Hot Docs On Call: Tinseltown Cinderella

* * *

It had taken several minutes for things to settle down between Joe and Carey. He’d briefly jumped out of bed for the bathroom to take care of business, returning to find she’d probably done the same. He smiled when she came back with the fresh flush of lovemaking on her face and across her chest. Though she’d run a brush through her hair, it was still wildly appealing. He continued floating on the post-sex euphoric cloud when she crawled back into bed beside him. He’d just had mind-blowing sex with an amazing lady and he felt great. Beyond great. He pulled her close, delivered a sweetheart kiss then snuggled in, savoring the afterglow between them. But it was late and they’d worn each other out.

Within a few short minutes Carey fell asleep. She’d gone still, wrapped in his arms, then her breathing shifted to a slower, deeper rhythm. It felt right, holding her, breathing in her scented hair, touching her soft skin and womanly body. But sleep wasn’t ready to come to Joe.

His hand dropped over her abdomen and the noticeable early second-trimester bump. It jolted him. His mind raced with comparisons with another woman and another time. He’d avoided the thought long enough, now it wouldn’t let him go.

What the hell had he just done? He’d ruined everything.

The battle in his mind continued with rival thoughts. He had to be honest, he’d wanted this more than anything, and being with Carey had been on his mind for longer than he cared to admit. She’d knocked every sensible thought out of his head just by being the wonderfully appealing, sweet woman she was. The sexy-as-hell—and who’d just proved it beyond a doubt—mother-to-be.

Yes, she was pregnant with another man’s baby, and though the circumstances were totally different, the scenario seemed too damn familiar.

Also, Joe worried that Carey was confusing gratitude with desire. She’d denied it when he’d bluntly asked her, but they were both obviously under some voodoo spell when it came to each other. He wouldn’t dare call it love. Hell, she’d just escaped a toxic, abusive relationship. Any decent guy, and Joe considered himself one of the good guys, would be an improvement.

Back and forth he silently argued, feeding his confusion rather than solving anything. He’d essentially been acting like a partner to Carey in all but name—how had he not seen that before? It’d started with the staggering need to protect her and moved on to bringing her home. They’d lived together for almost a month, sharing the little everyday things that true couples did. He was the first person other than the midwife to see Baby Spencer in the ultrasound. He’d secretly teared up, seeing how the fetus already sucked its thumb and had a tiny turned-up nose in the profile. She’d even asked him to go to the next doctor’s appointment with her, too, joking she was worried she’d forget something, and he’d been following her pregnancy like an auditor.

Just like he’d done with Angela at the beginning of her pregnancy.

What had possessed him to step into the role of being Carey’s partner in the parenting class? He squeezed his eyes tight, avoiding the answer, holding her a little tighter than before. It wasn’t out of pity for her being the only one enrolled without a significant other—no, he had to be honest. It was because he’d wanted to. Maybe even needed to.

Did he enjoy getting kicked in the teeth?

Damn it, for one of the good guys he was really screwed up. Losing Angela had nearly done him in, along with getting hit by the hardest dose of reality in his life. He was sterile. He’d never be a father. And Angela had cheated on him, taking the task of getting pregnant to his best friend, Rico.

In time he’d lose Carey and her baby, too, once she got back on her own two feet again. Just like he’d lost Angela and the baby he’d once thought was his for a brief but ecstatic period of time.

He slipped out of bed, unable to stay close another second to the woman who’d just thrown his entire world on its head. He pulled on his boxing trunks, went to the kitchen and drank a full glass of water, then walked to the couch and sat. Being away from her spell helped his body settle down. His mind was another story altogether, though. He folded his arms across his chest, plopped his feet on the coffee table and, using the TV controller, turned to an old black and white movie with the sound muted. Fortunately it dulled his thoughts and little by little, as the dark drama unfolded and minutes passed, he finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

“Joe? What are you doing out here?”

Sunshine slipped through the cracks in the living-room window blinds on Saturday morning. Joe eased open one eye from where his face was mashed against the armrest cushion on the couch. “Huh? Oh, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you so I came out here.”

“I was worried I’d snored or something.” She’d obviously tried to lighten the mood, so he laughed easily, as if nothing was wrong at all. She looked nearly angelic, standing with the window behind her, her silhouette outlined by bright morning light. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt with those long, slender legs completely bare. It made him want her all over again, but that was the last thing he should ever do.

“No.” He scrubbed his face, trying to wake up, realizing she hadn’t bought his explanation, and he needed to be straight with her. “You didn’t snore.” Yeah, he had to nip this in the bud and, though it might sting today, she’d thank him later for sparing her more pain.

“What’s up, Joe? I don’t have a good feeling about us having sex and then you sneaking off to the couch.”

He wasn’t ready to look at her, and when he told her his thoughts she deserved his undivided attention. “I need some coffee.” He stood and she followed him into the kitchen. He glanced at her before he got on the job of filling the coffeemaker and saw the frightened and forlorn woman he’d first seen at the bus station. It made him feel sick to do that to her so he stopped avoiding the moment and grabbed one of her hands. “Look.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry we crossed the line last night. It was fantastic, amazing, and a huge mistake.”

“No. It was totally okay with me. Couldn’t you tell?” She searched his eyes, looking for answers. It made him look down at the hand he held. “In fact, it was an incredible night. I never dreamed making love with you could be so wonderful.”

He glanced upward, finding those eyes...greener in the morning light. “It was great, but things are too confused between us. You need time to heal from your lousy relationship with Ross, and the most important thing in your life right now should be your baby. Focus on the baby, instead of getting all involved with me. Not that I didn’t love what we did in there last night, it’s just that we’re dangerous for each other right now. I shouldn’t take time and energy away from you focusing on what you want to do with your life. I’ll just interfere, and you need to think what’s best for you, not anyone else.”

Who was he kidding, laying all the excuses at Carey’s feet? He still wasn’t ready to trust another woman, to open up about the pain of his wife’s infidelity. And that’s what he’d need to do in order to be with someone new. Her. It was why he’d been living like a workaholic hermit all this time. What would she think of him if she knew how scared he was to tell her the truth, and if he wasn’t ready to be completely honest, what was the point of being with her?

He pulled her close and held her, and it hurt to feel her stiffen when he wanted to love her. But now he had to push her away because she deserved better. She deserved a future of her own making. All he’d do was mess things up. “We both have a lot going on in our lives right now and it isn’t a good time to confuse things even more with sex.” He pulled back to engage with her eyes, but she was now the one avoiding eye contact. “And, believe me, that was incredibly hard to say, because I wanted you like I’ve never wanted anyone else last night.”

It seemed she’d stopped breathing, a dejected expression changing her beauty to sadness. He felt queasy, like he’d already finished the pot of coffee and the acid lapped the inside of his stomach. But he forged on because he had to.

“It’s not right for us to be together now. Our timing is off. We just have to face that. And no one is sorrier than me.”

Something clicked behind those beautiful eyes. Her demeanor shifted from tender and hurting to world-weary chick. “Yeah, you’re right. It really was stupid.” She pecked his cheek with a near air kiss. “Now I need to shower.”

He watched her walk away, her head high and shoulders stiff. In that moment he hated more than anything having given her a reality check, and the thought of drinking a cup of coffee made him want to puke.

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