alone the blessings know   Of Isis and of Cam,And You (I’m sure ’tis better so)   Will go to – Birmingham!

IN MEMORIAM EXAMINATORIS CUIUSDAM

Lo, where yon undistinguished grave   Erects its grassy pile onOne who to all Experience gave   An Alpha or Epsilon!The world and eke the world’s content,   And all therein that passes,With marks numerical (per cent.)   He did dispose in classes:Not his to ape the critic crew   Which vulgarly appraisesThe Good, the Beautiful, the True   In literary phrases:He did his estimate express   In terms precise and weighty, —And Vice got 25 (or less,)   While Virtue rose to 80.Now hath he closed his earthly lot   All in his final haven, —(And be the stone that marks the spot   On one side only graven,)Bring papers on his grave to strew   Amid the grass and clover,And plant thereby that pencil blue   Wherewith he looked them over!There, freed from every human ill   And fleshly trammels gross, heLies in his resting-place until   The final Viva Voce:So let him rest till crack of doom   Of mortal tasks aweary, —And nothing write upon his tomb   Save β – (?).THE END

Footnotes:

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