Matthew's Children

Sometimes, when she was playing dangerous “what-if” games with herself, she wondered what would have happened if she and Matt had met each other much earlier—before Gillian. Jane was pretty sure he found her attractive. And she knew he liked her. So was she crazy to believe they might have ended up together?

Yes. She had only to recall the two failed relationships in her past for her answer.

“You’re avoiding eye contact.” Matthew sounded amused.

She lifted her head, glad he couldn’t possibly be aware of what she’d been fantasizing about. She tried to keep meeting his gaze, but eventually, she had to blink. The blue of his eyes was such a piercing shade. “You should be a judge. You would be impossible to lie to.”

“Is that what you’re planning to do?”

She smiled. “No. But admit it. Being alone like this. It must seem as strange to you as it does to me.”

All amusement drained from his expression. “I don’t want it to feel that way, Jane. I want us to be able to work together. To be friends.”

She swallowed. It didn’t sound like much. Yet it was. “It’s difficult not to remember the last time we were…”

Matt’s expression turned grim. He finished her sentence for her. “The last time we were alone in a public place together?”

“Yes.”

“I’m so sorry about that, Jane. I can’t tell you how sorry.”

His regret was deeply sincere, and it only made her respect him more. The scene hadn’t been his fault. It hadn’t been either of their faults. On the afternoon of their fateful lunch together, they’d been discussing business, a case that was before the court, when Gillian Gray had found them.

Jane could still picture the surprise on Matthew’s face. The gallant way he had immediately stood, reaching for a third chair so his wife could join them.

In those first seconds he hadn’t noticed Gillian’s fury. But Jane had. Because it had been directed at her.

“What are you doing with my husband?”

Nothing, Jane had been about to say. But before she could utter a word, Gillian Gray had grabbed a goblet from the table and hurled the white wine it contained into Jane’s face.

She would never forget the shock. The intense humiliation.

“Madam.” A server had been at her elbow almost immediately, leading her to the women’s washroom.

Behind her, she’d heard Matthew speaking to his wife. “Are you crazy?”

Not the right words to appease. Gillian had raged at him; she’d really let him have it. At the door to the ladies’ room, Jane had paused, unable to stop listening until Gillian—finally out of foul words and insane accusations—turned on her heel and marched out of the restaurant.

From across the room Jane had met Matthew’s gaze. She’d seen the abject apology in his eyes before he’d raced after his wife.

All of that would have been terrible enough. But Eve Brandstrom and two other lawyers from the firm had witnessed the entire debacle. Jane still didn’t believe Eve had said anything to anyone else.

But the other lawyers hadn’t been so discreet, and soon the story was circulating Brandstrom and Norton. Jane couldn’t go anywhere without being confronted with the speculation and curiosity in her coworkers’ eyes.

She had reacted by keeping her mouth shut and avoiding Matthew as much as possible. Since he’d done the same, it wasn’t difficult.

Now she couldn’t believe she was across the table from him again. She still wasn’t sure this was wise. He might be an unmarried man legally, but he would never be “available” where she was concerned.

“I should have apologized at the time,” Matthew said. “But I was afraid it would only feed the gossip at the office if anyone saw me talking to you.”

“I understand. I imagine you had enough to handle at home.” Jane had heard about Gillian’s subsequent obsessive calls to the office. If she couldn’t reach her husband, she would yell at the poor receptionist. A few weeks later, word got out that Matthew had spent the night sleeping in his office, on the couch.

Soon after came the announcement that Matthew and Gillian Gray had separated.

A year later, the divorce became final.

And now that the marriage was at last over, Jane had to know the answer to the one question that had puzzled her for so long. “Why did Gillian think we were having an affair?”

Surely, in this day and age, his wife had expected some of Matthew’s colleagues to be female. Why assume the worst?

Was it possible that Gillian’s feminine intuition had sensed Jane’s attraction—an attraction Jane had worked so hard to stifle—and had reacted instinctively against it?

“By that point in our marriage, Gillian was on the lookout for things to fight about. She noticed your name on my BlackBerry a few times, heard us talking on the phone, and it raised her suspicions.”

“But why?”

“Things hadn’t been going well between us for years. Opposites may attract, Jane, but they shouldn’t always get married. Especially not when they want different things from life.”

“You and Gillian were opposites?”

“In many ways. She was a drama major when I met her, and I found that exotic at the time. But after a while her incredibly emotional nature became draining.”

“I know what you mean by emotional.”

“Gillian could turn almost anything into an argument. That, too, was draining. Gradually I began staying later and later at work. After Derrick was born and Gillian opted to be at home full-time our problem became worse. Without the creative release of her career Gillian grew more restless and unhappy.”

“Did you consider hiring a nanny?”

“I’d just talked Gillian into that when she unexpectedly became pregnant with Violet.”

An old pain surfaced, but Jane refused to focus on it. This wasn’t about her. “How about you? Did you want a second child?”

“Secretly, I was thrilled, but I couldn’t admit it to Gillian or she would have accused me of getting her pregnant on purpose—which wasn’t the case. At any rate, when Violet was born, Gillian loved her as much as she loved Derrick, of course. She just transferred all her anger and resentment to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “The fights got worse. I began avoiding home even more, which only made Gillian angrier.”

A sad story, especially when Jane considered the children and how confused they must have felt. Still, she was reassured to hear that the Grays’ marital problems went back so far. It relieved some of her guilt. Not all. But some.

“Gillian resented my long hours at work. At the same time, she pressured me for money for home renovations and a family vacation in Europe. I guess I took the easy way out, opting to spend more hours at the office rather than deal with her moods at home. I figured once I had my promotion to partnership life would get easier.”

“But it didn’t.”

He shook his head. “As you know, they only pile on more cases once you make partner.”

“That’s true. But you can set boundaries,” she added gently. She’d never heard of Matthew turning down a case or refusing to work on a weekend.

“Gillian had legitimate complaints,” Matthew acknowledged.

“Did you guys consider counseling?”

“I was willing. She wasn’t.”

Jane grimaced.

“It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the kids.” He skated his glass over the slick surface of the table.

He kept a photograph of his son and daughter on his desk. Jane had noticed it this morning as she’d passed by his office on her way to the supply room, which she no longer avoided.

“How are Derrick and Violet doing now?”

“Violet’s fine. She’s young and the new situation hasn’t upset her routine very much, since she always sleeps in her own room. But Derrick’s pretty angry.”

“At you?”

“Yeah. He definitely views me as the culprit. He rolls his eyes every time I mention anything to do with work. I’m struggling to achieve a better balance in my life, but sometimes my efforts seem futile. Especially when my son makes it obvious he’d rather be with his mother.”

“Matt…” It wasn’t like him to be so negative.

“Sorry. We’ve been talking about this too long.” He leaned over the table. “What’s new with you?”

She hadn’t expected the conversation to turn so quickly. “I joined a health club,” she offered weakly.

“So you said. Anything else? Are you dating anyone?”

The question was thrown in as if meant very casually, but to Jane Matt’s eyes burned as he waited for her response.

“Not right now.” She met a lot of men in her line of work, so there were always opportunities for dating. None of the men she’d gone out with this year had held her interest, though. They all fell short compared with Matt.

The truth was there had never been a man who affected her the way Matthew did. Not even her first love, in university; or the man she’d almost married five years ago. Even now she felt like a nervous teenager on a date rather than a competent professional sharing a drink with a colleague.

“We haven’t discussed the case yet,” she realized.

“We aren’t here to discuss the case.”

“We aren’t?”

“No, Jane, I hope—”

He stopped talking when his BlackBerry buzzed loudly.

“I thought I’d switched this off,” he muttered as he reached for the thing.

Jane assumed that was what he was about to do now, but a glance at the number changed his mind.

“It’s my son,” he said, rising from his seat as he spoke. “I have to talk to him. Can you give me a minute?”

“Sure.” Her lips felt stiff, but she forced a smile, averting her gaze rather than watching him walk away from the table.

She couldn’t help but think back to that other time over a year ago. This interruption was far less dramatic, but it was an equally effective reminder that where Matthew Gray was concerned, she had to guard her emotions very carefully.

MATTHEW WOULD HAVE interrupted his conversation with Jane for only two people in the world. Since Violet was too young to use the phone, that left Derrick.

“Hey, son. What’s up?” He strode through the pub and out the door. Lingering by the stairs, he plugged his free ear to block the traffic noise.

“I’m calling about the game on Friday.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Don’t bother.”

“Pardon?”

“We still don’t have a coach.”

So none of the other parents had volunteered. As the silence stretched out between his son and him, Matthew tried to think of some way he could volunteer himself. But to commit to practices, as well as games, was more than he could manage.

Surely saying no was better than promising something he couldn’t deliver.

“I wish I could help you out, son. But—”

“Yeah. You have to work. I get it.”

He sounded so jaded. Matthew felt both defensive and guilty. “It costs a lot of money to send you to Mountain View Academy. And to buy you and your sister all the latest—”

“I said I got it, Dad. You probably don’t know enough about soccer to coach it, anyway.”

That was true, which only made him more frustrated. “I’m sure I could learn.”

“What’s the point? You’re too busy, remember?”

Matthew inhaled deeply. Reminded himself he was the adult here. “I’m sure you must be disappointed, but the soccer association will find you a new coach soon. Hopefully, one who actually understands the strategy behind the game.”

“Yeah. Right.” Clearly, Derrick wasn’t holding out any hopes.

Matthew longed to say something that would make his son feel better. But there was no quick fix to this situation. Not for any of them.

“I’ll phone the president of the soccer association and see what their plan is.”

“Don’t bother.” Derrick hung up, as miserable as he’d been at the beginning of the call.

Matthew was left with the knowledge that he’d disappointed his son yet again. He sighed, then pocketed the BlackBerry, this time making certain to turn it off first.

He met Jane on her way out and could barely contain his disappointment. “I thought we might have a second drink.”

“One was enough for me. And don’t worry. I covered the bill.”

Her gaze barely skimmed his face before she glanced away. Why was it so darn hard to get her to look him square in the eyes these days?

And he hated that she’d paid for their drinks.

He fell into step beside her as she headed back to the office. “This was supposed to be my treat. You know what that means?”

She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“I pick up the tab next time.”

“Next time?”

“Damn right next time.” He let himself touch her elbow as they crossed the street. It was all he could do to let go of her once they reached the other side.

“Jane.” He stopped her before she entered the revolving door that led to the lobby of their building.

“Yes, Matt?”

Ever since his phone call she’d been so cool and distant. He wished he could make up the ground that had been lost.

“I’m glad we had this talk.”

Her expression softened. “Me, too.”

“And we will do it again. Right?”

She hesitated. “Maybe.”

And then she quickened her pace and disappeared into the building. He watched and wondered what she would have said if he’d told her the truth.

That Gillian thought they’d been having an affair because during one of their arguments he’d admitted that although he wasn’t having an affair with Jane, he was more than halfway to being in love with her.

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